638. Q&A: Networking

I don't ever hinge an expectation or a need on one person. Meaning like, oh, I need this person. I can't lose this person. I have to get this person. So I literally come at it like, I'm gonna offer them this. I'm super passionate. I'm gonna share why I'm so passionate about it. And if they want it, great. If not, great. If they don't want it, then I'm not in the business of convincing.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of the Bliss Project, three times fitness world champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we announce, anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go, Evans. Welcome back to your podcast, questionably awesome, where we decide that we are unquestionably awesome.

It's a thrill to be here on this beautiful day. It's about. It's a thrill. I say the podcast is a thrill, and it's just about being yourself and getting a little. A little teeny, tiny nugget of something along the way.

You're gonna get a nugget, all right. Of something, like she said. So we always let people know that if you're looking for anything serious, this is not the place. Like, you need to go listen to NPR or something.

Don't come here.

Yeah, some. Some news station, but this is not the station for you. You got to tune out. But if you want something light in a nugget, then you're going to love this. Okay, so you look ravishing today. I love your hair and your red sweater from Target. Like, I came on Zoom and literally was like, that is my kind of sweater. It's a turtleneck. It's bright red. It's bringing out blonde. I'm loving it. And what's going on with the hair? Do you have a new, like, what's happening here? It's really cute.

It's called a mullet. From not having a haircut in all year, I would say.

I think I like this length on you, though. It's really cute.

Look at those ends. Hey, when's the last time you cut your Hair. Did you. You cut your hair, right?

No, I usually just go buy hair and add to it because what happens is I get a natural haircut by dyeing it blonde so it just falls off at about shoulder length. So what you see right here, you guys can't see it, but it's more just like, terrible. But yeah, last time I got extension, she was like, do you want me to clean up these ends? I'm like, hey, whatever you think you can do with this, you do. She was like, well, not much, but here we go. She didn't say that, but that's what she wanted to say. Do you know what's weird is when you go get your hair done and all of a sudden the girls are all way younger than you and. And they say make you feel a little old. Like, like, oh, yeah. A lot of my clients have these grays. And I'm going to try this on you because you've got a lot of gray around the front of your head. And I was like, who are you? Watch how you're talking to me.

Who has grays? Not me.

What are you thinking? Like, I'm your age.

Whatever.

I don't even have a problem aging. It just seems so weird to me when, like, I realize I'm not young anymore because I truly feel like. You just feel young. My mom always talked about this. So does my dad. Like, you don't feel like you're getting older?

Yeah, it's crazy. I feel the same way whenever I'm at the hair salon now. And also I'm 35, which is like, you can run for president when you're.

35, but can you imagine if we had a 35 year old president?

I don't think that would be a good idea.

Do you think that's gonna happen? Hey, I see someone with flowers behind you. Who's that?

That's my mother in law. Oh, my gosh. This is Beth. This is Lori.

Oh, Lori. This is the best podcast ever.

We're just doing a little podcast real quick.

Sorry.

Oh, you're fine.

No, we love it. Tell her we love it.

Yeah, Lori says we love it.

You guys. It's like she just came in with, are those poinsettias or are those roses? I can't tell.

Poinsettias?

Is that how you say that? Poinsettia points.

Pointsetta. Poinsettia. I don't know. She got from Costco. They have really good deals right now.

Wait, mom has got to go to Costco now? You have me running Target and Costco? All right, I'm doing it. I need some holiday festivity up in this house. Everyone, you've moved. How do you feel?

Oh, my gosh. So much better.

I don't know.

I don't know how, like, you never realize how it's great when you're just traveling around all the time and going to different places. Having a home base is very nice.

So, so nice. I'm loving it as well. Like, I'm starting to feel so much better because Evans, my new girl, my new executive assistant for Light Pink, started yesterday, and I'm obsessed. She actually totally has your energy, and that's what I was. That's what I was looking for.

Well, I am very excited for you, and I can't wait to hopefully meet her someday.

Yeah, I think you might meet her. Like, obsessed. Like, I don't know if she listens to this podcast, but maybe we don't want to tell her how obsessed we are this soon. Okay, we'll keep it quiet, but if she listens, she'll probably be happy anyway. Okay, what's your wait? Do we do review or quote first?

I think we do review.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

This is from Kaizen 19. And yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the new one. Quick inspirational hits. She says, love that these podcasts are short and provide Quick inspirational hit or a new idea. Always gets me thinking, even if I've heard what is said before. I've also gotten great book recommendations.

You know what? Love that. Kaizen. Kaizen.

Kaizen. Kaizen 19.

