691. Growing Your Empire, with Susan Sly

If you are suffering, just pitch the damn tent. Have your pity party. Take a moment, surrender, but don't build the home in your suffering, because that is where you will live.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show. The guest that I have on today is someone so near and dear to my heart. She truly was the woman who just lit a fire in my belly when I saw her for the first time speak on stage when I went to one of my first network marketing events probably 11 or.

Yeah, about 11 years ago now.

And you guys, she literally rocked my world when I saw her. There was so, so much just fire and commitment and power when she was on stage. And my guest today is Susan Sly. She is a best selling author, a speaker, a trainer and an entrepreneur. She's considered an expert in the areas of network marketing, entrepreneurship and work life balance. She's been featured literally everywhere. Cnn, cnbc, Fox, Lifetime television. She has seven books, you guys. Seven, seven books and let's just add seven books and five children. She has an incredible podcast and blog. She has completed the Boston Marathon six times and placed top 10 in the Pro division of the Ironman Triathlon in Malaysia. On a personal level, she says she is most proud of coaching her son's cross country team at a school for children with special challenges. She is so dedicated to philanthropy and giving back and helping women and girls who have survived. You guys, I'm so obsessed with this woman. So she's pretty much one of the smartest women I know and one of my biggest inspirations. So let's get started. Susan, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on, Laurie.

I am like so excited to be here because it's like, you know, there's so many times we just go to catch up. Go to catch up. I'm excited to, to be here with you kind of catching up. And for all of the listeners, you know, who knows where Lori and I will go in the show. So I'm excited for all the listeners.

I'm excited for us. Like, it's so funny, you guys, like. But right before this, I was like, oh, my God, we have to catch up. Cause I haven't seen you in, I don't know, maybe a couple weeks In a couple weeks in our world, when you are really moving right now, and that's what we're going to talk so much about. All of the things that you're doing right now, your world is moving really fast. And it's kind of like it feels like when you haven't seen someone for, like, six months. Cause there are so many things, and you make big decisions quickly. God, that's a whole topic in itself, Susan. Like, I think we're gonna really get into some good stuff here. So we were trying to catch up, and I thought, okay, I just have to cut this off because we need to just hit record and maybe we can catch up on here. So I'm so grateful that you're on. I know that you've been kind of traveling around for just a little bit, but for anybody who doesn't know who Susan is, Susan came into my life quite a few years ago. Oh, my God, has it been like, 10 years? 10. 11 years?

10.

And Susan came into my life much sooner. I came into her life because I pretty much got to see her standing on stage, just literally speaking life into thousands of people on a network marketing stage in a room of, like I said, just a sea of people. And everybody was just, like, lit up and felt so empowered after you speak. And truly, you are like the epitome of embodied confidence. And now knowing you, of course, I know that you're human and you have all of the same things that we do. But I also know that you just shatter glass ceilings everywhere you go. And that is why I'm so excited to have you on this podcast, is because I think there's so many things that you have been through and gone through and done just to, you know, really break those glass ceilings. And you've been in a lot of places where maybe a lot of women haven't been in before, or maybe not a lot of women are in that particular field, or you're just breaking records wherever you go. But I would love for you to share just a little bit about where you came from first, because it's always so crazy to see people when they're just, like, you know, in all of their glory. But I know that you have, you know, a bit of a story as well. So why don't we just go there for a minute and then we'll move forward to where we are now?

