695. Coping With A Public-Facing Life with Becca Tilley

Having those experience that aren't pleasant and having to realize that someone's not good and being able to say these are my boundaries and I'm only letting this type of person into my life so that we can grow together.

Welcome to the Earn your Happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform. I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, subscribe. We're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. I had such a fun time talking to Becca Tilly on this podcast and I also got to meet her at a Create and Cultivate event which was really fun. Becca Tilly is a television personality, podcast host, and style and beauty influencer. She's a Louisiana native and she quickly got put into the public eye after appearing on seasons 19 and 20 of the Bachelor. Now you can listen to Becca on her I Heart podcast, Scrubbing in with Becca Tilly and Tanya Rad, where she covers everything from dating and relationships to her love of Grey's Anatomy and anything that falls in between Scrubbing in won the People's Choice Award in 2018 and 2019 for Best Pop podcast. We talk a lot about how getting thrown into the public eye really quickly has affected her and how she deals with it. You guys, you definitely are going to relate to this one if you've ever put yourself out there. So let's get started.

Becca, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you for having me. I'm honestly, I was looking at your previous guest list, and I was like, why am I doing. This is awesome. How did I get to it?

Oh, God, no, you're awesome. This is amazing. And we were just getting to chat, and it's like, I am so excited to talk about all of the things because you are in one of my favorite seasons to catch people in, and that is complete transition, when you are perceived as, like, a certain way. But you actually. And I'm gonna ask all about this, but you might potentially, like, internally be experiencing this crazy shift and transition and even maybe a lot of struggle and identity struggle and all of the things. And maybe, like, you know, fear of people expect you to be one way, and now you have to go be a beginner again in something, and maybe you have all these questions about your worth and if you can even do this. And, oh, my God, you're supposed to win at things because that's, like, what you do. And I actually think that people. There's not a lot of people who fully understand that or are talking about it enough to. Because in a way, everyone is dealing with this. They're leaving their old identity to go into something new. And it's like, oh, my God. So that path of. Of that trail, I always call it, like, walking through, like, Death Valley with no tools, and you have to be like, what do I need to get to this, like, other side? So it was so cool to just hear, like, this. This transition. So just tell me, just for people who maybe, you know, don't know, what are some things that you're doing now? What are you known for? All the things. A little bit of a quick Becca backstory.

It's so funny, all the things you said. It sounded like you've been in my therapy session.

Girl, we're in the same. We're in the same boat.

That's why I am known from being on the Bachelor. I was on two seasons, season 19 and season 20, which was crystals and Ben Higgins. And after that, I started. I naturally just kind of gravitated into the influencer space. And I was working for a chiropractor before I went on the show. So I had no. I had never been like, a blogger or been in that space. And when I went on the show, Instagram was kind of just. You shared random photos of your life and put weird captions and filters on there. So I ended up finding my management team, be Social, and they kind of steered and helped guide me into the branded world of social media, which was. I mean, I wouldn't have been able to do it without them. I honestly say that from, like, a place of being very confident in who I am and what I'm capable of, but also just feeling totally lost in this new world that was kind of. I guess the bloggers had touched it, but the influencer, I didn't know what that was. So that's kind of what I'm known for. And I'm. I currently have a podcast with my best friend Tanya. It's called Scrubbing in with Becca Tilly and Tonya Rad. And that's kind of been. My focus is the. Especially during the pandemic and quarantine times. And beyond that, it's social media. So it's a very fulfilling and yet tricky, I guess, job to navigate. Yeah. So that's just a quick summary of who I am. Okay.

There's so much there. I'm like, what direction do I want to go? Okay, so I want to get to the transition period, but we're going to hold on that for one second because I know that you have this whole thing brewing inside of you right now, which is so freaking exciting and probably really, really scary. So before we go there, I just want to talk because I always find it fascinating when I talk to, you know, different influencers or people who have really kind of been, like, thrown into the spotlight. Like, you probably knew what was coming, but maybe not really to the extent that. Especially now, just like when you were on. How many years ago was that that you were on?

