566. How to renegotiate what doesn't work for you

So I know you found this podcast because you are all about happiness and up leveling and just wanting to feel better. And right now is a really challenging time for just about everybody that I know. And a lot of you may need more than the podcast. Some of us don't have actual support or people that we feel like we can talk to. And that's why I was so excited to partner with Talkspace. Let me tell you why, because I think this is one of the most important services that could ever be offered. And let me tell you, change is constant right now and a lot of us are struggling with this new normal and the future is unknown. And if you've been struggling with the so called new normal, it's not just you. Stress and anxiety do not have to rule your life. And if there's anything that helps reduce stress and anxiety, you guys know that I am obsessed with talking it out. That's literally what this podcast is. But you don't always get that two way talking from a podcast. So that is vital, being able to talk to somebody. I'm all about connection, creating tribe, creating friendships. And this one is so important because I think it's the first step of really moving through what you're working through. And if you don't have a tribe or friends or someone who can support you, you guys, there is no shame in this. In fact, I think it's freaking amazing. Talkspace has thousands of licensed therapists trained in over 40 specialties, including anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and more. If you have something specific you want to work on right now, they're definitely going to be able to find somebody for you. It's affordable. One month on Talkspace costs about the same amount as a single in person therapy session. But with Talkspace, you can actually send unlimited messages to your therapist and they'll engage with you at least five days a week. That means you never have to wait to share what's on your mind. Do you even know the power of that, of getting answers for all of these different feelings that we're feeling right now? So Talkspace is secure, it's private, and it has the latest encryption technology to store client information. So here you go. The bottom line, we have to talk to people. It's the only way I've ever gotten through anything, is by being able to talk out everything that is coming up for me and challenging me. So. So Talkspace wants to give more than support. They want to give support at an affordable price. So as a listener of this podcast, I mean, I literally couldn't Think of a better partner. You can get $100 off of your first month on Talkspace to match with your perfect therapist. Go to talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code Lori L O R I to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. You guys go to talkspace.com and enter the code Lori. If you're waiting to talk to somebody, you don't have to wait anymore. Please go and do this for yourself. You're going to be amazed at how much it helps. So if you're not feeling tuned and tapped in and connected, it's probably because you are holding onto some of these relationships that need to be renegotiated or let go of. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show and it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration and I love seeing who I'm talking to. Thank you guys for all of the stories. I am obsessed with you. It's so much fun to watch you sometimes when you sing along with the intro, which is hilarious. Something that is huge for me for right now in this time of my life is I'm going to ask you guys a favor to go to Drink Light Pink and check it out because I will be launching that alcohol brand which is founded by females in support of female founders and this beverage is for everyone. We just so happen to give back with every single sip that you take to female founders who I'm all about. So you guys go check it out at Drink Light Pink. There's also some opportunities if you want to be a partner or investor in the future. So definitely keep your eyes open there. Go to lightpink.com to send us your email so you can be the first to try it. I can't wait. I literally cannot wait. I'm so excited because it is the best thing I have ever drank in My life. I am not just saying that. That's what I set out to do. And I took a lot of extra time to make that. That's exactly what we formulated with something light and something that is freaking delicious for those days that you don't want a heavy cocktail or wine, when you're just like, you know, I'd like to drink something that doesn't sit so heavy and that I don't have to feel like crap the next day. So there you go. So today I want to talk about renegotiating the terms of your life. A lot of times when we talk about renegotiating the terms of our life, it is because we have negotiate, we have negotiated without realizing that. We've negotiated in our relationships, in our work life, with our bosses, with our spouses, with our friends, with our beliefs. So what I want you to do is to take a little time to sit down. I know a lot of you are running or driving or, you know, whatever that looks like, cleaning your house, doing chores, working, whatever. And I want you to take time on this one. This is a biggie. And if you're not going to sit down, I want you to just grab your phone and take out the notes when you