Sure, absolutely. Well, you know, there. There are a lot of people listening right now who are suffering in silence, or maybe you're suffering, but not in silence. And I read the most, you know, it. Profound verse. It was actually from the book of Isaiah last night. And it said, essentially, to paraphrase, some people are refined the way silver gets polished, and other people are refined through their suffering. And when. When we go through a challenge in the face of challenge, we can give up or we can get better. And. And like a lot of people listening, you know, you've had your challenges or you're living through a challenge. For me, I think that the biggest pivotal moment. Pivotal, pivotal moment in my life is going back 21 years ago. And it was January, and I had been living this life where I owned a health club. I had 54 staff. I was a celebrity trainer. Lori and I share a very similar background in that regard. I was on television five days a week. I had a radio show on Sundays. I would go into a restaurant and, you know, get the free meal, the bottle of wine, and, you know, drove the Mercedes and, you know, all that stuff. And I thought I had made it. And I told myself this lie, which was if I just kept on pushing harder, if I kept on working harder, then I'd. I'd become even more successful. But I found myself, at age 27, exhausted. I was a mom. I had my first daughter when I was 24. I was working seven days a week on top of it. I was a professional athlete, a triathlete. So that's no joke. There's a lot of training that goes into that sport, especially with a pro card. And I would find myself, you know, dropping things randomly. And then I started slurring my speech. And In January of 2000, Lori, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. And it was a case so bad, it was progressive. So the doctor said, susan, you're going to be in a wheelchair in 10 years and dead in 20. And, you know, 27 years old to be given a death sentence. I'm like, wait a minute. I still have to do an Ironman. I've never run the Boston Marathon. I haven't been on the COVID of Triathlete magazine. Like, there are all these things that I wanted to do. And then three days later, my marriage fell apart. And then 16 weeks later, I went to my health club to Teach a spinning class. And we'd been closed down for failure to pay taxes. And it was humbling by every stretch of the imagination. But I knew there was more to me. And anyone who's listening, you know that you've got more within you and probably some of you are playing quite small. And I knew for me there were a lot of unrealized dreams. So I got down on my knees and I prayed to God and I said, God, listen, if you'll show me the way, I'll do the work. And those words, when they came out of my mouth from a place where I was so tired, where I didn't even know if I was going to be able to walk, let alone run. Seven years from that moment when my marriage was falling apart, when I got locked out of my bank accounts, when even my office at my business had my daughter's photos in it and things, they wouldn't let me go back into the gym, where suddenly I went from getting the free meals in the restaurants to hiding my head in shame. My divorce was written about in the newspaper, like front page of the newspaper. And. And my world came crashing down, or what I thought was my world because it was really built on a fiction. And so I got very humble, Laurie. And that summer I started really reading. I read Ayanla Van Zant. In the meantime, I read Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within. I start to really plug in. Listening to audio cassettes back then, getting on conference calls, knowing that if I was going to change my life, I had to shed the scarlet letters. And the scarlet letters. Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote the book the Scarlet Letter. So Hester Prim wore the A for adulterer and I was wearing D for divorced, S for sick, you know, S for single mom. I had all these letters and I made a decision that July and I said, screw it. I put these scarlet letters on myself. I'm going to take them off. And. And as I did that, miracles literally began to unfold. I remit my now husband, Chris. I had loved him in high school. We randomly met each other. I got a job. I suddenly had another team of 54 people reporting to me. I took the division I was running to the number one in the world for Valley Total Fitness back in the late 90s, which was huge. We had 444 clubs. Became the number one producing sales manager of all time. Shattered all the records. I started training again. I went on to do the Ironman, do six Bostons, build a massive business, build another exciting business. Now I'm building a tech company and the biggest message that I want to say is that we are all on a journey but we have a choice. We can pitch a tent or we can build a home. If you are suffering, just pitch the damn tent. Have your pity party, take a moment, surrender, but don't build the home in your suffering because that is where you will live.

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Man, that's so powerful. And it's so easy to, you know, just like, hear the story and think, like, oh, well, maybe even though all those things happened, maybe she just always had that powerful mindset or maybe she just was able to dig herself out. But you literally did the work. Like you went to the self development things, you read the books. And that was a process, I'm sure. So what mindset do you feel like you had before this? Like, what were you not aware of? What mindset were you living in? And then what is like a belief that you now hold that is completely opposite that you held from before?

That's such a, such a great question. I remember you and I doing a podcast like a gazillion years ago and we were talking about the limiting beliefs and talking about. Because you were heavy as a kid. I was heavy as a kid. And, and how did that come about? You know, how do you, how do you live into that? And I know for myself that the belief I was holding was that I wasn't enough. And when someone feels that they aren't enough, they do everything to prove just how enough they are. So, you know, win the races, be, you know, be on the COVID of magazines, do all those things. But there's an emptiness to it. Or there was for me, because every achievement, my first thought was, what's next? What's next? And that got me to a certain point. But then my adrenals burned out. And then I started to really question why I was doing what I was doing. After awards and stages and books and everything else, there was an emptiness to it. And there was. I read last year, I read Demi Moore's book and the title escapes me now, but her mom, you know had struggled with mental illness. Her parents were addicts, and she compensated and overcompensated because she had this need to belong. And my mom also was an addict and disappeared the last three years of her life. I didn't even know where she was. And she passed last year. And so reading Demi Moore's book and having that sense of crap, you know, I made a lot of decisions out of this need to be enough, this need to belong. So what if I could start making decisions from a place of I'm already enough and I'll belong where I belong. Like you hear, you vibe with your tribe. And so I had already been on a path of making some decisions where there were parts of my soul that I still want to explore. And I had told myself lies like, oh, I'm not techie, or I can't do things. And I was like, well, what if I lived without those beliefs and I could really live into this new iteration of me, whatever that woman looks like. And so as I started to do that, just some incredible things began to happen. But I would say that, you know, I still have my moments. Gosh, you know, I still have my moments where I'm like, oh, you know, am I an imposter? You know, what am I doing as a tech CEO? What am I doing as a woman who's, you know, co founded a company that now has a valuation of over $250 million in the AI space? Like, what am I doing here? And then I have to step back and go, wait a minute, Susan, you earned this, right? The number one, you earned it. Number two, this is where you belong right now. And that's okay. And it's such a shift, right? And that evolution of believing and it's, it's. I would say to anyone listening that, you know, hey, once you, once you recognize where you've got some limiting beliefs, just ask yourself, what would my life be like without these beliefs? And what. Who would I live into if I didn't have them? And just start, just start.

