693. Q&A: Discipline and Self-Care

Sometimes self care for me was to stop complaining because I was actually completely pummeling myself with the complaints and I was leaking energy to it. And self care was to stop complaining and to go and get my workout on and be like, go take care of yourself. Stop complaining. Like, go do the things that actually help you feel good about what you're doing in your life.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go, Evans. Welcome back to another episode of questionably awesome, where Ms. Evans is my co host and I'm so excited to be talking to you again. We have another wonderful day planned for a lot of questionably awesome things that will probably come out of our mouth. Evan, this podcast is for people who don't take themselves super seriously. This is a fun one. Questions and answers from our audience members, which is so much fun. We get to shout people out. Yeah, I love that you and I like to laugh and we like to maybe sprinkle in some wisdom in there, you know, somehow comes back to wisdom. So I'm really proud of us. We're so wise. We are. At least we can extract it from ourselves. So, you guys, if you're looking for something a little more, I don't know, serious or educational, this is not it. Go grab a different podcast. There's three other ones per week. It's not hard to find. Check on out of here because we're about to take a ride. I don't.

Oh, they should listen to the one you did with Chris this week. I loved that one.

All right, listen. All right, guys, you heard it here first. Listen to the one this week I did with Chris. I have no. I have no rec.

It was on.

What? It's on.

It was on happiness and productivity. It was so good.

Oh, yeah, that one came from me watching the Sean Acor TED Talk again, which is so good. Yeah. And he also wrote the book the happiness advantage. You guys, such a good book. Yeah. You read it, right?

I Listen to it.

It's so good. It is so good. It's such a good reminder that. Hey. Yeah. You were just telling me that your week was better this week, Evans. Maybe part of it is the realization that happiness makes you a lot more productive as well.

It really does. And I was just in a blue depths of despair place the last two weeks, but now I've crawled my way out.

You know, I would love to know that journey, but we're going to. We're going to jump into some other things also. And I actually think that's an important part of the journey. But you and I were really just talking about this, and it's like, you know, I think as we get older, it's like just the acceptance that your hormones and the day that you have is sometimes gonna be different. Like, I don't know. I do know people who just. They're pretty stable, they're pretty consistent. They're just like, you know, I. I don't get too blue and. And, you know, I've never really experienced that. And I'm like, great. You're not my people. Um, no, you are. You totally are. And I need you in my life. But I'm probably not gonna be the person who talks to you about how I can feel like I'm stuck in a black pit of despair.

Yes.

And it's kind of like. And that's okay. I think sometimes, especially people who have, like, a life and people that they love and, you know, maybe things that they enjoy. You can almost feel guilty telling people because you feel like a horrible little whiny brat. And you're like, but it's real. It feels like a real chemical, like, situation that I'm dealing with. And I. I love now that we're talking so much about mental health. And I just saw a quote tile the other day that said, just remember in the 80s, we never talked about mental health. We just called it mental illness. So it's like, maybe we even have some programming around. Like, I don't know about you, Evans, and I'd love to hear. But when I feel that way, instead of like, how do. Sometimes the first question isn't, how can I make myself feel better? Which is the most important question? Or how can I let this be okay, you know, and just sit with it. My first question is, what's wrong with me? And that anyone.

That's always my first question. And that's such a negative way to talk to yourself.

And it's not, like, helping. It's not finding, like, the root cause either. And if we want to find. If we want to treat the actual root, you have to, like, really think about what also makes you feel better or, like, what are the things that got you to this place? What were you doing? You know, what are you not doing?

And.

And let it be okay. Like, I think I. I've talked about that a lot before in the past, probably last year, about how Chris is always like, that's okay. Like, I'd be like, I am not feeling good. I feel depressed. I feel really anxious. He's like, that's okay. Let it. Let it be okay. Like, that's great. He'd even say crap like that. And I was like, it's not great. And he's like, why isn't it great? Why can't it be great? Like, I don't know.

Good partner.

It's a great partner. It really is. It doesn't make sense. And I want to, you know, smack him in the moment, but it's really just. He's great.

I feel you.

Yeah. You know?

Yes.

Is Evans. Is Adam pretty happy all the time, or does he. Does he go on an emotional train ride sometimes?

No, I think. I don't think there's anyone else that could possibly tolerate me because he is so even. He's just so even all the time. Like, I don't know. I know he. He's a normal human and has emotions, but he's just so dang steady. Like, how do you stay steady like that? I'm a crazy person.

