849. It’s OK To Pivot And Disappoint People

If your energy has shifted somewhere else, if you start to wake up and dread the upcoming book or event or client or service, right. If you know that that energy is no longer lighting you up, then this is your full blown permission to leave that modality of serving people and move on. Pivot to your next one.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of Light Pink, best selling three time fitness world champion and I'm a crazy, multi passionate entrepreneur. My journey has taken me everywhere from being a broke waitress, barista, retails associate and personal trainer with massive anxiety and no belief in myself, to later becoming a multimillionaire in love with my life. In 2007, my husband and I lost everything. We found ourselves hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at rock bottom. We had no ideas and I had to fall back on. This is when I found personal development and learned everything I could about business. Not by choice, but because I realized no one was coming to save me. The conversations on this podcast are going to let you know that you're not alone and that we all feel like we don't know what we're doing. We're going to give you the tools to help you face your fears, take action, start your business, and grow those massive dreams that are keeping you up at night. It's time to create a life that you can to hide from and put so much on the line that your higher self is forced to come out. You're going to stop waiting for someone to approve of you and you're going to anoint yourself. Because I'm obsessed about building businesses that give women a platform. I want to feature you. So if you text the word podcast to 310-496-8363, you can get your questions answered on our Q and A segment along with a shout out. And if you rate, review and subscribe to this podcast, we're choosing someone every month to get coached and featured on our show. It just might be you. So let's get started. And we're back with another episode of he said, she Said.

You said that like, I don't know, so elegantly or something this morning.

I've been practicing.

Is that your radio sex voice?

This is my radio sex voice.

Oh my God. We were just at a dinner with somebody this past weekend whose sister was a sex phone. What do you call it? Performer.

A saxophone.

A saxophone. Not a saxophone performer.

Part of a jazz band.

Phone performer. Like where you call in and you guess that phone sex.

Yes.

And she's literally actually like such a Genius. And we kind of ended up talking about how she just viewed it as kind of fulfilling people's needs because she was more of a performer type of phone sex person.

Well, and what I found the most fascinating, by the way, this is not what the episode's about.

I feel like I need to say what performer meant. Like, it was for people with different fetishes, like people who liked clowns and different things like that.

So stories were hilarious.

It was just. It was interesting. Fascinating.

What I found fascinating about it, though, was she was this incredibly smart individual and she understood psychology and she understood what people were looking for and understood how to make them feel seen. End result was she made a ton of money. There's so much value in understanding psychology and how to make people feel seen. No matter. I guess, no matter what your modality is. Okay. I promise that's not what the episode's about. We actually wanted to talk about something that we were talking about on a walk the other day. I know. Big surprise. Most of these episodes come from the conversations that Lori and I have on our walks. And the other day we're talking about each time that we've had to pivot because of our interests changing. Right. Pivot. What we're doing for a living because of our interests changing and what it's like to let people down when you pivot. And I thought the importance of this episode for everyone listening is there's a lot of people listening right now who are probably stuck in a career or selling a product or performing a service that they really don't want to be doing anymore. But they're, quote, known for it, or they've worked so hard to build up to it. Their audience expects it from them. And the punchline that we'll work backwards from is this. It is 110% okay to say, eff it. I don't wanna do this anymore, and I'm gonna do something else. I promise you it is okay to do that if that's on your mind.

Yeah. I'm gonna go back to the time when I had a gym and I had a full roster of clients. And I was starting to know that that was the end of that particular chapter of having a brick and mortar. I was learning a lot about going online. I was taking my fitness program online. I was getting really interest, had the idea that maybe I wanted to be a speaker, an author, all those things, even though it was way down the road. And one of the hardest things that I had to do was to let my clients know that it Wasn't that I couldn't do it anymore. It was that I was literally choosing to move into something else. And I remember majority of the people were really great. They were sad, but they were great about it. But I had a couple people who were legitimately devastated and one who was straight up angry, thought I was selfish, thought this was so rude to start this relationship. And what's interesting is those were the relationships that were not healthy. That's a very codependent relationship when someone thinks that you are the only way they're going to get a result, like they're relying on you to show up in order for them to show up. And it was just massive realizations that, number one, it's not easy to do that at all. Number two, what we're afraid of is often the things that are not healthy for us anyway. They're the relationships that we know are not good for us that we're kind of staying in. And we're so worried about letting people down. And the interesting part is that there must have been a part of me that was dependent on those people, especially the one who was angry, because it also, looking back at it, made me feel like I was, like I was, oh my gosh, I'm making such an impact in this person's life. These are the things that came into my head. I can't break up with these people. They're never gonna be able to get their results without me. And isn't that interesting how it highlights those things?

