565. Q+A: Getting out of a slump

There is pros and cons to everything. Like if you're looking at someone and saying, yeah, but their life is like this, they have an opposite challenge than you have that they're probably not showing you. And whether it looks like a fluffy challenge, it's still probably mentally and emotionally a very big challenge. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go, Evans. Welcome back to your show. Questionably awesome.

Good morning, Lori. Happy July.

Happy July. And we just went over the fact that I am using a mug from June, so I don't know, it's June Mountain, but. Oh, I like your mug today. You know what?

Mine says plant lady. Oh, mine says plant lady on it.

That plant lady mug is for plant lady. Plant killer ladies. Because why do you need live plants when you can have them on your mug?

Yep. If anyone knows how to keep plants alive, let me know.

Please email us at. We love plants, but we kill them@lorihardter.com. you're not gonna. That's not gonna be a successful email. That's gonna get a bounce back. Okay, where are you? Because this is apparently, this is the podcast where we travel across the US and share it with people. So where's the location right now? Or where is it going to end up this week?

My location is Santa Monica. Going to Indiana. The great Midwest.

So what's in Indiana?

Addams Family.

The Addams Family. Have you ever seen that Broadway musical?

No, but I've seen the movie.

The Addams Family. Broadway musical is one of my favorite musicals ever. Really? It's legitimately hilarious and it had. I can't even remember the actors, but they're like, you know, Tony award winning freaking epic actors and actresses. So, yeah, if you ever get the chance to see it, it's worth it and it's very fitting for Adam's family.

I also can't wait till we can go to musicals again.

Oh, my God. I was just like having this moment of. I was Watching somebody who had traveled, and I was like, I missed watching people travel. It was so much fun to be like, where are they going? What are they doing? How's their flight? Why do they order champagne like I do? Yeah.

What kind of coffee are they drinking? Are they a Bloody Mary person? I don't know.

Are you. Hey, what are you on a plane? How do I not know this?

Oh, normally I feel like I'm just a regular. I get a coffee, but if I'm drinking alcohol, probably like a wine, like a white wine. Like a suburban mom.

Oh, a little. When you said suburban mom, I didn't think of suburbia. I thought of a huge, like, 90s suburban. I was like, the women who drive suburbans drink white wine. Oh, suburbia. The burbs. Like a bird's mom. Okay, so how much wine on an airplane is acceptable? Do you feel like the rules fly out the window, literally?

I really do. I think it's. I think everything goes when you're on a plane. Just be careful, because when you land, it's going to be bad.

Oh, yeah. I've had those moments walking down the LAX hallway, like, to my Uber, and I'm like, oh, I'm probably going to annoy my Uber driver in a big way. Like, what do you think of this? And what's your stance on this life challenge? And how do you. I never. I'm. I'm super introverted, so I typically take the road of not really talking to someone. Like, I will be so polite, but I'll tend to, like more keep to myself. But if I've had a long plane ride and I, you know, I got in the juice, I literally will, like, be their best friend and be like, oh, my God, we have to do lunch sometime. And they're like, lady, no.

Like, no, I'm just dropping you off.

Yeah. Please stop talking. When your Uber driver begs you to stop talking, that's when you know, I've never had that, but that's the goal. So, Evans, tell me about what this podcast is.

Actually, I think we just summed it up in these first couple minutes. It's a lot of smarts. It's a lot of wisdom. It's a lot. It's kind of a make your own adventure.

Oh, I like that. I used to love those books.

Me, too.

Yeah. So if you want an interview or something super intellectual, keep listening.

This is it. This is definitely it.

So if your life was a choose your own adventure book right now, what would you be choosing?

Oh. Oh, man. I would choose to get rid of Corona and like, it. Have everything reopened. And I'd go, ooh, to. I'd have a big party.

What would the. Like, that's kind of like. I. I was not expecting that from you because you're a bit introverted too. But as we are really learning, we need people no matter what. So what would the party consist of? Like, if you could literally have all the money in the world right now, what type of party would you throw? Oh.