Kaizen literally made our whole day, our whole week, potentially, month. You know, it made me super smart. Like, oh, wow. We actually recommend books and people like them. That's really good, Evans. I can see what kind of mood we're in, and it's kind of always like this. When we're together, though. I would love to be like, oh, it's the day. It's the day. And that's why I sound so stupid and idiotic right now. I was just thinking, like, people are.

Probably like, when this goes out, the.

Heck, I don't know, you guys. Hopefully you're walking and laughing with us, but if not, I'm really sorry because.

You know, there's a lot going on.

There's a lot. Okay, quote. Do it up. I want to hear your quote.

Oh, I get to go first. Okay. Okay. Mine's from Bob Goff, and he says, when joy is a habit, love is a reflex.

When joy is a habit, love is a reflex. That is awesome. And it's very true. I love that it Says joy as a habit because it's a choice, man. I mean, there is so much crap that you could choose to focus on that is not joyful. And even with Chris and I moving here, I was focusing so much on what I was missing. Meaning, I don't have this person yet. I don't have an assistant. Oh, my gosh. Where do I go for this? I have no idea what to do. It was throwing me off instead of going, wait, I just gained so many epic things that I did not have before. So we switcherooed that right away on our walks. So that's so much better. Okay, my quote is from Timber Hawkeye, which, by the way, is a name and a half that I would love to have. Like, why didn't my name Timber Hawkeye? My parents were so boring. Like, they should have literally gone out in the forest with, I don't know, an axe and figured out Pecan.

Pecan.

And figured out what our name should be. Do you ever feel, well, you've got an exciting name.

I mean, it's different. It's like a last name.

I like it, though. But everyone, when you worked for me as my assistant, which people usually don't know on this podcast, which I think is great, you. What was I gonna say? Oh, people thought you were a boy, and I didn't understand.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't understand why. I guess because Evan is usually a boy, but I was like, evan's to it. It's a girl. Just like people that Waffles was a boy, and I'm like, it's Waffles. I don't know. Okay.

I definitely recommend, like, if you're naming a child do something like that, because it's really fun when you show up to something and they're like, oh, you're a woman and you're not a boy.

Like, they thought, yeah, okay, great. Okay. All right. That would be super fun. Surprise. You're on a date with someone else from another sex. You know what? It's modern times. Yes. Do what you want to do. Timber Hawkeye. Timber Hawkeye says, you can't calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.

Oh, that's good.

Calm your damn self. You got a question?

Oh, I got lots of questions, but we'll start with this one.

So when Tim Hawkeye walks in, does everybody in the party yell, timbo? And then everybody looks, oh, like, you.

Can'T yell this person's name.

You can't get excited in the forest.

And then Timber's like, you guys have to stop doing that every time I come here.

Yeah, Timber's real annoyed by the fact that his name or her name, I don't know if it's a him or her. It's another evidence for you.

Okay, I got a question for you.

Let's hear it.

This is from. It's about networking during the pandemic.

Okay.

Enferclairmont. When reaching out to a new investor, what is your mindset and attitude?

When reaching out to a new investor, what is your mindset and attitude? I mean, in the beginning, I'm always a bit nervous, so I switch my mindset to, like, hey, this is such a great opportunity. Like, I'm providing the opportunity and I don't ever base. And it's a great opportunity for me to have them as well. But I don't ever hinge an expectation or a need on one person. Meaning, like, oh, I need this person. I can't lose this person. I have to get this person. So I literally come at it like, I'm going to offer them this. I'm super passionate. I'm going to share why I'm so passionate about it. And if they want it, great. If not, great, because if they don't want it, then I'm not in the business of convincing. I always said that with everything that I was in with, you know, sales or network marketing, and it transfers over to this. Like, if I feel I have to do a lot of convincing or that I'm in a state of, like, needing them, it usually doesn't go well. Or if I am noticing that they're not really into it, I make the call that it's not a fit because I'm not going to carry that energy into a relationship together. Because that's really what it is when you're getting investors. It's a true amazing relationship. So I guess I just go on kind of in almost like the excitement of, oh, I could be meeting someone who could be so awesome to be able to work with in the future.

How do you get the confidence to.

Oh, yeah, you really did.

But how do you not get scared?