And if you didn't, then thousands of people, tens of thousands of people, wouldn't have been able to work out with you online. If you didn't sever that relationship at the physical gym, then thousands of people wouldn't have been able to come to your bliss project. If you like, look at the trickle down effect, the wider positive level of service that you can be to the world when you make the tough, uncomfortable decision to sever an old way of servicing people that no longer serves you.

Yeah. And I want to share with you guys that in the process of this, like after you do what you know was right for you, you're probably going to have moments of, oh my gosh, that is not right. You're going to feel this transition period that just doesn't even feel losing part of your identity. You're totally changing your identity. And it's so easy to go back to what you were good at. I can't tell you how many times, Chris, when I was even switching out of fitness competitions, you know. Cause I did that for what, four solid years, maybe a little longer, that I almost went back to doing another show. Even though I knew I was done with it. I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I knew I didn't have the drive to do it, nor did I want to. I knew there was nothing left for me there except I. I almost kept going back to that and wanted to maybe even go back to my gym. Like, did I make a good decision or not? Because you're transitioning into a new identity that you have no idea how to do it yet. You're not even good at it. You have no clue. You feel scared. It doesn't feel good. It's uncomfortable. Maybe you didn't do the right thing. And so this is the part that we want to also just kind of coach you through in that transition period. And this is really where my book came from, talking about tribe. Because tribe takes you from transition to transcending. Because this is what people get afraid of. They're not afraid of necessarily, like, leaving. They're afraid of that period of not knowing who the hell you are and not being good at something and being a beginner again. That's what you're really afraid of, is going from a place where we're on autopilot in our old life to a place where everything is uncomfortable and you feel tired and you're exhausted and things are hard. And I have to say that if you don't go through that, though, you're uncomfortable for two reasons in your life, because you're either leaving your comfort zone or you're staying in it. So if you stay at the gym, if you stay at this old job when you know the chapter's over, you're gonna be terribly uncomfortable in a way that is so unsatisfying and so unfulfilling that you'll start to do things like sabotage your relationships and sabotage yourself with your habits.

Damn, that was a good little tangent that you just went off on. If I had to sum that up in the first big takeaway, it's that what holds us back from moving on from something that no longer serves us when we want to pivot. It's that it's not going to feel good. And I think we think like, well, gosh, if I was supposed to do it, it would feel good. No, it's not going to feel good for three reasons. The first reason you described was that you're disappointing people, and no one likes to disappoint people. But that's not a good enough reason not to Pivot. The second reason is that you're going to have doubts afterwards. Did I make the right decision? Oh, gosh, I walked away from some consistent money. Like, you're going to have doubts around security in your decision, but that's still not a good enough reason to not pivot. And the third reason was you're going to feel like a beginner again when you pivot. And no one likes that unfamiliarity of not being good at something. Right? So those three things are guaranteed to make your upcoming pivot not feel good, but you got to do it anyway. So I have something that came to me while you were saying all that, and that is if you don't make this pivot, right? So if the trainers just stay in the gym, if the coaches just keep coaching the same level of people, if you keep writing the same books, whatever, if you don't make the pivot that's on your heart to make, then you're not clearing space for the new, talented up and coming people to fulfill that need that you're walking away from serving. Let that sink in. You literally have an obligation to pivot and go where you're eventually going to be happier. You have an obligation to pivot and serve a brand new audience in a brand new way when it's on your heart to do so. Because there are really, really talented up and coming people, whether it's authors or coaches or trainers or, you know, fill in the blank, whatever your space is, there's really, really talented up and coming people that need to service the customers that you no longer feel called to service. This actually just happened with our fast foundations. That is one of the best freaking programs on the planet, right? For entrepreneurs that are in that 25,000 to 250 or $300,000 a year space. And we served that thing for years and we loved the changes that it made, except we didn't have the drive and we didn't have the time to serve it anymore. Because you're pivoting into your beverage space 100%. I'm pivoting into my peer to peer lending app 100%. And when we announced, hey guys, we're going to shut this thing down, guess what? It did exactly what I'm talking about. It cleared space for really talented other people to say, hey, wait a minute, don't shut that down. Let us buy that from you. Let us service all the people who need that thing, right? So Jim and RT and all the coaches that have always been one on one coaches, they're going to continue Servicing this thing. They literally bought it from us. And it gets to live on because we cleared the space for these really talented people to carry the torch and serve the people.