It was five years ago. Was the. Or six years ago? Yeah.

So it was like in the. Yeah, you're on tv, but you almost were. You know, it wasn't so much social media. Now it's just, like, hardcore. You are just, like, out there for everybody to, you know, leave. Leave a comment of what they think of everything that you do, and we forget that behind every single one of these, like, TV Personas or whatever it is, podcast Persona, like, you know, Instagram influencer, there are, like, really sensitive people, like, real life people you guys. So just because so many of the. This translates really well actually to my audience because a lot of them are big dreamers, entrepreneurs. The biggest thing that they're afraid of is judgment from other people. What if I fail in public? What if I say the wrong thing? Oh, my God. What if I, you know, get bullied? What if people think I stole their idea? What if I completely fail in public? These are all things that I know with your future ventures, you're going to be so successful because it's one of the hardest things to get through. So I want to know some of the tools, like the coping mechanisms that you use throughout some of the different things that you've experienced, because I know if you are even in the forefront as much as you are, that you've experienced all of them.

Yeah, it's so funny because when I went on the Bachelor, I. I was so confident in who I was as a person. And like, I feel like I make friends easily. I feel like I get along with people I can talk to, mostly anyone. And so when I went on the Bachelor, the thought of someone not liking me or criticizing me, like, I didn't even think about that. Like, I was so naive to the judgment that comes from being on a reality TV show. And so when I got off and I mean, honestly I didn't do, there was nothing that I experienced on the Bachelor, like any edits or anything that I was embarrassed about or anything like that. But when people just didn't like me because they were rooting for someone else to win, like, my heart was broken that these strangers hated me just for the fact that they like someone else better. And so I struggled a lot with trying to comment and like have banter with them so that they realized that I was actually like a cool person and put so much energy into thinking about these people who just knew me from clips on the show, you know, And I still, to this day, I mean, that was six years ago. And I still have those thoughts of wanting to please everyone and having to let go of the negativity or people who don't agree with me. Like, I went. I've started going to therapy for the first time this year and it's helped me so much be able to kind of use tools to let go of strangers opinions. Because ultimately, when you're going for your goal or you're living your life and you're doing something, you're gonna have criticism, whether it's from someone else feeling insecure, someone feeling jealous, or someone just wanting to be a Troll to bring you down. Like, there has to be a way of being able to let go. And I still, like I said to this day, I will read something and I'll read 100 nice comments, and I'll read one bad one and guess which one I'm thinking about. So I think a lot of it, you know, stems from wanting to make sure that everything's agreeable. Like when, like, the political stuff and religious stuff, it all really overwhelms me because I hate when people don't agree. And so I've had to have this realization that not agreeing or having different opinions isn't negative. It's just different. Like, you can just have differences and then not be positive or negative. You don't have to celebrate them. You don't have to deep dive into them. It can just be, we're different. And so, yeah, that's kind of what I'm learning. But it's hard. I mean, it's every. It's. It's ingrained in me to please people, and it's exhausting. And there's part of it that I love because I love that I'm compassionate and empathetic and want to help. But then there's a part of me that's like, you don't have to fix everything. Some things can be left alone.

Oh, man. Has there been a part of you that just, like, have you wanted to not be so much in the forefront, like, as of recent, just because it feels heavy or you haven't been able to. You know what I mean? It's just like the constant. Have you thought about five or ten years from now, and do you always kind of want to be in the forefront or do you want to create different things where maybe it's not fully you because of that or has that, like, do you feel like you have the coping skills to be able to carry on continuously kind of as the forefront?

