542. Q+A: Connection

And it's not normal to be positive all the time. Like you have to go through ups and downs. That's part of being a human. Yeah.

And it's part of actually being able to be positive again and go to a good place.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go.

Oh.

Welcome back to questionably awesome with my co host Evans. How are you?

I am feeling crazy, but good.

We both got on and we're like, how was your week? And she was pretty much just like, oh, it was a crazy shit sandwich. It was awful. And I was like, yeah, emotionally. Mine was not very good either. You know, what's so in? But, but we talked about this. Like, it was awful while it was great, like I, we have, I had great moments this week and also just like really? Yeah, we said angry, like really low angry.

Yeah, it's just like all this pent up energy and I just want to get it out.

How should we get it out? Like, you know how there's rage rooms in New York and yeah, like you just take a baseball bat. Hey, you could just, you could tell your father in law because she's in his beautiful office right now. It's like actually really cool. It has golf balls on the wall and it has. I'm explaining it so bad. That sounds so weird.

It's a golf ball room.

A very like cozy man's office. Like some sports stuff and like very, I don't know, it looks like a place that you'd like go take a nap if there was a couch in there.

Oh, you could totally take a nap in here. It's very relaxing.

Yeah. Which for an office, like, I don't know, like nappable. My office is pretty nappable as well. Like, I don't know if that's really what I was going for with my office. Like, hey, when we're decorating this, let's make sure that when I come in I'm very relaxed. And want to take a nap? No. I should have made it like a war room. Like. Like helmets and.

Yeah.

Artillery. Is that what you call it on the wall?

Yeah, just all like. No, like, all sharp edges. Nothing cozy.

Not swords. Samurai.

And then when you try, when you got off track, it would just like, give you a little jab. Yeah.

Like a little poke.

Yeah.

Maybe cut a finger off or something. Yeah.

Be like, get back to work.

You don't get your job done, your pinky is mine. God, I would get so much done.

We've lost our mind.

Would you be that friend for me? Do you think that you could actually do. Do you love me enough to cut my pinky off if I don't. If I don't get the job done of raising money? Sorry, I've been watching. I've been watching drug lord movies. I'm so sorry.

I am not gonna cut your pinky off ever.

I don't know if you love me enough. How about pull a fingernail off?

No, that sounds so painful. I'm gonna faint because that sounds awful. That really sounds.

How about make me cut my hair?

Nope, I don't think I could do it.

Oh, not a good friend. I thought we were much closer than this.

I think what I would do is give you a bucket a full of change, and you had to carry it around until you raised your money.

That is terrible too.

You had to hear a jingle all day long.

That's like a. That's kind of equally as bad.

It's worse.

Yeah, maybe not.

But anyway, what's up with you? Or you just live in.

Hey, that's called a quarantine conversation and you got to be a part of it. So. Yeah. What's going on with me? Well, I have been just kind of working from home, you know, Same, same. No, things are really good. Like, they're moving forward with light pink. But also, I will say, just like you were mentioning, like this week, some reason just got to me. It just like felt. I don't know, I just wanted like a change of energy, a change of scenery. And you know what I wanted most? I wanted to like, work with a friend or like, sit with a friend and talk and like, be in someone else's energy. But it was also a great week. Like, that's why it's just the human experience and experiencing like, it's okay to be low. It's okay to feel frustrated. It's also okay to have really great moments amongst the, like, weird emotions. So. Yeah. So you had a breakdown. What was that about?

Oh, yeah. I had a total breakdown. Just nobody's fault but my own. Ready to be in my little tiny apartment. And, you know, it's just part of it. I was. I've just kind of had it. And I understand we're not going to be done with this for a long time, but I was just. I'm frustrated right now.

Yeah, totally. So when you get back to your apartment, what is the first thing that you feel like you're going to do that's going to make you happy? Like, are you going to cook? Are you going to organize?

Organize. And I also have this really gross habit of I like to eat bananas with peanut butter, but I just like to lick the peanut butter off of the spoon.

