703. We All Need Adventure in Our Lives with Shelby Stanger

You know, we're in kind of trying times. Even if you got out of bed and you watch Netflix all day, like, you have to love yourself no matter what.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The Conversations podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools.

To help you face your fears, take.

Action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. Welcome back to the show.

I'm so excited to have sat down with Shelby Stanger. She's just one of those girls who is so cool that you can't wait.

To hear about all of these things.

That she's done, these crazy adventures and just why and what made her want.

To do these incredible things.

As a seasoned journalist and top ranked podcaster, her work and podcasts have been featured everywhere from the New York Times, in the San Diego Union Tribune to Outside Magazine and espn. She's so curious about her subjects and willing to go to great lengths in.

Her research that she has surfed everywhere.

From Fiji to Tofino, Canada, studied with a breath guru, Fasted for six days only on water, paddled down a portion of the Amazon river, and interviewed countless CEOs, athletes and wellness experts on assignment for major publications. Her curiosity and playful demeanor doubles as a secret interview weapon, loosening up guests.

On the most serious of topics.

With a knack for audio stories, Shelby created and sold her first podcast about adventure called Wild Ideas worth living to REI in 2020. She remains the host right now and recently hosted an award winning travel show called Life Changing Places. Her latest project, Vitamin Joy, has a standout crew of guests offering prescriptions for having more health, humor, and fun in her everyday life.

So, you guys, let's get started. Shelby, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on.

I'm excited to be here. Laura, you are a breath of fresh air. I love your show.

Well, I loved being on your show. We just got to talk. What was that? It feels like it was just a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not.

A couple weeks ago for Vitamin Joy. And you were awesome. You crushed it. I told everybody. I was like, everybody, there's this amazing. She's watching drink this light pink beverage. It's gonna be so good. Go out and get it.

She thought I was drinking it today. I have like a can of coffee. And she was like, are you drinking right now? I'm like, no, but maybe I should. I mean, it's noon, right?

Yeah, it's noon where you are.

We're totally fine. Why not? Shelby, I had so much fun talking to you just because, number one, I love your outlook and you're also a podcast host. You have Vitamin Joy. You've also done Wild Ideas Worth Living presented by rei. And I just feel like when I meet other podcasters who love telling stories and love adventure, like, I just loved being able to chat with you because you are so. You're so open minded and you love learning and you love having these conversations just about things that can make you better, right? And can bring more fulfillment to your life. And so many talk. I. We were just talking before this, you guys, and there are so many topics that we could talk on. Like, I'm obsessed with the topic of fear. I'm obsessed with adventure. I'm obsessed with nature. And you've done so many awesome things right down to. We kind of share a past of just like, kind of the. Like the. The band's Warp Tour. Life and the Warp Tour.

I love that you mentioned that because Johnny always makes fun of me when I bring up the Warp Tour.

I Was like, I used to think it was the coolest thing ever. I was just like, oh, my God, we have. We have to go. We can't miss it this summer.

So it was really cool.

It was like when like skating was getting kind of like it was bigger and getting on TV and, you know, there were like a lot of females who were kind of entering the space of like surfing and snowboarding and there wasn't too many skating though, from what I remember.

There was this really cool punk band when I was there, I remember, called the Eyeliners. It was like a chick punk band.

I didn't see that, but I'm gonna look it up now.

I don't know. And there's this new movie on Netflix called Moxie Girl, and it's the little punk rock. And it just sort of reminds me of Warped Tour days. So I was the journalist for the warped tour in 2002. I was 22 years old. And they sent me on the tour bus 60 days and they said, okay, write one story about what happens and one story about profiling, something about the tour, A musician, a roadie, whatever. But this was a blog before it was called blogging. And there was no wi fi, so I had to find a dial up phone to send my stories. And it often meant hitchhiking with the most non axe murderer looking teenager who would take me to their mom's house or to a Kinko's to send it. And then I gave them van's shoes because I was on the van's bus and they were awesome. They had lots of shoes there.

Oh my God. You kind of lived my dream job for a while then. So I want to know, what was the one takeaway that you took from quote unquote, blogging A concert series. You guys, it was totally like a punk concert series. What was something that you took away from that that you still use and have applied to your life now?

Well, one thing, the first thing I learned, I was really young, 22, a little sheltered. I learned that the most, some of the scariest looking guys with the scariest mohawks were the nicest. So don't judge a book by its cover. A lot of them have kind of been through their own personal hell. They had like some crazy tattoos and they were just so nice. There wasn't a lot of girls on tour in 2002, and they took a lot of care of. They really looked out for me. The other thing is like the power of a sticker or a free pair of shoes can go a long way like, if you need help and you can give someone like a van sticker or a pair of shoes, you're golden. But like, if you can just give someone something or even a mention in your blog, like, they'll go out of their way to help you and drive you to their parents house or Kinko's. Yeah, I learned that.

That is so true to this day, though. Like, the power of just like adding value to someone's life.

Exactly. That's whatever it can be. Like back then I had stickers. Like, I didn't have much. I didn't have money, you know, and every now and then I got a free Vans T shirt to give someone. But like, stickers. Stickers go a long way. People are stoked.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, I should have showed you my car like when I was 16. It was just like, I just needed you to know what I was into. Okay, so stickers did go a really long way.