I love that. I literally feel like so much of just how you shifted your mindset is literally how I think as well. And it's kind of crazy because it does start with a question like that. And some of you listening might feel like it's so simple or basic. And I think a lot of people don't even let themselves think about who they would be. You know, it's. These limiting beliefs are so freaking binding that it's, it's almost like they've only, like they can only Identify to a certain point, even though they know there's something in there that is so much bigger. Just like, you know, it's crazy because you are now, you know, co founder of Radius with a valuation of $250 million. That's literally insane. If you probably would have told yourself that 10 years ago, you would have been like, I don't even know how that's going to be possible for me. And it's a million little shifts and a million little steps. And I really want to talk about, you know, I think in the beginning with achievement. So you talked all about, which I so identify with. Like, you kind of have to, like, if you feel unworthy sometimes. I know that my journey, it sounds like your journey, was almost where we had to achieve enough to understand that it just wasn't gonna get more fulfilling. Like, the more you achieve, the more you were like, oh, dang. You know. So what do you say to people? First of all, because I do want to get into this second question, but what do you say to people who are maybe like, you know, I. I do believe it takes a lot of yeses in order to start getting clear on who you are and what you want to do in order to move into the no muscle of your life and the no of your life to make room. But what do you say to those people who kind of might even need to be in that, like, year of yes in achievement? How do you kind of know the difference that.

That question? Like, okay, let's grab some light pink and, like, do a seminar. Because that's a. That's a seminar. Yes. Yeah. You know, to the point you made the. You know, just before we. We got into the show, I was in a meeting, and, you know, it's in my company. It's like me and all these men, right? And. And we're going over a Gantt chart, like an engineering chart. And. And I'm like, are we using two servers for this? And they're like, no, I think we could do it with one. I'm like, how many CPUs are we doing? And then. And then they're like, yeah, when you talk to them, do you ask them if they're providing the POE switch? And I'm like, I can, but are we going to provide the UPS switch? You know, And I'm like, the. Laurie. The words are coming out of my mouth, and I'm like, I'm still like, what the heck? You know, like, it's like speaking this whole other language. So, you know, with your. With your question, I think that the big thing is that we want to begin to be okay with the word no now. It doesn't matter. I was a homeless single mom, and so what did I say no to back in 2000? Well, initially, I said no to dating. I'm like, screw this. I'm not going to start dating. I just. I messed up up. You know, I. You know, by my husband, I had made him promise that he would never hurt me. And when things went down and I was really hurt, you know, I was just devastated. So, like, nope, I'm saying no to dating funny things, because, you know, people love humor. So I had this long hair, and I was like, cut it all off. I'm like, I'm saying no to long hair right now because I just don't have time to deal with hair. But I really said no to whatever wasn't in alignment with putting a roof over my daughter's head, with getting some money in my bank account, with paying off. I didn't declare bankruptcy. I agreed to pay off all the business loans, which was huge. It took me years to do it, but it was just the person I was. And so everything else was a no. So during that time, I started to get speaking opportunities. I started to get different opportunities to do things. I was just like, no, no, no, no, no. But once Avery and I had a roof over our head once, I could go to the grocery store and not be sweating because I was like, the grocery bill is like, $36. Do I have $36? Once that was all taken care of, then I could start to say yes to some other things. And. And I think where women really struggle around the word no is the following three areas. So just whoever identify which one of these areas you might be in. Number one, the no is the scarcity mentality. It's like, oh, if I don't say yes to this, I'm going to miss out on an opportunity. And when you were on my show, you said, say no to the good so you can say yes to the great. And you can't have that scarcity mentality, because if you're living in scarcity, you're not living in abundance. So that's the first one. The second thing was saying no is around being a people pleaser, so you feel like, oh, you know, I have to say yes to everyone. And beneath that is because you don't feel lovable. So if I say yes to everyone, then they're going to love me more. No, they won't, because 25% of people will Love you no matter what you do. Even if you dye your hair purple and pierce your face, you know, 5 million times and you change your name to Mike, like, they're still going to love you. 25% of the people will like you, but they could stop liking you. 25% of the people don't like you, but they could shift to liking you. And 25% of people aren't going to like you anyway. So saying yes from that place of needing to be loved, that. That actually will repel more people, then attract them to you. And the third reason we tend to say yes and over commit is because we're not thinking big enough. When we're thinking really big, we become aligned with our higher power. And we know, Right. We know that it's like, I can say yes to this because this is in alignment with the woman I want to be or the man I want to be. And I'll give you an example. So, you know, we were, you and I were catching up, as we discussed before the show, and Chris and I, my Chris were just looking at some houses, and I said to the realtor, I actually don't want to see anything that's not a new build. Five years ago, I would have been like, yeah, just show me anything. But I'm like, no, screw it, I'm not going to settle. And people might say, well, Susan, it's because you've been successful. That has nothing to do with it. It's just a mindset shift. It's like, what I deserve, what my family deserves. And all I want in this new house, Laurie, is a koi pond. Like, no, I want other stuff, but I want my damn koi pond. I said to Chris, I'm like, I'm turning 50 next year. I want a damn koi pond. That's like, I want to sit by the damn pond. I want my, My youngest daughter, Emory. She's like, mommy, I've. I've already pre named all your fish. Oh, you know, it's, it's. We can't settle. We just can't settle. In the. Diane von Furstenberg, in her biography, she asked herself this question, am I living into the woman that I want to be? And the thing I want to say to everyone is, take some time, journal. Who is that person that I want to be? And if you're presented with a decision, ask yourself if that virtue is future version of, you would say yes to that. And if she wouldn't, then screw it. Don't do it.

