675. Create a Solution Addiction

That's really my mantra is there is a solution to everything. As Marie Forleo says, everything is figureoutable. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration and I love seeing where you guys are listening at. So thanks so much for always tagging and letting me know your biggest takeaway because I get to talk about the things that you are actually interested in, which is really what I want to be doing instead of just coming up with something off the top of my head. And once in a while that happens too. And today I want to talk about being addicted to solutions and creating a solution. Addiction, right? If we really start to look at our lives, we're either addicted to the solution or the positive, or we're addicted to the negative or the bitch session, right? So what I want you to think about is throughout your day, throughout your life, are you more in solution of the problems that are coming up or do you allow yourself to stay in the addiction of the drama, in the addiction of the bitch session, in the addiction of the complaints. And it's okay to realize that maybe you are a bit addicted to complaining that you are talking about the problem to everybody but the person who is actually giving you the problem. My husband really called me out the other day and I was talking about something that kept occurring in my life and he was like, you know, if you keep talking to me about this, it's never going to get solved. You actually have to keep. You have to talk to the person. And I know that, but I was noticing that it was giving me a bit of a hit, like it was giving me a bit of this dopamine hit that was negative. So we have to know that there are two ways to get attention. To get attention through negativity and to get attention through solving problems, positivity and solutions. So just think about it. Right now. And I want you to look at your life and really to see which one that you are more of. And if you're more solution based, that is freaking amazing. I want you to look a little deeper to see where maybe you still are getting a bit of that hit from the negative, the complaints or really looking at something that has not been solved yet that you're putting off. And if you are somebody who is in the negative, awesome. That means that you have so much room to grow. You know, if you're somebody who's addicted to the negative and you're like, my life's not going very great, what is the problem? And you're doing all the positive things, then we have a deeper problem, right? Then you have to be like, okay, well we're gonna have to do even more work. It's kind of like when you're negative and you realize your life is not going the way that you want and that you're addicted to those negative solutions, you're gonna have the most catastrophic growth and positive things happen in your life because you have so much low hanging fruit that you can start solving and you can look at where you're negative the most. I was just on a podcast with someone the other day and she pointed out something that I was talking about earlier and it was. Or talking about earlier in my career all of the time, which was you have anxiety and stress around the things you have no boundaries around or around the things you're avoiding. And a lot of times those things we are avoiding are tough conversations. And we are avoiding them because they are tough and we're not sure how they're going to turn out.

So.

So a lot of people are like, well, I'm avoiding it because, you know, I don't know what it's gonna turn out. I'm focusing on the fact that it could turn out really negatively. And it's like, why don't you focus on the idea that it could turn out positive? Even in reframing the idea of what positivity means to you, Sometimes we're like, oh, I wanna, you know, hold hands and skip off into the sunset. And that's our version of positive. When positive might just be that you can now let go, forgive, cut that energetic cord, know where they stand for sure. And maybe where they stand is that they don't want to do business with you or they don't like you and that's okay too. And you need to make peace with that instead of letting that loop stay open. And the problem is, is that we have so many open loops that all of your energy is being drained into those open loops. So an analogy I always use is think of your computer screen and how your actually. Let's think about your iPhone, right? You really have. When you have a ton of screens open, you're like, wait, why is my battery draining so quickly? And you're like, oh, that's right. I went to that site and I never closed it out. And I'm still thinking about it. Oh, that's right. I went to this site and never closed it out. And in the back of my mind, it's actually still open and I'm thinking about it. Oh, that's right. I went to this site that was really, really, like, tough for me to look at, but I left it open. Didn't do anything that I wanted to do on the site. I actually wanted to, like, complete the process and check out, and I never did. Right. I just had decision fatigue. I. All these open loops, and now it's draining my battery faster than I could possibly imagine because every single page is still up. How we need to start living our lives is to go to the page, look at it, figure out the solution, do the hard thing first and close out the page, then open the next page. Because a lot of you who are