I bet you were pretty cool.

Well, I thought so. I can't say that other people thought that, but, you know, as long as I thought so, that's great.

So another thing I learned is, like, everyone has a story to tell. And so I had this mentor who is a writer for Esquire, and he's like, hey, start with the roadies and behind the scenes before you go to like, the lead singers of the biggest bands there. And I did. And like, the roadies had the most incredible stories. Like, the people behind the scenes were often as interesting as a lead singer.

Okay, that's interesting too, because right now that could totally apply. I noticed that even in life, when I've been trying to connect, you know, maybe with an author or with a speaker or with somebody who's out in the world doing big things and like, the more kind that you are to the assistants or the people who are around them and like, take an actual interest in them because they're. They're probably pretty epic people. And they norm they normally are. To have that job and to work with those people, it's just been a brilliant way to, number one, get to know awesome people. But number two, also, they're. They're way more willing. You guys, life is like all just networking.

They.

If they like you, they're way more willing to, like, say this person's really cool and connect you to whomever you're looking for. So there you go.

That's awesome. Now I would say the last thing is, like, don't be afraid to get in the middle of a mosh pit every now and Then, like, be careful because there are certain mosh pits that are a little dangerous, but, like, you know, if it looks pretty innocent for a little while, you can get in there.

Get in and get out and get out.

Yeah. Get the heck out of there and go to bed early. Yeah. Don't make out with any of the boys on the tour in bands. That was good advice someone gave me, and I'm happy I took it.

That is really good. I can definitely see that that would have kept you out of trouble.

Kept me out of trouble.

Okay, so you mentioned something earlier, because we were talking about all the things that we could chat about, and you love adventure. You feel like it's like a life antidote to so many things. Tell me about where that came from, how you discovered that.

I don't know where I discovered that. I've just always loved adventure. And I feel like there's been a lot of times in my life where I've felt stuck. And doing something outside in nature that was a little scary always gave me the confidence to do something scary that I was scared to do on land. Like, it allowed me to do those things. So, for example, in 2009, I. I ended up working at Vans full time in marketing. And I wanted to quit to be a journalist. It made no sense on paper. I wrote a million pro con lists. They didn't add up. It wasn't fiscally responsible. It wasn't logistically really responsible. Magazines were shutting down, newspapers were folding, and I wanted to be a writer at the height of the recession when I had this dream job running international sales and marketing at Vans. Wow. And I got really depressed because I felt a little bit like a spoiled millennial, even though I'm generous ration X. And I felt like I was being ungrateful. And I had this privileged job, but really I was depressed and I just wanted to be a writer. So I had to learn to listen to that. But I went surfing, and there was a wave that really scared me outside my house. It was called Rock Pile. I lived in Laguna beach, and to surf this wave, you had to take off at a rock and go in between two rocks. And if you messed up, you'd end up on what's called the cheese grater, which was like these sharp rocks that would cut you up. And anyways, one day I'd been so upset about the job, the next morning I woke up and I surfed Rock Pile. And I finally caught a wave. After I caught that wave, I was like, all right, I'm going to catch One more paddled ashore and I was like, I've got this. And I decided that, I mean, there was a lot that went into it besides that. But I think when you do something outside in nature and you gain confidence, you'll get confidence to do things on land. And you hear about all these people who, you know, people go on vacation, they go on this epic hike, even great ideas come in the shower sometimes. So I think the lesson I learned is that some of the best decisions can't be made on a pro con list, but rather going outside in nature. And they prove that going on a walk 20 minutes outside in the forest or somewhere in nature, even just listening to bird songs, Science has proved that 20 minute walk in nature can be as effective as most of the SSRIs on the market. I'm not saying if you need medication, take medication. We're not going to go there. I really have strong feelings about mental health. And hey, if you need help, you should get it. Therapy is important, all of it's important. But nature is so powerful. And I got into as a little kid, I was always adventurous. I played soccer. But When I was 11, my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. And it's really hard and I really wanted to surf. And he was a dentist from New York, came to San Diego from the Navy. The Navy took him to San Diego. And he was like girls, he didn't really understand the girl surfing thing. Long story short, he agreed to take me boogie boarding every Sunday before he passed away. And I was really excited. But then when he died, my sister Felicia, who's been on your podcast, Felicia Alexander, she bought me a surfboard. And I think out in nature in the water with dolphins and waves, that kind of worked you and humbled you. I gained a lot of answers that I couldn't get on land. And I think nature just teaches you patience. There's so much that you just learn by being outside in nature. And I just believe that nature has a lot of the answers, or maybe all of them.

