660. Use Your Story to Get You to the Next Level

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Those that are listening, just really take a step back and again and think about how can I serve others with something that I went through because it wasn't for them, it wasn't for you. It didn't happen to you. It actually happened happen for you.

Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of the Bliss Project. Three time fitness world champion, fitness expert.

And cover model turned self love junkie.

Lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me here we Go. Welcome back to the show. My guest today is Dr. Sonia Stribling. She's a transformation specialist and influence expert known as the General to Giants. She's a retired army major, a recipient of Barack Obama's presidential lifetime Achievement Award, national speaker for the Think and Grow Rich the Legacy World Tour, and former TV host on Bravo network. And now she uses this training and experience to lead thousands to their victory in dominating in their space and use their inner power to ascend to their next level in life and business. Having overcome a series of life changing experiences at a young age, a 21 year military career, a highly decorated combat veteran with a harrowing divorce that left her financially and emotionally baked, Dr. Sonia has drawn upon her past pain to connect her closer to her purpose. Her mission is to use her leadership skills and own her journey as a means to help others ignite their inner strength and realize their true potential as human beings, business owners and world changers. This was such a great conversation on her past and how she's used that to start a business and you guys.

How you can transform your story to.

Help propel you forward. So let's get started.

Sonia, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you. I'm super excited to be here as well. Lori, I cannot wait to jump into this.

I know it's going to be good. I was just talking to you before this briefly talking about how I went to your Instagram because you know, I can read the bios and I can read everything online, but then I went to your Instagram and I'm like, okay, every single post that you have could be a podcast. I was like, so this is like a future co host or she needs her own podcast. That that's what it is for sure.

For sure.

So I'm really, really grateful to have you here. I know that. I know that something for you. You have some like burning topics that you've been really excited to talk about. But I just want to like have all of the guests understand who we're getting to sit with today because you have such a diverse background. I mean, I'm talking, let's see, our army major, Barack Obama, Presidential lifetime achievement award, former Bravo TV host. That's a little bit different from what you were doing. 21 year decorated military career, combat veteran. Oh my gosh, so many things. You've gone through a financial bankruptcy, divorce, you've kind of done it, you've kind of lived about. I don't know, this looks like about five or 10 lifetimes in one life. So I just know that there is so much richness and wisdom that I can't wait to dive into, especially with everything going on in the world right now in the pandemic. So I would love if you could just give us a bit more into that journey just so we can get to know you a little bit better. And then we're gonna dive into some fun stuff first.

I gotta say thank you, Lori, so much. I know you probably hear it, but you probably don't hear it enough for creating such an environment for those listeners that I know that are avid listeners, they're supportive and all of that, because what you're doing is absolutely needed, especially in this time, in this season and what's going on in the world. So the reason why I. It's so important for a lot of us to kind of, especially women, to get our stories out there and our messages is simply because. And if just a very quick story so people understand that. You read a short snippet of my bio and they're like, oh, she woke up like that. This is not a Beyonce song, right? I woke up like this. No, I didn't. And if I can just very briefly go back through my history of having a child at 15 years old and, you know, being raped and left for dead at 17 years old and being in the military for 21 years, being a combat veteran and all of those things. When you say diverse background, I would say that was some, that was some stuff for you. And I want to talk to anybody that is listening that more of you can have that level or that background where it's not perfect, as we say, and still come out today on the other side of that, whatever that other side looks like. For me, it was never going through another bankruptcy, another day in my life. For me, it was taking care of my children. For me, it was surviving that 18 year marriage and ending in divorce that took three years. And so just coming to where I am now, it's important, I truly believe, for women to understand that they can create, pull their seat up to the table, but even more so, they can create their own table.

Oh my gosh. And I can only imagine the journey in between those. I want to go there just for a moment because it is really easy to read people's bios, to be like, yeah, but there must have been some sort of magic or some sort of something that made them do it. And I want, if you could just take us back to those moments and that, that thought process when you didn't have the belief that you could do it. When it was the feeling like, you actually don't know how you're going to get out of it. Like, can you tell me what those moments were of, like, I want to know the actual dark period of, like, what the thoughts were and those past beliefs that maybe you learned from family or whatever that was. And then just that little. Because we know all it is is a glimmer. Sometimes all this is a flash, you know, during a Beyonce song in the car, that you get your higher self, and then it's over.

Y. Sure.

You're like, what happened? Yeah.

Yeah. And then you're like, wait, I'm back here in this life. How do I get out? So what. What was the first moment of, like, I'm going to take. I'm going to keep taking another step.

Yeah. So I can. It's. Every time I share this story, it's like, I get very emotional because I was in this very house. I retired from the military. I was laying on my back on my couch in my living room. I'm in my office right now. And I just remember lying on my back and honestly, and just being very transparent. I wanted to take my life that day. I just. I was just tired. But I thought about. And I'll be honest, it was a selfish thing. I was like, I don't want my ex to get my kids. Right? Like, no, I can't. And then the biggest thing was I don't want my kids to find me like this because I have one that was in middle school, and I had one that was at the University of Michigan playing football. And so I had. And then I have an older son, but he was an adult. Right. And so I just remember lying on my back and just having a flashback of all those things that have happened. Oh, you're never gonna be able to do this. You went through this divorce, and I remember barely had money in my account to pay bills. Here I am, a US army retired veteran. I've served my country. I've done all these amazing things, at least on paper. Right. Like a lot of us have. And I just remember saying, you know what? Okay, you know what the worst feels like? Because I know I had hit rock bottom. What would it look like? And this was the thought I had. What would it look like on the other side of this? And I just started to. I don't. It was a glimpse, as you said. I saw a little bit of light, and I was like, oh, let me go toward the light. What would it look like on the other side of this. And I stopped thinking about myself and I started thinking about other women going through the exact same thing that I went through when I want them to go through it. And I realized I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through that. So I remember getting up and this was like a couple of hours during the day. I went through this whole transformation. I quit. I just take me. No. Because of my faith. Right. I was like, no, I know that's not right. You're not supposed to do that. Your kids are going to find you. And I went through this whole emotional rollercoaster in one day. And I remember my eyes being almost shut because I was crying so hard. Good thing I have lashes back then, Lori. It would have been a hot mess.

