731. Q&A: Balance & Self-Worth

So if you're in a circle right now of people who are like, if you had a lot of limiting beliefs and you're starting to break out, if this is new, it probably means that the people in your circle still all have those limiting beliefs, which is going to keep them from trying something new.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere, from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multi millionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not.

Alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing.

We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much, so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you, and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that.

Give women a platform.

I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

Evans. Welcome back to Questionably awesome where you are, my incredible co host who's having a great day. I hear it's a really great day here.

I feel fabulous. How do you feel?

You know, I feel really fabulous too. Chris has been traveling. He was gone for like two weeks and he's finally home. So that's super nice because I gave him the leash to walk the dog today to get pulled. So that was like. You know, when they're, they're back, you're like. And you say things like, you've been gone for two weeks. It's your turn. And, like, I'm like, wait, this. I should probably be like, yay, you're home. And I did. I did all of those things too. And, like, extra hugs and all the stuff. But I also did hand the leash over. And also when bananas jumped on the countertop, I was like, you deal with it. It's in your court now.

I totally do that.

Then I was like, oh, my God, who am I? How did this happen?

You're a human.

Yeah, I'm a human. And I'm like, yeah. But he was also kind of working hard on the road, getting his mom home, and then coming back and managing an rv. And that's actually a lot of work. But we're just like, you were on vacation, you know?

Yeah. Like, I don't be going on a work trip. I'm like, where have you been?

Yeah. How was the vacation? I hope it was great. Cause here's your to do list. But it makes you realize how grateful you are for them. Like, it's not. It's definitely just not as fun without them. So super grateful. Having a great day over here. Moving a lot of light, light pink things forward. Um, and. And I'm in this place where, like, light pink is going so well, but I'm also hitting, like, lots of bumps in the road. But I'm observing how I'm responding. I'm not reacting. I'm just like, great. This is called being an entrepreneur. It's another problem. Let's solve it. So I'm really just proud of myself this week because there were a lot of things that I feel like could have thrown me off, and I'm like, nope, let's solve it. If you got a problem, I'll solve.

It if you got a problem. Also, your reels have been amazing lately.

Well, thank you. But now I got really busy, and I'm kind of like, oh, my reels are going down the drain. So real quick, no punishment.

Well, I'm really excited that you're proud of yourself, because you should be proud of yourself.

Thank you. And it feels really good to be proud of yourself. I think it's important that we all take a little bit of time to be like, what have I done that's good lately? Even if the best thing you've done is resist the second bag of chips, you know?

Yes.

That's still.

Look, I've had weeks where that is still progress, where you're like, well, it wasn't last week, and that's Better.

Same. This week is so much better, batter. See, I'm even thinking about chips. But it's so much better this week in.

So tell me why your week is great. I know you shared a little bit about it, but I think it's important for people to hear what has shifted for you because I know that you were also going through a bit of like a. Just a lull. Just a lull in energy.

Yes. And I was telling you that I've been a lot more social this last week and I've signed myself up for a bunch more stuff.

Like what?

Well, I joined this. They have them in, like every city, but there's this thing called Junior League, and it used to sound, like, really snooty and stuff, but it's not like that anymore. And it's a organization of women. And you can volunteer and you can take classes and all these great things. Oh, my gosh.

Fun.

It's so much fun. So I signed up for that. And when I moved here and we've just finally had in person things now. And it has been so nice to meet and connect with people and just like, see real humans. And I've been sometimes you. We were talking about how you can get to be such a little hermit, and then I started to feel really sad and by myself and lonely. Whoo.

Yeah. I think, like, there were so many great things about this last year, but then I think there were so many things about, like, the interaction part where we didn't realize how good that was for the soul to just, like, be with people. And Evans and I had an observation as well. Like, I think. And I don't want to speak for you, so I'll just speak for myself. Like sometimes I can say, like, oh, I need more alone time, or I'm. I'm so much better off when I get more alone time. And then sometimes I get it and I'm not super happy. I'm like, oh, I'm really lonely, but I don't want to be with people. It's like a weird place. I'm lonely, but I don't want to be with people. And it's the so effed up. But I've had these moments now where I'm realizing, like, the more. And it doesn't make anyone bad that you've been around that have maybe drained you. It just makes them not the right people for you. I've had moments where I'm like, oh, when I'm around these people, I never feel like it's too much like, yeah, I Don't want to be with people every single weekend. But I'm finding that I enjoy being with people more often than not. I'm like, oh, actually having like one dinner planned a weekend or something like that has been nice. Just one thing, like one little thing with the right, right people. And it's not that people are wrong for you. I don't want to. And honestly, I guess sometimes that is the case, like if they're just the wrong energy. But it's that sometimes maybe you're just in different paths in life and you need to find the people who are going to recharge you and are an energetic match for you. And that takes time and that's challenging. And it also means you have to say no to all of the people who have been draining you. And again, draining can just mean the wrong energy for you if you're not finding common ground and if you're having trouble connecting, like, it's probably. Probably because you're just forcing it. So, June, what would you like to say on the podcast? June's like, exactly. June's over there, like, literally, amen.

