633. Five Questions That Will Change Your Life

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Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. And we're back with another episode of he said, she said.

What are we talking about today, babe?

Well, these are questions that you should be asking yourself to have a good life.

Oh, okay. Well, like what?

Well, these are questions that most people do not ask themselves. And some of these questions are gonna be hard for people to answer, but these are questions that have literally transformed my life. And you know what's kind of crazy is how do we not ask ourselves certain questions? Did you go through a period of your life like I did, where you just kind of, like, didn't actually ask yourself really clear questions like, wow, why am I tolerating this?

Well, I think it's. Cause you get caught up in momentum, and good momentum, bad momentum, doesn't matter. Right? We just get so wrapped up in this storm called life that we don't take the time or the space to actually say, huh, do I like this or do I want this? Or whatever questions. I have no idea what your questions are about to be. Whatever questions are sitting there on your notes that I'm kind of afraid to see right there. We don't take the time and the space to stop and reflect. We've always heard, like, you know, when you go to a business coach and they say, hey, listen, sometimes somebody outside of your business looking in is far more valuable than you because you're inside of it and you can't see. That's the same thing with life. You're inside, it's busy, and it's like a storm. And it's. Even if it's a good thing, it's a good storm, and it's all moving so quickly. You don't take the time to ask yourself questions.

And that's just one of the reasons we don't ask questions. There's a whole other blaring side that people are not going to like. And I know that I don't like. And I have some questions that are on here that I'm not going to answer on this podcast because there's been things that I have been doing and I haven't wanted to answer the question or ask myself this question because. Because there are gonna be hard things that I have to do to change my answer or to get the answer that I want. And let me start with a question so that you can hear what I'm saying or so that you can understand what I'm saying. So one of the first questions that you should ask yourself is, what am I currently tolerating that I know is not for me or that I don't love or that I don't enjoy? And I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna give you a pass or a go.

Chris.

You can choose pass or go on this question.

Oh, God. Pass or go. Okay, repeat the question.

What am I currently tolerating in my life that I know is not for me or I don't enjoy?

Ah, okay. I'll I'll go.

All right.

I won't pass. I'll go.

Oh, good.

All right. Too much work. I still have more work than I want to be doing. And so I. I know it's not for me. It doesn't feel like a fit, and I'm still tolerating it or it wouldn't be there.

So then it goes to a deeper question, and that is, why are you allowing that in your life? And you don't have to answer that if you don't want.

I think I allow it my life. 1. It's probably just a comfort zone. Isn't that funny? Something that you don't necessarily like can still be a comfort zone, because that's so funny.

Oh, yeah. I mean, we've had time off and we're like, what the hell do we do with ourselves?

Yep, that's exactly it. Two. I don't know. Because more is more. And, you know, we can do it, and so we do do it. I literally don't have a good answer to it.

So there's deeper questions that I would ask you around that. That I. I'm not going to have you answer right now. But what I would ask myself is, what am I thinking that I need to do? Or am I aligning my goals? You know, are my goals making me work this big and do I still love those goals and do I want those goals? And if so, is this amount of work worth it? If I think that's what it's going to have to take to get to those. So that's what I would be asking myself.

You know what? You don't know this because you don't listen to my show. And that's not a dig. I don't listen to yours. But I just released an episode called why do youo Want to make what yout Want To Make? And it was a recent coaching client I was working with, and they thought they wanted to make a million dollars. It turns out they only had to make like 606 grand a year or something like that once we actually did their dream budget. And so what you're saying actually is super aligned with that episode that came out last week is so many times we're working and working and working because we think we have to be. Except we've never sat down to take the time to figure out, wait, how much do I actually need to make? Not want to make. And there's a big difference.

Yeah.

Because that might cut workout.

Totally. So real quick, before we get into the next question, what would you say to someone if they're like, well, these are the goals that I want, so this is the amount of work that I have to do. Yet I'm not happy. What would your next question be to them?

I'd make them question those goals. Right.

Would you? You know how we say, like, never back down from things or downsize necessarily, but we have downsized when we need to. So if the person's like, okay, well, I don't necessarily, like, want to work this much. Do you know what I'm saying?

Well, yeah. Then I'd make them question, why are they working that much? Why do they think that they want this thing or this life or whatever it might be.

Yeah.

Okay.

Awesome. I love that. This is, like, great cues for people to move off of from that question. You ready for the next one? No, no, this one's good. I like this one. Am I who I want to be? Am I who I want to be right now?

Oh, I like that one. Yeah.

And if not, what's keeping me from being that?

No, it's an easy answer. Yes.

