727. Attract Your Dream Relationships with Danette May, founder of Mindful Health

All I can say to anyone is like, if you are feeling all of this, like have you done the things where you're eating high frequency food? Are you getting out in nature? Are you praying? Are you visualizing? Are you connecting to a higher power than yourself? Because when you do, all of that other BS becomes a lot easier.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multiple passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like.

We don't know what we're doing.

We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. I am so excited for today's podcast because I have one of my truest soul sisters on the show. She's been on the show before and if you don't know, I actually wrote my book based off of a relationship that I had with her and another woman where we did kind of like.

A bi weekly mastermind and would get.

On the phone for an hour every other week and really just talk about how we could help each other and.

What we were going through in the most real, raw, vulnerable way.

And it's what my book was based off of, helping you set that up for yourself.

So I wrote A Tribe Called Bliss.

Based off of the experiences that I had and that I learned with these women as well. So you guys, today I have on the show Danette May and she is driven by a powerful calling to serve the planet and her people. She inspires people around the world to step up into their true and full expression of themselves. I know that she did this for me, helping me reach my full potential just as a true friend and as such a teacher. She is such a teacher archetype. Her teachings and programs have transformed the lives of millions of people, allowing them to live their happiest and healthiest lives. Not just that, I absolutely love that she has a new book out that's or that's coming out in September, September 14th and it's called Embrace Abundance. And this woman truly went through her own journey of embracing abundance of what that looked like and working through that. And I can tell you she is now one of the most abundant, abundant minded humans that I've ever met. She's the co founder and COO of Mindful Health. Danette has built two thriving eight figure businesses in Earth Echo Food and Fit Rise. Mindful Health was recognized as number 48 on the 37th annual Inc. 5000 and she also published her first best selling book back in 2018 which was called the Rise and I. It's one of my favorite books. You guys absolutely have to get it and you're going to love her new book. In addition to her signature programs and products and bestselling selling books, Danette shares her wisdom and simple life hacks through national media interviews, keynote speeches and mastermind sessions. She is a regular podcast guest and has been featured in several documentary films alongside Tony Robbins, the Dalai Lama, Richard Branson and more. You guys, you can follow her at the Danette May and you are gonna love this interview. It is all about relationships, abundance and relationships and really using our relationships to reach our full potential. And relationships are pretty much the key to everything.

So no matter who you are, you.

Are going to benefit from this conversation. Let's get started.

Danette, I'm so excited to have you back on the show. Thank you so much for being here.

Oh my gosh. I was telling you earlier before you hit record, I was like, I've been excited just to connect with you. We booked this a while ago, but then this morning I was like, I get to connect with Lori. I'm so excited you guys.

If you don't know, Danette is literally one of the women that I wrote about in. In the book that I wrote, A Tribe Called Bliss, because we started this relationship like fully on faith. Pretty much like it was that time, I think, where all of us were really wanting. It was before this talk about really relationships and building out your friend group and the importance of relationships. We were starting to understand it and I was craving deeper connection. You were craving deeper connection, but support on all the things like business life, relationships. And that is when we took a leap of faith, didn't really know each other and just said, hey, what would it look like if we met every other week for an hour in the morning? Sometimes it was like 6:30am Guys.

And now 6:30 for you? Because it was 7:30 for me.

Early. It was early and I didn't want to do it a lot of the times. And then I'd leave that room after that hour with you and Lindsey Sikornick, and I would just like be floating. So, you guys, if you have not heard of Danette May before, you have to go back and listen to some of the previous episodes because they are so good. And this one is going to be all about relationships, which is one of my absolute favorite topics. It's one of my favorite topics, too, because you and I have really danced in this arena of relationships and friendships and just been able to really dive into this. So I cannot wait to talk about this. So tell me about where this came from. What are we talking about today? Why all the things.

Yeah, thanks. Yeah. Okay, so for all of you who are listening, I. Maybe you're like me, I'm fascinated by relationships and not only just my own personal, like, intimate relationship with my lover, but also my friends. Because I've noticed that if there's anything off in my personal relationships, the ones that my inner circle, it affects everything. It affects my business, it affects how I am as a mom, how I feel in my body. Anybody else agree with that idea? I think that we can all agree with that. Like, it just throws off. And then obviously, like Lori said, said she really became one of the closest people that I allowed into my life at that time. This is like five or six years ago where I was like, hey, I'm ready. Like, what does that look like to have a really powerful friendship? And I've watched my own life go to a whole new trajectory with having, like, friends, not just friends that you're like, oh, let's just banter back and forth. But like, friends that you're like, hey, if I fall I know they've got me, or if I mess up, they got me, or if I'm running into something that feels really sticky, they got me. And that just is a game changer. So I've been fascinated with it, obviously, because relationships encompass my personal life. But as I've evolved and started coaching high level people, the people that you would think have it all, like $100 million, they're doing really well. They speak on stages. They were coming to me under the table asking me to coach them around relationships and around some of them going, you know what? I have all this money, but I don't feel like I'm actually attracting these relationships that just see me for me and I want to be loved for me. And how do I do this Tonight? I'm good at manifesting all these other things, but this is. It's dicey. I'm not getting the right hit. And so I was watching, I was doing this kind of on the side and then hearing girlfriends talk to me or other guy friends and going, wow, this is something that's really big right now. And then I think we all got hit with staying inside with our significant others. And then it would just. I was like, it is time. It is time for me to share this stuff that I have been coaching on that I haven't really shared out in the public.

