714. Q&A: Asking For What You Want

Many of us get so hooked on one path and we're totally missing the fact that there's a million other paths to the thing. Like you can't miss what is for you. You literally cannot. So take the emotion out. Start sending all of the emails so that you can figure out what the path is. Because the path that you think probably isn't the path.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I business not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not.

Alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing.

We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is free, forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that.

Give women a platform.

I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment.

Along with a shout out.

And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, subscribe we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

Evans welcome back to another episode of our show in which we have chosen to call Questionably Awesome. Did you like how we played on.

Words with that I loved in which we have chosen?

I love it too because and it was kind of funny when we were choosing it because we were like, okay, we'll just answer their questions and it'll be awesome. And then we're like questionably awesome. And then we were like and they won't know if it's because it's questionable that we're awesome or if we're just answering awesome questions.

Exactly. So jokes on y'.

All. Yeah. So you figure it out. We're leaving it up to you to figure that out. So you have some basement people coming over. And I know that when you said basement people to me, I was like, that sounds creepy. What are you gonna do down there?

Our basement.

Flooded homeownership.

We could float around down there.

If you were a kid, like, that would be so much fun to just line your basement with plastic, fill it up. Yes. Because when you live in the Midwest, you need an indoor pool because it's cold out. You can invite your friends over and be like, come on, basement.

Weren't there like, oh, did you ever see the movie Blank Check?

I don't think so. But who's in it? Maybe I do. Okay.

It's a really old. It's like a 90s movie and this like 13 year old gets a check and he writes it for a million dollars and he buys all like, buys this insane house, like all this stuff and has like an indoor pool. That just reminded me of Blank Check.

Why is that?

I know that you said it's 90s, but why is that like the stereotypical, like 80s movie? Like, that's like a dream. That is like a dream childhood movie. Chris and I were just talking about, like, where did all of these great shows go from, like the 80s that were just so. They were so simple.

They were so good.

Check.

Write yourself a check for a million dollars. That's the promise. It was awesome.

If we pitch that story now, they'd be like, then what? Then you put a pool in your basement. And they're like, then what? You're like, you invite your friends over.

I'm pretty sure in that movie though, he's like young and he goes on a date with like a 30 year old woman or something. Are you thinking of big?

Are you thinking of big now?

Also, that's a little weird in that.

Movie also, like, if we really think of a lot of the old movies we probably couldn't make, but, you know, I mean, that's what we learned from and that's that. That's what shaped us. So that's how this podcast came about. We were shaped by these movies that we are talking about.

So, yes.

I don't even. I blame them. Do you have. How you taking care of the basement? Like, is that going to be okay?

Yeah, it's going to be great. There are all these nice people that can fix it.

Oh, that's wonderful. Did it flood because of the rain or what?

It flooded because of the rain, and we have to get our drains cleaned, which, I mean, don't we all need a good drain cleaning?

You have no idea. Backed up. Up in here. All right, moving on. So what's that quote you got?

Oh, it's by Shonda Rhimes, and she says, dreams are lovely, but they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral.

This is a great quote. This is great. Start that from the top. Wow.

Wow, wow, wow. Okay. Dreams are lovely, but they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. I don't know how to pronounce that word. I'm embarrassing myself.

Whatever.

But dreams do not come true just because you dream them.

That is so good. And I love that you chose a quote that you didn't actually know the word in and you went for it.

Sometimes you tell me you're afraid to.

Do things, and I'm like, you just did something huge. You just overcame a big fear right there that most people wouldn't do, but you went for it. You were like, I don't know how to say this. I don't know what it means, but I'm going to share this with 30,000 people. Yep.

And they're all yelling right now.

They're all trying to tell you what the word is.

They're like, I know that word.

