605. Q+A: Burnout

How to negate burnout is to first see where it comes from. And burnout comes from saying yes to everything.

Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go, Evans. Welcome back to the show. You are officially back home. We're gonna record. And so am I, which is absolutely crazy. Like, I. I don't even know what to do with myself. I've been sleeping so fantastic in my bed. And welcome to another episode of your show, questionably awesome, where we answer questions from our beautiful audience, who I'm obsessed with. And sometimes we sprinkle in wisdom. But the brunt of what we chat about is just going to make you feel better about yourself. That's because you're not like us. Or whether it's because you are.

Yeah, you're going to definitely feel better because you're not like us.

Well, that might be a part of it. So if you feel like you're going nowhere in life and you're like, you know what? I got to listen to something. Sometimes the key is to listen to motivation and motivational people. And then sometimes the key is to listen to people who are just dumber than you.

So we're here for that.

Yeah, that's why we're here. Maybe we should. I might rename this podcast. And you're not included on this, by the way. This is just me. So I'm just talking about myself. But a podcast called Dumber Than youn, so that it can make you feel so much better. You're like sure fire gonna listen to someone dumber than me elevate myself. Because we all know that's the universal law.

Oh, 100%. You just need to be like, well, at least I'm not like that.

Exactly. So you're welcome again, everyone listening. We're day makers, you know. Yeah. Couple of day makers. So I didn't really get a quote, but what we're going to do first, so I'm going to make one up as soon as that time comes. But I want to know, like, how is it to be back home? I heard that you also got kicked out of your apartment. Right into it. Please share.

We did the water in our building. Something happened with the plumbing, so they were like, you guys got to get out of here.

How crazy was it, like, the. How many days were you back home?

I think we're back two days.

Two or three days. Fantastic. Hey, get settled in and you gotta go.

You gotta get out of here right now. Gotta get out. You gotta fix this situation.

But you did get to stay at a beautiful place. Do tell.

That's the perks. I mean, there are some good deals right now for hotels, so you should do a staycation wherever you live. We stayed at the proper hotel for the night and it was very luxurious.

The proper hotel is like bougie. Slash. I felt like I was in Greece. It's rated very much like when you go to, like, Greece and it's like this stuff, stunning aesthetic. Like, you can be the world's worst iPhone picture taker and you're still not going to capture a bad picture.

100%. I have an old iPhone and it still works great.

Yeah. So did you outfit up for it?

I wish, but I was just in leggings because it was later at night.

You know, leggings can look good there too. Leggings in a crop. Crop top, right?

Yep. Good. How's your time being home? I'm sorry, I can't speak.

How is time? Tell me about father time. My time home has been fantastic. Luxury sleep. I'm getting treated with my coffee pot. Like my, you know, just all of the things that feel like home is so, so good. My own bathrobe. Well, I was wearing bathrobes on the road. I got to bring my own. No, it's been awesome. Like, I just feel so, like I'm able to like, catch up and kind of get ahead a little bit. Yeah, it's been amazing. I'm leaving again on Sunday for a few days to go to Chris's mastermind with him. I'm going to be in the RV taking calls again on the road, but I'm going with him because, number one, it's always just like so supportive when your spouse goes. When he goes with me to these events. Number two, I think I'm gonna do a little speaking piece at his event about, like, fundraising and light pink and all of those things. And we'll do like a little tasting and then also. What else? Oh, you know, I hate staying alone. So I'm just not gonna stay here alone.

Me too. It's not fun staying alone.

No, it's really not. I don't know. That's revealed about me that I hate staying alone. Like, I just don't. Here's the thing. I don't sleep. Even when I fall asleep, I wake up and I'm like, it's not the same. So it's just really interrupted sleep. Did you have a quote?

Yeah, I kind of just Googled one, and here it is. It's by nobody, and it's called, you, heart knows things that your mind can't explain.

