799. The Unexpected Power of Making Unreasonable Requests

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Whatever you have that you can put out there will make it easier for you to spot opportunities. Some people try it the opposite way. What do I need? What do I need? What do I need? And that is the absolute wrong way to go about making unreasonable requests. Foreign.

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I was intro by way of a friend, and sometimes I really believe that that is the best way to find the best people is through introduction. So Stephanie Burns is on the show today, and she's the founder of the Wild Agency, which is an amplification and visibility agency focusing on building the legacy and personal brands of company found. With a background in brand building, media buying strategy, and entrepreneurship, Stephanie has wide experience with an eclectic portfolio of industries. After being a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune, she used her winnings to launch her previous company, Chic CEO, which was an online resource for over 100,000 female entrepreneurs. With an MBA in marketing, she's also a contributor to Forbes Women and Entrepreneur, and has been featured in notable press outlets like Fast Company, Wall Street, Fox Business, amex, Open, Cosmopolitan, and the New York Times. This is a soul conversation. You're going to love it.

Let's get started. Stephanie, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on.

Oh, thanks so much for having me. I'm really excited.

Oh, man, we had the best conversation. I don't know. That was a few months ago now.

Yeah.

Um, I was in Park City and just randomly we had this appointment and I kept it, and I'm so freaking glad that I did because it was just one of those conversations where I think we were connecting over you writing an article, because you also write for Forbes, you writing an article, and we ended up just kind of talking about everything in life. And that was the moment that I was like, I don't want this conversation to end. I definitely need to have her on the podcast. And I'm so glad that I have you here because you talk about of my favorite topics, and that is unreasonable requests. So we're going to jump into that in just a little bit. But before we do that, why don't you tell everyone a little bit about what you do and just kind of where this concept of unreasonable requests came from.

Sure. So, gosh, from the beginning, I had a company called Chic CEO, and it's an online web resource for female entrepreneurs, helping them get their businesses up and running from, you know, how to get your ein to how to set up your llc. And I started that back in. Yeah, I started that back in 2010 because, well, I actually, the idea for it came back in, like, 2008. I believe all of my girlfriends were getting laid off, if you remember. Everybody was getting laid off from their jobs.

Yeah, we lost everything, literally. Our home, everything at that time.

Oh, yeah, you remember. So all of I was in grad school at the time. I was getting my mba. So all of my girlfriends kept coming to me asking me, you know, how do I get a business started? I need to pay my bills. I need to, like, do something on the side. And I kept saying, well, I'm not. I don't know. And finally, after getting this question so many times, I finally said, why are. Why are all of you asking me this? I have no idea. I'm not. You're getting your mba, aren't you, like, learning how to do this stuff? And said, no, I'm not learning how to start a business. That's not what you learn when you're getting your mba. You're learning how to run a business. Global marketing and strategic management and statistics, and all of these things that no startup entrepreneur ever really needs to know and understand. So finally, I got all of my girlfriends together. I was living in San Diego at the time, and so I got all of my girlfriends together and gave them a bunch of wine. And we just sat down and we talked and talked and talked. It was so fun. And I finally thought to myself, okay, If I have 15 of just my girlfriends sitting in my living room wondering how to get a business started. And these girls are smart, right? They're smart. They are super rad, resourceful, smart women. If they can't find the answers.

What.

Is happening right now? You know, this is craziness to me. Starting a business is not rocket science. It happens every day. There has to be a checklist somewhere. Well, so I decided I would go find that checklist for them. And I couldn't find it either. So that's when I decided to create Chic CEO was to give those girls, those women and those friends of mine, something to follow. The ABCs, the 1, 2, 30rees of how to get a business started. And what I realized was that my friends wanted it, but I didn't realize how many women out in the world needed it. So Chic CEO grew. A few months after I launched it. It took me about a year to research, write, plan, launch it. A few months after that, I actually brought on a business partner, my friend Jodi, in order to get the business started. I was actually on the game show Wheel of Fortune, and I won some money. And so the money that I won on Wheel of Fortune, I used to get the website created. So after that, there was no more money. So Jody and I. Jody and I had. We had no idea what, you know, how to get this thing off the ground. And so we were, we were doing everything we could think of. We were going to networking events three or four times a week.

