589. Q+A: Handling rejection

This is the perfect spot to take.

A break to tell you.

This week I was writing a very important email to somebody and I almost sent a very embarrassing email to somebody and thank God that I was using Grammarly because it caught the mistake. So let me tell you whether you're communicating with your team online, whether you're working on a project, you're writing a book, you're writing a blog post, maybe you're writing an Instagram post, Grammarly is.

The digital writing tool that you can.

Rely on to get your message across clearly and effectively. It works on so many different platforms, including Gmail, Google Docs and Slack. And it's, it's so much more than just catching spelling mistakes. It can help you write confidently no matter where you are. So it's the digital writing assist that helps more than 20 million people put their best words forward. So if someone's a great writer, you might have to wonder if they're using Grammarly. So signing up for Grammarly account is free and it gives you real time spelling and grammar checks as you write. It works where you are so you can communicate clearly and confidently on every platform. So the coolest thing so Grammarly Premium gives you advanced feedback on your tone, word choice, punctuation and more. Here's what I love the most. When I was writing my book, my editor always said to me, say less, say it in less words. Get your point across in less words. And that's exactly what Grammarly help you helps you with. So it has clarity suggestions. It's a feature that makes your sentences clearer and concise and crisp by cutting out unnecessary, unnecessary and redundant words along with overused words. I am so guilty of that. So Grammarly Premium helps you write like a pro with advanced real time feedback. So I want to offer you 20% off if you go and sign up now. Get 20% off Grammarly Premium. When you sign up at Grammarly.com forward/happy that's 20% off Grammarly Premium at Grammarly.com forward slash happy G R A M A R L Y.com happy. I hope you guys try it. I think it's going to make your writing so much better.

What's going on out there, while important, it's also important to find peace of mind and contentment. And that's gotta happen within you. That's why I think a lot of people are struggling is they didn't develop those tools before this.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion fitness Expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Evans, welcome back to another episode of Questionably awesome, where you and I answer questions from our audience. And we pretty much like, this is not. This is gonna. We're gonna give you some, like, doses of wisdom, hopefully, probably. I have to sift through a lot of. What would you call this? What would you call the fluff in between?

Like, sticky marshmallow goo.

Yeah, that's what it's gonna feel like. So if you're up for laughing or judging, I mean, this would be a great podcast for that as well. So, you guys, we're just always super grateful that you tune in and. Where did you just tell me you were? Right now you're in an Airbnb. So this is. Honestly, this is the travel edition. I am in my RV right now. Evans is in an Airbnb. We are proving that business can still happen. Well, can we call this business? I feel like that's, like, really hardcore business.

Fortune 500.

Fortune 500 business happening on this podcast right now.

As you can tell from the quality of this, it is happening.

Well, this is high quality evidence, so. And, you know, I just think that people. We're really proving that people can, you know, anyone could be successful. You really can. You really can that shining light for people and just show how terrible you can be while still being successful. So with all of that said, I think we've already really inspired this morning.

I think so, too. I think so, too. How are you doing on the road?

You know, I'm great and equally, like, I take deep breaths and surrender probably every 10 minutes because I have a million phone calls I need to make, and it's really hard to make professional phone calls while in an RV that is loud going down the road, and you're not sure if you're gonna go through a mountain pass where you're gonna lose reception and things like that. So it's like letting go of, like, I have to be so professional on this call and loud and things aren't perfect, and I'm not at My desk and, you know, I don't have everything in front of me. And it just. It's. It's massive surrender. But things are still.

It's.

I'm proving to myself that things are still happening, things are still moving forward. It's kind of. It's just. The only thing that's mentally tough for me right now is because we have so much work in the morning. I'm not getting a workout for the week. So I'm feeling. And you know how you and I feel when you don't work out. Like a little disgruntled and a little angry for no reason. Yes. I've also had three cups of coffee this morning, so that's not helping with the aggression. Yeah.

So are you able to go on a walk or something later in the day? How do you combat that? Or do you just let it go?

I just have to let it go and know, like, okay, you don't really get workouts this week, and you're going to just take a deep breath and you're going to eat well. So. I try to eat well and drink a lot of water and I try not to eat too much sugar or usually have too much caffeine, but this morning I was just all jacked up. I wanted it. It's almost like my crazy was craving crazy. I do that, too. I was like, I'm already crazy. Let's make it worse.