So. Okay. I feel like I don't even know where to start because it's so many. There are so many layers to relationships. And I think I just want to go back for just a second to where you were before you kind of started manifesting these different relationships in your life. Like how you were feeling, what was showing up for you in your life and your body. Before you felt like you had people you could rely on. Before you felt like maybe you, you know, I know that you have this incredible partner, Craig, like, where were you at before? And then tell me a little bit about what did you follow? Or what were the nudges that you were getting that were letting you know? It was like relationships that needed to.

Man, you're such a good question asker. Because I thought about this a lot because I didn't even know I was doing this work. So my story, for those who don't know it, I had gone through a terrible divorce. I had lost my son. I was in this place where I literally thought my life was not going to amount to anything. I was in financial ruin. I had nobody around me. My family was questioning me, thinking I was crazy. So I didn't have personal friends around me, Even my family was kind of pulling away, kind of, who's Danette? And I was even going, who is Danette? And I'm a single mom. And I remember just doing a lot of research at this time because I had nothing to fall upon. So I would literally learn about the power of our minds and different things that I saw other people do that looked like they were living in the muck of their lives, but then living these brilliant lives. So I just was an experimenter with myself. And it was interesting because I wanted. Not only did I have no money, but I had this dream in my heart. I had this business dream. But I also was like, I would like a partner in life, and I would love a really loving, fabulous partnership that I choose every day. Not one that's based on religion or one that's based on this idea of how marriage has to look, but it's. I choose you. And so I got really clear. I wrote down all the things that I really desired and the things I chose, and I also wrote down my limiting thoughts around it, and then I rewired them. And then I was learning about this deep form of meditation. And it was an ancient meditation that's been able to tap into the alpha and the theta waves. And I started doing this, and I remember it because it makes this really loud sound. I remember being at this wedding in Hawaii. 1. I had to use buddy passes to go to this wedding in Hawaii because I had no money. And I camped with my girls because I had no money to stay in.

A hotel, camping and going to a wedding.

Totally. Showering in the outdoor camp. Shower, getting ready for the wedding. Curlers like spun, no curls, just beach here. This was my reality. And I remember just sitting in the power of Hawaii on the beach because the waves are so loud that I could do this form of meditation. And. And I was doing it, but I thought I was calling in two separate people. A business partner and a relationship. I was seeing it. I was feeling it. And what's interesting to me is. And it's not interesting, it's fabulous. Is that Craig now? Now that we're together? Because I had met him right prior to me going into this deep meditation, he was thinking of me on that exact day. I was doing that meditation, going, oh, my God, I wonder if tonight would be someone to do or have a relationship with. I'm kind of having feelings for her, but I know she came to me for business. And we pieced all this. So this form of meditation and these things that I've Done not only led me to my business partner and to my love partner, but then I started using it for other things, like business things, business ideas, abundance, financially, friendships. And I've just was realizing, oh my gosh, I have something that I have not shared with many people, only my close, close circle or high level clients. So I was like, okay, it's time, like it's time to show people how they can use this power to call in what I call your Soul Contract Connection.

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So tell me, do things like happen fast for you or do some things happen slow? Like everybody's like, okay, if I do this thing, am I going to get this thing? So what has that journey been like of just even timing and like surrender? And what does that actually look like when you start doing this type of work that we're going to. I'm guessing we're going to talk about.

Yeah, you know, this is what I want people to remove themselves from is this idea of time because people get wrapped up in time. Like it has to happen by. Like, if it's a big goal, maybe, maybe it's three years. And I'm like, what if it's six months? Or if you think it's something smaller, you're like, okay, could it happen today or in a week? And I'm like, you know, I don't know. Like, here's the deal. Like your frequency and what you're calling in, there's a perfect timeline for everything. And this is what I know. And so I'm going to get a little out there for people. Is that when you have an idea, something that's planted in your heart or something, it's different than just an idea because it's in your body. Like, you're like. And I know, Laura, you can relate to this. A lot of the things in your life you're like, I know this is right. I know I'm going to step into this. I don't know how, but I know it's right. I'm stepping into it. And what happens is, what I want people to recognize is this is the awareness of what is already trying to come forward. And the only thing stopping it in this time realm is your willingness to actually see it. Because we're just awareness. That's all we are. We are just awareness of. And a lot of times we're just playing with this realm of going, okay, I'm just this human and I have to work this, this and this for this to happen. But actually if you up with the thought and it's in your cells, you just. It's an awareness of. And that's. That timing is just based off you and your willingness to be aware of.

Oh, it's so good. And it's so interesting because as I just look at the timeline of, you know, even how things have that have happened since we both met, it's like just looking back and saying some things felt like they just like. I can't actually believe how fast they manifest. And then other things felt slow. But when I look back, it was all. It's all divine and it was happening exactly as it should. Because there's so many times that we want something and if it would happen right then. It's almost like it doesn't allow time for these other pieces to come in or you wouldn't be able to see it first if certain things didn't happen. And. And like just that deep, deep surrender and trust. So how do you get there? Just want to talk about that real quick before we dive even deeper into relationships.

But how.

So how can we just like get into that. That feeling of just like pure trust and surrender that it's happening as it should.

