634. Q+A: Big Changes

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Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of the Bliss Project. Three time fitness world champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we Go. Evans. Welcome back to the show that you help co host Questionably Awesome.

Thank you so much for inviting me, Lori.

You know what's so great about the show, Evans, besides the fact that we host it together? Why is that when we were. When we were thinking of the name Questionably Awesome, I don't think we realized how much gold we actually struck.

Like, me neither.

It is questionable if it's awesome and it is about answering these people's questions. I don't know what that was answering. So answering these amazing people's questions in an awesome way. So I don't think we quite realized what a. What do you call that when. When we're not going to go there because my brain can't think about it.

A gold mine.

We'll call it a gold mine. That's what that's called. Thank you for that. You guys, if you're just tuning in, if you're new to Questionably awesome, this is where, you know, you have to be in a much lighter mentality because we're probably, you know, going to give you some, some great life tidbits in a really funny way. And if you don't have a sense of humor, you're not going to like it. Yeah.

And that's okay. Have a great day.

Bye. You should tune out right now, log off. I don't know if that's how you do it, but. Get out of here. All right.

Get out of here.

How are you? You've moved.

I've moved to a new city of Indianapolis.

How does it feel?

Let me tell you, people here are very nice.

Oh my God. That's what I'm going through. We're going through the is this real people are so nice phase.

They're so nice.

Evans. I thought people were nice in California because for the most part what. What I seek I will find. So for the most part I found a lot of really nice people, but I didn't realize how much I was letting it like be okay. That people. There's a lot of non acknowledgement in California actually to the point where at least you know, because I walk every day for a lot of hours, we usually go on like two walks. And I know you guys at least go on one walk. There's at least 10 people on each walk that pass you that actually don't even move over on the sidewalk. Like they'll take the whole sidewalk and walk in. They would legitimately. I've always wanted to test it in California that if I don't move, it's like playing chicken If I don't move, will they move?

And they won't.

The answer is they will not. They will bump into you and then get stuck super mad at you. Like, did you not see that I was looking at my phone and taking the middle of the sidewalk, you asshole.

It's so true. I don't know why that happened.

I'm not sure why either. But it's a very real thing. And it's very strange here to be acknowledged by just about everyone. I was like, oh, my God. Like, people see you here. There's a lot to be said about being seen and feeling seen.

I totally agree. Like, having people say, like, good morning.

Morning.

How are you? Great.

I'm great now because of you, Bob.

Yeah, because of you. Nice man. On your morning walk. Thank you, sir.

Special. What if we just stopped and, like, just made a huge deal out of how special it was that they acknowledged us?

Honestly, I think we should, because it is a big deal. When you say hello to someone, you don't realize it really does affect you. When you're in California because of. It's like, a slow state, but also a hustle state. I don't know how to explain it.

Yeah, it's interesting. And you don't realize how things like that can either whittle away at you or give you energy. So it's just very cool to be on walks where I'm seeing. It's very nice. I feel like it gives them more of a sense of community. So that's pretty awesome. I mean, for the most part, in California, if you have a dog, you're meeting people. But, yeah, you're meeting 20% of the people we're here or elsewhere. Sometimes you're meeting a lot. 80% are saying, hi. Those percentages are all made up, by the way. So I feel like when I use percentages, it does make me sound smarter. Even though you can throw in a quick, Like, I don't know what the percentage is, but I bet it's this. So that works.

Yeah.

That's a good way to add something to the conversation. Be like, oh, 30% of people usually do this.

Yeah. Not all the time, but I think that's the percentage. So I'm always giving them a warning that this is not real, but you got to do it in a quick way. That makes you sound smart.

Yeah.

Yeah. I use percentages a lot. And I'm like, you don't even understand. You don't even, like, percent. You didn't even pass the percentage class in school. Okay. Either.

Me neither.

That's because they were too real. I need more hypothetical.

Yeah.

Okay. So you're feeling like this was about your move. How are you actually feeling, though? Like, if your soul could just go on blast right now, like, the part of your soul that you're trying to keep quiet, what would it say? Like, the one that's like, this is my real talk soul.

It would say yes. Would it really? Oh, yeah. I'm really jazzed.

Oh, my God. That's so, so cool. I'm pretty jazzed, too. Like, the. The only parts I miss are the. The weather, but there's. There's amazing weather here right now. So, you guys, if you didn't know, Chris and I have moved to Scottsdale. You are in Indianapolis, and it's. It's nice to just, like, change it up, right?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Completely different things to explore. It's gonna be awesome.

Yeah, it already is awesome. It's amazing. Okay, so tell me about your quote.

Oh, my quote? I think I went with him last week, but I'm doing it again.

Okay.

Michael Bernard Beckwith, Love. He says you can start with nothing, and out of nothing and out of no way a way will be made.