Well, I think being able to recognize that I am this way and knowing that it's essentially part of who I am and how my brain works. I love. I mean, I have maybe a couple of days here and there where I'm like, I hate social media. I'm deleting everything. But for the most part, I really love social media, really have, like, I know everyone says this, or I think most people feel this way, but I really feel like I have one of the kindest communities on social media and our. We have a podcast Facebook group, and it is. I have never. I don't know any other group that speaks to each other like this and reaches out for help and like really comes. They come together for each other. But I have moments where it'd be nice to come out with some have success that wasn't necessarily attached to my name. Like I if I could create something that wasn't necessarily about me that didn't have my name attached to it and it just had long success. Yeah. And then on the opposite end, I love the community. I love being able to reach out to people and have people have similar views and values and action and also have like constructive conversations. Because sometimes someone will reach out and say something really harsh or they'll just say like, I don't agree with what you said. And we have a conversation and like can understand where each other's coming from. And maybe we don't end up agreeing, but we end up respecting each other. And I think that that is one of the most valuable things that social media can offer right now.

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That's so powerful. And I want to know about, you know, you say your community. You don't know many other communities like that. That's really from you guys. So what do you think that is that? Because that's top down, right? Like if, if you were a raging bitch or like if you treated other people a certain way, your community wouldn't be that way. So what do you think that is in your core values and how you show up and the intentions that you put as, you know, when you're thinking of how you want to show up in the day, like who Becca is, what do you think that is?

You know, I have always, it's. It's hard not to sound like cliche, but I've always tried to focus on being kind to people and like, even if they hurt, you know that it's not. Especially if they don't know you, it's not about you. Like, it's something they're going through. And I think a lot of times we don't really. When I'm having a bad day or something's affected me in my personal life and I'm short or snappy with someone, they don't know that I have that going on. They just know that I said something that hurt their feelings. And so I think being able to put kindness above everything and say like, hey, I, you know, no, mentally, this is coming from A place this person's hurting. I'm going to respond to them in kindness instead of adding to their hurt by, like, fighting or arguing with them. I've really tried to make that. I think both Tanya and I have both tried to make that a forefront of what our community is and how we treat each other. And when there. There is a lot of. You know, there was a lot of tense moments during the election in politics and people. It gets passionate and heated, and I'm all about having conversations. But when people start attacking each other, it's like, we're not gonna do that. It'll be deleted or you'll be removed. And we keep the community in a place where it's safe and comfortable and a positive place because you can take that elsewhere and do it on your own time. But, yeah, I think that we. I think Tanya and I have both just tried to lead with that mentality and hope that people follow.

Yeah, it's. I was just reading in a leadership book this morning, it was just talking about the difference between, like, an argument and a debate. Like, debates are to come to just an understanding. Like, let me see your side. Let's share each other's sides openly and equally. And a. You know, an argument is when you're not sharing openly and equally. It's. There's no equal in an argument. It's typically just like, I'm not even looking at your stuff. And. And I think that's. It's, like, so important to have, like, these guidelines in life. Right. Like, I was. I was just on a podcast before this, and I'd love to hear just, like, your. Your theory on decision making in your life. Because if you've had success, it means that you understand, like, you probably have some guidelines in your life on how to make decisions either quickly or you kind of. That are in alignment with. With where you want to go. So do you have, like, something that you test different decisions against? Like, do you have something that you're always like, you know, I'm gonna say no to this because it doesn't give me energy or it doesn't align with X, Y and Z, or, like, how do you make quicker decisions in your life?

I honestly, I'm. I really trust my gut. Like, when I have a feeling, like, it is so obvious when it's right and when it's wrong. And I've learned to really listen to that and not question it. Like, when I get the feeling that it's not right, I know to. In the conversation about whatever it is and walk away from it. And when it's right, I know I'm to pursue it. And so I, you know, when it comes to work stuff like with brand deals, if, if someone comes to me and it's a product, let's say they offer me a certain amount of money and it's a good amount of money, but it's not a product I really like or I've never used it or I've heard bad things about it. But in my gut I know that like that money's not going to be worth it if I'm pushing something or selling something I don't believe in or use myself. And I would literally overthink everything about that post to the point where it was not even worth the money at that point. So I learned very quickly in this influencer space, I can't personally, I cannot say yes to something that I don't feel good about that I wouldn't share with my best friend. If I want to tell my best friend about it, then I don't need to tell my followers about it.