She definitely gave a huge amen to that.

Is June an introvert or an extrovert?

Oh, I think she's a huge extrovert.

Yeah. Bananas is a total extrovert. Waffle started as an. As an extrovert and just ended as the world's largest introvert. Like, she wanted to be around her people, but she was like, I hate dogs. I miss Waffles. Don't mind. I know. She was just. She was just her own woman. She was. She was. So you guys, Waffles was my golden doodle who was like 14 who turned. I think she passed when she was like almost 14 or 14. And she literally was like an 80 year old smoker was her voice and she was. She. You could not. She was her own person. She did not stray from being her own person. She didn't care if she offended you. She was 1 million percent going to do whatever she wanted to do and did not take your feelings into consideration.

So I love her personality. I want to be like her queen.

Waffles was literally. I feel like we can all adopt a little piece of her. Like, it's just. She was amazing. All right. Do you have a quote, Evans?

Yes, it's from Tina Fey. Tina.

So great.

Tina. Tina says say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.

Amen. Story of my life. Literally. What are you saying yes to right now that you're figuring out as you go?

Making friends and writing words.

Ooh, I feel like that's. You need a T shirt that just says, making friends and writing words. Do you know how many good conversations would come out of that? They'd be like, me too.

Same, same.

Gotta make that shirt for you. Okay, my quote is, growth is painful. Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong. And that is from Narena Murthy. Might have said that wrong, but good. Yeah. Yep, I feel that. I feel that deeply. So do you have a review?

Oh, yeah, it's really good. It's from the Doom Doctor.

Whoa.

Yeah. All right.

I just. I don't know what to say about that. I kind of. I'm like, oh, is she fixing it?

I don't know.

I think the fixer of doom. Okay. I wasn't sure if it was like, I'm the Doom Doctor.

I'm gonna bring doom to you. Okay, Sorry.

Got it.

Okay. Lori inspired me to start my business, Law of Attraction Tribe. Oh, there we go.

Oh, that's good.

Lori is so motivating and always seems to know exactly what obstacle I'm trying to overcome and gives advice to get me over the hurdle. Whether you're an entrepreneur or not, you will feel inspired and energized after each episode.

Oh, I love that so much, Doom Doctor. And thanks. Thanks you for fixing doom. And also, I love the name of your business. That's amazing.

Me too.

I'm always so grateful for the people who leave reviews because it reminds us that someone's listening, so it really does.

And, you know, I use all the. I look at reviews and I use stuff like Yelp all the time, but I don't ever leave a review, and that's rude.

We have to get better at that. So I've been. I've only been doing it since I've had a podcast, and I understand how important they are now. I'm like, oh, these are really important. I think we've talked about that before, but it's like the RSVP to a wedding. You don't realize how important they are until you have a wedding. And you're like, these mother effers aren't RSVPing. You're like, look, am I gonna pay for your food or not? Like, this is a big deal. Like, you can't just be like, maybe I'll go, that sounds fun. And then not show up and be like, first of all, it makes me look like I have no friends with your two empty seats and your names. Like, I'm Gonna make up a story that someone passed away in your family and you had an emergency. Okay, I'm going to make up a lie about this to make myself feel better.

Look, am I going to pay for your food or not?

That's really what we're thinking. You're like, I went with the expensive food for you and you can't even give me the time of day to be, like, serious. Am I coming or not? Rsvp. Rsvp. Don't make me buy some. What is it called when you're supposed to buy those little weird gifts for your.

Oh, like the takeaway things?

Or like. Yeah, what do you call those? Oh, yeah. Wedding favor. Those are such a crock, by the way. No offense to anybody, but I was literally like, here's the problem. You can't spend enough money on the favor to get a nice favor. So it's kind of like a Fae. It just should. Or a ver. Like, I got you a ver. Because I didn't have, like, when I got married, I did not have enough money to buy anything for anyone. Except for, like, look, you're getting a fortune cookie.

