751. Gabby Reece on Her Secrets to Embracing the "Suck": Creating Mental Wins Out of Challenges

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Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywh being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like.

We don't know what we're doing.

We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe, subscribe to this podcast. We're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. Welcome back to the show. I'm really thrilled about my interview today. This is somebody who I grew up looking up to. Just someone who I thought was the ultimate athlete. Somebody who was a incredible mentor. And to be able to sit down and have a conversation with my guest.

Today, I was having a bit of a pinch me moment.

So my guest is Gabrielle Reese. She's not only a volleyball legend, but an inspirational leader. New York Times bestselling author, wife and mother, the former professional beach Volleyball player and Nike's former first female spokeswoman. I literally remember this is the definition of both athleticism and beauty. She's the creator of hi X, co founder of XPT and executive member of Laird Superfood. Gabby is dedicated to building and leading health and fitness methods. And our conversation today was so much.

Fun because it's one of my favorite things to talk about overcoming mental challenges.

She talks so much about the secrets to embracing the this suck and what.

That means to her.

Really creating these mental wins out of the challenges in order to create this more fulfilling, more meaningful life. So I know you're gonna love it, just like I did. Let's get started.

Gabby, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on.

My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

I was talking to some of my friends. We were out on a run, actually, right before this, and I was like, oh, my God.

Do you know who I get to talk to today?

I get to talk to Gabby Reese. I'm so excited because you truly, like, you were just a part of my life growing up, and I'm sure you hear that all the time, but you were kind of.

You were and are everywhere.

So it was fitness magazines. I was really starting to get into fitness. So you were kind of that person that I think you just were that, you know, instead of me looking up to or looking at models, I kind of was looking in this fitness. Like, I was looking for a fit woman who was, like, powerful and strong, and it was totally you. So, anyway, I'm excited to be here, and I. I love your career because you've done so many different things, and that's really what I would love to chat about today too. But first things first. What is making you most excited right now? What are you loving about your life?

I sort of have a grinding mentality, which is good and bad. I think for me, what I've always really enjoyed about my life is that I've gotten to spend time doing things most of the time that I want to do. Right there's have to, should do and want to. And somehow part of the luxury I've been afforded is that I've rolled in some of the. And want to is like, I'm not a spa girl necessarily. So I sort of mishmashed a lot of them have to and want or should do and want to kind of more closely together. So in a certain way, I'm. There's a part of me that's, like, pretty simple. And I don't I'm not looking for these sort of grand moments necessarily. Like I'm a person who realizes, like, if my family's healthy and you know, there's sort of, you know, new opportunities, you know, kind of looming in the future, that all of that is the stuff that has essentially kind of typically turned me on. So that you're sort of living in the work state and the dream state together as often as possible.

So it sounds like you're also able to start really appreciating the present moment. So what is it about your day to day life? What are certain things that you like to have in your everyday life that are kind of staples or your favorite things about your day?

Well, I mean, again, I feel like I am in certain ways really complicated, but in certain ways very simple. And so it's things like my husband gets up before me every morning when I go down to my kitchen. There's a mug with all my coffee ingredients in it and all I have to do is hit a button and the coffee comes down. I really enjoy that. My training, being, having that window of time to really train and train hard and being that side of my personality is something that I typically throughout my day or my weeks are really important to me. Gathering. I only have one kid at home here. Right now I'm in Hawaii. My middle daughter is 17 and she's in California because she plays tennis and it's simply just too wet here. But typically that was a big part, was like our family at least breaking bread. Even if it was like we bicker the whole time or whatever at dinner, it was like we were together. And I think, and it's something a little treadmilly, but there's something for me about getting certain, getting things done throughout a day. But you know, it's not, it's not, it's nothing we, it's nothing overly monumental because I find like when you can thread all those things together that you sort of move through, like you're moving through life but you're not connecting with the people that are really important to you, but you're getting. And for me personally to have that, getting those things done or those goals, that those are sort of happening too. But as I get older, that's always interesting too because you're like, why is that so important?

Yeah, I come from like, I really root down in fitness and movement as just as a way to be present to start my day, all of those things. And I know that you obviously have a major background in fitness and training and all of the things Being a pro athlete. So what are some of the lessons or through lines for you that you still apply to your life, whether it's in business or relationships that you've really learned from, from being an athlete?

