611. Important Relationship Hacks

We're talking to all of those individuals and what we've created this year for ourselves, you can create for yourselves with a group of friends.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

And we're back. And we're laughing because we just recorded, like, 10 minutes and I didn't hit record.

And before that, we recorded 15 minutes. Just to point that out, we're back with another episode of he said, she said, where we're reframing our attitude about missing the last 20 minutes.

Oh, my God, you guys.

But we're so. We're so excited to be back. And you know what? This is, like, the perfect opportunity to just say, holy shit, you better just choose again because we could both be super pissed right now. We're hungry. Dinner is waiting downstairs.

Yeah, so let's frame it for him. Guys, it's Saturday night. Saturday night. And the reason we're recording, it's like.

7Pm we're hungry, and we're also very excited to be here. So here's the thing, is, like, oh, my God, I'm so glad we have a podcast. Number one. Number two, we have so many exciting things to tell them. Number three, please double check. It's recording right now.

It's recording this time.

Thank God there's no number four.

Chris, you want to know something funny, though?

Yeah.

And not that you are any less important than a guest, and not that I'm any less important than one of your guests, but isn't it better that happened to you and I than when you have, like, a real big guest on and you forget to record? Have you ever done that?

Yes.

It's the worst. It's tragic.

I've literally, like, thought of lying to them. Like, how can I tell them, like, oh, something went wrong, or, like, just turning off zoom and being like, my zoom disconnected. We have to start over. But you have to, like, swallow your pride and be like, I just realized I'm not It's the worst moment ever. And then it's totally fine. They're like, okay, great, let me go into my traumatic childhood story for the second time. Like, that's the worst moment ever.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. So guys, here's what we're going to tell you about tonight. We're going to tell you about probably the most important container that Lori and I have ever built for our lives and our relationship coming up. And there's a very specific reason that Lori and I built this container and there's a very specific set of headwinds that we built it for. And so let me start with this. This is probably the most exciting, proactive container we've ever built. And it's aimed at making sure that we keep our relationship as much of a priority as we do all of our businesses. Look at the facts. The facts are you're aspiring and working your tail off to build a nine figure alcohol company.

It's happening.

I am doubling down on my brand.

And everything that I'm doing, which is so exciting.

We have our hands in lots of other companies. And so it's natural that we're facing a lot of challenges that, by the way, I bet a lot of you who are listening, if you're driven, you face these as well. But challenges like long hours, distractions, something new every day, being too worn out to make your relationship a priority so, you know, you stay in and sit on the couch. Another set of challenges. Yeah, right. Another set of challenges that high performing couples and aspiring high performing couples face is finding each other. Finding other like minded couples to hang out with, to grow with. You know, who understand your crazy drive and your crazy unapologetic, large goals.

Yeah.

Like at the same time it's not wanting to sacrifice a relationship.

Yeah. Like, I'm so sorry, but we're exhausted. Who wants to go hang out with people that we're not sure if we're even a fit for? Because you haven't really been like vetted or do you have the same goals or.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So listen, here's what Lori and I believe and here's why we're building the container that we're about to share with you so you can do it too. We refuse to freaking believe that you have to sacrifice your growth as a couple in exchange for your growth in your businesses. Yes, we refuse to believe that. We know both are possible, but we also know that that's going to require a few things like accountability and a safe space to talk about issues that come up as a couple during the year. And it's going to require experts to shine light on your blind spots or help you avoid pitfalls that you don't even know are coming both in your business and your relationships, quite honestly.

Yeah, it's really easy to think that you don't have anything coming. And it's very easy for both of you to kind of talk yourself out of it and to not pay attention to really important things.

Yep. It's going to require measuring what matters, you know, to each other in a relationship and in your business.

We laughed about. Because we laughed about this on the last one. Measuring. Measuring what matters in your relationship.

Ladies, there's, there's, there must be a perverted joke in there somewhere.

No.

You guys, it's going to require other like minded couples who have been through the same challenges as you and, and who understand what you're facing and they need you as much as you need them. It's going to require networking with big thinkers. And quite honestly, it's going to require a lot of very intentional dates and a lot of very intentional fun and memory making in there as well. And so Laurie and I decided this year we're going to build a really powerful container to make sure all of this happens for ourselves. And we're going to teach you guys how to build that container right now as well. So we're talking to driven couples, we're talking to aspiring, quote, power couples. We're talking to even individuals.

Yes.

Who are like, hey, I'm looking for my guy or I'm looking for my girl. And I know the kind of relationship I want is the one where I build businesses and I build our relationship at an equal pace. We're talking to all of those individuals and what we've created this year for ourselves, you can create for yourselves with a group of friends. So here's basically the container that we're creating for 2021 so that Lori and I can ensure. We're calling this our insurance policy to make sure that we can ensure.