Yeah. This isn't something like, oh, a step and that you just have to like sit there and close your eyes and just know. I think it's your daily rituals, to be really honest with you. I think we're always looking for this next thing, but we don't realize the journey is actually just happening right now. So when I say that, what I mean is like every day getting yourself into a space of recognizing there's something bigger happening. What does that look like? Nature. Nature for sure. Like, are you getting out and moving your body outside? This is going to be one of the quickest catalysts. The other thing is, are you using your body? Because you are not your body using your body as a vessel, so consuming things that are in a higher frequency. Because when you put yourself in like, let's just say, for example, Because I don't look as food, as bad or good. I look them as frequency. So I love a good croissant, I just love a good croissant. But here's the deal. If I eat a really good chocolate croissant, I'm not usually after I eat it, I'm not really in this frequency that feels really light. I'm more a little heavy because everything moved through the body. So consuming frequency foods like. But let's be real, if you have a green drink, you feel kind of energized. If you have all these superfoods in your system, you feel kind of energized. Really bringing those things into your body every day will put you in a higher frequency and then obviously your mind. So setting your mind up every single day, affirmations, seeing what you're calling in, taking a minute to fill it. What's happening, happening for a lot of people is they're picking up their phones and they're opening up their computers and they're literally going through the same patterns and they're not like stepping out of it and getting into a bigger idea of what is possible, which nature will do. High frequency food, getting off the social following, other people, comparing yourself. So that's what I want to say first is like that these underlying belly things are going to actually put you in that frequency first. And then obviously we have our old paradigming, right? So for me, my last one was, and I actually went to Lori for this way back when. I can't remember how many years it was, but my last hook of abundance was a home, like my home, that felt abundant to me. Like I had a lot of things that were manifesting, but there was something in my past that was holding me from bringing that awareness of a home in. And so I had to do work around it. So if there's an area in your life, if it's your passionate love relationship with the current partner you're with, or maybe, maybe you're single, or maybe it's your health or maybe it's money, you'll know where your rub is. And that is your opportunity to look at the past of where a story could have been formed and how you can rewire it.

Oh, that's so good. It's so powerful for me to look at food like that and just even look at things you're consuming. It's crazy how you can get clear on, okay, what frequency is that? And when you start to realize like, oh, that's going to bring me down, like that is what we're asking for throughout the day. And it's like, if we want to do all of these things and we want to feel so good, and then if we can start, like, putting. It's almost like looking at your nutrition label before you consume it. It's like, okay, how are you going to feel after this? How are you going to be vibrating? What are you going to be thinking? Like, that has been such a game changer for me in terms of what I'm choosing to consume. And I think consumption is not only food, but it's like. Like you said, like, what. What are we listening to? What books are we reading? What are we watching? Who are we around? Like, we have, like, these nutrition labels that we can. We can see it before we do it. So I love, love, love that awareness. Okay, what do you wish more people knew about relationships?

Do I wish that basically, they are a mirror to exactly who you are. So if you are in this idea of, like, I'm not in the right partnership or I'm not, like, this person that I really want to be with, or my partner's, like, doing mad this and you're upset about it, they are your mirror to your greatest work. Because a lot of times people are trying to fix the relationship, like, with a therapist, like, okay, we're going to work on this and this and this. But you're really ultimately going, I wish they would work on this and this and this. And the truth is, like, you get to be a mirror and work on yourself first, and everything outside you will shift once you work on yourself.

I see that all the time. Like, I literally see it in my relationship with Chris all the time. Like, I will get frustrated with him over something, and I'm like, I'm literally getting frustrated with him over something that I know I can control. But it feels so easy to blame him. It's almost like. And I don't have a specific example, but I know I did it even this weekend, because I felt it. Like, it's just. That's what I always try to think of is, like, what is this reflecting in me? Like, sometimes. Oh, here's one. Here's one that I'll give you, Danette, because it's very just, like, tangible and real, and it, like, sets up exactly your kind of what you're talking about. Like, we are working out at home together right now because we were just trained, and not a lot of things are open yet. And that's what people are doing. And I get so irritated with him because he can work out and do his work in the gym. So he'll be on his phone in between sets. And for me, I'm like, I can't. I literally get so distracted by him on his phone. And all it is is for me to say, like, why did. Why is this even affecting you? Like, what he's doing should not even affect you. All have to do is turn and face like the outdoors and get into my own, like, rhythm and whatever that is. And. And, like, because I'm already feeling kind of tired or whatever, I'm like, he's why I can't work out well. He's why I'm not doing good. He is distracting me. This is why I'm not getting a good workout. This is why I haven't felt like I'm in shape lately is because you're working. And I just observe, like, all of these crazy thoughts that I'm, like, not saying to him because I know they're not true, you know? And every part of me wants to be like, get off your stupid phone. I can't. But I just am observing how that rises up, and I can, like, kind of take ownership around that. So. So help me with that. Danette, what do you think?

Well, the first ownership I thought was, like, I've totally done this. In other realms, you're not feel. So the biggest trigger is you aren't feeling like you're in your prime shape. So that's why. Hence why you're working out. And. And you have a story that if you're talking on your phone, you are not focused. You are not working out very hard because you have breath left to have a conversation between sets. And you are out hard enough. So he's a mirror to this feeling of, like, I'm not where I want to be. And he's just like, like, sirening it because he has breath to have a conversation. What I recommend, obviously, that's the very deeper, like, essence part, where you can look at that and go, okay, where can I take deeper ownership of my health? And then the second one, I would be like, you know what? He has a totally different working style than me. Me, I'm not working out with him unless we have an agreement that we're working out together. And there's not a third person through the phone involved in this, because then you would just pick a different workout time, and it wouldn't even bother you.

