61: QUICKIE! "COMPARISON", The Fast Track to Unhappiness

Foreign. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there is always time to fit in inspiration and it's so vital that we seek it out and you get your dose every single day. So if I am your daily dose today, Yay. Thank you so much for having me on your journey. It's so exciting. I love hearing about all the people who are like, you went with me on a run the other day or you were with me on this seven hour car ride. So if I am with you or, or putting on your makeup or guys, I don't know, doing your hair. Thank you. How awesome. We get to like hang out together. So I'm gonna open with this quote from Jack Canfield because he is my man. I love him. I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness. No one ever compares themselves to someone else and comes out even nine times out of ten, we compare ourselves to people who are somehow better, better than us and we end up feeling more inadequate. So I love that. I actually remember when I was in one of his training courses, he had mentioned basically this exact quote and he was talking about how when we compare, we're trying to feel significant. So we're trying to feel better then, but a lot of times we tend to focus on what's. What we think is better about them. And we're not seeing all of the things that maybe are negative. Not that we wanna see the negative, but we're not seeing the full story. Right? We're comparing their highlight reel, like everybody always says, comparing their highlight reel to where we are right now. And there's so many different ways that comparison goes. Now. I had something happen to me last week that has just kind of caused this massive ripple effect in the way that I'm thinking in the convers that I've been talking about and starting, and it was something so insignificant. But at the moment it just really hit me pretty hard. So I was doing a Facebook Live. I do Facebook lives every single day. For those of you who don't know that. It's a lot like my podcast, but it's me, no makeup on, have not brushed my hair yet, you're having coffee with me, my voice is not officially even tuned in yet for the day, and I look a little cray cray, so. So the reason that I started those Facebook lives is because I wanted to show people that in order to get anything done, you have to start before you're ready. Because I was waiting to chat with everybody, I wanted to be able to connect every single day because I love. That's just a great soul feeding way for me to connect. I was really feeling called to talking to people every single day and I didn't know what form that was gonna come in. And for me, I thought that being on video or Facebook Live for that matter, I thought that I would have to have my makeup done, my hair done, this great lighting. I'd have to be super, like, I'd like super inspirational. I'd have to have all my bullet points ready. Okay, let's be super honest. I am never gonna be that ready every single day. I mean, I'm lucky if that happens once a week. My poor husband. But for real, it is a goal of mine to get ready at least once a week to see like, oh, I can wear normal clothes, I can do my hair and makeup. But anyhow, that's why I started it, is because in the morning is when I get inspiration. In the morning is when I want to connect. And in the morning is definitely when I am not ready with my hair and makeup on. And I said, you know, this is the perfect timing. So anyhow, you have the picture, no hair, no makeup, looking pretty crazy. And I had a woman on there who commented, she said, wow, you look really rough. Are you okay? And it was obviously said in kind of a spiteful way. And I thought in, in that instant, you know, I go into attack mode and I'm like, ah, does she even get why I'm doing this? It's to make people realize, like they can on here without having to have their hair and makeup done and be dolled up. And I got angry. And then I was like, okay, chill the f out, Lori. Like, you're fine. Forgive this woman. She's probably just obviously it's just an insecurity and hurt people. Hurt people. Okay, good. Okay, I'm calming down. Okay, I'M good. And then I really thought about it, too, because I was more upset about the fact that she had said it on a reel with hundreds of people, right? Hundreds of beautiful, amazing women in the morning with me, who all aren't ready for the day and are all feeling good. And we're all just open to each other and we're all connecting. And I know for a fact this woman had children as well. And in that moment, it hit me so hard that we're all watching each other judge each other. So just by that particular comment, it says that it's not safe to show up to other women or online or in your day or at the grocery store or whatever without having your makeup on or without being fully ready or without your version of thinking that you can get to as perfect as possible, which is not possible. We know that. And I thought all of these comments that people post underneath, it doesn't matter. Let's just use Instagram models, right? Or let's just use these supermodels online, or let's just use these celebrities. Let's. They're people, you guys. They're people. And all of these comments that people put underneath to tear these people down is saying to our children, is saying subconsciously to us, that when we look at another human being, no matter who they are, no matter what body type, that we are meant to measure ourselves against them. And then we write a comment of how we feel or what we think or how they should be or what this is. And it says, it's not safe to show up as who you are. So this went on, and I had some people underneath. Cause I had talked about this topic, right? I had said, okay, I blocked and deleted this