You can let us know. Actually, don't. It's okay. We'll look it up after this. Okay. My quote is from Robert Kiyosaki. He says, one of the biggest defects in life is the inability to ask for help. Defective. It's defective. So I don't know if someone's taking this personally, and they're like, you just called me defective because I can't ask for help. It's not what I'm saying, but I am. So you can learn how to ask for help. It's very, very simple. It's. It will make your heart drop and your stomach twist when you send that email asking for help. But you. It gets better. Like, it gets easier. If. I swear to you, if you send three to five emails a week that are like scary emails, your life will be completely changed in six months. Like, you will probably have so many of your wildest dreams for that. Like, not saying for the rest of your life, because that's like, a really large dream. But most of your answers would come, and you would probably have all the things that you want if you would just send three to five scary emails.

A week, man, just Hit publish. Just hit send.

You heard it here, Evans. She's working on something, you guys. That literally all she has to do is hit publish. I don't get it. Tell me what goes on in your head right before that.

People are going to think I'm stupid. This is stupid. You're stupid. Why are you doing this? Stupid. That's the exact brain.

I just. I want to meet that hamster because I feel like I would love. I think we've talked about this before, but if our two hamsters on our brain wheels could meet. Oh, no. I feel like maybe they feel like they meet here and people get to see it, like, out loud. They're listening to it right now. It's two hamsters who are, like, high fiving and shaking hands and falling over and eating each other's donuts.

Like, I know you're supposed to be working right now, but let's get drunk.

And I'm like, ah, go to work. I sound stupid.

That's the most accurate donuts.

They're, like, throwing Fruit Loops at each other.

Oh, man.

Yeah. So do you have a review?

I do, by the way.

I feel like I need to fill these. I need to fill these people in and let them know that if they think that this is the type of podcast where we go really deep right away. That's not your podcast. This is our let's Get Goofy, Let Our Hamsters Meet podcast.

It really is. Also, there is a dream man at my front door right now, and I.

Don'T know what to do. No problem.

So I'm.

I'm gonna pause it. Hold that thought and go. She's back from the basement. Thank you for pausing, everyone.

Thank you, everyone.

You have no idea what actually happened in the span of, like, two hours right now. It's maybe a bigger problem than she thought, but she's fixing it. So we'll be back on the basement train next week when we talk to y'.

All.

Y'. All.

Yeah. Stay tuned, y'.

All. Stay tuned. Can't wait to share that information. But it's. I was just telling her. I'm like, it's so Midwest. Like, it's not actually weird to have your basement flood. We're like, it's maybe foundational. Or you could re grade your yard. I don't know. Like, why do I know these things? Anyway, what's the review? Let's chat about the beautiful woman who has reviewed us.

Okay, this is from. The review is from R. McCuller. R. McCuller. R. McCuller says, I found this podcast almost a year ago, and I'm so very thankful I did. I love Lori's raw honesty about her journey. My family also went through bankruptcy and lost everything during the last recession. We've been trying to find the confidence to claw our way out of that dark place ever since. Lori's daily inspiration has given me the boost I needed.

Oh, my gosh. I just want to say that you can do it. It feels like it's long. It feels like it's super dark. It feels like you'll never be able to do it. And you will if you just keep on trying every single day. Definitely read Help Me T. Harv Eker's book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.

Oh, I need to add that to my.

It is so good. It's like, life changing. Okay. Thank you so much for that review. That means the world, especially when you get to hear that, like, how that impact is on that. On that level in those most important. It's such an important time in your life to, like, decision making time, because you can go one way or the other depending upon what your mindset is. So you could absolutely do this and you will do it. So I'm super proud of you for choosing to listen to podcasts and do the tough things. So. All right, Evans, do you have a question? Yes.

And the topic is asking for what you want.

It is, like, one of my favorite topics because you can't get anywhere without asking for what you need and want.

Amen. Okay.

Amen.

I don't even know where to start. All right, this is a common question that multiple people asked in different ways.

Okay.

This is from Mara Kassler, and she wants to know, how do I re. Approach asking for what I want after being told no, how long do you wait to ask again?