It's so true. I think there's. So what is something like that for you that you notice? Like, what's a big mirror for you in One of your relationships right now that keeps coming up for you?

Oh, I have two. And the first one is like, I get really. Like. I'm a passionate person. I like to like juice life, and.

I like you guys. She does. I love. That's why I love talking to you. Is like, we can't. It can't be like, oh, what'd you have for lunch? It's like, how have you. Like, what do you feel the meaning of life is right now?

But it's.

It's even better than that. That's why I love it.

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Okay. Yeah. So I. If I'm not taking ownership for the passion in my life and like seeking out things that are new and adventurous, I will actually get frustrated in our relationship and think that our passion is low or that he's boring. And it's not even true. Because the truth is, like, if I went out and tried a new class or I went and met a new friend, or I came up with a new idea that gets me excited, I wouldn't even be worrying about that. I would actually be a magnet to creating that more in our relationship. But instead, I will harp on them because him. Because then it's like, oh, that's just really. The bigger reason is I'm not feeling passion and juicing life in all the other areas. So I do that. And then I also noticed this one, which is super sneaky. So if I'm Feeling and I don't even realize I'm doing it now. I've learned. But when I feel like that I'm not very pretty or I feel like I'm not looking good, I like notice all the things that I think don't look good on hair. Him, like, I'm like, your hair? He's like, I'm like, oh. I realize that I've nitpicked him because truly I'm nitpicking myself, right? And it's rare because I don't feel this very often, but I've noticed like the times when I nitpick him, I'm like, oh, I'm feeling low self esteem for myself, so I'm attacking him.

Oh, I. Yeah. Oh my God. So guilty of that. Like, even, you know, I feel like Chris and I have bonded over just like, you know, getting in shape or we felt like we were, you know, chubby kids or whatever that is. So sometimes, like, I'll be like, hey, you know, you haven't. I don't necessarily say this to him, but I'm like, hey, we need to get back on our workout game together. Like, and it's about me. It's never about him. Like, it's always just like me telling him what he needs to be doing, like in his routines. And he's just like, I'm good, Lori. And I'm like, no, you're not. Because I'm not.

So I'm not. So therefore you're not.

So this is how this works. Okay? So if you were going to, like, when you started thinking about creating this relationship program, like, what is it about? What are your favorite topics? Like, what are the things that you really loved to, like, help people with?

Yeah, so the biggest reason that I felt called to this is because. Because right now more than ever, I feel that humanity, like everyone needs to step into their purpose. And their purpose may just be loving themselves more or their purpose may be just being more present to life and to their children. So when I say purpose, I don't want people to go off on this tangent that I've got to have a million this and I've got to create a business or whatever. Purpose is mostly presence and love. And I'm feeling now with everything that's been going on in the world that people need to own that they are here for a reason. Right. And I'm watching with that caveat that we are all here for a reason, that we are yoking literally, like in relationship, because I'm talking about intimate relationships right now. The ones that you choose to go to sleep next to, that you're exchanging energy all night with and all day with, you're yoking with somebody. Now what I'm finding is that this person you've yoked with is either taking you in your soul's contract that you are here to do and help catch catapulting you there, or is a massive distraction and I don't find any in between interesting. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, these relationships that we decide to yoke to are so important for us to live out our purpose on this planet. And we know this, we see this and they call them, you know, couple goals or like boss couples or whatever. And it's like, no, it's because they decided to yoke and they are helping each other in their souls calling. And that's what I want for people is I believe that these. And I don't think there's just one person for someone for the rest of their life. But it's like who you decide to yoke up with is so important for your soul's evolution. And so to be very, very conscious of this decision of how you're attracting it, the communication you have with the one you're choosing that you feel is a souls person so that you're staying in the loop of moving towards your soul contract.

So how do you know the difference? Maybe some people are like, oh my God, what if I'm not with the right person? How do you know the difference between. Or what can we feel into between? Like what if this. You know, I'm not really feeling it with my partner right now. Like maybe we're kind of going on separate paths. But I thought this was the person. Like how can you tell if you guys just need to get back on the same path or realigned or if it's like, eh, not really sure. Maybe I'm supposed to go a different route.

Right. And that's the thing, that's the part of the work that I've given a lot of people in this program that I created is because one, there's a lot of pointing outside of you. You can be frustrated with a partner. We just mentioned Laurie and I just mentioned things that we get frustrated with our partners. But always going back and going wait and looking at yourself because that's going to help realign you quicker than like you sitting down be like, you did this and it annoys me and that's part of it. But it's not the main. The base. Right. The basis is like you owning Owning the wounding that you've had from a long time ago. Owning it and understanding it and seeing where it comes up. Because what's going to happen when you do all of these. This, like, daily work that I'm going to give people, and it's not, like, grueling, but it is important to do daily work. It's either going to align you with that person or it's going to move you away. And I recommend both people do it, because the truth is, when you get yourself set up in doing certain rituals every day, you're more aligned. Right. So. So those relationships that do that tend to grow together or they move apart, but it's amicable and it's okay if they move apart. But most of the time, we're just getting caught up in pointing fingers and not doing the deeper work.

So can you share some of the things that you give them for work?