Which are nice. I love fortune cookies.

Totally nice. But also, you feel a lot of pressure to be like, I feel like I'm supposed to buy. Buy them a dove and a goldendoodle. And I just. I could not. I can't. It was tough. I wanted to buy people bracelets and give them something nice. And the thing is, is, like, people would get up from the table and they left the chocolate truffle that my mother helped me make in the beautiful triangle that I had to fold by myself and put the ribbon on.

And you made the truffles?

Well, my mother made the truffles because I was like, can we at least, like, get something nice for them? So she made truffles. I bought the. I bought triangle. Really cute containers. So the triangles themselves cost me. Who knows what. It's so funny that I'm talking about cost, because now I'm like, great abundance. But at the time, this was so serious for me. I was like, you don't understand. And they would just get up without taking their favor. And I was like, should I be that bride that chases them out? Like, hey, you left your triangle truffle at the table.

But those things add up. They did.

I was like, okay. So I could either get. Here's the problem. You're like, I could either get a nicer dress or better flowers, or I can buy everyone a fricking truffle. They're going to leave on the table. And it's like, it's so important to have a favor. And you're like, says who? So I hope that every bride is breaking that tradition and just says, you're not getting a favor because I got you better champagne or food or a better dress for you to look at on me.

Amen. Do whatever you want for your wedding. It doesn't matter.

I hope that this whole thing was just freedom for you to do whatever you want. And if you are a guest who likes favors, I hope you're not too upset and your feathers aren't too ruffled. But at the same time, it's like, let the bride do her.

Yeah, let her do big favors. That's fine.

I just think there's so many things about traditional weddings that like, we should now be breaking because that money can go to a better place.

There's so many different things.

Yeah.

Or I like your idea of goldendoodles. Everyone getting a golden doodle.

Yeah, they would love you for that. Like really busy people would love if they all left with a puppy. So.

Do you want a question?

I would love a question. Let's give the people what they want.

All right.

This one comes from Erin Kennedy. Great name, Erin Kennedy.

I feel like she sounds like a newscaster.

Yeah. She's like, this is Erin Kennedy. Okay.

Tonight, Live with Erin Kennedy.

Erin Kennedy. Balance. How are you successful in achieving balance? I understand the notion of having to go hard and all in and love it, but I have a one year old now and I feel like I've bit off more than I can chew. I need to be there for my family, but I also want to grow this business.

Well, I don't have children, so I can't speak from that place. But I do have friends that do. They always say to me, like, everything is seasoned. So it's kind of like if this is your season to be really present with your child, maybe it's not your season to grow the business in the way that you wanted. And that just depends, right? It depends on how much you are willing to. And I don't know what your budget is either. It depends what you can budget for childcare. But I also think that from what I have heard that you probably are using your time a lot better than majority of us once you have a child. Cause you realize how precious your time is. I've heard you don't realize how much you're wasting time until you have a child. And then you get a lot better at using your time so hopefully that's true for you. If not, well, then you might just be like me as a mother in the future. We'll see if that changes for me, but I don't know if it will. But with that said, I do think that. I think you have pretty much two options. You're either gonna look at, okay, how can I get better at asking people to help me and be like, okay, are there X amount of hours that I'm gonna use exactly for. For growing this per week that maybe you can do a trade? Maybe every other week you watch someone's kids, and then they watch your kids if money is an issue right now. Otherwise, how much can you give to childcare knowing that those are gonna be your hours for set time to grow the business? And then also taking into consideration, do your goals need to change a little bit? Like, do you need to ratchet back and know that you are in a season? And maybe even ratcheting back will be interesting? Because maybe ratcheting back won't actually mean ratcheting back on work. Maybe you be working smarter within those hours and growing just as much as you would have been before you had a child. And maybe not. Maybe that won't be the case. So I don't want to put that expectation on you. But saying, I want to grow it. Sometimes growing it doesn't take as much as we think it can just take working a lot smarter. So also evaluating at the same time saying, am I working as smart as possible? Is there ways that I could be working even smarter? How could I be delegating? Maybe this thing over here or maybe this thing that I think I'm doing right now isn't the best use of my time. And there could be more needle moving things that I could be doing instead of this. So I think evaluating all. It's always layered, right? It's never just, like, one approach. It's like, where are you at and what is best for you right now?

Does anyone ever. Is anyone ever fully balanced besides, like, the Dalai Lama?