Oh, I love this question. So go back to that initial email. Rearrange the sentences, just, like, put them in different order. Kind of being serious, you know, I. If you guys listen to. I think it was Brie Jacoby's podcast. She's just relentless. Like, you have to take the emotion out of asking because you're like, what if they don't like me? Okay, well, if you don't ask, like, you're not even on their radar anyway, by the way. And they probably don't care about you. So at this point, like, it's not a big deal if they're like. And trust me, you're not the only person in their inbox, so they're not focusing their laser hate onto you. There's a lot There is so many people asking. And I will tell you that I have had people on this show. I have had people, you know, in my life doing different things simply because they were literally annoying with their asks. And it's funny, because I'm about to hire someone who. I told her, I don't want to say because, like, I can't.

I'm about to work with someone.

You don't even know how I'm going to be working with them, so don't try to pick it out, but it's not you, Evans. But.

Dang it, I was hoping this story was about me. Okay, keep going.

And I said to her, I go, you know, half of why I'm gonna work with you is because you annoyed me so much. In my inbox, I said that at one point, I would, like, almost thought about, like, being like, don't ever message or email me again. And I was like, because I need this trait really bad for this particular thing. I'm like, I am so you're my first pick.

That's awesome.

And she's just like. She's relentless. She just doesn't care. She's like, I'm gonna. I. She's like, I want to work with you. I will not stop trying. And by the way, that doesn't mean please don't hammer me in my inbox right now, but because you might get an email that says, please stop emailing me. Just kidding. I don't know. Do your thing. Like, none of it matters anyway. Who cares what I think? Nothing matters. And I think that's what I want to say about asking is, like, in the grand scheme, nobody cares, and it doesn't matter. And the only thing that matters is what you make matter. And, you know, the squeaky wheel gets the oil over and over when you ask people how they actually got things. I just had another girl on a podcast who has a great hair extension company, and she's an ulta. She's on hsn. She has all these great partnerships. And I said, okay, these partnerships are freaking awesome, but I know what it takes to get these. I said, how much did you have to ask? She goes, I was relentless. I would ask some people six months or a year, up to three years. And she said, I would probably send an email every couple months and just recheck it and like, hey, here's what's going on with us now. Here's what's going on in the company now. Here's what's really new and exciting. And, you know, I did this with Getting an Oxygen fitness cover. I did it for three. Three years. So you want to know how long you ask for? You ask until you get it or you get a restraining order. So, I mean, don't do that. Please don't do that, but please listen to me. Don't do that, but ask until you get somebody who literally says, stop emailing me. I mean it. And then just email him like, two more times after that with really good information. Okay. It's funny because I hear podcasts like this all the time. Like, people still do that. So the thing is, a lot of it's just not the right time. Like, I have to say no to a lot of things right now because it just doesn't fit in into things or it's just not the right time in my business. Like, this girl I'm going to work with, it wasn't time yet. She started like a year ago. And I'm like, I'm not actually even ready for you. And I know you think I'm lying, but I'm not there yet. So you have to remember, like, just that that person, though, who keeps going is the one who's going to get it. For the most part, as long as you are adding value, you know what this person needs. You're checking the boxes. You. You're making sure that your ask. You're rearranging your ask in a way that adds value to them. Like, if you're asking a company to have a partnership with you that they have nothing, they don't even see how the partnership would work. Like, they're not gonna. Like, that is on your responsibility to make sure that you paint a picture of how this partnership could potentially work and what is in it for them. So every email I wrote to Oxygen once I started to really learn how that worked in order to get a cover, I'm like, oh, they're a business, and their main concern is their bottom line and how good their content is. So every pitch that I did was about how I could get more eyes into their magazine that maybe weren't their types of viewers right now. Or maybe, you know, I would do sections on, like, these are eyes you wouldn't normally get, but these are people who are obsessed with fitness. And then I would also do, hey, this is totally your market already. We can direct them to make sure they get this magazine for this X, Y, and Z. And then I also knew they needed content, so I was constantly coming up with recipes or filming recipes or making recipes. And here's the thing is, you guys, when you're pitching or when you're talking to somebody, you can't be like, hey, Oxygen. I'm just saying that over and over because this is what I did. Hey, Oxygen. I've got three great recipes for you that I think would be a great angle for your magazine. Let me know if you want them. Don't do that. Here's what you have to do. Have your dog stop barking. First it's, hey, I have three recipes that I think would be great for spring because everybody's trying to get ready for summer. And here they are. Here's the. You know, I already did the calorie content for you. Here's all of the ingredients. I already did the photography. Let me know if this is an article you want to run. I would be happy to hand it over to you guys. Like, it has to be good, 1 million percent ready. Right down to. I wanted to do a layout a couple times, which is obviously not the COVID It's internal. And I was like, hey, I have the photographer lined up. Here's going to be the exercises. Here's what it'll look like. I've provided wardrobe. It could be ready on this date. This date? This date. What do you think? Great. You made it easy for them. So how can you make it easy for them? So back to the original question, just to make sure that I answered it yes.