I just feel like that the matrix of sport, the discomfort of that I got the opportunity to build in some metal. Because the thing is that life doesn't. Part of the whole canvas of a day is hard stuff. And so I think for me, it was like, not spending so much time on, like, oh, my gosh, this is hard. Yeah, it's hard.

Okay.

That's part of the fabric of the day. And sometimes I have to, you know, like, I had something happen yesterday, for example, where all of a sudden I may be almost over thrust, over compensate and get like, maybe like too intense for the situation. And it wasn't with my family. It was a work thing. And as a female, Right. Like, feeling comfortable with generating that kind of energy, it's always an interesting thing. But in sports, you learned to at least get that gear, which maybe one would consider more masculine in your personality. My youngest daughter yesterday gave me this whole speech yesterday right before I went to bed about how I was actually quite nice to her, but that sometimes I was too direct to other people. But she, at 13, isn't understanding, like, oh, no, those are work people. And if I don't actually create a certain. Because I know how we're going to show up, like, if it's for Laird and I or for me, like, I know how we're going to show up. And so then I'm creating the understanding about, like, well, how are you going to show up? And so it was just interesting. But I think sports really helped me with that and also getting comfortable with sometimes having those uncomfortable interactions with work people. And they don't have to be combative, but sometimes it's very direct, and you have to be like, hey, okay, so I'm going to bring this, this, and this. And I am expecting or hoping or asking if you're able to bring this, this, and that. And so that really helped Lear work hard. And also looking at your weaknesses and the things that you need to continue and being accountable to that. That's something that I think sports helped me learn to do that, like, constantly, like, you're looking at yourself going, well, what's your part in this? And how are you showing up? And how are. How could you be better? So, I mean, it just goes on and on. I think how that really helped me. And it's like, you're never going to push against the outside world, going, well, the outside world is being unfair to me or why are they doing this to me? But going okay, this is what's happening. How do I need to respond? How do I need to react and get through this? How could I be better in this situation? Where do I need to push harder and not apologize for that? It's kind of like all those things.

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Oh man, you're. You're so speaking to me and I know everybody listening right now just because, you know, I think that's that boundary.

Or not that boundary, but just how.

Do we show up in life to. In accordance to like how maybe we were raised or how we were taught, especially as females and then translating that into the business world. And you know, I talk to a lot of women and I know myself even sometimes after I set that boundary or show up in that way or you know, say what I need or the expectation and then what happens, the chatter in my head after that. How do you, what are some tools that you do to kind of like quiet that down or make it okay or just kind of cut it off at that point and keep moving, like, let it be okay, whatever was done. Yeah.

I think sometimes you use, you assess how you be conducted yourself as a learning tool and say, okay, that was pretty good over there. Maybe you were a little. You did, you went too far or not far enough or the way you phrase that. So use it as a learning tool. But again, it's that personal accountability.

Right?

Like you're not saying, well, yeah, I acted like that because they were doing this. No, we're in charge of our responses. And so. And then even going like, was that fear? Was that ego? You know, what was going on? And so it's really just about assessing and learning and having maybe that one person or those two people that you can go, you know, it's almost like a confession to this person going like, this was my hope and goal to get these results. This is how I conducted myself. I should have done that better. I think you're looking at it a little more objectively so you can then learn from it. But also you're taking that ownership because I think that that's ultimately so important that no matter how bad someone else acts in business or whatever, they do that. That's actually not what we're trying to react to, that. We're trying to set how we conduct ourselves all of the time and how we hold that line and that when we get off that line.

Yeah, you guys have a lot going on. I know. My husband was just on a walk, and we were. Before this podcast was even booked, we were talking about layered superfoods and just how fast it was growing. Well, according to what we're watching, it seems really fast how it's growing. I can only imagine what that is, what you guys are experiencing and what that's doing on the inside for the amount of just probably decisions or the way things are moving really quickly when a company scales so incredibly fast. How are you managing internally, just your relationships and with all of the extra things that initially come with that large growth?

Well, the good news is that I've had a lot of companies that have never grown, have failed, have chugged along. So this wasn't like, I'm 26 and it was my first endeavor. And then it's like, oh, this was a lot of schooling before this. And the truth of the matter is the team that is put in place is so far superior to my skill set in certain ways and Laird's that it's sort of like you've really built a pretty big foundation. And so this is part of what you're hoping. What does change is like, for example, we took this company public, so now we're dealing with. We have a board that we have to answer to. And you're like, well, wait a second. We don't. Like, five years ago, it was three of us, and now I have to talk to a board and ask permission. And that's right, though, because there's systems in place for checks and balance on all levels. So it's actually getting educated about how that works, where when your baby, so to speak, is actually, it's kind of out of your hands, what you want, because that's how it really genuinely grows. And you want to tonally keep the spirit in which every product, what it represents, what's in the bag, all of that you have to be really steadfast on. But beyond that, then you really start to release some of the control and you start to be the guardian then of making sure that you're staying creative and innovative about products and you go, cool. Now we're big enough that we can actually try to see if we can get this ingredient into the bag and keep costs down. But you, it's a lot of schooling before this.