Oh, I get super scared. And so, you know, there are some calls that I can't answer their questions, so I give myself the freedom to say, hey, you know, I'm so excited that you wanted to jump on the phone. I'm going to try to answer all of your questions today. If I can't answer some of them, what I'm going to do is I will make sure that I get back to you either tonight or tomorrow with the answer. So that frees me up to say, you know what? I don't know that answer yet. And that happened a lot in the beginning. But the more questions that I got, they started to all be the same questions, like, very similar. So as I started doing research for the five questions I didn't know on the first call or the 10 questions I didn't know and felt really stupid. That's hard, right? Yes. There were some calls that I got on with savvy investors, and I felt really stupid, and I just kept saying, hey, I'm new. I'm gonna find this out. Thank you so much for asking this question. It's actually helping me research. Really asked. Does they know that you've been in the building part? Like, you have to give yourself grace. They know that you have been in a separate part of building this business. And especially if you say, you know, this is my first time raising money. I'm learning. We're learning together as I go. And, yeah, the first calls were really bumpy. Like, they felt really awkward. They were really bumpy. And, you know, 5. 5 calls in, I was kind of like, oh, they're all asking the same questions. And as I was getting the answers for, I was learning. So then the next call, I had the answer, you know, So I still get on calls, and I don't have some of the answers, But I'm so grateful they're asking. I think that's the attitude, right? Like, you can hear that. I'm actually grateful they ask questions that I don't know, because it's things that I need to know. So I think just being wildly open to again, like, failing and looking stupid and let that be okay. Like, whenever I literally have to get off some calls and be like, okay, that felt terrible. And you don't feel very smart right now. And I am so proud of you for showing up to that call. And now you get to go learn some more about your company. It's not easy. It's never easy. Every single call, I don't care who it's with. I'm always just like, all right, here we go. It's a growth experience. It's a learning process. And if you're not growing, you're probably unhappy. Yeah.

Because you're in the. Remember how you always say, like, the. The gross pond thing? You're stuck in there.

Yes. You're stagnant. You don't want to be there. Yeah, totally.

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All right, what's our next question? Thank you for that amazing question, person.

Yeah.

Jennifer. Jennifer Claremont. Jennifer Claremont. What a great name.

Great name. She could run for office, right? Oh, Jennifer Claremont is definitely an Aspen right now. And something gold.

I want to be. Yeah, I want to be that as well.

Me too. Oh, this is gonna be good. This one is from Sheila Abatello. What a great name.

Again, what is she wearing right now?

I could see Sheila. Maybe she's in some faux fur.

I like that. I could def. Sheila's definitely wearing furry boots and maybe a little bit of a furry faux fur, faux jacket.

She so is. Okay, Sheila.

Sheila's a sexy name.

Oh, yeah, Sheila's really cool. Okay, how do I create authentic connections virtually that lead to beautiful, lasting collapse? Oh, man, that's a good question. Because we can't, like, leave our houses.

Yeah, this is tough. But I always revert to just like, if you want to really drop in and get close to people quick, you just send them nudes. So. It's like, you know what? I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be vulnerable here because I. Brene Brown talks about how vulnerability creates connection. So it's a tiny butt cheek shot. Don't do that. Don't do that.

That really caught me off guard.

I loved it. Okay, how do we create authentic connection over zoom? I mean, I think it's all your questions because to be honest with you, I am, like, I'm creating really beautiful connections through my podcast. And I know that's because I'm. I'm willing to ask, like, questions that I actually want to know. Um, so I. And what you can do in the beginning is if you do want to connect with people and get on a zoom. Is that what she was asking? Like, over zoom?

Yep. Like how anything virtually that can lead to a long lasting connection.

Like, I think. I think where we go wrong and have trouble is in the beginning, we don't set the expectation for, like, the zoom date. Right. Like, Evans, if I reached out to you because I loved your posts or something, and I was like, hey, let's jump. Are you open to jumping on a zoom? Because I think that we have a lot in common and I noticed that you want to start that. I can't remember what was the company you wanted to start or the thing. Help me. Fill me in again. We talked about me. Yeah.

Oh, oh, wait, wait for like, a paper company.

Yeah. But you wanted. You mentioned you wanted to start something last week. I can't remember what it was.

Oh, who's that lady?