Truth, right?

Yep. And so I just remember getting up like, okay, what would it be like? Don't focus on you. Focus on those women that are going through the divorce. Focus on the women that are filed bankruptcy. Focus on the women that are left alone. They're taking care of their kids. And I just started focusing on other women. Not even thinking it was going to be a multimillion dollar business. This wasn't a thought. I just wanted to help women. And what if I could get paid doing that? And so I slowly but surely stopped focusing on me and start focusing on other women. And when I tell you everything about that day, I still look for that woman. But she doesn't show up. Like, you want to make sure she's gone. Right. Okay, where is she at, Lori? Is she coming over there? No, she's not coming.

I so relate.

Right. Because you start thinking about what would it be like on the other side. And so that day of darkness was truly darkness because I had to make a split decision. Are you going to continue this journey? And if you are, you got to continue it differently. You cannot continue to live like this because your children are watching.

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Oh I love that. I love that you shared that because I think I that is what I've heard from so many people who are pull themselves out of it is they kind of go to this place of like, what are my options? Like, okay, you allowed yourself to go to the place of. If I choose this and do this, you're like, okay, that's not an option anymore. Because that's. This is how it would look like. You actually allow yourself to go there. Like, the acceptance of the other side of the darkness. And sometimes I think we, like, toggle in between that. We don't allow ourselves to go there. Do you still use that today? Like, if I don't do this, what will my life look like?

Oh, yeah, I think back to, do I want to go back to that place? Always refer back to that. And the answer is, hell, no, I don't want to. So what do I need to do today to ensure the future version of me gets better? Because it's all about who you become along the way. And so, so many entrepreneurs, especially in this area of women, boy, we think we can separate the two. And I gotta be very candid. We think, oh, my life can be in disarray and I can have this booming business. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie with us. We're emotional beings. Everything that is happening for us is happening to us, is happening for us. And how you do everything is how you do anything. And we cannot separate the two. I don't care how hard we try. We can see the men out there killing it in business. And women are like, ah, reason being. Because we have so many things that we're responsible for to including ourselves, to include ourselves and other people. And we have to understand our inner life. I would say who we are as a person, as a woman, has to be at a good place in order for your business to really go to the next level.

Oh, my God. Okay, there's. There's. Yeah, that's it. There's some points that I'm just like, this is gonna. This is. I think everybody just completely. All the women who listen to this with this is a majority female podcast, I can say that we. When I started on my entrepreneurial journey, it's like I could only go as far as I was willing to grow, like, in my personal life, in relationships, any of it. And it truly does, like, it will throw a legit, like, stop sign or thorn into whatever you're doing. Like a wall. It'll throw up a wall. So let's say you're even. You know, you have these friend circles that don't support you. It's like, oftentimes we have to go back to these Things that are kind of stopping us or we're thinking about or are draining our energy. We have to figure out a way to either patch it up or complete that circle. What would you say to people who are kind of. We'll first talk, like, beginning level for everybody out there who's listening, who' like, oh, damn. You know, I want to start this business, but I just feel like my whole life is a total shit show right now. Like, where would you say. How do we know where the blaring first place to start would be for that?

Well, if you're at the beginning of this and you're really wanting more, you have to really look at your environment. And I know that's not something that we do. And I don't mean just looking in your purse. I don't have any money, My gosh, I don't have this tab. I don't mean like that, but look. Look at your surroundings of one who's around you, and are these people going to support you? And when we start thinking about our girlfriends and our friends and a lot of us think, my bestie and I are about to do this together. Yeah. Okay. I gotta see that. You rarely see the two go together. You see one just outgrow the other and they somehow grow apart. And I thought, no, I'm gonna be different. And I had besties, you know, that were supposed to go and grow with me. Didn't happen. And I began to grow. And then some things began to transform. And so I would. For anyone, men and women that are listening right now, you have to do an assessment of your environment, who's there, who's going to support you. And this is the biggest thing, Lori, be okay. If no one in your doggone circle supports you, you have to be okay with you doing it and possibly doing it alone, per se.

I'm so happy you said that because I think people feel bad. Like, we're. Especially as females. I don't know how you were raised. I'm guessing pretty similar to. In order to kind of, like, measure your value and who you are to people. It's how many people like you and how many people can you please? And, you know, showing up in the way that makes people happy and be a peacemaker and a nurturer and all of the things. So it feels so opposite of, like, who we were maybe raised to be or even our nurturing ways to be. Like, oh, my God, I have to cut some people off. Like, oh, people don't like hearing that.

They could see me right now. With my hand under my neck.

Can you talk about the reward on the other side of making those tough.

