543. 13 things strong people avoid

You have to know that if you want the result, you're going to have to be patient. You're going to have to start doing little things every single day to move towards that and you are going to start seeing results. But it's all about consistency. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Foreign. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I'm really excited to chat today because I just read an article that kicked my ass in every single way and I absolutely loved it. You know that once in a while on here, okay, a lot of times I get pretty fired up because when I'm on this podcast, I'm just coaching myself. So if anybody has a podcast or is thinking about a podcast, my God. If you ever feel like you're going to run out of topics, simply ask yourself this question, what the hell do I need to hear today? And then go up into your podcast room. Mine's upstairs. Or yours could be in a tree, I don't know. Just go up into your podcast room and record whatever you need to say to yourself. And if it helps you, helps everybody else. And that's pretty much just the key to serving people, is if you have the question and you need the answer, share it. Share it publicly. Okay, so before we do this, I really want to share with you that I have launched my Instagram page for my new company at Drink Light Pink. That's at Drink L I T E P I N K. And you guys, it would truly mean the world to me to have you help me start growing that community. Because when I say that this company is built by you for you, I am not. I'm literally not kidding you. I am having you guys vote on the cans. I'm having you guys vote on a bunch of different things. I'm building out the community and I am using that page as proof to show what it is that we are actually Craving. And I believe that that is massive connection, intentions, better questions, better answers, and knowing that we are all only a few better questions and one person away from getting whatever it is that we're desiring, right from understanding what we need to build our dreams and that we need each other to build our dreams. So go over to that page, if you would. Pretty please like it, share it, comment on the post, Let me know what exactly is resonating for you, because truly, it is going to be a page and platform that I'm creating to really celebrate women. So let me know what content you want to see more of. You can actually DM me at Lori Harder. Let me know what type of content you are loving on that page. So, yeah, I gave you, I gave you some homework, but that's what we got to do, you guys. You got to ask. You got to ask for support. And I definitely, definitely am going to be asking throughout this podcast for different things that you love. Because I cannot wait to launch. I'll probably start with online sales in the fall. So there you go. I'm asking. And if you know any alcohol experts, this is my ad for people to DM me. And let me know if you know anybody in the alcohol industry, alcohol experts with growing large companies, sales, marketing, all of those things there. I just put out an ad that was great. I didn't even have to write it out. So DM me if you know anybody. Here we go into the podcast. Guys, if you're feeling sensitive today and you don't want an ass whooping, this may not be the podcast for you. I'm warning you. It's like letting you know that there's an explicit, explicit lyrics warning. Even though I don't know if I'm going to get explicit here, but I'm just warning you that we're going to, we are not going to be gentle with ourselves today. Right? We're going to have grace on the other side of this, but we're going to be really, really real. And if you need that, stay tuned in. If you're like, you know what, you can shove it. Lori. I need to be gentle with myself because I'm PMSing and I'm gonna eat a whole chocolate bar and you're flipping me off right now. Oh, my God, I get it. I. I'm there, you know, quite a bit. So. So tune me out. And then listen to this when you're feeling like you want a good kick in the ass. Okay, here we go. This is actually a Forbes article written by Cheryl Connor So if you guys wanna see this whole thing once in a while, there are pieces that I just know that I have to summarize and have to share with you guys. And this was an article that I absolutely loved because it is called mentally strong the 13 things they avoid. And like I said, I coach you guys or share what I am needing right now. And right now I am needing to be mentally strong. I'm stepping into a very male dominated world and I am also stepping into a world that I am unfamiliar with, starting this new company, even though I'm learning at a very accelerated rate. So I can tell you that mental strength is like the thing that I am leaning into. And the more that I lean into it, the more I am just in awe of what I'm capable of and how much fun that this is actually getting, even though it's scaring the shit out of me. So here we go. So, Cheryl Connor, it's called Mentally strong people the 13 things they avoid. This is a Forbes article that like blew up everywhere. People were obsessed with it. So number one, wasting time and feeling sorry for yourself. And I'm going to just give you a little snippet of how this has applied to my life and where I'm at now. So wasting time and feeling sorry for myself. So I used to spend