690. Get Unstuck by Changing These Things

Life gets harder when you are softer, meaning when you have no strength to cope with what life is going to bring you, it's not going to bypass you. It's absolutely going to bring you the same things that these quote unquote strong people are getting, but you're not going to have the muscle to deal with it.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, life entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you.

Bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships.

We don't wait until we're ready for.

Someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Hey everyone, welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And you guys, don't forget that I'm going to be doing something super cool with this podcast. I'm going to be bringing you guys on. Yes, the listener. You, my friends, I'm bringing you on. We are going to interview slash coach you and you're going to be able to put your business and yourself on display. Meaning we are going to help you grow whatever you're doing by putting you in front of a large audience. You guys, I'm so excited about this because, you know, my whole career I've been obsessed with creating platforms for women and with recognizing women who are doing big things and finding a place where we can put them on display and get get what they are doing out into the world. So you're probably like, okay, how in the heck do I do this? Because this is like a new goal of mine. And what you can do is you can text the word podc podcast to 310-496-8363 and we are going to not only be texting out to let you know when we're going to be running those contests and choosing different people for this so that you can message us back and let us know a little bit about your business, but that is also going to be the place I'm going to give you all of the light pink updates on my business. We show the behind the scenes, we tell you when it's coming out, we give you all the specials. And in the future, when events are back, we will be getting you guys all in and getting you the best deals through this text list. So absolutely, go sign up, text the word podcast 2310496, 8363 and I would love to chat with you. I'm so incredibly excited. It's like my favorite thing to do is to know what you're working on and see how we can get it out into the world. Because when you help women, women help other women. Women help people, women solve problems, right? One of my friends says, fund women, save the world. And I believe that's true because you get the ideas out into the world that are really going to make some big changes. So today, today what we're going to talk about is common ways that we sabotage ourselves and how they're hidden and how it's so very easy to not take ownership over the things that we're doing. And honestly, this is one of those episodes that I'm just calling myself out. So if it feels a little harsh, it's not. It's said with love. It is just one of those moments that it's like, guys, we gotta stop doing this. Like, we have to stop doing this to ourselves because we're complaining, blaming, justifying, looking at our life, blaming our, you know, past wounds, things that have happened, blaming our parents, blaming our trauma. And I get it. I have been there. I stayed in that place for far too long. And my prayer for you guys is that you don't stay in that place as long as I did. Because it was the most painful, most depressing, most anxiety ridden place that I have ever lived. And I just kept doing it. It was like abuse. It was like self sabotage. It was literally locking myself up every single day and throwing away the key and taking away all possibility. So are you ready to free yourself? Yes. The answer is yes. Just say a resounding yes. Like, I am so ready to be done with all of the things I'm doing to myself. And it comes in these crazy, like, you know, costumes of other people or judgment, or I'm afraid of social media or I'm afraid of bullying. And those are very real fears. But like I've said before on this podcast, if you're new to this podcast, there's going to be some beliefs that you're going to have to create and adopt and hold so true to your heart that are going to let you go and do these big things that you're so afraid of. Because one of my big beliefs that I just tap into every morning and say a prayer is that God would never let humans take me down, no matter what that looks like. Even if you get canceled or whatever that is right now, because maybe you said the wrong thing. And we're all going to make screw ups, you guys. And now living in a very public world, we're going to do them publicly. And I say if you do those publicly, you're probably on the fast track to something even bigger. Because it's going to make you learn how to come back from those. It's going to make you learn how to say I'm sorry or here's what I'm going to do better or just do it better, right? Or it's going to help you learn to cope with what happens on the other side. To cope with potentially the judgment or the bullying or people saying bad things or horrible reviews or horrible comments like you guys. It's all a part of it. It's all a part of the fabric. You can't, you can't weave this incredible blanket of life without getting those pieces and those threads in there that actually make you so much better and stronger. Right? So you don't get strong without these things. You just don't. That's like going to the gym and being like, yeah, let's get strong. Like, let's reach those goals. Let's feel great. Oh, but you want me to lift that heavy thing over there? Uh, that's too heavy. That's too much. That's uncomfortable. I hate it. No, I don't like how this is uncomfortable every day. Well, then you don't get to get strong. Then you don't get to get strong. You get to get softer. Right? Life gets harder when you are softer, meaning when you have no strength to cope with what life is going to bring you, it's not going to bypass you. It's absolutely going to bring you the same things that these quote unquote strong people are getting. But you're not going to have the muscle to, to deal with it. It's just going to feel extremely painful because life is going to hand you things that are heavy. It's up to you if you want to train in the gym every day by making sure that you can handle what those things are so you can get through your day and not think that life is so incredibly challenging. So let's look at some of the common excuses we use to sabotage ourselves. I don't have enough time. Now. I'm gonna say a lot of phrases that I have said to myself and still say to myself, and I am going to give you what you need to be saying and what question you need to be asking yourself. Because at the end of the day, the difference between a successful person and a happy person compared to someone who's not reaching any goals, not making themselves proud, and not doing what they want, and those people like my past self, locking up the. The putting myself in prison and locking away the key is how I was thinking. All right, so before I was thinking I don't have enough time, and instead I've replaced it with where can I create time and how the next one is. But I'm not like her. I'm not talented like that. I. She's just born that way. She's brave. She just has it all. Do I actually know this? Is she scared, too? I think she's just taking action and showing up with her fears, and she's just getting used to it. Right? I. I just think she's consistent, consistently decided to show up for herself, and I'm going to try that, too. And I bet she's scared, too. And you know what? Let me actually go read the books and listen to the podcast where they're being super real and vulnerable about how it's actually going so I can understand what the journey actually looks like. You know what? I'm going to stop looking at the curated photos where nothing goes wrong, and I'm going to start looking for the role models who tell me that they're doing it despite their fear. All right, next one. Oh, this is a big one for me, you guys. I don't know how. I don't know how, and I don't think that I can. And I'm not smart enough. Okay, who does know how? How can you get into those groups? What can you listen to? And what books can you read? Because if you're not doing any of those, you're sabotaging yourself. You're fooling yourself, and you're keeping yourself small. It's not anyone else. It's not because you didn't go to a certain school. It's not because your parents didn't put you in that school. It's not because you just think you're not smart enough. It's because you are not doing it. You gotta be. If you are not in the rooms, if you're not listening to the books, if you're not listening to podcasts, then you're just not doing the work, then you're actually not cut out for the work. And it doesn't mean you can't change. I'm just. I'm that person that's like, stop sitting on the fence. Because the fence post is, like, literally up your ass. So you can either decide to be happy with what you have and decide to live that life, and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, there's everything right with that. If you're a person who can actually get happy with what you have now and be okay with the fact that you're not gonna go and chase that thing that you wanna do, then that's actually better than being on that fence post and being like, yeah, but I want this so bad. And this is who I'm supposed to be. Except I'm not going to do the thing right. Just get off the fence and be like, settle for one side or the other. Do the thing or don't. All right? I don't have enough money. Okay? That's keeping you real, real small. And that's not going to keep you in a place of creative thinking, and it's not going to get you into the rooms around the people who have the solutions. So I don't have the money needs to turn into. How do I create the money? How could I get really creative and go and do that thing right? You know, I was talking to somebody who literally was driving around doing different uber things that they could pick up in their spare time to create money for a different program that they wanted to get in. Now, this was a very busy person, but they were so determined to get out of the situation that they were in because it was so damn painful that they literally were like, that's it. I. I thought I didn't have the time, but I absolutely have the time to start creating this money to get into this program. All right? I have no support, right? How can I. The first question. I have no support. How can I support myself first? What would that look like? How could I support myself first? What would that look like? Do I need more sleep? Do I need to figure out how I can ask somebody for help? Could I barter with someone to do something? Maybe watch their kids on Tuesday, if they watch them on Wednesday? Right? How could I create accountability? How could I create a support group? Is there anyone online that I could go and ask over and over and trust me, you guys, when I put my book out and I told women to go and create these accountability groups, I want to tell you what I got back a lot of. I got back a lot of. I tried this, and it didn't work. They didn't show up or even when I said they were going to show up, they didn't show up. And then I asked how many times did you do this? And they said twice. I was like, okay, well, okay, you have about 30 to 50 more times until this actually happens. And that's what you have to understand is this is not a one or two time thing. This is not a one time thing. And then say this didn't work for me. Thanks for your advice. But. But look, I suck. I'm different than you. That's where we separate ourselves and keep sabotaging ourselves. Keep trying, you know. Do you know that even to like get in front of people's attention anymore? For a consumer to even buy, it's 12 to 15 times that they have to see your brand in order to even check on purchasing it and purchasing it. So have you done that? All right, what's another one? I'm tired, I have no energy. Okay, how can you create more? What's the food that you're eating? Are you drinking enough water? What are you listening to? Or what thought is on loop that you need to close that loop that you need to have that tough conversation so you can get your energy back? How can you get your. Where are you leaking your energy? Where are you sabotaging yourself? Are you still having those cocktails throughout the week? Can you set a goal to maybe only do that twice or once? How are you draining yourself of energy? Because there is a way to get more energy and that is through sleep, it's through meditation, it's through healthy food, it's through water, it's through what you're consuming mentally. That's how you actually start supporting yourself. Not only mentally but also creating more time by having more energy.

