537. 6 Steps to Keep a Habit - He said, She said

Once you're clear on that, you need to go into all these conversations or your schedule or a conversation with yourself and say, this is exactly what I need. This is what needs to go. This is what I need help with right here in order for this to happen. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

Hey, guys, we're back.

Welcome back to he said, she said, where we're gonna give you just the whole dish around what Chris thinks, and then I'm gonna tell you what is real. I don't know why that's so fun for me.

Yeah, you have like, this little slight cunning intro each.

I don't know. I don't know what that is.

All right, here's what you can tell me. What's real. I got a question for you today. Why is it so damn hard to keep a routine? And listen, let me start by like, saying this. I'm a disciplined individual. Would you agree?

Yes.

Okay. Like, pretty, probably more than average. Disciplined, of course. All right, then why is it so damn hard to keep a routine? Like, I pride myself on having a great morning routine and doing the right things throughout the day, and my exercise is consistent. Like, if I use today's example, we listen to a podcast in the morning. Like, I. I say that I always want to do. I said my prayer when I woke up of everything I'm grateful for. I said my mantra when I woke up. But there's so many other things that I'm not doing. Like, I didn't meditate. Like, I said that I want to do. I didn't get yesterday. I didn't get the run in that I said I wanted to do. So why is it, like, so hard to actually follow through with and do the list of things you know are good for you?

Because unless we have a solid plan, it's not happening. So all of the good intentions in the world, like, yeah, it's going to happen once in a while and it's going to be just enough. That'll be like, but I did it this. I did it last week on Wednesday. Why can't I do it every single day this week? And it's because we don't have a solid enough plan. And sometimes they're just not realistic for the day. But I really do think it starts with a decision. So I have six steps that I just wrote out. That is the only way. This is the only way that I'm getting anything done in my life. And the first one is to decide and commit and to actually be real, really realistic with what your willpower will allow for that day. So if you're already at 90% capacity, Chris, and you're trying to add something in, that's going to take like 30 or 40%, it's not going to happen.

That actually just made so much sense to me. Okay. Because here's why. The morning things, I get like three out of five that I want to do.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden the day has started. And then the afternoon things, I get like one out of four that I want to do. But it's probably because I've, like run out of willpower. Maybe I'm over planning.

So I think part of it is for sure, that's it. And the other part is really like, have you really done the decision? You know, when you've decided to do something and you've cut off all other options, you've even bargained, you've even like, said in your brain things like, okay, if I don't do this today, X, Y and Z is going to happen, or I have to do this, like, I am doing this no matter what. Like, there are things in your head that you say, like, this is a non negotiable, I'm going no matter what. And then when you make that type of decision, it makes you look down the road at what you're doing. So if you really decided to have gotten a run in yesterday, you probably would have stopped right there or at the beginning of the week and actually put it in your calendar and said no to everything around it. You would have start. You would have had an alarm for 15 minutes before your run that said, okay, go put your shoes on right now. Go get ready. You would have probably already had a podcast picked out. Like, you would have made a decision and you would have been prepped all the way around it mentally for that thing that you wanted to do.

It's interesting because I'm now realizing that the things that do happen, like I Never miss my morning exercise. Right. I never miss my mantra. I never miss my quick prayer in the morning of everything I'm grateful for. But a lot of things I do miss. The afternoon exercise. I wish I did the. And not the dog walk in the afternoon. But you know, like that second, that two a day that I want to.

Do and the dog walk is planned. It's in the calendar.

Yeah.

We start prepping for it before it comes. Because it's in the calendar.

That's what I'm saying. Like my morning workout in the calendar, that dog walk in the calendar. Everything else I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna do this. But it's really like a, a light commitment, I'm realizing.

And those just all those do is actually take away from the actual commitments you have in your calendar.

Actually make me feel a little bit like shit.

That's what I'm saying. It drains the battery.

I'm a loser. I'm not getting everything done I want to.

I'm telling you guys, indecision is the most exhausting thing that you'll ever do in your life. I talked about this just on my last podcast. That indecision is the most exhaust. Just get rid of it. Like let yourself off the hook if you don't think it's going to be that. So let's move on to number two because talks all about this or the. The following number. So how much time will it need and when? Like, how much actual time, Chris, for that run do you think that you need? Because I think what happens is you take a 30 minute pocket and the run is actually 30 minutes. But we know that an actual run takes us about an hour to like.

Oh my God, I do this all the time. I block off a half an hour for the run.

Yeah.

And I forget the 10 minutes for the shoes and to change the shorts. And then like the 10 minutes that you're totally sweaty when you get back and you got to have your shake or your water or whatever. So it's like 50, 40, 50 minutes, really, that I need.