I don't know. And I think they're. Maybe we. You know, maybe we help ourselves by saying they're the crazy ones, and we're like, I don't. I don't understand. What's the deal with your steadiness? You know? Like, how do you. How do you even paint a picture with any meaning if you don't have depth?

Just. Seriously. We keep it fun.

Yeah, exactly. We keep it real fun, you know? And I was just thinking you could nickname him Even, and you could be Evan. So. Evan. And Even. Otherwise, you could adopt the nickname Even. Like, just say when people are like, oh, what's your name? Evan. You're like, no, even. And then you live into it because you're creating that. You're creating that alter ego for yourself.

Yes, even.

Even.

I'm gonna do that because I really need to.

And if we still have your attention, we like to dive right in there. So, Evans, we always start with a quote. I don't have one today, but. So we're gonna talk extra about yours. Tell me about yours.

Okay. Mine's from Marianne Williamson, and I'm listening to her book about the law of divine compensation. So it's more about money, but it's also about everything.

Totally.

And she said, miracles are natural, and I really liked that.

Oh, I love that so much. Miracles are natural. The other day, I really realized that. I was like, I had the feeling in my body like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Oh, things are going smooth. Wow. My, you know, teams are getting set up well, and, you know, things are going great. And I'm like, yeah, but things are going to get hard. Like, really hard. I'm like, everybody tells me it's going to get so hard. While it might do, I really want to be, like, you know, flexing my stomach the whole time, waiting to get punched. I don't want to walk around like that. Like, even though I'd be ready, what if I. What if the punch doesn't come for three months? And the whole time I'm like. And I'm missing good conversation and opportunity and joy in my everyday life because I'm, like, just waiting for the punch. And what are we energetically pushing away when we're doing that? It's crazy. So I think something. Maybe this will help you, because it's helping me as well, is always being asking myself, how can it get better? Like, wow, how good can I take it? So I know we've talked about that as well, but it kind of goes along with your quote, a little bit of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And also when you're saying things like, oh, things are gonna get hard, though, that discounts all the hard work that you've done up to that point.

Yeah, exactly. And I also think what can happen, Evans, is like, you and I might be doing really challenging things, but because we're just doing it in, you know, a good spirit, or we're excited about what we're doing, or maybe it's really challenging to other people, but we've gotten used to doing the thing because it's become a part of our job, or we've gotten used to kind of putting ourselves out there a little bit. We forget that we are doing really hard things every day, you know, so it's kind of like discrediting that as well. Yeah. It's just. It's interesting what we say to ourselves after occurrences happen and what it can be keeping us from. So I love that quote. Do we have a review?

Oh, yeah. And this person's username cracks me up. It's from Ty lizzle Fo shizzle.

Oh, wow.

Love.

I mean next level.

Love Next level. Okay. Lori is always speaking directly to me. I swear, every week it feels like the episodes were made especially for me between the quickies. Questionably awesome. With Evans, he said, she said. With Chris and all the amazing founder episodes, I always felt like Lori knows just thing to share. This is one of the first podcasts I started listening to years ago, actually. Remember when I first listened and it has helped me so much with my mindset and now my business. Lori gives me the courage and confidence to keep freaking going. Thanks Lori and all of your fab co hosts and guests. You're impacting many.

Oh my God. I mean, if I was going to choose to speak to one person, it would definitely be her, right?

Ty Lizzle. Full shizzle.

Ty lizzle for shizzle. I mean, number. We just became number one fans. Yeah, you know what, it's tough to have two number one fans, but Evans and I are both your number one fans. We're going to let that, we're going to let that slide on that one. Thank you so much for sending in that review. Like they're, they're probably like they, they like spike up the energy on this podcast for us.

I could feel it from Kyla's Evans.

Do we have a question today?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Um, let's see. Oh, we were just talking about this one. This one is for Megan. What is your favorite form of self care to keep you in a positive mindset when business feels hard.

