569. Q+A: Focus on what you want to feel

So honestly, you're aiming at number one, being like the right thing. And a lot of times we have no concept of what that is. But doing the wrong thing clarifies what's not the right thing, which is huge anyway. But doing nothing is gonna arrive you at an early grave with regret.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast.

I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss.

Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness.

Expert and cover model, turned self love.

Junkie, lifestyle entreprene and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you.

Bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. And Evans Cradock, welcome back to your show questionably awesome, where we co host together all about nothing, but for real nothing. We try to drop some wisdom on you. Once in a while, we exceed in offering that value. Every once in a while. We totally miss that target.

A lot of misses, but it's kind.

Of like life.

You know what?

But we come back each week and we keep trying.

Exactly. We really persevere.

Perseverance is the key to life. So that's what we found with this podcast as well. We figure that by default people will just end up landing on it. And even if the good thing is, I think itunes, like, kind of counts that as a view, so that's what.

Oh, well, it's a win, win.

Even if they're like, shit, what the hell am I listening to? Haha. Got your view.

Yep, nailed it. Thanks.

ITunes got you good. Don't leave a review. Okay? All right, so welcome back to another edition of questionably awesome where we're going to answer your questions. And today we're actually doing the questions again because we found these to be so good on hope and growth. And we found that this is just a huge. These are the two big themes coming out of right now. You know what I mean? So you are now in Indiana.

Indiana.

Great state.

Great people love it all around.

All around everything. You know, I love that you are a Southern belle traveling through the Midwest and you are also a California girl as of the last like four or five years.

We're vagabonds. We don't know where we live right now.

Isn't it so great to take, like your southern roots and plant them elsewhere and see, like, how fruitful your life can be because you're taking different perspectives into different places.

See, Laurie, this is why you do what you do. Because you plant the beautiful seed of life. And now it's like, you know what? It is pretty great.

Yeah. You know what they call that? Talking in circles. But thank you for that. That made it sound much more like I had a lot more wisdom than I do. With that said, tell me a little bit about this update of this week. Since last week, what's different? What have you had a moment of just like earth shattering, like, wisdom that's come through?

I just keep coming back to change is the only constant thing lately.

Oh, that. You know, if we can just grasp that in life, like, you will not be in resistance. You won't stay stuck in pain, you won't stay stuck in anxiety. You won't get pissed when your email notification was still on. Sorry about that.

Oh, I didn't even hear it.

Change is the only consistent thing. And I think that, like, letting go of the expectations of what you thought, because I get. Hey, question. Did you think that your year would be like this right now?

Heck, no. Did you? No.

Did you think that your life would be what it's like right now?

Absolutely not.

Okay, but did you?

No.

But there are parts.

Yes.

But there are definite parts. No.

It'S. That's how you have to answer it. No, no.

God.

What.

What are you talking about? So, yeah. Do you have a. Oh, yeah. Wisdom. Did you. Did you gain any wisdom from this past week besides that? So there's no. Like, when you say that, that's obviously coming from someplace. So where is that coming from?

I think it's coming from not being rooted anywhere right now. And just try and. I love a routine. I love me a routine.

Yeah, me too.

Probably too much. And it's. I just kind of have to. You can do. You can still achieve routine a little bit in your daily practices, wherever you are. And it's kind of adjusting to that and just trying to like how you shifted the perspective earlier of like, okay, this is a weird time where I'm living in different places, but it's also a question. Cool time to go get to know these places and spend time with these people. And someday I hope to have kids and it might be a little trickier with kids involved and I don't know, maybe we'll live in a bus with eight children. I don't know. You know, I don't Know.

You know what? Have you ever heard of covered wagon life? I mean, you can do it.

Yeah. At this point could happen. You know, 2020 was weird. I'm not going to rule it out.

You know, whenever I start feeling bad and I'm like, no, I'd be too overwhelmed if I had to like, uproot my life or whatever, I think of the people in covered wagons and I'll tell you, I've been thinking of them is because I have been to a lot of KOA campgrounds lately. And you can actually stay in a real life covered wagon.

Can you really?

Oh, yeah. It's amazing. So you can stay in a covered wagon. They had teepees you could choose from. You could stay in those. Yeah. So you pick your own adventure. I think that I would choose covered wagon because it does make me think about, like, what if I had to tote a lot of children and things like that? Like, am I up for that challenge?