Oh, man.

Oh, yeah. Breakfast events, lunch events, events, cocktail hours.

It was a lot of energy.

A lot of energy. And so that is when we decided that we needed to create our own networking events. Because we thought to ourselves, what would be a better way to bring people to us? And we can still meet all of these people and talk about our business in a way that doesn't absolutely drain us. So that is when, yes, I feel that that's when we decided we needed to have our own networking events for women in San Diego. So our very first event was we wanted it to be at the W Hotel. And so Jody called the W Hotel and said, we want to hold an event in your lounge area on a Wednesday night. We want to bring about 100 women, but we need you to buy the drinks and appetizers. And they were like, okay. And she's like, great. So we get off the phone, we set this whole thing up. And her husband at the time was running networking events in San Diego. And he was, he says to her, well, what's your food and Bev minimum? She's like, what? And he's like, well, what did they say? That you had to pay in minimum food and Bev? And she's like, no, I told them they had to pay for it. And they said, okay. And he's like, what? And that. He's like, that's never happened. Yeah. No, that was when we realized that we had just made our very first unreasonable request. We had asked for something crazy. Yeah.

I was literally like, wait, I've never asked for that. Why did I, Why have I never done that? I've always had to pay the minimum.

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Yes yes. We we scaled that that event series into la, into Portland into New York using this one unreasonable request. We never paid for food and bed minimums ever. And so we called it boot scrapping. Getting scrappy while you're bootstrapping. And once we started to realize that once we could make these crazy, unreasonable requests that we were getting yeses way more often than we're getting. Actually. I couldn't even tell you a time where we got a no, but we would start asking for crazy stuff. And a lot of the times it was to make ourselves giggle, you know, just like, for fun. But, you know, when you don't have anything in the beginning, you have to start. You have to start asking. And that's kind of where the concept of unreasonable requests came from. From that point forward, we really baked it into our company culture. Our team members started doing it. We started to build a framework around it. And so it's something I'm really passionate about is really getting out there and getting a little unreasonable to asking for the things that you need and you want, especially for your business.

Oh, my gosh. Okay. So this is. I am, like, so jacked right now to want to go actually ask for a lot of things, because my muscles, like, definitely growing in this arena. But you just made me realize that I am, like, playing super small still. Okay, So I have been making really unreasonable requests in this company that I'm starting, and it's been the only way that it's happening. Like, it's the only way that I have raised money. It's the only way that I've gotten anything done. But I'm also realizing you're opening up this kind of like when I. When now that I'm thinking of going to market and marketing and all of the things that we're going to want to do. Like, especially with events like, you just opened up, why would I not. Why would I not try for the big things to first and use different negotiating tactics? So let's get into kind of, I think first, let's go over the emotional side of what happens when we do this, because we're going to talk all about the great things and where it can be used, But I think we need to foundationally set people up for all the shit that comes up around that comes up when. When we say this, we're like, yes, unreasonable requests. And we're like, yeah, jump on this train. It's going to be amazing. And then when you go to do it, like, you're gonna feel sick. Like, you're gonna feel like you either need to go to the bathroom or throw up or all of the above. Like, it really is a crazy, crazy experience that really shakes your whole sense of being as a human. It really makes you think about your worthiness and all of those things. So let's start there into. Tell me about kind of those first moments of realizing, number one, that this was. This was the only way things were gonna get done. Like, that you wanted to get done. And then, number two, that this was like, really kind of shaking you as a human being. And how did you cope with that?