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I'm smiling from Ear to ear. Because I have found myself out in nature in those same things. And I know you're going to totally. What I'm about to talk about is exactly what you're talking about, because I have definitely surfed. I'm not good, but I've surfed a lot. And it is. So there's parallels, right? The way that you respond in nature. You can start. You start to understand kind of, like, different things about you and I. The first few times I went surfing, one of them was in, like, LA at a horrible. It was in Santa Monica, and it was just like, really bad waves. And I was just, you know, like, so exhausted. And I like to consider myself an athlete, so I just went extra hard, right? It was just like, I'm gonna catch this next wave. And I didn't catch it. And then I'm like, I'm gonna catch the next wave. And I wasn't giving myself any breaks in between. It was like I had this moment of like, oh, my God, this is how I'm responding to life. Like, I'm just, like, trying to do everything and catch everything, and I'm exhausted, and I'm not, like, waiting for the one that's right for me. Like, I'm not giving myself any time and waiting for, like, what feels good to me. And I just had, like, this freaking epiphany out on my surfboard, and I literally was like, oh, my God. Like, saying, oh, my God out there, because it might sound insignificant to people listening, but it's crazy. Nature literally does that. You just have these crazy breakthroughs. And I do believe things just run so parallel in life that you can draw these parallels out in nature, and you can draw how you're responding and coping with hard things, whether it's a hike or whether it's surfing. And I just think it's crazy, even with surfing. So I want to ask you about your response when you're out in the water. I just see sometimes that tidal wave is coming towards you and you have to dive underneath the wave. You actually have to go head first into it to even get through it. And I think about that all the time in life. I'm like, okay, Lori, there's a tidal wave in front of you with this new company, and the only way through is head first or this sucker's gonna take you down. And I'm just like, do it. So, yeah. What are some things for you, like, with surfing or out in nature that have you had those moments that you just pull from that you remember like a Part of you has, like, shown up or, you know, you've drawn a parallel.

Well, first off, like, I'm not a great surfer. I always say, like, I have terrible style, but I have an epic smile. And that's, that's, that's the biggest part. The best surfer in the water is the one who has most fun. And I'm killing it out there. And with surfing, you know, I always, I always. I love that you use this wave analogy, because I always use this analogy, like, you could either sit on the beach and get sunburned where it's totally safe, but you're going to probably get sunburned and sandy, Sandy. And sand's going to end up like, in your hoohoo and all these places, or you can paddle out. Now, if you paddle out in the waves, you may get absolutely worked. You may take a wave that's terrifying and you may fall, but you also might catch the ride of your wave of your life. So sorry, I'm butchering this. I'll do this again. So if you go surfing and you paddle out, you can either catch the wave of your life or you might fall and get absolutely worked. But if you don't go at all, you're going to for sure stay on the beach or on a boat where you're going to either get nauseous and seasick, barely end up sunburned, and probably end up with sand in orifices that you didn't need to. Now, you could end up with sand in your orifices out in the ocean too. But I would much rather go and possibly catch the ride of my life or feel the thrill of getting tossed around than sit on the beach. So I had this moment right after I quit that job. I got invited. So it's way people say, like, oh, the universe will conspire to help you out when you make the decision. And I was like, that is such hippie mumbo jumbo. But it worked. When I quit my job job at Vans, I got invited. I put some feelers out there. I told a bunch of press officers, like, hey, I'm gonna possibly quit my job if you think of me if you have any stories. And this woman invited me to cover a group of guys stand up paddling a remote archipelago of waves in Indonesia. And I played the journalist card the first couple of days on the trip because the waves were terrifying. I'd never surfed in waves in Indonesia. They looked like that. They were terrifying, hollow and scary. And I was a death jockey for the last five years. But by day four, I had no choice but to paddle out. And there was this one wave. It was called Mutts, which is, like, kind of a terrible name. It basically means female vagina. The guys who created it were pussy. It was, like, the most crude, terrible name for a wave ever. I was sitting at Mutts, and the guys were like. All of a sudden, a wave was coming toward me. And this one guy, his name is Brian Keolana. He's, like, linked to Hawaiian, literally, Hawaiian royalty. He's the lead stuntman in Hawaii. He does all of the stunt coordination for everything filmed in Hawaii from Lost to Blue Crush. He coached Kate Bosworth and the movie Blue Crush into these huge waves. Yes. Right. Like, well, you kind of look like Kate Bosworth. So sitting in the ocean and a wave comes in, he's like, are you gonna go? And he asked in a way that, like, means, like, you better go. I'm terrified. I do not want to paddle for this wave because it looks terrifying. Like, I'm in a. First of all, I'm on a borrowed surfboard. If I wreck the surfboard, there's no surf shop. We're in the middle of the ocean. If I get hurt, there's no doctors. I don't want to go. But he asked in a way that said, like, dude, you better go, or you're going to be sorry in his little Hawaiian accent. So I just started paddling, and he told me a couple things, so I kept falling and getting worked and being held underwater is scary. And he said something really profound. He's like, shelby, when you're held underwater, sing a song. Somehow I picked, like, that'll Be the Day when I Die, which is, like, a terrible song to sing underwater. I told him, and he's like, no, no, no. Pick a happier song. But then I picked, like, you're my Sunshine. So I started singing underwater a happy song. So this is a really good advice. When you're scared, sing a happy song or have faith. Like, faith is really important when you're scared. For me, that was singing. And then the second thing he said is, when you're on the wave, stop falling. Just start saying, make it, make it, make it. And I think that's another metaphor for life. Like, we kind of have to fake it until we make it or just make it until we make it. So this wave is coming. I'm looking down. I'm terrified. He's, you're gonna go last time. And I have no choice but to turn my board around. I paddle for the wave. I pop to my feet, I'm like, you are my sunshine. Make it, make it, make it, make it. And the wave literally goes over my head for like a nanosecond. I can't claim I got barreled, but I got like a little shower of water over my head this crystal clear. I'm like coming out of the wave smiling ear to ear. And I was like, damn, I wish someone saw it. All of a sudden, this guy holds up his camera. The one photographer on the trip was sitting in the channel, took the photo, had it on film, Shows me it looks like I'm getting shacked out of my mind. My butt is sticking in the air. I have the worst style ever, but the hugest. And then I sent it via the boat satellite phone to all my friends. And all of a sudden the captain was like, who used the boat email? This was like $1,000 worth of email that you just used. Anyways, so moral of the story is like, you gotta go say, make it, make it, make it sing a song. Waves will humble you. The ocean will humble you. Nature will humble you. But I tell everybody, go outside in nature and learn to surf. I taught a lot of women to surf over the years. I taught at Surf Diva, which is an all woman surf school. And after I quit my job, my friend who owns a surf school was like, why don't you come teach for me in Costa Rica? And I was like, that is so irresponsible. Like, I went to Emory, I'm a journalist, I work cnn. I need to be like, type A and keep going. And she's like, shelby, you're so annoying. Like, the reason you quit your job was so you could go surf. Like, go surf. You could still work from Costa Rica. And I taught these women to surf. And all the women were there because not all of them, a lot of them had just quit their job, gotten divorced, whatever. They were sort of working out their own stuff. Right. Part of your job as surf instructor in all girls surf school is to be a little bit of a psychologist. I heard there was this one woman, she was like a drug cop. She was so gnarly. She was such a badass. And she was sucking like she could not stand up for the life of her. It wasn't like she was a bad athlete. She was just in her head. And one day I looked at her and I was like, she was getting so upset. All the other girls who were not as athletic as her were standing up. And I don't remember her name. Let's just call her Charlene. And I was like, charlene, are you okay? And she starts teary eyed. And I just looked at her and I said, what makes you laugh? Like, think of something that makes you laugh. And she couldn't. And all of a sudden I saw this guy running on the beach who was really cute. And I was like, I want you to think of a big fat wiener. I think I used another word. I think I said penis. And she starts cracking up. A wave comes, I push her. And all of a sudden I see her stand up and she's yelling something. I'm like, what is she yelling? And I hear this enos, Enos. And she's yelling penis all the way to the beach. And I was like, there you go. Nothing a good penis can't cure. Joke said that wrong. Nothing a good penis joke can't cure. And I think the moral of that story is sometimes we get in our own heads. And so the other lesson is, like, we gotta use laughter. Like, laughter will get us out of our head, out of our anxious mind. It's not like the girl. The girl is an incredible athlete. She was just in her head. So with surfing, you have to let go and be in flow. And one way to get into flow is humor. I just went all over the place. Sorry.