Why do we do that? I do the same thing.

Addiction. Yeah. We're all addicted to something, you know? And when I'm not feeding my positive addictions, those negative ones come out, so.

They just creep on in.

That's okay.

You're human. We're all human. Something.

What are you feeding? Okay, so how has your week been?

It's been good, but weird but good. I've just been. I've been kind of irritable this week and.

Oh, welcome to my world.

You know how some days, like this week has been one of those weeks where one day I'll wake up and I'm like, I can handle anything. Everything's great. And the next day I'm like, everything's terrible.

Yeah. I don't. Is that life? Or do you go through. Do you notice you go through more even periods? Or is that just kind of like from week to week for you? Are you like a month? You'll notice you're good, and then it's just a month of bad, or is it all over the board?

I think especially with the quarantine and stuff, it's been way all over the board. And I guess it's like, a lack of routine and stuff, and everything's just changing so much. Think we're all struggling.

It's so weird, though, because when I'm really in routine, I can also get, like, a little bored and irritable as well, because I'm like, I'm too routine. Even though I'm like, I like it, and I like knowing what I'm doing. It's almost like I can be like, this is so monotonous, you know? So it is weird. That's what I read. So that's actually what's been really helping me, is I'm like, well, I'm definitely. I don't have time to feel depressed, which is not my favorite way to feel. I think a lot of people will agree with me on that one. So I'm always like, well, I'm not depressed. I guess anxiety feels a little better than depression and then anxiety, because at least anxiety, I have tools to kind of, like, calm down and find a neutral. But when I'm depressed, it really will take a whole attitude adjustment and, like, usually an environment change for me and trying to get around people. So I think you're always just weighing in your mind, like, okay, is this better? What is this comparable to? What do I have the. What do I have power over right now? And that's really, really big for me. I'm like, well, you're in a beautiful spot. Like, you could really just enjoy where you're at. You could enjoy camping. You could let go of all the other things and know they're gonna get done when they get done. Yeah. It's just the pressure we put on ourselves is insane, especially right now. That's good.

Changing your perspective.

What pressure are you putting on yourself right now?

I think my job's just been crazy, and our life's a little bit in limbo. I feel like I've been saying this record player forever.

We all have, since January. So it's probably making people feel way better right now.

I hope so, because I feel like everyone's like, what the heck is school? What is my job? What are the holidays gonna be like?

Where do I live?

What's happening? It's just a weird time.

You just summarize 2020. You could have written a book, and it's one paragraph long. Literally, like, this is the book of 2020. Who am I?

That's how I feel every day.

I'm like, is this life? Yeah. And this is the crazy part. If you can make this during this Life, you can do anything. And I think that's what this year has taught me is if you don't find life in this year, you're never going to be content or happy. You have to find it. If you can find it here, you'll have it for the rest, you'll find it everywhere. So true. It's like dropping into that and being like, okay, so what little things could I be happy with right now? How can I get so in the moment and realize what's going on out there? While important, it's also important to find peace of mind and contentment. And you know that's got to happen within you. That's why I think a lot of people are struggling is they didn't develop those tools before this, so they're having to develop them now in the midst of chaos, which is pretty challenging. But it's like, how can you find peace amidst the chaos? And make that your daily question. How can you find those moments of peace and escape and reprieve where you can just like drop in, you know, to and believe and have faith and like reconnect to God and your family and your dog and all of those things? So.

2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss, you become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so.

Scared to take the leap.

And I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates, templates that you can customize to match your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built into. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the same dashboard. In 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com shop.com happy go to shopify.com happy that's shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you. And when you want more, when you're starting a business, you need Northwest Registered Agent. Because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale, and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it, like operating agreements, meeting minutes, and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com forward/, earn free. And start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent at www.northregisteredagent.com forward/, earn free.

Seriously, man, you just dropped a bomb.

That was a good one. That's for me. I'm talking to me for sure. Well, I hear it.

Amen.

Amen. To the men. All right. Do you have a quote?

I do. I went with. Okay. It's really good. Obviously, Live a life driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear. And that's from Elizabeth Gilbert.