Okay, so you and I were talking because we, sometimes we struggle with self care. Because self care actually can mean different things. So you guys need to figure out which side of self care you are on. Because I want to go back to the beginning of when I was really getting into, you know, I don't know, launching any business, putting anything out there. And things felt hard all the time, every single day. But I also realized I was working kind of like I wasn't working super smart yet. I was kind of just like, now this may not, may or may not be you. This is like find, find where you're at. So I'm not like pointing fingers at anyone. This is where I was. Things felt hard all the time. I was like, oh my God, my, this business is so hard. My life is so hard. I'm not taking care of myself. And I realized there's a couple forms of self care. So sometimes self care is to maybe figure out how to work smarter, maybe figure out how to hire somebody so that you're not doing as much. That could be self care so you get some time back. Sometimes self care for me was to stop complaining because I was actually completely pummeling myself with the complaints and I was leaking energy to it. And self care was to stop complaining and to go and get my workout on and be like, go take care of yourself. Stop complaining. Like, go do the things that actually help you feel good about what you're doing in your life. So once in a while, self care looked like a swift like kick in the ass and an attitude adjustment and actually getting more discipline in my life to make myself maybe not have things feel so hard. Maybe I was feeling like things were so hard because I was disorganized, because I wasn't delegating, because I was just in this kind of mopey thinking that things were just hard faced. Now that may not be you at all. You could be completely working your ass off in business and really not allowing yourself any downtime, not giving yourself the self care of even working out or drinking water or, you know, calling a friend or moving your phone away from you. And you know, I think for me right now, because I don't have a lot of time for self care. Self care looks like walks for me. It looks like, make sure I have time for that 30 to 60 minute walk in the morning. Make sure that I create a space to say a prayer or do a little, you know, moving, walking, meditation. It looks like eating healthy right now. So before I go to the fridge, I'm like, okay, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel? It looks like drinking my water. It looks like if I can, you know, just going. And yesterday I went and got my nails done and I wasn't going to. And I'm like, okay, you can go get your nails done. Like, you can go, you know, like, look at your hands and feel good about your hands. Now if you don't like getting your nails done, great, don't get your nails done. But for me it's something that I really enjoy. And that felt like a good moment of like taking care of myself. Oh, and getting my eyebrows waxed, right? Oh yeah, Felt great about it.

A huge difference, huge difference.

And it's not even like, oh, I don't want to look at myself in the mirror. It's kind of like, oh, I just want to like take care of myself. Like, I just want to go do the things that make me feel like I've kind of got my shit in order. So I do think self care always Looks different. Because sometimes self care is not only, you know, getting a massage or giving yourself space. Oh, my God. Sometimes self care for me is just like, give myself an hour to do nothing. I do. I can't remember what people call it, but it's like, it's like when you just kind of do nothing around the house. Like you're just tinkering. Like you have an hour of nothing, but you don't get on your phone and you just kind of like organize or you just kind of like unload the dishwasher if you want. Or you just kind of go in your closet and like take an assessment of what you have. I don't know. It's real weird, but we all do it. Piddle? Is that what it's called? Yeah. It sounds like you kind of pee your pants a little, though.

Well, you might when you're piddling. You might piddle.

Like I piddled for an hour. You're like, oh, that's a really long time to leak. But if you're doing your self care, you could be able to piddle for an hour to be drinking water. You're all loose. Oh my God. I got a six. I'm going to leave that right there. I got a 64 ounce water bottle. It's from Iron Flask. You guys, I wait, I'm gonna take that back because I want an affiliate link. So I sold more of these freaking iron Flasks Evans to people.

Is that the one that tells you, like, you're almost there, keep going? It's not the one that has lines.

It doesn't, but that's a great idea. It has a straw in it. So it just helps me drink more. It's got a straw and it's got this great mouthpiece that pops up and it's 64 ounces. I kind of just put on my desk and lean over and hold it like a baby, but as if I was drinking out of a baby's head and it had a straw. But that probably won't ever happen. And that would be bizarre. But maybe they could shape it like a little Buddha or something. That'd be cute.

That's a good idea. You should tell Iron Floss to do that.

You know what? I think I should get on their marketing team. If they're not doing well, I feel like I could crank up those sales. Look. Serious marketer over here. I feel like I could sell one. Yeah. What do you think of self care?

Oh, I think I'm in the camp right now where I need more discipline. I need like a mean mom hanging around. And oh, and also remember when we voice texted last week and I was telling you that I was down and you were like, you should try connecting with people. Like sometimes that helps me if I haven't been connecting. And guess what? What? It was crazy because my mom, she was like, let's do a challenge. And you know what our challenge is? What? It's to call. Call on the phone. Three people every day for five days.

That is so good. How do you feel?

It's good.

I don't.

Day one was yesterday for us. It's really fun, I think. I know that's a lot of time for people, but if you could call like one person this week, do it. No, you've just about.