I like that for where you're at in life. Me too. Fresh start. Yep. You talking about that yet, or are we going to talk about that in a different podcast?

Oh, yeah, we can talk about it. I put in my notice for my job, and it went terribly.

Thank you for sharing. I didn't know if we could fully share or not. Not a good sign. Like, we were just talking about that. She's like, it did not. Did not go well. Like, it was not a nice. Not happy for this next chapter of your life.

No. And, you know, when you wish you did things differently anyway, you know?

You know, but that's a great. And we don't have to talk about this with your job, but you can wish all you want that you did things different. You may have said something different, you may have shown up differently, but ultimately, sometimes when you're getting that result, it's like, no matter what you would have done, it kind of says a lot about the other person as well. And you can't spend time. So what I'm trying to get to is, like, every time I've sat and I wish I would have done this differently, it does nothing but cause me pain. And sometimes things happened for a reason. The way that they did, to show you this. Right? Like, because maybe if you would have done things differently, the response would have been different. Except this Response was still a response that this person was very capable of. So I actually think no matter who the person was, even if you would have done it differently, they're gonna. You either handle things in a beautiful way, no matter how crappy it is with the person coming at you, or you don't. So I actually think you may have handled it in the. In the way that you were meant to in order to, because I bet you're pretty okay with leaving now that that's happened.

Yeah, it's a. It's. I hope that it. I have a hope that I can still make it to the beautiful way.

Yeah. You know, and it very much could be. Yeah. And maybe if there's not. Evans. What. So what would happen if you didn't. What would happen if. If you didn't get the result that you wanted?

Ultimately, if it ends in a very crappy, Just everyone's angry at each other way, then I think the best thing to do is just move forward and not dwell in it.

Yeah. And you're going to be the same person and know that it's not you. Because if I. If I asked everybody who knows you, they would be like, I don't even know how a person could be bad mad at her. Like, they wouldn't.

It's.

It's.

It happens.

Yeah, but they wouldn't understand. I know that it happens, but they would just be like, how? I. I mean, I. I could have been, I guess, mad at you for. For wanting to go somewhere else simply because I would want you as, like, my, you know, assistant forever. So I could have been like, jerk. I'm so mad at you. I can't believe you're leaving. I thought this was a great relationship, and instead I'm like, okay, this really blows, because this would have been. I mean, this was amazing. But at the same time, I completely understand why you need to, like, move on and what works for your soul and what environment you need. And I also know that you're probably a entrepreneur. So I do think that that's going to be really hard to employ you for a long time.

Ooh.

I think that's why you're not, like. I think that's why you struggle with, like. I mean, like, some of the. The jobs that you go to, because you are. You're more qualified than the positions. I mean, your positions are, like, amazing positions. But I also think you're an entrepreneur. So unfortunately, you're gonna have trouble with jobs because I think that you are a creative entrepreneur. So I gotta figure my life Out. Yeah, we can stop talking about that if you like. But I'm just telling you, I think that's why it's.

Maybe someone else is like that too. I bet you there are other people that are thinking the same thing.

Oh, I think there's majority of the people listening to this, so it's probably really refreshing to hear, like, huh, maybe I'm not finding that dream thing because I'm supposed to create the dream thing.

Yep.

Strange.

Gotta make it.

You gotta make it. All right. I have a quote for you. Albert Einstein, because he's got great hair, he says the measure of intelligence is the ability to change.

That is a really good quote.

I'm like, obsessed with that quote. I've never heard it before, before this morning researching it because, like, I guess adaptability, when I really think about it, is kind of the ultimate. Like, it's the ultimate move, right? If you can adapt and change, like, you're gonna be just fine in this world. It's when we grip on to like, oh, this should have gone this way, or this is how things were. And now I can't believe they're this way. And I'm angry about it. Like, that just. That's called regressing regression. Like, that's going to make you so stuck. So the ultimate measure of intelligence is the ability to change. Damn. Albert does it again.

Albert knew everything.

Literally everything. It's so sad that when people pass away, all of those years of building that brain are like. I mean, in this case, it's not gone with him because he's left it all to us. Which also says why Evans needs to get everything out into the world. Because it would be such a shame if all of that knowledge and humor and wittiness and genius, which I know is coming, like. And comedic, like, just brilliance. You can't trap that up in that brain.

Wow. I really wish you took Benadryl more often.

So I couldn't sleep last night, so I took a. Like, I took one Benadryl because that's all you need.

Oh, yeah.

By the way, this is not a Benadryl ad. I don't promote taking Benadryl. But I told her, I'm like, oh, my God, I am so groggy. Like, what a mistake. Yeah.

Do you ever take Dramamine? Because sometimes I'll take that. And it's like, whoa, baby.

