585. Q+A: How to collaborate

I feel like the common theme lately and everything I'm reading is to lift other people up. Because when you do that, so many good things happen immediately.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you.

Bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Evans. Welcome back to another episode of questionably awesome where this is one of the most fun things I do in my life because you're my co host and I really feel like not only because you're the most hilarious person in the world, but I have to be really honest about how this works. Like you want to be around people who make you feel funny and you make me feel so funny.

I'm glad because you make me feel funny too. It's like a self esteem boost.

Oh, it really? Like once a week I'm like, you know what? Not feeling very funny. Let's get on with Evans because that's gonna make me feel great.

So everybody needs a friend like that.

It's. Oh God, it's true. And you hold them tight, you know. So today Evans is wearing the most pizzazzed jazzy earrings that I've seen. They're pink, dangly like, it's like a discotheca in your ears.

I needed it so bad today. You know when you've just been so gross and you're like, what can I do to make myself look better?

Oh, tell me about it. I had that week like last week and then I had to get ready for that virtual event founders and rose that we did for light pink. And I was like, girl can clean up. Girl can still clean up. But I wasn't sure. Before that I wasn't sure. But the earrings are a really good tip on that. I'm telling you, if you guys are just at home like go, go do something to make yourself be like, girl still got good.

I've seen they have magnetic eyelashes now. Have you seen those? Yes. And I want to try that.

You okay, you should try those. And also you have to talk to my to Jackie My friend Jackie, because she has tried the ones that, like, you put glue on and they last for five to seven days. So they'll stay on your eyes those whole. So it's like having lash extensions, but for like five to seven days. So you just like, get the new pair or whatever. I don't know what brands they are. You guys, I'm so sorry. I'm a terrible, like, look, here's the best thing ever. And I'm not going to tell you what brand they are.

Good luck.

So try to find them.

Bye.

Can't be like me.

How are you feeling after three really cool nights with Light Pink?

It was amazing. It was like. I think it's just so exciting to be talking to. So right now I'm just in that phase of, like, really wanting to talk about, you know, big dreams, like people building their big dreams. So that was really exciting for me to have those conversations three nights in a row. So I just. I feel really good. Like, I'm excited. I'm so excited to get this product out. But there's always this holding phase. It's literally like three months before your wedding where you're like, okay, here now what we're in this three month, like holding phase of like, what people don't see is like the sourcing and the distribution and the legalities and all of the things like that that are just like, so logistical. And for a creative person like me, you have to step into a totally different personality for a while. And that is really tough. Cause that's not my zone of genius. But always, I think as like CEO of something, you have to obviously be someone that you're not for a long time and then you become that person. So I'm becoming a person who can be in that and can, you know, I'm trying to be very detailed and details are not my thing. But you have to be like. You just can't not be. So anyway, how have you been? Where are you right now?

I'm at my mom's house in Charleston and things are good and weird. And it's humid.

Oh, it's so humid here too, Evans. Like, so sticky. It's crazy. Yeah.

20 weird.

20 is weird. Yeah. How's your mom?

My mom's great. She is very sassy today, which is always nice. You know, when your mom gets sasses you real hard when you come home.

The mom sass. Did you tell her? Did you say, mom, you're sassy today? And what did she say?

She agrees. She knows she's on. She's on fire right now.

Like, in a good way or in just a sassy way right now?

In a good way. She's doing. She's busy at work, and then she's kind of, like, trying to close some deals with her. She's a realtor, so.

Oh, I want to be around her right now.

Me too. It's good energy because I was kind of in a slump, so I'm glad to be around it.

Oh, my goodness. I want to drink some wine with her.

Me too.

I want her to light us up.

She needs to. She is like, basically. Oh. One thing she was telling me, she was like, I can't stand it when people say, like, oh, wasn't meant to be. And she's like, it is meant to be. Like, you had to try to make it be sometimes.

Oh, God, that's good. Yeah. Should we call that mom vice? Like, mom advice? That's really good. It's so true. Because so many people don't try hard enough, and they're like, well, I guess that wasn't for me. It's like, no, you, you. L literally, like, stopped the process because you didn't keep going. It takes so long to make things happen. Think about how long it takes to make somebody marry you. Doesn't it sound like a challenge? Make someone marry you? I'm like, but that's like a three year process. And on our careers, we give up. We're like, I don't know. It didn't work in three months. Like, how long did it take you to seal that deal? You know?