You are so right. It's the weeks that I'm. It's funny, Evans, because I, I consider myself an introvert and I'm like, no, I need more alone time. And do you know what happens the second I get too much alone time? I get really blue and I'm like the weeks that I'm really connecting with people a lot, I don't feel that way. I might feel a bit busy, but I actually don't dip into that really like blue space that I can get sometimes. And so I think sometimes we can fight with what we think we are and we may not be as much of an introvert as we think. Like, I'm really starting to learn that maybe I'm not as introverted as I think because like connecting and having my two runs now with Lindsay a week is changing my entire life. Like having somewhere to be, even having people live with us nonstop. So you guys, we've had two people living with us, my brother in law and his girlfriend since November 11th in the house or since beginning of November. And we've had like company and so many things. And, and while it felt like a lot, as long as I get like two days to myself or a day even, I am like, I haven't really been getting to that place at all. So that's good. I, I now don't get me wrong, I had to fight with the extreme opposite of wow, this is a lot. And I'm like super anxious because I just need some space. But I definitely now I'm finding the balance of, oh, maybe I need more people in my life than I thought and maybe I just need a bit of, you know, need to make sure I have these consistent one or two days where I just can like really be with my thoughts and myself. So yeah, I'm really surprising myself and I think that this is going to be a huge thing for you and I can't wait to hear about it next week. Don't forget to tell me or I will. I don't forget to ask.

A lot of people don't answer their phones though, so at first you might be leaving voicemails, but that's okay.

Yeah. And honestly, you could even just shoot them a quick text beforehand to be like, hey, do you have five, ten minutes to chat? I would love to just catch up, but I promise it won't be long because some people are like, Evans is calling, maybe she has something to talk to me about for an hour and I'm not ready for that. So.

Exactly.

We need little warnings now, you know.

Yeah. Nobody calls anymore.

No, it's, it's almost like why you call. Did you. But dial me like, I will text my friends. You must like, oh, you accidentally butt dialed me. They're like, no, I called you. No, no you didn't.

No you didn't. That was an accident. Rude.

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Do you want one more question? Do you have time?

Let's see. Let's see if we can get another one.

Okay. Oh, this is from Christie and she's been doing a lot more presenting and speaking around her purpose, but she feels so anxious and tight and in her chest and she feels like voice doesn't come out but she has to keep speaking. So how do you cope with anxiety and speaking engagements?