Oh, man. There would be ice fountains. There would be ice fountains. Is it an ice.

Oh, I know what an. We could take shots off the ice fountain. Like how it pours. Yeah, exactly. Like you pour the alcohol through the ice fountain and you just throw her back. Batten down the hatches.

Yeah. Would want ponies, puppies, all treated fairly.

And they would just love it.

Yes. Like, I would adopt them after. Like, I would adopt them and then let my friends see them.

We better be careful how many ponies we invite. Okay, sorry. I'll stay out of reality. Let's just stay in this land. Keep going.

I would just. I just miss everyone being able to be together and be relaxed, you know?

Totally. Yes.

Like a large group.

I know. I. I was. I can't remember whose feed I was looking at, but they, like, threw a big New Year's party and I was like, oh, weird. It's not going to be that way this year. Like, we probably won't be able to gather in New York. I bet people will. Distance. I don't think that. That. I don't think that the virus can live in New York. Winter. I'm just kidding you.

It can't live in there.

Yeah. I'm not really sure. So you're going to the Midwest and you're going to stay there for a little while.

Yep.

Tell me your thoughts on the Midwest from someone from the south who's also now lived on the West Coast.

Oh, I really like the Midwest. It's. It's very similar to the south, except the weather is colder in the winter. That's how I feel about it.

I totally agree. I think the people are a lot similar with different accents, and the topography is very much the same. The weather is not. It's not. And sometimes there's, like, alligators and much larger animals in the South.

Yes.

That's Reptilians also.

The Midwest is interesting in that every 24 hours you get like 16 different types of weather. Yes.

So it's funny because we were planning some things for the weekend, and I said to Chris, I'm like, God, it will be tough for me to move. And I don't know if I would ever move. Just not sure with the climate of California, not the actual climate, but just like, what do I. What do we want for our future? And I never look at the weather when I'm planning anything, but when we were back in the Midwest, we had to look at the weather every single day. Like, can we walk right now or will a tornado come? And that can actually be legitimately true. Like, you're like, that sky over there looks a little bit like a weird gray black. And those clouds are bubbly. So. And this is, like, so normal. I'm like, I better look at the weather so I don't get scooped up by the atmosphere, you know? And then the weekend, I mean, God forbid you look on a Monday and you see a sun globe, because by Wednesday it's going to be a thunderstorm. And then by Friday again, it's a mix. And Saturday you wake up and you got to look again.

So, yes, very confusing.

1 million percent. Everything that I just said is 1 million percent accurate. I don't know why they have weather people. It should just turn on the weather station and say, wtf? We don't know. Like, figure it out yourself. Go look at the clouds outside.

Yeah, because you don't know. Which makes me think, this is why Midwesterners are such good people. Because everything is just so up and down that they're like, we got this.

Yeah. They're kind of just like, you know what? We have eaten crap sandwiches our whole life. So when we get handed something great or we have each other, like, we're happy about it. Yeah. That's why when I first moved to California and people were like, crappy, I was like, did you check your weather?

Yeah. Have you been outside? Because it's perfect every single day of the year.

You gotta be a real a hole to be crabby in this sunshine, you know, that's how you know to avoid. I'm like, hey, how's your day? And if they're like, I'm like, not for me.

Getting away from that energy.

Hey, do you have a quote?

I do.

I want to hear it.

Okay, I'm going to read it to you.

Okay.

It's from Anne Lamott again, because I really like her. And she says, faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there. Oh, that was kind of sad, but.

You know what I mean. No, it's not. That's called real life. Like, I think that is so huge. Right now for everyone. And it just. I'm. I'm getting so. I think the only way, you know, obviously with Chris's dad passing and Waffles passing and just like so many things happening in the world right now, we're grieving. Whether you're grieving a person or a way of life, we're all grieving right now. And I think that the only way to get through grieving, losing something or a change of how, of life, lifestyle, beliefs, whatever that is, even if you're changing them for something better, you're still getting over something or through something or being uncomfortable with something. And the only way through is to get comfortable with that uncomfortableness. And if you are in resistance of it, you're not gonna get through. Like, it just takes the process so much longer. So I freaking love that quote. And faith is the only thing like, that will get you through anything. The belief that there's something better and there's something bigger helping you with your problem. Something bigger than your problems. So that's been really, really big for us. Like Chris and I, every night I'm like, God's bigger than this problem, so let's give it to him her. Whatever you believe.