Right. And all your belongings, your trunks of things, of your petticoats trunks.

Like, guys, that's really heavy for your horses.

Wait, you and Chris are just loving your rv?

Loving it. I thought I was going to hate it because just like you said, I am so rooted and so ritualistic. But I will say I also noticed that sometimes I can hit this place at like 3 or 4 o' clock where I'm not really tired. I'm almost just like. Like I need something different. Like I'm agitated and I'm. I am tired, but it's not the kind of tired that I can tell is. Is coming from. I didn't get enough sleep. It's the kind of tired that's coming from. Maybe I'm not switching up my routine enough. And it's. It was, it's. It was. I would not have gotten that perspective or that wisdom if it wasn't for me getting out on the road more. Cause I notice I'm not tired in the middle of the afternoon while we're traveling and setting things up or taking all these different, different calls in different places. Sometimes it just comes from, I think, not switching up your energy. So if you guys have the opportunity to ever do that, I think that's going to be huge for you.

Agreed. It is amazing just going to a different little place, even if it's in your backyard.

I will say koas don't require an RV or a tent because you can just go book this cabin or this covered wagon.

I want to check out the covered wagon.

You know what? Can I please see pictures of you and Adam sitting outside. It's. They're huge. It's a huge wagon with a huge covered tarp over it. It's very cute.

I really am curious. I'm gonna look this up after.

Yeah, I was. It's. It was in Flagstaff, Arizona, at the koa, which, by the way, Flagstaff was so cool. I thought it was gonna be like a desert. It was like, the most beautiful forest country I've ever seen.

That's awesome.

Forest, mountains, all these places you're seeing. Exactly. It's freaking awesome. Do you have a quote?

America is really cool. I do have a quote.

America is cool. It's literally every type of, like, topography. It's amazing.

It's amazing.

Give me that quote, unquote, girl.

This quote, unquote is from the book the Alchemist, and it is love that book. One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.

That gives me so much permission to be a d bag to people, you know?

That's why I chose it. Listen, like, you're loved no matter what.

Look, I. I'm not the best person to be friends with because I'm so fiercely independent that I'm like, why would I have texted you every week? Like, I'm fine. You're fine. I. I watch all of your stories. We're good.

I'm up to date.

Yeah, I'm totally up to date. We'll spend some QT quality time together when we can. So relax. Yeah, that's not necessarily the definition of somebody like a good friend. So I do things like this. Like, I make sure we have podcasts to catch up so I can stay in your life. Or I make sure I have a. A weekly phone call or every two week phone call. Or I'm just not a good friend all around, so I have to put those things into place or I would be friendly ass.

I know. I like that too. I'm. Oh, same. Like, I'm not good with high maintenance stuff. Like, I get a little tired.

Yeah, samesies. That's why this is 20 or 30 minutes, right? We're like, hey, this was awesome, and bye. I'll see you next week. I'm just kidding. I can take a lot more of you. I realize that sounded real d baggish. Like I said, great quote.

What's your quote?

My quote is, in any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. I love this because it's so Much permission around, like. No, the number two best thing you can do is the wrong thing, guys. So honestly, you're aiming at number one being like the right thing. And a lot of times we have no concept of what that is. But doing the wrong thing clarifies what's not the right thing, which is huge anyway. But doing nothing is gonna arrive you at an early grave with regret.

Oh, man, that took a dark turn and I really liked it. You're gonna end up at your grave sad.

You won't even know it because you won't be there. So that's that. Do you have a review?

There's nothing left to say at this point. No, I will give us a review.

Let's. Here we go.

Here we go.

Let's brighten this up, huh?

We're gonna brighten this up with Taylor.

Taylor.

Taylor Kuendorf. I mispronounced your last name because I'm bad at that.

Well, you say it fast so that it sounds okay.

Taylor says Lori is my soul sister. Oh. I listen to this podcast every day. The questionably awesome episodes when I need a laugh, the quickies when I need a kick in the booty, and the special guests for inspiration. We are both from the Midwest. We both are Sagittarius. Oh, we both love baby spoons, Tay Tay. Thank you, Lori and Evans, for making me feel less crazy and more powerful.

Baby spoons, Tay Tay. We can get baby spoons and we can eat some Arctic Zero together off our baby spoons with of gloves on.