Choices, you know, as we talk about this? I had to go through this myself. And it was a lesson learned. It was a hard lesson because I wanted to take everybody with me. I wanted everybody to be there. I wanted them to celebrate me when I got on Bravo. I wanted them to celebrate when I was on NBC or Fox or whatever. I wanted my. My girlfriends and friends and childhood friends to be there. But that wasn't the case. And what I can just remember of giving them the biggest gift that I could give them, that freed them and myself, it was a gift of goodbye and that it was free. It was absolutely free. It was hurtful, but I had to give it because it was either I was going to stay exactly where I was or I was going to begin to go to these places, the unknown place that I was really afraid to go. And just thinking, I believe, Lori, that 98% of the population, right, that are in a place that they're comfortable, they are people pleasers. They want to, you know, everybody be everybody's best friend and all of that. But I truly believe there's a 2 percentile of us that are out there of. Do I want to take everybody with me? Yes. Do I want to help everyone that I am called to serve and help? Yes. However, I realize that not everybody wants that from me. And you have to recognize when they want it. And you can't help everybody. And I always tell women, be comfortable, something and someone to yourself first. Right? You're trying to do everything and everything for everybody else. Become someone and something to yourself first. And I think that's the biggest thing that most people, especially women, have to take. I would say, step face to face and have that hard conversation and really get to their next level.

Oh, so it never gets easier. I just need to share that. It becomes like, it becomes a must is what happens. I think it doesn't become easier, but it just becomes like a crap. There it is. Like, I know it's something I have to do. It's kind of like working out for me. It's just like I will never not work, work out. Like I'll just do it. It doesn't get easier. It just. I just know I have to do it or I'm going to be, you know, neurotic. So you've been.

But you've been disciplined to do it, though. You had to start somewhere and you started training yourself and being disciplined like me working out. I did it for 21 years when I retired. I hate it. I'm done. I am so done. So, yeah, it's challenging for most women to really in people, period, just to understand the discipline that comes with all of this.

Okay, that's great that you shared that. Because it is a discipline which becomes then a habit. And it's funny because we usually relate those things to things like working out, where really it's not. It's tough conversations. And that becomes a habit. You're like, oh, the feeling of not having them becomes so much more painful than, you know, the quick, you know, pain of just like facing that thing. So I just. For anybody listening who has a tough conversation, who's still in avoidance, can you share a little bit about why they need to have that conversation? What's going to happen if they don't?

They have the conversations with friends that they may part ways or business coaches.

And anything that is like that tough conversation of sharing kind of like. Like your truth or why you need to move forward or how something is not going to work for you. Kind of like just the challenging conversations.

The challenging. It starts internally first, before you even have it with someone. Is that internal conversation you have with yourself of, do I need to do this? And your gut is going to tell you every single time, yes, you do, or no, it's not a big deal. Now most of the time it's going to say, yes, you do. And you go against what your gut is telling you because you just don't feel like doing it. But having that conversation of that challenge, conversation of, man, do I have to talk about this now? Do we have to address this now? I want everybody to like me. They're not gonna like me if I say this. And I remember my mother saying, she said, if everybody likes you, Sonia, we have a problem. What do you mean, what I mean? Probably as a teenager, she said, you're so worried about everybody liking you. How about you start getting around people who celebrate you and not just tolerate you? You. Whoa. That changed it for me. Yeah. Think about it. And everybody listening just. We have to think back. Am I around people now who are celebrating me, genuinely celebrating me? Am I celebrating myself? Or I'm just around people that are tolerating me.

And as soon as everything is left.

Are they still there? Probably.

Oh, man, that is so good. I can think of times in my life where I for sure was just being tolerated by people. That feels horrible. Yeah. You can't express yourself. You can't be yourself. You'll never grow into your highest self because it's not celebrated, it's not welcome, and it's not a. It's not a safe container to grow and to become who you're meant to be. Wow, that. That is so good. Okay, so you have been, like, really, really excited about the topic of being a, like, Kitchen Table CEO. Let me know what that means to you and why right now this is so pertinent.

It's like breath of fresh air. And the reason where I would say where Kitchen Table CEO came is more because of the pandemic, right? And what is happening. And I tell people, the world, it really showed us who we are as a country, as a nation, as people, as business owners, as entrepreneurs. It exposed everything but what it did. It made me realize that we're all in the same ocean, but we're not all in the same boat. And that means that many of you that are listening right now have the opportunity to take something that you already own, that's on the inside of you, that people probably have been asking you questions about. And you've been helping a single mom, or you've been helping a married couple, or you've been helping women find their next level, or you've been helping women start their podcast or whatever the case may be, but you've never thought about it as a business. And thinking about it, in a way, of it is a business, but it is truly your calling. It's your purpose in life. And when we begin to look at this Kitchen Table CEO, it's literally you being able to sit at your kitchen table, dining room table, living room table, on your bed, wherever you want, and becoming a CEO and really building that level of legacy, that level of worth. I honestly, Laura, I sit back and I was just having a conversation with some of my clients today. Many of them have generated 20, 30, $50,000 in a short period of time, less than 90 days. We're in a pandemic.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

One of them for you.

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How in the world is that possible? Because they clearly now understand that they have something that people need. If you can solve someone else's problem, you will never be broke another day in your life.

So true. I'm over here just amening because I see it every day and it's what you look for, right? And that's going to bring me to my next question. Like so many of the things that you have said from the start of this, if you really go back and think about it and listen for everybody listening, so many of your beliefs and how you're viewing things. Because right down you said, you know, this pandemic just exposed everything. Like it wasn't necessarily. You didn't say, oh, it's the worst thing ever, oh my gosh, what do we do? You're like, wow, opportunity. And it kind of just exposed who you are, what was working, what's not, and what you could do. And it's, I think taking those beliefs and applying them to everything that you do is really what makes you successful or not or to be able to see it. So with that said, the next question for you is what are some overlying like truths? Like what are some beliefs for you that you know in business you can literally apply to anything. And it's like a universal truth for you that you've seen no matter what come through for you, if you apply this belief, it's going to help you move through to the next thing.

