842. How To Get Clear And Concise In Your Ask

How you build your network is the same way that you ask. You have to get really specific around the question that you need and then figure out who you want to ask. And don't stop asking until you get what you want. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere, from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. At rock bottom, we had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are gonna let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're gonna give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're gonna stop waiting for someone of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform, I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month, month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. And we're back with another episode of he said Jesus.

I guess when I say we're back, we are back in this really fancy podcast studio with. How many boxes is this? Take a guess.

40.

40? Oh, I was gonna say 60. Guys, listen, I know you look at our life sometimes you say, oh, that must be nice. Oh, that looks good. Oh, that looks romantic or pretty.

And it is.

And it is at times and. And it is just a construction zone. I mean that in a literal sense.

Let's see, my brother's here, my parents are here, my dad. And by the way, what a blessing to have my dad working on the.

Closet, well, it's making memories. It's really cool.

But it will be two months of construction and we should share with them.

What we're talking about. So when we bought this house, our Arizona home, they had just rebuilt this thing from the ground up. Brand new remodel. And they hadn't finished the master closet yet. So the room was there, right? It was all there. And it's a empty room, but it didn't have like the island and the countertop and the cabinets.

We were like, ah, easy. Master closet, one week, be able to hire someone. I make all these calls and they're.

Like, yeah, we'll start in June.

Everyone's booked until June or July.

So six months away.

Oh, my God, I can't not. So we haven't seen any of our clothes besides one suitcase full of clothing.

For the last three ugliest rack you've ever seen.

If you're watching any of our stories, like, thankfully, majority people don't care enough about this, but I have been in the same black turtleneck for three months.

The one you're wearing right now.

I'm wearing it right now. And I'm wearing it out to dinner as well. Again, it's the only thing I've worn out to dinner for three months.

Oh, my God. Anyhow, we didn't jump on here to tell you about our chaos construction zone that we're living in. Lori did, apparently. But we did want to talk about something that we came up for us on a walk the other day. So the other day we're walking, and I think I shared a Instagram message with you, and it was somebody asking for help. And I said, you know what? This seems like a really great person, except I don't know what the hell they're asking.

Yeah. So you tune it out.

So you tune it out because there's.

A million other things you have to do.

Yeah. And we went down this giant rabbit hole of people need to be clear. I mean, crystal clear and precise in their asks. And listen, if you feel like, well, I've asked for help, no one helps me. I think this might be a breakthrough for you. I don't think you're being clear enough in your ask.

So I just did, speaking into the incredible Kim Perel's entrepreneur group. And you guys, I don't care who you are and what group you're in, it's the same questions over and over, like, how do you get to where you need to go? How did you build your network? And, you know, I had a realization that, yes, I always share about how I built my network. But how you build your network is the same way that you ask. You have to get really specific around the question that you need and then figure out who you want to ask. And don't stop asking until you get what you want. And so what I mean by that is someone on the call asked, okay, my wife is starting a winery and something else, which, how random. I'm also doing that. But he was asking, you know, how does she find a network of supportive women? And I was like, well, first of all, she has to figure out what she actually wants. Is she looking for accountability? Does she want that once a month? You know, and if once she decides, does she want that networking group once a month? Because that's what she wants. She wants to build a network around this once a month, then you have to decide exactly what that ask is. So is it every third Thursday? Is it for an hour? What exactly specifically does that ask look like? What do you want from them? What are you gonna offer the group? Like, have it so crafted and crafted in the most prec. Least amount of words you can possibly use. Hey, this is what I'm looking for. I'm looking for one hour every month. We'll look for a date that all works for us. Here's what I'm looking for. We split it up into 20 minutes each. We all say what our challenges are, then we all weigh in on the challenges and support each other in that way. Is this something that you would be interested in or not? No worries. Either way. Let them off the hook. Don't be a weirdo. Let them off the hook so that they're not like, what the heck? Who is this person? But that specific, like, to the day, to the time, to the hour, to what you expect out of it, into how you're also going to serve them.

What do you mean by let them off the hook? I think some people understand what you mean.

So let them off the hook means when you ask, don't make someone ever feel bad. And I get a lot of messages like this where it's like, yeah, so I was in your group once, and I need you to come and speak in this group. And like, not saying, I know you're busy and all of these things, but it's. It's literally where it's assumptive. It's assumptive. And it is like, you don't ever leave somebody alone. I'm trying to think of the exact wording that I've gotten where sometimes I'M like, wow, this person is not giving me any wiggle room. And I don't know how to say no. So sometimes I avoid it. And if you're getting avoided, it's probably because you're asking in an assumptive way.

Well, so in other words, what you're saying is always leave a comfortable out when you make an ask of somebody so that you don't get put on the banned ask list. Right? Like we all have this secret banned ask list that is like this blacklist of people that we know ask for too much or they want too much or something like that. And you just stop opening their messages.

