719. Q&A: Relationships

I am going to say that each individual person has to be on their own journey of growth and walking in their purpose. Because then what happens is that every time they meet, they essentially are new people again. Keeping it interesting. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere, from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. At rock bottom, we had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could.

Business.

Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. Hello everyone. Welcome back to Questionably awesome with my co host, Evans, who, if you didn't know, her real name is Hillary. And her also fact number two, she used to be my assistant. Not for as long as I would have liked, but she just grew out. She just grew out. This, I'm going to say it, you grew out like.

And now I'm moving back next week. I'm moving to Arizona.

I wish you were. Do not tease me like that. Like that would just be. That would literally be just like the most amazing thing ever to be able to work with you in. That would be so another modality in Which Evans is just like at her full bloom. Hey, who's Evans in full bloom? What would that look like?

Pretty petals coming out of my head?

No, like, what is Evans? Who is Evans in full bloom? If I was just like, oh my God, she is straight up the bloomin onion.

I would say she's in a two piece on the, on the beach. For shizzle.

Heliashi is. Hey, have you worn a two piece since our, since our last excursion in the Bahamas? Wait, you didn't actually wear a two piece there. But God, we have to give some backstory. So you guys, we. She was my assistant. I ended up getting this crazy opportunity of speaking on the Oprah cruise and I was not going to go alone. June just wants to be heard right now. I'm going to take up some space right now until June is just like, you know, muted for a sec. So I did not want to go on this trip alone. And Chris was, I think he was out of town somewhere. And I was like, oh no, Evans has to come with me because I just am obsessed with her company. Anyway, so Evans and I took a seven day cruise where we were in a, in a small cabin together. And yeah, it was, I mean we like really got to know each other and we were like the youngest, hottest things on the ship. I can't say hottest because there were definitely some women who were really running us for our money who were in their 70s and 80s. And I was just like, wow, like sex never expires, you know, like sexy never expires.

That's my quote for the day. Sex never expires. Lori Harder dot com. Oh God.

So anyway, I would always just be like, let's, it's hot. Like you should wear crop tops and we're going to go on the beach. You should wear this cute bikini. Like I think I was sending you like bikinis for the trip and you were like, oh, no, no way. So then it just got really, really fun to start being like, what about this bikini? Yep.

I don't know why I'm so scared of bikinis.

I don't know why either. Did they do something to you?

No. I mean, well, one time. Oh, I do remember I got boobs one summer. And then first of all, we had a middle school back to school pool party, which. Who arranges that? Because middle school, you do not need to party.

Traumatizing. Yeah, exactly.

And I remember a boy was like looking at my boobs and was like, you got boobs? And I was like, I have to go home now. I hate Everything about this.

Oh, my God. I had something similar like that. Where it was. It was even worse, though. It was my dad telling me I needed a bra. Oh, my God. I literally almost died. And from there on out, I became the Hunchback of Notre Dame. And I put tape over my boobs. Tape. Wow. Tape. And I was like, no one will ever know that I'm turning into anything but this. I will remain an inchworm for the rest of my life. I will deny Butterfly Dom, and I will tape the shit out of these things until I don't even know. I was just so offended of my own self. Isn't that crazy?

Yes. But I felt the same way when I got boobs. I was like, this is terrible. I need to.

Someone help me get rid of them. Why do we have welcome parties for our daughters, like, for their boobs when they show up? Like, how do we make that like a. A welcome home, you know?

Yeah. And, like, when you shave your legs and you get, like, armpit hair and just all that stuff is very traumatizing. It really is.

You're like, look, for the first eight years of my life, I was gung ho and free. I was. I don't even know, but. And then all of a sudden, one year, it's just like, everything changes. Hair and some stink.

Oh, did you have sweaty armpits? Because I had hardcore sweaty pits.

Yes. I just actually had a friend tell me that her daughter's, like, going through that right now, and she's like, I don't know how to tell her that she, like, really needs deodorant. She's like, girl, you cannot play outside without this. Like, now you used to bring your Barbie. Now you bring this natural roll on. I don't know. It's. Life is challenging. And now we're here. So here we are. So here we are. This podcast is a little bit about inspiration and answering your questions and a. About sports bras being questionably awesome, which, by the way, were, like, my go to because they just flattened everything out. You know, Uniboob.

I always wore a sports bra.

Sports bras are girdles for your boobs.

It's great. So.

Did you have a quote?