I would say there's probably two things on that. Number one, you have something that people need and you've been taking it for granted that it was a big deal or that it was no big deal. And number two, and before I share number two, I want to kind of share this whole thing that is happening. Well, let me go to it. The digital world is where we're at now and it's probably not going anywhere for a very long time, 10, 15, 20 years. And some have kind of waited, like I'm going to see, and they've kind of escaped the digital world. But what is happening? It's like the Walmart came in like mom and pop stores that were there and then Walmart came in and just took over. It wasn't like Walmart wanted to do that, but Walmart was growing with the time. And as an entrepreneur, and I do believe there's two different things as an entrepreneur, as a business owner. Right, Entrepreneurs, after this hustle, what's my next best deal? What's my next client? Where am I going to get that? And the business owner is like, okay, I'm in this to win it. What is it that I need to do to get to my next level? Which takes me to this whole theory. By 2025 the coaching consulting world would be at over $325 billion industry. Now what I want to ask everyone, what if just a small percentage of that was in your household?

Yes.

How would life change for you? Right. If you knew that if you could just get in while the wave is coming. Let me get on this surfboard. Let me get on it. You if you can get on it right now and really ride it out, what would you do differently? And I would challenge many of you to think about it like this, this whole world, this is the first time in history, right, that you know, we have the industrial age, we have all those ages. Back then you weren't born into money, so you would probably die poor. Right now you're looking at this era. You don't have to be born into money. You can create wealth, wealth from your knowledge and your expertise. You just have to understand this one very simple thing. Have to understand how to package it. That's where the whole kitchen table CEO theory and I get so passionate about it because now it gives women like ourselves the opportunity to go. It's like, you know what, let me write my own check. I don't have to go get a job, right? I don't have to go get another level of education. I thought if I could just be real, I thought if I went and got a PhD, it was going to help me make all of this money. I was just going to. Yeah, right. It didn't. It didn't. And so now when people, well, what's your degree? And I kind of chuckle like, huh? Oh yeah, I have a PhD. I'm a licensed clinical faith based faith counselor. That's what I was, I said, transform. Because I understand this consulting world at a whole nother level and it gives you the opportunity to create, go from 0 to 100k a year, 100k a month, even 100k weeks. And I sit back like, I almost missed it because I thought education, I had to have more of it and that's not what I needed. Wow.

I spent a lot of years in that place of like, I don't have the education, I have this, I have all of these different things that I, that I blamed until I was like, wait a minute, what is this Internet thing? I was like, hold on, wait. These people really like, they like what you're saying. They like come and tune into you. They want more of this information and they're not sitting here going, can you tell me where you were educated at? They're like, wow, this is helping me change. And so I think if you just like you said, like, if you can create a result, if you've created a result within yourself from who you were to who you are now, and it's like, damn girl, nice job. You can apply that to someone else. That's a start. So let's start like low level and then I want to move up, you know, to people who maybe are kind of, like, stuck at or wanting to make six figures or wanting to move into seven figures. So let's first talk about the people who are just completely pivoting and like, wow, okay. I definitely want to ride this wave and starting to wonder what questions they should be figuring out to see how they can help and what their mission is.

Right? That's a great question. So it is more of. I want them to really think about. Now, let me. Let me slow down on this because I get excited and I'll start talking, talking fast. Think about that one thing, and it may be multiple things that people ask you about all the time. And you just. I call it. You just list it off. You need to do this, you need to do that. How do you bake that cake? You put this in there, you put that, and you just go on because you're so passionate about it. What is that thing, that item that you can help someone else solve a problem about? There's something that you went through in your life. For me, I just started out, I was a divorce coach. You know why? Because I didn't want another woman to go through all of that. That's how I started. It's like, let me just help women through the process of divorce so they don't worry about their ex, so they take care of their kids. They get things settled, you know, financially, if they didn't have a job. Hey, let's figure out what your skills are. What do you need to do? And it went quickly from that to relationship. Being a relationship expert, imagine that I've been through a divorce, but people still wanted my expertise. Like, this is odd. The very thing that. Why are you asking me? They kept asking. And one day, this is the biggest thing that I really want people to hear. I was standing on the stage. I was in a room, probably about a thousand women. And I was so into my book. I've written a book about divorce and all of that. But I remember coming down off the stage and people were just surrounding me. And my team was there, and people were running to the table about book and all of that. But this one lady came and tapped me on my shoulder, and she said, Excuse me, Dr. Sonia, I have been following you for years, and I just want to know, I need your help. And I said, well, just go to the table for the book. And she said, no, not in the area of relationships. I was like, what else can I help you with? She said, I want you to show me how you built your business. Because I watched you do this. There was no Facebook ads. There was none of that. It was all organic. She said, I just want you to. To show me how to do that. That was three years ago. This is a short period of time.

Yes.

She said, can you just show me my first 10k client? And the rest is history, as they say, because now people have watched me be successful in it. Now can you just show me. Obviously you know something, because I watch you do this. And so now I get to travel the world now virtually more so than anything, and share with others how do they build their business from their kitchen table and do what they love, spend time with their family. One young lady just brought her husband home. He was working a hard job. She's like, I just want to bring my husband home. Like, wow, that is amazing to me. So just those that are listening, just really take a step back and again and think about how can I serve others with something that I went through because it wasn't for them, it wasn't for you. It didn't happen to you. It actually happened for you.