Yeah, totally. All of those things were for a purpose. Now you can see it, right? Like, oh, yeah, I've been here before. Okay, so how do you guys decide to decide what? I know as an entrepreneur, you get to this weird place where there will always kind of be like a fire burning, like something will be going wrong and you'll have to kind of learn how to put your attention in certain places. And I find, I don't know if this is just a male, female thing, but for me personally, my husband was way better at compartmentalizing than I was. And so I always try to bring this attention to the mostly women listeners that we have is like, how can we start understanding that in business there's always going to be a fire burning? But it's understanding, like trying to figure out which ones you need to put out first. Do you guys have conversations around that or how do you deal with it?

Yeah, I'm pretty decent about. And again, sports saw this, right? Because you can be like, okay, we're playing a chessboard and the ball that's coming at your face is the ball you have to deal with. But then what's your overall strategy simultaneously and who are you trying to pick on? Because you know they're the weakest link or whatever and the good. In business, right? It's usually about expansion and not it doesn't have to be combative, right. It's like you're in a one man game kind of. So I think for me, I always said that, let's say I wake up in the day and I see all that has to get done. So I look at that in a horizontal view and that can even mean like the issues like, okay, when I get up, I need to deal with this first and then kind of work my way. And then what I do is I slide that, I always say, and have only one thing coming at me at a time, but then having the ability to adapt. So let's say you get a new call or a new situation, you go, this feels like it's jumping to the top of the pile. And rather than getting overwhelmed, I'm just going to understand that even if I don't get these seven other things done today, those can wait till tomorrow. What do I really need to. Because the other thing with women is I Think part of us also wants to put everything to bed so that we can feel comfortable and released from this thing that's looming over me that I might mind grind in my sleep versus listen of all the day. If today, if nothing else happens, if I get those two seriously at least pushed along down the field or organized more or wrapped up or whatever it is, stay clear. Don't take it all on all the time because it's just then noise and it's unproductive versus having but not emotionally looking at, okay, what are my goals, what am I trying to do? And which of these things then is.

Going to be the most important to.

That and being okay with like, okay, there's about eight things that I'm still. Because sometimes that might take even weeks, right? Like it's feeling comfortable. It'd be like if you had rooms in your house with unmade beds and being like, it's okay, the beds are unmade, we're not going to, we can survive unmade beds. And I think women have a tendency to list out and they're looking for checks in boxes. And I don't think that's how it always goes.

So good. I remember just like 10 years ago walking around so stressed out all the time. And at the time I look back I'm like, I didn't even have that much to do. What was I so busy? It was just so busy in the head with going through all the things I should be doing that really didn't matter because like you said, getting the big, if you just get even like one to three big things done a day, you could probably just like relax for the afternoon and you'd still move, still move things forward. But we know that's not always how it goes. So your decision making process, I want to talk about this. How did you learn? Because I think intuition and being able to make decisions faster especially, I mean we can bring it all back to being an athlete too. It's like you have to learn how to make those decisions faster and trust your gut. How do you get out of your head? How do you trust your gut? How did you figure out what was your gut speaking?

Well, that's why I like to stay healthy. Just using the physical body as an antenna and avatar for the world around you. And so part of my training is so connected to me just trying to perform better and be more sensitive and more connected to myself and to my environment. That's been very hopeful. You know, I think it's case by case, right. Because it's like I'M actually pretty cerebral and I will process almost everything through my brain. But it's keeping that gut sense. Like, you know, that person is. Maybe they're under qualified, but there's something about them. They might be. They could. I feel like they can do it. Or conversely, like, I don't care. It's the biggest, baddest guy in the business or girl, and it's not a fit. And so I think it's also pushing out the outside world's definition of everything. And then knowing, like, I'm out of my depth, I need to get help, I need to ask questions. I need to bounce this off a person who has more experience in this way. So I think your gut works in all these ways. Like when you go, hey, I don't care what the world says. This guy's so great. I'm not feeling it. Two, I feel to take a chance on this situation. Two, I'm in over my head. It's time for me to call in somebody that I can really talk to and use their wisdom and experience. And I think that. And not being afraid to move fluidly through all those spaces, because then I really think that's how you get this more complete picture, or at least your work or your life is reflecting you simultaneously and your values. So it's kind of using all of those.