Yeah. Okay, so let's say you're talking about that online and I notice it, right? And I'm like, oh, this is so. This is perfect. Okay, perfect example. Here we go. Evans. All right, so I'm like, evans, I love that you've been talking about starting that thing. I feel like maybe I could offer some input, potentially And I also feel like, like, you could maybe help me with a couple things. Would you ever want to jump on a Zoom for 30 minutes? No longer than that. Like, won't go over that time or 20 minutes. Right. Like a quick coffee just to see if we have any synergy or anything in common. And I think that that also sets you up for like, saying, hey, I want to. I want to get to know you. You know what I mean? Like, let's see if we have any, like, anything in common whatsoever. And maybe when you get on, you're like, hey, you know what? If it goes well, you can say, I'm looking for somebody to like. Maybe we connect every two weeks or three weeks and check in with each other, hold each other accountable, and actually get to know each other on this journey. Say your expectations up front. I think what we do is try to play it cool. Just like the whole thing that doesn't work when you're dating either. Like, being a cool girl, you actually have to say what you need and what you want or you're gonna wake up 10 years from now and be like, I'm so afraid of this person not liking me that I'm actually not even able to be myself. And we do that in relationships all the time. It's like, oh my God, I was trying to impress this person. I'm so scared that I'm being weird right now that now I can't even be myself. When Evans, if you and I were afraid to be weird together, we wouldn't have anything to talk about.

Yeah, there would be silence. It would just be silence.

It'd be pure boredom. Because if I'm not weird with you, I have no idea how to be with you.

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Wait.

It's so true. And do you ever do this when you're trying to meet someone? I'm bad about doing this. I'll say oh we should grab lunch or coffee sometime and then I never follow up.

Oh yeah, it's the worst.

That's the worst. You have to do a follow up like hey, I know I mentioned this. What's your week looking like? How about Thursday?

That's the key right there. And that's actually the key to sales and closing as well. Because if we think about it, friendships and dating are all closing. So if you don't close the sale, you ain't getting a friend.

You got to sell yourself to your beat to get friends.

You got to sell yourself for friends, for dating, for a husband, for sex. You have to do it all. Like, you need a closing date. Like, you can't just be like, hey, that thing that we want to do, like, hey, that's what gets my husband every time. Tonight at nine. Just kidding. That's way too late. I'm in bed by then.

Yeah, that's.

People are sleeping by then.

Oh my God, that's terrible. So you need to literally put the date out there. Like, I just wanted to say, like, the key thing that you had said was, hey, what are you doing on Tuesday or Thursday at 6 or 7 on the same? Like, that is the key to making a sale with anything in closing is actually making sure that you have the final step that you want to achieve in one, like email, text or phone call. So never get on. Like, don't beat around the bush. If you're like, yeah, what does next week look like? Like, I never just even say that. I'm like, yeah, what does your X, Y and Z? Because if you just say next week, you're actually adding in another step. They're like, okay, well, Wednesday I'm free. And you're like, oh, I'm not free on Wednesday. And then they come on Thursday and you're like, no, Thursday doesn't work. Just tell them when you are free. Like, give them options. Like at least two, two to four options, and then they can pick and you're done. Yeah, they're just.

That's all. That process is the worst. That's the worst. I'm so bad at that.

It's business 101, Evan. So you gotta. If you wanna be in the business of making friends, you have got to put four dates down. Four dates and four times. And then you need to say, how about we go to X, Y? Like, you put that down and you're like, if any of these times work, do you want to meet at Bardana or whatever place do you want at Starbucks on X, Y and Z Street? Like, just don't make them guess and don't make them choose. Just put, hey, does Starbucks sound good? Are you a basic bitch like me and you are all about that pumpkin spice right now or chocolate mint?

Yes, the answer is, yes, I am. And I will see you there at Thursday at 12.

Of me. If I asked if you were a basic bitch like me and you were just yourself from the start, you'd be like, oh, yes. Ho, ho, ho. Like, that's what you'd write back. You'd be like, ho, ho, ho. Let's do it up. Santa emoji. And then you freak out all day and, like, does she think I'm calling her a hoe?

I so would do that.

You question yourself, and then you text me like, hey, when I wrote ho, ho, ho, did you think that was weird or.

I didn't mean it.

All right, I feel like we did really good work here today on this podcast.

Yeah, I really feel like people learned a lot, and I just want to apologize to everyone out there.

Do we ever feel like we're in a constant state of apologizing? I think we're supposed to stop that. I saw a meme about it.

Yeah, you're definitely supposed to not do that. But I feel like today I need to apologize, so I'm sorry.

I. I feel worse about it. So. About myself, not you. You can't do anything wrong in that red Target sweater telling you, you guys.

Gotta go get you one. They're like, 15 bucks.

Yeah, you can get away with murder and that with Adam today. Especially if you don't wear any pants, then you're totally great.

Yeah, I don't have on any pants. That's what you're not seeing.

I mean, I can't see it, but that's for her family. So weird. All right, well, I. I'm gonna talk to you real soon. Evans and everybody, thank you so much for listening, and I just know that this enriched your life this holiday season. So until next time, be questionably awesome. Bye, Evan.

Bye, Lori.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye.

Bye.