I can literally listen to you all day about that. I don't know why. I just love, like, nature and surf analogies. Like, literally obsessed. And first of all, holy crap, about your wave. The first story. That is amazing. And how you got it on camera, that is like, so lucky.

It's crazy.

So lucky.

That is so awesome.

So lucky. Like that photographer. I owe her life. Oh, my God.

Like, that must be. I literally need you to send me that picture so I can see it.

I will.

So I also, like, I was thinking while you were saying that, like, the power of having somebody else there on your journey. For him to have said to you, like, you're doing like someone. He held you accountable, or you would have never caught that wave that day. I'm sure you would have been like, oh, hell no. Like, number one, I'm not doing this. No one's here to witness it. And, you know, I think it's being witnessed by people is so important on our journey and having them there to just be like, you need to do this or you're gonna die. Meaning just like in life, like, you need to do this or your soul's gonna die. Like, you need those friends who are gonna hold you to the fire. Like, do you have people like that in Your life right now and what is something that you are like, wanting to do? Or do you feel pretty fearless, like, at this point in your life, or is there stuff that you still wanna do?

I'm like scared every day. Like, that is why I do things, because I'm. I'm a total scaredy cat. First off, I forgot to tell you. So, like, the guy, while he's saying, are you gonna go? I'm imagining he told me right before that he'd coached Kate Bosworth and took her out into big waves in Waimea Bay her first day on set. And I'm just imagining her careening down a 50 foot face. Now, what he didn't tell me is that they were on a jet Ski in the channel, not surfing. So, like, I assumed Kate Bosworth caught a 50 foot wave the first day. So that's why I went. I was just a little bit of like, my head went to another place. But you asked me what scares me. I mean, everything scares me. Like, I'm always scared. I wish I had like this awesome therapist that I could just call. Who knew? I don't have that right now. I have a lot of friends I go to for different things. I have an amazing partner in crime, Johnny. He's like, you know, we're engaged forever, I guess he's like my husband, but we haven't technically actually gotten married yet. And he's great. And I have a mom and sisters who are really resilient and amazing. So I do go to a lot of people. I don't have, like one person I go to for everything. I have a lot of different people and that's been awesome. But I have an unusual career path. So there's not somebody who just like, you, like, oh, that person did exactly what I did. So I'm gonna follow them. But I get afraid about a lot of things. Like, I'm trying to do a writing project right now. We'll just call it a writing project. And it's scary putting yourself out there and showing and writing every day. I have this new podcast, Vitamin Joy, and it's kind of just me, my REI podcast. I have this huge team and it's awesome and it's so much easier and more fun. Vitamin Joy is a little scary because starting a podcast in 2020 is different than 2016. It's a little harder now. So to answer your question, I don't have a lot of those answers, except for if I don't do the thing that scares me, I tend to like exactly what you said. Lose a part of my soul and that is worse for me. You know, I think I told you before this episode, I'm struggling with this like skin condition. I have an autoimmune thing called Vitiligo and I'm like the healthiest person. I can run pretty fast like I ran in college. I can keep six 30 minute mile pace. Oh my God, 5K. I know, right? I'm lucky. It's not like I. I'm lucky, but there's other things I struggle with. So patches of my face are turning white and it's hard. I'm a woman and it's my face. So I've had to get really real about beauty and loving myself no matter what. And I think that's why I really like your show so much because you're all about self love and you have to love yourself and be kind to yourself no matter what. And I think that's probably the biggest like most fearless thing you can do is love yourself no matter what. Like even if you didn't achieve something great today, even if, you know we're in kind of trying times, even if you got out of bed and you watch Netflix all day, like you have to love yourself no matter what.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you.