I love that. Tell me about your thought process and your relationship around fear and doing hard things. What do you say to yourself in your head to go for them?

I think it's again, just realizing it's like, what night is today? It's all part of it. And so instead of it being like, this is hard, it's like, oh, yeah, this is part of it, and this part's a little harder. And I'm not going to freak out or I'm going. Sometimes I do say, like, you fortify a little more. Like, maybe I get a little tougher or a little more focused or a little something that I need to be so I can get through it. I don't maybe have the same person taking on every situation. And even sometimes, like with parenting, I used to. It's like I can't bring. Even though parenting is hard and there's a lot of details and a lot of the time is uncomfortable. It's like I can't bring the girl that's going to push through certain things at work. So it's bringing different parts of my personality, but also not. I would liken it to like a bike rider, where it's like every hill climb, you're like, oh my God, it's a hill climb. It's like it's part of the ride. It's like, oh the hill climb. Let me change gears and yeah, this is always a little harder than the downhill, but ok, you know, and it's just almost approaching it in your internal energy with more of the same but adjusting and using a different part of yourself.

Oh, I love that. Okay, so it sounds like so have you read the War of Art by Steven Pressfield?

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

One of them for you.

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No, it's one of my favorite books because it's about so much of what you're talking about, like the resistance, lessening the resistance between the thing and realizing that most of our resistance is the resistance to the thing. And I'm hearing so much of what you're saying has been such a huge part of my journey is watching how we make it so hard on ourselves. And really, it's like what you're saying over and over, and it's all part of it. It's all part of it. And I think that's been something that's really been a huge breakthrough for me. Just in business and life and all the things is, man, if we could just make that time in between easier, It's a total game changer. So you've pivoted in your career. You just kind of are able to. You. You guys kind of seem like you can go into one thing or the other or change your focuses. What does that actually feel like and what does that actually look like when you are pivoting? What's the first thought when you're like, oh, I think I'm getting a curiosity over here and now. How do I apply that?

It's just never. Laird phrases it differently than me. He's like, never being afraid to be a beginner again. And I always say it's like being a rookie or a freshman or the newbie or the bottom of the ladder. It's like it's being in the here in the now of what I'm doing and also sort of staying in touch with who I'm becoming. Because the big thing is, right, we want to keep doing what we're good at. And I think that that only has a diminishing return through time. So how are we also staying in touch with who am I becoming as a person and what does that look like? And then where do I think that that person would want to be spending time? And things show up when you live? I Think that way just pretty naturally, but it's just being willing to let go of the thing that you're really good at all the time or that you've always done even, like, a business. Like, you might have a business where you're like, yo, this thing is not working out. And you could say, yeah, but I put five years into it. It's like, yep, and it's not gonna work. And saying, and that's uncomfortable, obviously. Or like, this is. I've done this. And it works so well. It's like, mm, but it's sort of like a song that we all really liked, and then it becomes outdated in certain ways. And so how do we make new music? But that's by being understanding on who we are, because then that's the only way the stuff shows up. And it's being comfortable with, like, not being anything, you know, just like, was. Okay. Are you a volleyball player? Yeah, not so much. I've played volleyball at a pretty good level, and I did that. And, you know, it's all those things. It's like being. Because then all of a sudden, then you can be, whatever that means in definition, so much more. And, you know, even Laird says. And this is a person who has dedicated more than 50 years to his endeavor of surfing big waves, and still does. I'm Laird, and one of the things I do is surf. You know, it's like, if all of us could just get back to our spirit, and then wherever the spirit is today. Not. Yeah. You know, because it would. You know, it'd be sad if I was telling you stories from volleyball days now. I could use them as a reference, you know, what have you. But I think that that's what makes that moving through. Because they even say water will go sideways and even almost looks backwards to go down. And it's like being willing to just be like, oh, I see an opening. That seems to be the place to go to and just be. If you talk to any fitness person or any real person who understands nutrition and fitness, it's about adaptability.

Oh, it's so good. I love this topic so much because I think I have been the person who has, like, you know, kept on doing that thing past the expiration date. I know what that feels like, where I'm like, ugh.