Yeah, well, there's journal prompts every morning, and these are things that I personally do, too. It's like really looking at who I'm going to be during the day, how I'm going to show up. Is there any triggers that I need to look at? Because your trigger triggers. When I say a trigger, it's like an annoyance or something that bumps against you that you witness outside of you. So, for example, people get, like, in my coaching, people get massively triggered if they hear about someone cheating, like a guy cheating on a woman. And I'm like, whoa, let's look at this. Because why do you even care that some woman you don't even know got cheated on? Like, where's this trigger from? And it's really this feeling of abandonment. It's these feelings of, like, what if I'm not enough? Right? So you're going to do a little bit of, like, serving you love in these feelings that are part of all of us, right? And it's like, so you do these little daily works every day. And then there's also deeper assignments, like really writing out and claiming. So Laurie just mentioned to me, which is in Business Realm, and we won't say it, but she was like, everything I wrote out, Jeanette, like, is happening. Because that's how this works. So you write out in detail what kind of relationship you're cultivating, what kind of relationship do you see? And when you do this, and when you see it, you start moving towards it. So these are some of the things. And then there's subconscious programming that we're going to be doing. So a lot of hypnosis and subconscious. So that you're clearing stuff that you don't even realize you need to clear so that you're better in alignment, you're making decisions. And when you do all of that, it will become even more clear to you if this is the right relationship. Relationship or if this is not, or we need to move on.

Okay, so when I. So good. So when I think about relationships, I think that a lot of the things that we do just. It's just like in life, like, we spend a lot of our time trying to avoid pain, so we stay in, like, fear. Like, a lot of the things that we do or the things that we, you know, we're either, like, trying to move away from fear, like, saying, like, just everything is trying to resist the fear of what could happen, whether that's cheating or fighting or finding out your partner, whether it's not even physically cheating, is emotionally cheating on you on Instagram or whatever that looks like. How do we. Number one, I have two questions. How can we kind of stay out of that fear and not necessarily worry about it? And then number two, if it does happen, how do we be okay or have the tools or move the. Through that?

Yeah, yeah. These are big ones because these are not just this lifetime fear, I don't believe. I think that, you know, you might have heard something from your ancestors or there's things that you're aware of. And so it creates this fear, even though it's not even happening to you, right. And you feel like, these emotions with it. Here. Here's the bigger thing is this is the work that I do is I go. Because I have fear of abandonment with more girlfriends than I do with my love partner. With men, same. For whatever reason, women are a harder, harder one for me that there's a fear there. And so I have to look at that and go, so I'm giving you guys. I'm going to just be vulnerable. So people can kind of break down their own in the story. But it's like, okay, I don't really have this fear of abandonment with. With men very often. And my husband. I have it more with, like, tight girlfriends. Right. Or, like, are they really. Do they really got me? Are they going to say something bad about me if I'm not there? Are they going to be there in the highs and the lows? Like, you know, I think Lori gets it. That's why we bonded over. We bonded over this exact, exact.

I'm like, you're talking to me right now? Yes.

Yeah. So this is a fear. So what happens? Okay, you have this fear. So what happens, everyone? This is what happens. We will become and we will attract what we fear. We'll also attract what we see and the vibration that we hold. Because fear and joy are all a vibration. A lot of times people think that, oh, you attract when you feel really good. And it's like, oh, you attract when you feel really bad, too. So it's like, for me, I'm like, okay, these are my fears. This is like deeper wounding from somewhere, right? I don't know where this came from, but it came from somewhere. I'm going to look at that. So what is when I break it down, what is it? Abandonment, okay? When I break it down, it's judgment. When I break it down, it's, I might be alone when I break it. Like, I break it down, break it down, break it down, right? So then I list those down on piece of paper. So when I'm. When I'm telling you guys this, I literally write this stuff down. I ask the question, where is this coming from? What's the deeper feeling behind it? I wrote them down. Then I broke them down even more into one words. Okay? Abandonment, being alone, not being seen, judged. And then what you're going to do is on the opposite of that, you're going to write like, okay, if I was judged, let's say I'll just talk Lori and I. If Lori leaves me, if Lori chooses not to be my friend and never talk to me again, am I okay? And I ask those questions, am I okay? And I ask, is it true? Is it true that Lori's going to abandon me and never talk to me again? It's unlikely. But let's say. I say, well, it could happen. Okay, Am I safe? Am I okay as a human being? If this were to be the path that went down and you have to get there, you have to keep going, and then you're going to write because maybe you're like, I don't know if I'm okay, actually, this is really going to hurt. This makes me even more scared because sometimes when we unlayer, it gets even scarier. But then on the other end, it's like, I am connected, right? I'm going to write the affirmatives of all the things I'm afraid. I am connected. I am a good friend. I am surrounded by great friends. I am seen, right? You know, I am supported. I am safe, all the things. And every day I actually work on it. So if I notice this fear keeps bubbling up, then I continue to do that deeper work where I go I am safe. And I just. Working through the affirmations of it, try to let myself feel it, because ultimately. And then I also think about an instance where maybe someone did leave me. Am I safe today? Actually, I am. Like, say, like, someone did hurt you in your past. You're still safe. Like, you're good, you know, and there are people that are coming in to show you otherwise.

Let's talk about that for one second, too. Just the relationships that have kind of been removed from your life that did not feel like you wanted them removed. Like, it felt more like someone was pulling off a fingernail and it was like, leaving in a really bad way. And it's not what you expected. It's not what you wanted. You wouldn't worship, like, wish this upon your worst enemy. Like, what. What is that?

Help me.

