674. Q&A: Building Confidence (continued)

It's just weird to call an 8 year old Margaret. We called her Peggy too. And then, oh, can we go down the rabbit hole of why in the hell is your name Peggy if your name is Margaret? You can't even get the word Peggy from Margaret.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go.

Evans.

Welcome back to Questionably awesome, where you are my incredible co host and we answer the audience's Q and A's. And you guys, if you've been listening to the podcast or if you haven't and this is your first episode, we're letting you know that it's called Questionably awesome for a reason. This is where it's questionable if we're awesome, but there's no question in our mind.

No, our mind is very confident.

Yeah. This is a place where we want to laugh, we want to have some lightness, and we want to have some fun. So if you're feeling weighted down. Well, actually, if you're feeling weighted down, come on over.

Yeah, sit by us.

Come sit by us. You have an open chair. There's multiple open chairs. We are your friends. Come sit at this table. You can sit with us.

Yes. Well, you're welcome here.

Yes. So, you know, I like to refresh people on this story because I don't think they know, but you actually, years ago, used to be my assistant, which is so crazy. I don't think, like, I don't think people know that. And it's because I don't think a lot of people know that because we don't talk about it that much. Yeah, remember your book?

It was when your book was really big. We went book tour.

Oh, my God. We went on book tour together. We, like, did all the things. And it's really funny because I'm actually. I was so, so sad when you said you were moving on. Like, so sad. Like, I cried when you told me. But I'm so happy because it allowed us to, like, Have a totally better, even deeper relationship.

It's been pretty cool. I'm pretty excited about it because even though I would another book. And also, if you want some help with your book tour, I would love to volunteer for your second book, please. Thank you.

That's coming. That's coming right up. Actually, I would like to write another book in the next couple of years, so. For sure. For sure. That's happening. You're coming.

I will volunteer.

Life. What's been going on?

We got so much snow, Lori, it's nuts.

Which is so weird to me. Like, once you start living somewhere, you guys, that's warm. I'm from the Midwest. I am from the snow. Thirty years in the snow, and then moving to California and then moving to Arizona, I'm like, there's snow in other places, but it's going on literally everywhere right now. So are you doing in the snow or what?

Well, it's really nice here because in the south, everything shuts down. But here, the roads get plowed, people clean off their sidewalks. You can still walk your dog and stuff. The hard part is just like, layering up. That's the most exhausting part to me.

Oh, my God. We used to go. So we would still walk every day, you guys. Chris and I are walkers. We've been walking every day since we got together, like, 17 years ago. And so when we lived in the Midwest, we still totally walked in a blizzard, in the cold, there were very few days, unless it was really below zero, that we did not walk. And so it's like a 15, 20 minute process of, like, getting dressed, putting on the layers. Like, I would wear ski goggles on these walks because my eyes were so cold and my face was so cold. And so Chris and I would laugh because we. We had taken a couple selfies, like, in the mirror of us, like, completely bundled up. I would wear those robber ski masks.

Not rubber.

Not rubber robber. So where your nose is covered and only your eyes are out. And then I'd put goggles over them.

Oh, my gosh. That had me freezing.

It was freezing. And I just didn't want to be miserable, you know? Yeah.

But once you have the gear, you're good to go.

Yeah. You just gotta get used to it. You gotta just plan in a little bit of time, so. And it can be really beautiful. I remember we lived in Minneapolis on, like, the chain of lakes. So it was like Lake Calhoun, Lake of the Isles, and Lake Harriet. Lake Calhoun now has a different name, so I don't remember what it is, but it Was so cool. Cause we'd walk out on the lakes when they were frozen, and sometimes you'd, like, see through the ice. And it was just. It was pretty magical. Like, very desolate, really cold, but really magical at the same time. Like, if you can find. Like if you can find the magic in the. Nothing I actually really wrote. Ended up writing a lot about that, even in my book. Like, about how, you know, sometimes in winter you feel like there's nothing going on and it just looks so bleak and it's just this big white blanket and it's freezing. Like, there is so much rejuvenation going on and so much going on underneath the ground and so much going on with animals and they're recharging in the. You know, what's going on with trees and all of these things that it's like, wow, this is such a rejuvenating, resting, like, recharging time that you have to have in order to, like, have this fresh spring and this amazing summer. And so I really thought about that even as humans, like, really trying to just realize that it can look so bleak, but there can be so much going on underneath the surface in your life that you can't see and that you just have to trust, like, you have to know that spring is coming even though you can't freaking see it. And it's April, and you're like, did we really just get snow again in our lives? Like, so many good analogies for that. It's crazy.

I saw. So I refilled our bird feeder, and it had been empty since we got here, and it took weeks. I was like, where are the birds? It was just all these chunky squirrels. And then finally a red cardinal came.