And you just want your own damn peanut butter to do that.

Exactly. I would never do it to someone else's peanut butter, only my own.

Yeah, it's. It's like all the little luxuries that you didn't realize, like, that you don't really want to do at other people's houses. Like, I can't just stand in their pantry for 20 minutes and randomly pick different things out of the pantry. Like, exactly. That would. That would feel like my freedom was taken away when, like, if I go stay at someone's house and I'm like, don't know them super well yet or something, I'm like, so this makes snacking really awkward because.

Yeah, you can't just go get snacks.

No. It's like, they would think I was such a weirdo if I drove by their fridge 20 times a day and was like, I don't know why I like to look in fridges. My mom always, like, when I go home, she's like, go, just get it over with. I'm like, what? She's like, go stand and look in the pantry and the fridges and see what we have. I'm like, okay.

Okay. Thanks, Mom. Will do. It's like, what I do.

I just. I'm so curious. Like, what are they eating? What do they have? Oh, I've never had these, like, types of chocolate chips. Absolutely. Digging into this bag.

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, what are. What are these little baking walnuts? Like, I know that they're walnuts. They taste like every other walnut, but they're in a different packaging.

You still get a sample. Yeah. I love it. Isn't it weird what humans do? We're so weird.

We're so weird, and we don't want to show anyone how weird we are, except the second we're alone, we're like, thank God.

Yeah. We all do the same weird stuff.

Yep. Super duper. Okay, so, yeah, like, you don't want to really hunker down and sit on the top of your, like, bathroom countertop and either pick your zits or pluck your eyebrows.

Yeah. Or just look at every single pore.

Just look at, like, 20, 30 minutes. Just assess what your face, you know, how your face has changed in the last year or so.

That's exactly it.

All right, so look for, like, little ingrown hair, bumps in your armpit, and pluck that hair.

Oh, yeah. I love getting those out. All the weird things. Oh, people are so grossed out right now.

Well, you know you like it. Oh, they're doing it too. Come on, now. This is just inspiration. All right.

Okay.

Do you have a quote?

Yes. It's from Brene Brown.

Oh, so good.

So good. And she says the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued, when they can give and receive without judgment, and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. Oh, she's defining what connection is. Sorry, girl.

You know why I love that quote? Because I put it in my book, so that's awesome. I love that you picked that one. I love that quote. So that is really weird. Yeah, we need connection. That's why. Oh, my God. What is this quote on connection? I'm starved for it. See? Okay, I'm just picking one from this deck because the one that I picked before is bad. So it's just again, from the universe has your back deck, Gabrielle Bernstein. I swear to God, I should be getting paid for this. The moment I embrace my peace within and surrender the outcome is the moment that the universe can truly get to work. So, you know, I take this as, like, just completely surrendering to all of those emotions and anger and, like, letting it be okay. Like, why do we always have to judge it? Why do we always have to be like, oh, I feel bad that I felt angry this week or felt off? Like, no, it just is. You can just feel it and move forward in the next moment. If you want to feel good, you can do that, too. So isn't it funny how, like, people who I. I think you and I, to a lot of people, they may think that we're, like, very happy and super, like, up all the time. And I think that sometimes our identity can get wrapped into that. Now, I'm totally speaking for you, so let me just speak for me. So when I feel low or I'm not, like, being really positive, like, I feel like, oh, well, that's not really on with my identity or what people know me for. So then it feels inauthentic and I'm like, wait, that's not inauthentic. That's being a human. So then you can actually cause more bad feelings around thinking that you're feeling something or you're like a negative person or whatever that looks like. Because I, you know, we can, like, hold a lot of value in thinking that we need to be like. We can think our value is in only when we're positive. So.

Right. And. And it's not normal to be positive all the time. Like, you have to go through ups and downs. That's part of being a human.