Oh my gosh. Let me talk about another factor. So once in a while you'll get someone that you did something for. Maybe you went on a podcast, maybe you had them on your podcast and you already felt this in your gut where you're like, wow, they're really pushy. Like, they're really pushing. And then you have them on yours. And then the pushing doesn't just not stop, it just begins. Then they're like, who else could I. Who else do you know whose podcast I could get on? Or, hey, I know that you know this person I wanna get on this podcast. Could you please send me their contact? And you're like, absolutely not. That's someone I'm not sending. And I know what you did to me and how pushy that felt. And I also know that you have really high expectations of all these things that you want out of someone. So that's someone that I would absolutely not refer. So, Chris, tell me, what is the good way of getting in someone's radar and then also getting in someone's network?

That's exactly where I wanted to take this. Cause I didn't. People to be listening five minutes in and be like, wait, it sounds like they're just kind of saying everybody is asking wrong and everyone's kind of a dick. That's not the case at all. What we're trying to accomplish here is helping you guess what you want by asking the right way. Because people intrinsically want to play the hero. People that you reach out to would like to help you if you ask in a way that is precise and demonstrates value and doesn't feel like heavy lifting. That's the key, right? So give them that out. So here's a great example. Let's say you were coming to town and you wanted to meet with somebody who you know is doing really well in the business that you want to be doing well. You wouldn't say, hey, I'm coming to town on Tuesday. Would love to meet with you. I'd like to pick your brain. Do you have any time available? That's a horrible ask. Instead it would be, hey, I'm coming to town and I know you're incredibly busy, but I was wondering if I would be able to spending any time with you and asking you a couple of specific questions around this, this, and this. In return, I'm happy to compensate you for your time or I know in the future I've got some people in your industry that might be great contacts for you and I'd be happy to make those introductions. Right? So look for that value exchange and demonstrate that value exchange. Because now if I get that message, I'm like, oh, I wonder who they know in my industry. I wonder what, you know, they could possibly introduce me to. And at least now the door is open. I'm like, oh, good, they bring value foreign.

Okay, question for all the product bosses out there. Have you ever noticed how some people in the product space are just known for something? It's like their customers know exactly what to seek them out for because their products stand out that much. Meanwhile, you feel like you're cranking out products left and right, but not nothing is landing. Am I right? I'd like to introduce you to my incredible friends. I'm so obsessed with these ladies. You're going to be too. Jacqueline and Mina, host of The Apple Top 100 Business podcast, the Product Boss podcast. They each have over 20 years of experience in building product based businesses. Not only have their own businesses generated millions, but they've also helped thousands of others scale theirs so they can finally have a business that fits their life and lifestyle. And they want to let you in on one little secret. Successful product bosses know that in order to truly scale their business, they have to focus on what's working. It's not about making more products or throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping something sticks. Believe me, I have done that. It's about being known for something and going all in on that product, wondering how to do that. You guys, they're here to help. This is exactly what they've helped thousands of students to do in their free Bestseller Secrets challenge. And they'd love for you to join them inside of it. They're going to help you uncover your best sellers so you can go deep instead of wide and maximize the opportunities that are already right in front of you. No more doing all things to grow your sales. No more endlessly creating products. No more guessing and wondering what your audience will buy. It's time to tap into your best revenue opportunities. You can go join them@theproductboss.com earn your happy. That's the productboss.com earn your happy. I love these women. They have helped me so much in my business. Go and check it out. I've had a couple good asks recently. I was just asked to be on somebody's podcast and she was like, you know, my group is small but mighty, and here's what I want to do for you. Here's how I want to share your book. Here's what I'm going to mail. You know, I'm going to do an email to my group. And while it's small, I'm going to do as much as I can to make sure, you know, your message gets out and. Or, like, specifically, I'm going to share your book with X, Y and Z amount of people. So with that, I was like, oh, well, they're willing to do the work on their end because when people ask to be on the podcast, they have no idea that it's like, you're paying for your team, you're paying for editing. That's an ad spot that if a lot of people don't listen and the ad doesn't perform well, you're going to lose your ad spot. You're going to lose that. So it's like not just an ask, like, oh, why can't you just share your platform? It's because there's a lot on the line. And if people don't like your podcast once, if it doesn't resonate, if someone doesn't have their story dialed in, these are all things that I'm hoping that by saying it, it'll really make you think about what that value add is and prepare. And also understand that when you do an ask with somebody, bring something like, it doesn't matter if your network is small, show them that you are willing to show up to give them value even if your network is small.

Yes. Yep. You know what? When people do that, I love that.

I do, too. I love it. I'm like, you get it. You understand what you're doing.

You know what else I think? I think, oh, you're going somewhere.