Oh my God, it's so true. The amount of time when things are out of alignment that you spend is just like, it's a nightmare. I've definitely even I was just, you made me think about like I've taken ads where I'm like, yeah, I think I like that thing and I tried it and whatever and I'm like, oh my God, like an hour later I'm reading a one minute ad for the 50th time and I'm like, got it, universe. Like it's just not. And that's what happens in life, right? Like we take these jobs and we hang out with these people and we're like, why does this lunch feel like the worst experience of my entire world? Like, this person should pay me for the coaching that I just did for.

The like this is so true. I mean, it is like you, you have to listen to that. And I also think about like if I'm hanging out with someone or I meet someone new and I instantly notice that I'm not encouraged, I'm not motivated by them, I'm not inspired by them. I have a lot of great people in my life to put that time and energy into. So if someone's not bringing that, then, you know, I have to weigh my options and figure out what's worth it and where I put put that energy. Because if I'm putting it into some someone who is just like bringing me down, then I'm wasting it where I could put it into these like fruitful friendships that I have. So I think it's kind of. And that I think has come with age and having those experience that aren't pleasant and having to realize that someone's not good and being able to say, these are my boundaries and I'm only letting this type of person into my life so that we can grow together.

Oh, God, that is so huge. So tell me about like one of the times that you had to kind of cut a friendship out of your life because it was just either draining or, you know, it just. Maybe they had high expectations of you and it wasn't, you know, you're like, this isn't like even the expectation that I have on myself. Or maybe they were really needy.

What.

What was the thing and how did you kind of like come to the conclusion that it had to end?

Um, I, to be honest, I've really only had to do this one time with a friendship. Um, and it came from a place more so of there being insecurities and me really putting effort in to fix it and just kind of realizing that it was a friendship that could be more of an acquaintance relationship. You know, like, I was really trying to fix it. And in my, in my heart I didn't feel like I had done anything wrong to deserve me trying to like fix it. But I wanted to validate her feelings and acknowledge that like I could. I heard what she was saying and I wanted to fix it. And by the end of me trying to fix and it kind of not going anywhere with her acceptance, I kind of thought, why am I like, this is very one sided of this friendship, trying to make this friendship work. And so now we have a relationship where I can reach out and text and say, how are you doing? You know, every few months and it's healthy without me feeling like I'm overcompensating in the relationship or friendship.

I have so been there where I'm like, nothing I'm doing is like really working.

And I'm really exhausted and shocked.

Oh my God.

I'm like, this is not good. Like, it's just not.

No mine.

Like, we can, we don't really talk now for the one that I had that was like that. But it definitely is like peaceful and I've made peace with it and I send her all the energetic love in the world.

I mean, you can do that without having to have a relationship. And that's an important lesson that I've learned, isn't it?

Like one of it is one of the biggest lessons is like letting things end, even if it didn't end the way that you want, without needing to go back and fix them and finding your own peace with it and knowing your contract was just you guys, you completed your contract together. It's time to move forward. It's crazy. That's so hard.

You think about the relationships you have. I have a few people. I've been. I have one friend that I've been friends with since high school and a lot of other friends. They were my. They were my person for the time in my life and I needed them for that.

Yes.

And now we're still friends, but we're not, you know, constantly in each other's life. But it was like, what is that? There's like a quote, like friends are either there for a season or totally.

I don't know, we're just gonna say a season or a reason or whatever. I know the quote too, but I will slaughter it with you.

So a reason, a season, and then.

There'S like a lifetime or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Reason, A season or a lifetime. Guess what? That's what we're going with. That's the quote.

It's Laurie and Beckham.

That's our version of the quote.

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You are you kind of have something that you're thinking about. I'm not sure.

Are you able to share what you're.

Thinking or not yet?