so much time focusing on the fact that the reasons why I couldn't and the main reasons that came up for me was because I did not have a chance to be educated when I was younger. I was homeschooled through high school. I was raised in a restrictive religion. You guys all know the story if you listen to this podcast. Education was not encouraged. I was going to, you know, preach and go door to door and essentially just share about the Bible, etcetera, for the rest of my life, which is great, right? That's a beautiful way for people to live if that's, if that is your calling in life. But that was not my calling. My calling was to help people transform their minds, their bodies, their income. And I do believe that all of that glory does go back to God. But that's a whole other, you know, it's not even a whole other story. I think it's all related. I think it's all related. So I used to sit and think, oh, my God, I'm not educated. I was raised in this way. I was told I shouldn't do this. I was told to be humble. How am I ever gonna break free out of this? Like, I just felt like I was never going to get Ahead. And by the way, being homeschooled, it was a very different time. So right now, homeschooling is a. It's a beautiful thing. You can get an incredible education being homeschooled. At the time, I, you know, when I was homeschooled, my parents did not. They were working, so. So I essentially homeschooled myself. So just want to share that, FYI, because so many kids are homeschooling, and I actually, if, when we have children, plan to most likely homeschool my children. So I think it's an incredible education. All right, moving on. Number two, they give away their power. So things that mentally strong people do not do, they do not give away their power. Their power. They understand that they are in control of their emotions. So when somebody comments on Instagram or sends you a dm or your mother says that she is disappointed in you, or your family says something awful, or your husband decides not to support you in certain things, you don't give your power to that and say, this is why I can't. You continue to find a way that you can. Look, you're a human. You're going to feel bad for a little bit, but you're not going to sit in it. All right, number three, shy away from change. Oh, my God, does this resonate right now? Because right now a lot of people are in a place of, oh, my God, the world has changed. This is awful. When is it gonna go back? This doesn't feel good. I'm very uncertain. I'm waiting for certainty. I don't like change. Like, when we say things like that, like, hey, you know, I'm a person that doesn't like change, your brain hears that. So when things change and things change every day and the only thing certain in life is that things will change, you're not going to have a very fun time in life because your entire life is never going to feel certain because nothing stays the same. So you really are going to try to embrace change. You're going to say, okay, I know that things are changing, but things are always changing, and I've always been able to adapt or I am easily adaptable. Humans are made to adapt, or how can I adapt? Or what can I do to support myself around this feeling right now? So you have to remember that sometimes changing environments can actually help you and energize you. Because there's one thing about energy is. Or the one thing about energy is that it does not like to sit still. If you guys have ever lived near a pond or in The Midwest in the summertime, stagnant water is disgusting. Come August, like, you absolutely want to move that energy around. And the world does that for us. So we can kind of look at the world as, you know, being grateful for having it shift things, move things around, move people out of our life, even if it feels like we're not ready for it. I believe it knows best, and that has always served me is to say, okay, maybe this is. Maybe this is happening for me. What lesson should I look for if I thought maybe this was happening for me? Number four, they don't waste energy on things they can't control. So not going to think about, you know, it talks about traffic in here, talks about luggage. It talks about, you know, losing your luggage, talks about things that are going wrong out in the world that you really, really focus on, talks about. You know, for me, a big one used to be going on, on Facebook and seeing all of, like, you know, the abused animals or starving children and getting stuck there. Like, you really have to decide where you're going to put your energy for that day. Because what would happen is I would see all of these terrible things that were going on in the world, and instead of taking action to, like, even change them or do something about it, I just feel bad. I'd read it and start being like, oh, my God, feeling all of my energy, start to go to these things. And now I decide, okay, if I'm going to read this and I'm going to do this and I'm going to go into this vortex, am I going to help? Am I going to donate? Am I going to get this into the hands and the eyes of the right people? And I'm not necessarily going to share it on my page because I don't want to contribute to that energy of an energy of not directing, of not actually making change. So I'm not saying sharing is bad. I am absolutely saying that I have decided that if I'm