can, when you're not driving or running, and take a minute to look at your life and say, where do I need renegotiating? So how can you tell where you need renegotiating? Well, I always think that the quickest way to tell where you need renegotiation is where are you either in resistance or resenting? So those are two great words, right? Oh, my gosh, we're doing ours. I didn't even realize it. So renegotiate where there is resentment and resistance. So sometimes resistance is a great thing, but other times, sometimes you're resistant because it is just not in alignment with where you are being called. And I actually think this is a whole topic for a different podcast. But sometimes people are resistant or fearful or something doesn't feel right because that's exactly where you need to go. We need to talk about the differences there in a. In just a second. But I would say that sometimes resistance around what we don't want to do is there because we're afraid. So that you need to sit with that and figure out what that looks like. But sometimes resistance, resistance is there because it's just not in alignment. Like, it's not going to further where you're going. So I think how you can tell is, if I face this, what would my outcome be? If I face this in a very positive way, what would my outcome be? That's a really great way to show if you are just afraid or if it's something that you're like, yeah, I don't literally do not want this outcome. So resentment is really huge. Like, are you resenting the work that you do? Are you resenting the relationship that you're in? Are you resentful of the actions that are being taken by somebody else or how you feel in something? And this is where a renegotiation needs to come in. Now, I said renegotiation. I didn't say this is where you need to just catch it on fire and say, f you, I'm out of here. Renegotiation. So at one point, you agreed to the contract that you are in, meaning you agreed to the relationship that you are in with your best friend. Even if you don't like how she's treating you right now or he's treating you, you are in a. You agreed to a contract with your spouse. Whether or not you like how they're treating you right now, the fact that you are putting up with whatever it is or tolerating it means that you have complied to a contract. And on their end, the fact, the simple fact that you are tolerating, whether this is a boss or a partner, spouse, best friend says to them that you have agreed to the contract that they are putting out, meaning, AKA contractual, contractual actions and how you both show up. So until we actually, actually put words to it and decide what it is that needs renegotiation and bring this conversation and renegotiation to the table, you will continue to say yes to the things that you are tolerating. So I got a box in the mail last week, and I was literally jumping up and down. Gonna tell you why you can jump up and down too, because I got my first box from Green Chef. What is Green Chef? It is a USDA certified organic company that makes eating well, easy and affordable. And you guys, it has a plan to literally fit every diet. I don't really follow anything. I just want my food as clean and healthy as possible. And I'll tell you that meal plans include Paleo plant powered keto and balanced living. You guys, in my box, I got some of the coolest recipes which I'm going to tell you about in just one second. But Green Chef lets you choose from a wide variety of easy to follow lifestyles with select organic ingredients. These recipes are super quick. They're step by step. They have instructions, they have pictures, Chef tips, and it helps guide you along so that you can literally just throw this together so easily. You guys, Green Chef has a wide variety of clean ingredients. You can feel great about what you're eating and how it goes on your table. Because Green Chef is the most sustainable meal kit, it's offsetting 100% of its direct carbon emissions in plastic packaging in every box. So you can feel super good about that. Here's the recipes I got in the mail. Are you ready? Are you hungry? Because you will be. Lemon Herb Pork tenderloins, Lemon Maple Glazed trout and meatloaves with sauteed mushrooms. I'm just gonna read you the Lem Maple Glazed Trout, because I'm going to make this tonight. A homemade glaze adds tart, sweet flavor to this breezy seafood dinner. Perfect for outdoors. Made with maple syrup and a squeeze of lemon juice, the glaze is dribbled over. Dribbled over. Tender, flaky steelhead trout fillets sauteed with cauliflower and red bell peppers, spiced with dried orange peel. Sweet and smoky paprika. Making a hearty side, you guys, I'm all about having a great fish and vegetables. It's pretty much what I eat every single night. A really clean protein with veggies. So if you want to stop chopping and thinking, I'm telling you, this is for you. And you guys know that if you are listening to this podcast, I want to reward you for being so loyal. You can use code Happy80, that's H, A P P Y80 to get $80 off of your first month, plus free shipping on your first box. So go to greenchef.com forward/happy80 to redeem. And for more details, you guys, that is use code Happy80 to get $80 off your first month, plus free shipping ON your first box. So go to Greenchef.com forward/happy 80 to redeem your coupon. I hope you try it. I want to hear all about it.