Yeah, you're reminding me of when I ended up leaving the gym. One of the things that you can do is look for people to refer these people to so you're not leaving them high and dry. I literally knew who I was gonna refer these clients to. And it's so funny, because the client who was the biggest pain in my ass, who was just a total jerk about me leaving and so angry, ended up going with Jackie Coke, who took over the gym. And she loved her so much better than me. So I remember, like, she was just like, oh, my God. I like training with her so much better. Like, this is what she told me. So you already know the type of relationship we had, which is so funny.

You're reinforcing what I just said. You cleared space.

Yes.

And you gifted your gym to a couple of train. Gifted it, yes. Up and coming.

Okay, don't get me wrong. There was a slight ego hit there. When she was like, oh, I like training with her so much better. I was like, well, thanks, jerk. But then also, even with Bliss Project, when I transitioned out of that, I mean, you guys, I did that for nine. Was it nine years? Maybe eight years?

I think seven years. We did Bliss Project. And listen, I don't want you to skim over that. You were distraught.

Yeah.

Over saying, I'm not going to do bliss project anymore. 500 women from 8 different countries every single year would come and show up and literally have their lives change. And you were distraught over saying, well.

It was part of my life for so long. It was such a big part of my identity, too. Like, I put on this event. I got to go show up for three days and speak and facilitate something that I love that is literally my life purpose. And you might be like, then why in the hell would you shut down something that's your life purpose? I knew that my life purpose and the things that I was talking about was shifting. And I also knew that I had to clear time and space for it. So talking about referrals, I knew that my best friend Lindsay does Powerhouse Women, which is an incredible event. And yes, there's a part of me that in the beginning was like, oh, my gosh, my ego and my identity wanted to attach to. Like, wait, are people still gonna wanna follow? Are they still gonna look at me a certain way? You know, all of these different things around your identity. Am I still gonna matter if I don't have this thing or this place where I get to go and be me and, you know, do the thing that I feel like I'm really called to right now. And that is a tough place to detach from, knowing that it's just going to change. You're making room and you, here's the thing that you can't do. You cannot stay in something that you feel is closing. You cannot stay in a chapter that you feel is closing. It does not work, you guys. It does not work. You will not be able to muster up the energy. You will not be able to tap into that feeling of inspiration. You will not be able to get those downloads that you used to get because it's meant to be through another modality. It's like tuning into a radio station that you're no longer a fit for you and trying to tune in and trying to tune in, except that radio station is gone for you and you need to start learning how to tune into the new one.

There's actually an analogy in the football world when it comes to free agency that it's better to let a guy go a year too early than to let them go too late, right? So, meaning, like, let's say a football player is in his 30s and he's got a couple years left on his contract. And any year now when you're in your 30s, you could go from like really productive to the next year. You just decline, and no one can explain it, but you just decline. And that analogy is it's better to let them go a year early when they can still be really good somewhere else for one more year, maybe even two more, than to be under a four or five year contract with them the year after they fall off a cliff. And now they're eating up all that cap space. Well, this is permission for everyone else. It's better to leave whatever it is that is on your heart to not service anymore a year early than it is a year too late. Because now you're doing it from a place that's resentful. And you burn bridges and you burn relationships. You don't show up and you leave with a bad reputation instead of leaving at the top. So it's better to leave a year early than a year too late.

