557. 3 ways to get over the fear of starting - with Ameerah Saine

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When I have a disturbing feeling or a feeling that doesn't really resonate with my body, where I'm having a lot of doubt or angst, I kind of reverse engineer it and say, okay, why am I feeling this way? And most of the time it becomes self doubt or something, maybe hurt me. And then I recognize that I don't want to feel that way. So what can I do with this particular thought to make me move forward?

Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of the Bliss Project. Three time fitness world champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough, we take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie, because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And it's so much fun because on today's quickie, I invited someone along because you know what? I have had to jump back into doing these because I think I've skipped about three for the first time ever in three and a half or four years or whatever it is that this podcast has been around for. And I really just needed some motivation to leap back in. And this girl was the perfect girl to get me started on an amazing path. And let me tell you, I had so much fun talking to her. You guys are gonna get so, so many amazing wisdom bombs, because Amira Sain is the founder of Brunch and Slay, and she also has the incredible Brunch and Slay podcast, which I was just able to go on. She's a graduate of Texas University Commerce, veteran on the Texas Army National Guard, and former regional sales director for Remington Administrative Services. She's been recognized and awarded for her leadership skills and service to to her country. You guys, this is all about fear. And I don't know about you, but no matter how many times I do something new, fear still creeps up. And we talk about that, and these are three major things that stop us and three ways to get over it. So let's get started on the quickie with Amira.

Amira, I'm so excited that you could come on the show, and this is so much fun because normally I do my quickie episodes alone, but you know what? I just feel like talking to someone today. So thank you so much for coming on and sharing some of your wisdom. I got to be on your show. Tell me a little bit about your show right now.

Oh, sure. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. My show is the Brunch and Slay podcast, and it's geared mostly toward women who want to thrive in business and in life. So we literally consider ourselves a stage, and we hold the spotlight where we shine a light on women who are disruptors in their space and who are literally creating something out of nothing in a lot of cases, and just highlighting their businesses, their brands, their products, and talking about their journey and how they slay in business and in life. And we do it every Tuesday.

Is that Normally in person or has this all started from the podcast?

Oh, yeah, it's all from the podcast. And we have had live podcast recordings, of course. And it actually started out as a pop up event series. So it started as a digital platform. And once we started the event series and folks kept reaching out, wanting more content, we evolved into a pop. Because I am not a natural writer, right. So blogging was not gonna work for me. But speaking and helping women feel loved and encouraged, that's my jam. So it was just a no brainer for me, for me to just kind of share the platform with other women.

Oh, my God, I love that. I think people forget about that with ideas that honestly, a lot of times the initial idea that you have is probably not gonna be the one that you end up like. Like it's going to evolve, it's going to totally change. So it doesn't have to be perfect in the beginning or it can just totally morph into something else.

Yeah. And you know, in my experience, I think they all kind of layer, like, we start out with our guns blazing and we're going to change the world with this one idea. And then you realize like two or three years in, it's like, oh, if I hadn't have done that, I would not be here. So it's just like breadcrumbs, right?

Oh, my God, you just gave me full body chills. Because Chris and I, my husband on our walk the other day, because I'm starting a new company right now and I said, you know what people don't realize is there's never a real big, like Landfall or Win. I said, it's all breadcrumbs. And if you can just hold on till the next breadcrumb, that's all it is. Breadcrumb to breadcrumb to breadcrumb. So I agree.

Yeah.

And you have to get excited about the breadcrumbs. Like, otherwise there's no, there is no big thing. Like, it's all like these little exciting things.

Well, you know what I think? I think when we have the big things, we see a lot of crash and burning. Right. Because you start out with this huge thing and you think that's the way it works. And when you don't immediately consistently have that, it truly messes with your ego. And most of us aren't built that way. Right. We can't handle that. So it's like, gradual is better. Even though we want it big. Gradual is good for the soul.

Good for the soul. Sustainable. Like, my God, I have burnt myself out. So Many times on, like, just exactly what you said. Like, you kind of either go for the big thing or your, you know, guns blazing for a while, and it's like. It's just. It doesn't work. Like, you actually get really either sick of it or over it or you just can't do it.

Right.

Okay, so today we're gonna chat about kind of the three things that hold you back from doing that thing that you want. And when we were talking right before this, the first one that you said, you're like, obviously, it's all coming from a place of fear.

And I couldn't agree more.

I'm like, yes, let's talk about fear. Because I could literally create a podcast just on fear. That's pretty much what this is and what holds people back. So the number one thing that you said or that one of the three things was fear of not being the expert. So tell me about that one.