Yeah. So one thing that I wanna say, too, about making unreasonable requests is by just even listening to this concept, you can't unstretch your brain from that. There's so many times where I've had a conversation just about the concept of unreasonable requests where people's minds are so stretched that they just can't ever go back. So they just give themselves kind of that permission to go out and ask a little bit bigger and be a little bit bigger. And that's one of the things that I love about this concept in its entirety is just that just even hearing it makes us feel. Feel like we're expanding. But when, you know, it's important to understand that the term unreasonable is different for all of us. Right. So what's unreasonable for you may not be so unreasonable for me. Or, you know, what's unreasonable for this person over here may not be unreasonable for that person. So it's not about going out and asking for the biggest, craziest thing you can think of at the time. It's literally about asking for maybe the thing that's 1% above your threshold of what's uncomfortable for you. And that could be anything. That could be asking for the table by the window. That could be asking for an orgasm from your partner. So it's really about getting uncomfortable and stretching yourself that can make us feel all woozy. So don't feel like you have to go for the massive thing. I could tell you, you know, more huge, unreasonable requests I've made from this point forward, from going to Bali on my honeymoon, from, you know, finding event space in Times Square for one of our events in New York, so you don't even have to go that big. So one thing to remember about making an unreasonable request is it's not asking for things for free. That is absolutely not what it is. If that's what you get, that's lovely, but that is not what it is. Asking for something unreasonable is about an exchange of value. And so what Jody and I were finding when we were making some of these big requests was that we were oftentimes getting a yes because we first brought value that was important to the other person. And for us, a monetary exchange wasn't in the cards for us because we were a brand new business. We didn't have any money, but we did have other things of value, such as a community, such as our email newsletter list or any other things that we had. So the first thing to remember about an unreasonable request is that you have things in your toolbox. You have things of value that you can bring to other people in exchange. And that is the very most important thing, is to understand that there's value that you have that you're going to need to bring that to the table in order to feel better about making unreasonable requests. If you're feeling like you're getting stretched, is to remember that the outcome, whether it's a yes or a no, is simply data. It is not. You're a horrible person. It is not. You're the greatest person in the world. It's none of that has nothing to do with you. It is simply data. And usually the data will tell you is if you brought enough value to the ask. So if you get a no, you didn't bring the right amount of value or the right type of value to the ask. If it's a yes, then you absolutely did. So if you get a no, just got to evaluate, okay, that wasn't enough value or that wasn't what that person needed or that company needed or that brand partner needed and to revise your ask and maybe try again or try with a new target. I'm just kidding. You know what I'm saying? And so that really helps keep it almost technical for me when I'm making a big ask. Another thing that I've noticed that is helpful, especially for women, for us, is that when we're going to make a big ask, it's easier to make a big ask on the behalf of someone else or something else that you deeply care about. So a nonprofit that you deeply care about, or you know, a friend that you deeply care about, it's easier for us to go out and make unreasonable requests on somebody else's behalf. So if you feel like that is a way for you to practice and to make your muscles bigger, then go for it. Like find your favorite nonprofit. Go start asking for crazy stuff for them. Bring in the value and that helps to ease the anxiety that that brings.

To.

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Were there different ways that you learned about how to bring value? Are there questions that you ask or go into when you look at a company that you want to work with or the event? Let's just use event spaces for instance. I would love some examples for people to understand that value can come in so many different forms that maybe they're not seeing. So what was some of the value that you brought to the people for event spaces? Or go ahead and use whatever example comes to your mind.

Yeah, yeah. So you know when we launched our networking events in New York, for example, we found a venue in it was a brand New hotel that had a rooftop bar, and they agreed to host our event for 100 women. They'd pay for the first cocktail and appetizers, and we just basically had to show up and collect our registration money.

Sorry, this is blowing my mind because I've hosted so many events, so I know that this. I'm like, tell me all the things, go ahead.