You know, I think that that is what I have always done. And it's not even by like some thing that I knew the formula to and now I can see it. I can. You know, Steve Jobs says you can't connect the dots. Looking forward, you can only connect them. Looking backward, I can only say, wow, I can't believe that I had the like wherewithal to be able to figure that out myself. But the thing is, it wasn't that I figured it out and that it's some genius thing that I understood. It was that I literally could tell that I wouldn't have the same energy to be able to see those things through in the way that I wanted to show up. And that's how I know when a chapter is done. Like, if I'm not showing up in the way that I want, it's because that energy has shifted somewhere else.

Okay, so there, there's the closing punchline right there, guys. If your energy has shifted somewhere else, if you start to wake up and dread the upcoming book or event or client or service, right? If you know that that energy is no longer lighting you up, then this is your full blown permission to leave that modality of serving people and move on. Pivot to your next one.

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I've always tied it up in a very respectful way. I've always tried to give plenty of heads up if there are some things that have a very long time that you're supposed to fulfill. That's when I would say definitely look at how could you come to a mutual agreement potentially of ending things earlier. But I've never left something like I'm done with this and burn that bridge. I always fulfill a I fulfill my yeses, I fulfill my appointments with enthusiasm by the way. Yes, I fulfill my coaching contracts and I decide to, yes, do it with enthusiasm knowing that this is the end of me doing that.

It's funny, I had three or four people ask me, they're like, hey, did when did you know that you weren't going to service fast foundations anymore? And I said, oh, we knew, you know, almost a year ago, whatever it was, that we were winding it down. And they're like, we literally couldn't tell. It was the best one yet. That is everybody's duty. I'm glad you brought this up. You can have made the strategic decision that on such and such date you're not servicing a product anymore. Yeah. But it is your duty to fulfill any obligations you've made with enthusiasm and effectiveness until you get to make that clean and respectful break.

That's just how you're going to make your transitions better. Because in business, your reputation really is everything. And do not wherever, wherever you can. Do not burn a bridge. Like, try to come to some mutual agreement of some sort of understanding. Because pivoting definitely requires a lot of communication with all parties, but also standing firm in your ground. So knowing how you want it to end and really practicing, like everything that I did and closed out, I practiced. Like, I really thought about every obstacle that could come up and how to overcome it, knowing that I was going to end with a certain decision.

Guys, listen, you've heard us talk about fast foundations. You've seen us serve zip it for years. It's the best news in the world that Jim and rt, two very talented businessmen are carrying the torch and bringing all the one on one coaches with them. You've literally heard how we cleared the way for them to carry the torch and they're doing it in a better way than we did. They're bringing that mastermind from virtual back to in person again without raising the price. It's insanely awesome. And Lori and I committed that we will be there teaching at it in person even though it's not ours anymore, it's literally as good as it gets. So listen, if you want one on one business coaches, if you want to meet us in person, if you want in person masterminding for anyone from a brand new business all the way up to you're trying to make your first 100 grand or 250 grand or 300 grand, then I want you to grab one of these last spots left so we can meet you so that we can help teach you. Literally. Text the word FAST to 310-421-0416 or go to fastfoundations.com to get on the waiting list and grab your spot. Again, text the word FAST to 310-421-0416 or go to fastfoundations.com we're going to be there in person still teaching the things that we teach. Except it's even better than it was before because people with brand new energy and brand new perspectives are carrying the torch. I love it. So Again, go to fastfoundations.com or text the word FAST to 310-421-0416 for a special discount. All right guys, thanks for listening. Love and appreciate you. And go make that pivot if you want to.

Bye everyone.

Sam.