I forgot about the baby spoons.

And talk about the Midwest. I used to collect baby spoons. You know what's real nice about baby spoons is when they finally came out with that rubber coated baby spoon so that it wasn't so agitating on your mouth. Like, why would I put this metal inside of my mouth over and over? I want a rubber baby spoon. This metal is so invasive. I want a rubber coated fork.

You know, why haven't they done that? Oh, I know why.

Can't poke it.

Can't poke it so well. You know what?

I came up with it at the same time, so don't worry about it. What about the ends, though? They could make them like a more pokey end with a rubber. Nice rubber coating, though.

Almost like a spork.

That would be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah, it'd be a more enjoyable food experience in my personal opinion. Some metals too. When they touch your teeth or mouth.

You'Re like, I don't like that. I don't like that at All. I don't like talking about teeth. It weirds me out. I really, I love my dental hygienist, but I can't do that. I can't be involved in people's teeth and stuff.

No, no, thank you. I thought about it and I literally got that watering in my jaw just when I thought about that metal that's in your mouth. You know what I mean? It's very visceral.

Very. Do you want to keep talking about it or should I ask you a question?

Tater Tot. Thank you for your review. We are so grateful. I have so many nicknames around Taylor because that is my brother's name. So Tater Kanator, Tater Canadian. There's so many names. Lil Tay Tay. I know you're not Tay man because you're a girl, but he's a man. Yeah, so there's that.

But.

So thanks for that review. If you email customer serviceaurieharter.com, we're going to send you something super awesome. Maybe a rubber coated fork or a rubber coated baby spoon. Probably not because that would require me going in the store. So I will. Wait, Lori, there's Amazon, but I'll probably just send you a mug. So with that said, what's the question?

Well, this question is from Lauren. Rags horn. Rags horn. Racks.

Racks.

How do you stay high energy when things seem to be piling up?

Oh, oh, man. How do you stay high energy when things seem to be piling up? Upped upt.

Ups.

This is a good question. I'd like to find the answer. Evans.

Let's find it together. I think when you have a big stack, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. And what I like to do is I get completely overwhelmed and I'm like, this is too much. I'm just gonna leave that huge stack staring at me and just keep ignoring it until I'm surrounded by stacks. So at some point you just have to swallow that frog and. Or eat the frog, whatever the saying is. Just try to take one little thing off.

Yeah, that's so true.

But I don't know. But she's asking about how to stay high energy during that.

Well, I actually think that you are completely on to. You just opened this up for me, so thank you for that. How to stay high energy through it is to make a plan around taking the small action steps. Like, I think we get low energy when we think of everything all at once. Like how I always use the analogy how your computer's running slow because you have every single screen open yet if you closed out everything and just focused on one thing at a time, you'd have a lot more energy, so your battery would not be draining. And I think that's what happens to, to me. I'm trying to really assess because I could get really overwhelmed right now. I have a lot of plates spinning at once. And what I've also come to the conclusion on over the past week is that if I want to do this company the way I want to do it, plates will never stop spinning if I'm doing it the right way. So do I want to live my life looking at each plate going, holy shit, there's so many plates spinning and wake up from start to finish and go to bed like that and be like, I hope these damn plates keep spinning while I'm sleeping. Like, no, I'll never make it. I would die. And I think that's the difference is I know that, you know. Lauren. Is that her name? Yes. Lauren, you're not different than anybody else who has a business or goals or a really busy life. And they're just as busy as you are. And some, some people, let's face it, 10 times busier, 20 times busier than you or I. And they, the difference is, is what we focus on and what we think about. And also, you know, what we decide to hire and delegate and learn about. And I think a lot of times we spin plates that we don't need to be spinning. Whether that is cuz we're not delegating or because we're just thinking about a plate that's spinning, that's like, I can't, that's not for now. That's not a problem I can solve right now. So with that said, with what I'm doing right now, how do I stay high energy? I focus on what is now. And I really am learning what it actually means to compartmentalize, which I think that word got a little bit of a bad rap somehow. But compartmentalizing is such a superhero strength for entrepreneurs. Like if it's not right now, put it in that bucket and put it on the shelf and go and look at it on the date that it needs to come down and put every, you know, put the other bucket in its place that you were focusing on. So one thing at a time, it's gonna save your energy so much more. It's really a choice to stress over all the spinning plates. So you kind of just have to be like, yeah, if one falls, it falls, and I'll go back to it. I'll give the Thing that needs attention. Attention now, and I'll, you know, let the other things go.

