624. Q+A: Confidence

People are waiting for things to, like, get better.

Yeah.

And you have to come to a place where today could actually be the peak. Like, today could be as good as it's going to get. So what would you do? Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and earn unapologetically. Rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show Evans, where today is your big birthday. It is. It's a big birthday because it's just another birthday. And whenever we can make it to a birthday, it's a big day.

It's my 50th birthday.

I want your surgeon. Literally. Give me your surgeon. Text me their number.

Okay.

Do you think we'll have that conversation one day? Like, who's gonna go under the knife first? And like, let's, I don't know, let's find out how this facelift goes. And I'll be like, you know, I wanna look like I'm consistently sticking my head out the window at about 30 miles per hour. And so sometimes it's like some people get like the 60 mile per hour look. Yeah, but the thing is, sometimes you want to do that look because what happens is it'll last longer. So on year one or two, it's kind of like it chains down to 30 miles per hour and then you'll be happy with your results. Are you willing to look crazy for the first year?

Yes. The answer is yes, I am. And I will be contacting you about my surgeon. I'm. Listen, you got to do what you want to do.

I couldn't agree more. And to be honest with you, now is a great time because you can wear a mask.

So this is the time to get your surgeries done. People.

You know what this, this podcast people are like, isn't this supposed to be about happiness? We're not encouraging nor discouraging surgery. Do you, do you? Okay, that's the theme of questionably awesome is having a sense of humor and doing whatever the hell you want with your face. So.

It'S exactly that.

Back to your birthday. So is there anything like anything feel different? Anything that you're like, okay, this is awakening this for me. Awakening the giant within. What is going on?

Well, I was listening to Oprah's book a little yesterday on while driving. You know what's the one that's kind of like devotional?

Oh, her second one, right?

Yes.

I can't remember, but I know which one.

You know which one she was talking about God whispers. And I was thinking today, I was like, wow, I think there have been a lot of whispers and slash like yells slash throwing things and stuff from God. And I've really been ignoring them.

Yeah, totally. I love talking about that topic. Cause I spent most of my life in that place of which I feel like people don't believe, but they didn't know me before I turned 30. It was just like I just kept getting hit in the head with two by fours. Cause I was ignoring everything, especially right down to people that I hung out with. Not awesome people. So it's kind of like, yeah, you get those whispers and then you get the nudges and then you get the two by fours and then you get the elephants. So.

So, oh yeah, elephants are here and I really wanna go with them.

Well, yeah, right off in the sunset and listen to the whispers first. So I don't know where I'm going with that, but. So you feel like you're getting the whispers of just like. Okay, what's here? Are you translating any of the whispers?

I think I've started translating the whispers just this morning. And you know, how have you ever. I feel like everyone can relate to something that's made your body feel really stressful and you just feel like tight and terrible. I think the whole world kind of feels like that right now. But it can be. It doesn't have to be that way. That's the thing. Like, life doesn't have to feel that way.

No, it doesn't. And I feel like they are messages. And it's like even when things are really challenging in the world, you still can control your household. And when I say control, you can reset, you can work on it. You can decide what your day is gonna be like. Because you know, we don't know. And I think that we've talked about this before, but Chris and I say it all the time. Like people are waiting for things to like get to get better. And you have to come to a place where today could actually be the peak. Like today could be as good as it's going to get. So what would you do if you knew today was gonna be as good as it's gonna get? Like, would you savor all of the little things and all of the people in your life? You know, because you don't know. Tomorrow you could wake up and you could have thought today was the worst day ever, right? Like, we could be, like, so upset about, you know, the election and what's going on in the world, and tomorrow you could wake up and someone that you love could pass away. And not to bring it to a dark place, but that is called life. And it's like, wow, I wish I really would have savored yesterday when I could have just turned off the television and told my loved ones what I thought about them and cooked a good meal together or done something around the house, you know, decorated for the holidays or whatever. So that's a big perspective shift that we have had this year is just like, what if right now is as good as it gets? Like, what can we savor today that we don't know if it will be there tomorrow? And you don't know in this ever changing?

Such a good message.

So you're 35 today. I'm celebrating you because that is, like, we are so grateful that you are on the planet because I've laughed probably a million times more in my life with having you in it, and laughing is my favorite. So today, you are the gift on your birthday. Oh, my gosh.

Everyone should come on your podcast on their birthdays. I feel so ready for the year.

What if I don't like them? Then it's going to be, like, a bad birthday because they'll be like, I feel like what you're saying is not authentic. And I'm like, no, I mean, like, eyebrows are totally cousins. They're in the same family, so. But I think that's what you want, right? You want cousins, not twins for eyebrows.

Yeah. I think you do want cousins. I don't know. I'm not good at the eyebrows.