I know it's crazy. And the reason why it was valuable to them was it was because it was the night before their grand opening. Nobody knew who they were. Typically on like a random Wednesday night, maybe not in Times Square, but certainly in San Diego, you don't find 100 people to walk through your door and buy a drink. So typically if we brought 50 to 100 women, they would buy a second drink. They would get a drink on the house and then they would buy a second drink. So some of them would actually stay for dinner if it was a restaurant. And so now they just had 50 people walk through their door. Let's just say half of them bought a second drink. Maybe 10 of them stayed for dinner. That probably wouldn't have happened, you know, any other Wednesday night. They now know about your establishment, they've tried your menu. Now they're probably going to come back. We have marketing channels that we marketed their restaurant or venue to, talked about it in our email newsletters, put it on our website, any press or media that we did. So they got free advertising as well. So it really was a good value exchange for them. They could go out and do all that stuff on their own too, or they could spend the money on food and a drink. So it really was a value exchange for them as much as it was for us. So that's really what we had to think about. Okay, what does a brand new restaurant want? They want customers. They want people to come in and sample their menu. They want people to just walk through the door. And so that's really the value that we brought to them. And that's really what you have to think about is what can I bring to them? And that's the first step of making an unreasonable request, is making sure that you understand what you can bring to the table first. So I always tell people, make an inventory of your skillset and your assets. Even if it's, you know, I can make a website or I have a truck that I don't use on the weekends, or, you know, I'm a bookkeeper or I teach yoga classes, it doesn't matter. Whatever you have that you can put out there will make it easier for you to spot opportunities. Some people try it the opposite way. What do I need? What do I need? What do I need? And that is the absolute wrong way to go about making unreasonable requests. You will miss so many potential opportunities if you don't first understand what you can give before you're looking for what you can get. And that is a very important to understand.

Oh, man. You know, and there's so many. So there's so many things. Things about this that I just want to share because I'm sure that you, especially with. With what you've done with hosting events and, and just growing your own company, then having something of value that other people then want to be a part of, like maybe they want to speak there or, you know, would it be highlighted there, whatever that is. I'm just thinking of so many people who listen to this. Like they either want to be on. They want to be on podcasts, or they want to be in magazines, or they want to be on stages. And I can tell you that I've been on the receiving end of a lot of requests to be on an event that I host that is usually like 500 women, and it was for nine years in a row. So I would get so many requests on speaking. And I completely under. I understand that people want to do that, but this is where this exact concept is so valuable if that's people's goals. Because I would get requests that just say, hey, I've got a great story. They've never spoken before, but they're like desperate to speak on stage. And it's not that they don't have a great story, but they don't come in with anything that they are offering to me. Not realizing that this is also a business for me that I have to make money on because I'm spending so much money on putting the event on. And I spend an entire year planning it, paying my entire team to help me plan it. And it's like, it's that moment of going, oh, they don't get it yet. They don't understand the value exchange that for them to be on the stage is a huge value. And I need to see that you bring value too. So whether that is they have an audience or this message is just like proven to be like, bang on and people freak out and they have the experience and they show me the data essentially of what value they're going to bring to me, then unfortunately, it's hard to explain to people that it doesn't mean I don't think you're amazing. And that you have a great story, it means this is not an equal energy and value exchange for me. So that's why I think this is so empowering for people to hear, because instead of taking it personal, you literally just said you can't take it personal. Look at the data.

Exactly. Exactly. And I call that the win, win, win. Right? When I first started Chic CEO and our community started to get pretty big, we grew it to over 120,000 women. And people would come and say, I've got this course and if you promote it, then I'll give you 50% as an affiliate. I'm like, well, that sounds, you know, and I'll give your community 30% off or something. You know, that sounds great for you, and that sounds great for my community. But all that sounds like is extra work for me. Like, you just put extra work for me. You want me to allocate my resources to your product. And so that sounds like a win, win, lose for me. So same, same. You know, in all my events, people would want to come speak, but they never, you know, came with the value. Like, here's what I would like to offer you in exchange. And even I write, like I said, I write for Forbes, and even that, there's so many people that pitch that don't come in with value there too. Nowadays with media, right? A lot of the contributors that you're going to find on Forbes and Entrepreneur and all these different media outlets are business owners. They've got a business to run. My Forbes column isn't my business. Right. That's not how I make all of my money. So for me to just stop everything that I'm doing just to work on telling your story without you saying, I'm going to promote the article or I'm going to send it out and help get the word out about it, which is what contributors need. It just feels like I'm working for you instead of working for my business. So no matter what you're doing, you really do need to bring value to it. What your part is in it, what you're willing to put into it, too. And so you're right. That is a very, very valuable lesson for anybody that's trying to get their career started or their business started and they want to create partnerships is, how can we do this together? What value am I bringing? When Jodi and I first started Chic CEO and we were trying to grow our email newsletter database, we would do email newsletter swaps with people. And we knew that if we were coming to somebody who had, you know, 40,000 people in their database, and we were only at 5,000 at the time that if we were asking you to do one newsletter for us, we were going to do four for you, period. So that it was an equal exchange of value. We weren't just asking for a handout. So thank you for bringing that up because I think that's a really, really valuable lesson to learn.