I know you can see it now. I know we've both had instances like that, but for anyone who's in it right now, what's maybe some work or solace that they can lean.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't. And this is just my belief, and everyone can have their own. But I don't actually think it's just from this lifetime. And I feel that there's. Whether it's another lifetime or I actually believe we're connected to everyone. So guaranteed someone in your ancestral line, in your bloodline, had massive deception or someone really hurt them, Right? So we're carrying all that through our blood and through our DNA. So when this happens, it can feel like. Like you said, like a N being ripped off, like, knife to the stomach. People will say that, like, you can't catch your breath. And it's important for you to just recognize it in your body. Where is this? In my body. Okay. And then just noticing it and giving it attention, being like, okay, I love you. I love. I have a. I feel like a knife's going in my stomach. And I love that. And I love myself. And I'm. And I'm safe ultimately, because there is no knife going in your stomach. But it's. It's like giving awareness to it, but then also just knowing, like, this is. This is easier for me to say than it is for people to really, actually embody. But I've gotten there in my life is like, I know, and I know everyone that's listening and you, Lori, everyone is divinely connected. We are not from here. And if that is true, true, then everything that's happening, what we think is to us, is happening for us. Right? And we hear these slogans, we hear these Things. But all I can say to anyone is like, if you are feeling all of this, like have you done the things where you're eating high frequency food, are you getting out in nature, are you praying, are you visualizing, are you connecting to a higher power than yourself? Because when you do all of that other other BS becomes a lot easier and you actually start to attract only really kind people. All the other ones just move away. I don't have time at all for anyone that's mean or rude or has ulterior motives. I can smell it a mile away and I have no interest in it. And I, and I can just move it out really quick. I might feel it for a minute, but I can move it out within an hour or two.

So how do you do that? What are the things that you're saying in your mind that you're moving it out, you're moving it it through?

Yeah.

So stuck, like it can get real stuck.

Yeah. So let's, let's like the deeper ones get stuck. Let's like, let's say a lover or a best friend, those ones are stickier, right? That's going to take possibly a little bit longer. Once again, no story on time, but it's going to. But let's just say you're meeting up with a new group of girlfriends or guy friends or maybe it's a new date and you went out for three dates. Because to me there's no difference between you going on a love romantic date for three times or a week or two months or three months versus a group of girlfriends that you're starting to cultivate this friendship with. Right. And let's just start saying that you start to. Because I know that the intuition's already coming. It's already talking to you whether you're choosing to listen to it or not. So that's why I say do the deeper work. And that's why I have the program do the deeper work. Because if you haven't healed your wounding, you're going to attract someone to show you that wounding. If you wonder about having true girlfriends, I've done this so many times, I'm going to attract somebody who has ulterior motives. If I worry about someone using me, I'm going to attract someone to use me. It's just how it is. Like I'm an energetic core to. It's my fault, not their fault. So you have to heal and clean that up. You got to clean that up. So if you are like. Or let's talk about men for a minute. If you're like, I always get cheated on. Like, I always find guys that cheat on me or not fully honest.

Mm.

You gotta clear up within your system this feeling of being lied to or been cheating on. And I. I'm gonna tell you that if you haven't cleared it up, you're gonna attract more of it. You just will. So you clear it up through the daily work that I just talked about, where you write things out, where you look at it, where you rewrite the story. You do the subconscious work. Um, so, honestly, like, those. Those smaller ones that I was talking about with the, like, girlfriends, where you're just like. Or the boy that you've dated for three months. It's like, notice the fl. Honor your intuition. Be doing the daily work every day of clearing your energy system. And they will either move out, which feels kind of icky, but they'll move out. They just will. They'll stop at giving you attention, or you'll see something, and it'll be easier for you to detach. But that's the universe working for you.

Danette, how do you not make it? Because I love this, and I believe it, and it's kind of like the work that I do so much of is like. Like, I don't want to make people bad for them not being the right people for my, like, journey. So how do you.

Maybe if.

You know, let's talk about just even male, female relationships, you know, any sort of partnership.

What? Any.

Any type of, like, romantic relationship, like friendship, whatever. Let's talk. All ships.

All ships.

All ships are floating right now. Every type of relationship.

Yep.

How do we let it be okay to have these relationships that are meant for different periods of time, that are just maybe meant for the moment? Or maybe we have these girl groups who were just meant for the week or were meant for our whole life. How do we get okay with that? Because I feel like it was ingrained in me. I don't know where it came from. If I meet someone and we hit it off, we're meant to be friends forever. And then it feels like this really heavy thing to have to have all of these friendships that you keep up and then feel this. Their relationship. Like, wait, me and this guy had this great, you know, night? Like, what happened? We're supposed to be together forever. So tell me a little bit about that.

Well, I feel like that might be why we're kindred friends. Because I feel that, too. Because I'm like, oh, I go so deep in my heart. But then I have to remember so I have this quote. I was just going to see if I could find it. Okay. When we think of meant to be, so meant to be, we're both meant.

To be best friends forever.

We're meant to be lovers forever. We're meant to be business partners forever. Right? All the ships, we automatically assume forever. But maybe it isn't supposed to last forever. Maybe it's just someone who is in your life to teach you something. Maybe the forever is not the person, but what we gain from them.

Oh, that's amazing. I'm gonna cry. That's so beautiful.