It's what we've always done since we started taking leaps in business.

Yep. So we can ensure what we're doing for that we're growing our relationship in 2021 as much as we are our.

Business and friends and network. Yeah.

Our whole life. Yep. So the first thing is this. We're putting together a really small group of like six high driven, high performance couples that we're just going to lock arms with for all of 2021.

These are like the people that we want to spend time with that we either see adding so much value to our lives or that we see as, like, the next, like, amazing people who are just going to, like, you know, get their business out there and add so much value to the world. Like, we want to be around those people.

Rising stars.

Rising stars and people who are already way out there. Like, we're. We're mixing it all up and putting them all together because there's so much value to be had in that type of, you know, in that type of group where people get together. And Chris and I literally cannot wait to spend time with everyone who's gonna be in this group.

So. So step one for you guys is put this group together.

Yeah.

We're right now looking for and choosing, you know, our six couples that we're going to do it with. And by the way, anywhere from, I'd say three to seven couples, max, that should be.

I think that's perfect.

The group that you lock arms with and you commit to for the whole year. Number two, you need to create a few dates, you know, scattered throughout the year, where all of you are going to be very intentional about doing some cool things together. Now, listen, everyone's at different financial levels. So what we're. What we're putting together is, you know, picture luxury ski towns and expansive adventures and, you know, spa experiences and, you know, great conversations on yachts. That's what we're doing. But that's just because that's what we know. We want to experience this, and that's.

Where we are freaking 11 or 12 or 13 years later of doing this. So if you're, like, in year one and two, don't be like, well, I can't do that. Chris and I did not do that. We did other things like, you know, met with couples for dinner on a bimonthly basis, or, you know, met on zooms on a monthly basis. Or I met with a bunch of girls, like, every other week. Like, things that did not cost money.

Well, that's literally step two of what I was going to teach them to do. Here is the monthly zooms and how to measure what matters on those things. So step one, choose your couples. Promise each other you're going to lock arms. Step two, create whatever level of dates you are at. Maybe it's a big dinner at one of your houses. Quarterly. Oh, nice, right? Maybe it is some kind of really cool picnic. Quarterly. Maybe it is a quick overnight or somewhere. Great. You know, all three, four, five, six of you couples. But step two is create these mandatory dates that you must all show up for that's what we're going to do. And we're doing three of them. Three, four day dates is what we're doing, in case you guys want to totally copy. Step three then, is what Lori just mentioned. And that is you must also meet monthly on Zoom and you must hold each other accountable to measure what matters. And so we've built a scorecard where we're going to be able to measure pieces of our relationship and we're going to be able to measure our financial goals and we're going to be able to measure our business goals, all of us as couples. And once a month we're going to jump on Zoom and we're going to talk about how are the scores trending, are they trending up, are they trending down, what areas need support? And we're even going to celebrate wins, like, hey, look, this area has gotten better for us. And so the scorecard is so important to meet monthly and measure what matters. Now if you guys are all going to start DMing us and be like, oh, could you share your scorecard? Probably, yes. But it's really simple. Don't overthink it. I want you to just think, okay, in our relationship, what should we be measuring as couples, in our business, what should we be measuring? And in our financial goals, what should we be measuring? Boom. That's your scorecard?

Yeah. Like scale of 1 to 10, that's the scorecard?

Yep.

And if you're not at a 10, what would it look like and what would you need to do to get there?

Yeah. And the goal, the goal is to get as many of your scores by the end of the year as close to a 10 as possible, but not all of them because we know that nothing will be perfect or perfect in life. So the goal is really just increase your scores month after month, hold each other accountable to increasing your scores and talking about the areas where there's gaps.

So can we talk about how we built ours though, for where we're at right now? So I don't want to not include certain people who maybe aren't where we're at, but I always think it's important to talk about exciting where we are now able to be. Because like, if I was Talking to my 30 year old self right now, I'd be like, holy shit, Lori, look at what you've created right now through, you know, the last 10 years of what you've done, like, and who you're attracting. So I want to talk about that because you have to remember, like, we attract where we're at. So this year, Chris and I have decided that we want to spend time with the people that we see kind of as these next rising stars who are already doing freaking amazing things. I don't even want to say rising stars. They're already stars, like, and some of the people that are coming in are, like, they have exceeded us in certain arenas times 10. So I don't even want to say next rising stars. I want to say Chris and I are in a place where we want to attract people who are, you know, going to expand us and who we can also help expand.

Yeah. And so you got to choose people wisely.

Choose wisely.

