760. Don't Put All of Your Pleasure in One Basket

Don't put all of your pleasure in one basket. Spread the love, spread it around. Make sure you're enjoying many things so that you don't end up having that one thing also turn into a negative.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere, from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. At rock bottom, we had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not.

Alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing.

We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you, and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. Hey everyone, welcome back to the show.

It's time for another quickie because there's.

Always time to fit in inspiration and I just had a podcast. I had to.

I had to get off of a podcast that was literally one of my favorite. I feel like I say that a lot, but truly this one just so timely rocked my world. I just got off of an interview with Cindy Eckert, who also has something called the Pinkubator where she invests back in women. She sold her company for $1.5 billion. You guys with a B. Yes. That is so incredibly rare. And she created essentially the Viagra for women. And this got us to really chatting about pleasure. It got us chatting about desire in life in general. Not just sexually, but in life in general. Right? Desire and pleasure. And you know what I had the realization of on the podcast? Besides so many freaking things, don't even get me started. About how important it is to have women pull up a seat at the decision making table for other women. You guys have to listen to this podcast. It'll be out in, oh gosh, probably a couple months. So sit tight. But with that said, talking about how important it is to assess our life and make sure that we have lots of moments of joy and pleasure, because what we were talking about was number one, one of the first things we're talking about because she did create this pill to help women get their libido back, was that, you know, a lot of women, especially busy women or you know, high achieving women, older women, whatever, it doesn't matter who our hormones can be off. Different things can off of their chemistry. You know, they're, they've lost pleasure in or they, they've, you know, haven't gotten desire for having sex or for having pleasure in the bedroom. And with that said, what happens when we have all of these different areas of our life that we don't experience pleasure around? Like maybe we hate our jobs. Maybe sex isn't something that's exciting anymore because we're so busy or because we do have something chemically off. Maybe we have no pleasure in our day to day life. Maybe we're eating food bring us pleasure. Maybe we're on healthy eating plans and we're like, we're not taking the time to make our food taste good. Maybe we are, you know, so busy that we're numbing out on things that we think are actually enjoyable, like Instagram, but actually aren't bringing us long term pleasure. What ends up happening when we don't instill or inject or make sure that we have some pleasure in our life is that we are going to be putting all of that pleasure into one thing or one unhealthy thing, or it's going to be so few and far between that we take the things that are pleasureful, like having a cocktail or eating or going out and we are going to run them through the wall. We're going to run it into the ground, we're going to do those things till it's so unhealthy. We're going to binge drink, we're going to binge eat, we're going to stay out late, we're going to maybe do things that are questionable because it feels good to get attention finally, because there's no pleasure in our lives anywhere, that it's actually an extremely negative thing in our lives that will show up later if we don't start taking time to put pleasure in our everyday life. Now, this doesn't mean that you can just take your life right now. If you don't love your job and, you know, you don't love the things necessarily in it or what you're doing, then just be like, yeah, I'm going to inject these things that I think are pleasureful now. Like, Lori, what do you want me to do? You want me to go to this ball all the time, every week? Because I sure love that. And I can't afford it or what? I love Disneyland. Should I be going to Disneyland every week? That's not what I'm saying. I am to an extent saying that of course you should be doing those things. You should be putting things in your calendar to look forward to more often and following through, even though they seem really, really not necessarily in your favor or convenient, right? You're like, oh, I'm too busy throughout. Oh, I'm too tired for that. We should absolute. That's one of the first things that we should do, is inject some things to look forward to every single week, if not every other week, right? Like, okay, well, can we go camping? Could we go to this place over here? Could I go to this restaurant? Could we inject a date into our week so that we can, you know, have something to look forward, like, make sure you have things to look forward to. What I'm also talking about the other 50% of making sure you have pleasure in your life is to start looking at the things that you're doing and seeing how you can reframe your mindset around them or add some things. And I know that I've talked about this before injecting joy, but look at joy also as pleasure, right? So if you are working in your office all day, are you working at a messy desk? Did you turn on the music you like? Could you light a candle? Could you go get your favorite almond milk latte from somewhere and be like, okay, if I work for this next two hours focused, I'm gonna go and take a break and get this little piece of dark chocolate in an almond milk latte, and I'm gonna sit here and I'm just gonna enjoy, like, I'm gonna actually stop working for a minute, and I am gonna savor what this tastes like. And how amazing it is to just, like, have this beautiful little pleasure for myself throughout the day and have a moment to myself. And maybe I'm gonna dream about the future. Or maybe while I have that almond milk latte, I'm gonna take 30 minutes and I am going to look at the next two weeks and see what I really want to do and either book a spa appointment or I'm going to book a lunch with a friend, like, who would I love to see? And I'm going to look at the things that are going to bring me joy. So maybe you add into your calendar like an hour every week or every two weeks where you're actually going to plan out your joy and you're going to make it joyful while you're planning out your joy. For me, I have these moments where I'm like, okay, on Wednesday, if I work really hard on Wednesday, what I'm gonna do in the evening is I'm gonna order takeout from True Food whatever I want, and I'm going to have a glass of wine, and I'm going to online shop at Revolve, and I'm going to you guys. It's one of my favorite websites. So bad. So good. I'm gonna online shop and I'm gonna do this for, like, two hours, and I'm gonna look at all the outfits and I'm gonna think of all of the different things that I could wear. And I'm also gonna. I would love to wear this outfit on. Yeah. So that you're like, you're either with me right now or you're like, that sounds terrible. So I think of different ways to inject pleasure into my week. Even during really busy weeks where I just want to cry all week long, I'm like, okay, I need some things to look forward to, even if they're small things. So, you guys, even if I don't end up buying anything, sometimes I'll just be like, I'm going to add things to my cart that I think I want, and then on Friday, I'm going to see if there's anything in there that I want to keep. So there's just a million different ways to inject pleasure into your day. But I'm telling you, if you don't inject pleasure into your day to day, no matter what that looks like, you know, I now have learned to find pleasure in my workout. Because I'm like, during my workout the whole time, I'm like, I'm so proud of you. I'm so Proud of you for doing hard things while you're building this business. I literally can't believe it. Like, this is incredible that you are, you're staying in shape or you're getting stronger. You're making sure that you're taking care of your health while you're doing this. Like, I'm so proud. And whether you think so or not, you guys, eventually you will find pleasure in taking care of yourself because you'll be so damn proud that you're doing both things, building your business and taking care of yourself. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to find pleasure in my stretch right before and in my stretch after. I'm not going to waste my life dreading everything just because I have to work out, you know, in the future or whatever that looks like. I'm going to try to find pleasure, pleasure in, in the moment. I'm going to try to stop dreading and living in the future and I'm going to be here now. Because a lot of times when you live in the future, you have anxiety. You can't. It robs you of the pleasure in the moment. If you live in the past, you have depression and it robs you of the pleasure in the moment. So a lot of times finding pleasure means getting in the moment and being in the moment.