Oh, yeah. And it's definitely in line. We're talking about, you are what you believe yourself to be, B. Paolo Coelho.

That is so true. And. Oh, this is good, because this goes into the quote that you gave me. That was actually my quote.

Yes. I wrote it down because I loved it.

I was like, evans, I'm in the middle of a mastermind. Right now I'm. I'm feeling like I. I'm not quite, like, totally here yet. Like, I'm not dropped in. And you're like, well, you said a quote I wrote down. And I was like, I can't believe I'm going to quote my own quote. This is, like, real bad.

She's like, no, it's not. It's so good. Tell everyone.

I don't remember what it is now. I have. I have. Oh. Feeling like a fraud is not actually being a fraud. That's what it feels like to be a beginner. Is that what you had told me?

Yes, yes. You were talking about how when you're new at something, you're like, I'm a fraud. What am I doing? Then you said, actually, that's called being a beginner.

And it feels a lot like being a fraud, but that's not it at all. It's literally like, oh, I have not done this before. That's the definition of a fraud. I mean, like, not the real one, but. But maybe. Because if they're doing fraudulent things that they've never done before, then technically they're a beginner fraud.

Yeah. A new new fraud.

Newfound fraud.

So that's a really good podcast, though, the one y' all did.

Oh, thank you. I thought you meant we should start another new podcast called New Found Fraud. I was like, hey, that actually is.

A catchy title, though.

It really is. I was like, you know what? I'm super busy, and there's nothing I like more than being overwhelmed. Been being more overwhelmed than I am. Let's do it, Evans. Because that's exactly how my brain works.

I'm nothing else.

Hey. Oh, your plate. Oh, that meatball's, like, rolling off the top pile of the spaghetti. You know what the best thing, the best way to not get that on your white carpeting is put four more meatballs on there. Yeah.

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

I mean, just every day of my life, but it's, like, not.

Yeah.

Yeah. But that's nothing new. So anyhow, I don't know. I'm in a weird place because I'm just always, like, when I'm not overwhelmed, though, like, and I'm trying to be really present for it because I'm actually, like. I love everything I'm doing when I'm not overwhelmed. I'm like, huh, I have some space. I should. Oh, I should do this. So I think that's just how I'm wired. And I'm starting to, like, really get to. I Don't know. I'm getting to accept that because I really love downtime. Only for a short amount of time because then the ideas just inspire me and light me up. And I can't wait to work on other people's ideas or be around people with ideas. So I really just think that's what makes me light up like a little glow bug. Put me in a jar and call me glow.

You are just full of zingers today, Lori.

Loving it. Oh, I love Zinger bug. I like. Okay, do we have a review?

Oh, yeah, and it's from Britney Snoo.

I thought you were gonna say Britney Spears, but Britney Snoo is even better.

Wait, Britney Snoo. Sounds familiar. Is she on Instagram?

I mean, isn't everyone? Probably.

I'm gonna look her up. Okay. Oh, man. She says make this your go to podcast for inspiration. I listen to podcasts and audiobooks a lot and this one is my absolute favorite. They say you become who you spend your time with, so sometimes that's not available at the tap of a finger. Like this podcast. It's like you're hanging out with Lori and other inspiring entrepreneurs. I love how she makes it feel like you're sitting together for a chat one on one, and has a never ending well of things that will 110% make your life better.

Oh, my God. I can't really say I deserve that extra 10%, but I liked it. You got to like her. I mean, me too.

Britney Spoon, Britney Snow.

Britney Snu. We love you. Okay.

Do you got a Q?

Oh, yeah. This is all about.

So I got a big A.

Okay, let's build those. This is from Heidi Roston. Okay. Sorry, I can't stop laughing.

Hi.

Hi, Heidi. Hi, Heidi.

Sorry about that, Heidi. Okay, how do you keep a relationship exciting, fresh, and evolving in such a way that interests both people?

Wigs and whips. Okay, so is this. What type of relationship do we think this is, Evans?

I think it's like a French relationship.

Then I really got it right.

Okay, you definitely got it right.