Oh, my God. Wait, when.

I know this was like three days ago.

Oh, a red cardinal came in the middle of, like, winter.

Yes. So I took it as a sign.

Bet you should switch teams who you cheer for.

Yes. I am now a Cardinals fan.

Yeah, Good deal. I love when the universe shows us, like, what football team fans we should be. All right. Quote.

Oh, yeah, it's about Beyonce.

Of course it is.

Had to go with Beyonce. And she says your self worth is determined by you don't have to depend on someone telling you who you are.

Okay. I love that that's by Beyonce because I can only imagine how many people tried to tell her who she is and what she should be like and how she should show up on stage and what she should wear and. And I just literally can't imagine her. I'm sure she Got lost for a little bit at some point in her career because we all get lost. But I feel like she is just her. Is her Persona. I feel like she just. I don't know. It's amazing because she really did create herself after breaking off from. What was it? Destiny's Child. Yeah, totally. It had to be a hard decision, too.

So hard.

And have you seen the Britney Spears documentary?

No, but I need to.

I really liked it because it's crazy how much has changed in the world since like, 20 years ago and how we treated women and how. Oh, man, it's crazy.

It's funny, Brittany. I mean, her Instagram confuses me right now, but I'm sending her so much love because that is a real. Like, I can't imagine how she grew up and all of the things. But anyway, yeah, sometimes it'll pop up because I follow her and I'm like, huh?

All right.

I like, really? It is so funny. I have actually prayed for Britney Spears multiple times because I'm like, I just feel for her. I can't even imagine what's going on, so. And who knows what's going on? All right, so train. I'm going to watch that documentary. I can't wait. My quote is, where did it go? Oh. Oh, I love this.

Okay.

Joyce Meyer, she says we don't need self confidence, we need God confidence. And that's just really made me realize, like, the more that we just have faith in something bigger than us, it's like sometimes we forget. It's like, oh, I have to have all the confidence in the world to go speak on this stage. Right? Like, I'm just thinking of, like, when I've been invited to stages to speak on, like, in front of 10 or 15,000 people. Whatever, none of it matters. Sometimes the smaller audiences can actually be harder because you can see their faces just disappointed by what you're saying. At least when it's a huge crowd, it's just all a freaking blur. I can't see that guy back there sleeping. So that's great. So just the times that I've had to tap into this. You can do this. Oh, my gosh. Getting yourself pumped up and prepared and really getting in the zone. Maybe you take that month, like, leading up to just, like, really get in the zone and prepare. It's like, you don't just have self confidence. There's no way. You need something bigger. You need, like, to have faith. You need to be asking. You need to be, like, praying about it. So it's just a reminder like, even if you're lacking in self confidence around something, that's okay, that's totally normal, it's because you're supposed to be asking something bigger. Whether you believe in God, I say prayers, or whether that's leaning into, you know, universe, whatever. Whatever works for you. So that's what that quote is for me.

I love that.

What is a question from someone? No, a review, Evan.

A review. A review. A review is from Sid Lich. And Sid says, I'm so obsessed with this podcast. I listen to every episode and it's a game changer. Such a high vibe, energy. So grateful Lori continues to create such fabulous content. Lori, you're the best. Such a light in this life. So much gratitude for you, Sid.

I have deep gratitude for Sid today. So I just want to say thank you. And both Evans and I are so, so grateful for your review. It completely makes our day. It never gets old. I'm telling you guys, go tell your friends how awesome they are and what a great job they're doing because it makes you want to run through a wall. So, Sid, thank you so much for your review. We're going to have an extra pep in our step today because of you, for sure. Yes. Yeah. Extra pep. Extra pep.

Think of extra pep for Ronnie. So ready for some questions, girl?

So ready.

All right. This is from Vivian Mindful. Ooh, I love the name Vivian.

I do, too. I think I used to really want that name, actually.

It's such a beautiful name, Vivian. It sounds so sophisticated.

It's totally sophisticated. You might be French or you might be a supermodel. I don't know.

Yes. Vivian wants to know, how do you remain confident when you're at the start of your business and feeling overwhelmed?

Oh, man. Evans, you speak to this one. How do you remain confident? You're kind of starting something new. How are you tapping back into confidence when you start to question yourself?

I find I feel most confident when I'm in action.

Hmm. Totally.

Those moments when you're just like, get in your head and sit there at your desk for 20 minutes straight just being like, this is so stupid, over and over and over again. That's not gonna do any good.