Yeah. And it's part of actually being able to be positive again and go to a good place. Because it's the law of diminishing returns. If you were happy all the time, you wouldn't actually even know what happy was anymore. It would just be like, normal. So I think, you know, we talk about this a lot, but instead of striving for, like, happiness and energy, it's like just striving for fulfillment and contentment and just being. Striving for just being, like, letting it be okay to just be. So that's. That's what this has been teaching me a lot, which has been really good. Like, that's okay. This is it. So enjoy it. There really, if you think about it, there really is nothing else. Because even if we achieve that thing or things get back to where they were, even if they do or if they don't, whatever that looks like in the future, it's like it's still up to us to create our feelings among those things. It's like the only things that really mean anything are the things you create meaning around. So. And it's all created in your head. So it's just interesting. Like everything already exists right here that will exist in the future. So emotion wise. But anyway, that was a. That was a tangent and a half, but do you have a real.

Oh, yeah, I do. This is from Lori Streeter.

Oh, awesome. I love her. She's awesome. I know her. I know her.

You know her? Yeah, she says. Wait, I don't know if we've read this one before, but I don't think we have.

I don't think we have.

Weekly dose of quarantinis. Thank you for being such fabulous quarantinis. Evan as the Evans as the vodka and Lori as the weed. As a mental health therapist, I need all the humor and letting loose. I can Get. Thank you both for keeping me entertained and for showing that it's permissible and celebrated to be the best, weirdest version of yourself. Cheers to another few weeks of quarantine.

Okay, that's really crazy because that just even made me feel better. Like, bringing in someone else's energy. Like, I was so happy to see Evan's face on here. You have no idea. And then hearing that, I'm like, great. Okay. Okay. That's right. We're getting back.

Yep.

We just need.

We need people. Okay. Yeah. Great.

It's gonna be okay.

I do feel a little out of my mind today.

I feel so weird. I. I feel so weird.

It's like I can't tell if I'm having this experience or if I'm, like, looking down from somewhere on this right now. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, I. About people are going to listen to this and be like, are they on drugs? But seriously, I feel that way.

I haven't had any drugs yet today, so that's going to start in a couple hours.

Yeah, that starts at 4.

Kidding. But I don't judge if you do need them.

Okay, so me neither. Do what you gotta do.

No judgment, but I did have some Allegra this morning, so that Allegra D for my allergies. That can make me feel crazy sometimes. All right. Bananas is sleeping by my feet. He's so cute. He's turning into such a good dog. He's actually sleeping so I can do things with him in the room. It's fantastic. Okay, do we have a question? Let's see if we can even answer these this week.

Yes, it's. It's actually about connection. And this one is from Ellie Parvin. She wants to know how do you think the habit of social distancing will affect connection in the future?

Oh, that's a great question. Right now. It. I mean, it really could go either way, right? I think that it. Number one, I think it's making people connect with the people they want to connect with more or the people who are most important is kind of what I'm hearing. Um, but yeah, that's interesting because Chris and I are even talking about this. We're really getting clear on who we want to spend our time and energy with. And figuring out for, like, networking and growing your business, how we can do that in a way that doesn't necessarily take up as much time or you don't have to be in person because, you know, if you really are connecting for business as well, they probably don't want to be meeting in person either. So are there ways that you can cut down on connections that maybe aren't as important so that you can actually spend that time with your friends and family? So, you know, I found that I was living this life of like, massive connection, but not really connecting with the people I wanted to be. Connect, connecting with. As often I'm like, wow, I'm not spending time with my super close friends or my family half as much as I would want. Like, I can't even tell you, like, very little. So I wasn't feeling very connected to the people, you know, which affects your whole life. You don't feel as supported. You, you feel a little, like, lost, a little bit, like, like a little asterisk of fear potentially, because the more that you connect with the people you love the most who, you know, have your back, like, the more safe you feel, the more like, solid and grounded and, you know, more willing to even take risk in your life that you feel. So I think with that said, I think it will be affected in. It might help a lot of people get clear, but there's always the extreme other end. I think there's. It's going to isolate a lot more people. I think we're going to see a lot more mental health problems. So there's a need and a new need will rise, which is also great because those needs can be filled by people who've been wanting to do this and they can help those people. So it's just so interesting. I think there's going to be so many different things like that. What do you think?