And we're choosing, like, people that are on the absolute fast track, crushing it in life. And we've got a few chosen, and we're actually still searching for those other perfect couple of couples.

And I just want to say, like, if people aren't chosen for this, it's simply because we only have six spots. And because sometimes when you, hey, we have been in places where we were not ready yet, and it's kind of like we don't want to select people who aren't currently completely ready for what is coming and who can go along for the ride of what. What is coming. Because this is going to be beautiful, fun, freaking amazing, and really intense.

Okay, so just in the best way, describe the three experiences so other people can kind of copy it in their version.

Okay, so one of our experience is going to be something wintry, whatever that is.

Luxury ski town.

Luxury ski town. Snowboarding, you're skiing, tobogganing. If you don't ski or snowboard, we are going to have people sign up for a lesson. So that's what it's going to look like. And I'm just going to say, like, if you don't do the thing, you have to be open and willing to let go of everything and actually go and learn.

Hence learning something new as a couple.

Hence learning something new as a couple, being super patient and just being like, here we are. Because let me just tell you something. Hey, Chris, what brings out, like, what is going to make you either bond quicker or argue quicker than one of you not knowing how to snowboard or ski? And the other one.

Well, so there's truth to this. You used to bring up this one book, how to cheat on yourself with or how to cheat on your spouse with your spouse or something like that.

How to cheat on your husband with your husband.

Yeah, right. And what they say in there, learning new things together makes you show up as brand new. Different people, right? And so learn. That's the importance of learning new things together. So anyhow, us personally, we know how to snowboard, but we're going to bring other couples along that may or may not know how to ski, may or may not know how to snowboard. And if they don't, we're going to get them lessons, because that's one of the benefits is they need to learn something new together.

And you didn't know how to snowboard when we went snowboarding the first time.

It was a shit show.

It was a shit show. It was a nightmare. And you know what? This might be the same for some of these couples. It might be the hardest thing that they've ever done together because they're arguing. Well, probably not even close, but it will be tough. And.

And that's also great.

Like, they're going to learn and grow together. So that's just one example. Then there's going to be people who totally know, and it's going to be a great experience for them. Um, but the thing is, we're trying to do adventures and expansive exercises and different things like that to really get people outside of their comfort zone while also having the best time of their life. We're going to bring in people. So let's say we're at this incredible, you know, luxury ski, snowboard experience spa, you know, treatments, different things like that. And also bringing in celebrity couples experts or celebrity couples or a celebrity business person, pretty much. I think we're thinking of, like, one at each retreat to be able to come in along with maybe some other experts, to be able to share different things and put them through experiences that are going to be needed out in the real world of building businesses and life.

And so, guys, if you're listening along, what is going to be your version of this? If you're not coming to ours, but you're putting this together for yourself, you can reach out to people, you know, that are experts in communication or experts in growing together, experts in being a couple. You know, there's people at every level at your disposal that you're able to invite in and say, hey, I've got this great group of people. Would you ever come run an exercise for us? It doesn't have to always be celebrity experts. It's just.

No, not at all. Yeah, that's just. That's what we are going for at this time, because that's what you and I are craving as well.

You talked about the ski town one. What are the other two experiences?

Well, we have one that is going to be at our house and freaking amazing.

Four days at our home. I can't say where we're moving yet.

At our home. It could be, you know, this is just. This is not planned. So I don't want to say anything. This is. These are just ideas all in the air. But I'd really love some people in the morning to either do some form of amazing yoga or breath work. I'd love to be able to go like razors out in the desert. Desert and just like have the best time, like racing different cars and razors and things like that. I'd love somebody to come in and do some amazing couples therapy and just putting us through exercises that might be uncomfortable together, where we really have to confront some different trigger points of how we have conversation together. Maybe some things that really trigger us and in our relationship. I'd love to be guided through that. I'd love to have some really intimate dinners with other couples where we just have really deep, facilitated conversation.

Couples cooking lessons.

Oh, yeah. At our house is definitely couples cooking lessons. Whether it's sushi or pasta making or whatever that looks like. But it's gonna be amazing.

Guys, I hope that you're listening because if we're doing a four day experience at our house, that means you could be doing these experiences at your home too, with your. With the couples that you're doing this with.

Yes.

Right. So we're going to make a special at our level. You just make a special at your level.

Right. One other couple, two other couples, like just commit to it.

Yep. And then what's the third experience we're going to build for ourselves?

Third experience is probably going to be we're not attached to this experience. We're going to see how the next couple months unfold and what sounds really good and juicy to us and see what happens as we see the people coming in, which we already see a couple of the people coming in. But we're thinking something on the ocean where we have something with boat. I'm obsessed with boats and yachts.

I think great conversations on yachts is awesome.