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Okay, so the moment that the woman came up and asked you about show me how you built your business, this is that moment that I think is happening to people but they miss it. So you weren't ready for that moment, right? You weren't like hey guess what? I've been totally game planning with my team and waiting for someone to ask me about this. You probably had nothing prepared, but you said yes to something and said I'm gonna frickin figure this out on the back end and went home and scrambled to figure out how you were gonna. I mean, I'm guessing that's how it was because that's how it's been for me my entire life. But can you Tell me how that women can take these moments or open their perspective to start seeing these moments and what the transition of saying yes, yes, before you're ready looks like.

You know, if I could go back to that moment, I was looking at her with deer in the headlight. Look like, what are you talking about? Like, you want me to do what? And at that moment, I knew enough about my value, and it took me a minute. And so, like you said, I wasn't really prepared. I had an order form for some other stuff, and I was like, okay, yeah, my team asked them to bring up an order form, right? And I just wrote in there, business consulting. And she said, okay, how much is it? And she said, whatever it is, I'll pay. I said, okay, it's 10K. And I took it through a process. Didn't have anything lined up. But one thing I did know, I knew how to do it because I built a coaching business. I just hadn't shown anyone else how to build their business at that time. And then people start coming, and she was getting success and she was doing this. And I've had people quit their jobs. They're doctors. They're already making six figures. Who quits their job? Because now they get the opportunity to spend time and have that freedom and actually do what they love. I keep going to that. And so at that moment, I almost missed it because I almost questioned, was I good enough? Yeah, can I do this? Why me? Am I being punked? Somebody look in their chicken? Make me think of all of that. But from that moment on, I realized that, wow, I have my hands on something. And for those people that are out there thinking, well, somebody else is already doing that, There is no competition. The only competition you have is you. There's no other competition, because what you bring to the table is totally different from what someone else brings to the table that may be in the same industry. Yes, there are a lot of coaches and consultants and people that are out there, but no one can do it like you more than anything. So that's the biggest thing. Think about what's in your hand. I always say that what's in your hand, that you can create. Best thing about this, you get to create it however you like.

Oh, man. Okay. So for the. For the woman who is listening to this, and I can literally see all of them right now who are. You know, they have great businesses. Maybe they're on their way to, you know, six figures a year or maybe.

Whatever.

Whatever that goal is in their head, but they're kind of like, looking at that next level and feeling a bit. Either stuck or a bit. Bit freaked out over. Over the next level, which, by the way, you guys, I'm looking at. I'm looking at you right now, and you have next level behind your head on the wall, which is so cool. I've been talking about going to the next level right now, like, all the time. It's kind of the topic that I'm, like, stuck on. So I'm like, a little bit like, this is so funny for me today that you have that behind your head. That's all I can see. So for that person in kind of talking about how when we think that we're stuck or when we think that we've reached that top of where we're at, what would you tell them? Like, for you, when you've been in that place of like, oh, God, here's the next level. Who do I need to be? And is it possible to get there? Like, when you put out this. Whether it's a number or this perception of who you have in your head, like, there's this gap, and it's so big. And sometimes the more levels, the more that you grow, sometimes the gap can feel bigger. So tell me how you close that gap.

Well, you know, it's very simple to me, I believe, and I'm gonna kind of break this down, is you cannot go somewhere you've never been before. Like, you just can't. And when you want to go there, it could take you a very long time because you have to wrap your mind around, oh, can I do this? And you're over here dilly dallying around, why can't I do it? And all of that. And then your counterpart started at the same time, and they have skyrocketed to the top. And you're like, wait a minute, what's wrong with me? And you start to question yourself. And for me, it was made it a point. And this is the number one thing I can share with everyone. Go find someone who has done what you desire to do. Why would you take forever to get to the top of the mountain when someone has a doggone ladder on the other side and you want to climb one aquarium to the top? No, there's a ladder on the other side. Just go around. But that's cheating. No, it's being smart. Because if you've never been there, you've never done that. And that's especially for those who's like, oh, I want to get to my six figures. I'm almost there. I always Say there's like a building stage. The building stage. I know there's something on the inside of me. There's this power. I can feel it. It's like bubbling. Laura, you know what I'm talking about?

Oh, yeah.

You can feel it. Just can taste it. And then you get to a place of, okay, I can feel it and taste it. But how do I get there? For me, I would have sought out those coaches that I needed in my life. And I didn't understand about the coaching realm of things. But I've been a coach my whole life. We all have, right? If you think about athletes and things like that, the athlete, the LeBron James of the world, of course, my favorite basketball player, not Michael Jordan, but LeBron, okay, we're going to go back and forth and LeBron has three to five coaches helping him. Not just a coach on the field, or, excuse me, out on the field, but on the court. But he has a coach outside of that. He has people that are working with them. So if the LeBron James of the world and the Oprah Winfrey's of the world and, and the Steve Jobs and all those people had coaches along the way, what makes us so good that believe that we don't need them? And once I realized that, I said, okay, it's on. So I have three coaches at one time and one of them. And I'll be. And also keep saying I'm gonna be very transparent because that's just who I am. I said, I wanna be a billionaire. I reached the goal. I wanna be the first millionaire in my family. How can I be the first billionaire? And I know for someone thinking, well, it's not about money. Can I talk to them just for a second?

Please do. I would love this conversation.

Yes. Can I have a conversation for those who are mind, money is not everything. You're absolutely correct. However, it does make the world go round and there's so many reasons why. Now it would be nice for us to be able to write a check to our favorite charity, to write a check to a family member, to write a check to, you know, the first responders. It would be nice if you could do that and not miss the money.

Yes.

