715. Are You Manifesting & Canceling It Out at the Same Time?

So where are you holding that belief that's actually stopping you? And where can you reimagine a more ideal scenario of how that would look so that you're not constantly opposing that?

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere, from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. At rock bottom, we had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. I not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not.

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Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. It's time for another quickie because there's.

Always time to fit in inspiration and if you have not joined yet, you.

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When do you get five days with these kind of speakers ever free? You guys, it's Tony Robbins. Are you kidding me right now? Seriously, I'm obsessed. Okay, so getting into the quickie today, are you manifesting and canceling at the same time? Are you holding dueling desires? Oh, my God. I can tell you that I definitely am working through this because I for sure am like, oh, I want this company to be X, Y and Z. And I also am so freaked out if this happens because this could happen. This could happen and this could happen, right? It's almost like this push, pull. Like as soon as you start getting ahead, you realize that something scary could come up from that amazing thing. And you have this deep seated thought in your mind that is almost subconscious and unconscious. And if we don't get to the root of that, then we're going to constantly be creating and canceling out that thing that we want. It's almost like. Well, it's not almost like. It's exactly like, I'm going to go run six miles, which will burn around, you know, 800 to 1,000 calories. And then I am going to go eat four double cheeseburgers. Like, it's literally the same thing. Like, I have this plan. I'm gonna get in such good shape. I'm gonna start running. You know, I'm gonna run six miles a day, but then I'm also gonna have four cheeseburgers, because that's exactly what we're doing to the universe when we say, oh, my gosh, I'm thinking of this thing. I want this thing with my business I want to be collaborating with. And then we let the fear thoughts come in, and we start to get freaked out. And that's all we dwell on, is what could go wrong. So we're literally canceling. We're cheeseburgering our plan, right? We're literally cheeseburgering all over our manifestation. So now I'm hungry for a cheeseburger, first of all. And I don't want to make cheeseburgers the enemy here. I love myself a good cheeseburger, but you know what I'm talking about. All right, so let's talk about this. You're saying you want something, but you're holding another thought. You're holding the fear around doing it and what happens when you get it. So, like I said, creating and canceling at the exact same time. Let's just talk about what. How this actually shows up in your life as well. So let's say that you've got this incredible partner, and maybe you want some more romance in your life. You want some more romance in the bedroom, and you decorate your bedroom and make it, like, way. You know, maybe it's dark and romantic and, you know, you have. Who knows? I don't know what you're into. I don't know. Cheeseburgers in there, Aromatherapy. I have no idea. Like, you do you. And at the same time, you put a TV on the wall where you guys constantly turn the TV on at night, and it completely cancels out whatever was going to happen with the cheeseburgers and essential oils. You get. You get what I'm saying? I'm on one today, so you get what I'm saying? Like, we're doing these things and these actions that state to the universe, like, I want one thing says my aromatherapy and cheeseburgers, and I do another thing says my television, blocking out whatever was going to happen over there. So it's like really wanting these new, you know, relationships in your life. Let's go to friends, right? You really want these Friends. You see all these people collaborating online, except you don't want to leave your comfort zone. You're like, yeah, I want that really bad. And I'm gonna manifest it. I'm gonna think about it. I'm gonna pray that this person comes. I'm gonna meditate on it for an hour a day. But I'm not gonna do the actual action to do it, because I'm really afraid of what will come if I do it. That would mean vulnerability. That would mean, oh, my God, I probably have to upkeep this relationship. Maybe I have to see him once a week or once every other week. Maybe I have to zoom them every two weeks. So you're holding these other opposing beliefs that you're literally just pushing against and poof. Cancels out want, right? You crave adventure. Like, maybe it's all you think about. Maybe you're obsessed with, like, those pictures on Instagram. They're like, pick your favorite vacation spot. Swipe to pick up from these eight, like, fabulous adventures. And you're like, this is what I want. Why isn't this happening? Except you never take the time to make a plan, and you hate leaving home. Maybe you hate leaving your partner. Maybe, you know, you're really uncomfortable away from. Maybe you're on an eating plan and you don't like to leave because you feel like you eat really terrible. Okay, so what do we start doing when we're canceling these things out? When we're not even allowing ourselves to plan for the thing? Or we're really holding this belief that if we go and travel and have the adventure that we want in our life, that maybe we won't feel as healthy, or maybe our relationships will crumble, or maybe you're going to be homesick away from the people that you want to be around, or maybe your business won't thrive. So we're holding these opposing beliefs in so many different places in our life. So what do we do? What do we do? So what we have to do is, first of all, reimagine what it could look like. So let's use the travel idea, right? For me, I wanted to travel, but I was like, I'm always unhealthy. I don't sleep well on the road. I end up drinking too much, I eat too much, and then I feel terrible. And then once I get home, it takes me at least a week or two to recover and feel normal. And, like, I'm in a normal sleep routine. Especially. Especially if I travel to Europe, then