846. How We've "Made It" As A Couple

To invest in this long term relationship. In other words, to be in it for good. I've realized I have to be okay with taking risk for my partner's dreams and vice versa. You have to be okay with taking uncomfortable risk for your partner's dreams.

Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling author, three time fitness world champion, and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere. From being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. At rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had no education to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could.

Business.

Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can't hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. Going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform. I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started.

And we're back with another episode of he said, she Said.

We're actually back from where, babe?

We're back from Newport.

Oh. In case you guys didn't see our Instagram, we are officially a two home party. Is that what you call it?

Got two places, a party of two homes.

I guess so anyhow.

I don't know, but we are so excited.

Yeah. So as you know, Arizona has some beautiful months and then it has some months where I swear it is the devil's taint.

Six of those months it feels like.

And we refuse to participate in those Months, Right. I think the greatest thing that you can have in life is choice. Health first, choice second. And we have the choice to not have to be here. So we got a Newport home that we'll be spending. I call it holiday. Holiday. Check this out. Here's kind of how I envision it. We'll be in Arizona just in time for Thanksgiving because it's getting cool at the end of November. We'll spend November, December, January, February, March, April. And sometime in April, whenever Easter is usually like the third week. That'll be our last moments in Arizona with the family. And then we'll head over to our Newport home. And I am so freak excited for summers where the temperature is beautiful and we're by the water. Moisture. Oh, my God. All the things.

Yeah.

I'm such a water soul. I literally feel so grounded around water. So I'll probably have more conversations about this as I move there. Because when I'm here, I felt like I could not get grounded being in the desert for too long. So I truly believe I'm going to do more studying and reading on it. I think certain people need to be in certain elements. Some friends who are so obsessed with the mountains that when they're not in the mountains, they feel lost, they don't feel as good, they don't feel like themselves. And for me, when I'm not by the water, I don't feel like bullying myself. Like, I can do it for a while, but I have to go back and get really rooted and grounded. And, you know, this morning as we were leaving, I just went outside on the ground as we were leaving Newport. Because we were on ground floor. Yep. As we were leaving Newport and I just closed my eyes and let my feet in the dirt and I felt so peaceful and rooted and grounded. And it's definitely having to do with being near the water for me.

I got out of the shower and I was like, babe, where are you? I was looking all around and you're just standing out there, bare feet, taking in the ocean air. It's funny because I don't know if you remember, but we made a promise to each other, especially because of your need to be by the water, that we would always live on or by a major body of water. And we broke that promise year and a half ago when we got this place in Arizona and we fixed it real quick.

Yeah.

So it shows you guys, when you make promises that are from a place of knowing, don't convince yourself that you can break the promises and have everything be okay. You may have to do a little bit of adjusting there. Those promises are real. So, anyhow, that's a great segue into what I want to talk about. We just got done taking our mandatory evening walk, and we always do three wins on our walk, and normally it's three wins for the day, but it's Valentine's Day as we're recording this, and.

We'Re sharing a chair because I was too lazy to go and get one. So literally, he has one butt cheek on, I have one butt cheek on. This is actually really hurting my butt.

It just really uncomfortable.

I know. But okay, let's focus.

Okay, so, yes, we are sharing one chair on Valentine's Day, recording this view. But on the walk, I said, hey, instead of doing three wins for our day, let's do three wins for the relationship, like, Valentine's edition. And we did our three wins. And one of the wins that came up was that we have been so supportive of each other through the past 16 years. Married almost 20 years together. And for context, we met when Laurie was 21 and I was 24. And you become such different people with such different desires and different views of life and different chapters. Right. Like, radically different when you're 21, then 25, then let's say 29 and 30 and 35 and 40. And, you know, now me in my mid-40s, you change so much. We're like, how did we make it? How have we been so supportive of each other? And quite honestly, we realized. Well, I'll let you take it.

Well, first, I want to say that it wasn't easy for you to be supportive of me, and sometimes it wasn't easy for me to be supportive of you. And there were times where both of us, I think, questioned what we were doing, and there were times where you did not support some of my big dreams because of the stress question, what we're supporting. Yes, it was like, especially with the fitness competitions, I remember you started to have a major problem because we. And I get it. I would have, too, if I was in your position. We were in a. A tough financial situation, and the fitness competitions and the travel and the outfits and all the things that go into it were costing a lot of money, and there was no immediate payoff. And I think this is where I want to segue into. I get it. There's going to be a lot of things that your partner does or that you need to do that will not have an immediate payoff that you have to do sometimes for free that you have to do and go prove Yourself.

I don't want to interrupt you, but I totally do this just to do.

But I totally do.

It's faith. What is faith? Faith is believing with the absence of proof. So obviously there's faith, like faith in God, but then this is faith in your partner. Like, your support has to come from a place of blind faith.

You know, I think some big things as a partner that you can say even if you're scared shitless that your partner's gonna lose your house or lose all the money in the family. There is a lot to be said about speaking life into your partner and saying, there have been times with Chris where I'm like, what are you investing in? And a picture of an sitting on a jet, smoking a cigar online, like, okay, great. I have faith in you.