I mean, it just. It's. It's making me just kind of like, think about. It's such an important thing to think about all of the time, especially in your business. Because I do believe that this is the main. I think it's the main path to creating a lot that you exactly what you want to create. Because we can't do it alone. We are not the puzzle in its entirety. We are just the piece, and we need to all the pieces that we can do all of these different value exchanges. It truly is like. It's like old times where you're just going and kind of like bartering. It is. It really is like if you, yes, you can pay for so many things. And I do think that value exchange is very important as well. But it's. I find it's like you can also do this and kind of like use all of it to supplement so much of what you don't have in the beginning. And then you can also do this as you grow. And I think it's what you have to do for your company if you really want to grow in the way that you want to grow. So I know that you have spoken in front of tons of audiences with this topic. I would love to hear some of the questions that come up around it. What are the obstacles? What are the things that people are saying in their brain that they're like, that all sounds great, but this.

Well, I think everybody has already resigned themselves to a no. You know, that's what we. That's the thing that we're trying to overcome, really, with unreasonable requests, is that we think that we're automatically hitting a big no when we haven't even asked yet. We have no idea.

Oh, my gosh.

Why do we do that? Why do we do that?

Why? We're not doing that anymore. No more.

No, it's ridiculous and it's no fun. No, like, making unreasonable requests is really pretty hilarious. You know, it's really fun and it's really funny. And Jodi and I would just giggle. I mean, we just would just die laughing. And it was almost like a one up of what the other person could do. That was so ridiculous. And then it just, we kept getting yeses that we had to get a little more intentional, you know, intentional about what we were asking for because it would just get wild. But you know, it's that. But it's almost like you can either have a 100% no or you could have a 50. 50 yes. Right. And so it just really is. You will be so surprised that how often you get a yes when you really craft a good request that has equal value, an equal value exchange. But it really is coming up with that and feeling comfortable about it. But it's not that, that, it's not that we don't necessarily want to ask. It's we just already have accepted the no. And that's really what we have to overcome is deciding that we don't want to do that.

Oh my gosh. So let's talk about those moments of sending the first emails or text messages. Like, what are people, what are they going to think of me? Oh my God. Because I know that I have sent some that I'm like, oh my God, I literally can't believe I just asked for that. They're either gonna be like, this girl is insane. I never wanna work with her again. Or they're gonna tell like their other higher up friends, like, this girl's needy. Keep her out of your circle. Like all of the things that go through my mind when I send these things and then none of it happens, but it is like stomach dropping, make you sick. Like, is there certain wording that you use for it so that you can just know that you sent an unreasonable request, but also that you feel good about it? What?

Let's not talk about the wording first.

Because I do want to talk about that specifically next. But let's talk about sending it, the feeling of sending it and what you do to have yourself be at more peace after you do it.

Well, I think you just really do have to remember that the outcome is just data and that an unreasonable request should probably never be made in an act of definition desperation either.

Yeah.