I'm really messed up for, like, two weeks. My digestion feels messed up. Okay, These were the stories I was holding. So guess how many times I went and traveled to Europe and, you know, really had the adventure in my life that I wanted? Not very often, you guys. Not very often. Not compared to what I actually felt like I was craving in my life was culture and newness and excitement, and I was holding an opposing belief that I couldn't have this without feeling. Feeling bad. So I had to reimagine what it could look like. Okay, as crazy as it sounds, here's what I had to do. I was like, all right, so my sleep always gets messed up on the plane and there. So I'm going to be the bougie traveler. I'm going to just make my trip better. And I'm going to take an extra suitcase and I'm going to put in there my body pillow, my earplugs, my eye mask, maybe my, you know, essential oils. Maybe I take some melatonin so that I can make sure that I sleep. Like, I'm packing all of those things. Okay. If I feel like I don't eat well, okay, I'm gonna take my shakes during the day, and I'm just gonna have this epic meal out every night. But I'm gonna try to do my best around, like, maybe having some shakes and maybe some healthy bars or who knows, whatever that is for you. Or maybe I start planning my food during the day, like, hey, I'm gonna have a fruit platter for breakfast. And you essentially are thinking and planning all the ways that this could be a better experience so that you're not constantly holding that belief. And I will tell you that when I started to do this, I started to not dread travel because I started to sleep. I started to feel better. I started to recover faster once I got home. So then my opposing beliefs weren't pushing against each other, and I started to get to live the life that I wanted and have more adventure and feel more culturally enriched and have better stories, have better experiences and have more perspective to pull from because of those experiences. And just a totally different paradigm of the world and people because of those rich experiences. So where are you holding that belief that's actually stopping you? And where can you reimagine a more ideal scenario of how that would look so that you're not constantly opposing that? So what I also want you to look at is. Let's talk about. For so many people, okay? If my business is successful, right? What if I. What if this thing actually takes off what if this person actually comes into my business and now I have to like, show up for this person? Right? So we want this collaboration, but what if it actually comes through and I have to like, be like, better than I am right now? What if I have to, like, be on time for all the things? What if I have to do more throughout the day? What if I. What if they have more expectations of me? Like, that's scary. So now I don't know if I want that collaboration. I'm holding this fear of, like, what if I have to show up in a big way? And I'm holding this desire of I want to collaborate with this person who's doing X, Y and Z in the world. But that fear and the desire are canceling each other out, right? You're creating and canceling at the same time. And poof, it's gone. And the thing is, is that it's gone, but you're still doing the work. You're still running on that treadmill for six miles and it feels like hard work, except then you're eating the cheeseburgers. So then it cancels itself. It cancels those calories out. So essentially that's exactly what we're doing. It's like the work doesn't go away. Even just because you're holding these separate beliefs. You still have the desire and you're still working really hard around putting that in and maybe putting the actual work in, like running on that treadmill. But when you hold the fe. Canceling it out. So here's what we have to do. You have to get to the root of what that fear is. And then you have to do if this, then that meaning if this happens, this is how I'll support myself. So if this happens, this is how I will support myself. And you do that over and over and over and over and over and over again until you start getting the result that you want. And what happens is that we don't go to the absolute worst case scenario and ever create a support system around it. And that's why you're canceling out what you actually want. Okay, so let's go back to the scenario of working and collaborating with somebody that you want. There's a fear there of something. If I fail to complete this task or not understand how to complete this task, I will disappoint this person and they will not want to work with me again and they'll think that I'm a failure. Okay, if this happens, if you get to a place where you feel like you can't complete a task or you don't know how to do it, you will support yourself, right? This is what you say to yourself, what will I do? I will support myself by going to that person and saying, hey, I don't want to disappoint you. So I'm going to need a little more time on this. And I have to be totally honest, I don't understand how to do this. But I'm going to do my best to get the answer. Is there any way that you can help me with this? If not, I will exhaust all possibilities and figure this out. I'm just letting you know, I'm just asking for a little bit of grace and I will work it out. Okay, if this, then that. So what are you afraid of? Okay, if I put a book out, right? You're like, so many people out there like, I want a book, but then they think of writing and they're like, oh my God, I have to tell my life story. That's exposure. What if it fails? Okay, if you write a book and it fails, then how will you support yourself? Okay, well if I write a book and it fails, I will look at that and say, wow, I'm still so proud of myself because of the fact that I wrote it. I will continue to do my best to push it out in the world. Because what exactly does frickin failure mean anyway? It's an expectation that you have set on yourself. And yes, maybe there's an expectation put on you by the publisher of how many copies that they want sold. That's just an expectation essentially chosen out of thin air because they will not know how that book will sell with you and you can always continue to sell it. So no matter if it was like in three months, we want this many copies sold. Which isn't how it works, by the way, you guys.

