619. How We Are Upper-Limiting Ourselves

The limiting worth or the fear is still there in the beginning, but now it's down to just a matter of hours, if not minutes, that all of a sudden we feel, oh, nevermind, we're all on the same level. We all have some positives, we all have some weaknesses. And the more you get around individuals like that, the more you realize we're all the same. Someone else might just been in the game longer.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junk lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. And we're back with another episode of he said, she said. It's going to be a great day. Do you know why?

Why?

Because we are choosing to make it one. And that's just about it. That's just about the key to every day. I don't know.

Simple.

I think that every single morning we have an opportunity to get frantic and pissed off. What do you think?

Well, number one, it's seven something in the morning and I'm still drinking my coffee. Number two, I don't think anything this morning was frantic and pissed off.

No, that's not, that's not what I'm saying.

Oh. I was like, what did I miss?

No, I'm saying, like, every morning we really do have an opportunity to choose because there's a. We have a lot on our plates and everybody else does as well. Like, we're not like, oh, my God, I'm so, you know, I'm such a damsel in distress. I have so much on my plate this week. Everyone should feel bad for me and everyone is not as stressed as I am. It's really easy to go there, don't you think?

I think everyone thinks that about themselves. Yes.

Yes. Okay. We're in agreeance. But with that said, I think that what I want to focus on first is just that every single day. You and I have been doing a really good job of reframing because we have a lot going on. We have a move coming up. We have a big event this week. We have a lot happening. And I'm just really in this place of deep gratitude for the busyness instead of overwhelm. And that's a clear choice because I was choosing overwhelm even just like a few short weeks ago.

We really have been on a really good streak, like doing all the right things. And I think doing all those right things make it easier to reframe, make it easier to see the positive side of things.

So we're, what we're going to talk about today is where you limit yourself. But this conversation actually goes right into it because I do think I was upper limiting myself, like they talk about in the Big Leap by not supporting myself around the big things. So we've been, you know, really good about choosing to support ourselves around those things.

I've read that book years ago. Matter of fact, when I read 30 books in 30 days, I read it. And you've been reading it on the couch next to me every morning. And like 10 times per morning you're like, oh, my gosh. I think this is related to this. Oh, my gosh. Okay. I think we're upper limiting by doing this. So why don't you. I'm starting to get the impression, by the way, if you're listening right now, we don't know what we're talking about most of the time. We just kind of get on here and whatever's real for us is. Is what's real for us. And where I think she's trying to take this is I think you want to talk about some of the things in a Big Leap that you're learning. Right?

That's what we talked about. So here, here's a couple questions that you can ask yourself. And let me give you a concept around this. I talked about it on my quickie. Let me give you an idea of what it is. So upper limiting is where you are stopping yourself from going to your next level. And it comes in the craziest ways that you are external, but it's not, it's actually like as you go to your next levels, and I've been talking about this, like I said a lot on the quickie, on my quickies, as you go to your next levels. It's. It's just that the things that were stopping you before, like the same limiting beliefs are just going to get disguised into fancier outfits as you grow and level up. And you're going to start to think like, this is it. This is the top for me and I can't move on from here. And if you don't move on. What's going to happen is your life is going to start to. You're going to start to feel either anxious, depressed, really tired, stuck, not sure, like, what's wrong with you. Maybe it's going to manifest in your health and sickness and you sabotaging relationships that appear like it's the other person and it's always you. And here's the thing, is that some of you are like, no, no, it's not always me. Yes, there is always a way to take full ownership over it. And it doesn't mean that you're going to fix the relationship. It means you're going to move on from it or you're going to create a path that is going to be successful for you outside of whatever is happening.

Yeah, you know, I agree with that. I teach that all the time. If you're willing to go far enough back, you can always see the point where you became radically responsible for the outcome that you're experiencing right now.

Oh, my God.

And most people aren't willing to go back objectively and look for it. But there's so much power in doing that because you can say, okay, if I put myself here, even though it kind of pisses me off a little bit, at least I know I have the power to put myself anywhere else.

Yep.

So there's actually a blessing that comes along with this sense of, whoa, 100% radical responsibility. I see now where I became responsible for this outcome. Therefore, I can be responsible for any outcome.