Oh, God. I used to. So I used to get so sick when I would go on, like, roller coasters when I was a teenager and all my friends just happened to be those freaks who love like, like give me more roller coasters and they can eat like 12 hot dogs and still go on and be fine. And I was the person who like, could. Could kind of like focus on a cart while it was spinning while I'm on the ground and get sick. So. So I would go. I would take Dramamine and go on these roller coasters all day with them, except I would feel like I was drugged and like they dragged me out of bed at 2am and it was a horrible experience. But because I didn't want to be left out, it was awful. Like, I. I actually think there's no if you want to torture me, make me tired and make me try to do life tired. So I agree.

There's nothing worse.

There's nothing worse. I am not like, I'm. I'm kind of a mean person when I'm tired.

Me too.

I'm doing okay right now though, Evans. I think it's because I'm on here.

Oh, yeah, you're doing great.

So this is going to be just great. Yeah. How about a review?

Oh, I got one.

Let's hear it. Okay.

This is from Kaizen 19.

Hi, Kaizen.

They say quick inspirational hits. Love that These podcasts are short and provide a quick inspirational hit or new idea. Always gets me thinking, even if I've heard what is said before. I've also gotten great book recommendations. The Big Leap is a must read.

Must. Oh my God. So sweet. Thank you so, so much for your review. Evans. How do these reviews make you feel?

You know, like if you were to jump inside a marshmallow, but it's not sticky, it's like really soft in there.

I love that. I thought you were gonna be like, if I. That's. That's a great analogy. Let's use that one more. And also, if you could jump inside of a Care Bear. Oh, yeah.

It would be really welcoming and there'd be like happy colored stuff.

A marshmallow might be better because it's sweet. You could eat. It is sweet. Worry about your way out.

Yeah.

You probably shouldn't eat your way out of a Care Bear.

No. You'd want to stay in there.

Yeah. Because that'd be really weird. What do we do next? Questions.

There are some good questions. You're not going to believe what the subject is.

What's the subject?

Making a big change.

I can't believe that. Okay. I researched quotes about change, so that's why that one came up, obviously, because the quote says change in it.

So are you ready for this?

I Think so. You may have to answer some of these. My brain's like. If you could see my brain right now that my mouse on my wheelie cart is not. He's asleep. He's. What's the. What's the chubby mouse from Cinderella?

Oh, is it Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus.

Cinderella, Cinderella. You can make your dress so pretty. There's nothing to it, really.

Wait, it's like this. I love Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus.

I felt like him when.

Okay, Gus Gus, I got a question for you.

I'm ready.

This is from. This is from Lauren Jewel. And they asked super pretty name. How do you know when to let go of something that's great but isn't aligned with where you're going?

Oh. Oh, that answer is clear. If you're asking this question, let that go.

You already know.

You already know. It's not clear. There's some interesting blurred lines here because sometimes when the thing that you love starts to get hard, we can convince ourselves that it's not for us. Because we're like, if this was supposed to be for me, wouldn't these people be coming out of the woodwork? Wouldn't this be happening? Wouldn't this event have filled? Wouldn't this program have filled? Wouldn't these investors have shown up? Wouldn't this be so much easier? No, but there are points where it's kind of like in your gut, if you sat with yourself and asked yourself, is this still, like, is this still for me, is this still, like, something. If the outcome were easy, is this still something that I would be so freaking excited about? What do you think? I mean, I know that you already. You really do know. Just, like, probably the same reason you've known you were going to give your two weeks at your job, probably for a lot longer than what you actually did, is because you just kind of know. And I think the energy is gone from it. Like, your excitement around it just is not there. And you're resuscitating a dead horse over and over. What do you think?

Yeah, I think you get this. Well, I get this feeling in my stomach, and I know that there's some things that I want to try, and if I don't do them, I will be so upset if I get hit by a bus tomorrow and I never did them, like, that would be really shitty.

Yeah.

And I don't know. And sometimes it's a matter of just having a conversation and being like, I need more in my role right now. I need to change up what I'm doing. I love my job, but it's, like, feeling icky right now. Maybe it's. I need to step away completely. I don't know. But I feel like you get that feeling.

You definitely get that feeling. And I think just by this question, it's a question of, like, you know, does it. Does it start to tell you? Does it not start to tell? Like, right now, I would never ask the question about light pink. I would never be like, is this something I should really do? The question is, like, you know, I have doubt questions about myself. So I think the questions more, come on, am I capable of this? Not Is this something I want to do? So that's also a differentiator as well. I think the questions based around fear will be different if it's. You know, it'll be kind of like what I said, it'll be more questions based on, are you capable of this? Instead of, is this for me?

Yes, totally.

And I think that, am I capable of these questions are also a sign that it probably is for you.

Oh, yeah. I was just. So I had a call with my counselor on Saturday.

Yeah.