But it's also, you know, we have to be tenacious, and we have to have perseverance. So sometimes we need to hit our head through it to understand, like, is this a barrier or is this really an end game? And that's okay, like, that's good.

Like, that's like, you know, I could.

Have given up back there, but I just kept pushing just a little more and we broke through. So it's just understanding those.

The difference of that.

And sometimes I don't know that it's possible to anticipate that ahead. It's how it takes the pressing to really go, oh, no, no, that was a wall, you know, or whatever.

Yeah. Oh, man. So powerful. I really could have used this podcast, like, three years ago about you saying. And the part where you were talking and I know people are really like, this will help a lot of people now. The willingness to not be anything is actually where that next version of yourself can show up. And sometimes it's when we're holding onto that past version. Like, no, this was, you know, maybe this was the first time you've ever gotten attention by doing that last thing. And you feel like without it, you're gonna die, you know, so how did you. Are there certain signs now that show up for you, like, in your life or your body around like. Like things that you should be doing next, even if they're scary? Is there anything that's scaring you right now that you're kind of like, oh, I feel like I know I should go there, but I'm not. I don't know if I'm ready to be uncomfortable again or.

Well, there's a couple I think I have indirectly. Maybe this is the first time I'm verbalizing this. Actually. I have been standing a little bit behind to my husband for probably the last 10 years. My kids were younger, and because it was sort of his. He had momentum and it was important. Like, that was my. It would have been a really good role for me to do. And it was actually really smart. But I think there's a part of me that knows now that my kids are getting bigger and there's certain things down the road for him that are sort of doing. They got their thing going that I want to re. Step out and move more thoroughly into communication and an individual exploration. And weirdly, people wouldn't know this because I've been doing a public job for 30 years. I'm not overly comfortable with, like, attention. And so there's a part of me that knows that. That. But that is the next for me. And it doesn't mean, oh, it just means like an individual quest. So maybe someone's done a business with a friend or a. Loved a partner or lover or whatever, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, but then they have this individual thing that they're going to do. And remember, I'm a team athlete, right? Like, I'm really comfortable with teammates. I think there's a part where it's like, it's sort of probably my what I have seen and my experience and not always the shared one. And so that doesn't make me overly comfortable, oddly.

I want to take a second to share why I love Talkspace so much. There were times in my life when I definitely shrugged things off and said that it was no big deal, that I would just get over it. And I really tried to power through some of the things that I talk about now on this podcast or that I've written about in my book that were really traumatic times in my life. And the power of being able to talk about it now in order to get through it has been one of.

The only ways that I've been able.

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When you say, like be out there, have you had glimpses or visions of what that is? Like at all.

I think that I've had a unique, like all of us, a unique path. Right. I've been in a 25 year relationship, I have three daughters, I've created and failed at many things. I think I'm, obviously I have a female perspective, but then with a splash of masculinity. And I think I've been in a lot of, I've been in the self care space at a pretty high level. And so I think it's just about contributing, just about contribution. We all need to contribute our experience to elevate all of us. We all need to do that. I'm not suggesting that the drop of water I can put in the bucket is going to be different than another drop of someone else, but it's saying, yeah, you need to do that. Because if a 30 year old woman wants to come and talk to me, I could probably share some of the hazards ahead or to say this might happen and it's totally okay, even though you'll feel upside down in it. Because I just think that's what experience is supposed to be. That's why I use people ahead of me to go, holy cow, I'm in this right now. And they can go, yeah, it's okay, you know, and especially when it comes to like family, children, aging, it's like all of these things that I think it's important to contribute.

Yeah, that is so insanely important. I don't even know where I'd be without looking ahead and having people answer questions for me. Literally that's the only way I've gotten through majority of the things that I've gone through. So I love that what feels fun for you around that. If you were to be able to look out and be like, okay, in five years, this is what I wanna be doing. But I wanna make sure that every day it feels fun or it feels. I get to connect with these type of people. If you could infuse a part of something that you really want to be doing, what is that? Is that connecting with people more? Is that getting.

It's all about connection and learning. For me, it always has been. And like I said, in an obnoxious level. I am a grinder. But we used to say when you're in professional sports, you somehow don't love.

The suck a little bit.

If you don't know how to embrace and love the suck, then it's probably not for you. And there's a part of me where you're just. And I don't mean unnecessarily Hard or spin wheels and futile. Hard. I mean, like, it's a big undertaking. It's hard. There's something about that for me personally, which is very gratifying because it feels very real.