Yeah, I'm on the same page. I feel like I've seen a shift just like you have in how I'm connecting with people and how I want to connect with people and even just trying to get closer to. I have three sisters that I'm not close to at all. And we've kind of reconnected through this and started zooming and stuff together. Zoom, zoom. And it's just, it's interesting how you kind of reevaluate everything and you realize, like, oh, there are a lot of things that I participated in that I probably didn't need to participate in, and that's okay. And you don't necessarily have to have a completely full calendar to get connections, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, totally.

I.

Same exact thing. Definitely gotten closer to family members I wasn't as close to. And yeah, you're just, you're cutting out what's not necessary. Like, you're really looking at did that fill me up? Does that fill me up? Is this something that I want to move forward with? Um, yeah. There are some things just even like that we were looking at throughout our weeks of going. What is it that when we have it in our schedule, we kind. It kind of makes you dread the whole week. And what. How can you make that different? So if it has to stay, how can you make it different or better so you enjoy it more? Don't get me wrong, we can't get rid of all the things we don't enjoy in a week. And the funny part is about a lot of the things that I don't enjoy sometimes is that once they're done, I'm so glad I did them. So really looking at what is the outcome of this, how do I feel on the other side of this? And if I still don't feel like, you know, there are certain things that you do that you're still like, man, that didn't. That just didn't feel worth it. Those are the things that really need to be reevaluated. So, yeah, great question. Do we have another cue?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. So this is from Arissa Hammond, and she wants to know how to deeply connect with your partner when you're already around them all the time.

Twister.

Yeah, definitely. Twister, Battleship.

Twister, Twister, Battleship. And cheap peach schnapps. It's the first thing I ever got drunk on. Peach schnapps.

Really?

Yeah. What was yours?

I think mine was Smirnoff Ice. Very.

Oh, damn. That's a little higher end than mine.

Very classy.

Mine was like a fifth of something, and I think I drank the whole thing. Puked all night. Wait a fifth is the small one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Let's just be clear. That was the small one. I'm not like, didn't drink, like it. Those huge gallons, whatever you call it. I don't know. I really need to get better at knowing alcohol terminology anyway, so. Smirnoffice. What flavor? What is that?

Um, it's disgusting. Or if you like it, that's good. But I really didn't. It's okay. Remember what it tastes like. I think that, like limey, or is it kind of. But I think it's really sweet and.

Makes you feel terrible. Oh, yeah.

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Oh, my gosh. One time I got so drunk off of Malibu Rum and. And diet cherry 7 up, and I went to town on it. And let me just tell you, I literally, like, for a week afterward, like, anything remotely close to coconut, cherries, 7up, anything like that, I couldn't even, like, I had the shivers. It was the worst kind of drunk I've ever experienced in my life.

Oh, it's terrible.

Yeah, that was. It was bad. I was like, I'm going to the islands, and no, no, I'm not going to the toilet all night long. Okay, so back to the question. How can we increase this with your partner? What am I. I'm trying to think what I'm doing right now, because we're already super close. We're already in quarantine. All of the things, we're just enjoying each other's company. And we are. We're doing, like, we're doing happy hours a couple times a week where we actually turn on music. We. We. We do something a little different, right? Like, we weren't having happy hours before this. Like, we would sometimes on the weekend have drinks or whatever, but this is like, hey, let's take this hour to turn on. We like to turn on, like, like Chris Stapleton, like, type of country on our porch outside and just like, connect. Like, what was your favorite part of the day? What's. What's feeling good for you right now? What are you struggling with? Like, asking really specific questions to know how they're feel, like, really feeling during this. And also, I think it's fun to ask. We've been asking a lot of questions about, like, what we were just saying, what. What do you want to. When you do. We did a podcast on this. When you want to do your relaunch of, like, when. When life starts back up again, what are you gonna keep and what's gonna go? Like, how are you going to have your rel of your life? So we're taking this time to ask really, like, deep questions to each other of. Of if this truly is a time to reset. Like, what do we want to keep and what. What's working and what's not working for us, like, right down to in our relationship, to in our work life, to our rituals, to how we connect to God, to how we, like, meditate, like, everything. So I think the more that, you know, the deeper questions that you ask, the closer you can get to your partner. So I think that could be fun, like carving out those times to just like ask questions, ask fun questions to each other, back and forth.