And when you want more.

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So do you think with that though, like, like I know for me I'm seeing like so many things that are in you that you're sharing that I just resonate with. I feel like I actually have to do scary things all the time because I think that there's a side of me that could like. I can see a side of me that could become a bit of like a anxious hermit who could like really get scared and like clam up and not do things if I don't keep doing them. You know? Like, it's easy for me to become afraid of things if I don't keep facing things. So I do it as a habit to like stay in the groove of living because I also know that I get really miserable if I don't do things like very miserable. So also, as far as like loving yourself, for me it's been such a freaking journey because there was a long time where I didn't like do things to make myself proud, you know. So I didn't feel like there was anything about me to love. So it's kind of like that journey of. I think this is where it gets blurred with people. I think it's like sometimes people are like, well, do I just wake up and start loving myself after years of not loving myself? And I had to learn that I had to do things to make myself proud in order to be like, wow, I'm so proud of you. I love that about you, that you keep trying even though you're scared or even though you failed, you tried. And that's really awesome. I love that about you. This is me talking to myself and me talking to you now. But what are some things that you have done on those days to go on that journey of loving yourself? Was it just like, I'm gonna decide to love myself and what does that look like? Or how did you start to develop that?

I don't know. That's a good question. I think one thing I'm trying to do now is a little bit different. I'm trying not to do so many scary things. I used to. There was just. I went on 10 year binge of like, trying to hang as an adventure sports journalist and keep up with the guys. I paddled down a remote portion of the Amazon river, like, cut my face open with surfboards. I'd never been to the hospital, and I'd gone for stitches like five times in the last 10 years. And so for me, part of loving myself is trying not to have to prove myself. And that's something I'm learning now. It's also getting over perfectionism and like feeling like I have to do something or have to achieve something. Like, I come from such a achievement oriented family, which is awesome. All my sisters do rad things and my mom is like the top interventionist in the country. And we love each other and we push each other. But for me, I'm learning this year that self love is also not comparing myself to anybody because comparison is, let's be honest, it's the biggest thief of joy. Oh, yeah. So I've always had a really strong sense of. Of self and a lot of confidence. But the loving part, I think kind of embracing more of my feminine self has happened really recently. And I'm still on that journey. I still find myself being like, I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna grind and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. And yeah, I think one of the things someone told me this year is like, you're remembered most not by what you do, but how you make other people feel. So I'm not saying I figured it out, but I think it's a question I've just begun asking myself. How will this help other people feel? Help them feel good? And if the answer is I'm just doing this for my own ego, I have to check myself and then also for self love. That ego thing is hard because if you're a high achiever, your ego can creep in in different ways. Like, I'm not one of those girls who pays too much attention to what I wear and my hair, unfortunately, I just have never really had a gift for fashion and style. I have a sister who, like, is friends with Anna Wintour and, like, does, and I just didn't get that gene. But you know, with beauty and stuff, like, you just have to love yourself no matter what. And I'd say one of the biggest tips is like, like being kind. Like, can I give myself love and approval for no reason at all? And that's a question I ask myself a lot. And if I can't figure out the answer to something I am really working on, not like going into the empty filing cabinet, continuing to look for it, I just decide, like, can I give myself love? Even though I don't have the answer, I have this. Like I said, this skin condition has no answer. It's autoimmune. Nobody knows what causes it. No one really knows why people. There's all sorts of theories. And I've tried every diet under the sun, fasted for six days on only water, paleo, vegan, raw, whatever. And really, just anxiety tends to exacerbate it. And so, yeah, just love yourself, like, no matter what, and then send love to other people.

Yeah, that one really hit with me. The loving other people. And being kind to other people is always a way to get out of my head and a way to stop the cycle of whatever is happening up there of like, I need to do this or I need to do that. It's funny, I came from a family who did not do anything. So no achievements, very little. So I had to first learn how to do that. And then now that you get addicted to it, Cause you're like, wait, this brings attention and what feels like love? And then it is the backing off of, yeah, just like, how do you love yourself even when you're not doing those things? And truly like, wow, making other people feel good. And you're freaking amazing at that, by the way. Like, I got off of your podcast last time and I was like, wow, I feel so good about myself today.