I also think you're really good at blocking time, which is a really good skill to have.

Yes, I'm getting better. I would say to a lot of people. I'm still very scattered, but I am so proud of myself for the ability to block time at this point. So thank you for that.

You're welcome. Like, when you have those creative days and times like that, you need those. Everybody needs that little outlet for themselves.

That's okay. That's been huge. Is. How do I stay high energy. I still. I don't care how busy I am, I'll still plan certain things that bring me joy. I'll give myself that space. But when I give myself that space, I really give it to myself. I don't say the whole time, I should be doing this, I should be doing that, because I did that. And it means that you never actually get that time or space ever. So if you're saying I should be during your off time, you're actually. That's actually not even downtime. You are draining your battery even more because you're feeling guilty about stepping away. So that's. That's not even a recharge.

That's the worst. I don't like that feeling.

I fight with that one. I still fight with that one. But I do all that I can to say, if I don't recharge and not think about this and learn to let it go, then I'm never going to be able to maintain. So a lot of this is about sustainability for me. And I have to say that to myself a lot. Like, you can't. This is not. This feeling is not sustainable. This feeling is not sustainable. So, like, I try to figure out what is. So I'm in that process right now. I'm like, oh, I will always be in that process. I think potentially I'm sure you will, too, but, yeah, that was good. What's our next qq?

The next QQ is from Cokie Mexi.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is. Ooh, I like this question. How do I dare to be the face of an organization when I'm so comfy in the background still in charge?

Tell me.

I just really like that question.

Means you probably really like the answer or you resonate with it. So do tell.

Being the face of an organization when you're comfortable in the background, like, she's in charge in the background, and she's like, I don't want to be the face.

I feel like, you resonate with this for some reason.

I'm definitely. I like being in the background, I think.

But I think you like your ideas.

I do like my ideas. I don't. What, what, what to do, what to do.

Because I like to be in the background and this is putting me in the front ground.

So basically your answer is, don't do what I do. I guess you just have to push yourself. What, I mean, what did, what do you do to push yourself to be like, you know what, I am in the. I'm the spotlight now or I am the face, I am in charge?

I guess I would, I guess I would first ask her a clarifying question. Like, I'm guessing, Evans, do you think she's saying that she wants to be in the forefront?

Maybe she wants to be. Or she already is and maybe is having trouble taking that ownership.

So this is, this would be my clarifying questions to ask yourself. Like, am I in the background because I want to be or because I'm really good at it and if I'm being pushed in the forefront or as the leader, is this actually where I best serve people? Does it feel in my highest alignment or is this actually out of alignment? Am I, am I actually meant to be the, you know, front facing girl of the background of the support system, which is just as important? So ask like, where is this coming from? Why do I think I need to be in the front? Is this just what people are telling me or is this actually like a huge calling? If it's a huge calling, that's a totally different story. I would say that you, you need to push through because if you know that you're supposed to be a leader, you will never be happy or feel content as someone who is in the background. It will eat you alive. You will not even be a good employee or a good assistant or a good anything in the background for a person who is in the forefront. Because you will secretly want to have what they have and it will come through. Not in a, you won't do it on purpose, but you may not show up in your full potential in that position, robbing someone else of that position and robbing that leader of somebody who could really support them in the way that they should be supported. So, number one, don't be so damn selfish and just get in the front. Find somebody who can support you. I've been there. I've had assistants who were supposed to be leaders. And I'm like, this is not working. Like, I can feel you want to be a leader and it's, it's actually not showing up supportive for me, like, which is so great. But what I need you to do is stop doing the supportive role that you hate or don't enjoy or you don't think you should be doing, even if you think you're good at it. And you need to go lead. So everyone around you knows and they feel that you should be leading. You need to step in because people are waiting for you to lead and you need to get like, Honestly, I think the resistance is worse than the fears that you're facing around leading if that is the case. So you're sitting in this place of like, I'm so afraid. And what you're doing is making up worst case scenarios and fears that will probably never happen. Don't get me wrong, there's going to be shit that happens, but in the staying in a position of something that's not in alignment with you, worst crap is. Worst crap is going to happen. So you've got one of two things. Stay in that position, kind of ruin. Not ruin, but like have these like half assed relationships and careers for the rest of your life where everyone's kind of like, huh, she's really great, but she's kind of like not the best. I don't feel that supported without even realizing it. And also for you to feel completely unfulfilled and resentful of great people. So there's so many things that we don't realize that happen by us not stepping into our highest potential. And it affects people around us. Like it affects so many people around us. So when we step into our highest potential, it actually invites other people into theirs. So you gotta step in sooner than later. Cause I think you're just.