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And if people like, if people don't do that, there's no direction. So every decision feels huge and it takes too long. And that's another big reason, like, you know, with, with how you're playing in, in the world that you are in, you don't really get time to make big. Like take a lot of time on these decisions, assess different things. So you have to have guidelines. Like you have to like be able to have something to measure it up to in your life, in your relationships, in your business life. So what are some things that you can share with us that are like, this is what you hold this up to. Maybe in like, you know, your family life, we can start there and then we can talk about business life as well. What are some things that you just like immediately know? You're like, nope, this doesn't match, you know, what I stand for over here or this isn't matching the direction that I'm going. How do you do that? Can you share with some people, like some of the things that you believe or that you measure it up to?

Oh, for sure. And goodness knows I'm not perfect. It's a standard, right? So in our family life, Sundays, we call them sacred Sundays. So Sundays are just a no. Like we, you know, no, we don't, we won't put our kids in lessons if there's something Sunday. So for us it's, that's the time we regroup. Chris and I usually go for a long run in the morning. We go to church, we, you know, make a big family meal. You know, I, it's, I will, you know, you and I are part of the group. We do a clubhouse on Sunday nights. But it's really, it's that grounding time. It's our Sabbath. Like I turn my phone off on Saturday generally around 4, and it doesn't come on until Sunday at 4. Just, it's a no for us as well. We feel that it's such a privilege to be parents. And so the grounding of like our family as a family unit. So we never have screens at the table every night. All the kids even are 23. She's almost 24 year old, moved home during COVID She's still home a year later. You know, everyone comes in to pray together, from the smallest to the biggest. So we just have our standards. And I read, and hopefully this is useful to some people listening, but I read that kids who have dinner with their parents at least five out of seven nights a week have a 78% less likelihood of having a drug or alcohol problem. So we sit down as a family every night. Some nights it's 4:30, some nights it's 7. But that's just. It's. These are the things that we've raised our kids around. And so far, so good. That's what I'll say with that one.

I mean, it makes so much sense because connection in general, like, especially if it's. I mean, you know, people who are intentional with their connection. But connection in general is like. I can just think back to being a kid, and we ate together a lot until I was probably older in my teenage years, which is probably. Probably when I needed it most. But, you know, I just think about. You don't want to bring. It's harder to hide things, right? It's harder to hide things if you're constantly connecting. You don't have the desire to hide things because you're being more fulfilled by, you know, family connections. I feel like that's even so true for my life and friend life and, you know, relationship life. It's like the more that you create those intentional spaces to connect, the less you're gonna go seek it out in empty things, which is what we do as humans, right? It's like you're not. If you're not being fulfilled somewhere, you're going to go find it somewhere else.

You're one of these rare amazing women that I know that you are so open about everything. Like, you're not going to BS it. Like, if we're out for a hike and I'm like, how are you doing? You're not. Like, everything's freaking wonderful. And I really. What I hope for the world and for humanity is we are going to start to lay our cards on the table and it's like, like me as I am. But if you don't, that's totally cool too, you know, And. And one of the things we've encouraged with our kids is just openness. And I. I feel so sorry for my husband Chris, because having all these girls and just one boy, and they are open about everything. We just drove to Vegas, and if people listening, I know that your show is all over the world, if you don't know. The drive from Vegas, Scottsdale to Henderson, Nevada, which is on the outskirts of Las Vegas, is about four and a half hours. So my two. My girls talked about dating the whole way there, and their ideal man and their ideal date and so on and all the way back so my husband got nine hours, Lori. Of like, dating, dating, dating. I like, oh my gosh.

He's like, I'm launching a dating podcast.

Just learned everything.

That's amazing. And how powerful though. Like, yeah, there's probably a part where it's like, oh God, these are just things I didn't need to know. But also so many things that, number one, can connect to you. Number two, you can actually know about their life. Like, you can know what they're into, what they're talking about. You can help give them advice. Like, even if it's unsolicited.