You know, And I think as you start hanging around people who are really leveled up and as we have been really leveling up, I have trouble spending spending any time with people who don't take radical responsibility. Like, it's not that we can't talk about the fact that we feel blocked, but you talk about it with the idea of, where am I blocking myself? And then, absolutely, we'll talk about figuring out a solution for how to get out of your own way. But I'm not gonna pretend to talk about a solution around something that you're trying to blame on something else. Well, this is because I don't have the support of my partner. This is because I don't have the education. This is because I don't have X, Y, and Z. So those are the things that are off the T when you start leveling up. And it's, where am I going to grow or overcome this thing so that I can get to where I want to be? So there's some questions that you can ask yourself so here's what I'm going to ask you, Chris. We're going to use this as an example so people can know where we can start to know where it is that we're either blocking ourselves or how we're not going to the next level or even thinking what that could look like for us. Are you ready?

No. But I guess I have to be.

Yeah.

Okay. I wish you guys could see this. She's looking at me with, like, this kind of the smirk, like I'm about to ask you a bunch of questions. You don't know what they are. Oh, God, here we go again.

Okay, so where. When? What are you doing in your life? I know.

Not right now.

Disgusting. Does anybody else have someone who picks their toes in their life?

Like, I already failed the first question.

Oh, my God. You know what? I think you have a piece of kale from last night in your teeth right now.

That's impossible. I brushed my teeth last night.

Well, it came.

Maybe it worked its way down.

Okay, so moving on. Where in your life are you at your best? What are you doing when, like, all things are flowing and you just feel like you could be in this place for hours without realizing the time is going by? What is it exactly that you're doing when you feel you are at your best?

This is tough because my mind goes two ways. It goes. Do you mean in business, when am I at my best? Or do you mean in just life in general?

When I'm at my best, it's usually they both coincide with each other. So let's see. So go for business first.

All right, I'm winging it out. Know what the hell you're looking for here. So I'm at my best when I have a day that has space in it. But I also have a couple of people I'm talking to, one on one or a group that I'm fielding questions from as my work for the day. Like my. I'm at my best if I have two calls, let's say one, one on one coaching call, one group coaching call, where I'm fielding business questions. And the rest of the time, I have space to read and take care of myself and spend time with you and get tons of exercise in. That's when I'm at my best.

Okay? So with that said, and these are things, you guys, there will always be an upper limiting problem. So with Chris, I can kind of see right now that he is upper limiting himself a bit by hacking.

What are you talking about?

By packing your schedule.

Ah, okay. Yes.

And because you don't get to be at your best every day because you're stopping yourself by packing your schedule, which is resulting in, just like he says in the book, probably frustration, anxiety, not taking your care of yourself the way that you could so that you're not at your best. And a lot of times this can come from, you know, addiction of just like being busy all the time so we can be addicted to that and think like, oh my God, what am I doing if I'm not doing this? Like, who am I to like, just spend all of this time in one place or this place of being my best self? Sometimes we can feel like, wow, this maybe, maybe this is not enough. Maybe I need to be packing my schedule. It can come from a place of fear or lack around who knows what, could be anything. It can come from pretty much just like believing, like I said, like, you're not enough or whatever that looks like, just packing that schedule. Does that make sense?

No, it makes great sense because I do, I pack my schedule all the time and then what do I get pissed off over that? I have a packed schedule, right?

So that's an upper limiting problem just for everybody to hear. Like, it's such a great example because we all do it. Like, we fill our schedules so much, whether it's with business or social activities, and then we're like, oh my God, I have no time for X. A lot of times it's stopping us. Or we're saying, I have no time for X because we're actually afraid of X. Like we're afraid of going all in because it might be a pivot. We might think it's more work. Like, I've been afraid of certain things.

Because I'm like, it seems like a lot of work.

It seems like it might be way more work when technically, if you're doing it correctly and kind of delegating and doing all those things where you are just making sure that your life for the next year or two years is set up so that you spend time in that zone of genius. So you guys, it's not going to happen overnight. What I want to point out is if Chris wanted right now to be at his best all the time, it would take a good, like probably three to six month process for you. And you've been doing this a long time. So for other people, like a year or two or three to get to the next level, like truly be in your zone of, of genius. But for you, if you started right now, you'd probably be there in about six Months where you're like, okay, I'm only starting to create my world around this. What does that mean? What would need to go what. What things and programs would actually need to be at a higher ticket price so that I could then have less people, you know, always in my world? And what would that look like for me emotionally and internally?

Wow. Let me tell you what's coming up for me right now when you say that I pack my day because I have a lot of people in our audience that I love to help.

Yes.