You just keep doing them. I, it's funny, I'm out of practice right now, like in person or in front of a lot of people. I can do it all day on a podcast. I can do it online. Like, well, honestly. No, hold on. I was just on a clubhouse like last week or two weeks ago and there was like a thousand people in the room and I just about shit my pants because I could hardly breathe. Like it's. Because it's live and it felt very like it was new and it felt like a lot of, you know, like there were some people that I like look up to on there. And I was like, wait a minute. I did not know this was happening. And I just started freaking out. And I still. I had to, like, talk for the hour, and that was really crazy. And you just have to, you know it's going to go away. There will be. It's. It's like a wave. Like I always tell people, when you start talking, it's going to feel like a tidal wave is coming, and it's spiking, spiking, spiking, spiking. And just keep focusing on what you're. What you want to happen, not on the anxiety. Because if you keep going, oh, my God, it's happening, it's happening, it's happening. It doesn't ever take you down. It will wash over you. You will hit a point where it stops. So give yourself a breath. So if we're talking about what happens in it, opposed to what happens if you keep speaking long term, we'll talk about both. So let's say you're actually talking about, you know, what happens when the anxiety comes and I have 20 minutes left or, you know, an hour left to talk. Well, you do have to give yourself some tools. So you have to know that if it is coming and you start to feel it, try not to focus on it too much. You're gonna. Of course you're feeling it, so it feels like it's all you're focusing on. But if you can just be like, what do I want to happen? Or, you know what, give me one second, or slow down. Or if you can, there's a couple tricks that you can do. You can switch it back on your audience. If someone's interviewing you, you can kind of just, like, stop your sentence and let them ask another question. Or you can be like, you know, I'm curious to see how you feel about that, too. You can flip it on them for a second. If you're having an extreme panic attack, if you are in front of an audience and I've started having, like, what felt like was going to be a pan attack, I've been like, you know, I just want you to take a minute. Let's take a few deep breaths together. Or I've asked a question to the audience and had them, like, maybe ask a partner next to them. Like, it just depends. I have all of these different tools. And if you're not sure what that looks like, you know, that's probably. You can DM me to ask, what would that look like exactly if I was speaking in front of people? Just because I don't want to go down that rabbit hole too much, but there are tips and tricks you can do. But most of all, just be real. Like, sometimes I'm like, okay, I just need a second. I just need a minute to, like, take a breath. Like, I'm so excited, but I'm feeling a little anxious. I've got butterflies in my stomach, so let's all just take a deep breath together. I've absolutely done that and been like, hey, guys, sometimes this gets me really nervous to speak in front of people. Give me one second. I'm gonna collect my thoughts. Okay. And it. It tends to rush over you. You know, it tends to rush over you, and you get through it. So I think that's something really big as far as, like, it coming back. I haven't spoke for a while. I'm a bit out of practice. I'm going to go speak on Saturday. It's. It's like 30 people in person, and then it's a. It's 2,000 people online, so you're kind of, like, in a room, like, seeing the screens, you know, that type of thing. And I am, like, really nervous again. So it doesn't. It doesn't go away for me. I just know that, you know, okay, worst case scenario, I pass out. Big deal. Are they gonna be like, did you see that girl that passed out? Oh, my God. Unfollow. What a loser. I'm writing a blog. I'm doing a podcast. If anything, they'd be like, well, if she can pass out, I can pass out on stage. Like, that was my worst fear. And now if she did it, she got it over with. So it's kind of like, if. You know what? If that happens, great, it happens. And I come back and I'm like, whoa, that was terrible. And here I am, you know, and talk about that experience of, like, my worst nightmare just came true, and I'm still here. I'm totally fine. So I think it's just, like, accepting what could happen and also knowing it. It won't. Like, it'll wash over you and you'll be fine. And if you have to say you're really nervous or, oh, my God, I need a breath. Like, wow, this is, like, making me so nervous. Just give me one second, and I'll get back to my thoughts. You know, I was at a TED Talk, and I watched a woman do that. Like, she was just like, hold on, I'm. She literally said, I'm freaking out. I have to take my shoes off. Because she literally could not get grounded. So during a TED Talk. So it was when I was giving my TED Talk and she went and gave a TED Talk after. No, sorry, it was before me. Guess what freedom that gave me. I literally watched her freak out, take her shoes off, and then do great at her talk, you know, but it wasn't. I'm. If I'm being honest, it was a real bad first three to five minutes, and I was so uncomfortable. And then once she got her bearings, I was like, okay, if she can do that, we can do anything. And everybody was just, like, cheering her on. And it was like the most beautiful thing ever because she was on the struggle bus, like, freaking out and telling us on stage while being recorded for a TED Talk. So it just gave me so much freedom. And I. So I went later and I was like, okay, guess what? If that's. If I have to take my shoes off up there, if I have to do something up there, it's going to be like, this is the place to do it. So here we go. So if anything, she gave me so much freedom and I just felt for her and I wanted to cheer her on. You have to remember that's what. That's what's gonna happen. So you don't need to look like you have it all together. Nobody does. They're lying. Everybody gets nervous. Every single speaker I've ever talked to, after they get off stage, I did, like, massive research for a while around, like, when I was. Whenever I was speaking, I would ask people when they got off stage, do you still get nervous? Or before they went on, they all did. So every single super seasoned speaker still gets nervous. So it's fine.

Yeah. And in improv class, we learned that one of the things you learn is to not be so afraid of, like, the little silences that come or the little, like, in between things, you just kind of lean into it and you're like, all right, it's okay that it's silent right now. Like, just getting myself together to my next thought. Yep, it's all good. It's all gonna work out.

Totally. Amen, sister. Okay, Evans. Any last. Any last sprinkles of. Of Tinker Bell fairy dust.

Get your stuff together.

Yeah. What? Like what? Just get your together. Just get it together and let it be. Okay. If you have a nervous breakdown and start. Start the three person a day challenge, I mean, that's hardcore.

Yes, that's hardcore.

I want to know how today goes, so just text me.

Okay.

Don't call me. Just kidding. You can call me. I can be one of your people. Okay, you guys, we're so grateful for you. Let us know what your biggest takeaway was. Let us know how we changed your life today. Just kidding. Oh, yeah. But if we did, that'd be awesome. I mean, it'd be great to hear about it. Maybe we made them less nervous, or maybe just by listening to us, they feel better about their lives. I don't know. We don't know. They're now, like, anyone can have a podcast. They are. They're all gonna start podcasts because they're like, look, anything is going to be better than what Lori's talking about right now. Evans, on the other hand, she's always great. Oh, no. But I'm allowed to. I'm allowed to make fun of myself. Okay, you guys, we're so grateful for you. And until next time, remain questionably awesome. Bye, Evans.

Bye, Lori.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.