I don't know. Huh. That's why I intentionally shave one of them so that they're not the same. I'm not good with the eyebrows either. Like, people. Sometimes when people ask me what skincare I use, they're like, oh, you're glowing. What skincare do you use? And I'm like, it's a filter. Like, let me show you. And I use dial. Like, it's not. You're not going to want to do what I do. I.

Okay, can I just say, I know we are off track Right now. But the fact that you use dial was one of the most shocking things. I was like, there's no way that Lori uses dial. She uses dial.

She does, y'. All. She uses dial. And it's. I don't know why. Like, you can't teach this old dog new tricks around skincare. You literally can't. People have tried through the years. Like, they're just like. They try with me, too. They're like, no, no, you should really do this. Like, my skin. Even though the woman that I go to for, like, laser. Cause I go, I'll go get laser for my sunspots. And she's like, I really need to use this. And it sits in my drawer. So I no longer buy expensive things because filters, you know. Yeah, you don't need it.

Just do a filter.

Oh, my gosh. If you're feeling bad about your skin, throw a filter on and go say some mantras in the mirror, you know? Totally goes against, like, my whole show right now. But that's okay.

We're just in jest. We're saying it in jest.

It's called, like. I don't know what it's called. What is it called when you have two totally different references of life?

Oh, your alter ego.

I don't think that's what I'm going.

For.

But kind of like when it's contrasting beliefs. Evans, why don't you know what I'm thinking?

I don't know what I'm thinking.

I liked alter ego, but I think my brain was trying to think of something. I don't know what I'm trying to think of. Okay, do you have a quote?

Yes.

On your birthday?

I have a birthday quote. It's from Oprah.

You have a birthday quote, or is it a quote on your birthday?

It's a quote on my birthday.

Okay, let's hear it.

The only time I've ever made mistakes is when I didn't listen. So what I know is God is love, and God is life. And your life is always speaking to you first in whispers. It's subtle, those whispers.

Oh, okay. I see. I see what you got going on. I'm not gonna say a word. I'm gonna let God do the whispering. Okay.

Okay.

So I feel like if I listened to this podcast, I would legitimately hate my voice right now, talking to you and telling you what to do about your life. So let's move into my quote, which I'm deciding between what quote I should read.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

There's a lot of good quotes. And again, it's from the book that I won't let go. The big leap. Yep. We're going to talk about it for the rest of my life. Good. Okay, let's see. Oh, I think I read this one. Literally, give me one second. Because I lost it. So that's okay.

I'm sure you're going to find a really good quote. And everyone remember that God whispers, or the universe whispers. Whatever you believe, whispers.

They're whispers. And then they change, right? Because first. First, God's like, hey, tap, tap, tap. Wouldn't you. Don't you think that this feels more like your life purpose? And you're like, no, that seems scary. And then God's like, nudge, nudge, nudge. Like, what about this? Doesn't this feel more like you? And you're like, hell, no. Give me a beer. I'm going to drink my sorrows away. And then he's like, two by four time. What does this feel like? To not follow your truth? And you're like, I'm going to drink Jim Beam instead. And it's just going to keep going. But it's what we do with you until it stops, until you're dead. Because that's the only time that it's stopping. It's not going to stop. It's going to eat you alive. I'm just letting everybody know who's listening to this. If you're like, I'm avoiding my truth, it's going to. It's going to kill you. Just letting you know. And that's what I'm here for. Okay?

So.

So have fun with that. All right, here we go. This is Gay Hendricks. The temptation is strong to remain in your zone of excellence. So that's the place where it's like, you're doing things that you're good at, and you can fool people, and they're.

Like, oh, you're great.

You're successful. You have a great job, and that's what the zone of excellence is. But you know, you're not living into your truth of something, so the temptation is strong to remain in your zone of excellence. It's where your own addiction to comfort wants you to stay. It's also where your family, friends, and organization want you to stay. You're reliable there, and you provide a steady supply of things that family, friends, and organizations thrive on. The problem is that a deep, sacred part of you will wither and die if you stay inside your zone of excellence. We had kind of the same quotes.

Today that, wow, I got to Start that book.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. You're gonna die if you don't do the right thing. What?

It's like a big happy birthday bitch slap.

Hey, we all need them, don't we?

Yes. You're gonna have to give me mine soon. Cause mine's coming up close. You're Scorpio, right?

Yeah. Scorpio. You're Sag, right?

Yeah. You know what? You gotta start living more into your Scorpio truth. Have you read your. Do you read your horoscopes? You're fierce. You are Scorpios. I used to be afraid of Scorpios. Do you know that? Because I had a couple Scorpios in my life who live lived on, like, the extreme side of Scorpio. So when I met other ones who weren't like that, I was like, wait, there's multiple sides to these people. Like, you have a whole other side you have not tapped into yet.

Oh, yeah. Scorpios can be like, dark and moody and stuff.