listening are women. We can do a few things at once usually. But I have to be honest, it's not the best time spent. You're probably not giving your energy in the most productive way possible when you do have these other windows open. How do we create an addiction to the solution? And what we need to start thinking about is what are we doing when we're leaking our energy, Right. Looking at. We're not actually getting things done, and we're sick of feeling that way. We need to start looking at the pain points and amplifying them for a little bit and knowing that if we don't start creating an addiction to the solution, that our pain points are just going to get more and more painful and more and more challenging, and they're just gonna start mounting on each other, and you absolutely are not going to be able to get to your goals in this way. If you are addicted to the bitch sessions or the complaining, or if you're just addicted to being distracted, right? If we're addicted to our vices and our distractions. So I want you to really look at where you're draining your energy. And what we're gonna start doing there is we're gonna start focusing on the. If we can, earlier in the day while you have more willpower. Because what happens is if you are saving a big problem towards the end of the day, it probably won't get done because our willpower is finite. So every day you wake up, I want you to picture somebody handing you a full glass of water, and that is your willpower. And what happens is you wake up and then maybe if you scroll social media and you're doing things that don't give you more willpower, because there are things that actually can increase that glass of water. So a lot of people wake up and they're not doing the things to increase the glass of water. So some people are waking up with only a quarter cup of water for willpower for the day because last night they had a bunch of drinks, or last night they ate bad food, or last night they scrolled on Instagram the whole time, or last night they didn't make a plan for the day. So they're only waking up with that quarter cup and wondering why it comes to 3 o' clock and they literally can't do anything else. So things that can increase your willpower are, and this is completely proven, walking for over 15 to 20 minutes, drinking water, eating healthy, getting a full night's rest, staying positive. All of these things increase your willpower. And who you're around, your environment can increase your willpower. A positive environment. And so what we want to do is we want to first wake up with that full glass of willpower so that we can focus on the solutions and do the hard things first. And so increasing that willpower is vital. So if you're like, man, I have no willpower. I used to have people tell me that I had willpower of steel. And I was like, no, no, I absolutely do not. There's kryptonite, things that I, that I can partake in that make me, you know, if I have a bunch of drinks the night before or a bunch of sugar, I will wake up and just be like ravenous and I'll be crabby and I won't be able to make these high impact positive decisions that I know I'm capable of making. So I want you to just take a minute to look at where can you increase your willpower so that you can wake up with more willpower every single day? And then from there realize that your willpower is going to start being poured out throughout the day. So let's say that you, you know, wake up and instead of reading, which could keep that glass of willpower level or increase it, that you are pouring it out if you are going on social media, right, you're pouring a little bit of that energy out. So now you have maybe you make a decision of your breakfast and you can do something healthy that could keep your level the same, or you can do something like have a bunch of sugary breakfast and you can pour a little bit more of that willpower out. Then maybe you allow some phone calls in that are negative, that you know, you wanted to make this decision early in the morning or face a problem, but instead you avoid it and you go and do something else. And maybe you call a friend and you have a bitch session or you talk to your mom and she's really negative and you took the phone call even though you know that the phone call is going to be negative. And instead of putting it off until later saying, hey mom, I have a lot of things that I'm going to be doing this morning, you take the phone call and you pour even more of your willpower out because you're frustrated with whatever that is. Not saying your mom is negative, saying this can represent any person who this might be that, you know, interrupts that flow in the morning. So what our day, what we should strive to look at if we want to be addicted to. The solution is to look at the big things that are draining our energy the most and to, as Brian Tracy says, eat that frog first, right? Do the things that increase the willpower so that those decisions and those solutions that you're going to come up with feel easier. Because coming to something challenging with hardly any willpower, you've had decision fatigue all day. You're putting it at the end of the day, guess what? You're going to put it off or you're not going to make a good decision or you're not going to do the thing and you're going to lean back into that, you know, complaining or session or avoidance, which is going to be really negative on your life.