Yeah, you can barely get insurance in three months. Exactly.

Some people are on year seven and 10 of trying to seal the deal with their business or their spouse.

Yes.

Don't give up so quickly. That stuff takes time to build. Hey, do you have a review?

Oh, yeah. And it's so great. This is from Barbie Teresa. Love her name.

It's like Mother Teresa and Barbie together.

Great comment.

They'd be besties.

She says. My favorite podcast. I absolutely love listening to Lori along with her guests. They reach so many different issues and areas that are so relatable and help you sit back to think about how to make the first steps of change. Ooh. And also they make you laugh at real life situations and how they use that to better themselves. If you're looking for a self improvement podcast, subscribe to this one. If only she did these all day, every day, I'd be tuning in an entire day. Heart.

Oh, dang. Okay, well, I'll talk to you tomorrow for another episode.

That was nice, Barb.

I actually think we could. Barbie. Thank you so much. That was Barbie Teresa, right?

Barbie Teresa.

That name in itself just makes you feel super, like, spiritual.

Yes. And someone I vote for. Yeah.

Yes. She should run for something for sure. Do you have a quote?

Yes. Okay. This is from. I'm reading Melinda Gates books. Melinda Gates book. And in it she says, if you don't set your own agenda, somebody else will.

Isn't that the truth? Like, if you do not have things scheduled for yourself or you don't have the thing that you want scheduled into your day. Yeah. You're doing things for other people, then.

Yeah.

Yeah. You're coming right in and you're taking care of other things that set you back potentially.

I'm real bad at that.

Why don't you put yourself first?

I don't know. Because I am not doing a good job. There's no excuse. That's the reason.

Well, you gotta. You gotta start putting yourself first. What would be something that would make you feel like you were first in your life so that you can not resent other people? Just saying. Just saying. I feel like there's some cooped up resentment that might be there.

It's like you're reading my mind. I think what I've been doing a bad job about, especially since getting our puppy, is letting my morning slip away with her. So you just had to put her in the crate? You know, you gotta stick to your morning routine or else it's bad with that.

I was so bad with that because my heart would break and I was like, yeah, but he howls and bugs the neighbors or whoever's at home or my team is getting so frustrated with me. And I was like, this is how it works. Like, it's gonna be hard for a little while and you have to. It was the hardest thing for me ever. Evans. I can only imagine how mothers feel like having to put themselves first. Like, oh, my God. But I ended up doing it because I was starting to get really crabby. I was not a fun person to be around. So. Okay, let's check. Check out this quote. I found it just on Good Quotes, which is on Instagram, guys. Cause you know, Instagram is the place where all good things come from. All right. It says, friends are supposed to make you feel better about yourself. Just remember that. That's a part of the quote too. Friends are supposed to make you feel better about yourself. Just remember that. I'm not saying just remember that. The quote is.

I love that. Yeah, it's so true.

It is.

Because once in a while I'm like, why do I feel like a steamy turd after seeing you?

That is not right.