Well, you know, it's the imposter syndrome, right? So we talk about that a lot now as far as, am I good enough? Am I worthy enough? And women particularly struggle with this because women, we are oftentimes wanting perfection to prove that we are worthy, as opposed to using our experiences as layers. Right. In a journey of our worth. So I think a lot of times when it comes to sharing new ideas or embarking on the journey of starting something new, we're often wondering, am I gonna be seen as a person who knows their stuff? Right. Are people gonna call me on the carpet and say they saw me mess up? Because we all are human. We have all messed up in front of an audience. Right? And I think that's the thing that we tend to forget sometimes, is that we are all human. And even Beyonce cries in the closet, I'm sure, sometimes.

So, you know, that's a nice picture for me. It makes me feel better.

I want to see her fierce on.

Stage, but I also want to know if she cries in the closet.

Right? Yeah. And I think that's the humanality that we get to share right behind the scenes when we talk about those things that don't just quite land where we thought they were going to, but what we learned from them and how we evolved. But I think that's the first fear is, you know, just wondering if I will be accepted. Will I be seen as an expert?

When did this, like, when have you last had this experience of, you know, thinking, oh, my God, I think I need to have done this before. I need to show up in this way?

Oh, gosh, all the I mean, I have it all the time. Like literally I had the journey and the privilege of being featured in Apple Podcasts for Juneteenth. Right? And I was so over the moon and so ecstatic because that's a huge honor for Apple to highlight your podcast, as you know. And I immediately thought, man, there's a whole lot of good podcasts out there. They're going to say I'm not ready and how did they pick her? I immediately thought that. Which is crazy, right? And that's a perfect example of us just like not seeing that, you know, hard work pays off and live in that moment and appreciate that moment and store it away because more days will come, the dark times will come, you know, and just put it followed away because that feeling will return. And I did deal with it all the time. But that's a perfect example. And this just happened like two or three weeks ago and I was just beating myself up and then something happened in meditation and said, girl, stop. You know, enjoy this time. Yeah.

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Okay, so that's a little lead into. I was gonna ask you if somebody is really leaning hard into. And I had such a, you know, imposter syndrome when, when I started everything. I'm. I'm in it quite a bit right now. To be qu. What are your go to tools to pop yourself out of that?

You know, for me, the number one thing that fixes everything is to get quiet for a minute. I think a lot of times if I can just be alone in my thoughts and then kind of dissect, why are you feeling this? And I've learned something over this last year. And I know this is going to sound kind of new age for a lot of people, but when I have a disturbing feeling or a feeling that doesn't really resonate with my body, where I'm having a lot of doubt or anger, I kind of reverse engineer it and say, okay, why am I feeling this way? And most of the time it becomes like that self doubt or something maybe hurt me. And then I recognize that I don't want to feel that way. So what can I do with this particular thought to make me move forward? How can I change it to the positive? Like, where's that silver lining in this thought? How do I Jedi mind trick myself and to moving forward? And typically it's like, okay, something as simple as I'm mad at my husband. Well, why am I mad? Because I don't think he hurt me. Well, you know, would he intentionally not try to hurt you? No. Okay, well then get over it. Right. Recognizing that we don't have to spend an obscene amount of Time relishing in that negative space. Like I choose to be in the positive space. So it is a practice. It is something that, like I said, I started in 2020. It's something that is daily. It's the struggle, but it's helped immensely. Getting quiet and then just shutting it down. Just shut it down.

Oh, I love. You know what? I love that. And we talk so much about, which by the way, we welcome all of every type of woo here. So definitely those are the thoughts that I go through all of the time. Especially, you know, right now. We are spending months and months together or most people are in quarantine or with whatever is going on in their life. And you can really go down a crazy rabbit hole of things personally, whether it's online or whether it's with your spouse or your family. And it's just like really choosing those battles and going, is this real? Like, I love that you shared that right to the point of how simple you made it. Would he actually be trying to hurt me right now? No. Okay. I'm over it.

Right.

How much of our life do we actually want to spend in those thoughts that are simply stories we're making up in our own head?

Oh, yeah, it's a distraction. That's what I call it. It's the ultimate distraction, right?

Oh, completely from your life purpose, from your happiness. And it's even crazier that sometimes. Do you ever notice that you're like choosing it like you're choosing pissed?

Yeah. And I think a lot of times we do it because it's easier to be in that realm than to do the uncomfortable. Right. You know how not feeling so good feels. You know that it will pass, but it's easier to do that than to take a leap. And you know, it's literally procrastination, mental procrastination, you know, from your destiny.