Your heart knows things your mind can't explain. That is so true, though. That's kind of how I'm feeling about my whole life, because people are just like, yeah, tell me where your rich knowledge comes from. And I'm like, the heart. The heart.

Obviously.

Don't make me explain what I just said if it didn't make sense to you. Talk to your own heart. Consult with your own heart before you consult with mine. I'm buying time right now.

Oh, good. The great thing about hearts is if you hold. Remember in school when you learn about your fist being closed, and you're like, that's my heart.

That is your heart. That's the size. And then you kind of pulse it, and you're like, that's my heart beating. My God. Here we go. Okay, this is the first. The first one that came up is by Lily Pulitzer, and it says, being happy never goes out of style. Okay, why did I choose this? Because it's the first quote that came up second. Let me tell you what I think about this quote. Here's what I think. I think it not only doesn't go out of style, but it's how you become a magnet for all that you desire at all times. At all times. And it's a choice, so it doesn't mean that you bypass and you're like, I'm so happy, even when I'm sad. But what it does mean is that you feel what you feel, and then you choose a better thought. Because those shit dumpster thoughts are not getting you anywhere except for trash. They're just bringing more trash into your life.

Yeah.

Yeah. Until you get paid for collecting your trash, you're not a trash collector.

Exactly.

So do we have a review?

Yes.

I can't wait.

Okay. This is from Unique Pivot. And they say, I never would have known. Hi, Lori. I recently started to listen to your podcast as I am. I am on the road of self improvement. I listened to the podcast of your interview on the Ashley Hand show. I was at the Fitness America show when you won both bikini and figure divisions. Oh, my gosh, Lori. I looked at you and was like, wow, this woman has it all. She must be on cloud nine right now. I was shocked when you mentioned on your interview that you were up in your room by yourself at the moment you realized, holy crap, I missed the whole journey. It was never about the destination. This really inspired me to know more about you. From the outside. You looked like you had it all. Thank you for speaking your truth and using your pain to inspire so many women like me. You are more amazing than I already thought.

Oh, wow. I can't believe you were there. That is so crazy. That is so cool. And that. Okay, tell me. There are so many examples, but this is just another example of how it is. It's pretty much impossible odds. I can't even imagine the percentage of being there and then finding the podcast where I mentioned that that's literally impossible odds. So, anyway, just so cool. I'm glad that you got that message from it and yeah, that's just the coolest. Thank you for your review. Thank you for taking the time to message because that was just frickin awesome. If you email customerservicerieharder.com, we'll send you something really cool. And thank you.

That was awesome. I love that.

Just the best. All right, let's get to our questions because I think we have some pretty, pretty good questions this week.

They're really good. This one's from Andrea Azapka. How do you keep pushing through when you're definitely burnt out, but I have no choice but to show up. Oh, girl.

Oh.

I don't want to normalize burnout because it shouldn't be normal, but I do think there are times when you have to go more extreme. There are times when you have to go all in. There are times when it is going to feel like burnout. There's no other word for should not be your norm. But when you're getting to the next level, that would be like saying, how do I not get winded on this flight of stuff. Stairs going up to this, like, you know, I need to take 10 floors up. How do I not get winded? It's kind of like, well, you're going to get winded, but eventually you're going to reach that place and you're going to have to know when to build in a break. You're going to have to know when to kind of like, step back. And it's going to be crazy because there's always going to be more flights of stairs. You're going to be like, wait, I thought I was at the top. And then you're going to realize you're not. But you have to kind of like build in those breaks. So while I think that burnout is inevitable when you're reaching a goal, and some people will not agree with this, but I have not figured out how to not kind of get to that place of like, damn, I'm totally burnt out and recognizing it and resetting. And I think the reset comes when you recognize your burnout and when you can't go on. So I think something that you need to do is recognize the limitations and when you reach them. So for me, when I'm starting to feel really uninspired because I'm working too hard, or if I haven't done something different, like I'm in the monotonous things for too long and I'm actually not performing well anymore, that's when I'm like, oh, it's going to feel like I don't want to go away for a vacation or a recharge. It's going to feel like I don't have time for a massage or a day where I just, like, I'm off of all technology. It's going to feel that way, but you have to do it because going away actually re energizes and recharges and will make you so much better for the journey ahead. The more often you can do that, the better. So even when I was like doing book tours and writing the book and doing all, like, I was writing like three articles a day. Like, it was nonstop. It was until like 11 o' clock at night. I had days where I was like, okay, every once a week I'm gonna build in four hours where it's just like a massage, meditating, kind of like just resting. No technology. And it felt like I didn't have time to do it, but it's the only thing that kept me going and made me look forward to, like, my little recharge time. So I think that you need to recognize the burnout and how can you build it in and what will make you feel better? But also know that, like, okay, it's a part of it, but how can I support myself around it?