Yeah, you're so right. Like, even right now, for me, I. The main thing is if I can just be in action and in a plan or creating a plan. Our brain is not good idle. Like, we do not do well without things to do or creative things to do or our hands busy. It's just historically, you guys, if you even read the Bible, it Just talks about, like, you know, having busy. Like, not having idle hands, like to be busy. Or you just get yourself in trouble. Meaning you don't feel good, you lack confidence, you get depressed, you start, like, questioning life in general. And also you do get yourself in trouble. Like, you can actually get yourself in trouble. You can go get into shenanigans like, yeah, talk to me in my 20s, it was just like, okay, how much can I drink? And how many guys can I meet?

So exactly. It's like, what do you. When you have all that time? I mean, I don't know where I was going with that. That was terrible. Anyway, continue.

Did you ever have more than one boyfriend at once, but they didn't know, or you were talking to a guy on the side?

Oh, I don't think I did, but that would have interested me. That sounds exciting.

But that would have definitely interested me.

To be, like, a French, you know, don't the French have multiple little.

Like, having a mistress is fairly normal for some. Now, if French people are listening and they're like, that is bullshit. I think, number one, they'll be upset at the accent that I just did. Number two, I know that it's not all French people, but definitely, you know, okay, here's what I'll say. When I was on a red bus tour in Paris, they were even talking about it. They were like, okay, this is the department store. What's the famous department store? And Harrods. Yes, I believe so. And they were like. And on the fourth floor, you can find. And this is an English accent because I'm terrible at a French one, but. And on the fourth floor is lingerie, where many local Parisian men will buy their mistresses. Lingerie. Like, it was a thing. Yeah. So you know what? I'm not even the creator of this gossip. This happened on a red bus tour. And everything that happens on a red bus tour is in history books.

It's very true.

It's not. I mean, it's like getting your news. Your news from TikTok, it's the same thing.

But they. You know what? They referenced it in Emily in Paris, the Netflix show. So, you know.

You know what? Double proof.

I'm just saying, if you want a side piece, that's your business.

Yeah. Go to Paris. It's fine. Yeah, yeah. And for women, like, I just. It's usually men having mistresses, obviously, but what's the name for when a woman has a side man? Yeah, I mean, I actually know a terrible name for it that the youngins are saying that I won't say on here, but I feel like there's a more appropriate way to say it. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe it's because. I don't know. I don't know.

Because it's not culturally, like, totally normalized. Yeah. I mean, we can normalize it. I think it's a great thing to be known for. Kidding. You guys. Everybody calm down. I don't even have the time or the energy, okay? I'm hardly keeping up with my friendships, let alone a side relationship.

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of work.

Honestly, if you're into that, you go, like, if that gives you life and energy, great. But it sounds really emotionally challenging for me. I can hardly split time between Chris and Bananas, you know, like, I'm too jealous.

I would be.

I would be upset.

Anyway, sorry to get off track on confidence would not give me confidence.

So I'm pretty sure we took that down the road of not something very non confident. But I think we're doing a great job at getting it back. So what's the next question?

The next question is from, Whoa. Is this woman's last name French? Suzanne Lamoreaux.

Shut your face right now.

I swear.

Maybe we knew this was coming.

This is crazy. Suzanne says, how do you gain confidence when starting something new that you've never done before?

Oh, baby steps of action. I think it's so crazy because it might as well just be like, confidence comes from taking action. Trying to think, who I was talking to yesterday. Oh, this girl who has a company. She's like a big stylist company. And you can imagine, and that's probably a really tough business to grow in. Quarantine and Covid. And she actually did it. So she already had a good company, but then she, like, just refused to take no for an answer. And, you know, whenever she felt like she was lacking confidence and asking for these bigger clients because she was determined to have instead of, like, celebrities, she wanted, like, CEOs. She wanted to be stylist to, like, these big, like, women CEOs out in the world. And she's like, you know, was I scared to ask them? Of course I was, but she was like, the more that I asked in, even if I got a no, I would just be like, I'm so proud of you for asking, like, you know, so, like, talking to yourself. And it's all about just doing those challenging things every day and doing them. Scared. Like, you're not. Confidence does not come first. I am so scared every day to the point where I will Like, I just will, like, count backwards. I'll be like Mel Robbins at, like, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Do it. And I'll hit, like, you know, send or talk on my phone call, or I'll open up that zoom link and be like, oh, my God, here we go. And it's like, whatever unfolds, unfolds. And I think people are so scared because they're afraid of what can unfold. And sometimes it does unfold in a really messy way, and it. I stumble and fumble and feel really stupid, and then I get off that call and say, hey, you did the best that you could. You know, you're gonna. You learned so much from this. Everything. If you have the belief that everything is either for your evolution but and for your growth, that you will. You'll move forward. Because even if you mess up, even if it's terrible, even if, you know, you disappoint someone, even if it's a massive, like, issue and you screw up, you'll get over it. Like, you'll get through it. And all I can think about is, look at these, like, big celebs or people who have had huge problems. It's like, eventually people stop talking about it, and if they come back from it and do their best, like, they'll be just fine. So I think you just have to stay in action and know that you're gonna be scared a lot of the time. Except just like anything when you start working out, like, being scared stops being less scary. You know, you stop being as sore when you start, you know, working out. It starts to become a muscle that you're used to flexing. So. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

Why is it so. It's so. I always have the urge to just hide. Like, I really like to just get it under the covers and hide somewhere when something really big is going on. But it feels so much worse to hide rather than, like, do a bad job and try.