Oh my God, yes. What is that quote? It's like the devil then you. The devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't or something.

Exactly, exactly.

Over and over. Okay, so fear. We're going on to number two, which you had said of like your job finding out, like people finding out that you're doing something new or opinions around it. What does this one mean to you?

Oh, I love this one. Because a lot of times in the world of entrepreneurship, which is where I am a lot, especially in my space, people still work full time jobs and a lot of companies do not smile at you having a dream outside of their realm. Most managers and owners of companies are not out there looking for entrepreneurs to work for them because they feel like they're going to ditch them as soon as they get a moment. And people need stability. So a lot of times they hinder their brand and they downplay it by not sharing, by not publishing it on LinkedIn because they're afraid that their main source of income is gonna find out. And a lot of times are negative repercussions to it. You know, as soon as something happens, they'll say, oh, she's distracted because she has that brunch and sleigh thing going on, or whatever the case may be. And that might not necessarily be true. And I think that fear will automatically limit your imagination as to where your dream and your brand can go. And I think knowing that makes you put it in the word that I hate the most. The side hustle zone. I hate that word because no one wants to hustle. We want to build. We want to win. We do not want to hustle all of our life. Right. But I think that that's a huge one. Just fear of what your job will know. And then, of course, you have those close people to you, like family and friends, who know your history. They know every time you fail, they know every time that you borrowed money, Right? And if you come to them yet again with another great idea, they are going to immediately poo poo on those dreams. So those are major fears that are totally relevant in the journey.

So why do we have to do it anyway? So what do we focus on if we're like, yeah, but the repercussion.

I think we have to do it anyway, because when you leave here, we don't want to say what if? And I shoulda. Right? This journey is unique. And you don't know. None of us know how long it lasts. So do you really want to take a chance on not answering the call and have regret? Like, that's a disease in itself. That's a lot of heartache and heart disease just festering in cancer, just holding onto the doubt and then the jealousy that will come because someone else will have that same idea and make it work.

God. I mean, that's just. There's. Yeah, we're going to hold that quote. That's going to be great. Okay. That was so beautiful. I couldn't, like, I was just. Yeah, applauding over here.

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Fear of success like fear of failing or fear of success? I guess that can kind of be the same thing. Yeah, tell me that one.

I think a lot of times we have dreams and they feed us right? They keep us going on the journey. And a lot of times our dreams are limited so when we actually reach them, we don't know what to dream for next. It's like I don't even. I didn't expect this to come true. It was just something, a carrot I dangled in front of myself. And when you get there and it does happen and it's well received, a lot of people are stumped as to what to do. And then they lose a lot of brand identity. You see that a lot after two or three years of business. Right. Inkling of success, it's like, okay, what next? Or something big happens. And it's like, I never thought that in a million years. I don't even know how to react to it. And it's more comfortable to be working toward that dream because we're all comfortable with checklists and things to do. Right. We're not necessarily comfortable in turning the page and actually becoming the boss and becoming the person who is the provider for others. That is very scary. And it's a lot of responsibility. So it's just easier to be in the shadows to help someone else with their dream a lot of times because you can cheer for them.

And.

And a lot of times it's just the self doubt that we feel because we know ourselves, we know our history, we know who we wronged, we know all those things that we pray about to be forgiven or whatever the case may be. And we don't feel worthy. And it kind of goes back to self worth. But I think the fear of success is the ultimate sabotager. Right. Because we are all here to achieve our dreams, period.

Yeah. I think that you start to realize the responsibilities as you start to move forward. And a lot of times that's where I watch. I literally know. I know my methods. Thank God. So that's one of my. That's one of the ways that I actually stop from sabotaging myself is to notice when I'm like, is this really a fear or is this me searching for a way to sabotage myself because I'm really afraid of what's next or the responsibility? And it kind of always goes back to me going, yeah, but can I leave this planet and let it be okay that I did not do this thing? And I'm always like, oh crap, oh no, I have to do it.

Yeah, I agree. I mean, I think sometimes there's like, for me it's just like, it's a yearning feeling, like it keeps you up at night and it's all you want to talk about. Like, I literally have had friends say, okay, Amira, can we talk about something else? Like that's what's feeding you, right. And so the fear of burying that and not giving it the power that it needs, I'm okay with it not being the best thing since sliced bread. Right. I can deal with a little bit of rejection and a little bit of not, you know, a quote unquote failure. But the biggest failure would Be just not even trying, you know, so real.