Okay, So a lot of people aren't going to be able to answer yes. So for you guys really asking, am I who I want to be? And if not, who, who or what is keeping you from not allowing you to be that person? I know that I've actually had actual human beings in my life who I believed had power over me that were keeping me from being who I wanted to be. Like, there have been points in my life where I was like, no, I actually want to be that. But if I do this, I'm going to disappoint my parents. I'm going to disappoint her. And I can't leave this particular thing because if I do, I'm going to disappoint this person and they're going to think I'm a horrible person. If I go out on my own.

That'S gonna be an eye opener for a lot of people. That's a good one.

Totally. Okay, next question is, what am I pretending not to know?

Ooh, I hate this question. Why do you hate this question?

Because I'm pretending not to know certain things.

You wanna share one?

No. You share it on here. Yeah. It's nothing about you. No, it's not.

What's a relief?

I'm just not sharing because I think what we're pretending not to know sometimes is about our very personal life, you know? So it's like things that you need to change, whether it's in your relationships or conversations that you need to have with maybe family members or friends or whatever. Like, I'm pretending not to know that if I don't have this conversation, there's gonna be big problems down the road in our family or whatever that looks like. So that's just one that I typically on this podcast, like won't discuss something until I'm a bit through it or. You know what I mean?

Sure.

So for me, there are things I'm pretending not to know few and far between. If you were to ask me five years ago, there'd be a list of like 30 and now there's a list of like two.

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I'm just honest to God because you said you're saying, hey, pass or go, and I was willing to go on issues. I just don't even know what my answer would be to that. It would probably take a lot of reflection.

Well, it's good. That means you probably cleared up a lot.

Yeah, I don't think I've got an answer to that one or meaning like I don't have a thing.

You know what? Do you know why I don't think you have one is because very bananas is like growling at us. He's so mad at us because we've been working all day. You're very like, you're good with confrontation.

Yeah.

You actually enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. And when I say enjoy it, you'd rather just get it done with and, like, move through it.

Where for me, it doesn't bother me.

It doesn't bother you? Like, it bothers me deeply, even though I know that I need to do it. So I think for me, because I avoid confrontation, that's why I have a couple left in my life that would.

Make really great sense. Can I also tell you a complex that I have? You know, when we would, like, go to Tony Robbins, or, like, when you just ask me a question right there.

Yeah.

And sometimes you literally don't have an answer. Like, you know, what is wrong with you? What is the one thing I'm like, I can't think of anything. It's my pet peeve when you can't think of an answer to it and you're like, stop trying to force me to create something wrong when there's not something wrong. And sometimes I feel entrapped to do that.

Yeah, totally. And sometimes it's funny because the more personal development that you do, the more you work through your problems. Right. So I've definitely been to events where I'm like, hey, that's what I worked on for the last year. So I feel pretty clear right now. And they're like, no, you can't be clear. I'm like, I actually feel pretty good right now. Ask me about this, and maybe that's off, but I feel pretty good.

So.

Okay. No. And I don't think you need to force yourself to dig deep. We got plenty of shit in the world to worry about besides, like, why don't I have this problem? That's a pretty funny thing.

I know. I get accomplished over, why don't you have this problem?

So, congratulations, you've confronted that part.

Okay, these are kind of fun, but I'm also nervous. What's coming next?

Let's see.

Hey, who or what do I need to forgive? Yourself included?

Who or what do I need to forgive? I just need to forgive other people for not living life under the terms that I would expect them to live under. Am I saying that right? Like, I've got such high expectations that, you know, little things that people do will throw me awry.

Yes.

And that's my expectations, not their expectations. And then it was really ruining my day. Not their day.

Right.

So I would need to forgive other people for not playing by my set of rules when that was never their desire to begin with. Right.

And in order to do that, in order to Forgive. There's no way to forgive people without understanding that there are layers of the bigger picture that we are not seeing. And so I think what happens sometimes is we're like, no, I'm not gonna forgive them. They should have known better. They should have never said that. They should have never done that. This is the worst thing that someone could possibly do to. Except we have no idea that their parents did that to them their entire life. So it's actually, like, ingrained in them and they don't even think it's a big deal.

Yeah.

So, you know, I think forgiveness, it requires grace. Right. On people and ourselves. Because a lot of times people listening, like the biggest person they have to forgive is themselves.

This whole episode, by the way, brings up the exact same feeling I have when I play truth or dare. All right, what's the next one?

All right, the next one. And this is. This is your. Your final question. Because I didn't want to, like, these questions should create a really good start in people's lives.