She's so good. I love her. It's by Angelou. And this is. You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot, it's all there. Everything influences each of us. And because of that, I try to make sure that my experiences are positive. She's good. Oh, that's really good. Yeah. Which is why I think some People are like, I think getting fierce with your circles of friends, of influence, of what you watch, what you think, oh, yeah, how much you're consuming social media. And I know, you know, it's so funny because we do this for our kids. We're like, you can't hang around them or you can't watch this or watch that. And yet we're like, we're adults now, we can handle it. And actually, no, you never develop. Like, we don't have those skills to really sift through that. But we do have this, you know, between what's influencing us and what's not. Like, you watch the news all day and you're like, I'm just not going to get influenced by it. You are for sure, hands down, because you change it to another channel and watch that all day, you're gonna have a different perspective. So it's really like being highly aware that even though you're an adult, you still are getting influenced by everything you're around and you are thinking the same way as the people that you're all around. So be really careful of those thoughts that you're thinking and who you're listening to and make sure it's well rounded, at minimum, that you are blocking out the negative. Like, I think so many people I put up a post about, or it was like a little mini video about, like, you know, making sure you kind of clean up your friends if they're, you know, negative over time. And so many people were like, yeah, but it's so hard and we have so many memories. But it does affect me. It affects my whole life, but I just don't think I can do it. And I'm like, well, then you have to decide that you're okay with feeling pretty crappy a lot because of this person, or you could feel crappy for a short period of time over the relationship ending not the way that you wanted it to, and learn how to make peace with it over the next two years. Like, say a lot of prayers, Send them love. Pray that they can see it in a different light. And I gotta be honest, some relationships that have ended for me took me about a good two years to get over because they just didn't end the way I wanted. And they ended where they didn't like me for. For ending them. And that was really, really hard. But now I'm free. I don't have shackles on myself anymore. I don't feel like I have to keep up relationships that aren't, you know, like, that aren't equally serving each other that are draining, that make me feel guilty that I'm like, oh, I'm never enough. I never text enough. I never call enough for them. I never can keep up enough for them. And that's just. That's not a way to live. So it's not easy. It's actually quite terrible. But you free yourself of those shackles later on, so, yeah, I love that.

Changing what you consume, changing who you're around, Just being mindful of that. Because right now there is a lot of bad stuff.

Lots. So you got to create the good.

You gotta eat your veggies.

Eat damn veggies. Do you have a review from one of our awesome listeners?

Yes, I do. Speaking of good things, this is from Alicia Ratz. When listening, you forget that you aren't BFFs with Lori. Questionably awesome. Transports me out of my desk and my job and onto the couch with Lori and Evans. They motivate me to be a better person to everyone and pick me up on a bad day. I so appreciate their talks.

Oh, you're on the couch right in between us. Like a little sandwich.

A little Alicia sandwich.

Yeah, she's the mayo or the. I don't know if you're vegetarian or not. You could be a sprouted patty.

I was just gonna say sprouts.

Sprouts. Oh, I like that. She's so spicy.

I love a sprout sandwich.

Oh, me too. Me too. I used to hate them when I was little. Like, I like gag factor. Like how something tasted so pungent to me. Yeah. And sprouts are one of those things that you either love or you hate. And I really think that you should just test all of your friend groups through this. Like, do you like sprouts or not? And if you don't, get rid of them. Because you don't need that negativity in your life.

No sprouts, you're out of here.

Just kidding. I do know sprouts are very. I think there's probably 50, 50 on here. People who are like, but love. I don't like sprouts. I was just on the couch with you, and you're like, you can come back to the couch. You're back in.

It's fine.

You're fine. We were kidding about the sprouts. Felt like a great joke. Okay, Alicia, thank you so much for sending that review. Send us an email to customerservicelorihardter.com we're going to send you something. Roll it. Oh, hey, let's get to a question because we've got some good questions today.

They're about rejection. Oh, yeah.

This story in my life. Let's do it.

Oh, man. Okay, here we go. This is from makeup by Darcy, Danielle. And they ask, how do you handle rejection in the form of someone being overly critical and just ugly?

All right, first of all, I think that you need to know who your source is and like million percent right? Like, yeah, does this person really matter to you? Is this person judgmental and acts in a personality ugly way often? Probably not gonna be the person whose opinions you're gonna place on a high value system. So that's like saying, you know these trolls on the interweb. I'm not gonna put value on what they say if they don't know me. And they've got a kitty cat picture, you know, that they're hiding behind. Yes, I know you're not that nice cat right now.