Yeah. And having to pee and put on your sunscreen and pick out your podcast and all of the things. Right. Putting treats in the little dog thing so the dog doesn't bark when he. When we leave. Like it's an hour. So under planning kills goals, dreams, new habits.

Because.

Oh my God, yes. Because all of a sudden you have 15 minutes left and then you're pissed. Then it just leaks into your day and everything else seems annoying because you didn't get to do the thing that you wanted to do. Now you're just like annoyance on fire.

And you're driving everyone nuts because I book everything. You see my schedule back to back to back to back to back.

You might as well just get rid of those things that you have under planned for because it's just going to make you so annoyed through the day and you're going to have an expectation hangover. Number three, what needs to go and what conversations need to be had in order for this to go. So this is going to happen. Like what needs to go in order to make room for this thing that you need. So Chris, what needed to go in order to get that run yesterday?

Work. I need to retire.

Yeah. What needs to go in order to have gotten that run yesterday?

I don't know. Because everything is so important that I have scheduled. Like that's where I'm breaking down. I know that the run is important and I also know that, that the call I had to take or the coaching call I did, all of those things are of equal importance.

So maybe right now you're in a season where you cannot get that extra afternoon run and you need to release it so that you just feel guilt free.

Yeah. Otherwise it just beats me up.

So that's, that's one example. But for people who have maybe families, for people who have bosses that they need to have conversations with because maybe they need to get certain work done. You know, this can be right down to. We've had some employees who need to say, I need some off site days because I'm having trouble concentrating on getting X, Y and Z done while I'm at work. These are just conversations that need to be had to get really realistic with what you need. So number two, when you had decided. So number one is decide number two is how much time will it need and when. Once you're clear on that, you need to go into all these conversations or your schedule or a conversation with yourself and say, this is exactly what I need. This is what needs to go. This is what I need help with right here in order for this to happen. So number four, who can you invite in to help you? No, that was number three, what needs to go, what conversations need to be had? Number four, who can you invite in to help you and hold you accountable for what you need? So if you wanted that run, I, I would say, do I have full permission, Chris, to be really annoying 15 to 20 minutes before and say, finish up what you're doing, get your shoes on right now. You know how you Feel when you don't get this in because this is top priority for you, it's so hard.

I feel like I want to jump in right now and say, honey, you're so good at being that.

I am. That's why we get done. Yeah. But I do ask permission in order to do that.

First.

I'm like, then I'm going to keep on annoying.

And it works like, number four is legit. You need that squeaky wheel in your life to. To hound you or it's not going to get done.

Chris, you're this person. People hire you. Like, people pay you so much money to hold them accountable to their word. I mean, you've had so many people who you've been like, hey, you paid me a lot of money so that you show up to this call or you don't cancel, or you keep following through because your default response is to try cancel and get out of this. And I am here to say you're not breaking this contract and you're showing up because this is your lower self talking, and your higher self is what you is where you hired me from.

Devil's advocate. Quick, what about the person listening right now? They're like, I've got nobody.

Okay, well, that's. That's a victim mindset, number one, because we always have somebody that we can call pay coach or a podcast that we can listen to or pop on. Um, sometimes you have to support yourself in the beginning. Hey, I supported myself in the beginning through books. I supported myself through podcasts. I supported myself by sitting down and having a good talk with myself and being like, are you going to be okay tonight when your head hits the pillow and you didn't do anything again? Aren't you sick of crying all day? Aren't you sick of being upset with yourself? Aren't you sick of knowing that you're choosing being a victim? Like, don't you deserve better? Don't you know God gave you this gift that you are supposed to be following through? 1. Don't you understand the connection and assets that you have through God, through your friends, through your family? Can't you go and find somebody? Yes, you can. Like, I would have these conversations all the time. I am fired up this morning. Let's move on to number five. Number five, self awareness. You guys, where do you fail? Where do you slip up and why? So, Chris, without having that conversation earlier of where do you fail? Where do you slip up? Where? You said, I don't put enough time in. Yeah, I literally don't put enough Time in.

And I like self aware that things. Too many things, back to back.