And is he. Because if he was fully balanced, would he even have things to talk about? Or don't you think he has to get off kilter a bit to be like, oh, I found my lesson for today, or however he speaks, you know?

Yes.

Like, I think he kind of gets off kilter. I think he's like, I don't think I'm on kilter today, or I'm off.

And also, Aaron Kennedy, you have an amazing name and you just grew a baby.

Yeah, let's let's just give her a prize for a minute for that. You know, if I had a really cool favors, I would send them to you. Like, there should be. That's where the favors should go. All of our favors should turn into actual favors for pregnant women and for women with children. Yes. It should just be like, take. Save your wedding favor money. Put it into when I have a baby and I need a favor and put it in this box. Or like, when I'm growing a business. It should be like, future favors. Instead of me giving you one, you're actually gonna write it on paper. Like an iou. Like, I'll babysit one day. Here's the favorite.

That's a good friend.

Yeah, like favor. That's even a confusing word. It's not a favor. That's called a gift I can't afford. You know?

Yes.

Let's call it what it is. There should be a tab on the knot because you remember going to the knot and looking at what favor options they had, and you're like, this is a stupid favor. Like, just go click on gifts you can't afford and pick. Pick the least worst one. Okay. All right, what's the next question?

Okay, the next question is from.

How.

Do I prove the value of my work to a company person that does not understand my profession? Or maybe what are the key points to share in an elevator pitch?

Oh, gosh. Well, the first thing that just came to me, it came up. It came up like bubble guts rising up for me is like, no Pepto is going to heal this until you get right with yourself. You are literally. Say that first sentence again. Say that first part of that sentence. Her question, it says, how do I.

Prove the value of my worth to a company slash, person that does not understand my profession?

Okay. If you have to do any proving and explaining, it's not your people. So I just. I'm so adamant about this. Like, it's very different. If it's kind of like something that you. Maybe it's new. Like, people have never heard of it before, or maybe it's very cutting edge, but for the most part, everything's kind of. There are people who have heard of what you do or need what you do. I wish I knew what she did. It doesn't say anything, right? Me too.

No, it doesn't say anything, but maybe it doesn't say anything.

Okay. I'm trying to think. Sometimes I hear a lot of people say this who are maybe, like, maybe into Reiki or maybe who are into health things or more natural healings. Or sometimes people who are in the digital space and can really help people grow with different things that people haven't heard of or SEO or just different things like that. So those are a few of the things that I hear. And there's definitely. Those people don't necessarily take the time to sit and educate people who don't really need it or understand. They're going to go to the people who are starting to understand and maybe say, here's how I can help you grow. Here's how I have grown other things, or here's how I can help you heal from this trauma. Or X, Y and Z. I think you're probably in the wrong places trying to explain to the wrong people. This was so huge when I was in network marketing and I would hear this from people all the time. They'd be like, people just don't get it. I'm having to explain. They're saying, I'm stupid for being in this, or I'm a sellout or whatever. I'm like, who are you talking to? And they're like, well, the people in my social circle or my family. I'm like, oh, you're stuck in your social circle and you're stuck in your family. I'm like, you gotta go outside that circle. Because right now those people only think a certain way and they might have the same limiting beliefs that you're trying to break right now. So if you're in a circle right now of people who are like, if you had a lot of limiting beliefs and you're starting to break out, if this is new, it probably means that the people in your circle still all have those limiting beliefs, which is going to keep them from trying something new. And so I think that's a huge thing, is like, oh, I got to break out of my circle first and foremost to go to the people who are open and who are looking to try something like this, or who can see the value. But if people can't see your value, stop explaining to them, like, please stop. Please go somewhere else. And as far as an elevator pitch, I think what we forget is if you're doing all of the explaining, you're not doing enough listening. So I think that when I was in network marketing, the biggest thing was a lot of people who had a lot of trouble selling network marketing and getting people to say yes to the opportunity was because they didn't listen to their problems. And so I, on a lot of my calls, because I was on, you know, sometimes I would do eight calls a day because I just hustled. I signed up like I believe we ended up signing like 500 people up in whoa. I mean it was over the course of years, but still that was. I did pretty much all of those conversations, probably 95% of those conversations. So think of the hours that went into like all of that and understanding people in closing. So it was a lot of sales hours and understanding and it was always the calls that I listened the most that I ended up closing the most.