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So something that is this is going to be one of the most challenging things you do in your life and the most liberating. So this is not for people who want to don't want to change their lives. This is for people who are warriors in their life and want to show up at the end of their life and say, God, I just ran that thing to the wheels fall off. And I ran it exactly the way that I had my con, my soul contract with God, universe, whatever you believe, I want to make sure I fulfill my soul contract with God and why I'm on this planet. And the only way to do that is to renegotiate the contracts that I've said yes to to humans that don't actually align with my purpose of why I am here. So write down the top one. What I want you to do is write down the one that if you renegotiated, would actually create the most freedom and space and mental capac for you to start moving forward on your goal, your life, your soul contract with why you're here. And that's the one that you're going to need to start focusing on. So if that feels too big, if you have not taken a few brave steps yet in your life, which you will start with the one that's the lowest hanging fruit. We always say lowest hanging fruit because that's the one that is the easiest, that can give you a little bit of courage to say, okay, I did that. It was hard, but it wasn't as hard as this other biggie that could completely rock my world and change my life. But it was one that gave me enough proof to say, you did this once, let's do it again. Let's start with something or let's do something next that's a little bit more tough. So where are. Where do you have resentment that you need renegotiation and you need a plan for renegotiation? You don't go in and renegotiate your home or you don't renegotiate, you know, something with your finances without first having a plan, like, ah, you tell me how you want to renegotiate. No, renegotiation means you have a set plan of what you believe would work out great for you and them. Renegotiation does not just mean, hey, this is all about me. It's not narcissism. Right? It is all about how could this be a win win for both of us. And if it can't be, then maybe we need to completely renegotiate and see if this is a contract that is actually already fulfilled by what we have done and created, or whether it's something that needs to move forward. And you guys, sometimes it's not super fun to renegotiate because what happens is you realize in some relationships that you're actually not going to renew your lease, you're not going to renew your contract. Because it has been fulfilled. You guys played the role in each other's lives that you were meant to play. And a lot of times when we. Not a lot. When we keep a contract past its expiration date, what it does is it absolutely turns foul, right? It turns toxic. That's where I believe, in my personal opinion, when people say a toxic relationship, I don't believe it's a toxic relationship. Person, I think you have kept somebody in your life who has already completed their contract with it with you, and you weren't meant to keep them on your journey, but you were too afraid to renegotiate the contract and learn the lesson from it and let them go or have them let you go. And that's when it turns toxic. So where do you need to renegotiate? What does that conversation look like? If you don't have a plan for it, it's not going to work. And guess what? You're not just gonna have one conversation. Some will require one, but most will require many. But how you live a good life, if you want to know the secret to pretty much how I feel essentially free in my life right now, at all times, peaceful, free, I can sleep, I get amazing downloads because I'm not stuck on incredibly challenging problems or relationships in my life because I don't have room for them. When you are moving towards your purpose, when you're creating a life you love, when you're creating a business that you love, and when you're in your purpose, you don't have room for all these little things that block every blessing and every download and every thought and every creative thought that you have. So if you're not feeling tuned and tapped in and connected, it's probably because you are holding on to some of these relationships that need to be renegotiated or let go of. So write it down. Know that you're going to have to do this warrior level work. You're going to have to face your stuff. You have to face your stuff or it's never going to happen. And it's the hardest thing ever. But you guys, if you're looking at someone else's life like, oh, they're so lucky. It's not that they're so lucky, it is that they are facing their stuff and they're doing this work. There's no secret. It's not a secret. They are doing this work. They're just not posting it or putting it out everywhere. So I want to know what's something you need to renegotiate? What's something that you gained from this podcast. I would love, love, love to hear it. You guys, do me a favor, go over to at Drink Light Pink and go follow. Go to lightpink.com and if you want to be the first to taste, try or be a partner or own or whatever that looks like. Also, if you know anybody who would be interested in this or interested in investing, have any PR connections whatsoever who would love to plug and talk about this product. Guys, I'm all about it. I'm all about asking. Because I'm telling you, we won't be able to do this alone. You can't do your vision alone. Make sure that you ask. Make sure that you put it out there. Don't be too proud. Don't let ego be your biggest overhead. Oh my God. Let's go. I am super fired up. I'm obsessed with you. I love you. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye Bye.