You're killing it. Like, your story is amazing and I'm so glad you tell it and share it. And I listened to your podcast this morning and, like, you're so vulnerable and raw. It's cool. There's a lot of, like, like, not vulnerable, raw people right now. And I think that's. First of all, I'm a shitty liar, so, like, that's the only way I can do.

That's a good thing, by the way.

Yeah. But I think most people have, like, a really high bullshit detector, and we just need authenticity and realness right now. We're all struggling with something, everyone.

Isn't that, like, the gift of podcasting is like, these epic conversations with people to know. Like, I'm telling you, I don't know if I'd be doing any of the stuff I'm doing if I didn't get to get on, you know, hour long sessions like this with. Yes, I said sessions for myself, with people. Because it is, isn't it? Because you leave every convert, most conversations, like, a little bit more connected and more like, ugh, yeah, this is so normal. Like, this is just the journey.

It's always cool to talk to another podcaster too, because you're in it, you know it, and it's nice to feel like, you know, you're not alone and, you know, you're one of those people that I can now go to. Cause you're. You're crushing it. I love it.

Oh, my God. Well, the feeling is so mutual. And I want to know, for your podcast, like, what has been some things for you that have just, like, blown your mind as far as, like, what it's done for your life or what you've learned or how you've been connected to people?

Well, you know, I started because I was a magazine journalist and, like, those stories were getting cut and I had these amazing conversations with people. Like, I'd interviewed Wim Hof, and the story got, like, chopped up in Outside magazine and they made him sound like a charlatan. And I was like, that's not cool.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I didn't write that. So I think one of the things is, like, I can tell a story and it's full form and it's not really edited. So it's like the story, it's their truth, which is great. But I think what's so cool is you connect to these listeners that you have no idea are listening, and they come up to you at the grocery store when you talk and you're like, Hey, I recognize your voice, and your show helped me do X. Or a lot of people will say, because a Wild idea is Worth living is about going on an adventure. A lot of people tell me, like, hey, I moved to Alaska. I'm like, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing or. I went on this epic.

How did it go?

Yeah. So I think that's really exciting is that you never know who you're going to impact. And when I was 16, I wrote. I started writing for magazines and newspapers and. And my sister Felicia was living in D.C. she had an internship while she was at Stanford somewhere. And she met these girls starting a magazine for. By and about teens. I remember I was 16, I wrote about. So I got the job. Felicia, like, hooked me up with these people. And I had won an essay contest the year before in the local San Diego Union Tribune. So I had, like, one clip to prove that I could be a writer, and that was good enough to get the job at 16. So I wrote about one of my mom's students who had been date raped. And my mom taught at San Diego State. And I was, like, gnarly at 16 to write about that. And then I also wrote a story about a family member's battle with alcoholism. And a kid came up to me at soccer practice, and she was really cool. I didn't really think she was the kind of girl that would just go home and read a magazine. I don't know why I judged her like that, but she seemed really into partying. She was super good soccer player, but I didn't expect her to read the magazine. And she came up to me and she was like, shelby, I read your story, and my boyfriend's gonna get help for alcoholism. And I was like, that is so crazy. So stories matter, and they can impact people and create change. And I'm sure your stories impact people all the time. And you might never hear about it, but you gotta keep doing what you're doing.

It's crazy. Podcasting is like. Like such a beautiful method for that.

And.

And it's like, especially you have a gift of getting people's stories out. And you know that. I think it's powerful to. And I think a lot of people listening have that gift. I think when people listen to podcasts, they're probably also either interested in, you know, getting better or doing things, or they want to be a podcaster. That's kind of why I started getting into it as well. So I know that you have a podcast course, too. Which is so cool. Tell me about that.

Well, my husband was like, you cannot go to coffee with anybody else and help them with their podcast because I was doing that every day.

That's so true.

I was like, oh, yeah, I love coffee. But it was just getting absurd. Like, everybody was hitting me up, hey, how do you start a podcast? How do you sell it to rei? And I'm like, I mean, they only are gonna buy a couple podcasts, but I just started a class that's on demand. And one of the girls who took it was like, this class is great. It's no bs, Just do. And that's how I designed it, only because that's how I am. So when I started my podcast, I actually took an entrepreneurship business class. And so that was my business. So I started my podcast as a business. So I teach people to think of their podcast like a business from day one, or if they've already started it, rethink of it like a business from then on so that they can monetize it, grow it, and have success. Because I think a lot of people lose money podcasting and that's okay. Like, if your goal is just to meet people or talk about something, invest in podcasting and you don't have to make a lot of money if it is going to be your business, you have to be strategic about it, especially if you hire an editor and a team to produce it. And I just learned a lot of mistakes along the way, so I figured I would just share them all in one place on demand. So I did the class live and then I re recorded it and included some of the live pieces. So it's on demand, anybody can buy it. And. And I just called it zero BS Podcasting because I liked that name and just teaches you how to start, grow and monetize a podcast using everything I've learned and also just things not to do. So hopefully it's helpful to people. A lot of people have started podcasts using it, and I think there's a lot of classes out there. But a lot of the classes on podcasting were created like in 2015 16, when it was so different. Now you're competing with with Hulu and HBO and the New York Times and Netflix. Like, you're not just competing with Joe Blow in his garage starting a podcast. Everyone can do it. So kudos to you for crushing it with your podcast, because it's not easy.