Right? Absolutely. Yeah. We, we never set out to say we're our kids best friends, but we wanted our kids to be close. And, and as a side benefit, we did become their best friends and they'll come to us with anything. And, and, and it's being a parent, it's not easy. And you're juggling like, parenting. And right now I'm overseeing three businesses like you are, you know, and it's like, you know, it's like do, do, do, do, do, do, like all these balls that are in the air and it's making those decisions. So I, I set a rule. When Covid hit, I said to Emory, who was then 10, I'm like, Honey, whatever I'm doing, you can for you to come in my office if you need a hug, not if you want a snack, just you get your little booty to the kitchen and you get your own snack. But if you need a hug, just come in. So we started that and she's shown up as a hugger. I was being interviewed by Forbes and it was a CEO panel. And you've got like some very powerful Silicon Valley CEOs. There I am. And you know, we're in this Forbes thing happening, and Inchy comes hugs me while I'm in the middle of answering a question, out she goes. And I just said, you know, this is life, right? It's. I'm not going to apologize. I do things for my kids, not in spite of them.

Hey, guys, let's talk about routines. I want to tell you something I'm so proud of. I have been filling my 64 ounce water bottle every single day and I've been drinking it all. And sometimes I do this twice.

Twice what?

Okay, it's because I am using liquid IV hydration multiplier plus immune support to maintain and strengthen my immune system. Why is this so important? Because just like you, I know you're listening to this because you have big goals, just like myself. Whether it's in your business or in your body or both. And that means you have to take care of yourself. And that's why this is so important to me, you guys. I am obsessed with making sure that not only I get my water, but that I get my vitamins. So let's talk about hydration multiplier plus immune support. It's a cutting edge blend of vitamin C, zinc, and wellmune. And it's in a single serving convenient packet to help strengthen your immune system. So vitamin C is well known to help protect your body and support good health. Zinc is the second most abundant trace mineral in your body and it supports immune cell health and function. And wellmune is a naturally sourced beta glucan that's proven to help strengthen your immune system. Each packet is full of fresh, natural tangerine flavor. And it tastes so freaking good. Trust me, if I can drink 64 ounces of water, I'm telling you, that's not necessarily the suggested serving size, but that's what I do, you guys. Liquid IV can provide two to three times more hydration than water alone. So get your liquid IV's hydration multiplier plus immune support in bulk at Costco.

Or you can just make it super.

Easy and order online. And get 25 off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code happy at checkout. That's 25 off anything you order when you get better hydration today using promo code happy@liquidiv.com. God, that's just a lesson for, I think even this past year and just life in general. I think in order to just really step into your highest version of yourself and to enjoy your life, like, you gotta just not sweat the small stuff. And you also have to realize, like, if you, if we want to live this life and you know, I know that. I read your book have it all woman.

Right?

That's what it's called. Okay, I'm going way back. If we want to have it all, it really is like you're going to have to let certain things be okay and not care what other people think. And I think this old paradigm of like, you know, it's gotta look professional and you have to wear a business suit and business has to look this way and X, Y and Z. Your Internet shouldn't go out in the middle of things. Like it's all gonna happen. And I think that the sooner that we accept that and that, you know, the sooner that I accepted that is when I could truly start to move into figuring out how to become that person and achieve things and, you know, just let go. Like, what is something that you had to let go of? Like maybe perfectionism or, or something like that in order to like, give yourself the freedom to be Susan.

Oh my gosh, it's so funny. I want to do my next book. I, like, I have different titles going through my head, but I almost want to do like all the things. Like 25 things I've learned from doing business with mostly men. Like as the only woman in the room. And you'll like, there's one guy I can think of and he's a senior vice president for a massive multi billion dollar company. Inevitably, every meeting we're in, dude is wearing the same thing, like the exact same thing. And I used to like, you know, he makes a lot of money, he's super smart, but he either has a lot of the same quote unquote work uniform, like jeans, black blazer, dress shirt. Right. White dress shirt. So I'm, I, you know, I'm. I'm like, I'm putting way too much thought into my fashion and I love fashion. I do. So one of the things I let go of was, you know, thinking, you know, overthinking. Like I'm a woman in a man's world and have to dress a certain way and how much femininity. And I'm like, screw it, I'm just going to wear exactly what I want to wear that's aligned with me. So, you know, as funny as that is, it's not a mindset thing. So I just, you know, I develop my own uniform. I don't wear the same thing every day, but it was so liberating because I was like, I just walk into these meetings and guys in the tech world especially, like, there is a uniform, if they're making a certain amount of money, they've got some and like bougie tennis shoes on, like, you know, Gucci or, you know, whatever. And then they're wearing, generally speaking, jeans, a T shirt and a blazer. And I'm like, they're very comfortable and I'm in six inch heels. I'm just. So I. One of the things I let go of was like heels and a bunch of stuff. But from a mindset perspective, it was really letting go of the imposter syndrome as we spoke about earlier, because the reality is I earned my way here, right? I was brought into this world because I had certain skills. One of my skills is raising money. It's not complicated. And so I earned it. And so the moment I Allowed myself to say, I'm supposed to be here. It was so amazing, Lori, how the conversations shifted, because we teach people how to treat us, and people are reflecting back to us, all of our insecurities. So the moment I went, hey, I belong here. Not from an arrogance point of view. It's just internally knowing, hey, I belong here. I've earned it. I know what the heck I'm talking about. Not 100% of the time, but 99% of the time. And I'm like, wait a minute. Yeah, this is cool. And so it really shifted things. And I have to tell you, I am having so much fun. And it actually, because I'm feeling so fulfilled in what I'm doing, it's translating into all of the other things and has even brought back new levels of fulfillment and things that had previously lost fulfillment, which is super cool.