That's not right. I should probably cut that out of my life. Should cut that. Yeah. All right, so we have some questions that I have here. These are on. These are about collaboration. Like, what? Tell us your questions about collaboration. So we have from. Let's see. This is good. The Rachel Joy one. Thank you so much for your question, Rachel. I love you. How to kindly turn down a collab that doesn't feel aligned. Oh, so have you ever had this? I think that this can actually go for how to turn down potentially, like, being asked for something on your job that doesn't feel right for you. How to turn down a collab that doesn't feel aligned. Okay, I'm gonna start on this because I actually feel like I'm pretty clear on this one. I. I've done collaborations that don't feel aligned or AKA like, partnering or working with someone or saying yes to, like, a. A summit that wasn't aligned in the first place, but I didn't want to let people down or they say, like, it's going to be so easy. It's only 20 minutes of your time. I know that. You know, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, it didn't feel good or in the first place just because you were too. Felt too busy and, you know, you were saying yes to something that might be too much or it just didn't really align with you and you're like, this isn't really my topic. Or I've spoken on stages that weren't aligned. Like, I've done all the things. And I'll tell you, if you have a feeling that it is not aligned, if you're like, oh, this feels hard, it is gonna be so challenging to show up for that. You're not gonna be able to show up in your highest self, and it's not gonna go well for you. And usually something will kind of go awry in that relationship when you feel like it's not quite a fit. So I think you have to take a couple of these in order to understand what does. What that actually means to not feel aligned. Like, some of you are like, what does that look like? You know, I'm not sure. Yeah. But if it doesn't feel aligned, how you turn it down is just to say, hey, at this time, this isn't. This isn't actually what I'm, you know, working on, or this isn't in my Zone of genius right now, or I'm not sure, or this isn't something that's going to fit in my schedule. But I'm so incredibly excited for everything that you're doing. Have the best time. Let me know if you need, you know, somebody, a suggestion or whatever that looks like. But you got to say no in a loving way. Just like, hey, I am so excited for you doing this right now. This isn't aligned for me. Just because maybe you got to say in a nice way. You can't be like, this isn't aligned. I've had some people tell me about the Bliss project. They're like, this isn't an alignment for me. And I'm like, that's the shittiest way to say something. Please don't say. Please don't think that you are being holier than thou. When you say something to somebody, you have to say it right. You have to say. You have to say, I'm so sorry. This is not aligned with what my goals are right now. Or this isn't, you know, in line with what I'm working on right now. But I love you're doing. Here's somebody I can recommend or just say, thank you so much for considering me. I appreciate this so much, and I know it's going to be the most awesome thing ever, but it's just not a fit for what I'm working on right now. Yeah, how about you?

Because you're. I like that you're. You recognize that it takes a lot for someone to ask. Yeah, you recognize and you're. You appreciate it. And then you're just like, look, this isn't in my bandwidth right now. Here. Here's someone who maybe you would be interested in. Or it's like, I know something in work that I was tasked with and I was like, hey, I appreciate this task and I definitely want to do more, but honestly, I am not the right person for this. And I'm trying to figure out, but can't. It was like accounting. So I'm not an accountant.

Yeah, absolutely.

That was a terrible answer.

But it's the best answer because most people would have taken that on and then failed miserably, completely let somebody down. Right?

Yeah. It's just like, you just have to be honest and try to be nice, I guess, is the best way to go about it.

If you say yes to something that doesn't fit, I promise you, you're gonna look like an asshole. Like, it's very different, because you know what? You're gonna show up and be like, I'm so sorry this spreadsheet looks so shitty. And they're gonna be like, this isn't even a spreadsheet. It's a paint by number. What the hell did you send to me?

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. You're gonna look so. And then they're not gonna trust you with other tasks because they're like, just. You should have just told me, you know?

Yeah.

And that's how people feel when you're like, oh, I feel bad about saying, no, if this isn't a fit, please just tell them, because you're not gonna show up. Well, for them, because it's not a fit. You're gonna be, like, resentful, and they're gonna feel that, and the whole thing is gonna fall apart. So it's so much better. It's a favor for them. All right, we've got another one here. So let's see. Let's see. See what we want to ask here.

Cool.

Doop, doop, doop.

Boop, boop, boop.

Oh, I like this. This is from tamaramaria. Ca. Love it. Okay, Tamara asks, how do you approach someone to collaborate with them to make it a win, win deal? What do you think?

Oh, I would say do your research.