And I've got a pretty high ticket price, I guess if you compare it to the general public, like my one on one coaching or my, you know, any kind of programs that you invest in with us. But if I raised it to where I really wanted to raise it to so that I only had to do a couple per day and have more space, my fear that comes up right away is, well, then I can't help very many people because there's very few people that can actually afford where I would raise it to. But then when I say that, I realize the dumbest thing about that statement is by me doing that, it then trains somebody at the highest level who can then go work with people the next level down. And working with people the next level down, that's training those individuals to go work with others the next level down from them. And it's actually creating space for the up and coming business coaches to be able to raise their rates and help somebody, you know, one or two levels that are behind them. And so if anything, I'm kind of stalling the whole world by continuing to pack my schedule at a super respectable. But nowhere near if I was really playing, you know, magic idea time, nowhere near where I would actually want to charge it. Just have a couple of appointments per day.

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Let me turn this back on you. I don't know how I became the subject. When are you at your best?

I'm at my best when I am enrolling people into a vision and sharing with how they can get to this next level. So for me, I am at my best when I am breathing life into people around, like, bringing the best out of them and connecting other people who are, like, connecting people. That's why I'm at my best.

All right, so where are you not living up to that.

Right now? It's really interesting because there are things that I know that I have to be doing in this company, so it's kind of like this temporary. Like, I know where I have to be. I actually feel pretty open to my. To my zone of genius, and I am trying now from here on out to do things that only keep me in that zone of genius and not to do things that don't. So I think for right now, I am kind of upper limiting myself, though, around. Not. I know where I'm upper limiting myself around the. The. Some of the people that I want to reach out to. I'm telling myself that maybe I'm not there yet or they won't be interested in me.

I hear that, and I think that's impossible because. Only because you and I know, like, all the people you talked to this past week.

Yeah.

That are joining you in light pink. And I think, how in the world can you think that you don't want to reach out to somebody because the people that you're already collaborating with are, like, the top of the top.

Yeah. I've had a lot of worse things come up around this. It's interesting because I've been like, okay, I'm just gonna go for it, and I'll reach out to a bunch of people. And, you know, I'm like, oh, well, I know they'd be in because they also love this. But I don't know about this one, because maybe I'm not enough in this area, or maybe I haven't done this yet or I don't have this proof of sales yet or whatever that looks like. So I'm upper limiting myself in who I want to connect with because I am at my best when I'm connecting. And my. I know that my next level right now is to connect with this next level of people who feel a bit out of reach for me, and that's where I'm limiting myself. I'll watch it and be like, I'll do it tomorrow. I'm not sure yet. I don't know what to say. Or this person needs to come in first so that I can then, you know, have kind of, oh, this person's in here. And I can now reach out to this person. Like, I'm. I'm hesitating a bit.

Do you know where I'm actually seeing people do that to themselves? We've been getting a lot of people say, hey, I'm interested in this couple's experience, this container that you put together.

Oh, yeah.

And they'll literally start their email or their DM with, I'm totally not at your level. I feel like I shouldn't even be reaching out. But I'm interested in hearing about your couple's experience or your couple's container that you're putting together this year. And the very fact that they're leading with that shows that they have those same worth things that are coming up for you right now. And everyone always has them. That always comes up. So this is not like setting the expectation that one day your worth issues go away.

Right?

But I see people doing that.

So it's interesting because you're like, what we're doing is we're trying to ease the pain of rejection, and we're actually expecting rejection. So when I actually, when I read emails like that, and believe me, I want to send the same exact email, trust me, I've written out the same email to these people that I'm reaching out to, and now I don't do that at all. Now I view it as like a, hey, this is a sales pitch. This is like, this is life. Like, when you go on a date, you're not like, you know what? Here's what I want to tell you. I kind of, like, really suck at throwing my stuff in the laundry basket. Here's where I'm going to fail you. Here's where I'm going to. You're kind of selling yourself. And you're not selling yourself in a way that you're saying you're perfect, but you are going to sell your best traits, right? You're going to show up your best. And I think that when I'm reaching out to people, it's an important time to brag. Don't. I'm saying a healthy brag, right? It's an important time to say what you've done. It's an important time to get people enrolled. Are you enrolling people in? Why you should be a part of that or not? Like, I had an investor who was like, you know, I'm not sure if this is the right investment for me right now. Just with her investing goals and what type of business she was looking to invest in. And I was like, you know, I kind of backed down a bit. And I was like, okay, well you know, just can I have you for questions like can you be in my life in this way? And she was like, this is what she said to me, Lori, right now you should be pitching me again as to why I should invest.

Interesting.

