547. You require this kind of challenge to thrive

What you do, when you choose your own adventure, choose your own challenge, you actually move towards a positive outcome. And you can move in a way that you are growing instead of regressing, instead of feeling beat down. But your mind will always want to overcome something. Your mind will always want to grow. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junk lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie, because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I am so obsessed with seeing you guys, what you're doing right now, especially right now, and how you are creating the life that you want, you are relaunching in the way that you want. You are choosing to do challenging things. And it's so much fun to see you guys where you're listening to the podcast. So make sure you tag and let me know what you got out of the podcast where you're listening. Because it's so much fun for me to actually think about. I'm on a walk right now. I'm on the treadmill. I'm helping you clean the house. Kind of like how I took credit for that. Like, I just want you to look around if your home is clean and be like, yeah, Lori did that. I didn't at all. No, I didn't. But I just tried to take credit for that. Okay. So I just want to remind you that whatever you're feeling right now is so freaking perfect for your evolution. I had the funkiest funk ass week last week. I'm telling you, could not snap out of it no matter what I did. And just the realization that that is a part of life and to be like, yeah, this is great. This is awesome. I'm just gonna sit here in it and see what it's trying to tell me, if it's trying to tell me anything. Sometimes I don't get any messages. Sometimes it's not profound. Sometimes it's just shitty, guys. Sometimes I'm just Like, eh, don't love feeling this way. But it's such a beautiful contrast to how I love to feel. So what I want to chat with you today about is choosing challenge. Choosing challenge. What do I mean by choosing challenge? I mean, instead of letting the world choose your challenges, I want you to actually choose them first. Because if you don't choose the challenge with the desired outcome that you want, challenge will choose you, challenge will choose you. So what is that going to look like for you? What type of challenge are you going to choose? Because if you are not actually having your brain focus on something that it wants to get through, move past, grow toward the world, is going to choose a challenge for you that is not so fun, it's going to suck even worse than the challenge that you choose. So what do I mean by this? I mean, before I decided to start breaking the cycle of not completing things or doing a fitness competition back in the very beginning, right? Or trying to become a certified personal trainer, or before I started to think I wanted to write a book and started writing a book. Like all of the challenges that I started choosing for myself to focus on back before I started choosing, let me tell you what was choosing me. What was choosing me was I was letting life happen to me. I was just kind of applying for these jobs and not getting jobs. So the challenges were, I'm not good enough, I can't find a job. The challenges were, I'm drinking way too much, I'm eating way too much. I'm so challenged by my anxiety. I was so challenged by my depression because I wasn't focusing on a challenge that was actually positive. You guys, it is in our DNA to desire, to need to live and breathe a challenge. So no matter what, if you're not creating a positive challenge and choosing the one you want, like choosing your own adventure, choose your own challenge. If you're not choosing it, you're going to find one to focus on or you're going to get one that is very negative, or you're going to focus on other people's problems and trying to solve that. And we all know that shit doesn't work, so you might as well choose your own. And from there, what you do, when you choose your own adventure, choose your own challenge, you actually move towards a positive outcome. And you can move in a way that you are growing instead of regressing, instead of feeling beat down, but your mind will always want to overcome something. Your mind will always want to grow. So what's going to happen is if you don't choose a challenge big enough for yourself, you're going to focus on something that feels big. So what do I mean by this? I mean that I found myself in a crazy place last year, and I was really even. I felt so much shame around even sharing it with anyone. So I'm just starting to share it now. After I wrote my book, I started to feel really depressed and anxious. And I thought, what a brat, like, who actually feels this way after they accomplish something and they have what I have and. And have created what I've been able to create over the years. Like, what a jerk. I was feeling depressed, I was feeling lonely, I was feeling anxious because I was putting what I thought was gonna be a destination. I thought I was gonna feel different after the book. I thought I was going to accomplish something and feel like a different person. And I found that the more that I accomplished these things that I thought were going to be this place where I felt more peace, you guys, I thought I was over this. I thought I did all the self development work. I thought I could have told you this like, 10 years ago. Okay, not 10, like five years ago. And yet here it is again, right? The human. The very, very human cycle of wow. I didn't realize I was putting so much pressure on the outcome. And I was. And so I found myself in kind of a depressed place, an anxious place, a lonely place that I wasn't even sharing with my husband because I felt so ashamed. And then one day it just built up and built up and built up and I just burst into tears and said, I can't, like, live this way anymore. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. I don't know what I'm doing to, like, feel like, where I'm. Where am I putting pressure on myself? What am I thinking? Like, I couldn't figure out what I was doing to myself to make myself feel that way. And what I'm starting to look back at is that I'm realizing that I need challenge in my life. Yes, I need peace, and yes, I need connection, and yes, I need working out, and yes, I need, you know, recharge and rest. But I crave to have an ongoing challenge or growth. So, like, not a growth on myself. I don't crave that, but I change. I crave growth. So I said, oh, my God, I've stopped kind of challenging myself recently. I've stopped kind of giving myself something bigger because it's almost like the more you achieve, the more you kind of get scared of going out of this new identity that you've carved for yourself. Because I didn't realize I was like, well, what if I'm not good at that? Or. Which I've. I've never actually been afraid of. But I actually started doubting myself. Like, what if this is it? What if this is my, you know, the max peak where I can go. I don't know if I can handle more. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that hard work again. And I thought, you know, I'm gonna challenge the belief that a new challenge that's really challenging has to be as challenging as I made it in the past. That was a lot of me saying challenging right there. I hope you're still with me. So with that said, let's pick that apart for just a second. I'm gonna challenge the belief that when I choose a challenge, right? Cause my book was, like, one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life, that it has to be as hard as I made the last challenge. So the last one, when I was writing my book, I got really burnt out. I got really disconnected from people. Because when I would hit a wall, instead of going to recharge, what I did a lot was I would sit in front of my computer screen longer by myself. So when I would hit a wall, what I would do is instead of, like, getting up and going and doing the things that actually recharge me or being around people or going. Getting out in nature and finding ideas in that way, what I chose to do was when I would hit a wall, I would just stand up and go find another wall and bang my head against it. So. So that's what it was like sitting at a computer screen, getting, like, so frustrated with myself not being able to write and then just sitting there longer, I just chose a different wall to bang my head on. Not recharging, not doing the things that fill me up, because I just felt like I. I was like, maybe I'm not disciplined enough. And I also noticed I didn't have, like, a very disciplined calendar until the end of that book. Like, I just was hoping to get inspiration. Like, a lot of us are hoping to get inspiration on our business, on our book, on whatever we're putting out into the world. And that's just. It's not going to happen sitting at a computer screen, you guys. It's going to happen around other people, and it's going to happen with the schedule, and it's going to happen. Getting very disciplined and also giving yourself space and time to recharge and also making sure that you understand this challenge is just important for your soul. Right? So for me, now, I have chosen. You know, when I hit that place, I was like, I know what it is. After sitting in the, you know, muck forever, I was like, I know what it is. I need a bigger challenge. And I've been afraid of the bigger challenge because I've been afraid it's going to really change my life, and I'm not gonna be able to handle the stress of it again. I'm afraid I'm gonna be, you know, so burnt out, and it's gonna look like X, y, and Z. And I was like, all right, I'm gonna challenge the idea that I'm gonna think that this is so challenging. And while, yes, of course, what I'm doing is the craziest, most challenging thing I've ever done in my life, I'm also not getting so attached when things are not going the way that I hope they would go. Yes. I get stressed and I cry, and then I say, okay, this is not working. Go outside, call a friend. Let's do it differently. Let's invite in a coach. Let's ask people for help. Like, let's really rally and ask for help. Let's sit and pray about it. Let's say. Let's say, God, I need some serious help right now. I'm feeling that feeling where I am so frustrated. I don't believe in myself, and I want to throw in the towel, Except I know that you gave this to me, and I also know that you can redirect me if I let go of this feeling and lean into faith. So, yeah, this crap takes a long time. This stuff takes way longer than you think. So just be in it, because the challenge is what is meant for you. The challenge is what keeps your soul thriving. The challenge is what makes you wake up and, like, be excited about waking up. Don't get me wrong. Some mornings, you're not going to be excited because you're overwhelmed. But if you're feeling like, oh, my God, I don't know what to do with myself, maybe choose a challenge that's going to make you feel excited about seeing what you can stretch to excited about expansion, excited about your capacity. Because I know that if I would have chosen the challenge that I thought I could just accomplish again, which was another book, and