Yeah, because every like. Oh, I get chills too, because we're taught this. This is not Jeanette's teachings. This is the teaching that I tried to straddle myself. Present moment's all we have. Present moments, all we have. So every person we encounter in the present moment is that gift. And what we take from that moment with that human is the forever. The person doesn't have to be forever. And this frees us all up because there's so much ownership I'm watching in relationships. You're my business partner, so you always have to be. You're my wife or my husband, so you always have to be. You're my best friend since eighth grade, so you always have to be. But we're evolving humans. And can we love people in all of it, even if their ship decides to go this way and our ship's going this way and just be like, I love you because I'm taking all of those memories forever and all the lessons forever. Thank you.

Oh, I need to get that from you. That was so beautiful. And it just put it in a really, like, visceral way so that we could see what we're getting from that. And I'll tell you, I think the one relationship that we're learning so much from is Chris's dad had passed in June. And I'm just watching the attachment and how Chris and I both, we just had a conversation about this. We had like a three hour hour drive home from Sedona on Saturday and we talked a lot about this about like, you know, after you lose someone, you feel like you. Like we would say things like, wow, I wonder if it'll. We'll ever feel complete again or will we ever have fun again. And like, oh my gosh, I feel like that's such a void and there's so much lack. And we find that if we go down that road, like we're sad and we feel super incomplete and, and we feel like we'll never like, have this good feeling again. And when we switch it to what he left us and maybe why he left us with that and how we can implement that and what his life meant to us and how we can make it mean something moving forward, it's like all of a sudden we go from feeling super low or sad or whatever that like this feeling like we're never going to experience joy again into like, wow, maybe that really meant something. Maybe this where we are meant to take this, like, this is what we've gained from this. Let's give this gift and like pay it forward to these two different people. And what a beautiful lesson. And I know that that's a lesson from someone who was freaking amazing and passed away, but I also were able to look at that from these relationships that, you know, maybe didn't end in the way that we wanted. We had, we had one business partnership in our network marketing company that just ended in a really shitty way. Like, it was not good, it was bad. Like, it was ugly. And now I. It was like, just really bad. So I can look back on that now and even be grateful for how it ended because of what it just showed me taught me while we were two people with just a lot of unhealed things. And, you know, I can really dig into that one deeper. Obviously I don't want to super go there right now, but I think it's like, how do you look? How can we, like, how do you Danette actually, like, take those and make them tangibly something that helps move you forward instead of becoming an.

Yeah, and I actually just take other people's stories. So it was interesting when you were telling me about Chris's dad. Like, it makes me tear up, but I like, I saw him like holding like this torch and he's like, I'm handing you the torch. And it's your turn to make the fun. Your turn to make sure that the relationships you have around you are genuine. Because he's probably was all about that. Is your turn turn to like lighten it or to make the jokes or to create the adventure. It's your turn. And he's like passing on the torch. And I sense that that torch even gets passed on. That's obviously a beautiful relationship. And so those ones feel a little easier to grab that torch and to like, okay, I will do it. I'll do it, dad. I'll be that torch light for you and live life through you, you know, through your light. And I'll take it all on. But these other ones that Feel a little mucky, and I'll just speak openly like my ex, you know, like, that relationship, because it didn't end well doesn't mean there weren't many torch moments for me to grab that torch and go, hey, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for. I'm even grateful for the pain now because it showed me so many other things. And that is the forever. That's the thing I get to pass on and take it with myself. I'm a little bit more wise, I'm a little bit more aware. I'm a little bit more compassionate. I'm a little bit. All the things that I get to be through that relationship that ended in any realm, however, ends.

That is so beautiful. And it's. It's so true. That was just like such a great image for me, just passing the torch. Because it's funny, after he passed, like, he took. I don't know if you, like, you may know this about him, you may not, but he, like, was so obnoxious with photos. Like, it would be every moment. And when you weren't like this morning when you just, like, just. You looked, it was always worst as well. And it would be the most weird photos too, because it was every moment there were photos being taken. And when he passed away, we were like, oh, we all have to start taking annoying photos at all times. And we just. We loved it. And we all stepped into it, and we keep taking all these pictures and we're like, hold on, Go take a picture. And it's been like, such a gift. And there's so much, like, humor around that and so much fun. And it's like little things like that that just, like, carry on. And we've all kind of stepped into that, like, seizing the moment. Like, we realized that he was doing it. He was just, like, so, like, obsessed with every moment that he wanted to, like, remember it in his phone. Like, when we would go back and look at his phone, we're like, look at all these horrible pictures of all of us. Like, look at how he really, like, saw us. And that was the coolest thing I think, ever to see.

Wow, that's cool. I did not know that. I love.

He was just the best. So with that said, when it comes to relationships, I know that they are like, your greatest. Like, tell me some of the greatest teaching moments that really, relationships have taught you. Like, just what's something that you are so deeply grateful for? Maybe one really great thing and one. One painful thing.