Yeah, that's all that was quotable, I think.

Oh, the part where he said, I don't know. I think so.

Yes.

I don't really know if anything I said was good, but I think so.

Quote going on Pinterest right now.

Well, thank God, not Pinterest because I prefer Pinterest.

What's it called? Pinterest.

Pinterest. I know, you're just, you have a southern accent, so I think you said Pinterest. Pinterest, Pantrist. You know, P E N T R E S T. The one for bad quotes. That's why I go on Pinterest for terrible quotes by Laurie and. Laurie and Evans. All right, I'm pretty sure you said Pinterest and I was just trying to think of something funny to say. Okay. I really liked it. All right. So I think what I need to know is what you've extracted from our conversation so far.

Oh, today.

Yeah. Because we're wrapped. This is called wrap up.

Oh, for wrap up time. I think what I've learned is that you made me think about, you know, when you feel something nudging at you or you know, you're not aligned with something, but you still keep doing it.

Yeah.

And these questions made me think about it. And your answers because you were talking about how this, let's say this woman is afraid to like step in the front, but she kind of seems to like have this nudge that she needs to be in the front and leading her whatever her calling is.

Yeah.

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So it made me think about that and just kind of embracing different changes.

You got a lot going on right now.

What about you?

Yeah, so do I. These always make me think and what they make me think is that we're all the same. Like I literally, I get on here with you and I feel like I just see so much of myself in when I talk to you. And I also feel like I see and feel myself in every single question and every single review. Like when people are like, oh my God, I feel like I know you guys. I'm like, I feel that way about so many podcasts as well. And it's just, it's weird to be on the other side. So I think if I've extracted something from today, it's definitely that having these conversations just like of being a human and being silly and actually just, you know, there's a lot out in the world that is heavy and that we can care about. And I think we actually need to get really clear on like what feels good and what we want to care about or we can get like the first question was like very overloaded. Like that we're going to be exhausted. We're a very tired. I think as a civilization we're all extremely tired. And I think it's because we have caring fatigue or worry fatigue or like consumption fatigue. And I think that it's that's what it is. Is like, focusing on what matters to you and. And letting go of all the other stuff and knowing we can only change one thing at a time. Like, like right now with your traveling Evans, like, you really don't. It's kind of like you. You get so clear on what's important to you because you really don't have control over a lot of things in your life. Saying, you, me, we.

Exactly.

Yeah. We just don't have a lot of control right now. So it's kind of deciding what do I. What do we want to focus on, you know, while we. I don't know. Even RVing has been huge for me, because in the past would have been like, no, I'm not ready. I need to have this plan. I have this call on the weekend. I need to be in a good spot with making sure I have good wi Fi. And it's the ability. It's making me flex a muscle that I think is going to turn me into, like, a ninja, like, in every way.

Shut it, Bananas agrees.

I love you, but you're. Hey. Okay, so I guess we're gonna leave that in, but we're gonna wrap up because he is. I'm the only one up here, and he's gotta go. So, anyway, sending y' all so much love, Evan.

Yes.

I've incorporated y' all into my life.

I'm so glad. I know.

I feel like I get to carry a piece of you with me every time I say it.

That's so sweet.

It is. I feel like I've just, like, adopted the best parts. Okay.

I have. I have a lock of your hair that I keep.

Oh, I love that. Well, then now I guess I can tell you some of the things I have of yours.

I don't. I promise.

I wouldn't care if you did.

Okay.

Sorry. We're trying to. Okay, Okay. I guess we're trying. He's fine now, but we're still trying to leave. All right, you guys. So what we would love is to hear your takeaways. Big, small, tiny locks of hair. Whatever. Whatever it is. And as always, leave your review so that we can send you something super cool. And until next time, be questionably awesome.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Bye.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye Bye.