788. This Attachment Could Be Holding You Back!

If you were on a road trip and you were excited about where you were going and two hours in you realized you were going the wrong direction down the wrong highway, would you just keep going? Because you already have two hours invested into that road trip and you're, you're worried about what the other people in the car are going to say about you if you, if you admit that you're going the wrong direction. No, you'd bite the bullet. You turn that car around, you'd backtrack and you'd go the right direction for you foreign.

Welcome to the Earn your Happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere, from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate, and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you, and you're going to anoint yourself because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform. Want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said.

And we're gonna be talking about this one thing that's probably holding a lot of you back. That is yet another superpower that we've had. So we talked about in the past that, you know Some of our super can't talk today. Super flubbers. What's a super flubber?

I don't know. Tell me what your super flubber is. Cause I'm so excited to hear about it.

We're talking about some of our superpowers in the past are things like, you know, we don't get too attached to things, we're flexible, et cetera. And this other one is kind of similar, but also very different. And I know it holds a lot of you back, and that is being attached to permanency. Like, I swear, this is something that our parents generation must have raised us with, right? Like, think about what we were taught growing up. When I'm thinking of permanency. We were taught that you're supposed to grow up and be with one company forever and then retire from it, right? That's a form of permanency. We were taught that you grow up and you find a spouse and you stay with them forever. Which I'm glad I found my forever spouse. But it holds other people back from maybe moving on to a relationship that serves them right. That's permanency. We were taught that it'd be silly to frivolously choose where you want to live and bounce around the world. And instead you need roots and you need to be responsible. Well, that's permanency. And here we find ourselves in a period of life where we don't know where we want to live. And we're kind of in this mode of like, hey, you know what? Scottsdale turned out not to be for us? It was a experiment. We'll still spend a lot of time there because we have a lot of friends and family there that we love to death. But we still need somewhere else that feels like our spot. And we're trying to figure out what that is. And the beautiful thing is we're okay with being like, let's buy a house in this city now and try this city. Let's buy a place in this town and try that town. Because we're not attached to permanency.

Well, a lot of times I think that we start to associate where we live and what we do with our identity. I get asked this question a lot, actually, Chris, with light pink. Like, people are like, weren't you scared to go and do something totally different that you weren't known for, that people don't even know who you are in that industry? Like, none of your credibility carries over into this industry. And first and foremost, I'm like, well, thanks for that. But for real, these Are all things that are going to stop people, right? Because they're like, wait, I don't know anything about that, or I don't know anything about that city. What are people gonna think of me? Like, if I'm just up and trying all of these different things, am I gonna seem flaky? Am I, you know, it seems too scary? I don't know anybod. Or maybe it doesn't fit the current identity that you think that you have, but have you tried it on? And I think that this is one of the things that if you can just go and not feel attached and not care if it doesn't work out, like, go and try things. Go try on that career. Go try on working for that other person. Go try on entrepreneurship. Like, yeah, I'm not saying just to go and be super flighty and try things all the time, that all of a sudden nothing is working for you, because the second things get hard, you're. But there are clear things that are going to shine through that. I think that you should be asking yourself a few questions. And Chris, I would love to know that we can come up with some of the questions that we're asking ourselves right now. What are some questions that they should be asking so they know they're just not flying?

What's the worst that can happen? What's the worst that can happen? Listen, if you feel like you're being called to make a move in any form, way, shape or form, right? And you're scared because maybe it goes against the trend and maybe you're not sure it's going to work out. Here's the question we always ask ourselves. What's the worst that can happen?

And is it worse or better than where you're at right now?

Because most times if you play that. That movie to the end, you're going to discover that the worst case scenario.

Is already what you're living.

Is already what you're living. Maybe it's just in a different town, or maybe it's just with a different person, or maybe it's just in a different career. But the worst case scenario is what you're already living.

This is so interesting because I have major attachments to people in the Scottsdale area already. But what I'm noticing is that we just don't actually do as much with people as we think.

So what if I see him as often physically? Exactly.

What if we actually got really intentional, which I feel like we're getting more and more intentional with people and either going on more trips or having More.

People do our house.

So it's kind of like cities.

Could you do the same amount of those things that you are loving, whether that's in your job or whether that's in the place that you live? Could you get intentional, keep the good parts of whatever it is that you're afraid of leaving and then go create even more greatness in this new thing that you're doing? So we get so attached to certain things that we build into the entire story and think that it takes up all of this time and that we're doing things all the time. And it's like when we really look back on how often we're seeing certain people or doing certain things, things that we love in certain areas or even at jobs like, or certain things that we're doing in our business, how many of those things are you actually loving? And how can you create that maybe more intentionally, and doing even more things that you love in a different area, a different job, a different group of people.