Well, yeah. So I've had a few business ideas of of things that I would be interested in starting of like products that maybe I haven't found the perfect one or I would like to do my own. And it's all very basic. You know, one of them's like loungewear and one of them's like a beauty product. And you know as soon as you think about doing those ideas, you see a bunch of other people coming out with them and you kind of go it's that whole Imposter syndrome. And my. My co host and best friend Tanya always talks about it, and I've always. I listen and I'm like, yeah, I think I've had that. And I'm realizing that even at the intro of this podcast, I was like, I can't believe you chose me. I have this weird complex. Listen, I've got a lot going on. I'm honored that you chose to talk to me. But owning I deserve to be here, in a sense of what I can put out is going to be my own. And I don't need to compare it to what everyone else is doing. And it's hard in a market that's so saturated with, you know, people being able to do it through Instagram or TikTok or however it is and feeling that insecurity creep in of, like, is mine going to be as good? Are people going to like mine? Or is it? Or have they already bought the other ones and they don't.

Girl, I'm a consumer. I will keep buying loungewear every week, if not every other week. So. And that's what you have to remember. Another thing that's freeing me right now, so hopefully this can help you, because I know you're just talking to everybody. Everyone you're talking to me right now is I want you to, like, literally, if you have not done this, this, this was a huge, like, exercise for me that freed me up. I hope it frees you up. Like, go and find out how much money that industry that you want to go in is making and then say to yourself, if I just made 1% of that, how successful would I be? You will shit your pants. Well, hopefully you don't, but you'll have plenty of loungewear to change into if you do. But. But, like, that's what you have to realize, is that even, like, even if it's just this tiny sliver, you will be successful. And I think that sometimes we look at, like, saturated markets and it's kind of, like, everything's kind of saturated. And honestly, even if you created something new, it'd be saturated in six months with how fast things move right now. And it's. It's really about, like, if there's one thing that you feel you could improve with loungewear, which I'm sure you could, there's a lot of things that I would change or improve or do my own way. Like, you're going to find your people, and it's like a constant consumer, right? They're always coming up. We're such consumers, and I Think that's just what we have to remember is look at your own patterns and be like, oh, that's right. Like Beach Riot. Just put out another loungewear that I want, even though it looks exactly like that other one. I'm just going to go get it now. So, yeah, it's going to be great. I think you need to do it. And, you know, the thing is, is that we forget. Like, it might start with loungewear, but it's going to give you the masterclass in products, and then other products are going to open up to you and be like, I can see how I could improve these other things. Or maybe you go, really, like, sorry, I've turned it. I'm talking to myself. Like, literally.

No, this is good. I'm telling you, this is what I need.

To turn this into.

Some coaching for each other to get the free coach.

It's just therapy right now for each other. Literally. You know how, like, I'm sure, you know, on your podcast or when you're talking to friends, you're like, sorry, I just went off there because I'm actually just talking to myself. Like, exactly what I need. Yeah. So that. That's been really huge just for, like, freeing me up because it's so easy. Like, I'm telling you, I don't know how many times you've been up at 2 or 3am right now being like, like, should I do the thing? Or. This is scary. And I'm already in it. So, like, I already have all these women's money that I'm just like, oh, damn. Like, now I, like, have to follow through and make this thing, you know, what it needs to. To be so. But it's. It's that transition period of all of these thoughts. So have you started it yet?

No. I mean, literally, we've started, you know, looking the partner, how to. How to launch it, styling, like, kind of picking out. Kind of picking out ones that I like, but things that make changes about it. So it's literally very much a thought. But I even in the thought process, got that feeling of like, oh, no. Am I just adding into this. This world that's already got so much of this? But, yeah, I think you're right. It's like having. Knowing that no matter even if I came up with something brand new, it would also take off. Yeah. For a lot of other people.

And here's what you have to think of. Even if you. So, even if we took away, like, the insecurity of, like, a saturated market. Let me flip it for you. Because this is literally what I'm doing right now. Like, okay, so let's say you create something that's totally a white space and it's new and it's so just like fresh and nobody else is doing it. Well, now you don't know if it's going to work because why isn't it out there yet? Like, holy shit. Like, you know what I mean? That's a scary thing too. So I actually look at. In a saturated market, it is proof that your customer is there. So it's truly so powerful because a rising tide raises all ships. And you have to remember that in a market as well. And that's been really powerful too. So I say loungewear it up because I want to buy it. It's going to be great. I'm going to share it with everyone.