And I was like, oh, there you are backing down. And I was backing down because she just told me like, I don't think this is for me. And I was like, oh, I knew it, right? Because she was up on this list that I put on this pedestal of people that I had already counted myself out on. But I was gonna go for it.

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Yeah, you know, it's interesting, you said this list of people you put on a pedestal. The more and more that you and I quickly meet, let's say famous people and also famous entrepreneurs, all this other stuff, it's amazing how quickly that feeling goes away. So in other words, the limiting worth or the fear is still there in the beginning, but. But now it's down to just a matter of hours, if not minutes, that all of a sudden we feel, oh, never mind. We're all on the same level. We all have some positives, we all have some weaknesses. And the more you get around individuals like that, the more you realize we're all the same. Someone else might just been in the game longer.

Exactly. And it's so funny because all of my past personal development beliefs are kicking in saying you don't put people on a pedestal. That's where you limit yourself. That's a huge problem to do that. Okay. We all do it though. We all like categorize, judge, sum up people and think like I'm, they're better, they did this, whatever that is. And it's kind of, it's. I don't think it's ever going to go away. I think the acknowledgement of it is the first step to Going away. Right? Just like any problem, acknowledge what it is and then notice it and then fix it. So as I'm emailing now, it's kind of like, hey, I have the most exciting thing for you, blah, blah, blah. So when you're emailing for the couples thing or for someone else's thing, it's kind of like bring your best foot forward. What is great? Why do you want to do this? Like, acknowledge where you're at and then say, this is where I see myself though. So that's really cool because that's an upper limiting problem. Through email where we can now see how our communication can actually be counting us out and people who have gone to that next level will see it right away. So it's kind of like, where am I stopping myself even without realizing it? Because I think I'm being humble, right? Like that being humbleness can actually be stopping you from getting to where you want to go. Because it's not a time to be humble humble when you want to get in something.

No, I couldn't agree more. So speaking of getting in something, we have one spot left as we record this and these with this particular episode usually comes out like with a week lag time. So no guarantees that there will be a spot available. But as of right now, we have one spot left for our really high end couples experience because we have been very carefully making sure that we have the perfect personality fits for the group that's already joined. So the couples have already joined. Oh, my God. So incredible. So high level. So excited to just like lift the curtain and grow together as entrepreneurial business couples. And we're looking for that one more couple to grab that last spot.

Yes, Chris. So how can they sign up? How can they find us?

Easy. Get the conversation started by texting couple. Sorry, couples. By texting couples to me at 310-421-0416.

Amazing. You guys were so excited and. And there may be a spot open. There may not be.

I'm not sure.

Like Chris said, this is always a weak leg time. A week lag time. Right.

Leg time. Yep.

It just sounded like it wasn't actually a sentence when I said it out loud.

It sounded like a weak leg time. Yeah, we've got one bunk leg.

Right. We're good though, so we're solid. But you guys, we are so excited that hopefully it will be one of you that we'll be moving through this next year with and growing and reaching our crazy goals altogether because we know it's so important to have that support of other people. We cannot do anything alone. Chris and I literally reach out to people on a daily and weekly basis for help because this is not a thing that you want to bang your head against the wall and do alone, especially support in your relationship and your monetary goals. And that's really what we're. What we're going to reach is really being unapologetic about where we want to go because we know that when we reach those things, just like we said, it helps all of the other people.

Every other couple joined because they said I don't have other high performance couples where I can talk about my problems freely without feeling like I'm being judged. Let's be honest, we talk about problems where the bulk majority of people might say something like, oh, you poor thing, I wish I had problems like that. And while on the surface I absolutely acknowledge that, I'll tell you, it can make you very lonely and you've got no one to turn to if you have people that won't acknowledge what your level of problems are.

Right.

And so that's what the number one response that we've been getting from everyone joining is. You know, I've got a lot of things that are challenging in my life that I feel like I can't get any help with publicly. And this has totally saved my upcoming year of 2021 for us as business high performance couples.

Yes. So you guys make sure you text.

Chris, what's the number couples text word couples to me at 310-421-0416.

All right, guys, we are so grateful for you share your biggest takeaway. I'd really like to know where you feel like maybe you've upper limited yourself or maybe you had an aha moment during this podcast. Again, if you want to get that book, it's called the big leap by Gay Hendricks. It's one of my favorite books. Third time through reading it. I will probably read it again in just a little bit. So until next time, everyone, I don't know, be amazing.

Thanks for listening guys.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye Bye.