Quick, coming back from failure, because some people can't. You know, for me, in order to get anywhere, I've had to accept that I could fail miserably. I could, you know, I go to worst case scenario and see if I could accept it and if I can come back from that. And who else has, you know, been there and done that and what did they do? Like, I need to assess every single angle. So for you, what do you do to come back from failure? Let's say you've had a miserable failure, which you're a human, so I'm sure that you feel that you have. How do you get yourself back in the game quicker so it doesn't take you out so long?

I'm a queen of setting time limits. Like, I know that's probably crazy. And every psychologist would tell you no. Like, even with crying, I have been in situations where I just needed a good cry. And I'm like, okay, the timer's set. You got 15 minutes. Like, you better get it out. Watch something like watch Beaches or Steel Magnolia, something to really get those tears going. And you boo hoo. And you shut it down and you give it its time, you acknowledge it. And then after you shut it down, you get yourself a glass of wine, dust your knees off, and you go back at it and you don't stop. And I do think a lot of times it's just looking at it and see, what could I have done differently?

I love that. I love that so much because I, I do that. I literally do the exact same thing. And I just realized, because I don't set a timer, but I say things like, I just did it last week. I was like, okay, you get another week. And then you're just jumping in. Because there is this point, right, Amira, where you go, you're like, now you could continue down that path and you really can. If we look at the history of our feelings of that week or that day, like, it will tell you, no.

You need more time.

And sometimes you do. But there are moments where I'm like, you know what? This has been a while. And now I'm starting to actually just get used to this, like, baseline of feeling miserable. And now I'm kind of like noticing I'm choosing it. So that's why I set deadlines. Because I think as humans, we get really. It's easy to get addicted again to the negative or to the, yeah, but I'm tired or I don't feel like it, or I'm not inspired. Oh, that was a big one for me last week. Just not inspired yet. And I was like, do you ever really feel inspired, Lauren? Like, you gotta jump in, right? Like, that's a. Do you think inspiration is like a myth for entrepreneurs?

No. Because I do think there are certain things I can do to kind of prime the wheel, you know, like connecting with nature. For me, a good day of exercising outside, a long walk really does inspire me. Listening to great books or good podcast of someone who inspires me, even sometimes looking at their Insta feed, you know, someone who is where I want to be, that can motivate me. And I made it, like, when I first started my business, this time around, I made it a point to only follow people who brought me joy and only follow people who I didn't like. There's no malice or envy or, you know, anything like that, because I wanted something that was gonna keep me going. And I try to surround myself around content like that, you know, and I think that that kind of helps me live in a bubble, which I know I desperately need. I can't allow negative things, even TV that I watch. I don't. I limit that stuff because I really have to stay in the zone. And that's what keeps me, you know, in my inspired mode most of the time or helps me get back to it quickly.

So good. Okay, I'm gonna do some really quick rapid fire. Let's see how fast you can answer them. Trust me, I'm a woman of many words, so if you can't do it quick, no worries. All right, so what has been true for you about relationships with females, friends?

Oh, come on. Compliment goes a long way.

Ooh, that is good. All right, what has been a rule that you have found to be a universal truth about business?

Ooh. Oh, that's a hard one. I think. You know, always try to help. I think that's my leading thing. If I help people, it always comes back to me. When it comes to business, as far as collaborating. Yeah. Always try to help.

So good. Yeah. Isn't that the truth? That is so universal? I agree with that one for sure.

Yes.

Here's my last one. Kate, what are you most excited about right now?

Oh, I'm excited about this new wave, this new dawn, whatever this is that we are sitting at home for. I don't know how to put it into words, but there has definitely been a shift in not only just being aware of our families and the people we love and relishing that time we have with them, like being Present. Oh, my gosh. It's changed a lot. And then socially consciousness, I think we're an awakening and I'm so grateful to be privy and have a front row seat for.

Oh, my God. Well, I am so grateful right now to have this conversation with you. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Where can we find you and follow you? This was amazing.

Oh, thank you so much for having me. Seriously, I am@brunchandslay.com and brunch and slay on all social media. So super simple. Brunch and slay.

Oh, my God, Amira, you're amazing. You guys, if you loved this podcast as much as I did, you always know that. I think the biggest gift that you can give to our awesome guest because she just love, like poured so much wisdom on you is to tag her. Amir, you have a Instagram handle.

Yeah, Brunton, slay. Okay.

At brunch and slay, tag herunchandslay and let her know what your biggest takeaway was from this podcast. You know we always love to see it.

You know, I share you and shout.

You out all of the fun things. So, Amira, thank you so much again. And you guys, until next time, earn your house happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to other itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.