Exactly.

So good. So how does that quote relate for you right now?

I think just with a lot of things in our lives are kind of. We're not sure. Like, a lot of people just. We don't know which direction we're going in and where. You know, I think everyone in the world right now is thinking that. And so a lot of times I can get really worked up about it and be like, well, we don't have a plan. Where are we gonna be? This is terrible. Everything's awful.

Could you please turn on your camera for me once and record what worked up Evans looks like? I think I would really love that.

It's very bad. It's a meltdown.

Oh, I love those. Don't you love a good meltdown?

Yeah, I like to, like, fling myself on the bed face first.

Oh, very familiar. But I like that you chose the bed and not the floor.

Sometimes I do the floor.

I think the bed is the coward's way out during a meltdown. Just so you know.

It totally is.

It's so dramatic, yet it's actually kind of fun and you bounce back. You're just like, that was dramatic.

And do you ever do a meltdown in there so someone, your. Your hope is like, Chris will come after you or something?

Isn't that the only reason you do a meltdown? Meltdown but dramatic meltdowns by yourself. You have no audience. Like, I'm not going to, like, I'll cry by myself. Okay. I've had dramatic meltdowns by myself, but they don't last very long. They're like pretty short because you're like.

Not as good when anyone knows around to see.

Really exhausting when I can't bring someone else in on this pain. I mean, you have a meltdown so that you can throw the pain on somebody else, right? Yeah.

You want someone else to deal with it.

Yeah.

And it's like I'm blaming you now for this meltdown. That's what you're subconsciously saying.

It's the right thing to do.

It's the right thing to do. Make sure you melt down only with people around and offer them a piece of it.

I think we've given a lot of wisdom so far. People are really going to be helped so far.

Their life is going to change. Their loved ones are going to leave quickly. If you are sick of your roommates, this is a quick way as well. Can't tell you who's going to foot the bill, but there you go.

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Good luck.

All right, so my quote. I'm cutting you off right there because I think that we just talk a lot. So here we go. Actually, I talk a lot. I think I pretty much just. We're just gonna stop. Ready for my quote? Yeah. Yep. It's by Saniya Roman. And it is. What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are supposed to do.

Oh.

So, Evans, you love writing or you love paper quotes? Animals? Yep.

Ponies.

Ponies.

People.

People.

Well, that was my sock on the chair. It wasn't.

Sounded like a fart. How many times have you tuned on this podcast? Is my question.

Probably 26 to 30 just on this one alone.

All right, so I used to hate the word toot, and now I think it's really funny.

I love the word too. Okay, we're getting off track. Do you want to review?

We are. I thought we were right on track for this podcast.

Corey, we're getting off track.

Okay. What's the review? Let's stay focused. Let's give the people what they want.

They definitely want to be on track. Oh, my gosh. Okay. This is from Nikki McMillan.

Nikki McMillan. That's a great name, Nikki McMillan.

She says, I absolutely love listening to these podcasts when I work out. Sometimes they make me laugh too much and I lose proper posture. But omg. Love listening to you both and truly all of your episodes. Xoxo.

Oh, I love that. Maybe proper posture and, like, control of her sphincter.

Why?

Why? Why? Just kidding. Nikki McMillan. You're fine. You're doing a great job in the gym. If I listen to this podcast at the gym, it would be another story. It'd be complete control of or complete loss of control over my, like, limbs, I think.

Yeah, you wouldn't be able to do any dumbbell work.

No, that'd be too tough. Nikki, we're going to send you something really, really cool if you send a email to. What? Where do I send? Oh, yeah, Customer service@lori harder.com. and we'll send you something awesome. Thank you so much for that. I love the reviews. Like, they literally make my day.