Yeah, yeah. And I like it because you can actually translate that and like put that into something else because you get. You have a lot of perspectives. So I think that's awesome. I'm talking about you. Like, I know your inner workings and I don't. I just. I read the horoscope this morning, so I was on an app, so I feel like I can tell you your whole life.

Thank you.

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Yes, it's really good. It's from B. Simpson Fitness.

Wait, we didn't read a review.

Oh, sugar. Okay, here we go. Oh, my gosh. This is from Fierce Girl 300.

Whoa. I mean, the movie 300 was fierce, so she's got to be insane.

She's super fierce. She says, your podcast has been changing my life. Changing. For my personal growth journey. Thank you for inspiring everyone, especially women, to reach for more. The episode where Evans talked about her getting a new house really hit home and made me cry. Oh, my gosh. This is so nice. I'm currently in the same situation she is. I recently rescued a puppy and in the process of buying a new home, closing next week.

Oh my gosh.

Congratulations. Imposter syndrome was really hitting me hard. Even though this is the second time I'm buying a house, this time I'm single and not in my small town. The episode was a sign. I am moving in the right direction and the move for me is right for me on so many levels. Thank you for talking about the difficult things in life and so much more.

Oh my God. How's that make you feel on your birthday? I'm so glad that you got that review on your birthday.

That is the nicest thing. I had no idea that. It just makes you feel so good.

When other people are affecting Evans.

I mean, who knew? Kim, congratulations on your new home and your new town.

Congratulations. And there you go. There you go. Ecrad.

That was really nice.

Changing lives. If people are wondering why I just called you that, it's your Instagram handle. I feel like that was like out of left field for people who don't know. Okay. That was so beautiful. We're so grateful for your review, and thank you for that on Evan's birthday, because that was just, like, so freaking perfect. And you're going to be amazing in your new house, both of you.

Yes, you are. Send me your tips. That sounded like.

I just want to say, show me your tips. Right now.

I realized it sounded like, show me your tips.

Show me your tips. Thanks. All right, I think that's a perfect segue into the question.

Yes. So this is from B. Simpson Fitness. They want to know, how do you manage your feelings of someone else is already doing it and doing it better.

Wait, someone else is managing their feelings?

Oh, sorry, I didn't say that. Right. So they're asking, how do you manage your feelings? And the feelings they're. They're having are, well, someone else is already doing it, and they're doing it better.

Okay. I was like, whoa, how are you letting someone else manage your feelings? Because I would love to give that job to someone else. Me, too. Like, please tell me how to feel today, because I'm not a good manager of these emotions. Like, I'm failing at that job. Me, too. So with that said, tell me that question again, because I was too busy talking.

How do you manage your feelings of. Well, someone else is already doing it and doing it better.

Oh, God. I mean, this is never gonna go away. It's funny. I was just talking to my friend about this yesterday because she's writing a book, and she just so happened to see another book that she was like, wait, this is about my topic, and the cover's better, and the whole book is better. And it was like, okay, this is a great way. So I'll use this example because we were, like, reframing, right? We were like, number one, the stories in it are different, Meaning your stories are always going to be different. So someone who is like, you're looking at the person who you think is doing it better, they're not going to relate to the people that you're going to affect. So they have a different background. They're from a different place. They have a different story. Just like, I remember a lot of people were like, I don't have, like, a trauma story that I've gotten over. I don't have, like, a hard, challenging story or hard life. I'm like, okay, so what about all the people who feel the exact same as you that they don't have a story? Isn't it important that your story gets out for them to let them know that even if you feel you don't have a story, you can still talk about topics that have deeply impacted you. So I think you have to remember you're always going to hit a different version of people and then you have to convert your feeling of because usually that's a feeling of like they're doing it better. It's like you're putting them on a pedestal or you're a bit jealous of them or whatever that looks like. You have to convert that into saying thank you for blazing that trail. And also, wow, thank you for putting out the same topic that I'm talking about. Because this shows that this is a timely topic, this shows that this is a timely business, this shows that this is a timely product. So that's really important too. And you have to remember that people are consumers, they don't just want one and their version is not better. Like it's just not. That's a complete opinion. Because there are gonna be people who even if you think it's better, maybe that's because you think they're smarter or more experienced or maybe they do have a lot more like experience around the topic and they are saying things that maybe you wouldn't say. But the thing is, is that they're impacting a different group of people. So they might be untouchable. To some of the people who would typically need their advice, they might seem a little too far fetched, they might seem a little too far down on their journey. I found that somet when I bring people on the podcast, it's like sometimes bringing people on who are in the beginning phases of their journey or self development or business that they make the biggest splash because they can really, like my listeners, can really relate to where they are in that journey. Compared to when I bring on someone who's like way down the path and is like having trouble even recalling how they felt in the beginning of the journey.