No, they're not.

Don't even try to front like you're this cat. So I see your meanness, but I guess know your source number one know even if this is someone who is or was close to you, you also need to evaluate that, like, how did they give you this message? If it was done in an ugly way, that is not someone you keep in your life. And if it is, you really are tolerating a form of a bit of like a verbal yuck, like a verbal abuse. And are you cool with tolerating that like. Or are you kind of like starting to have more respect for yourself and valuing yourself more? Because I think really, and sometimes what happens is you valuing yourself does not come first. Sometimes you have to make the choices that would reflect you valuing yourself. Like, you know what? I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm not going to be the punching bag or step in front of the moving bus when I know all you're going to do is run me over, over and over again. So sometimes even if you're like, I don't really feel like I have a lot of self love yet, it's because love is an act. Like, it's an active thing. So sometimes you have to do the actions to love yourself first before you can do that. And a lot of times it's not a bath. It's not, you know, bath crystals and bath salts, music in a glass of wine. It is like saying no to people, and it is saying yes to what you want to do, and it's setting huge boundaries and letting go of people. And here's the thing, Evans. It's like, so many people are like, yeah, but that's hard. Yeah. But you know what is super hard? Not loving yourself and living a life that you just kind of don't like and then dying and not having.

Felt like you're dropping all the bombs this morning. Laurie Evans.

I am talking to myself every day. Listen to. Listen to yourself. Go do things. Yeah. So I'm gonna. Let's go on to the next question, and I'm gonna have you start.

Okay, cool. This is from. Let's see. Networking. Guelph Networking. I'm really sorry if I miss wealth networking. How do you find the positive in rejection? It's hard not to take it personally and own the rejection.

What do you think?

I think I know I'm super sensitive as a human. I feel like I take everything personally, and it's hard not to. But if someone's. Let's see, what was the question? How do you find the positive? I think it's going back to, is it like a constructive criticism or rejection? There's usually something like, if it's a no, it can lead you to something that's a yes, that's a better fit. But I think it's completely normal and fine to have that initial shock and feel a little sad and down. It's just kind of like taking a minute to think, to step back and look at the bigger picture.

Yes.

I mean, rejection is just the worst.

But go ahead.

It's also good because it can lead you to a better path that you should have been on in the first place.

It's like a numbers game. So let's say, you know those balls that you pull out that are like the bingo balls. If you're turning that cage and you keep on pulling out the bingo balls, you have a yes in there to your ultimate dream. Except there's what. There's probably 100 or 200 balls in there.

Too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained, and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself. And the good news is it doesn't have to be this way, and you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and more than a dozen other bestsellers, created the Working Genius assessment to help you pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up every day. If you're a CEO an entrepreneur or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life. Working genius is going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything. It's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code. Earn@workinggenius.com that's workinggenius.com you'll be glad you did it.

You have to pull out so many balls.

Did you just want to say balls a lot?

I really did. You have to pull out so many balls in order to find your yes. And you're not going to get the numbers that you want, like, over and over and over again. But if you understand that that's what it is, it's just balls with numbers on them. It's a bingo game. Like, you are going for the one yes in this cage of 200. You just have to keep pulling it out and stop viewing it as like, oh, that individual ball. No, you view it as like, it's a means to an end and it's a way to get to the one that is the yes. And here's how you can make it a huge positive. Here's what I've been doing. If I get rejected on, you know, right now, I'm like, raising money. And if it's not for somebody, you can ask the questions, why did you, you know, or maybe you're writing a book or your proposals getting rejected or you got turned down for a job, you can say, hey, can I ask why? You know, why I didn't get chosen so that I can take that to the next interview or improve something. Can I ask how I could improve my interviewing skills? Or what you were looking for? For me, it's like, can I ask why you passed on the opportunity? Was there something that you were looking for? Was there something that I mentioned? Or can you tell me what you look for when you're looking to invest? That is one of the biggest ways to, number one, stop taking rejection personal, because normally they have a reason. We passed on your book because we just got a book exactly on this topic right before. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, well, that's great. That means I just need to keep looking for somebody who doesn't have this topic at their publishing house yet. Or maybe I need to change my wording or, you know, and sometimes, you know, I did get rejected and it was like, we don't. It's like this is not special. This topic's been done before. This book is not special. She doesn't stand out. Like, I've had that email and I'm like, that's okay. They don't see what I see. They don't see the vision. They don't, you know, they don't know who I'm impacting. They don't know this calling in my heart. They can't see that. So they're not blessed with that. So you just say thank you. Like, thank you for not accepting me. Because here is why. If they would have said yes to me and been like, well, you know, maybe we'll give it a shot, and they weren't excited or all in or thought they saw potential in me, it would have been a really bad relationship and I would have felt it. And I probably would have ended up somehow failing for them or kind of screwing up or always feeling like I could never meet their expectations and feeling the pressure of underperforming. So I try to never even take a relationship where it's a little iffy on their end. I'm only taking relationships if it's 100%. Like, they're just as excited as me or that energy is going to come through in that. Like, it's going to come through in that. So. So, yeah, that's what I'm thinking. So. Evans.