going to share it, I'm going to be specific, or I'm going to ask a friend who I know is super passionate about animals, or ask if I can share into a page with people who are passionate about animals, like making sure that I'm doing things a little more intentional and actually taking action toward it. So if I can't take action toward it and I'm not going to that day, or I have to put my energy somewhere else that day, let's say you have a giant, like, zoom call or coaching with a bunch of people. Probably not a great idea to Be putting your energy towards things that you're not going to be able to control whatsoever that day. So don't waste your energy on things that you cannot control. You know, and a lot of people who meant it says mentally strong people, they just don't complain much. And I have to tell you that I've had some people tell me that, and this was in the past, but I have had some people, some mentors tell me that they, they feel like maybe I don't share enough of the bad things happening in my life. So then I seem less approachable. And now while I think that's a great, like, method for some people, if that feels good to you, I think some people are here to really share all of that journey. For me, I've always been a silver lining person. It doesn't really feel good to share everything because it feels like I'm wasting my energy in that place. I feel a bit complaining, even though I know it's not like, honestly, so we have a new, you know, we have a new puppy and I. It's like there, there are so many things that are not in our control in our daily lives. And picking and choosing what we want to put our energy towards is going to be one of the, the keys to your success. And I think people have looked at my life and said, wow, it must be nice or it must be easier. It seems like everything always goes right for you. I've had a couple people write me and be like, oh, my God, I'm just having, you know, you're so lucky. Your dog is like, you know, you, you have a great puppy. My dog has done, has done this and done that and has this problem. And I'm like, oh, girl. My dog has been to the vet three times. I now have a $4,000 vet bill that is being racked up. We thought he broke his arm, he had worms in his poop, he was sick. There's been a million things. We thought he had hip dysplasia. So then he got X rays for that. Like, we have been in and out spending nights going to the emergency vet, but I'm just not going to focus on it more than I have to. I get it done. Like, I don't sit and complain. I don't sit and think about it too long. I'm in the car and I say to Chris, what? We're getting to the solution. One step closer to the solution. Okay, doesn't matter to dwell on it. Let's just, let's fix it. There is no dwelling for Chris and I, there is very little dwelling for off for very often. It's literally if something is going on in our business, if something huge is going on in our family, we say, great, okay, this sucks. Feel it. And then we assess what our options are. What can we control? What's the solution? And then we move forward on that. Maybe it's, you know, parents health. There's a lot of health problems that so many people do not know about that we do not share, whether it's heart attacks or strokes or whatever that looks like, because we are going to look at it and make the best of it. I'm not going to waste my life dwelling on it on what I cannot control. So don't waste any time dwelling on things you can't control. All right, number five, worry about people pleasing others. Oh, man. Okay, this one, now this one is tough for me. I definitely can get into the people pleasing thing, but the second I realize I'm doing it, it's makes me stand still. So I'm like, why do I not wanna, why do I not want to take this risk? Why am I afraid right now? Oh, I'm worried about what this person will think. Oh, I'm worried about really saying how I feel because I'm. I'm worried about upsetting the apple cart. I'm worrying about upsetting my family. Now of course there are things to take into consideration there, but if it's keeping you from doing the thing that you know you are being called to, you're gonna have to figure out the motor most loving way in order to do that. So you're never going to make everyone happy. But if your intentions are pure and you're coming from love, you don't have to worry about it. All right, number six, they fear taking calculated risks. Now you're not going to get anywhere in life if you don't take risks. It's just a fact. So you're going to calculate them as much as possible to the point where you've asked people who have done it before and you have to know and you've assessed the risks and you know that no matter what on the other side of the risk that you're taking, you're going to be okay. Okay does not mean that you're going to have a cushy life. Okay means that you are going to be mentally okay. And you can bounce back and you can create that income again. Okay. Might even mean selling all your stuff and moving into a tiny apartment, moving into your parents basement because you need to leave Your wife or your husband or whatever that looks like, you guys, you have to really look at the absolute overall picture. Like, you need to take risks in order to get to the place where you're going to go. And risks do not have cushy landings, right? Risks do not have cushy