Thank you so much for reminding me of this, because your job as a human being, in order to stay fulfilled, content, and happy, is to create a life that you can't hide from. So if you don't. If you haven't created that yet, like, I know that you're creating it right now with deadlines and with, like, you know, committing and saying, like, you've said yes to a lot of things recently. That's how you create a life that you can't hide from. Like, even so now, even if you want to go under the car covers on, you know, after we get done with this call, you're kind of like, shit, I said yes to these things, and I created these opportunities for myself, and now I can't go hide under the covers. Even though that would feel really luxurious. It doesn't actually feel luxurious. It feels like something you want to do that would be gratifying in the moment, but it's so. It just. It's like you're literally killing and crushing a part of yourself every time you go. Choose the easy path. Instead of going and growing and experiencing this part of you that's your highest self, that your life, that your soul actually is here to experience.

Yes. Oh, man. This just reminded me of math because I was terrible at math my whole life. Well, maybe that's a story I told myself, but I don't know. I didn't make good grades in math, so it was pretty accurate. But it's like, your teachers, when you go and it's like, okay, I'm doing really badly. But if you would show up to tutoring and if you would show up to, like, do try the extra credit, even if you didn't do it, they still knew that you were trying. So it's like, I don't know where I was going with that, but it's like, if you're still trying and failing, it's okay. You're still putting yourself out there.

We were just talking about this yesterday on another podcast, and we were talking about how, like, I think it's a Rod has an average of, like, three hits to every ten times he goes up there. That's. And yet he still has records. Like, he still set huge records. So you have to remember, you guys, you're gonna. If you want to be successful, you actually are gonna fail way more than you are successful. I fail so much, like, so hard all of the time, but I don't. They're not failures. It's called, like, you didn't. You don't, like, teach your kid to ride a bike, and every time they don't, you know, get up and ride it, you're not, like, failure. You're like, get back on. This is a part of it. Like, would you ever.

If your kid.

If you ever talk to them that way, would they even get on the bike? They'd be like, you're making this, like, a living hell, mother.

Right?

And. And you would never do. So don't talk to yourself that way unless you're ready to be like, you're making this a living hell for me, Margaret. I'm not putting up with you, and you can't leave yourself because everywhere you go, there you are just like that quote. So you better be nice to yourself.

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I know that.

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Be nicer.

Margaret. I grew up with a Margaret. You know, she was obviously my age, which was like 8 years old at the time. It's just weird to call an 8 year old Margaret. We called her Peggy, too. And then, oh, can we go down the rabbit hole of why in the hell is your name Peggy if your name is Margaret? You can get the word Peggy from Margaret. You can't even get the word Dick from Richard.

I don't know.

But did you ever call her Marge? No, we did not call her March, but I think if I see her again, I'll. I'll call her that.

We are Marge now.

I really can't picture her as a Marge, but it's possible. She definitely fit into the Peggy zone. What do you. What's another name that you did not expect that is abbreviated? There's another one that I'm like that. A lot of people don't know. I like to pull that hat trick on people at dinner parties. Like, hey, did you know that this name is this name? I don't do that at all. I don't.

I don't know. I'm sure if I can't think of one. But Peggy is like, how do you get that from Mark?

It's a girl's name that is so confusing that most people don't know. Okay, I got to think of it later. Maybe I'll bring it up.

Episode.

There's somebody on a walk right now yelling it.

And they're like, that's my name.

My name is Sarah and people call me Mary. Oh, maybe it's Mary or something. That's. I don't know. We're gonna stop. I don't want people to see the depths of how my brain works most of the day. Even though they've got a good glimpse on it.

I like it.

So words of wisdom, Evans. Drop it. Drop it like it's hot.

I guess. Getting that action. Take that action plan. Get some action.

Get some action. Get some action in Paris. Take that action in the United of the States. Also in Canada and wherever else you're listening to.

Say something so different when you said take that action in the.

Take that action in the US make somebody proud today. Yeah, make yourself proud. Most of all. Make yourself proud.

Damn right, Margaret. You should be proud of yourself right now.

Margaret, Peggy, Dick, everybody. Richard, Bill, William, all of you. All right you guys, until next time, be questionably up. Awesome and earn your happy. Bye Evans. Bye Lori.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys.

Bye Bye.