Because whatever the outcome should be. Yeah. It should not be like, you know, I might go to prison if you say no or something like that. It shouldn't be really crazy. So you should be okay whether you get there. Yes or no. That's probably the best thing to start there is to remember that there's no, there's, there's nothing's going to change with a yes or no. You know, that everything's still going to be okay. And then if you're really feeling tender about it, I guess, is to start small. Just start small. Start to ask for things that you normally wouldn't ask for. The smaller things. It's okay not to necessarily bring a ton of value again, like asking for the table by the window if your food's not right, sending it back and asking it to be right if your spouse snaps at you and you never say anything to ask for an apology. Things like that. Just starting small. But once you're starting to ask for big things, it's just in my mind, in order for me to hit send, I need to know that I am proposing just as much value, if not more, to what I'm asking for. Because at that point I won't feel like a crazy person. Because sometimes there are some times when people will ask me for things and I'm like, you're nuts. You're legit. Yes. And so nobody wants to feel like that when you're asking for something. And that's our fear, is that somebody on the other side is going to go, you are nuts. But if you truly know that you've brought enough value that you are truly looking at it like a partnership, that you want to help them out as much as they would be helping you out, it doesn't feel so nutso. Right?

Yes. Okay, so for. Do you suggest that people do their homework and either ask questions to the person that they're trying to work with if they don't know what that value could be of? Like, how do you do your research on what you think that person needs or finding out specifically so you can start to craft your message?

So that's where it's really important to know, like an absolute inventory of what you can provide.

Okay.

Because those, I call it opportunity spotting those opportunities will not pop up in your sphere of reference until you absolutely know what you can offer in exchange. So once you absolutely are clear about what the things that you can do for other people are, then those things will start to pop up and you'll start to notice them a lot more. And then there are times where you think to yourself, okay, I do need something. I absolutely do need something. And then you can 1000% do your research if you're not quite sure what they need in return. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation and saying, look, I have this, this, this, and this. I'm looking for this, this, this, and this. Do you think that this could maybe be a partnership that we could chat about? And they might say, well, we don't need that, and that, but we do need this and this. And that's where a conversation could definitely start. Because if they say that I need, you know, abc, you could say, well, absolutely, I can do abc. Would you be willing to exchange that for xyz? And they might be like, that sounds lovely. And there you go. And it's as easy as that. But if you, if you can't, if you don't understand or you're not super clear on what you can bring to the table, then that split second conversation will never happen. You literally cannot come in with that.

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Oh my goodness, I love this so much because what will happen in emails is I will get people who are like, hey, what I. I would love to have this happen or be on your podcast and then I'll try to help you in whatever way that I can. And I'm like, I don't know what you can do. And this feels like so much work to me. Like I just thought I was going to open up a message and be able to respond and I only have have 20 minutes to get through X, Y and Z number of messages and then you have your super busy day and it's like it actually creates work for the person and they will probably. If you haven't been getting answers, it's probably because of things like this where you didn't give them anything to choose from. You actually created more work by your question from them. They're probably so insanely busy they can't even think about what they need. You have to present it. So I love that you said like present this list of what you could provide for that person so that, you know, someone just did this the other day. I want to hire a virtual assistant. And a virtual assistant wrote down specifically what exactly they do and what they're really good at. And for me I was like, great, I need that. That's exactly what I'm looking for. And it was just such a no brainer. I needed it so bad. I'm like, let's get on the phone. But I've been sent so many things from virtual assistants and they've never gotten super specific on that and how it could help me that it's like, make it a no brainer for people like that. Write, write all of the things that you do. Exactly how that could be applied. Not too much to read, but enough that it would answer their question on what they need.

Good for her for knowing exactly what she does well, what she can provide and so that you could recognize right then and there. That's what I need. Today I had somebody pitch me a story about something that she's just like, this is my client and this is what they do. Here's the link to my calendar. Find 10 minutes and we can chat about it. What? How much work did you just create for me in this one little email? I don't even know you. I'm not going to sift through your calendar. I'm not going to ask you about what your client does. Like I'm going to delete your email. And that's, you know, I'm sorry The.

Best thing I can do right now.

This is so good.

I'm so glad people are hearing this, because this is why, if they have sent that message is why you're not getting an email back. Like, so many people wonder. There's no more wondering. It's because it just. It's the data. You just created more work for that person. Yes.

Yes. You did not help me out. No.