I'm going to love it.

It's going to be so cute. That's what I'm sure of.

I love that no one said. Every time I've mentioned that it's so competitive. No one's giving me that perspective. So thank you. Totally. Just whoop.

Well, good. Because I'm. It's the only thing I'm clinging onto right now in a market that's like exploding and like, you know, I'm just like, okay, I'll just take 1% of that. That's really great.

Be with 1%.

Yeah. Just 1%. Literally, you'd be. You'd still be like, you'd be doing just fine. Yeah. So I want to know who. Who does Becca need to become in order to be the future you? The one who has the successful line, the one who can hold all of, you know, maybe the self doubt. The one who, like, what are you going to do to support yourself around becoming that version of you in order to carry all the things you're about to carry?

It's so interesting. We just had a guest on the podcast and he was like, he's a real estate guy that's on Million dollar Listing New York. But we didn't talk so much about that. We talked about future planning and so setting goals. And I've never. I think I have some. I don't think I know I have some commitment issues. So, like, the idea of thinking like 5 to 10 years ahead freaks me out because I'm like, well, I can't commit. I cannot commit to an idea that far ahead. I can barely commit to next week. Right. And he made the comment of something that he did was he spent 10 to 20 minutes every single day where he just Sat and thought about his future and what he was like, you can do it for in the next few months, you can do it for 10 years out, you can do it in any time span. But think about your future. You're manifesting it right after you think about it, write down the ideas that you thought about, the thoughts that you want to put into action. And I thought that was so interesting because I forget about how powerful it is to just put those thoughts down or put them out there, thank them. And I think a lot of mine is kind of getting past people's opinions of me and their criticism of me, and knowing that no matter the more successful you get, the more critics you're gonna have. And I think being able to realize that I live in a world where you can't please everyone and kind of getting past that personal part, that holds me back from a lot of stuff. I think keeping people around me that are encouraging, who are knowledgeable, who are willing to help and reach out to people that they know. I think just surrounding yourself with a good community is way more important than anyone talks about, because that's your support system. I'm currently in the process of buying a home, and it's. I think once I get that done, I'll have this, like, layer of stress that's just sitting on me right now.

You will.

And it's weird because you and I talked before the show, but it's. So I go in this, like, triangle of thoughts where I go, I'm so stressed out. I'm putting an offer on this house. What if they don't accept it? And then I go into, if they don't accept it, then it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't. It's not your house. And then I go, I'm so grateful that I'm financially in a place that I'm able to buy a home in la. That's what ends up happening. And then I go back to, I'm so stressed, it's just like, triangle thoughts. So that's like, a big accomplishment for me right now to be in that process and also learning about where to put my money and where to use my money. And I've always thought saving money was the way, but I'm learning from people that use your money to make money. And it's just like, I'm just kind of in that process of learning a lot about things that I've always been scared to ask questions about because I wasn't in a. I didn't learn about it. And so I'VE always felt intimidated to ask because I didn't want to seem dumb. And now in this home buying process, I'm like, I don't care if I sound dumb. Make it simple so I can understand, because this is a big deal and I need to know what. What I'm doing. So I think being able to ask questions. But, yeah, I just. I also want to feel. I always say to. I have a younger sister who lives with me. And I always say, like, I'm so grateful for my life and I'm so happy, but I was just as happy when I was working for a chiropractor and living paycheck to paycheck. And I think that happiness and joy comes from people in your life, and I think it comes from relationships and kind of where your head's at and not so much the success or money that we put so much energy into. It's great. It makes life fun and easy when you have a lot of money or success, but it's not what brings ultimate joy.