It was really nice to read them.

I'm obsessed. Do we have a question?

Oh, yeah. And they're about growth and hope.

Oh, let's do it. I'm obsessed. I think we did some of these last week, and I love them because I think this is a very important topic right now.

Me, too. Okay. This is from JuniorAKTREMPE. Okay.

Wow.

I really messed up this person's handle.

You know what?

J Rack Tempe.

They might like the difference of annunciation.

So they're gonna kill me. I'm really sorry. Okay. How do you pull yourself out of a pity party?

I love those. You go. You start.

I love pity parties. I'm really good at them. Really good at telling them. Really good host.

Hey. I'm hosting a pity party later this afternoon after my workout, maybe before my workout. And the party might extend through the workout. Not actually happen. Yeah. Anyone want to join?

All are welcome.

Yeah. Super fun. Yeah. What are you gonna bring? What do you bring to your pity parties, Evans?

Oh, despair, Darkness. Just weeping. Everything. Nothing's working out. Nothing. Just that really bad tone. Do you ever use that tone?

Of course I use that tone. It's my. I'm. My other tone. Makes me bilingual. It's like what I do. Yes. Bananas just ran in with one of my boots. So we'll see how long the furry boot lasts.

Uh.

Oh, yeah. Okay. So how do you get out of your pity parties?

I think you gotta start small with your. Because sometimes you'll have. You'll just be so deep in the party. I think counting your blessings is always a good One. And also, don't you just get tired of those? Because nothing good comes from a pity party.

Yeah, honestly, I think that's the point that you have to reach, is having a conversation with yourself. That's like, for me, how it worked was, this is not working for you. Is this really what you're choosing? And then also, Grace, like, you can't just start beating yourself up, but you have to have the real conversation and then switch it. So it's like, is this really what you're choosing? This is not what you want for yourself. Like, you deserve better. The people you love deserve better. If you want to keep these great things in your life, you gotta first give yourself what you need. And I start small, too. Like, okay, is. What is the environment that's keeping you in this pity party? Like, you have the opportunity at any minute, if you are having a pity party in your house, to leave your house. Sometimes even that could look like going in your backyard or going for a walk around the block or calling somebody who's not. Who wasn't invited to your pity party, who's having a, you know, great time somewhere else, listening to a podcast of somebody who's in a totally different energy. That's super helpful. Putting on a good song and jumping around, you guys.

It.

It. It's not like it. It's not challenging, but it is. I mean, it's not hard, but it is challenging. Like, it's very simple, but doing it feels stupid. Sometimes you're like, is this really gonna work? And on half of your walk, you might just be in this crap mood, and then all of a sudden, it starts shifting because your. I think your body needs to move to get out of a pity party.

Oh, I like that. And I like how you're saying, like, change the scene.

Yeah, change the scene. Because you gotta leave the party in order to get out of it. And it's like, acknowledge that it's okay to have that and be like, why am I having this? Like, why am I choosing this? But don't sit in that question too long. If you don't find a positive, empowering answer, you don't need the answer. But sometimes if you ask it enough, you can figure out, oh, I'm choosing this because I'm actually afraid of what it could look like to try to have a happy life, or I'm not sure if I'm worthy of that, or maybe I've never seen this modeled to me from my parents. Then you can kind of explore that and how you can do some work around that. And if you're finding you're having pity parties every day, you might need some out. Not you might. You need some outside support. So whether that looks like, you know, talking to a therapist or a friend or reading, making sure that you do read books and podcasts. You guys, I have a great sponsor on my podcast right now. That's Talk Space, which is actually a online therapist that you can text at any time. I am freaking obsessed with it. You can just have that, like, interaction of acknowledging how you feel and having somebody say it back. So. Yeah, or say, you know, just talk back and support around it. So I think that's huge. Do we have another queue?

Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay. This is from your capacity.

Ooh, Live youe Capacity. What a great name.

That's a really cool handle.

Her mom was so cool to name her that.

Yeah. Really cool parents you have.