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Free yes 100% I think I feel these feelings all the time of like well, someone else. What's the point? Someone else is already doing it. And I think for me, it's about confidence in yourself and trying to nourish that part of you and figure out what can make me feel more confident so I can pursue this and not feel so terrified.

Yes, totally. That's the truth. That's the life cycle, isn't it? How do I not feel so terrified? Because I'm there every day right now. It's terribly uncomfortable, but at least I can say I'm leaving the Zone of Excellence, you know? Yeah, you're doing it, doing it, and it's awful. God. All right. Not very encouraging today, but if I wasn't doing it, it'd be worse is what I know. So let's try to see if we can do one more power question here. Okay.

Oh, my gosh. From squats and snacks. What a great name.

Love. Yes, please. Whole purpose of squatting.

How do you remain confident when people closest to you don't believe in you?

Ugh. How do you remain confident? That is so hard and so important. It's not that you remain confident. I think that's where the miss is with these, like, with a lot of the questions that come up for people around going for it. Like, you're not gonna feel confident when your mom's like, oh, my God, like, what are you doing? This isn't gonna make money. Why are you. Network marketing. Like, that's a bunch of crap. The product sucks. People are gonna say no. Or, who do you think you are with this business? Or stop showing your squats on Instagram. Like, nobody cares. Like, you know, that's gonna be tough to overcome. And you're not gonna feel confident and be like, oh, my own mother, who has known me my whole life, is not believing in me. Or my own sister or. Or best friend is telling me, like, you know, are you crazy? This isn't going to work. Like, that is not a confidence inflictor.

No.

So what you need to do is make sure that you go get around people who are doing what you do. I don't care if it's a mastermind. Books, podcasts, groups of friends, people. If you don't have enough of those people, you're not gonna actually cross the bound. The. You're not gonna cross the line into, like, the risk factor that you need to go and take for a long time in order to pursue what you need to do, because you're just. You're not going to feel supported, and you're going to be like, maybe it is crazy. So if the amount of info that you're putting in about your goal or the amount of like, intake or consumption of information of any kind is more negative than positive about your goal, then you're never going to do it. Meaning even if it's just kind of like, hey, I'm not sure if you should be doing that. So somehow you need your consumption of positivity and that you can, and of stories that you can and coaches and friends who tell you you can. Somehow you need to get that consumption level up past the 50% mark, otherwise you're not gonna do that thing. And sometimes that does mean limiting family time, and that's not gonna be a popular thing. But I'm just being honest. It's the only way that I was able to pursue my goals is because the limiting beliefs of my family were so strong that it was EAS easy for me to adopt them and to go back because I just wanted love and acceptance. But I couldn't do it anymore because I wasn't loving and accepting myself because I was ignoring the things that I wanted to do. So that's what you're gonna have to do. Make your consumption of the positive things and friends and info and how to over the 50% mark, try to get it up to at least the 70% mark of your life. And now I'm to a place where the positive is only. It's. It's at the 99% mark. So everything negative has been eliminated. Has been eliminated from my life.

That's awesome. And I also like what you're saying about, like, if you have to separate yourself from your family for a bit or whatever and get, you can pursue what you want to do, get some more confidence in yourself, and then it kind of reframes your relationship with your family and you can separate things.

Yeah. It's like you're going back and getting, you're going and getting stronger for a while so that you can go and you have the tools to know what to, to do and say when those conversations come up. Because I wasn't, I was too weak. I wasn't the person who could be like, you know, I don't think we should talk about this, or, you know, what can we agree that on this topic, like, we're gonna try to keep it positive and then I'm gonna remind you when it goes to a negative place, because that's not how I feel and that's not what I wanna believe. I wasn't strong enough to be that person until I went away. For a while and developed the tools of, like, what can happen around those feelings and rejection and how am I gonna feel? And am I gonna just go back to the way things were and, you know, am I gonna take a stand or what does that look like? So, and it's different for everyone. Sometimes I take a stand, sometimes I take the path of least resistance. Like, but it's all good to me now. Like, I understand why I'm doing certain things, and I didn't know that until I was gone for a while, until I figured out who I was. So until you figure out who you are and you. You be. You get the strength to stand for who you are, it's like you'll just keep going back and being the person that they expect of you, which I think that's so full circle about our quotes. It's like, it's so easy to just go back to being the person that you feel like everybody expects of you, because that's where you're safe and you're loved and, you know all the things.

So gotta get outta there.

Gotta get out of there, you guys. I'm so grateful for you, Evans. Happy, happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

I wish this was real time going out so that people could all wish you the happiest birthday, but I know that they're sending you, like, all of the belated birthday love right now, and I hope that you have the best day ever.

Thank you so much. I hope you have the best day ever and everyone who listens to this does.

And until then, until next time, stay questionably awesome. Bye, everyone.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.