Yeah, so the painful one that I. I want to bring up because I think it's going to happen for most people in their lifetime. So I had a really dear close friend that I would have said, like, I would have. I looked at, like my intimate partner, right? Like, this is my first. Just stop talking to me. And it was excruciating for me, but I'm now really grateful for it and can send complete love. Because now I'm like. Because that was a deep fear of mine. I see how I attracted it. It was a deep fear of mine. So therefore, now I get to say. And now I get to really feel into. I'm okay. And there are many relationships in my life where I know that's not going to happen because I've had the opportunity to actually heal things that I actually think I attracted. So I feel that I'm not going to have that same experience which I'm grateful for. That's one. And then another thing about relationships, you know, it is there's two. One, that concept that, you know, some are short, some are a little longer, and some are forever. As far as timelines and okay with all of it and grateful for all of the different timelines of the duration and just grateful for those moments, for those forever memories or the forever knowledge of whatever I received with that stranger or the person I love deeply or whatever. And then the other one is that, you know, I have this visual in my mind. I was out in the ocean. And actually Lindsay was happened to be there in Anahata. And, you know, we were out in the middle of nowhere in the ocean. Like, the middle of nowhere in the ocean. And I'm, like, laying on my back and I'm trying to just have this moment of just taking in and surrendering to the ocean. And I think it was. I don't know who it was, Lindsay or Anahata. They literally, like, were laying out, doing the same thing. And then they hooked my foot with their foot. So I was sprayed out. They were splayed out. But I had this, like, deep internal wisdom seep through me. I was like, when you link with someone, it allows you to surrender deeper and let you see the beauty from a new angle. But you've got to anchor in. You're more powerful with others than you are by yourself. And the power wasn't in what I could do, but the power was in how much I could surrender. I was like, dang.

Oh, it's so good. One just really hit me. Oh, my God.

Yeah. The power that comes for all of us is in how much we can Surrender. And you can surrender deeper when you link. Wow. And so great. Grateful.

Oh, wow. Letting that one sink in. Sorry. That's like a moment. Wow, that is so beautiful. I have felt that. Like, I have felt that, and now that I, like, have heard it, and, like, now that you have put it into words, I feel like I can grab onto that. Those are those moments where, you know when you just get. You'll get a thought or a vision, and that literally just hit for me so clearly, like, that. That is where you become you. That is where you become connected. That's what we're striving for. And we don't get it. We don't understand that. Wow.

We think we're striving for the stage. We think we're striving for the product. We think we're striving for the business. We think we're striving for money. We think we're striving. But the truth is we're all striving for the deep, deep surrender into the deep knowing of who we are in that.

In that. Linking, like, with all of those. With people, those. Those beautiful connections like that allow that. Oh, so good. What is something that is coming up.

For you right now, coming up.

Maybe in last, last thoughts here.

Oh, I don't know. Just so grateful for you, ultimately, like, truly, like, what an example you've been of really understanding how to cultivate friendships, where your boundaries are. I've watched you as you brought a lot of people in and then understood where your boundaries are. I've watched you go after big dreams and things where you want to impact people, and you're still in it, and you stay in it and you dance with all of these different realms. And it's such a beautiful thing for me to watch even before the stuff you're in right now. I watched you just name things one after another. I would like to experience this, bringing this into awareness, and you would bring it into your awareness and bring it. And it was. It's been such a joy to watch ultimately, because when I get to watch it, I get to learn and I get to go, oh, this is possible. It's so beautiful.

Well, I love you, and I. Anytime I can get to talk to you and get into these conversations, which I'm desiring more of right now. And I just want to say thank you for the. You know, you have been that person for me. That was just the space to, like, have the uncomfortable conversations of, like, I'm feeling like, you know, as we get closer, like, I'm feeling like I could be abandoned or here's what's coming up.

Or here's what.

And that has been so powerful for me. Like, I will never forget just the experience with you and Lindsay where we were sitting cross legged, like together and almost like a triangle. And it was just being able to say things that I have never said to people before and know that, you know, when it was done. Normally I have these feelings that of just like, that's where it comes up. Right. Like you. We can all experience like these. Oh, that was. I felt so deeply connected. Like we can create that. But what happens afterward when you, you know, when the feelings of like vulnerability, hangover and just like, oh my God, are they going to use that against me? Are they going to all of these things? And I feel like I. You are the people, and especially you who I've gotten to really work through a lot of those fears with, of talking about the hard things and saying how I actually feel and saying how vulnerable I feel. And all of, all of that is the hard work. It's not the easy conversations to have. And I'm so grateful for you coming and like showing your vulnerability in so many of our conversations. Like, hey, this is how I'm feeling today. And I know this might be made up, but I just have to say it. And I think that's how I can truly say that these friendships and the friendship with you is where I got to get through it, is where I was able to heal it. And again, just this whole podcast, you guys healing it together with those people who are on that journey with you. That's where you link up. That's where you can surrender. That's where you can become the person like that you are meant to be here to be and be in that purpose, which you know is. That's your whole thing like when we find that purpose, whatever that purpose is. So I'm so grateful for you. I love you more than I could say. Where can they, where can they find this work? Where can we get info on the relationship program?

Yeah, so I'm going to give Lori a link because I don't have it right now.

Perfect.

In the show notes for you because it's a small window to sign up for this relationship program. If you are wanting to drop deeper and to actually connect with your soul, contract people in your life, then yeah.

This program is for you and you guys. We are releasing this right around the time where you probably just have maybe a week or less to. To sign up for this. So go and check it out right now if you're listening to this podcast, like you actually need to look at it today because there may not be a lot of time left. So truly, relationships are, I think they're the biggest, most important thing in your life. And something that you can do for Danette is to let her know what your biggest takeaway was when you upload this to your story. So give her a tag and let her know if you had an aha moment. A big takeaway. Danette, what's your Instagram?

Yeah, it's just the Danette May.

So you can take the Danette May and let her know what your biggest takeaway was. And definitely go to the link and sign up for that if you are feeling called to this. So you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Sa.