786. Replace Apologies with Abundance Actions

I want to make sure that I can fully show up and be myself and not show up the next day and apologize. But it starts with me not going back and apologizing for me being me. And I hope that this gives you permission to get all of your energy back for where you might be putting it out right now. If you have a good intention, you're speaking your truth, then don't go. Clean it up. Let it be okay even if you are misunderstood. Understood?

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you' alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration and I have a huge favor to ask if you have ever gotten value from this podcast. It would mean the world to me if you went to lightpink.com and you sign up for our incredible newsletters that we're going to be creating. I am telling you, you're not going to want to miss this. So if you just take one second right now paus me and go to lightpink.com and enter in your email, it would mean the absolute world to me. And I'm going to tell you why is because number one, we can't do life or business alone, as my friend Lindsay Schwartz always Sundays. And number two, we have to start learning to show up for other women, to do big asks and to take time out of every single day to support another woman, another woman's business so that we truly can lift each other up and propel. I will tell you that I see this all the time with my husband and his friends and it's something that I want to adopt in not only in my life, but to teach other women what it really looks like to network and truly support each other, look out for each other, speak each other's names in rooms of opportunity and really show up for each other's businesses. So I'm hyper intentional about shopping females, shopping from my friends, supporting my friends, supporting their events, whatever that looks like you guys. So if you'd go right now, that would mean the absolute world to me. I will absolutely know who went on the list because I'm going to be peeking at it and it just like every single name on there means everything. So with that said, I want to talk today about apologizing. So I'm not apologizing for all of my asks and I don't want you to either. And there was a time in my life when I apologized for every single thing that I did or said. And true self care is letting people be wrong about you. It's allowing your character to do the talking. I'm gonna say that one more time. True self care is letting people be wrong about you and allowing your character to do the talking. Reputation is what people think of you and your character is truly how you show up in the world and what you do. So I want you to remember that when you're taking so much time to apologize or to think about something that you wish you said differently. Or maybe you should go back and make sure they truly understand what you meant. Or maybe you should spend all of your day correcting something that you did and making sure people understand you. And there is a place that when you come from a true loving intention and you do your best, that you don't have to go back and be the cleanup crew for all of the things that you meant right or for all of the ways that you showed up or for the moments that you did your best and said the things that you meant in the moment. Of course there are times that we wanna go back and of course there are times that are called for going back and maybe having a discussion, but majority of them do not. I even had a moment today. I had some friends over the other night and it's like some of the things that I said, I was really speaking my truth and speaking my mind and it felt really good in the moment and I knew that it would help them move the needle and I really wanted them to know, you know, how I felt. And I was being completely honest. And the next day I was like, God, should I have said that? That was like brutal honesty and God, should I go back and tell them like, hey, I just, I really hope you're okay. And you know, I thought I. I thought by doing that that I would really help you. And I'm not sure. And today I'm feeling kind of stupid about it and I was like, you know, I just feel like I want to be around people who let it be okay that I do that. I just, I want to make sure that the people that I'm hanging out with, if they have a problem with it, they'll speak their mind and let me know or ask me about it. I want to make sure that I can fully show up and be myself and not show up the next day and apologize. But it starts with me not going back and apologizing for me being me. And I hope that this gives you permission to get all of your energy back for where you might be putting it out right now and thinking about the things you wish you could have said, you should say or maybe you should go back and clear up in hopes that they don't think badly about you. If you have a good intention, you're speaking your truth, then don't go clean it up. Let it be okay. Even if you are misunderstood, this is a self love and self care practice. The deepest one that you can possibly do is to let it be okay. That people misunderstand you or don't like you. Let it be okay. It is what it is. Because the people who are meant for you will not leave you and they will not miss you. The people who are meant for your journey will always find you. You cannot miss what is for you. So I want you to look at all of the places that you've been putting your thoughts and your energy into and I want you to work on slowly getting them back. So when you notice that you want to go apologize or you want to play that story on loop and feel bad about it over and over, just say nope, it is what it is. It is what it is. I have faith that it's going to be okay. Instead, I choose to think about this right? It is what it is. I want to be around the people who have grace and love and can handle a conversation of truths and who can step up to the plate if there is something that they want to talk about or go over or have something to say to me.

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Conversations that we start having with each other is you know I value our friendship so much that I want to feel completely free to speak my mind. But the only way that I can do that is if I know that you feel completely free to speak yours when there is something that's coming up for you. Can we just give a truce to that? Can we just say that this is how we're going to be and that is something that is going to be so incredibly freeing. And for the people who do talk about you or who do say things, trust me, it is their journey to learn from that and is also your journey to let go of that. It's a gift. So I hope that this helps because apologizing is one of the main things that will stop you from becoming your highest self. Because you are telling the universe that it is not okay to be you. You're telling your creator that you are not grateful for all of the messy and the greatness that you are, and that you're not willing to learn the lesson. But instead you're just going to keep on apologizing for something that you didn't do right or for something that may not be wrong. You're apologizing for the beautiful gifts that you are and the beautiful experiences that you get to learn from. So I went to a I remember I went to a train, the trainer. It was about Three weeks long. And it was spread out throughout the year. So it was three meetings of one week each. And they were super intensive. It was like 7 in the morning until some nights felt like 10 or 11 at night. And I walked into the room to learn how to facilitate, to train, to do personal development. I didn't realize the amount of exercises and breakthroughs we were going to do and have. And one of the women that was there, I know that I've shared this before, but I have to say it again. She truly reminded me that I say I'm sorry all of the time and to stop apologizing. And every time I would apologize, which was like a hundred times a day, she would say, don't be sorry, be you. And it was in front of a large group of people. And every single time I was like, damn it, Julie. Like, you're so embarrassing. But it got so locked in. So I want you to reference that. I want you to just say in your head, stop apologizing. Don't be sorry. Be you or don't be sorry. Let it be okay? It's all gonna be great. What is your reference that you're gonna say to yourself, that affirmation afterward? Cause that's all that matters is what you say to yourself afterward. That's going to matter. So you need to come up with one. Because if you think you're gonna have a podcast or speak on stage or maybe you already do and you're finding that you're just beating yourself up with perfectionism, what is that thing that you're going to say after the action is done? I can't tell you how many times I've gotten off stage and I'm like, oh my God, what did I say? Oh, my gosh. Were they upset that I swore on stage? Oh my gosh, I feel so bad about X, Y and Z. Oh my gosh, I should go and ask them if everything's okay. No. It is the deepest, deepest personal development and self love practice to say it is what it is. I had the best intentions and it's all good. Just gonna let that go and make peace with it. Make peace with it, sister. I'm telling you, make peace with it. Take a deep breath, give it to God, say a prayer and let go. Get all of that precious time back so that you can put it all into your mission, your vision, and creating beautiful, epic days where you get to serve and be in your higher purpose. So I'm sending you so much love today. You guys are the absolute best. I am in deep, deep, deep gratitude for my podcast, meaning all of you and all of you who listen and all of you who show up and, you know, four years in and I just. Every single time I get to sit here, I'm grateful for this modality to talk with you and therapies together. I just really don't know what I'd do without you. So I'm just sending you so much love today, and until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.