752. Do You Have a Hidden Fear of Success? Here's How to Get Past It

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Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, and to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform. Want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

And we're back with another episode of.

He said, she Said.

And we're going to talk about something that might be holding you back that you don't even know is holding you back. Because that was the case for us. And that is do you have an unknown fear of success? And I actually want to start with this. I used to hear the phrase a fear of success and I thought it was the most BS phrase on the planet. I thought it was so dumb. I literally was like, oh yeah, I'm so afraid of the extra money. Oh yeah, I'm so afraid of the accolades. Oh yeah, I'm so afraid of the accomplishments. And I used to think people were making that up as an excuse to not take action and they were really afraid of something else. But the more I dug into it, the more I realized it's a real thing. And a fear of success is actually made up of a bunch of micro fears about potential change.

You know, I got a couple messages in my DMs about this, asking have you specifically done a podcast on fear of success? And I know that we have, we've talked about it a lot, but we haven't done one specifically about it. And I think the most important thing that you can do is the awareness of what it actually is. And some of you have it, but have never put the label fear of success on it because it is deep rooted in many other things. And for me, I'm going to just unpack a little bit of my version of fear of success was that my friends, my current friend circle, my current social circle and my family would no longer accept me if I started to become successful. Because that would mean that maybe I wouldn't have time for them. Maybe it would look selfish that I had to put a lot more time into my business, or maybe I would make more money than my parents and my friends. And then what fun is it to go on these extravagant vacations or be able to have these nice things or this beautiful home if you're worried that your friends are gonna be jealous or compare or talk about you. And even worse, you do start to become successful and they do start talking about you, because they will. It's an absolute fact. I don't know anyone who has broken out of the, you know, kind of the level circle of influence, the circle of influence that they're in and gone to a different level. I don't wanna say the levels are better or worse, but just gone to a different level level where it is the mindset of it's pack mentality, right? So whenever anyone leaves the pack, we get scared and we have to make it bad or we have to say something about it in order to protect us. We either want that person to come back, right? Or we want to make sure that nobody else leaves.

Well, we either have to do the work to leave the pack with them to this new exciting place, or we have to make them bad for leaving the pack because we don't want to do the work. And sometimes that's where the fear of success comes in. It's not that we don't know how to do the work. It's not that we don't think we could do the work to get there. It's not that someone else isn't already showing the way. It means we would have to show up. And worse yet, sometimes this fear of success is reinforced because one person leaves, right? They ascend to this different level, and things are exciting, except you hear people in your pack starting to talk about them, and then subconsciously, you say, whoa, if I were to go do the same thing on a different trajectory, then they're probably gonna say the same things about me. And it holds you back. And it's usually never conscious. That's why I say, is it a hidden fear of success? And it's funny, because what holds us back is a couple of things. Number one, we somehow seem to think that we have made unspoken agreements with people that we will always remain the same. The same economic level, the same level of ambition, the same level of curiosity, the same level of accomplishment, except no one stays the same, number one. And number two, you're not supposed to stay the same. So people are operating on these unspoken contracts that they're all going to stay the same. But it is impossible to stay the same. That's number one. Number two, the phrase good is the enemy of great. I think it was first coined by Jim Collins in the book Good to Great. But there is no phrase truer than this. When you've got a good group of friends, when you've got a good circle of influence, what holds you back from being great is you don't want to upset good, right? Hey, my friends are pretty good people. Hey, my friends are, you know, they're doing well. Hey, my friends are pretty good at supporting me. But if I did what it took to stand out, to be different, to work more, to see them less, to get to great, then I am upsetting good. And the punchline is this. When things are horrible, when things hurt, we'll do whatever it takes to avoid that pain. But when things are good, we've lost that motivation to do what? To step through the additional pain it takes to get to great.

Yeah, I'll share the next one. Outside of the social ideas of fear of success, because that's big enough in itself, I find that that is usually the one that most people have and the next one, I think this is more for people who have already had some success, they're now afraid of even bigger success, like next level success. We see this and hear about this all the time, and that is fear that the more that you become successful and the more that you grow, the bigger your workload is going to be. And also, potentially, the bigger the target you could be. Right. Just for so many different things, the bigger the problems that could Arise in your business. And this is a real fear with already successful people. If you've heard from so many people, they kind of like hit this plateau where you hit this number that you just kind of stay stuck at, or this, you know, this level that you just can't seem to get past. It's most likely because there are some things going on that you're afraid of. Have you experienced that, Chris?

I totally have. I mean, this has crept up in my life so many times because I really value freedom. I really value choice. I really value relaxing. Like, at the core, I think I'm a lazy person. Now, outside looking in, you guys are probably like, what? He's insane. I actually really think I'm a lazy person. Like, in my genes, I think I was built to be lazy and enjoy it. Like, I can sit around all day watching movies and you can't. Right? We're built differently. You have to admit that. We're truly built differently. And because of that, I've got this unbeknownst to me, well, now I know about it, but I had this unbeknownst to me fear that not could I get there. I already knew I could get there. Not, what if I failed? I knew it'd be a success, but if I got there, does that demand a workload out of me that robs me of my freedom, of my choice, of my enjoyment of doing what I want to do, not what I have to do, because I highly value those things. And the punchline is this. Yeah, with more success, more work is required, but you get to be smarter and you get to delegate that work, and you get to find other people and empower them and lift them up to help you with the work. And you get to create the most beautiful thing in the world, and that is jobs. And the more successful you are, the more you get to create these great jobs. And now you're giving other people hope and new roles and new responsibility and new rewards by creating great jobs that people love working with. And you can offset the new level of work that is required to get to where you're going. And required once you get there by leveraging that newfound success into recruiting other individuals to help you share that workload. So it doesn't have to be a radical change to the level of workload that you have right now.