woman. Because you know what? I don't want that in my space. And I just want to forgive, and I want to get over it, and I want to talk about it. Because how many times throughout the day am I, you know, I used her as a mirror for me, I was like, okay, what am I doing? Where am I judging in my life? And of course, we're imperfect, so it doesn't matter how enlightened you ever get, you're still a human, right? And judgment is kind of a natural part, especially if we saw it growing up. But we can have that turnaround time be a lot quicker. So with judgment now, it's like, I'll notice that I'm doing it and be like, that's. Who is that robbing? Essentially, it's just robbing me, and it's saying that it's not safe for me to show up in my most authentic version of me because I could be judged, right? Judged against. So if I'm judging, that means that I am being judged. So the faster that we can let go of judgment, the freer we feel to be us. I can tell you that it is my mission right now. I even asked my husband, I was like, if we find that we're judging anyone, I mean, right down to judgin people in traffic or being judgmental of seeing someone do something wrong or seeing someone be annoying or seeing someone, whatever it is, right? That I don't even want to hold an ounce of judgment. If it comes up, I want to say, nope, I want to see this differently. They could be having a rough day, they could be totally frazzled, they could be flustered, right? Because for me, here's fun that I still judge on all the time. When I see people on their phone or see someone playing like Pokemon going by me, I'm like, God, why are they doing, like, what kind of person does that? Like, doesn't even look up from their phone or acknowledge people or ah. Like I get frustrated and they don't know. And it's only robbing me of my joy in that moment. And come on, let's be honest. I've walked around looking at my phone, I haven't played Pokemon, but come on, I've probably done some other things. So what I'm saying is, where can we be more conscious? Where can we be more conscious of letting go of judgment, of forgiving that thought, saying, I wanna see this differently. And the more that we free ourselves, the more that we stop judging, the more that we can catch it, the more free you are, you'll notice it, you'll feel more free to show up authentically. You. And now when people comment and when they say things to me, I just know that they're coming from a totally insecure or different place or fearful place that they just have not yet been able to through. Maybe they've had some really rough experiences. Maybe they've only seen their mom or their dad judged. Maybe they've only been judged their whole life, you know, so it's your job to send them love and just let it be okay. Let it be okay. It only matters unless you let it matter, right? I think of that all the time. It only matters unless you let it matter. So if someone is really getting up in my space, I have the ability to block it out and forgive them and move forward and continuing to do that. If it's coming into your space, right? It's just your beautiful opportunity to learn an even bigger lesson. To grow your love muscle to forgive even faster. Because let me tell you, the person who forgives the fastest in this lifetime wins. The person who forgives the fastest in this lifetime wins. And I know that is what my life's mission is, is how fast can I forgive so that I can move back to the place of love, back to the place where I get all of my energy back. Because when we're holding those judgmental negative thoughts, it sucks the life out of you. It sucks the life out of you. And all of your creative capacity is completely drained. So you guys, you want to have more energy for your goals. You want people to be more drawn to you, more attracted to you. Get rid of those judgmental thoughts. People feel it. People see it. They feel it. You're able to accomplish more. You're happier, you smile more, you're lighter. Everything flows. It's not a blocking energy. So who's going to do this with me? You're going to take this challenge with me. No judgment zone. Try it. Seven days hardcore. Seven hardcore days of no judgment. So when it comes in, you say, ah, I forgive this thought. I want to see it differently. Let me see them how God sees them or how their mom sees them or how someone who loves them sees them. Right? They're human being. And I challenge you to do this. Even with celebrities, supermodels, someone you really don't care for, somebody who drives you crazy and just see how much love you can possibly send there way and stop judging them because it's only robbing you.

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Okay, so you guys, thank you so much for always tuning in and I'm so grateful for you and it would mean the world to me if you share this with your friends. It helps me get the word out. And also I have a 60 day challenge that is starting September 1st and you can enroll through September 15th. It is all about body mindset, community tribe. We do a book club in there. We do meditations, we have hundreds and hundreds of women who are all doing this together. I pop in there. I do live coaching once a month. I have my team in there all the time and I would love for you to check it out and join me. That is@loriharter.com challenge. So it's a beautiful way for you to connect into your tribe and to be in a massive non judgment zone in a place where we all support each other. So I'm sending you guys tons of love. Make today absolutely amazing because we are capable of it. And don't forget how blessed we are because we woke up today. Okay, until next time, everyone earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, it that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.