I started at a good time too, though, and there was a bit of strategy involved for sure. I think a lot of people just Start it and they don't think of that. There is kind of the. This, this eight week window in the beginning that you kind of want to like. Well, that was in the past anyway. I'm not even sure if that's still the new and noteworthy kind of that eight week window. But you guys, if you are listening and you want to start a podcast, you need to go listen to that. Because a lot of how you start is going to determine, like, how you feel about your podcast and how you do out in the world. And I think even if you're doing it to talk to people and listen, it's really nice to know that there are things that you can do from the beginning that can boost you up to get more people to listen, you know, and I think that's the whole point. We talking in these microphones in hopes that people are on the other end. And there is some strategy involved in getting people to see that and listen. So I loved what you said about, you know, the podcast from the beginning, thinking of it as a business. And I think that a lot of people start things just like, I'm gonna start this and try it and see how it works. But what, what do you mean when you say that? Like, how do we. Whether it's podcasting or something else, how do we start thinking of it as a business from the very beginning?

So I literally wrote a business plan. I thought about who my listener was, who I was trying to reach, what I wanted to convey, and that if I had a sponsor who would help me get my message in the world. So for the first show, Wild Ideas Worth Living, I was like, I want people to feel less stuck and go for it, whatever it is. And I want them to be able to use nature as a catalyst to help them get there. Who better to help me than someone like rei? So literally, like sponsor one, rei. And by the way, I pitched REI right away. And at the time, they had this Force in Nature campaign trying to get women into nature. And I was like, oh, this is gonna be so easy. I've written about the business of action sports and outdoor sports. I'm a surfer. They're gonna totally pick me. They were like, hi, Shelby, you seem great. We are not in podcasting. Nice to meet you. See you later. Click. So they said no right away. And I think one thing I teach people is a no is sometimes not now. Because six months later, I hit up rei. I got other sponsors. I didn't get upset about rejection. I just decided, I'm gonna pitch 150 brands before I cry once, right? I had to just pitch 150. I wanted to get 150 no's before I even let myself be bummed. And I didn't get 150 no's. I had got some yeses right away. And I charged, like, nothing to, like, let people sponsor the show at first. And then I just continued to grow and continued to raise the price, and, like, I put a lot of my own money into it. But six months later, REI said yes. They licensed the show, and they were such an awesome partner. And I also had to realize, like, I had no Instagram following. I was, like, anti social media at the time. And so I needed someone to help me get this message into the world. And brands are great partners because they reach a lot of people. That was one thing I really learned is, like, working with other people and brands can be really impactful. Also, there's this thing called the podcast Fade. And after show seven, I think it's now show nine, people quit. Like, they just drop off. So if you're starting a podcast and you can get to show nine, you have pretty much winning. You're winning. And if you don't, then, you know, that's okay, and you have to just decide also. So I wanted to think about who my listener was. And, like, I actually had a girl in mind, and I cut her picture out and, like, drew a picture of her on my wall because I wanted to. Remember, I was talking to her. Yeah. And she was this girl who wanted to quit her job because she wanted to go surfing and travel and live in Costa Rica, and her parents thought she was crazy for wanting to do that. She developed a huge depression. I really related to her story. Well, it turns out she now lives in Costa Rica and has this awesome travel job. But it wasn't my. I don't think it was my podcast that did that. I think she kind of set the balls in motion. But what also was interesting that I learned is sometimes your listeners aren't who you think they are. Like, turns out more men were listening to my podcast than women. I thought it would be all women, but I don't know. I'm kind of like, I have some male energy, and I interviewed a lot of guys, and I think guys liked listening, too, and that was cool. I never played the girl card. And I've always tried to showcase a range of people in the outdoors doing cool things without calling them out, whether they're blind or paralyzed or whatever. Different colors, different sizes, different shapes. I just want to showcase rad people doing rad things to get people unstuck. And then with vitamin joy, I wrote a business plan for this one. It's different than starting a podcast in 2016, but my goal is really just to offer bite sized pieces of health and joy. That's as easy as taking as a vitamin. So, like, what can we do to have. Also, I wanted to open the conversation about humor because I think we need more humor and laughter in our life. All the drugs I've tried, laughing has been the best one I could do. And I love that you laugh with your partner all the time on your own show and on your own Instagrams. Like, is it your old assistant? She's so funny.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about that. Because you love humor and I think that there are things that we in our life that obviously where we're either more humorous or certain people we just feel like ourselves around. Or there's certain people who bring out your humor. And there aren't a ton of those people for me that like, they just bring out the side of me that is like, it's almost ridiculous. Like, it's embarrassing. But I'm obsessed with that part of me. So, you know, when I found it, I just had this feeling of when am I having the most fun in my life? And there were a couple of things, people and a couple things that I was like, okay, when I'm around her, there's a part of me that I like just love and I love her, and we just have so much fun. And it's like, it's just the most fun, right? It's like you just like the hour flies by or the three hours or however long you're with that person. And it was a moment for me in my life when I needed to be laughing more. I was like, that's such fun. Is such a north star for me. And humor's such a north star for me. It sounds like for you too, that it was a moment of, I gotta get this into my life and how. So how could I create something that I have to do every week or that I have in my schedule, Whether it's just her and I meeting on Zoom for fun for like, you know, a catch up date. Or I was like, how could I, oh my God, I could turn this into content. And I was like, this seems crazy. That seems stupid. And then I was like, or is it brilliant? Like, so for me, it was a time in my life when I wanted more humor in my every single week. And it's added to my life, life so much that I've noticed it's just paid off in so many arenas.