that seemed crazy challenging, I almost went this route. I was like, okay, you know what? I'm watching all of these incredible speakers and authors. I guess this is the route I guess I'm just supposed to write another book. I guess I'm just supposed to speak on bigger stages. And when I actually played that out to the end for myself, for myself, right. I thought that was the dream. I started to say, I don't even know if I really love traveling all the time to go and speak. That can be really lonely, right? Having to always prep for a talk that throws me into anxiety, into a new audience, which for a lot of people that's not the case. But for me, it was causing me so much like stress to go in front of new audiences all the time that I wasn't familiar with and give these talks that I was like, maybe it's not something I want to do in front of thousands and thousands of people or arenas all the time, right? Absolutely. Something I want to do some of the time. But maybe what I thought was going to be my life isn't what I actually want now. That's crazy. So I sat and said, what is that? What does that life look like? What does it look like to be on tour speaking? What does it look like to be on tour all the time for your book? What does it look like to be writing a book? And at that point, guys, I was lonely and I was writing a book about tribe, right? We write what we need. And right when I'm done, I'm like, damn, I wrote what I needed and I'm not fully giving it to myself. Was I connecting with people? Sure. But what I realized is that I want to be in work, that I collaborate with women. I want to be doing something that actually allows me to collaborate and connect with women constantly while I'm in the creative process that was not speaking or writing a book, Right. And yes, it helped that I brought in a writing coach and all of the things, but when you're writing, you're writing alone.

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And so that's when I started thinking, what is it that I want to be doing? What kind of things do I want to do? I want to be going to these other women's events and like adding value to their events and talking about business and showing that we can do whatever we want. We can raise money with each other if we want. We can invest in each other. We can get these ideas out in the world together. We can collaborate on these ideas, on marketing on creation, on helping each other share each other's products, on adding value to different things that we're doing. I could actually, when I thought of this drink company, I was like, oh, my God, I could go to these events. I could add value through these cocktails. I could, you know, cocktails and mocktails, whatever that looks like. I could be teaching people how to connect through these questions on the can. I could be showing them how I was able to launch this company with their help, and they can do the exact same thing. Like, that was exciting to me. So play it till the end. Play your outcome until the end and see if it's actually the challenge that you want. So, you guys, I'm, like, madly in love with you. It is so insane how we can. Especially during COVID right, that we can just be like, holy shit, I love these people. Like, I'm so grateful we're all in this together. Thank you for listening to this. Thank you for sharing. You guys are the only way the podcast grows. It's literally the only way. So when you share, that means the world to me. And I will tell you, I don't have the marketing dollars of, you know, Coors, Anheuser Busch, White Claw, all of these things. So I am truly counting on all of you to help with the marketing plan of light Pink. So it would mean the world to me if you are. If this has ever added value to you to not only share the podcast, but if you'd go follow that page and stay tuned and just bring awareness around some things that we're gonna be doing. I'm gonna be bringing you some epic giveaways and also some really cool things that we're doing to build the community. Because this whole. The whole drink company is based on connection. The North Star is connection. That is the problem that I'm solving is people who are lonely and people who feel isolated and people who don't feel connected to their community, to their dream, to their desire, to themselves. I really want to solve the problem of loneliness. So connection is what we're gonna do. You know that you're connecting to a community when you connect in with light pink. Community, education, women, all of the things. So if you'd go to that page, potentially share it or just follow along, comment, vote. Because we are creating the content, we're creating the imagery, we're creating the marketing around your voice and what it is that you guys want. So I hope that you are, if you have a business and you love what we're doing, go over there and learn take notes because you can absolutely launch your businesses in the same way, if you have a product brewing in your soul, please go watch. Like this is what it's all about is teaching women that we can do this ourselves. We can absolutely figure out how to fund our dream and do it with each other and support each other. Instead of always having to rely on outside sources, we can actually rely on this sisterhood that we've created to launch our brands, launch our companies, launch our businesses. We can help each other. So thank you guys so much. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the Earn your happy Happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really, really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye bye.