With that said, I am going to just go with what could actually match all relationships here. And again, that's role play. Just kidding. But I am going to say. I am going to say that each individual person has to be on their own journey of growth and walking in their purpose, because then what happens is that every time they meet, they essentially are new people again, keeping it interesting. So no longer are you meeting with someone and there's nothing new to say or teach or learn from that person. And you also. So not only are you learning something new from them, and you're excited to be around them because we're so lit up by learning and hearing things through their perspective and their experience that you didn't get to experience, but you now do through them. But you also get the exciting, connected feeling because you get to bring value to the table as well and teach them as well and be a new person from the last time you saw them. Now, this is so true, because I think of this a lot with just different people in my life who sometimes I get on the phone with, and I'm like, wow, there's literally not one thing new. In fact, it's the same exact story from the last 27 years that we've gotten on the phone. And that's hard. It does not. It's hard, and it does not spark the excitement to get back into that relationship. So definitely, I don't care if it's a marriage, a partnership, a business partner, especially a business partner, you, like, want to make sure that your business partner and you are always growing and learning so that when you come back to your, let's just say, Monday meeting, you both have, like, new things to bring in, new ideas. And any. Any relationship gets stagnant when it's like, nothing new to say. We went to the same restaurant, sat at the same table, ordered the same lasagna. Like, you know what? Order the vegan lasagna order. Ooh, order some chicken. I mean, they. I don't know if you're vegan, but order something different and surprise the shit out of your partner. Just be like. They'll be like, you've never ordered that before. And you're like, that's right. Because I know that you want to try something new and spicy. And I wore a different outfit that you've never seen before, and I ordered something different. And I'm trying a new drink. And I'm not going to complain about it, but I am going to tell you about my experience in a positive way.

I love that. I love that you just. Just one think about that. One little shift in your order can change that whole night out.

It really can. Like, completely. Even like a different restaurant that you've never tried, a different part of town, just booking a different experience, you know, Chris and I, his mastermind. I was blessed enough that I got to go get a spot because they just had some extra spots to go race car driving. And it literally still, two weeks later, has, like, rocked my world because it was so far outside of my Element, and they push you to go faster, and they push you, like, for time, and you do team rallies and all of this stuff. I was like, oh, my God. I forgot that my life is missing things that really pushed me outside of the box and that are new. And, you guys, I didn't like when the day. I was excited to go, but then when the day came, I almost canceled because I was, like, not really into this. Like, man, I'm not that excited. And I was like, you know what? You need to go and allow the room for the magic to come in and just go, simply because you need to not sit at your freaking desk all day and work. Like, that's all I've been doing. And I went, and it opened up so much creativity in my mind. And I was so excited to work the next day where I was feeling like I was starting to trudge through, you know, like, molasses there for a little while because I wasn't doing anything new or different. And it's because my lazy ass doesn't want to go look and book anything. And because I think it's easier to sit in front of the TV at the end of the night and order the same salad from True Food. Kale with shrimp. Yeah, I order to kale salads with shrimp. Judge me. I dare you. And then I wash suits. Right now it's the same night on repeat, and it's really just. I need to switch it up. Evans. What. What's your repeat? All.

What's up, my saint? What's my.

What's on repeat for you?

Oh, I would say, yeah, like, the nighttime thing. Adam and I got kind of in a thing where I really like reading at night and he likes to watch tv. So we. We needed to go on a date. Actually. That was a big thing. The last two weeks, we've had one date night each week because we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not even talking to each other at night.

Oh, my God, I'm so proud of you.

It makes a huge difference.

It's life changing. We actually implemented that, too. We were like, okay, we have to go on two date nights per month, because we had not for so long. And then on date nights, we have started, like, actually doing, like, things that open up, like, dreaming on them. Like, okay, let's play Wouldn't it be cool if. Or like, what do you picture in, you know, X amount of years? Or, like, what's something you haven't done yet that you want to do and that. And then it's like, okay, how can I get on board with that vision? And then you get down to the tactical, and you're like, okay, how can we make this happen, like, in the next six months or a year? So that's why date nights are so important. It's business meetings for your love life, for your lover. For your lover. Be like, hey, Adam, we need a business. Business capital ass meeting.

He'd be like, cool, let's do it.

We need a biz. Capital ass. Well, that wouldn't be weird to him at all because it's you. But what would he say? Like, he'd be like, yeah, he'd put out a plaid suit and be ready to go 100%.

That's exactly what he'd do.

What's new in Adam's world right now? Like, I feel like I really miss his. His face smiling by the door and be like, yeah.

He'S on a man's trip right now. He's fly fishing.

Oh, my gosh. That's so cool. That's so funny, because Chris went fly fishing not too long ago, too.

He did?

Yeah. So they're both, like, indoctrinated into the rivers.