So you mentioned something that was really great, just the unattachment to kind of the email that is sent. And I can really vouch for this one, saying when I feel someone is attached to what they need from me, I am. So I want to run the other way. Like, if. If I feel like they are telling me that this is their Lifestream, and if I say no, it's like they're. They'll be devastated. Or it's make it or break it for their family, or it's make it or break it for. They have this opportunity to. To pitch something at my event, and they want to get their product out, and this could be the perfect spot for it. I'm like, oh, my God. I feel like I'm suffocating. Like, this is so much responsibility, and I don't even think it's a fit, and, like, it makes me want to run and avoid. So it's like, it's an actual energy. So you had said, like, actually sending. And so, like, crafting your message from a place of unattachment, that was so powerful, like, if this doesn't happen, it's okay. And when I send. Sometimes when I send emails like that, I'm just like. I'll even say, like, a little prayer over them. I'm like, whatever happens, happens, and I'm completely unattached from the outcome. I would love for it to happen, and if not, great, like, God bless them. Sending love, all of the things.

Yeah. Could you imagine that kind of pressure putting on somebody else?

No.

Like, that is just too much. Too much pressure. Too much going on. Absolutely. Too much going on. And that's why it's important to come to them with the things that you can provide first so that it doesn't feel like so much pressure for that person. You know, if the person that pitched me today and asked me to get on her calendar said, hey, this is my client. This is what they do. Here's like, five angles that I can come to you with that they can talk about. I can get you the quotes and the images. Do you want to talk? I mean, she's done most of the work already. There. But if you're trying to get me to work more for you, it's absolutely not going to happen because you're one of a hundred people that are in my inbox today. And so, really, truthfully, coming with as much value as you can, it's easy to unattach from it. You've done everything you can. You've absolutely done everything you can. You've tried to make that person's life easier, not harder to include you in what they're doing. So you're right. You're absolutely right. Like, there's. We can't attach from it, but try to bring as much value as you can so that it's easy to unattach.

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so letting them off the hook. This is kind of an interesting, like, thought process for me while I'm writing these emails, so I'd love your input on this. You know, I don't want them to feel that pressure of that. So it's kind of like crafting those sentences that say how important this is to you, but also. And how much you would love, like, how much you would love to work with them, how excited you are, all of the things and that you, you know, you want to find a way to make it work. And then, like, the lightness that kind of is just like, you know what I'm saying? Like, gives them. Gives them an out. Not just like, I feel like sometimes when people don't give me an out, I specifically have this one girl that keeps writing me with, like, almost like, as if I'm already going to be at these events that she's hosting, and it makes me feel verklempt. So it's like, because there's no out there, like, don't worry. We would love if there was like a don't worry, but we would absolutely love to have you something like that instead of like, we can't wait to see you here. Like, just like, no answer there yet. I was like, oh, my God, that's so assumptive. So how do you craft something that's, like, powerful, very powerful, and says that you're confident, but also lets the person off the hook if it's not a fit?

I think the best way to do that is to really acknowledge the fact that their business or their product or their whatever they're doing is very, very important to them. And, you know, if I were to come to you and say, you know, Laurie, I want to be on your podcast or something, first of all, I would never. I wouldn't ever start Anything like that. But I would. I would probably say something like, I know how important your podcast is to you. I know how selective you are. I know how you know this. I know how just basically how important this is to you. My proposition is that I can promote it to these people. Doing it this way on my website. I'm going to send it out on my social, which will hit 60,000 people or a hundred thousand people in this way, because I know that visibility is also important to you. I don't take this opportunity lightly. I want to make sure that you know that I'm working just as hard to promote your podcast for you as you would be promoting your podcast for you. And so I wouldn't necessarily talk at all about how important this would be to me ever. Ever. I would talk about how important it is for you and what I'm going to do to make sure that I'm working for you as hard as you work for you. Not asking you to work hard for me as hard as you work for you. And that's how I would. And I do craft. Every unreasonable request is that I know how this is important. This is for you. This is what I'm going to do to help you with you and your stuff. And then I don't hardly ever talk about how important it is to me, because you're right. It is too much pressure to put on somebody else. Too much pressure.