landings if they don't work out, but they do give you the exact landing that you need to move forward on, what you need to do next. So, number seven, mentally strong people do not dwell on the past, right? You have a story. You have these things that have stopped you before. You can't keep looking back in the rear view mirror. You will never move forward. And you guys all know this. But I think that it can come in different ways. Sometimes I can hear people talking about and I can be doing this as well, right? Where we can look at the past or how we were or something that we did, and we can get stuck there. Like, oh, that was the. That. That was the peak of my life. That was the peak of my career. If this is your story, you will never have another peak. I truly believe my peaks are all in front of me until the day that I die. Because that is going to be a choice. No matter what I am, no matter where I'm at in life or how I'm feeling, I will create another purpose. So dwelling on the past is a way to just feel emotionally, mentally, and career wise stuck. Number eight, I'm going kind of fast because, man, there's 13 of these make the same mistakes over and over. So the definition of insanity it talks about in this article is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different outcome. Holy shit. I can't tell you how many times I did this in the fitness world, just even with my food. Like, okay, I'm gonna compete, you know, in four months and I'm gonna go on this diet and I'm gonna do the same thing and I'm gonna get this outcome. And it's like, I didn't get this outcome last time. What makes me think I'm gonna get it this time? I was restricting myself so much that I started binge eating every single time. So what makes me think this time I'm gonna turn into some sort of willpower robot? And these things like, how could I do this a different way? With more love, more grace, more support. And that's when things started to come to me. Just like, just like in business and growing this business that I'm doing right now, like, I can't expect to do something alone if I want to reach a new peak, a new place that I have never been. I am going to have to take on new people, I'm going to have to take on new friends. I'm going to have to take on so many new habits and ideas and beliefs in order to get to the place where I want to go.

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Resent other people's success. Mentally strong people do not do this. In fact, they look at success and they look at what clue it left and they study very, very closely exactly what that person did. I'm telling you, the more you celebrate someone's success, the more successful you are going to be. Number 10 she says give up after failure. I think we all know this one. If you listen to this podcast, you're probably sitting there like duh. Because failure is the opening for your dreams. Failure is feedback and failure is your guidance system. Right? The faster we can fail, the better. I really actually hate the word failure. I wish it was just like test flight or something like that. It's like just testing it out, right? It's just a, it's just a test. Like you can be like, yeah, I launched that. It was just a test. So we're good. Yeah, it totally didn't go the way I wanted, but that's great because everything that I do is a test. So you know, you do one test and all of a sudden it was a great test and it's, it's fantastic. So it just takes a lot of tests in order to understand what actually works. Number 11, fearing alone time. And I think that a lot of people are probably in this place right now and you can use if you are feel fearing alone time right now because we are isolated, right? We're not supposed to be this isolated. Especially if you are living alone or single or things like that. Like this is a tough time. So yes, fearing alone time. This can be really real for you. Right now I feel like it would be real for me if I was single. But I can say that fearing alone time to be mentally strong, it's like learning to sit with yourself. You know that quote, everywhere you go, there you are. It's kind of that quote, it's kind of that thought from that quote of like, hey, no matter what you do in life, you're never going to to be able to run away from yourself. So at what it is that is making you be afraid to be alone, is it, is it that you're looking at something you're not happy with? Do you need to forgive yourself? Do you need to have some grace? Do you need to forgive someone else? Do you need to, you know, potentially get therapy? Do you need to talk to a friend? What does that look like to work through fearing alone time? So number 12, mentally strong people do not feel the world owes them anything. So the world does not owe them anything. I love this so much because no matter where you're at, it's not like it's not about, oh, I should be getting that salary, I should be getting that promotion, I should be doing that thing. Because what the shoulds do and what the focusing on what you believe should be happening, what happens when you do that is it blocks you from seeing your potential. It blocks you from seeing your actual path. So, so often when we get in that should or reliance upon someone else or the world owing them something, we. It also goes back to, I think it was number two of giving your power away. You're giving