I love that I am feeling that so hard for you and for me.

Just.

I was just thinking I could replace the word fulfillment for you with, like, I'm feeling so, Susan, like, when you are fully you. You're just in. You're, like, in flow. You're happy, you're satisfied, you're showing up fully you in so many ways. And I think that permission of, like, you know, I earned this. I belong here. There's a couple phrases like that that have just shifted my life. And I know that that's one for you. I'll share one for me. And I'd love to hear another one that maybe really helped you. Whether that was like. Like, step into, like, not caring about something or understanding, you know, something about business. For me, lately, one has been from Chris, my husband, who literally just says, you know, it's very easy to get emotional, especially in business, when we're dealing with people's money or feelings. And he's just so cut and dry. Like, he's like, lori, it's just business. Like, separate the worlds. It doesn't matter if that's your friend. Like, if this is how this feels and you're operating, you know, with high intention in the business world, and you're. You're operating in. In the good and the clear and all the things, then it's just business. Like, don't make the conversation last as long. Don't put energy around it. Like, just really be intentional with love and then call it a day. Like, make it quick. And that has been such a huge lesson for me. It's how I've been able to move, you know, really quickly and also understanding with raising money. Like, this is Switching it from, you know, I, I need this money to operate to like this is an opportunity for them and they're really lucky to be a part of it. And that has given me all of the freedom to step back into Lori. And it's kind of like the things that remove you from you, Right. That make you feel like not grounded and all of the things. So for you, what have been a couple phrases in your life outside of the I earned this, I belong here, that have really like shifted moments in time for you.

Oh yeah, sure. And, and I love what your Chris is saying. It's just business men look at it as women. We emotionalize it like a contract agreement. Gosh, I was reviewing one this morning with one of our vice presidents and we have 30amendments we want for this contract. 30? Yeah. And I think before I would go, okay, are they going to go for it? And I don't, I'm like, to your point, it's a privilege in my humble opinion, for them to do business with us. Right. So for me it's a strategy and I have different levels of escalation of things that will help me go and do what it is I'm required to do in the moment. So I'll give an acronym. My friend Jerry, she shared this with me I thought was so brilliant. So when is it that time to stop? Because you need a moment. So one of my phrases is I just need a moment. But the acronym is halt and it stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired as women. When we are any of these things, or God forbid, all of these things, that's when we need to halt and we need to step back. And so what are those strategies? So for me, when I'm in one of those places, I know that Susan, being Susan is likely going to put more emotion into something than needs to be there. So I have short term things which is, you know, just, you know, take some deep breaths or if I have that time, go for a 10 minute walk. Or I'll just say to Chris, I just need you to hold me. And then I'm okay. And then I go back and I'll say to him, I don't need you to fix it, I just need you to hold me. Or another one I have is I just need you to listen. I don't need you to fix it. And especially when we're cohabitating with our love and on top of it, we're doing business with him because Chris is the CFO of RADIUS and he's also CFO for other companies. That sometimes things get intertwined. And so just having strategies. Right, I think is so huge because for all of. Of us, especially as women, we have a thousand times the neural synapses between our left and right hemispheres of our brain than men do. So for us, it's never a simple. This is just a contract negotiation. See, I knew. That's why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we take it so personally. No, they have that clause in there. It had nothing to do with your gender. It's just that that's who the company's being. You can fight it, you can live with it, you can adjust it. It just is what it is. And so I think that at the end of the day, Lori, whatever it is, whether it's a phrase or strategy, our basket of items to handle things, especially in the business world, can never have too many things in it. We have to have tools in there that we can access, and we have to be cognizant of what those tools are.

Wow. You know, the more that I'm talking to you and just that I talk to people in general, it's like, it.

It's.

It's not that we know everything or, you know, everything, or the people that people think is successful, you know, has all of these. They were just born that way. It's literally through experience and deciding that if that experience was not the one that they enjoyed or wanted, that you create a tool around it. Like, you go and ask and you figure out, how can I not have this particular experience again? Like, how can I be empowered around this? How can I know what's coming? And I think that's been the biggest. That's been the most powerful thing, because I think one of the most disempowering places is when I just thought people were different than me or they had more than me or, you know, it was just they were smarter than me. Like, that's such an easy. That was so easy for me when I even got into network marketing to look at people on stage. That was really the first. First big, like, moment of, you know, learning different businesses and seeing these different people who were making way more money than me. It's the moment where you decide if you think that these people are better or smarter than you or if they just learned more, like, if they just had different tools. And that was so empowering for me. What was that moment for you when you realized it was just like collecting tools?