Amen. I literally like you guys. I'm so. Like, what you said about asking questions, that is so crazy, freeing and powerful. I think it's one of the biggest life lessons you could ever leave with somebody is the power of asking questions and being okay if you look stupid or. I did that for so long, too. I have a really good friend who does a podcast. His name is Rob Murgatroyd. And he just, like, has given gifted me the biggest gift of my life. And he says, you know, him and his wife started playing this game. It's called stupid idea time. And I also turned it into stupid question time. So, you know, I didn't know anything about, like, investing in investors, and now I'm totally in this world, and it's like, I had to literally be okay with being on the phone and being like, I don't know what you're talking about. Stupid question time. Nothing is off the table. And they're like, no, no. So it just gives me the freedom, you know, and, like, stupid idea time. What would it look like if this loungewear was like this? Why is no one doing this? Like, so freeing. So I'm so glad you said questions is, like, one of the biggest things ever in life that you can possibly do. Okay, what is a question that you wish more people asked you?

Oh, my God, that's hard.

This is a hard question. Everybody waits a minute, like, what's your next question?

I know.

Tell me after that.

I mean, I'm pretty simple, you know, I like talking About. I like talking about confidence and I was single for a long time and I was very happy single. And so I've never been able to understand the, the loneliness, I guess, attached to being single or like the what's. I don't know what, the insecurity about being single because to me it's so. I mean, I'm in a relationship right now and it's great and there's a.

Lot of like, I miss being single. I'm just kidding.

I loved being single. Like, I, like when I got into a relationship, I was not even. I was not looking at all for a relationship. So I, I just, I like when people ask about like confidence and being confident being single because I think it's such a beautiful time of getting to work on these things that we're talking about, like work on yourself and grow a business and start something on your own and travel and like, obviously not right now, don't travel everywhere. But you know, I think it's just such a beautiful time that people, that people wish away and I don't want to take away the beauty of being in a relationship, in love. But I'm just saying I think a lot of people feel society pressures of like, you have to get married by this time, you need to have kids by this time. And it's, that's all it is. It's just, it's a made up society pressures. It has nothing to do with you. So I like when people ask me stuff, most, most of the time they just want to know about like my relationship, which I don't talk about.

Yeah, I can honestly say I'm not sure I would talk about my relationship just if it was so in the, in the forefront. Just while it was in, in those phases. I didn't go through that because we, you know, we. My husband and I got together, like, God, we, we had T9 predictive text. There was no MySpace. Like, I was just learning how to text. I was like, what did I just send you? I have no idea. It's like that long ago. But that would be something that I'm like, no, it's like a nurture period. I'm not gonna like put this out there. I definitely feel like I'd probably be that way. But yeah, talking about being, you know, single, what would you say to the woman right now who's kind of just like really yearning to be with someone, but has this time, like this sacred kind of time of being single where you may never be that ever again after this, you know?

Yeah, I mean that's the goal. Right?

Right.

When you end up getting into a serious relationship and you get married, I don't think anyone's goal is for it to end. So the. Once you find that person is to not be single again. I would just say, and I guess we're all different and people's feelings are totally valid in that loneliness or that insecurity. You're not alone in that. But I think I would just say use this time to manifest what you want, figure out what you're looking for. You can date, you can easily date and very quickly figure out what you like and what you don't like in someone and get like have investments, get your life together. Like try and like save up, buy a home, start a business, find your passions. Like, like indulge in your friendships. Put all that energy that you had put into relationship into the friendships that you care about that those are the ones who are going to be there if that relationship that you get into doesn't work out. Those are the, that's what you want to put, that's what you want to build. So yeah, I would just say feel the feeling. Like don't just push it to the side, acknowledge it. But also know that there's so much outside of being in a, in a really a romantic relationship.

Is that, isn't that funny? It's when you're not focusing on it. That's when it comes to. Because you're just like so busy learning to be the best version of you that you become like a frickin magnet. And then you're like, okay, what is happening right now?

I was gonna say what's more, what's more attractive than someone who's not searching for something? You know, someone who's just almost like unaware of. When you're just confident in doing what you're doing and you're independent enough to be that way. People are attracted to that. I think that's what happens.

Amen. That is so true. Describe yourself in three words if you can.

I would say I'm loyal, compassionate and generous.

So awesome. What is missing for you right now? Like anything. You know what, let me ask a different question because I want to know this. What do you feel like is missing a missing piece in your mindset in order to do that big thing that you want to do? Like what do you need to work on right now?