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So directing more of your energy to the solution. Like it's important to air what is going on in your life. It's important to look at the problem, it's important to acknowledge that maybe this person isn't being great or how this is affecting you. I'm not saying skip over it. I'm not saying bypass it. I'm saying look at it and don't stay like, get it all out, air it. But don't stay in the session. Put more energy into the solution so that you are, you know, using that willpower. Direct your energy immediately. When you start to notice that you're kind of like, oh, I'm staying here. I'm staying here because now I've got this neg. We get double hits from negative and positive. Right now I'm staying here because I'm feeling a bit addicted to this negative dopamine hit. I'm feeling like, wow, I'm making myself feel better through the complaint. I'm noticing that I'm making myself feel better because I'm putting. I'm not taking ownership of how I showed up in this role, even though I can make everything look like it's them and it's their fault, and maybe it really feels that way, but it's not productive to stay there. So harder things take more effort. So you have to do all the things that you can to set yourself up to be addicted to the solution. Even if your new mantra is I'm addicted to the solution, if that's your new mantra, you're not going to stay in that complain session long, and you're not going to stay in that place where you're just dwelling on what went wrong. You have to be so addicted to the solution that you actually get excited when things go wrong, because you can find not saying you'll be excited, but you'll be okay with things going wrong because you'll be able to know that there is a solution to everything. That's really my mantra is there is a solution to everything. As Marie Forleo says, everything is figureoutable. So sometimes you might have to make a solution appointment. Like if there's something on your mind or your plate that is really bothering you and you're like, once and for all, I need to figure out what to do. So you either make an appointment that by the end of that hour, you will have taken action, sent the email, made a new appointment for a phone call of a tough conversation that you have coming up, you know, ask somebody, hey, do you have some time? I really have a couple things that I want to work through with you. Make sure that's a really positive statement. Positive email. You don't Want to blindside people with like, hey, are you free right now? I have a tough conversation I want to talk to you about. Like, make sure they have some time, that they're in a good place, but don't put this off for more than a week. Everything that you have to do right now that's been hard in your life, you can do in seven days, right? You can make an appointment within the next seven days. Trust me, it's not. You're not going to find a better time. There's not gonna be a week where things are all going right. Within the next seven days, you should be able to make a solution appointment to solve that thing. Even if it's been a lifelong rift with your sibling, make an appointment for a phone call as long as they're available and they're not on vacation and they're not maybe struggling with an illness in their family or something like that. But sometimes even then, if it's something that you know is going to be long term, you might need to deal with whatever it is that continues to come up because it's a leak. You. You'll never be able to make these tough decisions if you're not starting to focus on the places where you have open loops and where you're leaking your energy. So let's get clean, right? Let's clean that up. Let's feel clear. Let's not carry that baggage around. Let's not carry that elephant on our chest every single day. You guys, some of you are trying to do epic shit in your life, and you have an elephant on your chest every day, and your mind is just like you're in the depths of hell. Do you know why I know this is because I did this for so long. And you do one thing at a time. I'm not saying go face all of your fears and your toughest conversations in a week. I'm saying do one thing at a time. Do one big thing this week, do one big thing next week, and you'll start to find that you grow that muscle. It doesn't feel as scary. You're almost, like, addicted to it because you're like, whoa, I didn't realize what I was tolerating and how free I feel on the other side. So you almost start getting this crazy addiction to the solution and getting this weight off that you've carried your entire life. So I urge you, I beg you, to start doing this, because a life of freedom and all your goals and peace of mind is on the other side. I'm not. It's going to be hard. You're going to go through turbulent times. You might have a year where you're like, lori, this is real effed up. You said that this would get better, and it only got worse in the beginning. Yeah, that's how it works sometimes. Sometimes you have a tough conversation and that person goes and tells a million people a lie about you, and they gossip about you, and it makes your life way worse for a while. And you just go through and you take the higher road and you, you know, you use the upper hand and you just. You literally let it be and face all things with love. And you say really, like, deep and crazy prayers where you're crying the whole time and you're crying for peace and asking why in the world this person is treating you this way and letting it be okay, that they can't see that you came from a good place and that your intentions were pure. And that's another thing, you guys. As long as your intentions are clean and you're like, you know, doing the best that you can and trying to figure out a solution from a place of love, if it's not working for you, then you're okay. And even if shit goes sideways for the first year in that relationship, just know that it's going to get figured out and it's going to be a place where, even if, you know, I. I have someone in my life right now that I haven't spoken to them for, like, four years, and. And that's okay. And I'm sure that this person does not like me, but I'm at peace with it. And I just feel totally fine about it because I came at it with love and it was not a good relationship for my life. And that's okay if they're not okay with me, because I pray about it and I. All the love and healing and energy to this person. I pray for the very best in this person's life, even though I felt completely wronged. And I will say that I feel peace around it like it's all right, that it's not all right over there. Because God has put peace in my heart around it. Cause I've prayed enough, come with enough intention of love, and I send them love every single day and wish the best for this person. Okay, not every single day, but when they pop up in my mind and a little bit of, like, anger comes or someone reminds me of something, I'm like, all right, send them love. Wish them the best. The ultimate best. Because you can only receive in your life what you wish upon your worst enemy. I really want you to think about that. You can only receive in your life what you wish upon your worst enemy. So you guys that's gonna and that takes work that's not just gonna happen overnight. So sending you guys so much love and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us. Tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.