I love it. I'm like, you get yourself some man time. Get it in there.

Isn't it so nice? So what are you. It's just you and June hanging out?

It's just me and June. Tonight I'm having dinner with my mother in law. It's just, you know, we're doing our thing.

You what? You and your. You should switch something up with your mother in law. I don't know what it is.

That's a good idea.

Like questions in a bowl. You should learn about, like, her younger self. That'd be so fun. Be like, you know what I really want to learn about, like, maybe stuff that I don't know about you. So I made these little questions in a bowl, and I thought it'd be fun, and we both answer them.

Okay. I love that. And guess what? I'm gonna do it.

I'm so excited. I can't wait to hear about it, because I bet that there is so. I bet that she had some wild times or just, like, some really cool experiences or dreams that maybe she needs to unlock to remember who she is.

I totally agree. And that's one of the best. Excuse me. That was gross. One of the best things about. Hey, Mucus. One thing I really enjoy about spending time with you at dinner parties is you always ask for great questions to the group.

I just want to know. I just don't want to talk about the same stupid stuff? Yeah, I can't do it. I can't.

People need to buy light pink because then you'll have the question aria on the can and you can get on that level.

With the holidays and the new year coming, you probably are looking around your house thinking that you would love to upgrade and freshen up your environment and there is no easier way to do that than with your window treatments. Nobody covers windows better than blinds.com blinds.com brings your space to life in your way. They have free design help. Other retailers may claim to have experts, but blinds.com has spent nearly 30 years building an award winning team of over 100 design consultants that are ready to help you create your dream space. Always convenient, always tailored to you. Three ways to shop 1. Perfect fit Whether you want a DIY, have it all done for you or you're somewhere in between, choose what works for you and rest easy knowing the fit is guaranteed. So the holidays come fast you guys, and you can freshen up your window treatments fast as well. And unlike some competitors, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees and there's zero pressure. From blackout in motorized options to classic shutters, blinds.com has window treatments for every room, style and budget, even shades for your outdoor space. The Black Friday deals@blinds.com are going strong all month long, so don't miss your.

Chance to save big.

And as always, our listeners still get $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code earn at checkout. Limited time offer rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you for every that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap and I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match. Your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy. Go to shopify.com happy that's shopify.com happy here your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side.

It's so true. Blame the can. You know, it is weird to ask questions at first. It is. But I think just having a podcast is so not weird anymore. Speaking of questions, let's do one more.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Don't say sorry. That was me.

This is from Taylor. Baba Cat.

Great last name.

I know.

Okay. How do I approach a new female relationship? From the beginning, letting them know I don't just want a surface level friendship, but I want to grow, be challenged, and cheer on. Cheered on by a bestie. Oh, there's a book about this, is there?

I think there is a book about this. And if she. She may not know. I don't know. It's been. It's been a while. But I really do have a book about this called A Tribe Called Bliss, where I literally wrote all about this. I don't know. Have you ever seen House Bunny? I feel like the best way to approach it is just to be like, hey, my name is Lori and I want to go deep and I want more. Like, I think getting that out into the forefront. I love when she's like, why does.

She do it again?

Or she's like, there's like, what's her name? Oh, that's what it is. So she tries to remember people's names. So if I was to meet Evans and I always forgot names, she does this so she doesn't forget. She's like, hey, my name's Evans. And I'd be like, evan.

Think about what she does.

And so I think that's what we should do to, like, let people know what we really want. And then if they run, they're clearly not your people. And it just. It makes that process so much faster. So actually, in actuality, that could be a good idea, but I think there's some other ideas that maybe Tayla I believe that was the name.

Yes, correct.

Taylor, What a cool name is asking. So you know what? You have to write down what it is that you want out of a relationship. And literally that's how you approach it. And it. It's only going to be weird if you make it weird. Things are only weird if you make them weird. Like, if you are like, this is not weird. This is literally what I'm looking for. It's like a personal ad or it's like a. Sorry. When you're trying to hire someone. Help me. What is that called?

A job posting? Yeah, interview.

Yeah, it's like a job posting for a friend. It literally is like, hey, I am looking for somebody who is building their bit. Or I'm looking for another woman friend, slash friend who's building a business right now that we can hold each other accountable and, you know, maybe create some partnerships, but really just be there for each other. Is that weird? Not weird like DM the crap. DM 50 to 100 people that you'll get turned down 99 of the time, but you're gonna. The 1. I'm just being real.