Yep.

It feels like what I'm interested in. It's like, why do I like nature? It's so straightforward. Besides that, it's beautiful. It's so very real and so much in the world I can't make sense of.

And I'm at a place in my.

Life where I really have always probably known that. But it's like, I'm not even going to try. I'm going to just try to generate more time and energy into spaces that feel really tangible and real and hard.

Work and growing and learning and learning.

From others, even things. Like, up until two months ago, I was like, I'm not here to boss my kids around and control them. I'm here to teach them to control themselves. And I interviewed a doctor, a woman, Sarah Sarkis, and she was like, how about if we said manage, not control, right? It's one word, right? So I'm like, oh, well, now I'm trying to teach my kids how to manage themselves, not control. Because control has all these other issues, right?

So my point is, it's just. It doesn't always have to be any.

Huge, broad grand strokes, like, oh, I had an epiphany. It's just slowly each day. Could you be a little better?

I love that. That's really helpful. It's just the. Cause it can feel that way sometimes. Like the big. You need to be making big moves, right? To change your business, you need to be doing big things. And you just brought the word up in my head of refinement. It's just like these little tiny things that if you just turn the knob a little bit on this thing, it totally changes perspective in the way that you deal with it. And ease, just. Even when you said that ease came around the feel, control is, like, impossible.

Right?

But managing feels possible. It feels doable.

So think about water, you know, on a rock, over time, it makes a real. It makes a series on a rock. Like, it changes the shape of it, but it's a bit at a time, right? And for me, it's like you want to get those shifts and that refinement slowly so that it's done, you know, kind of art. Not artfully, but hopefully in a true way, in your essence, who you are specifically. And so that at the end, that's what the art, you know, what the stone looks like. But it's still a representation of you and your spirit, not someone comes in with a sledgehammer. And then it's like, okay, that's it. It's like, okay, but that's not even me. You know.

What do you feel like you're doing when you are at your best and who are you around? And maybe best isn't the right word, but when you really love who you are, when you just feel like, oh, I love this version of me, probably.

With my friends, and I have, of course, I have a lot of friends, but just when then I'm in my essence as a human being, maybe a little more playful, maybe a little more androgynous in my spirit, at times inappropriate. I'm nobody's wife or mother, you know, I think she. And again, it almost transcends your gender at that point where it's just your spirit. And maybe your spirit's like 6 or 15 or 80, but it's just a lot looser.

I love that I'm always like, who brings it out to me and how can I get around them more? That's the best. Okay, so you talk about embracing. Like, there is a lot of power in embracing, I think the. The challenges and the suck. I've definitely gotten very familiar with that and embraced it. But tell me about what are some of the things that you say in your head around that? Or what would you say to someone who's like, yeah, but it's so hard, and is it always going to be this uncomfortable? And where do I find peace and joy? If this is what the journey really looks like, how do we manage that?

Well, first of all, most of us are choosing, right? So a lot of times I remind myself, like, oh, no, you're choosing to be here. This is what you. You've asked for. Because when you have a parent or child or somebody gets sick, you didn't ask for that, right? That's a different kind of hard. So it's really important to be like. It'd be like having a huge party and being like, oh, there's a big mess at my house. It's like, well, you just invited 100 people to your house. Like, you had party, right? And so I think it's also about kind of being an adult and being like, what'd you think? And sort of having that real conversation with yourself. A lot of times I just will kind of internally be like, okay, here we go. You know, it's like, you know, this is the thing that I really think I want to explore, and we can't walk around our life so surprised by things. You know, it's like, I love when people have children and they're like, I mean, it just, it's like, it's. It takes so much time and it's so hard. It's like, yeah, it's like a person, like you had a. Had a kid, you know, and at some point in the beginning with like your closest confidant, you'd be like, whoa, that's right. But you just can't go throughout the day everywhere being like, it's so hard. It's so hard. It's like, okay, that's the narrative. Like, what did you think? You know, it's like you jumped in the pool and you go, I'm so wet. It's like, yeah, yeah. So for me personally, it's about like kind of being a grown up that way and trying to have a sense of what you're taking on and then just being like, yeah, okay, cool, here we go. Because if we spend so much time in that spinning narrative about how hard it is, we're not like in it. We're not doing the thing and we're not learning the lessons. We're just in the narrative of like, it's so hard.

It's so hard.