And that's the reason why I say this is the opportunity for you to create that level of wealth that you really want. And it's not just me, go buy this, let me get this house. But you can have help others. I had to learn that along the way because I honestly thought when I started making that level of income, I'm gonna shop till I drop. I shop less than I ever. I know. Yes.

Same. I'm like, I actually just want to, like, click and buy online and very few things and. Yeah, so true. But I felt the exact same way.

Changes. It just does.

You're like.

Because, you know, you're in the world of lack, and now you're in the world of overflow and abundance and all of those things. So it changes. And so really getting those people that are going to help you get there. And please don't be that chick. I say don't be that chick. To think that your education is going to get you where you want to go. Whatever got you to where you are right now is not going to get you to where you really want to go. And if you think in that world of $350 billion has something to do with your education, I'm sorry. I call it surgeon's income without the hours and. And the responsibility.

Okay, we're going to just rewind that part and play it again for everybody. That is so a core message for me because I've been broke and I can't help anyone, and I've been not broke and been able to help a lot of people, and it's way cooler to be able to help a lot of people, and it feels so freaking good. So I love that. And also, I think it's so important for women, just like you had said, to be removing that block, like, it's a very powerful thing. When I hear you say that you want to be a billionaire, because I'm like, wow, I do too. And I don't say it enough, but that just gave me so much power to be like, wow, what could we do with that? So thank you for even, like, just saying that is so powerful. I needed to hear that today. Okay, so for the person, you know, who, what I want to talk about is kind of the new level, new devil, how your fears have transformed currently and how they're. What they were and how they're now currently just fancier and showing up for you.

Oh, my gosh, they show up. People like, you seem fearless. You seem. Feel like, no, I have fears. But what I don't do is let my fears paralyze me. Because at the beginning, I think this took me a long time to do, like, what are you talking about? You made a quarter of a million dollars in a day. I said, but it took me that day. But it took me almost 90 days because I had to get my mind wrapped around. I can't do this it's not gonna work. And I thought about all the way ifs, you know, the things that we do that probably somebody's thinking right now, what if it doesn't work? And I start shifting those fears to really help me get to my next level and cowpoke me there. And it's like, okay. When the fear came, it gave me the indication I'm on the right path. Because the new devil is not bothering those that are sitting still. He's not going to bother you. Why would he bother you? You're not moving, you're not doing anything. You're just comfortable where you are. He's not gonna bother you, but he will bother the woman who. As soon as you start thinking just like that, I wanna do this, things begin to happen. And they're normally to deter you from doing it. And so the fear shows up. He and all his friends, doubt, neglect all that. It shows up. But you have to really get to a place where you're like, you know what? This is supposed to happen. And every time, and even just the other day, there's some big things that I'm working on. I'm waiting on responses for like, TV and things like that. And I got nervous. Oh, my gosh, people gotta find out about me. Like, find out about what? You talk about everything. Like, oh, yeah, you're right. Like, yeah, you're right. And so my mind was trying to play tricks on me and the fear started to set in. So it doesn't go away. You just learn how to handle it and channel it in a different way.

So good. So when you're. Let's talk about that. When you're waiting. The waiting game.

Yes.

So we. First of all, it was hard enough to send the emails constantly, right? You're just like, here we go. Like, pray and spray.

And like, then.

There'S this waiting period of like, okay, I'm not the. My value doesn't fall on the answer that comes back, but I'm manifesting this. Please, God, let this happen. I fully surrender. And how am I supposed to feel? Because now I'm scared. So am I pushing it away or do I have faith? What does faith feel like, God? Because I'm forgetting. Because I'm scared. Like this whole, like that dance that I go through every single. Like, it doesn't go away, right? It's a dance of like, I'm freaked out. Okay, have faith, lean in. Ah, yes, God's taking it. And then it's like, oh, my God, I'm scared. So can you talk about that like people forget, I think they don't think, like looking at you, I would never think that you'd be like at your house going, oh God, I wonder if that's going to come through. And that's right. Okay. You know, faith, all of these things. So can you tell me about that dance that you go through and how you keep leaning into faith?

I have worn out some shoes with that dance, like worn them out. And I would say faith and fear can't operate in the same body. It just can't. One has, one is there and the other one can't be present. So you can't. You know, I have this conversation with women, especially about their, their faith and especially for women of faith because it seems to be this thing that we, I say we push on God or whoever our higher power is and we put it there so we can take, have no responsibility. And I'm sorry, you have responsibility because this is your life. You get to pick and choose what you want. And just because you have, you know, your higher level of faith doesn't take away the responsibility that you have. And so I have this very candid and very open conversation, especially when I'm on stages and I do interviews and I always talk to women of faith because we have this tendency, like you said, spray and pray or pray and spray or whatever the case may be. It's okay for you to pray? Absolutely. You're supposed to pray, but now you got to do some work. Work. Yes, that is the biggest part. And so for me, I just, I don't, I can't really explain what has happened because can I tell you the truth, sometimes I wonder, like, who is this woman you have become? Where did you come from? And it's through the walk on this journey to know that I own my power. That's my biggest thing for 2019, 2020. I'm probably going to take that to my grand. I own it. And power for me stands for possibilities and the opportunities that are given to us. And the W is for wealth, worth and well being. Then you get to the E is doing things in excellence. And R, my favorite R, responsibility. We all have a responsibility to do the things we've been called to do. And many of us kind of turn a cheek like, he's not talking to me. Yes, he is, because he gave it to you. We don't have these visions by ourselves. Yes, they happen and they're there for a reason.