That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to name my kids, like, affirmations so that I don't forget.

That's a good idea.

Yeah. One is going to be like, don't eat the chocolate and drink every night. And the other one will be live to your fullest potential or you're going to die with regret.

And they're very simple names.

Super simple. So. And they'll have no sort of problems later on.

They'll be fine.

Okay.

Okay. Live youe Capacity wants to know. Oh, I really love this question. Ideas on strengthening your faith muscle when times are low.

Oh, girl. So good. Ideas on strengthening your faith muscle when times are low. I actually believe that when times are low is when we get to strengthen our faith muscle. So I don't think we're strengthening them in good times like you're strengthening them when things get heavy. You don't go to the gym and you're like, you know what? I'm gonna use these little two pounders again, and I'm gonna get so strong and I'm gonna change my body and I'm gonna change my life, and I'm gonna notice that my strength is through the roof. Like, no, not even close. You got to go over to the big daddies and you got to lift those heavy weights and you're pissed about it. Usually you're like, this is heavy. But if you don't do the reps during the heavy times and the hard times, like you. You actually don't grow. So if, you know, if. If we're in the heavy times and we're trying to resist it, it's because we are Literally running from growth. So I always think, like, when I get really tough feedback or I get a no, or people are mean to me or I'm feeling bullied, or I don't like what someone's saying, I'm like, oh, this is your gift. Like, this is the gym. This is your life gym. This is the opportunity. So the tough times are the opportunity to strengthen your faith and offer, like, surrender. Because the last thing we want to do is surrender during these times. It's like, we usually want to resist or run or push against. And it's kind of like, hey, offering this up. I need some guidance. I need some help. Like, calling in all help. Friends, God, angels, whatever you believe. Like, call in all help, ask for help, offer it up, lean in and say, oh, this is the opportunity for my edge, for growth, to get comfortable with what's not comfortable. The person who will win at life, meaning, I don't care what it is, happiness, success, their business. They're the people who are going to get the. They're going to face off with themselves and they're going to be the most comfortable with pain, with resistance, with acceptance of everything. Like, I can't tell you how this, just 2020 and everything that's gone down has made Chris and I so much better and stronger. And our perspective has shifted. While we could have resisted everything and been like, why? Why is this happening? Why was this person taken too soon? Why is this? That doesn't get us anywhere. And that certainly doesn't strengthen our faith and connection to our creator whatsoever. And there is beauty on the other side of all the. All of those traumatic things because you learn what's important. You learn to be more present, to connect deeper, that there's something better. You have to find a faith and belief that there is something better. You know, life is interesting. If we hold this. If we hold a belief that life is, like, meant to be all rainbows and puppy dogs, like, it's not going to be easy for you. It is not going to be easy. And if you think that someone got handed something, you know, on a silver platter, there is pros and cons to everything. Like, if you're looking at someone and saying, yeah, but their life is like this, they have an opposite challenge than you have that they're probably not showing you. And whether it looks like a fluffy challenge, it's still probably mentally and emotionally a very big challenge. So I don't think, like, everything has an opposing feeling and belief that comes with it, no matter what it is.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you.

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I love that. Do you follow Amanda Kloots on Instagram?

I don't, but I probably should. Huh.

Wait, I think that's how you pronounce her last name.

Her.

You know, she. Her husband just passed from COVID related things. He was a Broadway.

Have you heard about that story?

Okay, this woman, she. I think she has a fitness company too. Like a jump roping workout thing that looks really cool. But her Instagram is one of the most incredible things I've ever followed. Like her journey just having just. She has a one year old son and she's just lost her husband and they moved to LA and so many things but she has just. She shares very openly with what she's going through and I think she's like the perfect example of someone who continues to have faith in spite of everything. Just the way she like gets everyone on her Instagram to rally and like right now she's doing this like 10 days of positive things you've got to follow and it's just like oh cool, my cup of coffee was really good today. That's a win.

Yes.

Just those little things that you can. I feel like faith sometimes is like a little, teeny little spot sometimes, but it can get bigger. Yeah.