It's like, you know, what do you 13? It's like, come on. Like, at a certain point, you know, this comes back. This all comes back always for me about this accountability, you know, it's like, yeah, we got it. It's hard. It's like, I have people that will go into ice tubs, you know, for my fitness stuff, and I'll say to them, listen, there's ice in the water. We don't need to spend a lot of time talking about it's cold. We all know it's cold. It's really cold. What we need to focus on is what do we want to do to.

Deal with the cold.

Not like, it's cold, it's cold, it's cold, it's cold. It's like, okay. So I think a lot of times it's like, have that moment and then let's get into it.

Oh, my God, I love it. It's like such proactive solution based thinking. So the energy gets converted into the solution instead of focusing on the problem.

I like when people like to rehash the situation. It's like, yeah, I got it. What are we doing? Like, what is this? What are our three options to @ least start moving towards a solution? Not like, and it's even like with personal Dynamics. And then he said, and then I did this, and I take. Okay, got it. What's the issue and where are we moving towards a.

Solution? Yep. Oh, man, that has changed my life. That's gotten so much time back. Like, as you're speaking, I'm just looking at all the places you yourself, personally have gotten your time back and your energy. So is there anything right now in your life that you are kind of maybe. Is there a spot where you still feel like you're leaking energy a little bit, or is there a thought that you're giving yourself to that you're trying to get it back and close that loop? Do you have anything like that right.

Now? Yeah, absolutely. I think. I just think there's times you're wasting throughout the day and all the time. And sometimes before I jump in, I might be walking around something rather than just, like, buttoning it up or even listen, as a wife, sometimes I feel like I put myself on too much of a standby for what my husband might need, because I know that in certain ways, that is a foundation or a pillar of my life is having peace at home and fluidity and connection. And at times it can feel like a time leap when I'm sort of trying to anticipate or wait on what they might need. So that is an interesting dance. But I also know that my real relationships with the people close to me that are also investing a great deal of time, and not my children, I mean, meaning, of course I'm investing in them no matter.

What. They're not waiting around on.

Me. Right. But making sure that my life, life, yeah, that's it. My life life is sometimes a real time suck. And I think I understand that. And I'm willing to spend it there because the return is so huge, even though it's so vague. And it's even like, you ever run into somebody that you really like that you never see and you have a million things to do, but you know that 15 minutes in that real conversation with them is the thing that life is made.

Of.

Yes. And you're like, I have so much to do, and I'm going to be right here with this person, and I'm going to connect with them in this special way that I didn't plan, I didn't schedule, and it's so worth it and then just let it go. So I think in a way, I have that and an ongoing spin in my real. In my really, my deep and intimate relationships. And, you know, it's always a dance. Like, your mind's like, you've got stuff to do, let's go. And like, yeah, no, I'm just gonna sit here and be here and listen. Like if it's, you know, with a child or I'm in it, maybe my husband needs me at this moment. And yeah, that's always the.

Dance. So feel that. Just like what you said, just knowing that sometimes you have to say.

That in your head.

Right? Like, sometimes you have to be like, these are the things that matter. Like, these are the moments that pay off. These are the things that you might not see right away, but they matter. Especially if you are kind of like a, you know, you can grind, you can go do the thing. And sometimes that's like you gotta talk to yourself during the thing.

So.

Okay. And then release it, right? Like you have to establish it. I've had that. Like, I have one of my daughters likes to talk to me somehow right before bed, you know, And I'm like melting or something. And I'm like, no, this is it, this is the time. This is to be here, to say nothing, to listen, to be available and recognizing it and being okay with.

That. So good. What are two to three things that if you could only leave, like you could only write down three things in a book, like your top three things for somebody. It was like your life manual, except. Except there were only three points. What do you think the three things would be that you would put in.