And I'm.

I tend to be a lot more light and lean towards fun more even since I started that podcast with Evans, my old assistant. So for you, what has been something that you have done or noticed to like, infuse more human in your life? Is it conscious? Is it like, how do you do it?

So kids, like, we're really lucky. We live in a neighborhood with kids and they just are so funny and say the funniest things. Like if you can get yourself around kids, that, that's one thing. Like my nephews are five and they're just discovering all sorts of parts about themselves and they say funny stuff and they don't mean to and I just die laughing listening to them. And like my sister's horrified. But you know, it's not my kids, so that's great if you have.

Not yours.

My neighbor kids, they also come over and they have like full on dance parties in my house and they're like, let's play the game where you try to take a picture of us and we run away. I'm like, where did you think of this game? Okay, we play hide and go, seek and force. And if I can't get into a laughter mood, like SNL usually does it for me, like some of the skits.

Are better than L or newer snl.

Yeah, old school SNL is like priceless. But like a little bit of some of the new skits are okay, you know. But yeah, there's a Zillow skit that's pretty good. Okay, so like they're like treating Zillow like porn. And you know, if you've been at home, you're looking at houses like all day long. Long is you want to move. Well, you moved. You were smart during the pandemic and.

I was looking at houses every day like for probably three or four months.

So. So funny. So yeah, it was just funny because I think humor is where like it hits home. And, and, and there's this element of surprise and humor and I think that's why kids are so good at it. But also, you know, the Zillow thing hit home for me because I have been staring at houses every day, like dreaming of up moving, even though I live on the beach in Southern California. So. Yeah, there you go.

I miss the beach. So I'll just, I'll let you know when I'm popping in to your neighborhood.

Yeah, surfing.

Yeah, I need to go again.

Soon.

What is something that you wish more people knew about you or would ask you?

Feel like they asked me everything. I don't know.

What's something you love about yourself that you kind of like, like take pride in or are, you know, you're just like, oh, I love that I'm like this.

I love that I find goodness in all people and just make friends with like the guys at the grocery store. And my mom used to invite them over to my birthday. The guys who bagged their groceries at Vons. They used to come over to my birthday parties when I was 8. And I'm still friends with people who bag the groceries at the grocery store. Like, I love grocery store workers. I don't know why, but I just, I love people. I love talking to random people and making them smile and. Yeah, that's just my favorite thing ever is talking to strangers. And it's sad because we've had these masks, but I see masks coming down and hugs starting to take place. Everybody's getting vaccinated around here, which is pretty cool. I think we're going to move toward the great hugging pandemic. People are just going to go nuts and hug. It's going to be great.

Oh my God. I used to do an event called the Bliss Project and there's an exercise that we do where you like, have to hug someone for an extended period of time. I know it sounds bizarre, but it's like, it's amazing and it sounds amazing. You, like, have to stare into their eyes. It's real creepy. So if you're not great with intimacy, it's the most uncomfortable thing of your life. But anyway, it started to become a thing because nine years later, I did this exercise all the time. And it was like year seven, I made these T shirts that said, I'm gonna hug you so hard and sold them there. And they like, sold out immediately. Cause everybody got the awkward like, like, I'm gonna hug you so hard. They understood it. Like, oh my God, if you go to Bliss, like, you're gonna be put in this awkward position. And everybody just wanted that I'm gonna hug you so hard T shirt. So I need to bring that back for everybody. It's gonna be great.

That's awesome. I know I have a secret power. Like I have match made people.

Really?

Yeah. About 6 are married and you know, my last name is Stanger. So like, there's millionaire matchmaker Patty Stanger. We're not related, but I do know her. I want to start like the middle class matchmaker. It'd be so great.

I love that. Oh, my God. Well, seven people. That's a crazy track record. That's, like, probably around what she's done if they've stayed together. You know what I mean?

Patty, bring it. I'm just kidding. Yeah, that'd be great.

Exactly. All right. I'm. I'm, like, so grateful that you came on the show. I love any time I get to spend with you. You guys, if you can't see what I'm looking at, but there's, like, a wave on her back wall and, like, I don't know, looks like 20 surfboards behind her. Like, you're just so incredibly, like. I think you're inspiring. You're fun. You're inspiring. All of the things. You guys can listen to her podcast, Vitamin Joy. Where else can we find you? Follow you?

I'm easy. I'm shelbystanger.com if anybody wants to take the course. Yes, just shelbystanger.com courses. And you can just enter friend of Shelby Brenda. Shelby will give you 50 off.

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

Go for it.

Go, go look for it. It is.

And if it's still too expensive, just message me. But I feel like it's really affordable.

It's very affordable. Enter the code. You're gonna be good. All right. I'm so grateful for you. You guys, if you loved this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it. Make sure you tag Shelby, let her know what your biggest takeaway was. So I think that's one of the biggest gifts we can give to our guest is to let them know how she impacted your life, what resonated all the things. Okay, you guys, until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.