Yes, I love talking about that and I wish more people would talk about it. That if you're seeing it. That is not you coming up with something epic. That is like your. That is like a carrot from somewhere else to be. Like, let's get going. Like, let's get off your butt. And, you know, even. Even how you were talking about, like, in the beginning, your motivations are going to be different. Like, I don't judge the carrot. Right. Like, I'm different. Things got you motivated in the past, right down to, like, what you said, like, in the beginning, I was like, you know what? I just want to be able to go buy the organic cottage cheese. Like, that was motivating to me. And then it was like, I want to walk into a store and not look at a price tag. And then it was like, hey, I think I'd like to take care of, you know, my parents or maybe their car payment. It's like, things really start changing. But I think some people, we talk a lot about whys, and there are people that I talk to in rooms who are like. Like, I don't know my why. I can't even get to my why. Because right now they feel like some of their needs aren't being met. So can you speak a little bit about, like, not necessarily judging, not having your initial desire to want to be. To feed, you know, maybe children on the other side of the planet or whatever that looks like, and to kind of, like, let that thing motivate you.

Yeah. And, you know, because many of us are starting businesses because of different reasons. Some maybe, again, bring your spouse home or, you know, you've been led to do this, and maybe it wasn't initially about the money. And then you start making money like, oh, this is real. This is better than a job, you know, and then, you know, other reasons why you just. For me, it was just to pay my bills. I only wanted to make $10,000 a month. It wasn't about feeding kids on the other side of the world. I was trying to feed my own.

Right, Totally.

So it just really shifted because you start thinking about, like, why am I doing? I asked myself that all the time. Why am I doing that? And until I got to the real reason why is because I'm good at it, is because I've been called to do this, because this is what I was created for. When you get to that place where, you know, like, you have to breathe, this is, like, breathing to me. If I don't do this, I feel like I would die.

Yes.

And people like, are you that serious? I was like, yes, I am. I can go fight for my country. I can push out three babies. I can go, you know, do all these things. Sure. Surely I can help another woman build her business if she would just listen to the sound of my voice, and I'll show her how it's done. Like, it seems that simple to me. So you have to figure out what it is. And the biggest thing, Lori, to really answer that question is you have to be intentional. I truly believe that many women are not intentional about their lives. We're allowing things to happen. I felt guilty about that. I know I was wrong. Like, oh, whatever. Like, what? What is it that you want? You know, when I start thinking about what it is that I wanted, I begin to see it manifest right before my very eyes. Like, where did it come from? Well, I was just talking about it a few minutes ago, and voila, here it is. It's like, okay, let's see if this works again. And I continue to do it. And so I would just kind of challenge everyone listening, be intentional about what you want, know what it is you want. Just don't say, I want a business. Well, what kind of business do you want? Want? What level of income? And this is a big one. If I may, for those that are out there in their business, I need you to really write down how much money do you really want to make? The next question is, how many clients do you need to work with to get there? That's the part right there that many don't know. I'm just working. Well, how many people do you want to serve this year? My goal, the end of the year, will be at a thousand. A thousand women that I've helped get to their next level business, come home from their jobs, be on sports speaking platforms, write their book, be a coach. I call it a triple threat. That is the goal. We're almost there. And it blew my mind because it got there. It went so fast. Every year it was 500. This year is 1000. We're almost there. And so. And one last thing, if I may. There's something that just popped up when you were saying something. What? I realized that for the women and some men, but mostly women. Do you realize that about 61% of women would rather talk about their death than money? They don't want to talk about it. Yeah. And. But you're in business. But if I ask you about what do you want to make? Oh, it's not important to me. Well, why are you in business? Make it a hobby. Go have an expensive hobby if you want. And so just think that that's the hobby. I love it. It's like, are you building a business or are you building a hobby?

Totally.

Hobbies are free. Yeah, for sure. Yes.

You're like, there's no plan here. There's, like, no actual plan.

And.

And I think everything that you've said is so empowering around making sure you're intentional and making sure you have that goal and remembering, like, the more abundance you have, the more you can overflow that to whatever areas that you want. And. And I think it's, you know, once in a while we can get into a place. I can get into a place. I can be in a room with women who get into a place of, like, kind of feeling bad for wanting these, like, big goals. How do you support yourself around the big goals so that you never slip into, like, like, oh, maybe I shouldn't, like, want that type of house, or maybe I shouldn't want to be a billionaire, or maybe I shouldn't want whatever that is.

That is so funny that you're asking. So this weekend, I have an appointment to go look at this house. And I'll be honest, if I may share. It's 12,000 square feet. The realtor, when she's been working with me for some months now. The first time, she's like, maybe I ask, your kids are grown, you're not married. I don't see a dog or anything, so why do you want it? And I said, you know, I'm glad you asked. I have asked myself for years, what is it that I really want? And I always kept that number very small and comfortable for me, because that's all I knew, right? And as a single woman, I knew when I started going looking at these. These houses here in Atlanta, Georgia, that people are like, well, what do you need this for? And I started thinking about. Not for me, but I started thinking about my kids, clients. What could I do in this home? Yes, I have three kids. I'm thinking about my grandchildren whenever they do come. My kids, you know, they're cool now. No kids, but it is just thinking about when they get married, they could come in the house. But I start thinking about my clients. I wanted to show my clients how this is done, not just the coaching piece. Hey, come on over. We're going to have a VIP day in my house. I want them to experience that. No one ever did it for me. And it's like, what would it be like if I could just meet someone who was doing this? Okay. Oprah's kind of, like, untouchable right now, but if I could be close to it to show them how it's done. And it wasn't to impress them. It was to impress upon them that you can have this too. You can lose everything. You can lose houses, cars, money, husbands, all of that, but then you can come out on the other side and knowing if you lost everything again, you could get it back. And so when you said how house, it's like you get to do whatever you want. That the freedom of it. Like, yeah, let's, let's do this. And I always think about, well, how many clients do I need to do this? That's my new thing. And my, I taught the ladies that I work with, you want to do this. How many clients do you need? Dr. Sonia, you always say that. I said, because you're thinking about your business as a hobby. It is a business. I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg is thinking, so how do we get to x 100,000 people a minute on Facebook? What do we need to do? He's thinking about numbers. And so should we.