Letting go of other people's expectations.

Is it certain people's or everyone's or.

Just kind of everyone? But I don't even, I think a lot of it is, like, made up in my head of what people think, you know, like what I think people expect of me might not even be. Like, maybe I. I'm putting it on them and they have no idea they've done it. But, yeah, I think it's like society pressure. You feel like you're supposed to be doing something. And I read somewhere that other people's expectations are not your responsibility. And I was like, so good. Oh, they're not. I mean, I'm not supposed to fulfill everyone's wishes and needs for me, but.

That would be so freeing.

Yeah.

What would happen if. What happens if you do this thing and it totally fails? What's. What's after that? How do you. What do you say to yourself? So let's say you do the thing, you do the loungewear. It totally sucks. It fails, like, 10 people like it. You have 10 sales, and they're all from your friends. Nobody really knows because nobody knows the back end. You know what I mean? Like, what happens after that?

What do you do?

What do you tell yourself? What's next?

I would say I tried something I really wanted to do, and I move on. I will say once I have tried something and it either didn't fulfill me passionately or it didn't succeed in the way of making money and being profitable, I'm able to say I tried it. It was something I've been wanting to do. I did it, and it didn't work out how I anticipated. But now I can move on from now on to the next thing and learn from. Because there's probably a reason why I didn't do well. Right. There's probably something I can track and say I didn't handle this the right way. Or maybe if I did this again, I would do it this way. And moving forward, I know from that experience what to fix. And it'll probably happen multiple times where there's things I need to fix. But I always felt like doing something and failing was the worst thing that could happen. But I think not doing something because you're scared of it, failing is way worse because it lingers with me. I don't know if other people do that, but I'd rather sleep at night knowing I tried, then not sleep at night knowing I didn't try.

Oh, girl, it's going to be so successful. Whether it's this or this is like the breadcrumb to the next thing. I'm, like, so excited for you. What do you want to speak into life right now? Like, what do you want to See happen in your life, what thing do you want to come true?

I want to find my dream home. And the thing with the dream home is that I have had these thoughts of, like, am I supposed to be in la? So there's this whole thing of, you know, considering where am I supposed to be? So clarity on that. Even though I do feel like I'm supposed to be in LA right now, there's this. And maybe it's because I look at real estate in other cities and I'm like, am I supposed to be here?

That's what we did. I was like, questionable.

Yeah. I would like to launch a successful business and I would like to, you know, have expand the community that I have on social media, whether it's expanding into other platforms or growing my following on Instagram or, you know, where I'm active. And yeah, those are the things that I really am putting my, you know, my 10 minute or 10 to 15 minute future planning that I'm going to start doing. Those are the things.

Mm, that's so awesome. That's gonna happen so much faster than you think. I can literally, like, just feel it. It's all gonna be amazing. And you have the mindset you got, you guys, that's the mindset that I just want you to pick up from her. Like, it's the thing that you are being called to do is there? Because it's either gonna be the thing that you learn from or it's gonna be the carrot to the next thing. Right? It's like a stepping stone. So, so grateful to talk to you today. I love, love, love how your brain works. And I just like, I know that all of those things are going to be amazing for you. So where can we, like, find you, follow you? What are all the things if we want to follow along and buy your loungewear?

Well, my Instagram is Becca Tilly. Our podcast is scrubbing in with Becca Tilly and Tonya. Rad. You can listen wherever you can listen to podcasts. My loungewear doesn't have an Instagram yet, but it's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. And that's really, if you want to be a part of our Facebook group, which is awesome. It's scrubby and effect. It's millions on your ads.

Very cool. Okay, you guys, one of the biggest things that we can do for our guests is to tag them on Instagram and let her know what your biggest takeaway was from this podcast. So I always think it's like one of the coolest things for people to be able to actually see what value that Becca has added to your life. So make sure you tag her. Tag myself. And let her know what you your biggest takeaway was. Or just maybe a moment that you just totally resonated with her. You guys, I'm so grateful for you. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.