Great conversations on yachts. Really amazing beach experiences. Sunsets. Ooh, that would be the fun one where we talked about with the beach things where what do I love to do with tug of war and all of those things. Or obstacle courses.

Oh, like ropes courses?

Yeah, something like that. One morning would be so much fun to get couples to kind of really see what it's like to do teamwork in a physical way. That would be so much fun. And none of this is like locked down. These are all different ideas. By the way, I also thought about trapeze couples.

Trapeze lessons?

Yes.

Like if you have fear around it, get past the fear.

Yes, I guess.

So what would your versions of this be? If you're not coming along on ours, they could be beach picnics. They don't live on a beach. It could be park picnics. Like there's always a version at every level that you're at. The point is make these things special. So everybody looks forward to them.

Yeah.

And make sure they have growth experiences mixed into them as well, right?

Yes. So exciting. I literally can't wait. And I can't wait for everybody who's listening because like I said, this is the 11th or 12th year vision for Chris and I. The one to two year vision was you and I would just go to dinners, we would schedule them in our calendar and commit to different people. And I think that's so important.

Yep. So I'll repeat the containers that you guys can recreate this for yourself. Step one, choose three to seven couples, max, that includes yourself, and commit to each other for the entire year. High level driven couples that you know that challenge you and that you'll challenge as well. Then step two is commit to a certain number of meetups where you call them dates and they're as self developmental as they are fun, where you're creating new memories. Step three is you gotta meet monthly on Zoom and you must measure what matters. Build a scorecard of what you guys all want to measure and share your scores. Are they going up? Are they going down? Where can you help each other? Step four, bring in some outside experts. Whoever you have at your disposal at your level, bring in some outside experts like we are and commit to this container for one year. I promise it'll help you make your relationship as much of a priority for the upcoming year as it does your business. Because it's so crazy. It's easier to wake up every day and grind away at your business instead of waking up every day and grinding away at making your relationship happy, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

Now we have probably half of our spots kind of filled and we're open to the idea that there might be some cool couples that we have yet to meet.

Yeah. So if you're open to a. Depending on where you are in your careers, if you guys are really high performance couple, if you are into three incredible luxury experience with celebrity speakers, obviously a very high end experience, we would love to just at least get to know you. So this is the first week that we started this. It won't even be a week since we launched it. Hopefully there is still spots left but if that is you definitely DM us and let us know. So you can DM me at Lori Harder or at Chrisharder.

You can actually text me. If you just text me the word couples to three one zero yeah forget DM me. 421-0416 Again just text me the word couples to 310-421-0416 that'll start the conversation. Maybe we take it to Zoom and then we'll see if it's a good fit.

Yep.

And if not, guys, I want you to choose your own couples and I want you to build these containers for 2021 because I'm telling you what you focus on grows. And we all wake up every day. Remember to focus on our business, remember to focus on making money. And sometimes we put that relationship on the back burner and I don't want that for you guys.

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So also we you have something though. If you're a single and if you're somebody who is maybe just growing and has a partner, you have another thing. Do you want to share that? Yeah, the 15%.

Oh sweet. The income.

Yeah.

Accelerator for 2021. Totally different than growing yourselves as couples. But I am putting together another special container. It's the most hands on container that we have ever, ever done. And it's a basically a done with you workshop for three days plus a one on one strategy session with myself ahead of time to get you ready for the workshop. And then ongoing support. It ends up being six months of support where we promise that you will grow your income in 2021 compared to 2020 by more than twice what you invest in us or we give your money back.

Oh my God. That's crazy.

So if you have an online business for anyone who's gonna sell anything online, if you have an online business and you want to be one of the 15 that we literally go completely hands on, we're talking about building your sales page, building your Facebook ads, building all these things with.

That's insane.

Yeah.

I wish this existed. Oh my God. I wish this would have existed for me like six to eight years ago. Like, holy shit. This would have been mind blowing. So you guys, like here's the thing about whenever we have done something like this because we have in the past, it's literally changed business for people. Like changed their entire business and accelerated their income. So I'm so excited for you to do this.

Yeah. So if you want to join that one, text 2021, like the year 2021 to me again at 310-421-0416. So guys, whether you're looking to join us and lock arms for the year as one of the few couples that we are going to grow with, or whether you want us to just go hands on and grow your business, either way, reach out. Don't be afraid to ask. And if you can't do it at our level, recreate these things for yourself.

Amen. Absolutely. You guys, we're so grateful for you as always. Whether you're going to join one of our two amazing containers for the year, please let us know what your biggest takeaway was from this so that we can reshape, share your story and see who we're talking to.

Love it. All right guys, appreciate you as always. Thanks for listening.

Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.

Sam.