People stay in bad situations that don't serve them because they're so damn attached to permanency. They're worried that other people are going to think that they're flighty or that they're bounce around too much or that they shouldn't switch careers so much. Listen, I've been using this analogy a lot to a lot of my clients, but at the end of the day, if you're on a road trip and you were excited about where you were going, and two hours in you realized you were going the wrong direction down the wrong highway, would you just keep going? Because you already have two hours invested into that road trip, and you're. You're worried about what the other people in the car are going to say about you if you, if you admit that you're going the wrong direction. No, you'd bite the bullet. You'd turn that car around, you'd backtrack, and you'd go the right direction for you. And that is a great metaphor for if you are not in a situation that's aligned for you, stop being so attached to what other people might think or to this idea that a lot of us were brought up with, of permanency and go live a frivolous life full of experiences and full of moments and people that truly, in the end, that's what adds up to a rich life. Yeah.

And I think here's something that we always do and we write a list of objections, whether it's from us or from our loved ones or from the people that we think are going to have these thoughts or this story that we're making up on why we can't.

Right.

And if it's not us, we make it up to be the people around us, maybe it's our loved ones and our family. You need to write a list of those objections and you need to come up with either a plan or a way that you can take whatever their objection is and overcome it. Or show how you're going to meet in the middle or show how you're still gonna make those people important. So that when you're having this conversation not only with yourself but in the decision making process and also maybe with the people who you need to have it with, that you've already thought all of this out, that you've already thought of them, that you've already created the plan. And I think that's where people are. You know, in the past that's where we have gone wrong, is we didn't include people already into the plan. Mean we might have said it in our head and we might have said it to each other, but did we actually go and make them feel like they had been thought about within this plan? So maybe it's your boss at work, maybe it's a partner, a co founder, a business partner. A business partner. If people feel thought about and intentional and how are you going to include them moving forward or how are you gonna make this a beautiful clean break that's great for both parties. Those are the things that people care about. And if you thought about it in a loving way, if you were really int intentional and it still isn't taken in a good way, well then that was the most that you could do. And you your job then is to make peace with it and let it be okay. That it's their journey to not be okay.

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And I've been talking a lot on my podcast about you know how one of the most the biggest acts of self love is to not have to make other people okay with you.

Wow.

Is to let it be okay that people don't think that you're okay. And I think that, that, that if we could get right with that, then we'll be able to move authentically on our own path. And you'll be amazed at how it ends up coming full circle. It actually ends up somehow always serving other people when we follow authentically our path, even the ones who don't like it in the beginning.

Yeah, you're right. It's funny. I'm not gonna share them, but there's literally examples where people were like, just they hated the choices that we made in life in the past and then they ended up loving them. Right. Because, you know, everyone benefited from it in the end. So I love that. Just good perspective. So, guys, listen, stop holding yourselves back. Stop being so damn attached to permanency. Stop caring what other people think. It's funny when you're saying it, Lori. I literally thought of this quote. Maybe I'll go throw it on my Instagram. But love yourself more than you love the idea of what other people think of you.

Oh, damn, that's good.

Yeah, right, I'll go check that on the gram. All right, guys, listen, by the way, quick heads up. We just literally yesterday launched Early Bird for our last Fast Foundations mastermind ever. And I don't mean ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. But probably, possibly ever. Definitely. We're not doing another one for the next year or two. So if you want to be in this very last round of our mentorship, it's literally the only way you can get mentored in business by Lori. By the way, if you want to be in this very last round, it's four months long. It'll change your business, therefore it'll change your life. It's totally virtual. And we're making this our give back round. By our give background, what we mean is we decided this one's not about profit because it's our last one. This one's about making it accessible to all the people who ever wanted to get into it but couldn't. So we have made this round less than half of the investment of all the other rounds of FAST Foundation. So if you're an entrepreneur, if you are making zero to 500 grand a year, if you want to be trained by us virtually, ask us about your business live Q and A, have a one on one business coach, all the things. It really is a legendary program. Then all you have to do is go to Fast Foundations with an s@the end.com fastfoundations.com or you can text me the word fast and you can ask me questions about it. We'll banter back and forth and I'll shoot you the link. If there's any spots available, go to fastfoundations.com, join Lori and I virtually for the next four months. It's our sprint together into 2022. In the meantime, thanks for listening. We always love and appreciate you.

We'll see you next time.