Oh, it was. How do you re approach asking for what you want after you've been told no? How long do you wait to ask.

Again if you've been told no? Just wait a month or two and do, like, an update. Be like, I know you said no, but I truly believe it's not right now because it wasn't a fit at the moment. But here's what has happened since, and here's why I think we're a fit now.

I love that. Could you ever ask them what their reasoning is for saying no? Could you politely get that answer?

Yeah, I think you can do that. But you can't do that too much because sometimes they don't want to give you a reason because it's just like sometimes they're so busy and there's just so much that they're like, I just can't even deal with this right now. So you don't want to put them in a position that makes them say something that they. They don't even know why they're saying no. It's just they're. They're too swamped. And then I've asked why they said no, and they said, I asked, I asked Oxygen a bunch why they said no. And you have to be prepared for what comes back because it's not the truth is the thing. It's not always the truth. So at the time the woman was like, you're just not our look. Like you're not girl next door enough. Like you don't have X, Y and Z. So that one really crushed me for a while. And I realized that that's brutal. It was brutal, but it wasn't the truth either because then they ended up going with me later, you know, everything, everything changed. So and then another one, one of the guys there literally wrote, he was like, hey, your shoulder caps aren't big enough. And I was like, what does that like? That is just a reason out of nowhere. So I like went back and did a million, you know, shoulder reps for the next six months. Nothing changed. And then I ended up getting a magazine cover years down the road. So literally looking the exact same way.

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Yeah.

So you guys have to understand like the re it's if you're going to ask, just be ready for an answer that may not be true or an answer that you can sit with and you're not destroyed by caps held me.

Back from my future.

And like you go have somebody try to remove your shoulders or you tattoo them with shame all over it. Like you have to. It's just not real. None of it's real. So keep asking for what you want and keep creating your reality. Essentially.

I love also what you said is take the emotion out of asking. That was good.

You, you, you literally have to be like, okay, what would this feel like if I just. None of it mattered. If none of it mattered if I didn't. When you're putting too much emotion on the ask, you're depending on them for your happiness and you're depending on them like they need to say yes in order for your dream to happen. And when you do that, you're literally telling the universe that you're dependent on one person. And that's not the thing that's aligning this vision for you. It's the universe, it's God, it's all of the things. So if it's not by way of this person, it's by something else. And so many of us get so hooked on one path, and we're totally missing the fact that there's a million other paths to the thing. Like, you can't miss what is for you. You literally cannot. So take the emotion out. Start sending all of the emails so that you can figure out what the path is, because the path that you think probably isn't the path. So.

That'S good stuff.

It's so good. I needed to hear it, too. I don't know. I feel like I just complimented myself in a really embarrassing way.

No, you didn't.

I want to take that whole last sentence back. All right.

Do you want one more?

Yes, please.

Do you want. Okay. This is from Elizabeth Johnson. Oh, I like this question. How do I negotiate for the salary and benefits that I want deserve when I only have a handful of years of experience on my side? Sometimes people place a higher value on experience versus quality of present work.

So how do. She's saying, I'm sorry, how do I ask for what I want to be making when I don't have as much experience?

Right, because. And she also goes on to say, immeasurably more valuable than some folks who have been in the biz for more time.

Then you say that, and you show.