Yes. So become really self aware. Where do you fail? Where do you slip up and why? So for me, let's just go back to something that really took me years and years, like 10, 15 years to break, maybe longer. Which was like, right when I start to feel bad about myself or in the afternoon when I was working at home, I would do like a binge eating session right around like three or four when I would start to get tired, I just kind of like grab the like container of nuts from Sam's Club, those cocoa dusted almonds, and all of a sudden I'd be like half a container in. Or I would just be eating like unconsciously. I'm like, what am I doing with like my third bowl of oatmeal right now in an hour? Like just really unconsciously eating. It wasn't unconscious at all. It was really, I'm bored. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to hit that point where I feel bad about myself because I'm not getting certain things done. So if I knew that was a three or four o' clock hour, what I did is I started planning like a walk there or a call, or getting outside of my environment or making sure that I started having other plans at that time so that I could get my mind off of feeling bad or whatever. Well, whatever the feeling was that was triggering me to numb out. So where are you having that habit that just breaks down in the evening? Is it food? Is it. You're not getting stuff done? Do you need an appointment with a friend to hold you accountable? Do you not have enough appointments in your calendar? Do you need to go see somebody? Do you need a therapist? Like, there's a million different things that could support you right here that you gotta look at your stuff and it's not fun to say, hey, I can't do this alone. And it's not a weakness at all. Like, it's not a weakness to break down and not be able to do it by yourself. Right. It is a weakness, however, to pretend that you don't have the resources to do this. So you have the resources. We're not supposed to do things, like all on our own. You need the people, Chris. You've invited so many people into your life to hold you accountable. Guys, dinners, mentorships, masterminds, all of these things. Because you were like, wow, I'm just not getting the job done on my own. We're not supposed to invite those people in and support yourself where you need to.

I can almost say the inverse is true. Like invite those people out of your life that reinforce even accidentally when you're not getting done what you want to get done.

I love that meme. It's okay to unfollow people in real life.

Yep, it's.

It's the truth. I've had to unfollow so many people in my real life and it was one of the hardest things you'll do. But let me tell you, when your dream comes in and you start taking action on the thing that God universe divine, whatever you believe sent you to protect and follow through on, you absolutely get all of the right people come walking through that door almost with some crazy ease that you are like, holy crap, I cannot believe these blessings that are coming in because I actually got fierce with what I'm supposed to be doing right now. So number six is basically, essentially what we just talked about around number five was where do you fail, slip up and why? Number six is just make a plan. Make the plan to support yourself. So write your self awareness plan. Where do you screw up, why, what, what times? Have massive grace for yourself. Because that's what we all do is we all mess up in order to find what works. Like it's the, it's actually the only way to figure out what works is through trial and error. So make a plan to support yourself around the slip ups and have massive grace for yourself. You know, whenever I would like fail at something or have a terrible day where I didn't follow through on anything that was on my list, I was like, God, please just let me just let go of this. Like help me not to carry it into the next day. Like let me just not feel bad about it. Like release all of the shame and guilt feelings because all that's doing is attracting more of it. And say, this is totally human, this is totally normal. How can I support myself tomorrow? And take a good look at it. Like take a good look at where you can support yourself tomorrow.

My biggest takeaway from this is get realistic.

Get realistic.

So realistic means don't book too many things, don't have an unrealistic vision of everything that you need to be doing for yourself. Even though yes, they're all important. You gotta be realistic about what you're gonna do. Get realistic about who's gonna support you and who's not. And you know, be realistic when it comes to beating yourself up because you didn't do it well. Take a good look at it. Have awareness. Like did you book too many things, et cetera.

And this is going to take a while. I just want to point that out. Like people think this can be done in a week. I'm telling you, you're going to implement new things and they're still not going to work. They're going to work. 10% and let me tell you, 5 to 10%, 1% is still massive movement. I look back at how long it took for certain habits or disciplines to come into place. Oh my God, we take so long to do it. But big things are actually happening within what you feel like is not moving. Lots of things are actually moving. And all of a sudden that's, that's kind of how goals come into play, right? Like all of a sudden one day you wake up and you're like that really worked. Like it took a year or two years, but that really works. So have grace. Like find your people. Make the plan. Be realistic with yourself. Be gentle. Be self aware.

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And where do we announce that?

We announce it on Lori's Instagram live every single Wednesday night at 6pm Pacific, 9pm Eastern. So if you don't follow Lori, go follow her at Lori Harder. L O R I H A R D E R Follow me at Chris W Harder and tune in every Wednesday night at 6 o' clock Pacific as we announce two grants. Every week we award two small businesses the grant money.

You guys, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved this, it would mean the world to us if you not only share the grant but share this podcast. So Tag Chris and I, let us know your biggest takeaways. It really helps us understand what content you want to hear from this he said, she said podcast. So until next time, earn your happy, Earn your money. And I'm trying to combine both of our podcasts and it really would be earn your money.

I love it. All right, bye guys. Peace out.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to help helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.