Oh, gosh, I think I've been collecting tools my entire life. And it's like, okay, what's the Challenge, what tools are required in order to go to that next level? I guess. And I think very quickly, I realized that I wasn't going to put people on a pedestal. It's written, don't worship false idols. And I was doing a speaking event. Oh, gosh, this is so long ago in Las Vegas. And it was a lot of guys. It was me. It was early on in digital marketing. It was a digital marketing event. And there were people that I had admired, right? And they're speaking, and then we go backstage and everyone's having cocktails, and one guy goes to another guy, how much did you pull out of the room? And then how much did you pull out of the room? And then someone goes to me, like, how much did you pull out of the room? And it felt so dirty. And I said, firstly, I'm not going to share. And I said, the second. Second thing, guys, is I don't look at it like that. I look at it as, how did I add value? Now adding value, there's just an energetic exchange. And that energy can often show up in money. And so it was in that moment that, you know, and you and I have known people that were so seduced by this, the stage, they started getting on stages that cost them their marriages, it cost them access to their kids. I know one guy, it actually cost him his life. He sadly crashed in a plane crash. And, you know, all this stuff. And I think that, you know, people are just people, and at the end of the day, we shouldn't be worshiping anyone, Right? I mean, you know, I personally. I know lots of people have different beliefs. I just personally believe there's one God. So I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna put anyone on a pedestal. But I. Going back to this concept of tools, one of many things I admire about you is you have this curious heart. And that is an essential tool if you are going to be successful. Because if you don't know, you don't want to make something up, you want to be able to ask. And then the second part of that is you want to be able to figure out creative ways to add value to people. And a big tip I want to give everyone is figure out ways to turn your adversaries into your allies. And so one of the things I do is when I find someone who is a little adversarial, I treat it like a game, and I figure out what this person wants, and then I figure out a way to give it to them. And so in doing that, there have been many, many times where that person who was a big critic ended up helping me in a very significant way. And I could, you know, there's so many things, so many stories I could tell. But if. Do you figure out a way to turn your adversaries into your allies? And if you look at some of the bigger social media influencers I know recently, I can't remember who it was, but Khloe Kardashian, someone had criticized her, she had posted a photo of her daughter and something, I don't know what was going on. And there was a woman who is very critical and she was like, oh, it must be nice to have all that money. And Khloe Kardashian actually took time, corresponded with her, found out she was going through some tough things, helped her and, and you know, I'm not saying that everyone should aspire to be Kardashians, but it's just the example that's the top of my mind. And regardless of the business someone's in, figure out a way to do that. And you are going to be so surprised at how fast your career goes on a trajectory. Like most people, when someone's being hypercritical, they don't step back and say, why is this person doing this? Are they doing it because they want me to get better? Or are they doing it because they want to tear me down? Or are they doing it because they're in pain? Those are the three reasons why. If someone is being critical and they want you to get better, then use that to your advantage. If someone's critical and they're in pain, you have that opportunity to help them do it. If the other person is just tearing you down, it's your choice what you want to do. But I would say another piece of advice I have for everyone is treat it like fun. And so start to replace the I have to with it's fun that I get to. So it's fun that I get to review this 30 page contract. It's fun that I get to, you know, post on social media even if I don't feel like it. It's fun that I get to walk into this boardroom with only men and pitch my business when I know that women led pitches is only have a 2% funding rate. It's fun that I get to as opposed to I have to.

Oh man, it just changed. Even if, even if, when you're saying it, sometimes you don't believe it at first. Like really that I love that because I have to do that a lot with different challenging things right now. And I'm like, wait, there's a day that I would have loved to have had this opportunity, or I would have never believed I would even get this opportunity to be doing these hard things. So, like, you're actually doing that. That is like, one of the most powerful tools. So I just want to talk about that for one more second. With the kind of turning adversaries into allies. And I know that majority of the time, yes, that totally. It's like a brilliant way to go. But once in a while, we get those people who, no matter what you do, it's just not gonna work. They're not gonna let you in their life. You're never gonna be right. It's just literally a soul contract that is not meant to happen. Have you had that? Obviously, you don't have to share who, but I want to know, you know, what have you.

What.

What have you done with situations like that where it's been really hard? Maybe it was someone who's in your life for a long time and you just cannot seem to, like, you know, maybe you had a falling out or a disagreement, or you don't understand why they can't see things a certain way. What do you do in those times? Because I think if you're in business long enough, you're going to have a few of those where it just did not end the way that you want.