Yeah.

Oh my. Yes. I should just like have this like buzzer that just like everyone claps and yells yes. So I love this because it's just going to say it again. Especially as women, I think that we can be this thing where we're like, well, we should be thinking about how many people we can help and who we can shift.

Yeah.

Yes. But in order for you to show up in a certain way or this new up leveled way or this new expansive way, a lot of times I start with the number and I'm like, what number would make me show up as a totally different person? And I'm like, oh, that one scares me to death. And we're going to go with that. And then I work backwards with pricing on how many people would that be. Am I able to like, like really root down and know that I'm worthy of that number and I'm going to show up for that value? Like, I'm going to show up and be the person who can create that value, whatever that looks like. And then the ripple effect will be not only, I think when we expand into those bigger numbers, I think that is full on. Just like what you're going to do with this home that you're getting and is going to be freaking amazing is going to show them that you chose something that was going to expand you and you were going to show, invite people into your expansion, which then will completely expand them. You know, I think that we all work in different ways like that, but I Think that, you know, we are. Even though we're obviously spiritual beings, I think we do live in a physical body, and I think the physical can be very expansive and motivating for us if we use it correctly, you know, as a tool for us to reach new levels. So I love that you shared that, because I am currently in a similar state right now, and I'm just like, yeah, yes, yes.

And you know what?

Even if we're making up the reasons, like, even if these reasons are totally made up, they're making us become bigger and reach more people. So thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Okay. What is something that you wish more people asked you? What are people not asking that you wish they would get to a better question?

It is, can you help me? Honestly? Right. Can you help me? And they ask it inadvertently, though, but it is more just asking for help. Because this world that we live in, this is not just for me. This is not just like, I feel like I'm just figuring this out. Not really, but kind of like, I have people, the Lisa Nichols of the world and the Les Browns, and all these folks are years ahead of me. And then when you get compared to them, they're like, where did they get that from? I just came out of the military. I'm like a baby in this. And it's because I decided whatever I do, I'm going to be the very best at it, Right? And knowing that you went through the journey and you have the model and the strategy and the structure, and I just. Here, Lori, I'm just going to put it in your lap. I'll help you unwrap it. That's my biggest thing. I would. I would really wish that more women would ask, can you help me? Like, hey, I give. Can you just. I've seen this happen. I've seen you do it. I trust. And they bet on themselves first. Not betting on me. They bet on themselves and they invest in themselves. I think that's one of the biggest things of where do I invest in myself? And when I realized I needed to do that, I feel like at times, where do I need to go invest. Invest next? This is how I am. Like, I need to invest somewhere, and it's just sitting there. Where do I go invest my time, my money, and my energy that is really going to help me get to my next level. Whatever that next level is for you, you really need a partner to really help you walk that out and figure out what it is. Because we don't know what we don't know. And it's costing us a lot.

Yes. Yes. Well, I have so loved every second of this conversation. I could talk to you forever. I want to make sure that everybody can know how you can help them. Because now they're like, great, I'm going to ask you the question, so how can you help them? Where can they find you? Follow you? What are you working on right now?

Absolutely. So the biggest thing I'm working on now is a book, my third book, and it's called no More Damn Excuses. Exactly. For the woman entrepreneur and business owner to help her have more confidence and guidance in her business. Right. And so that you can follow me on all social media platforms at iamdr Sonja with a J. And then those that really want. Let me say this, Laurie, I need to preference this. Right. Those that are serious about they're really ready to stop standing on the sideline and watching people half as talented as they are rise to the top and do things that they wish they could do, but their competence and their lack of guidance is stopping them from really getting there. Those are the women and men per se, but more so women that I really want to help that you're tired of not doing it the way you want. And I say perfect because this is not perfection. I am nowhere near perfect. But those women are tired of being perfect and they want progression. That is going to be more important than anything. Right. And so I guess I just need to send them to. They can go and have a conversation with me or my team@drsonja.com appliance and they can just schedule a time for us to have about 45 minutes so I can really pick your brain and see where you are to help you really build your coaching business and more so of what's that message? I believe in speaking like you're speaking now. This is a great platform. There's so many women that can be doing the things that you do, but they just don't know how and where to start.

Yes. Oh, my gosh. Okay, everybody, I'm going to put that in the show notes as well, so you can go and check it out.

Out.

I'm so grateful for you. Thank you for giving us your time, all of your passion, all of your wisdom, all of your vulnerability in your story. And I'm super grateful that we connected. So you guys definitely go find her and follow her. And, you know, one of the biggest gifts that we can give our guests is to let them know how they impacted you. So what I'm going to have you do is to Upload your stories. You guys know I love to share your stories of you listening to the podcast. So I will have you tag Dr. Sonya. So can you say your Instagram handle one one more time?

I am Dr. Sonya with a J. That's with a JJ. I am Dr. Sonia.

Wonderful. So you're going to tag her, you're going to tag me, and you're going to say what your biggest takeaway was so that you can give her the gift of knowing that she gave you some major impact in your life. So, you guys, we can't wait to see those stories. You guys know that I always share them. So until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest, honest thought and honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye.

Bye.