Faith starts as a freckle, for sure. Like, sometimes you just got to be, like, one good thing. Like, I'll be on walks and be like, chris, I got to say my gratitudes. Like, he's like, okay, what's one good thing? And sometimes it'll take me, like, a full minute just to say something, and I'm like, there's so many good things. I just have to, like, give myself a moment and dig. And then it starts. Right. One tiny thing at a time. Even if it is like, your coffee. I'm breathing, I have shoes. I. And then you move into all of the obvious, like, wow, my life is still really good. Not to mention. Or not to say that it's not important to acknowledge when things are really hard. That's so important. But then how long do you want to stay there? Like, how long do you want to live in that place? So it's figuring that out and giving yourself that space to process. So, Evans, any last words of advice? Coming up, Bubbling to the surface.

I don't know right now. Oh, I wrote something before this podcast. I was thinking about, like, the acorn thing.

Yes.

And how faith is a little acorn. And then I wrote, like, energy attracts energy. Wow, that sounds so.

Brilliant to me, because you're. The exact energy you're in attracts the energy or the energy you're holding or want to hold.

Yes, exactly. And that's kind of one thing. That's. If you're having a bad day or something, maybe find something, even if it's on your Instagram. Find someone who you. Whose energy you like. Like, you could go to Lori's account and be like, okay, she's being really funny and open and silly, and that makes me feel better. And then just your acorn grows a little bit more and a little bit more.

It's so true. I will tell you. Shifting just what I'm thinking, who I'm following right now, what type of news I'm looking at to stay updated. I feel like a different person, totally different person. Because whatever you're going through, there is a more easily or more accessible higher road way of handling it than, like, feeling awful and disempowered through the whole thing. So there's a very powerful stance that we can choose instead of, like, a, you know, lower vibe, less powerful, now I'm sounding crazy stance. There's another set of choices. That is a more powerful set if you're not feeling hopeful or powerful or empowered whatsoever. So you kind of have to start saying, like, okay, who's going through this, too? But is making it look a little bit easier or a little more fun? Because, guys, if you died next week or tomorrow, what would be your biggest regret? Would you be like, wow, I really stressed about shit that wasn't actually in my. My right now reality? Yep. Like, we're stressing about things while we're sitting on a plush couch watching Netflix. Like, we're doing it to ourself. Like, while you're sitting somewhere probably pretty decent, looking at your phone, like, stressing. And like there's. It's not around you. Like, actually look up. Look up and form a connection with your creator with whatever you are feeling. And I'm telling you, there is a better way. There are answers waiting just for you with your name all over them on exactly what you're supposed to be doing and why you're here. And it's up to you to choose to lean in and believe that. So that's what I'm choosing.

All right.

You know, I don't know, Evans. We just. There's something about our collective that just makes me super happy.

That was a great ending. I loved it.

Well, you make my whole day. Sometimes my whole mind, sometimes an extended period of time.

Wow.

Sometimes you are ruminating in my soul for months. And I'm like, this is from Evans.

Hope it's not diarrhea. That's probably.

Sometimes it is. And I'm like, this is Evans. But either way, nothing feels better than just a good cleanse, you know?

Yep. Let it out.

So thanks for cleansing my soul today. I feel like a new woman. You just. I. I feel drenched with love and humor. So you know what? Chris wanted me to tell you guys that he misses you. And, Adam, my sentiments are exactly the same. I need to see this new puppy. Our puppies need to play together when you're back, because Bananas, just make sure your Puppy's, like, over 20 pounds. Because Bananas thinks he. He's like a bull in a china shop.

So he's just living life. Yeah, he's really excited.

Exactly.

Okay.

All right, so, you guys, if you loved this episode, make sure you let us know what kind of wisdom you had soaked in from Evans and I, where you were while you were soaking it in, and all of the things above. So if you would like to reave a review, rat would be amazing. Bananas runs to know where if you want to reave. Thank you so much. Until next time, be questionably awesome. Bye Evans.

Bye Lori.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the Earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever, ever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye Sa.