Too much pressure.

Too much work. I love this so much. Okay, so have we missed anything about unreasonable requests that you feel like you want to share?

Just to start small. Just to start small. And again, if it starts to feel too much for you to maybe ask on behalf of other people or causes that you care about, just to stretch that muscle, but to just know that the chances of getting a yes are much higher than getting a no. They really, really are. And that you really do just have to know what you can give before you can ask for anything, before you can get anything. It really is about value, and it's just too much fun. It just is a blast because you never know what somebody's going to say yes to. I mean, like I said, I went to Bali on my honeymoon for two months to learn how to computer code.

Oh, my God.

For free.

How did you do that?

I know.

Just asking.

Because. Just asking. I ended up talking to a program director who had no women in his course, and he wanted more women. And I was like, that is funny, because I have 120,000 of them over here. And so we just kind of started talking Talking. And we finally came to an agreement. He's like, how about if you blog about it on your website and you come and you learn? Because I've always wanted to learn. And I said, well, you know, I'm getting married, like, two days before your cohort starts, so can my new husband come? And he's like, yeah, he gave us a villa. Like, it was so great. That was probably one of my biggest unreasonable requests. But it was a really great value exchange, and we both got what we needed out of it. And it was super exciting. I mean, it's super exciting to live in Bali for two months on your honeymoon, you know, so you never know what could come of it. You just never know.

So get creative. Get creative and start thinking what area. I love that idea of, like, writing down all of the ways that you can bring value and seeing that's when it will start to pop out to you and seeing, like, wow, they don't have this yet. Or I don't see anything on their site or what they're doing or within their company. And this could be really valuable. Like, they're missing out. It just makes you start thinking so creatively and leaving time for. Leaving some creative time for that, to start looking at where you could connect with those people, which is exactly what I'm going to do very soon with this. So I am so excited about this. I'm so excited we reconnected. I'm already thinking of just all of these different things because of this conversation. So thank you so much. I appreciate you so much and literally feel like I could talk to you forever. You're just one of those people that, like, I feel like I've known for my whole life. Who would you love to work with right now? I know you have so many cool modalities of working with you. Who is your favorite person to work with and how can they work with you?

Well, I always have a soft spot in my heart for female entrepreneurs. I'm just starting and ramping up my agency to help visibility and amplification for company founders. So any founder who has started a company that's pretty successful and know that they need to, like, step out into the spotlight and create their own personal brand is who I'm looking to work with and talk to and help. So that's my new. My new venture right now. Very exciting.

Oh, I'm like, okay, I gotta book another show with you to talk about that one. Okay, amazing. Well, you guys definitely go and look up Stephanie. Your website is entertaining in and of itself. I Love the way that you write.

Thank you.

So good. I was like, this is so creative. So you guys definitely go check her out. And check that out. Where can they go? Where can they find you? Follow you all the things?

Yeah, just go to stephanie-borns.com. you can find me on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. Hey, Stephanie Burns. I'm not as active on social as I probably should be, but I've got a five and a three year old, so.

Girl, you're active in other places. I always say that, right?

That's right.

Go look at my podcast. Okay. I'm consistent there. You can only do. Literally, you can only do so much sometimes and it's like you're killing it. You're killing it in so many areas.

It's momming. That's all I do. They just is mom. Yeah.

All right, well, so grateful for you. You guys definitely go and check her out. And as always, if you want to give back in a major way to our awesome guest who I know she just rocked your world and gave you, like, the keys to the universe for your business and asking big, crazy, unreasonable requests, give her a tag on Instagram. Upload this podcast and let her know. Share it on your stories. Let her know what your biggest takeaway was.

And why don't you tell us what.

Your unreasonable request is going to be? We'd love to see it. Email me.

Hi, stephanie-burns.com. tell me your unreasonable requests. I will write back and I will cheer you on for sure. I love it.

Yes.

We'll let you know if it's good or bad. I'm just kidding.

Maybe we will.

All right, you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.