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So where can you look at your life as one big proud, pleasure filled thing? And whether that sounds crazy to you or not, if you don't start doing this, you're gonna binge on pleasure and it's gonna become a very negative thing and that thing that you find pleasure in will become toxic instead if you spread your pleasure out, meaning you should have a lot of things that bring you pleasure, not just one. I know for me the things that used to bring me pleasure were just going out. It was drinking and eating and it was horrible because the thing that brought me pleasure made me feel like I was also in prison. So it was like I wanna drink, I wanna Eat. But when I do, it makes me feel so bad that then I hate myself for it. Now I have a lot of things that bring me pleasure that I don't binge on, and now I don't hate myself for it. Now I can actually fully be there for them. I can actually fully be present when I'm eating delicious food instead of binging. Because it's not the only thing that brings me ple. And I'm not thinking, oh, my God, on Monday, I have to go back to just broccoli and chicken and workouts so hard that I don't get any pleasure from my workouts. They're horrible. They're torture. It's beating myself up. It's holding myself accountable for what I ate. I don't look at workouts that way either. Everything I do now, I try to look at how this can bring me pleasure and how I can be proud of it and how I can spread my pleasure out so it's not just one thing on the weekend or binge eating. For me, it's really hard now because I competed for so long, and I know a lot of people doing 75 hard, which I think is absolutely epic. But for me, I can't postpone pleasure that long, meaning some of the things that I think are pleasureful. I like to bring in food, certain foods. I like to bring in a glass of wine or two throughout the week. I like those things that spread my pleasure out so that it doesn't feel like I have to wait for some of the things that I want to do now. In the beginning, I had to do that. I actually had to do things like 75 hard, I actually had to do. So I actually think it's vital for people who have zero discipline or have never felt like they to have good discipline or for people who just haven't learned how to create that discipline muscle. I had to compete in fitness in order for me to understand that I could go a long time without these things and I could postpone pleasure. But now that I've learned how to have some control, I had to inject it back in. So maybe you're in that space. Maybe you had to get that discipline muscle and you had to do those things. But now you're like, wow, I really wanna break free of having to do these things in order to feel the way I wanna feel. Like I need to start living a more balanced, consistently pleasureful life while keeping these things, but maybe not at such an extreme place. So it might be for you, looking at. I know that if I spread this pleasure out, that I'm going to find a balance within here. So I hope that you guys took something from this. I hope that maybe it helped give you an aha moment, you know, that maybe you are putting all of your treasure in one. Wow. Treasure. Yes. I hope that you're. Don't you love that? Those Freudian slips where you're like, oh, that's pretty cool. Putting all of your pleasure in one basket. Wow. I didn't even think of that until right now. So don't put all of your pleasure in one basket. Spread the love. Spread it around. Make sure you're enjoying many things so that you don't end up having that one thing also turn into a negative. All right, you guys, sending you so much love. Until next time, earn your happy. Bye. Bye.