Oh, yeah, it's going to happen. Yeah. I mean, there's a laundry list. I had in my network marketing business, I had people that had paid their rent and they left the team and talked smack about me. I've had all sorts of things. One of the things that gives me comfort is the following concept. We can never have anything in our life that we wouldn't spend first want for our enemy. I'm going to say that again. And for some people, they're going to be like, what? I can't handle that. You know, go read. You know, go. Go read the Dao Te Ching, right? Go read the New Testament. Go read the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Go read all of these books, and you begin to see. You know, it's fun. I've spent, you know, I've read from the time I was homeless. I probably read like a thousand books. I've read a lot of books in. I grew up in a Buddhist, Jewish, Christian household, right. So I'm a big believer in the Golden Rule and karma and, you know, I'm Christian. All of those things, they're represented in the New Testament. But that concept of being able to Say and pray over that person that they will have abundance when you want abundance, that they will have wealth when you will have wealth. And you've heard the story, you know, if you go out for revenge, you might as well bring dig two graves, Right? So what I started last summer was a prayer practice that is now an over an hour every morning when I literally, I have a list of people I pray for. And some of them, I know have said horrible things about me or some of them have done things, but I pray for them anyway. And because I firmly believe that I dare ask not for something that I wouldn't want for someone else. Sure, that's easy. So, you know, I can pray for, you know, you guys to be successful with all of your ventures, which I do, and I can pray for light pink to be successful. But we're really good friends and of course I want that for you. But could I pray for that success for someone who's hurt me? And since I started doing that, it's incredible the peace I feel, because when I have that adversary, I will go and pray over them. Something I want. And I'll just give you a quick example of a prayer. So there was a person who, you know, had, you know, there was different things that happened, and there are two sides to every story, but, you know, it really, really hurt. And so when things happened and so I tried just, I kept praying. I'm like, God, please restore this person's gifts of love and compassion. You know, I started to pray over their family. I just started to, you know, and I'm not going to tell you that that person called me up and said, oh, I'm so sorry, or anything that didn't happen. But I'll tell you, man, I just have so much peace around it because you can't go out, I can't finish doing this show and then go and call a radius client and negotiate our next level of our service agreement if I don't have that peace in my heart. Because all of these places of unforgiveness, they just, they add up and it's like this cancer of the soul.

Yeah, it's literally debilitating. I am so glad you shared that. I think it's one of, from, you know, just what I hear from so many people. Like, one of the things that stops them, they're carrying too much weight. Like they are carrying too much past. And it's not like you said, there's so many things that aren't necessarily fixable in the way that you want, but you can have massive peace around them. And it might seem like crazy right now, but I can even just hear that in your voice. Like, I know that that is a belief and a tool and a truth for you that you've adopted because I. Of how you show up in the world and how you move through things and how you, you know, you have ease and grace and flow, and there's no way that you could have that without understanding what you just explained. So I'm so glad you explained it so eloquently. Yeah. So beautiful. Susan, I am so grateful for you. I could talk to you all day, which, gratefully, I get to, you know, talk to you other times in my life besides this. But where can we find you? Follow you. What's super exciting for you right now? Just for all of the people listening.

Oh, sure. Well, thanks so much for having me. Yeah. Just follow me. At Susansly on Instagram, I'm posting a lot of content that's very focused on, you know, on entrepreneurs and giving tips, whether it's through video or, you know, whatever it is. My website, we're rebuilding that. Susansly.com follow me on clubhouse. You know, sometimes Lori and I jump on Clubhouse and just share, you know, whatever is going on. But I think, yeah, definitely, I'd. I'd love to connect. And Laurie. Yeah? I just want to share this in front of everyone. I'll never forget the first time I really got to know you. And one of the things that struck me was this woman isn't doing any of the things she's doing to try and be better than anyone else. And I thought that was so profound and beautiful. And whether it's been show or a magazine cover in the day or the speaking events or building businesses, you've always been that person. It's doing things because it was what was in alignment for you in terms of how you're adding value to the world. And it's fun that I get to be your friend, but it's also fun that I get to watch you live into your genius. So I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

Oh, my gosh.

Wow.

Well, thank you. That is so awesome to be able to hear that and have it recorded, Susan, so I can listen again. But, yes, you guys, for real, Susan, you've been, like, such a huge mentor for so many years, and now it's really cool that we can actually hang out. So, not that we haven't hung out before, but just, like, go to that next level of really being to have the conversations where we can just be, like, so real and honest and learn from each other. So that's so exciting for me. You guys definitely go check her out. Go look at everything that she's doing, because truly, she is breaking the glass ceiling right now, and I'm just so excited to be a witness to it. And as always, if you love this podcast as much as I did, make sure you tag Susan and myself on Instagram and let her know what your biggest takeaway was like, what was your biggest aha moment, because that is such a gift for our guests to see the value that they got to add to your life and how it impacted you. So, you guys, I'm so grateful for you. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely, absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye.

Bye.