I love that idea. I need to do that because we're struggling. Just we're. We're not connecting like that and we need to.

Well, sometimes, I mean, you guys are in a. You guys are in kind of an interesting situation. So I just want to have you give yourself grace around that because I don't know if I'd be connecting in that way, honestly, if I was at my in laws house, because that causes a lot. There's a. You're sharing a lot of energy. Right. Like sharing a lot of energy. And it's his parents. So if you're frustrated, you can't exactly take out frustrations. And they're not even bad. It's just like the frustration you don't want. We're people. Like, the frustration bubbles over into the people that we're around. So you're. You're in a bit of a unique situation. So just give yourself grace around that. But yeah, when you get home or on your car ride or whatever, that looks like you can absolutely carve out those moments and ask those questions and dream or play stupid idea time. And yeah, I'm excited to hear. I'm excited to hear what you guys think. What's. So what's been. If that's okay. What is. What is frustrating? Is it just like in. In the. Not frustrating in the relationship, but what's been challenging in the relationship? Not having a place or time to connect. Like, feel like you can really drop into your own space or what?

Yeah, exactly that. I think it's hard when you're, you know, working from the same place and you don't really have that much space or time to yourselves. And then we try to go on walks. We do go on walks every morning together. But even then I'm just like in a cranky mood and need to be quiet almost the whole time.

Yeah.

So I feel like a lot of people are like that now too. I definitely wanted even just the thought of like going outside and like sitting on the grass together or somewhere away from people just to have a couple minutes to be like, how are you doing?

Who are you? You know what I mean? You guys could do that before you go home. Yeah. To plan a little picnic. Picnic basket.

Yeah. That would be really cute.

Yeah. Even for an hour. And just be like, hey, let's ask each other questions. Like just so we can reconnect before we leave. This place feels like a movie. I don't know. Just really does leave this place behind.

Let's leave this place behind. I truly feel like I'm having an out of body experience today. Like, what is it?

I don't know.

I feel it too, though. So, you guys, thanks for hanging in there and thanks for all of your epically awesome questions. Always submitting them. Yeah, maybe. Here's why I think it's important. Like, you know, we don't edit, like, anything ever. But here's why I think it's important for people to hear us while we're aliens is because they feel this way as well. And they're probably just like, yeah, this is terrible, but I feel alien as well. And I actually don't think it's terrible because I fully enjoyed my conversation with you and connecting with you. So it's great that we just record it and put it out into the airwaves and see what the universe does with it.

Yeah, just let it out, you know, Let it out.

It's up to them. There's a fast forward button, a skip, and a delete on their phones.

Yeah.

Not my responsibility for you to like me. Just letting, you know, delete my. Delete my face if you don't like it. You know what I'm saying? Like, someone right now is deleting our faces.

Oh, yeah. They're like, never again.

Who are these people? I'm going to leave a review. Okay. All right.

Okay. Sorry.

No, never say sorry for being Evans. That's a sin. Okay, you guys, well, any last little. Let's drop a nugget. Drop a nugget. Let me clarify that. That's wisdom.

Yeah, a little nugget of wisdom. The only thing I'm feeling today is sometimes you're not going to feel like you're in your body and that's okay.

Oh, we just, you know, we just need to make quote tiles and watch. Watch when the three people like them in our realm. It's gonna be a great business.

Yeah. Gonna be very successful.

Really, really good. Okay, you guys, thank you so much for listening. Make sure you tag both of us. Let us know what you got from this incredibly mind blowing podcast today. And until next time, be question. Questionably awesome, because that's what being a human is.

Bye, Evans. Bye, Lori.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye Bye.