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So it was like, tell me what your goals are. You know, tell me why you asked me about this or why something like what I just explained. If I just do, like, hey, you know, I just want to tell you a little bit about my experience. Here's how I found it. Here's what it did for me. Less than three minutes. Like, less than three minutes, you guys. Less than two minutes, if you can, and then tell me what your goals are and how you think. Like, you know what, maybe why you're interested in this. And then I would just listen and listen to, like, their health goals. Okay, do you have any business goals? Like, what. Do you have any interest around the business? If you do, let me know what some of those business goals would be and why you think this could be a good fit. And I would just literally listen, and then they would have something that would spur me to either help with, like, okay, here's why I think this could help, or here's what I think you need. So I would listen and then kind of, like, diagnose, like, out of what I. I wasn't doing anything medical. I mean, diagnose in terms of, like, how are you going to help that person from. From what you know, that you have? And a lot of times I would. When people would come on our team who would be like, you know, I don't think this is. This is not going well. This is not going well for me. I'm like, so tell me what you do. And they're like, well, I explain every product and I tell them how amazing it is, and I tell them what it can do and why they need it. And I'm like, did you know if they needed the greens? Did you know if they were having trouble struggling with their food? Did you know if. And they were like, no, I just. I Think they, you know, these products are so amazing. I think they need them. I'm like, nope, that's not how it works. That's how you turn everybody off. And that's how like you, you literally are pushing them off the phone like you did not listen to the problem and they didn't need all that. Like, you figure out the necessities and you say, here's the minimum that I think you need. Here's the maximum if you want X, which one are you interested in? And I wouldn't give them. I'd be like, which one are you interested in? And they'd be like, oh, okay. You know, and if it was neither, I'd be like, great, awesome. Let me know when it's a great time. And I think because I wasn't attached to the outcome of them needing to validate me, like, that's another thing is I had to let go of needing validation from people because they feel that on the call. They feel that in your elevator pitch. They feel, feel that you're trying to. Like, I just need to get these people. Like, people feel that energy and it turns them away. So it's kind of like letting go of needing the validation and needing to prove yourself. And I know that that's a weird place to be because we really do feel like we need it as humans. Trust me, I still feel like I need it. But just saying a little prayer before you do each talk or talk to, you know, before you get on the phone with each person or before you go for that elevator pitch and just saying, please God, or universe or whatever you believe, don't let me be attached to the outcome. Just speak through me. Just let me get to know this person and what they need and let me try to figure that. Let me be the answer to whatever it is they need and just come from that place and it's so, so, so different. So Evans, what's your.

Those are some nuggets, Lori.

Oh, you know, I just, I feel like I work at McDonald's and I'm just dropping them in the fryer. So I don't, I don't feel that way, but that felt like a pun. I love this hallway you are sitting in now all of a sudden.

By the way, thank you. The neighbor started pressure washing so I needed to move away.

I didn't even hear it. They were putting the pressure on.

Putting the pressure on. They're cleaning the house. It's great.

Just love it. But that's work. Work from home. Wfh. I didn't Notice that someone said WFH the other day. And I was like, what does this mean? Is that a square? I was like, putting swear words. It was like, what the effing hell? And I was like, that doesn't seem accurate for where you just dropped that. Yeah, they're like, it's a what the effing hell day. And they're like, oh, it's work from home.

Oh, work from home.

Anyway, okay, so last minute of nugget wisdom for me. Drop it on me.

Oh, well, I just want to reiterate what you said, which is your worthiness comes from yourself. Like, you're the only person who can really. Which I can relate to her question so much about feeling like, how do you feel validated? And how do you make people understand that you're worthy? But isn't this. That's what we all want, right? But we have to do it. We're in charge of that.

I think we are in charge of that. Yeah, there is no think. It's. We are in charge of that. We're in charge of it for sure. And trust me, we're all in it. And I think it's just nice to hear, like, we're all in it, and you just have to do what feels right for you. And, like, when you get really aligned with what you know you're supposed to be in, that's when they start just, like, one by one, just real quietly coming out of the woodwork, and you're like, wait, oh, something shifted in me. I don't. It's not about pleasing you. It's really about pleasing me and being in my work. And, like, then they'll show up so crazy. Well, Evans, I love you. I appreciate you. I'm so glad you enjoyed this podcast, and I hope that you have the most amazing day. And everybody, we would love to hear your takeaways from the show. So just give us a little tangaroo. And not a kangaroo. We don't want a weird wedding favorable. We're too busy. We're too busy for those wedding favors. So thanks, Lori. Until next time, everybody, earn your happy and remain questionably awesome. Have a great one.

Bye, Evans. Bye, Lori.

Sa.