There? Well, first, take care of yourself. And I don't mean that in a greedy way. I mean make sure you're doing enough to take care of yourself. So you can do all the other. And you will always, you can put other people before you, what have you. But you've got to really figure out the way, and especially as a female, to take care of yourself. Your physical health, your emotional needs, your mental health. It doesn't mean it's easy, it just means you've got to figure out that way. You've got to be checking in, you've got to be being honest with yourself. Second, I would say, and it doesn't mean not direct, but in your personal and in your work life, weirdly try to respond in love. And when I say that, it means that you're not an ego, because ego is fear. And then like for me, when I'm afraid, I'm aggressive. And in the end I regret, I will regret it and I lose my power, right? So when I say respond in love, I don't mean that in some woo woo way. I mean try to keep being out of Ego and in your source of power, which is really love. And, you know, because I'm not a person who gets fear and cries, right, I start to lean in and really get heavy duty. And I was like, yeah, that's ineffective or not as effective. And there's that. And then you make room for all kinds of people and things happening, and it's just better. And then I guess it would be never take it personal. It would have to be in there. Like, I mean, I would say it's going to be, you know, all the shades are part of the deal, part of the story. Hard, easy, fun, unfun, scary, success, failure. But I would say before that, actually, especially for females, it's, you know, so much of it has nothing to do with us, and we make everything so much to do. Well, why would they talk to me like that? And why would they do that? It's like, that's not your story, you know, and they don't like me. And it's like, okay, you know, stop doing that. And I think it's really important if you're talking about women and women in business or women, is figure out a way to communicate clearly and at times, even with your partner, not emotionally. Figure it out. Like, figure. Like, I can approach my husband and go, you know, when you hear this a million times, hey, when this goes down, I feel like that versus you did that. It's like those simple nuances when you're in work and go, hey, listen, I need to discuss something with you. This made me feel comfortable. This made me feel uncomfortable. Figure out a way. If we can figure out a way to communicate towards that solution that we're talking about all the time. Come in. A solution. If you want to get into a row and be in a hassle, well, that's easy to do. That's everywhere, right? So figure out a way, because then it's easier on you. But it takes thought. It takes space and distance, and that's why the love part's important, because I think that creates just a little bit more Runway between you and all, like, your chaotic.

Feelings. So good. Yes, yes.

Yes.

Literally. I just. I've worked with my husband for, like, the past eight years, so I'm like. Like, yes, I totally have had to do that. Oh, my God. Like, new language. Learned a new language. So helpful. So, all right, is there anything that you want to share with anyone that you haven't yet shared or anything that you wish people. Wish people.

Knew? Probably not after all these years, but I will say that I never feel Like I have anything figured out. And it's really important for people to understand that they can see or, you know, what look at me or my career and think like, oh, they've gotten certain things dialed. And I can assure you that I wake up each day as unsure as I am and have always been, and that I just say, okay, I'm gonna show up today and I'm gonna do the best I can. I'm gonna course correct when I need to. I'm gonna apologize quickly. You know, maybe it's even. I'm gonna be a little tougher and I'm not gonna worry about it or apologize for it, but I just really want people to know that. Because sometimes I think it feels so lonely that we think, well, everyone else seems to know what's going on, and I don't, you know, Byron, Katie, who I love dearly, says, you know, I don't have any answers, but I have a lot of questions. And for me, I just really want to support people wherever they are and say, I have so little figured out, but I'm just showing up and doing the best I can. And so far it's. It seems to be working out and I'm not afraid of hard work. And that's all because I don't want people to feel alone in that path. It's like knowing, like, what, you know, like, it's. It's like such chaos and it's all a shit show for all of us. And, like, and that's okay, you.

Know? Well, that makes me feel better today, so. Thanks. You helped. We helped one person, you know.

It'S like, come on, like, you know, there's 7 billion of us on the planet. How long have we been around? You know, our problems are usually not that serious. And we're here maybe to learn and to go through the process, so we're not actually supposed to know. But don't keep doing the same stupid things over and over. At least do that right? Like, make new mistakes and try and. But don't feel alone. And if you feel scared, that's okay. It is scary sometimes, you know, but that's when you have to be like, okay, am I doing a roof over my head? Can I eat tonight? It's.

Okay. That is so good. If you're going to make mistakes, make sure they're new ones. That is so.

Good. I can tell my kids, I'm like, make new.

Mistakes. Don't make old.

Mistakes. Yes, so good. Okay, where can we find you? Follow you? What's. Like, where should we be following you.

At. I mean, I actually have a podcast called the Gabby Reese show, and I have Instagram, Abby Reese. I have Facebook. I have.

YouTube. I have all that.

Stuff. Awesome. Well, I'm so grateful for you. This was such a fun conversation. I loved it. I loved learning about how you think. It was super helpful. You guys, if you loved this episode, make sure you share it with a friend. And as always, you guys know it is such a gift that you can give to our guest to tag them and let Gabby know what your biggest takeaway was from the show. It's always fun to see who's listening and what you actually got from the show. So make sure you tag her and let her know your biggest aha moment, your biggest takeaway. And you guys, until next time, earn your happy bye.

Everyone.