Yeah. And there's so much pressure for us to be like, oh, you have to be. You have to get your business going. You have to be the mom. You have to be the best Friend. You have to be a good partner. You have to be in amazing shape. It's impossible to keep up all those things if you don't. Like, I think sometimes maybe. Or for me, I would feel guilty about taking that time. And you shouldn't, because that's how you're able to be a good person. And you gotta take care of yourself.

Totally. And I mean, if you're feeling that way and you're having trouble being a good friend, a good mom, and a good wife, just be like, I'm not gonna be those things right now. Just kidding. Yeah.

Unless I get all the spa days five times a week, I'm not gonna be able to do those things.

That's what people. I can't mom or wife anymore. So deal with it. Rent a wife. It's so funny because we're like, oh, you know, we want these great relationships, yet at the same time, we'd be willing to totally rent a wife once in a while and be like, I don't care. Look.

You.

Do you take care of the fam. Take care of that guy's needs over there. I'm gonna go and just get a massage all.

Yes, it's important. I would love a massage.

That's a good idea. Oh, God. I have been craving a massage. And I just have to say I think my friend's place is going to be opening soon. Squeeze. You need to go there if it opens really soon. I love to. Yeah. She's amazing. It's like a. Okay. I don't want to compare it to this, but it's like a high end, like, massage envy where you can kind of just go in. It's a spa feel, but you can, like, get in right away and all of those things.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah. And everything is like, this is so cool. Evans, you'll love this. And one might open where you're thinking of going to. So you literally do everything on an app on your phone, right down to the room settings, like, what you want used. So you communicate everything through your phone. So you're literally not even having to go in and talk or anything when you go in. How awesome is that?

So nice, because sometimes you just want to go in there and get under the little thingy and not have to talk at all.

Yep. It's like, no talking. Just touch the bod. All right. And here's where I want it. Here's where I don't. Okay, we're talking about a massage.

Correct.

Because I would love an app for other things as well. Wouldn't we all, wouldn't we all, Wouldn't that be great? Look, don't do that. Don't talk like, don't use that baby voice.

Don't do that to me.

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All right, moving on. What's the next question?

Okay, let's see. This one is from AT Shannon Weinstein. Oh, my gosh, Shannon, are you related to Victor Weinstein, who's my OB gyn? I really love him.

Okay, maybe. You never know.

If so, he's wonderful. Okay. Are there early signs of burnout that can be detected before it gets to total burnout?

Hmm. I mean, yes, I think starting to. I'm really trying to think of myself when I was like, no, I'm good. I can keep going. You'll start saying shit like that. Yeah. You'll be like, okay, this is, you know, this is feeling really hard. Or maybe I'm lacking inspiration or whatever that looks like. You know, I get mine a lot at night when I'm like, dig deeper. You have a little energy. You can finish this. And when I hear myself saying that, I'm like, can this be done in the morning? And can you get a good night's sleep so that you don't start feeling like your days are just all work? So I recognize that I'm like, no, you need at least an hour or two at night to kind of like look forward to and make sure you're recharging a little bit. So I'll try to just like put everything away at a certain time. That can be good. And I get that sometimes in life there isn't that if you have a lot of deadlines all at once and. Yeah. Oh. What I want to say how to negate burnout is to first see where it comes from. And burnout comes from saying yes to everything. So I have started getting so fierce with what I say yes to. There's going to be. I've said no to so many Things that really could help better and further my career or my product or whatever I'm doing. And it's like, you got to say no somewhere, because you're no good, Especially if you are the. You know, the. The heartbeat of your mission or your product or your business. Like, then you're the most important commodity, and you have to protect yourself. So saying no and delegating, that's how you. That is how you prevent burnout.