Your results, like, dang, clear and concise.

I love when, Tony, you're like, thank God, Finally a clear, concise answer. You think we could answer this one, Lori, in less than 10 minutes? What do you think? No, no, I like that clear and concise is the last thing I've ever been called. So I'm really appreciating that. Murky and lengthy. Lori, again, thank you so much for that answer. Oh, clear as mud. All right, so. So I think that that was the answer.

That was the answer.

That was the answer. And I think, you know, I. I've. I'm doing a lot of interviews right now, just so you guys all know that I'm actually in it. And. And there's a lot to be said about when people show me their results and when people show me their confidence. Like, I don't care if you've only done something I'm looking for for one year. If you moved the needle in that one year and you can speak on it intelligently in a way that I'm like, oh, they really know their stuff. And if you are willing. Here's the thing. Like, if you are bold and have courage, I will take someone with way less experience if I know that they will, number one, figure anything out. So if you tell someone that, like, I will figure anything out. Only if that's true, please don't tell someone that. If you won't, I will figure anything out. I will ask anything. I'm super bold. Like, I will just. I will get in there and get the job done. I will take that all day long. Over experience of someone who's like, I worked at, you know, Procter and gamble for 27 years doing X, Y and Z. And you're like, oh. Which by the way, that's great. If you've worked there. It's totally, like equated it with a large name anyway.

Yes, all good.

All good. And you have to like, you just have to go in there and own it at the end of the day and that's it.

And some people have some measurables.

Measurables, for sure. Absolutely have measurables. What do you think, Evans?

I think that's great. Come in with a plan, be like, this is what I did here, here and here. And you can see this result, this result, this result. I deserve this pay. Maybe you could do a different wording than that.

I deserve this.

I deserve this. But you do. But you do just have that mindset.

Maybe, you know, and I'm seeing this. So Jackie's living with us right now. Who does? Hiring Jackie Koch, who is my brother in law's girlfriend. And they're remodeling their home right now. So they've been living with us for quite a few months. Quite a few months. I'm totally kidding you guys. But it has been like six months. But it's been great. Like, we're really slipping into like this family, Dom. Like we almost like, I don't know what I'm gonna do when you're gone because we have like a really good working unit here anyway. She hires people for a living for really large companies. Like, I mean, really epically awesome company. She's got incredible contracts. So with that said, I get to actually hear just a lot of either the questions or the interviews or different things like that just from another room. Right? Because our offices are by each other. And a lot of it is just so much on, you know, I'm in it right now. A lot of it is just so much on, like what they say, what they're willing to do, what they've done in the measurables. And how much that that needle, like, has been able to move. So it's. I think it's less about experience right now. I really do, because I think if you've had the right job with a ton of experience, like, a fast experience, meaning, like, you've done a lot at once, you know, that can equate better than just, like, doing one thing for a really long time. So take that for what. What you want. I'm just seeing a lot of people without a lot of experience get hired left and right because of how they show up to that interview confidently.

So true. So true.

So, you guys, we're so grateful for you. Thank you for always standing by on this podcast through life, because it's just gonna happen. We work. We work from home, you know, we do.

We all do.

We all do. What is this golf hat you're wearing, by the way?

Oh, it's from the Masters. I did not go, but my friend gave it to me.

I really love it.

It.

I really love it. It actually is, like, super soothing because it reminds me of. Of Chris's dad, so I love it. He would. If he saw you in this hat back in the day, he would have just melted. He would have been like, you're a vision. He probably said that.

Sweetest man.

He's probably. He's speaking through me right now. Like, he's just saying, what a vision. Thank you for this.

That sounds like a real thing to say.

It really is. Maybe, like, when's the last time you swing a club, Evan? Then you'd be like.

And then he'd be like, let's go for a lesson. I'll come with you. We can get it all set up. She was the nicest person.

Oh, he would love. That would be his, like, fantasy. Love, love, love to go take people golfing. Okay, you guys, we absolutely love and appreciate you, and we will see you next week for more fun.

I cannot wait. Bye, Lori.

Sa.