Yeah. And you look, you're not going to see the path right away if you're just like, I'm even more afraid of success because I can't even figure out how to do that. You're not going to be able to do it all at once. It's going to be one person at a time, one step at a time with that. The thing that you have to do is you just have to jump in, you have to take the leap and you have to trust. And you also have to go into each project that you're doing or each vision that you're creating with this idea of I'm going to look at how I can delegate, like always looking at how you can create the team, even if that's just getting fricking scrappy and trying to figure out how to delegate, barter, trade and do all those things. And you know, I think for me one of my fears was like, okay, I'm gonna be really busy the next few years and what if my husband, like, I wanna make sure I have time for him and oh my God, what if he doesn't understand? And the biggest thing is communication. Like sometimes I just have to say, I know that you want to go away for a month in the rv, but right now I just need a little bit of time to figure this out because I am in the busiest season. Let's see how we can, you know, compromise. Let's see what this could look like. But for right now, just give me a little bit of space to figure it out. With the holidays and the new year coming, you probably are looking around your house thinking that you would love to upgrade, upgrade and freshen up your environment. And there is no easier way to do that than with your window treatments. Nobody covers windows better than Blinds.com. blinds.com brings your space to life in your way. They have free design help. Other retailers may claim to have experts, but blinds.com has spent nearly 30 years building an award winning team of over 100 design consultants that are ready to help you create your dream space. Always convenient, always tailored to you. Three ways to shop 1. Perfect fit. Whether you want a DIY, have it all done for you or you're somewhere in between, choose what works for you and rest easy knowing the fit is guaranteed. So the holidays come fast, you guys, and you can freshen up your window treatments fast as well. And unlike some competitors, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees and there's zero pressure. From blackout in motorized options to classic shutters, blinds.com has window treatments for every room, style and budget. Even shades your outdoor space. The Black Friday deals@blinds.com are going strong all month long, so don't miss your chance to save big. And as always, our listeners still get $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code earn at checkout. Limited time offer rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You've become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever that just will not alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally because I was so scared to take the leap and I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match. Your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the same dashboard. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy here your first Cha Ching this new year with Shopify by your side.

That's a great point. I love that. Over communicate, right? Create what you need in order to get to the level of success that you want to get to without making it uncomfortable. That's number one. Number two is this. I want you guys to actually work so hard at up leveling a new circle of influence that the fear of success or the fear of change, because that's what it really is, is far outweighed by the fear of staying the same with the same group of people that you have right now. In other words, I want you to have a fear of fitting in and that is up leveling your circle of influence so much that now you're afraid that well, I don't want to have to fit in with the old way of being anymore. Because I see this new way. I see how people are doing it elegantly. I see how people are doing it in a successful way. I see how people are doing it in joy.

Yeah, I think, you know, the thing you have to know is just going there. I think the most important thing to do is let yourself go there. Let yourself look at the fears, like, give yourself some space and be like, what am I really afraid of? And I would write that down. I would think about it, I would ask for support around it, and then I would write down, how can you best support yourself? Who could you talk to? Who's been here before? These are all things that I do is I always try to look at how can I support myself around my actual fear. And also asking who's been here before that. I know that they could ask how to support themselves.

So the punchline is this, guys, a fear of success is really a fear of change. And I promise you, every time that I've gotten to a new level that I was once afraid of, that change was mitigated by the success. Providing resources to help you with that change. It's worth it. It's worth the journey. Step through the fear. I promise you, once you get there, remember, hindsight's 20 20. Looking back, you're going to say, I can't believe at one point I wanted to stay where I was Back then.

Someone in your family and friends group is waiting for you to do the thing. They are waiting for you to prove that it's possible that someone they know did it. Trust me, it's not going to happen. For, you know, your social circle is probably not going to come with you right away, but in two years, three years, five years, it's going to be absolutely insane. The messages you're going to get from people who've been watching silently on the sidelines. Unfortunately, the ones who really are going to do it are a little more quiet in the beginning, and the ones who are against it are real loud. So just remember that the people who want to stop you are allowed, and the people who are cheering you on are really silent, but they are gonna. They are going to be so grateful for you later on.

And speaking of finding people that'll cheer you on and kind of set the bar for you. Lori, what do I do for you? Every single morning when I wake you.

Up, you say a mantra.

Yep, I wake you up to a positive mantra. Because I wake up naturally happy. I wake up naturally positive. And, Lori, you don't wake up positive. Right?

Usually not exactly.

Like, it's not your default. And it is my default.

I'm like, I want to keep sleeping.

And so I'm able to quickly shift her lenses for the day by waking her up to a mantra. I've committed to doing that for you too, for absolutely free. I mean. And, Lori, I have to thank you for this because you're like, heck, you should do this for everybody. Everyone needs to wake up to this. I'm like, oh, my God, I should. So now, every single morning when I wake up, I text you a different positive perspective. Sometimes around business, sometimes around money. But every single morning, literally, just as an act of kindness, I will text you a positive perspective of the day. If you want to get those, text me the word daily at 310-421-0416. Again, just text me the word daily. Text me the word daily to 310-421-0416. And I will text you every single morning when I wake up. A positive perspective of the day.

You guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Give us a tag, let us know what your biggest takeaway was. And until next time, we will see you next week. Bye, everyone.