Number 1 million percent. Number one is do your research, because you have to figure out what their goals are. So you might want to ask them, like, what are you working on? Like, what's the most exciting thing for you right now? And how can I help you with that? And then really look at how that most exciting thing, how you can show up for that and make it bigger than this person could even make it, like, making it bigger together. And then also, how does your favorite thing that you're working on help complement what they are excited about? And if it can't really complement it, it may not be a match. Or it could actually be a great match, because if the audience that that person is serving also has the need that you have, but the person, it's not their zone of genius for what you do, that might be a great collab to fill the shoes of what you can't. What. What that other person cannot do. So there's a couple things that you're like, oh, maybe it's not a great fit, but maybe it is. Maybe the audience really does have needs or their CL that they are not focusing on. That could be a really great fit. So we'll take a conversation of, like, here. Are there any gaps in your business? Are there any gaps in anything that you'd like to serve your audience with that maybe I could serve or that you see and you pitch to that person. Because honestly, when people collab with me or ask to work with me, sometimes when it's just, like, very vague, you don't have time to figure out how they could collab with you. Like, sometimes unless you're, like, very excited just about working with that person. If it's somebody that is like a good friend or something like that, that's when I'll sit down and be like, okay, how. What could we do to play together in this realm? Otherwise, if it's a total stranger, you just don't have time to be like, let me learn about you. Let me find out what it is. Like, when you are pitching a collab, you better know everything about that. You know what they're looking for or ask them and then come with three to five different pitches that you could do to give them options. Or even two. You know what I mean? Two really, really good ones. But it takes time and thought. You can't just go to someone and be like, hey, I want to collab. That's like, you're going to get a no. Every single time you're going to get a. Get a no. If you just say that to somebody you don't know, they're like, who the hell are you?

Yeah, like, what? What is this? I remember, like, looking in your podcast inbox and when people would, like, personalize it and you could tell people who had really done research on like, oh, I love this episode. And this is why I think we would be a good fit to work together. And here's what I'm up to. Let me know, like, think about was always appreciated when people were. Cause sometimes you get things that weren't even personalized. And it's like, here's attached. See? Attached? And you're like, wait a minute, can you. It's kind of like applying for a job almost totally.

Like, if you don't know about the company, you're like, hey, what do you think of my resume? And they're like, well, why do you feel like you're a fit for this job? And you're like, am I? Where am I at? Am I at Nabisco or Target? Yeah, like, that's exactly what it feels like. And they're like.

Yeah, yeah, you're at Nabisco and you're applying for Target. So you can't exactly.

You came in all red with a Target shirt on.

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Yeah. When you should have showed up as a Keebler elf, you know? Yeah.

I love those fudge rounds or whatever they're called.

Anything with the word fudge in it makes me happy. I don't think fudge is a mistake. I think fudge, you know, when people say, oh, fudge. I'm like, please don't do that. Fudge is never a mistake. Oh, fudge is like, oh, delicious. Your mistake wasn't delicious. All right.

Oh my God, I'm on fire right now. Laughing. Ok, sorry.

All right, Evans. Well, I feel like we just did a bang up job today of answering questions. So I feel complete. How do you feel?

I feel really complete. And I want to thank you for making me feel complete. I feel lifted up.

You know, I want to thank you because they say that people can't complete you, but this is proof that that you need to. You need to stop trying to fill your own self up and do any self work and you just find yourself in Evans. Yeah. No more personal development. Rely on somebody for your happiness. That's what I do every Thursday. I'm like, if you don't make me happy, I am not a complete person. So it's working for me. It's working for me.

Just kidding.

Let's go back and do a lot of self work until we see each other next Thursday.

Okay.

So we can have each other again. That's how it works. That's how it works. Okay. I'm very excited to see your earrings next week. And what's a little bit of advice that you can give to somebody in 30 seconds or less?

Oh, I feel like the common theme lately and everything I'm reading is to lift other people up. Because when you do that, so many good things happen immediately. It's crazy.

Is that the truth?

Just one little thing.

You know, I just want to tell you that you always have some nugget and I'm not even kidding you like, I'm like, you just whipped that out of your ass and it was really, really good. So we'll call it an E nug. Maybe not an E nugget. All right, guys. Well, thank you so much for joining us. If you loved this episode and it made you smarter, please make sure you tell us how we educated you on the gram. You can tag Evans and tag myself and take the podcast and tag your mom, your brother, and your cousin and their uncle and your dog and Fudge. Do you think Fudge has a page? Okay, we gotta go anyway.

Oh, we gotta look for it. Okay.

All right, I'm gonna go look. It's gonna be a weird page. Okay, until next time, everybody be questionably awesome. Bye, Evans.

Bye, Lori.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast.

I am so glad that you stopped by.

If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think.

Would love it, that would be absolutely.

Amazing, and we would be forever grateful.

Also, please leave us a review if.

You feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment.

Tell us what you think.

Tell us what you want to hear. More of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.