Yes.

And also. What?

Go ahead.

Oh, well, if you're getting rejected, you're putting yourself out there, so that's huge.

It's the biggest. It's the most important. You guys, I always give myself a pep talk like. Like, you're doing so great. I'm so proud of you for facing that. That was really hard. That did not feel good, Lori. But you kept on doing it or you kept on showing up. And here's what I. Here's the belief that I hold. Like everything passes. Every single storm that you never thought was ending ended up ending, and you ended up like, you know, two months later. Even if you're like, when is this gray cloud gonna stop covering my life? All of a sudden one day you're like, oh. And just like that, the sun came out. And I don't know why. There's no specific reason. That's the healing, the journey of healing. So, Evans, drop some wisdom on me. Oh, drop it. Like Pitbull.

I'm like, lacking wisdom right now. What can I drop for wisdom today? Maybe just to pause and have a little moment of silence today, because there's a lot of chaos in the world and sometimes it helps to just have that couple minutes just to reframe and pause and you're gonna get through it.

Gonna get through it. And we have the people we love around us.

Yes.

You got a new dog.

Got a new dog.

She's sleeping right here. How is she doing?

She's really good. And it's at. It's so nice to have a dog again. They just bring so much joy.

Isn't it crazy? You just. You feel like your heart will never heal from the last one. And somehow they come and they just sew up little paw patches all over it.

They do. Everyone needs some sort of little pet. Even if it's like a. Whatever you're into. A pet rock.

Yeah, it sucks. I couldn't have pets when I was little, so I had an eraser in school. Like a pink eraser. I named it Pinker Pet. And I. I literally grew attached to an eraser. I can't believe I'm sharing this story right now. I love it. It wasn't like a weird animal attachment, but I really was just like. I was like, that's pinker pet. And then once you name something, it's game over. But I carried that eraser all year. You know those big, Those long, those 2 inch, like pink erasers.

Yes, I know exactly what you're talking. Did they have like the little like bendy thing, you know?

Yeah. Yes. Like a little jump. It could be kind of like a jump on each side if you pressed it down like a little. Yeah, totally, totally. So anyway, that's bizarre. Kind of wishing I could take that back right now and.

No, it's not.

It's perfect eraser. It was really, really around the time that people were giving each other eraser burns too, for fun. Do you remember those? Oh, yes.

Yes, I did.

Like, it was like a little cool tattoo. And you'd be like, it's an eraser burn. And it lasted months. And you're like, why do we do this? I don't know. Like, that was. That's what you do up north when there is nothing to do. Let me tell you, kids get erasers these days.

I hope kids still get erasers in school because they're so much fun. I don't think maybe it's just on the computer.

Yeah, I don't think they. Now they have to have like, computer burns and stuff, which could be really bad because that could be like an electrical burn.

So. Yeah. Hope that doesn't happen.

All right. Well, Evans, I really, really always enjoy catching up with you in our different locations every single week. So I can't wait to see where we are next week. What is going on in each other's lives? Give Adam a big hug for us. Give your puppy a big hug.

I will. Same, y'. All.

Absolutely.

I will.

And then, until next time, everyone give us a tag on Instagram and let us know what your biggest takeaway was from this podcast. Did we make it laugh at all? I would love to know. That's the most important thing to me. And until next time, be questionably awesome. Bye, everyone.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, Tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.