And we were talking about identifying patterns in yourself. And if you. Like, like, I have a bad pattern of I'll want to try something, and I'll come to it, and then I'll make a billion reasons why I can't do it, or I'll just, like, paralyze myself.

Yep.

And then we talked about how a lot of times that's just rooted in fear.

Yes.

Just like you said. And you just have to identify that, okay, this is a pattern. This is fear. But it doesn't really mean anything because it's not true.

Yeah, it's not true. And it's just. It's. It's just always what you've known. And in order to create the change, you have to do something different. I mean, I'm so there right now. I'm, like, breaking patterns left and right or trying to. Because, you know, I. I have a pattern, too, of the. The, like, I will do the things that feel big, but not the things that feel huge. So the things that feel huge, I'll always be like, nope, this is where my ability ends. And our ability only ends at the extent in which you're willing to ask for help. And that's interesting, because we don't do things alone. It's like, if you were willing to ask for all the help you need around all the things that you want to do, Evan, the help would be there. It's just, are we willing to ask for the help that we need to get there. It's so crazy. I'm right there with you. So we just both need to be asking Great question. What's the next question?

Oh, the next one is excuse me. This is from Al Mitch and she says do you get decision remorse? If so, how do you mitigate it?

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Of course I get decision remorse. And you know, some decisions were meant to be and some decisions, I made a wrong decision. But I, I actually did a podcast about believing there is no wrong decision. Because without that wrong decision, you wouldn't now know that the next time an occurrence like that happens and these feelings are familiar that. So let's say you make a decision and Evans, let's even use you, for example, like you make a decision to leave into, you know, your job right now. And it's like you look back and you're like, wow, I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have left that. And here's how I was feeling and you know, should have known that I shouldn't have left because I still felt this way. So next time we're just, all we're literally doing is applying the feelings and familiar circumstances to like, oh, last time I read this feeling wrong, or last time I pulled this trigger too early or you know, oh, this is a familiar experience because that's the only way that we learn, you know.

Yeah.

So I think that remorse is, is a feeling that you shouldn't sit in longer than, you know, God, I don't think you should sit in it at all. It's actually, I think one of the toxic, toxic feelings you can sit in. So I think that yes, there's been remorse, but I don't dwell there because that is just that that again, is like standing in cement. So whenever you feel remorse, just know that you're putting your feet in a bucket of cement. And it's like, instead of remorse, I literally say, okay, if I'm regretting something about this, what is the lesson that I can take from it and apply forward? Because there's a Lot of things in life that humans do that we can sit and regret. And those are the people who don't do anything. Those are the. Like. Those are literally. There's a bucket of people. There's two pools. It's the people who learn the lessons from remorse and, you know, forgive themselves and move forward, and the people who stay in remorse and don't forgive themselves. And those are two things that go hand in hand, and they keep you stuck for the rest of your life. So I just think turn remorse into a gratitude for the lesson.

That's a good. I like that I even do that. This is a weird example, but, like, over the holidays, if you drink a couple days in a row, and then I'm like, oh, why did I do that? And I feel terrible about myself and I shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. And then you, like, see. Spiral down to this dark space, and it's like, oh, my gosh.

Just.

It's okay. Everything's gonna be all right.

Yes. You know, you're under that spell of that thing right now, too. Like you. I always think that I'm like, I'm just under the spell of the alcohol for the next, like, two days. All I have to do is get out from under the spell by not drinking so much and by drinking a lot of water and feeling healthy. It's the same with remorse. It's like, I'm just under the spell of remorse right now. All I have to do is. Is keep saying prayers, forgiving myself, going on walks, hanging out with positive people, maybe sharing this with people, helping me get through it and moving forward and finding the lesson. It's the same exact thing. It's like, all right, so how do I support myself around this feeling? Okay, first I gotta stop thinking about it. First you gotta stop choosing to think about it. Next, you gotta find something else to replace the thought with, because you can't just say, I'm gonna stop thinking about this. You have to actually replace it with another thought or another thing and move forward. I love that you shared that because it's the same steps. It's the same exact steps. All right, Evans, what are your final thoughts?

Oh, man. Excuse me. My final thoughts are that there are a lot of changes right now. And it's a lot of. It's weird times, but just one thing at a time.

That's all you can do.

And hang in there for the rest of your life.

I don't think this time is any different than any other time because life is always a different version of hard And I think right now we just realized that the stuff we thought was hard wasn't that hard. So.

That'S a really good way to look at it.

There's always something hard to focus on, and if you, you know, I just think you gotta always find the silver lining of everything. Okay, so with that said, Evans, thank you so much for this amazing podcast. I appreciate you.

Thank you.

I feel a little more awake. I'm very excited to see. See what your future holds. I feel like we just took a turn that's going to be real, real fun to talk about.

We'll see what happens.

All right, you guys, until next time, remain questionably awesome.

Bye, everyone.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this. This episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.