Ok. You know, honestly, before you ask this, people should sit down with their loved ones and play this as a game.

Oh, shit.

This is going to be an intense game.

They really should.

Yeah, let's never play this with our family.

Why?

Because. That's why. All right? Now people are either going to understand me when I say that or they're not. They're going to be like, why? That doesn't make any sense. Or they're going to be like, hell, no. I'd never play this with my family.

Or.

Or you can play this with your family and you'll definitely either get your shit figured out or you will never see your family again. So just understand that outcomes could go. Listen, I am not responsible for any outcome from this game, okay? It's like you're signing the waiver by listening to this. Okay, here we go. Last question.

Are you ready?

It's not that intense.

Truth or dare.

Okay.

Pass or go.

What is something I've always wanted to do but haven't? Why haven't I done it? And how will I plan to do it?

I love this. I've always wanted to stay in a castle in Ireland. Probably not the question. You're probably looking for something deep, right? You're probably looking for something like.

No, this is truly life stuff.

Yeah. I've always wanted to get all of our friends together and rent a castle for two weeks and stay in this castle and do castle things like, you know, shoot archery and ride horses and go hunting.

How can we make this dream Come true.

They have it. It's a real thing. They have several, like, done for you packages where you get to go and do this with your friends.

Oh, my God.

And I've always, always wanted to do this. Do you remember?

Stop doing it.

Do you remember a couple years ago, we were in Hawaii, and they had that magazine, and I showed it to you? I don't know if you remember this. I was like, honey, this is it. This is what I want to do. It's literally. They have these things where you get to do this with friends. And what's stopping me? I've never made it a priority.

Yep. And why have you never made it a priority?

Because we've. We've always had other things to travel for. Yeah, right. So it's been very easy to say, eh. Last thing I do is feel like, you know, taking our couple weeks and going overseas again when we're just here.

We're just there and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

But doesn't it sound awesome?

It totally does. Let's. When. When Covid is done, we should plan your castle trip. Whether it's two years from now. That'd be great.

I think, actually, you should go hide out in a castle during COVID Probably the best place to be.

Probably.

Hey, we could do this for my 45th birthday in a couple of years.

Oh, that'd be awesome.

Yeah.

All right, you guys, let's. Let's hold them to it. Dungeons and Dragons in Ireland.

My 35th birthday.

Yeah, because that's cool to be young.

All right.

What about you? I want to turn this one on you.

Oh, man. What's something I've always wanted to do but haven't? Oh, it's really weird because I have done a lot of things I've wanted to do. Oh, I've. I've always wanted to, like, learn how to play an instrument. Well, I haven't, because I always get busy doing other things.

Me too. The piano. And what do we have now?

A piano.

Yes. And what did I put on my Instagram stories today?

A piano.

Oh, you probably didn't watch them yet. No, I put a call out for any piano teachers that live in Scottsdale. I'm doing it now. I can't wait.

I can't wait because I love to sing. So I'm gonna sing while you play piano. That's, like, my life goal.

I'm sorry, that's a no singing foyer.

Yeah, it's gonna be singing.

Okay, repeat the questions one more time so people can get them.

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What am I currently tolerating that's not for me? Am I who I want to be? What am I pretending not to know? Who or what do I need to forgive? What is something I've always wanted to do but haven't?

Dang, those are really good. I gotta be honest. Those are awesome. If people honestly sat down reflected on those and I probably wouldn't reflect on that once, now that I hear them all lined up like that, I'd probably do one a day or one a week. But I would take this as. How many are there? Five.

Honestly, if they can just actually accomplish one a year, their life will dramatically change.

But how many are there? Five.

One, two, three, four, five.

If somebody said, okay, I'm going to do this once a week for five weeks, I think that'd be a pretty powerful journey.

Yeah. And like, you guys created an actual. We should know these things about our partners and our friends. Like, that's, that's what a very close relationship is, is actually knowing these things and helping people accomplish who they want to be, what they want to do, and to help people forgive who they need to forgive. All of the above. You do that, that will be like the basis of the best relationships you've ever had in your life. And yeah, it's going to be awkward and hard, but I'm telling you, this is what it's made of. We ask these questions to our friends. Like a lot of we, we know.

A lot of these. I got a sixth one that you probably didn't think of.

Clearly, it's not on the paper.

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Yeah, I say earn your happy, but you know, earn your happy and earn your money.

Oh God. If that's our sign off, then we're in trouble.

We are in trouble.

All right, guys, appreciate you. Thanks for listening.

Bye everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending.

This time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye.

Bye.