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All right, I'm too busy. This is a. This is a good one for me. I am that girl. I'm too busy. All right. What can I say no to? There's been a lot of things I've been saying yes to because I don't want to deal with the hard stuff that comes on the side of saying no. One of the most challenging things. I had a bunch of friends going to dinner last night that I really wanted to go with. A bunch of women were in town and I have been so tired and not getting things done that I want to get done that I had to say no to the things that I really wanted to do instead of saying, yeah, but they're in town and oh my God, I really want to see them. Yeah, but I had a dinner the night before that I had to do and it's like, where does it end? Where does it end? So I have to say no to really, really good things in order to make room for the great things and to feel good about myself. I'm like, I can't do that. I can't wake up again tomorrow and not feel like I have the energy to do the things that are really important to me. And while those friendships are so important, I know that they. If I really explain my situation or just say, hey, guys, I really have to have this time to, like, get some things done and, and, you know, have a good night's sleep and all of those things. I love you. I'm going to have to take a rain check. So not easy, right? I want fomo, right? Like, maybe I'm missing opportunities.

Oh, my God.

Are they still going to love me? Yes, they are. But where do you. Where can you start saying no? What have you been saying yes to? Because you're afraid that you're gonna disappoint someone. That all this stuff is so important and I love you guys so much and this is truly like a coaching for myself. But if you want your higher self to come out, if you want to meet the woman you're placed here to be, if you wanna stop waking up at 2am because that dream is like starting to slam you in the face with a two by four, right? Like that feeling of like, oh my God, there's more for me to do. Then you need to start doing that and you need to start putting those boundaries and realizing to take massive ownership. This a podcast to make you go and feel bad of all the things you're not doing. This is an awareness. This is an awareness of how you can actually start loving yourself more by doing these things and stopping sabotaging yourself by doing the things that keep making you feel bad. Pick one today and start taking ownership of it. And then pick another one next month and start taking ownership. But by just changing the languaging to the things that I said to you, it's going to be the world's most massive shift in the way that you think. I love you guys so much. I hope that you enjoyed this. Make sure that you text that number and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone.

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Bye Bye. Sam.