Yep.

You understand equal energy exchange. Here's another great example of what an ask could look like. Let's say you're starting a podcast and you said, here's the wrong way to ask. Hey, so and so I'm starting a podcast and I was wondering what your best advice is. To get started. That's a crappy ask. That's too open ended. I get that kind of message. I'm like, oh my God, I suppose right, paragraphs.

Mike, should I tell you about your headphones? Should I talk about what? Like your name?

So here's a good way to make that ask. Hey, I'm starting a podcast. I'm really excited and certainly admire yours. I was wondering which two things moved the needle the most for your podcast growth Right now I know it's just two things. It makes my mind go, okay, now thing number one, running this things number two, like, you know what I mean? Yep, that's a good, clear ask.

Here's the thing is I think people want all of the answers from the people, but that's not how you get all of the answers. You get the answers through like, okay, if I have five minutes with Chris or one minute with Chris in his inbox, right. And he gives me attention, what do I think he would be the best at? So for Chris, maybe it's around money mindset, around starting my podcast, or maybe it's around securing bigger guess. Or what is that question that specifically is for them? Like, if I have the question, on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is podcast art? Or can you take a peek at this? I sent it below. Tell me if I should change it or keep it. Like, that's a good ask.

It's a good specific ask.

Change it or keep it. That's it. That's a very specific ask. But think of what that person would be best for and then go and ask a lot of people. The problem is, you guys, like we ask one person for like 10 questions and get none of them and it's overwhelming. So it's like, ask this podcaster for this one thing because they seem to be great with their podcast art. This person gets the best guess on go ask about that, then you're not wearing it out either. I actually just had a friend who was like, hey, do you know about how to secure these different sponsors for events? And I referred her to another friend and she said, hey, I just asked her something. So I, I don't like to wear out my welcome. So I'm going to wait a little bit and I'm going to ask some other people and then if I have to, I'll go back to her.

Oh, that's good.

I was like, that is someone who's so self aware. Yeah.

You know, and here's the thing. I want to kind of put a bow on this by really empowering you. We love helping.

Yes.

And everyone we know, that's crushing it. They love helping. They have the most generous hearts ever as long as it is easy for them to do in their very, very busy schedules. So your job as an asker is to make it as clear and concise and as light lifting as possible. Even if you have more questions down the line, like Lori said, just start with that one clear and concise one and start to earn that relationship a little bit. And if you do that, play the long game, then you're going to end up with relationships with these people who at one time was just a random ask. And I can prove that. Like I have people that I swear I've met in real life, even though I haven't, that I would call a friend on Instagram, that I've never even met them. They might walk by me and I might not even recognize them. That's how close you can actually get to people by creating an equal energy exchange over time.

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You do have kind of dicky answers. Sometimes in a good loving way.

I voice noted them back and I'm like, because I think you're amazing and I want you to get the answers. Here's how you can ask which is.

The most loving thing to do.

So don't be surprised if you get that from me. It just means that I see a lot in you and it means that I want you to go further. So anyway, keep it to a paragraph or less, be as concise as as possible and you're going to get all your answers.

And don't forget to check with your peers. Yeah, I understand. The people who might be way ahead of you in whatever it is you might be doing, they have valuable things. But your peers who are doing it right now, figuring out right now with you, they are equally as valuable because they are in the trenches. I can't remember what got my show a really good start four years ago, but someone who's literally in it right now, who's getting some good momentum, they might have a better answer for you. So don't forget to check with your peers. They are equally as valuable as someone who you think is further down the road.

Totally.

One of the best ways you can surround yourself with peers like that is go join masterminds like you probably. You probably heard that even though we sold fast foundations and I'm so excited that the two coaches, Jim and rt, are going to continue that thing on, even though we sold it to them, we are still going to come teach in person.

So excited.

In person at the next Fast Foundation.

I can't wait to meet everyone.

You know what, if you guys want me to get you on the wait list for Jim and RT's new fast foundations and if you guys want to meet Lori and I in person, do this, text me the word fast to 310-421-0416. Again, text me the word fast to 310-421-04160. It'll put you on the VIP wait list. That means you get a price cheaper than anyone else and you get a 24 hour head start before anyone else gets to claim a spot. And now that they're bringing it back in person instead of virtual, like when they bought it from us, that was the first thing they wanted to do is they wanted to bring it back in person, which is the coolest thing ever. We wanted to do it. We didn't have the bandwidth for that. Well, now it's going to sell it right away as soon as they launch it. So again, text me the word fast to 310-421-0416 and we will literally see you in person because we are still coming to teach. All right, guys, Love and appreciate listening. Now you are better askers. Yes, you can get better answers.

And remember the quality of your question determine the quality of your relationships.

Ooh. Love it. All right, guys, thanks for listening. We appreciate you. Bye.