your power away to thinking that someone is going to come and save you and should be taking care of you when truly all of that power is yours. If something is not working, you can go create it, ask for it, or find something. EL so number 13, you guys, we've arrived at number 13. Mentally strong people do not expect immediate results. And I learned this earlier on in my life and I'm so grateful for it because of, you know, starting with my life with physical transformation and physical fitness. And if I learned one thing, it took me years and years and years and years to grasp this. And it was because I just kept doing the definition of insanity. I kept doing the same exact thing expecting a different result. And I didn't. I started working out at a really young age because my family really struggled with their weight. And I did not want what I saw in my family, health wise for my future. And that is when I decided to make some changes. Changes. And what changed first was that I started working out and while I got stronger and I noticed a few small changes, you know, After a year or two years, I just did not understand anything about food. So for about six, seven, eight years, I don't even know how long it was. I just, I would try to diet, I would try to understand that world, but I didn't quite get it. And you guys, it was the 90s, so it was like, oh, great, fat free, but, but you know, super high sugar. Still, still eating mass quantities. Like, not understanding why I never felt full or content because I was like a carb. Carb. Carbosaurus rex, essentially. It's all I ate. So I didn't understand. I was banging my head against a wall because I wasn't really doing the research and I wasn't really willing to do the nutrition part yet. I wasn't there yet in my journey. And some of you guys listening feel that, like, you feel that really deeply. Like, you know, you need to do something, you know, you need to leave something. You know, you need to maybe leave a friend, leave a, you know, separate yourself from some family members for a while. Maybe, you know, you need to leave a job. You know, you need to step up and do something really hard. You know, you need to speak up. You know, you need to have boundaries. You know, you need to do something scary. You know, you need to hire a coach. You know, you need to put money down. But you're a afraid and you're not ready yet. And that's okay. That's okay. Awareness is the very number one thing. But you have to know that if you want the result, you're going to have to be patient. You're going to have to start doing little things every single day to move towards that, and you are going to start seeing results. But it's all about consistency. It's all about consistency. So no matter where you are right now, you're like, oh, I want that business right now, or, oh, I want that income, or that big launch. Guys, it's just not how it works. If I, oh my God, if I knew how to skip those steps for you, I'd have the most popular podcast. I'd be the most freaking popular person in the world, right? And that's just not the case because the only thing that I can do for you is to share my experience and give you tangible steps. And it's, it's long, it's not easy, it's a slow process, but it is worthwhile. And in the process, you meet yourself, you feel connected to your creator, you get the best people who come into your life. And yeah, there's some really Tough along the way too. Really, really tough stuff along the way. So if you're in that spot, I'm sending you massive love today and you're gonna be great. Like, it's for you. Never, ever doubt that it's not for you because it so is. If you're sitting in it right now and it's just like, God, I want to be anywhere but here. Oh, if you are, if you are getting some really tough lessons right now, you're on the fast track. That's always what I think and always what I feel. Especially if you're learning them in public. Especially if people are calling you out or you're embarrassed or people are saying things to you online or whatever. Like you're, you're fast tracked. So look up, thank the universe, thank God, whatever you believe and say thank you for these really fast lessons because that means I get fast growth and I get to move into something a little bit quicker. It's not fun, but my goodness, it is. You are going to be so blessed on the other side. So, you guys, I hope that you love this. I loved this article. Again, if you want to read the entire article, it is. You just literally Google mentally strong people the 13 things they avoid. And that is Cheryl Connor, who wrote this freaking amazing article. So I hope that you enjoyed this and what I would love is if you'd share with me your takeaways. Maybe something that hit you, maybe something that opened up for you. If you feel, if you feel like you really resonated with a lot of these, maybe you feel like you check off all 13. Freaking awesome. So proud of you. And I would love, love, love if you would go and follow at drink light pink on Instagram and just comment. Just help me create this community and let me know what type of content you want to see on there and maybe we'll feature you on that page because we'll be featuring a lot of badass women. So until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this and episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.