Like, you so will.

I so got turned down so many times. In fact, I totally got ghosted. And some of them just acted like they didn't see it. And I'm like, I saw that you saw it and then marked it on saw. That's fine. It's totally fine that you can't actually confront, like, vulnerability or what do you call it? I don't even know. Like, no, that was good. When you're personal, when you're, like, confronting uncomfortable situations with people so you avoid it instead of. Which, by the way, I don't know. Like, I don't know how I feel about people just avoiding the. No. Like, just tell me. No, that's so much faster. Like, you don't have to say anything around it. I also get it, though, because once in a while it's like, I just don't have one more ounce of energy to write a nice no. So I'll be like, I'll wait on that one. Somehow.

You're so right, though, about. I love what you're saying about asking people. And you can join a group, you can join an organization in your city that's like, oh, there's like in. In Scottsdale, the thing that you and Lindsey went to speak at. What was that?

Oh, yeah, the Foundress.

Yeah, join the Foundress.

Totally. You guys, there's a million things like this in cities. I did not even know it. So I mean, I did know it. I did not even do it. I did. But at the same time, you have to search for them. So you literally just search. You know, women's networking or networking, business networking doesn't always have to be just women, but they're everywhere. So you have to just go. And that's what those people are seeking at those type of. Types of events. So it's extra not weird. It's like that's actually what they're looking for. So I think a lot of times we don't get what we want because we're not even asking and we're not clear on how. We haven't written down our actual ask. So we'll even go to these events and be like, nothing happened at this event. And it's because you went into the event with not knowing your intention at all. So you couldn't. Like Mel Robbins yourself. You couldn't. 3, 2, 1, go. Because on 3, 2, 1, go, you didn't even know what the go was. You were just like, go. Do what? Stand here some more and be weird or go up to the cheese table again? Like, yes, you gotta have the. What's gonna happen after the 3, 2, 1, go, right?

And what I like asking questions. Like in A Tribe Called Bliss in your book, you give great questions to ask. And I feel like to make a friend, you have to be a friend too. So when you're asking someone, then they'll be. They'll get kind of interested in you too.

Totally. Million bazillion percent. And this really reminds me, I don't think we answered the first question. What is Evans doing when she's a full blooming onion? When she is outbacking herself?

Oh, probably at a dinner party.

And what are you doing? Like, what are you doing in life? Like, what are you feeling? What? What are you doing in life every day?

I was hoping it wouldn't go this way.

I know. You were doing really good at avoiding that. A dinner party, drinking a mint julep from a very cute snifter.

Whatever they're called.

I don't know, we gotta get.

Oh, I know. I know what it is. Cheering people on and writing things to cheer them on and build them up and make them feel less alone.

You're such a writer. Mm. There's something there, E grad.

There's a little spark.

Mm. We gotta throw some fuel on it. Maybe you should put one of those questions in the bowls tonight to your mother in law, to your mill.

I should, I should.

Something about what does she look like in full bloom?

That's a really good question. Why don't you make that on a quote tile and put it on your Instagram?

Oh, that is a good question. Yeah, I'm writing that down.

That's a really good one. What do you look like in full bloom?

Oh.

Good ideas.

I'm. It's because I'm so you guys, I'm on break of our mastermind right now for fast foundations. I have like 10 minutes left, so you need snack. I'm vibing. I'm vibing. Anyway, I'm in. I'm on my way to full bloom. I feel it. Evans, I love you.

And I love you too.

Just so grateful for always getting to see. It's so funny. I wanted to keep Evans in my life and I feel like this podcast does that for us. And, you know, it's so cool. It's like, I don't get to see you much outside of this, but I was thinking this the other day. I was like, I really want to see you're outside of that. And I'm like, you know what? Right now, with just how much I have going on, I was like, I'm so. I can be so grateful for the fact that we have weekly touch ins. Like, touch it.

Yeah, we have weekly touches.

And it's so special to me. It's like so special that I never want to miss them. So anyway, like, just. Just allowing for people to see, like, maybe it doesn't have to look a certain way. Maybe we don't have to, like, call each other all the time. Maybe we can have like 30 to 40 super awesome minutes and then whenever, you know, maybe the once a year that we get to see each other are just super special. So. But that's totally it.

That's it.

It is it. And I love working with you in this modality. It's just the greatest. And I don't know. Until next time, everyone remain questionably awesome.

Bye, Evans. Bye, Lori. Sa.