That you in nft, by the way, is what she's describing.

Yeah, I guess that would have been like, what does he like, this kind of art? I have faith in you. And it's not that by saying that I'm saying I have faith in you. Don't F it up. Like, I'm saying I have faith in you. Just so you know that the pressure is on. That's a very different way of saying I have faith in you. But, like, really believing in that person and letting it be okay even if it fails, and I think that's what people need to hear is not like, hey, it's all good even if it fails. Like, no, there is some real pressure. But saying like, you know what? I have faith in you. I know you're gonna find something. I know who you are. I know that you're a hard worker. I know that you're gonna follow through and, you know, letting them know. And I think what happens with that? When you breathe life into somebody, they're going to go so much further than if you were like, well, you know what? Don't screw it up. Don't come crying to me when it doesn't work. Of course, sometimes that's not going to. Although sometimes that's really motivating.

I don't know. I think it adds undue pressure. That's not supportive. Phrasing it in that way, I think if you have a hard time wrapping your head around what they want to do, I think it's saying, speaking your truth in a supportive way and saying, listen, this is probably not the decision I would make without you, but if this means a lot to you, and I mean a lot, then I'm willing to take this risk with you.

Oh, yeah, that's really Good. Asking them, what does this mean to them? What does this mean to you doing this?

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Now that I'm really talking about this, I think we didn't ask so many of those questions that we could have looking back. We have so many more tools and so many more questions that we know to ask each other. But that's something that we would love to give you now is the ability to ask your partner those Questions like, okay, clearly this means a lot to you. Like, tell me what this means to you, tell me why you need to do this and tell me how I can best show up and support you and also hold you accountable. Like, how can I help you get or stay motivated.

Yeah. Instead of saying something like, what? That's a crazy idea. You think I'm gonna risk everything we've worked for just for another crazy idea like that immediately shuts your partner down of ever coming up with maybe a winning idea down the road because they start to become gun shy or afraid of bringing up any new ideas. And before you know it, if they're not bringing up new ideas, you may miss the winning idea.

I'm just so, so grateful for. Through the years, yes, we've had some, I know, communication for me with you around some things, you know, that you want to do communication with me. But all in all, we kind of have just decided that if it means a lot, we're gonna go along for the ride knowing that some things have failed. Right? Like some things are going to fail.

Yes. You know, so to this point, I think I've got another way to phrase it. To invest in this long term relationship. In other words, to be in it for good. I've realized I have to be okay with taking risk for my partner's dreams and vice versa. You have to be okay with taking uncomfortable risk for your partner's dreams.

Yeah. And I mean, to the point where we were so all into each other's dreams, to the point where it's like, okay, well if we lose the house or we lose the cars or we lose everything, we'll just start over. And also the agreement that if I did that or if he did that, that we wouldn't hold it against each other, that I wouldn't be like, you know what, Chris, we're in the situation because you did this and blah, blah, blah, it's literally be that bought in that you're like, I am along for the ride even if this happens. Because guess what? Together we will rebuild and we will figure it out. And if you come from that place, you will always rebuild and you will always figure it out. That is a level of commitment to each other, to faith, to your dream, to universe and to God. It's all of those things that are going to create the thing and the place and the dream and the vehicle that is going to bring you both to where you want to go as a couple, as individuals. And I don't know, until you reach that level of faith and Commitment if you can really get on board that rocket ship that you both as partners were meant to be on.

So the bottom line is this, guys faith and tolerating risk, even if it's not what you want to risk in the moment, those two things are very key components in not just a relationship that's going to make it, but one that's gonna end up damn fun and worthwhile.

Yeah. And the last thing I wanna add is just that many of the things that Chris and I have done, I didn't have proof for him to look at. Hey, Chris, look at my successful track record. There was no track record for him before he decided to have faith in me. He literally went off of blind faith. And I him as well. I mean, we both knew the type of people we were, but it's not like we had some crazy successful track record in this new area that we were both going in. It's not like we even had any background in it. So I think that's the difference is really knowing, like, okay, this is totally out of left field for them, but they feel so strongly about it. There's got to be a reason they feel strongly about it. And if you believe that you were given a big dream and you want to follow it and you feel it in your gut and soul, guess what? Your partner gets those too.

Anyhow, guys, thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you. This was a quick little Valentine's Day rant, an extension of the walk that we just got done taking we thought might be valuable for you too. Bottom line is this. If you guys want to wake up and be able to control how you see the day every single day, we can help you with that. Let me text you a positive money mantra or positive business perspective every single morning. All you have to do is text me the word daily to 310-421-0416. Again, text me the word daily to 310-421-04160. I now text thousands and thousands of you every single morning when I wake up. A positive money mindset or really cool business perspective. And that, of course, was Lori's idea. Another benefit of having a great partner. Thanks for listening, guys. Appreciate you, everyone. Sam.