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It'S like, you know maybe your book is a marathoner and not a sprinter. Maybe your book is going to sell Slowly and a lot of copies throughout the years. And that's also a great book. Sometimes they prefer the marathon books. So you have to support yourself that if this then that. And if it does fail or they think you're an epic failure, big deal. Because then you've said, if this happens and my book fails and I can't get another publisher after this, then I will self publish and I will push it out to all of my people. Because there are so many different ways to go about things, you guys. And one failure does not destroy you. Two failures does not destroy you. Ten failures does not destroy you. I have proof of all of the people who were successful have hundreds of failures under their belt. But the people around them who give them other chances is because they see the scrappiness and all of the lessons that you learn from the failures. So what is the opposing belief that you're holding? And how can you. If this, then that, right? If this happens, go to worst case scenario around it. Then I will support myself like this. Then let's end it. And after that, right, if this happens, this is how I will support myself and I will continue moving forward no matter what, right? So this is all just mental training because right now your brain is like, if this happens, I die, right? That's not going to get you anywhere because it's just like that's what's in your brain. If this happens, I might die. Like, yeah, you're definitely not going to take action if that's what you're thinking. If this happens, I will support myself. I will call this friend, I will call this friend. I will get back up and I will continue moving forward. Even with that lesson, even with that maybe little bit of shame that I'm going to work through. Even with that, you know, horrible thing that I'm reflecting on. I'm only going to look forward to look forward instead of looking backwards. So you guys, failures are literally just a process of elimination. It's not even a failure. It's literally like, oh, that didn't work. Right. Okay. That way didn't work. It's just a maze. It's like, oh, dead end. That one didn't work. Oh, dead end. That one didn't work. You don't go to a corn maze if you guys are from the Midwest. Okay. Find yourself a good corn maze if you're not from the Midwest. Yes, there are things that are called corn mazes, all of you. East coasters and west coasters. And they're ridiculous and fun and you don't go to a corn maze, like literally. And get to a place where it's a dead end. And you're like, I failed. You're like, oh. And it's the fun part. You're like, oh, that didn't work. Okay. And you run to see the next option to see if it works and you keep running into dead ends. And that's the fun part because you're like, process of elimination. Didn't work. Didn't work, didn't work. How fast can you hit the dead end so that you can find your way through the frickin corn maze? Telling you life advice coming in hot. Cheeseburgers and corn mazes all for you this week. All right, you guys, sending you so much love today. Really, I'm serious, make this work fun. Because we're gonna fail for the rest of our lives and we might as well just really learn from the lessons and enjoy it because nothing's gonna change. You're gonna feel this exact. The way that you decide to feel right now is how you're gonna feel exactly when you feel successful. So if you feel like a loser right now while, you know, or sad or you're not feeling very good about yourself, not from external circumstances, nothing outside of you is going to change that. It's a choice. And once you make the choice to decide to feel good and have some fun along the way, that's exactly how you're going to feel. Once you show up to the destination, nothing really changes. And if it does, it changes for about an hour and you have some, maybe some cocktails or some cake, cheeseburgers, and then it's done. You're back to the grind again, feeling the same way that you've always felt. So I want to send you so much love and just realize that we can choose right now. And it takes work every single day. For me, guys, I wake up feeling a little bit wonky and I just do a lot of work around gratitude and what we get to do during the day and what we get to create here on this planet and what a gift life is and how the lessons are also gifts, even though they don't feel like them a lot of the times. And I just, I pray that you can squeeze the juice out of this life and some joy out of this life every single day. Because that's all it's about is just waking up and enjoying this beautiful gift that we've been given. And know that every day we'll have hard things involved and challenges. And there is also joy all interwoven within that. So I want to know if you had any takeaways from this, what your root cause is, and maybe what work you're going to do around it. And I would love for you to go to ownit64.com and join that challenge. Text five of your friends, let them know to go to ownit64.com, text them that link and get them involved in this five day challenge. Let me know if you did it. Okay, you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye. Bye, Sam.