That's good. That's good stuff.

Well, you know, Evans, you're fueling me. All right, so what are some things? We're going to wrap this up. What are some. Evans? Pearls.

Oh, some pearls.

We should just start a podcast called Evan's Pearls, because you're from the south, and the whole time, and I think when you're 13, you probably got a gift of pearls. Like, I just feel like. I feel like that was probably given to you by an aunt or a grandmother or your mom with a little pair of white gloves. Am I spot on or am I totally off?

Oh, you're spot on. I wish I'd gotten white gloves, though. Dang.

Did you get it? Did you get a lace umbrella? Paris, what are they called?

Parasol. Parasol. I don't know.

I think so. Wait, did you ever wear those white.

Socks that you folded over and that had the little lace on them?

Of course. If you. If you would compare my sock drawer from then to now, mine now looks so boring. Like in the past. It just looked like. I don't know, looks like lace.

So much lace.

Fading. Yeah, mine did, because I went to church three times a week back in the day Till I was 18.

Oh, yeah, those were your church socks. Those.

That's all I wore. I mean, I was a poster child for church socks because we had to. Or pantyhose. And I know we've talked about that before.

Pantyhose are the worst.

I can't tell you how much pantyhose I went through. Like, it was out of control.

And when the.

Oh, no good.

And the crotch falls down in them. Did you, like. You know, when they get loose and it, like, goes down, like.

Cool.

My. Like, I hate the word crotch, but there's no other way to say it.

Where you're. Where the two legs meet. You are not gonna waste that kind of time. Crotch is efficient. Oh, here's another one. You're gonna know this one well. Your clear nail polish is not for your nails.

Absolutely not. It is for runs and your hose.

And you'd put it on while it was on your leg. So when you take it off, like, the nail polish would be stuck to your leg as well. And we thought this was okay. Like, you know what? I'm gonna glue this shit to my body so it doesn't run anymore. So, like, the top of your pantyhose, because it's inevitable, especially if you let your nails grow in the 80s, you're gonna have huge holes. Like, my sister was the worst with this. I was like, get a new pair of pantyhose. And it would just be like, all runs. Let that all go down to the knee. And then maybe the calves were still okay. Do you remember that runs in your pantyhose were your worst nightmare?

Yes. You were always so embarrassed. And I know my mom would be like, seriously, like, you have to take better care of your pantyhose. And it's like, I'm doing the best I can, mom. I'm eight. Like, you know, I am eight years old.

Stand here. The second you move or put these things on.

Eight.

We gotta talk. We gotta talk to our moms about how that traumatized us a little bit.

We do. I mean, my mom was telling me how she would have pears for years because she hand washed and da, da, da, da. I'm like, okay, that's a skill. I don't know.

And you know what? Your mom's probably one of the best moms out there, but we got to have a little trauma session. I mean, you can't tell your 8 year old that these pantyhose are going to last years. I'm never going to live up to that. And I'm always going to feel like I'm not enough.

Exactly.

So we're going to end on that. But we are going to say I think your mom really made up for it. She totally did.

She's the best in a lot of ways.

Yeah. So sending your love today. My mom as well.

Oh, yeah.

Feel totally inadequate. We'll get over it. We'll get over it.

We're working in progress.

We're going to get some therapy on it. Hosiery therapy. All right, until next time, everybody send us your questions. We love you and always remain questionably awesome.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys.

Bye bye.