868. Jordan Lee Dooley On How To Embrace Your Almost, Make Peace With Unmet Expectations & Learn To Like “The Middle”

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You know, in your spirit, if you're feeling like a wrestling or an uncertainty, sometimes it's helpful to kind of get that like 30,000 foot view from voices that are not so emotionally tied to it, but who care about you and your well being. To be able to speak into into it, but to have a little parameter on it.

Hey, welcome back to the show. I'm so glad that you're here because today is gonna be a great podcast for you. I'm really excited that I got to have my friend Jordan Lee Dooley back on the show. There has been so much that has gone on since the last time I've gotten to drop in with her. We've had lunch together, me, Chris and her amazing husband. Also, when she was on her book tour in la, got to spend spend some time with her and then again got to spend some time with her at our friend Angie Lee's event. And I really just feel like this woman has so many beautiful gifts that she is giving to the world and she's somebody who goes and shares every single experience, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, and shares the lessons from them. And that is something that I so love in a human being because I just feel like when we connect over all of it, right, not just the highlights, but over all of it, that's when we truly, truly find those people that we just feel are those sister friends, those kindred spirits, those people that you can actually connect with. And that's why it's easy to connect, is because they're so willing to share and they're so open about their experience. And that is Jordan Lee Dooley. She's a national bestselling author, speaker, founder, CEO of the Own It Academy, and host of she, which is a top rated podcast for women. Her trajectory started with a small Etsy shop that that she started in college and now her mission is to help women live their purpose and create a livelihood doing what they love so that they can leave a legacy for their family. She also sits on the Board of Advisors for Liberty University School of Business and has been featured on Forbes Inc. Magazine, Success magazine, 30 under 30 list, and more. Jordan is a Indiana native and advocate of working in your slippers. And she's happily married to her college sweetheart, Matt, who is so freaking amazing, you guys. He's just the sweetest guy ever. And this PODC is no different than the first podcast when she came on the show and everybody loved it because there are so many beautiful lessons in this crazy journey of life and she has been through it the last couple years. So I will tell you that the things that I got to hear from her were just so rich and profound. So let's get started.

Jordan, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on.

So glad to be here. It's fun to be back. It's been a couple of years since I was with you the last time and I'm so thankful to be back.

I know. And so much has happened. So many things and so much wisdom. So many valuable lessons. I know you've been on an insane journey.

It's been a couple of years.

It's been a couple of years on top of just what has naturally already happened in the world. Something that I just love about you is that you have such a loving teacher archetype that you want to come back and teach people and help people with their own journey to say, hey, this is what I learned, this is what I went through, and maybe I can help you in the process. And that's really what you have always felt like to me, it's just that person that's like, hey, come sit next to me. Let's just talk about all the things that have happened and. And connect. So thank you again so much for coming on the show and I know that this is going to be just a beautiful conversation and so valuable.

Yeah, well, I'm looking forward to it. It's a really complimentary thing to say, so thank you.

Well, I'm really excited, so let's dive in. Why don't you tell me you have an incredible out. It's called Embrace your Almost, which I'm so obsessed with. And I'll tell you why in a minute. We kind of chatted about this. It's about finding contentment in the in betweens, the not quites and the unknowns, which is, I would say, if we could actually look and get statistics and percentages on life. I'd say that's probably 80% of life is sitting in those. So how incredible that you wrote a book on it. And if we don't learn to enjoy those, that means we may not enjoy 80% or more of our life. So, so powerful. All right, why don't you tell me a little bit about the journey to this particular book?

Yeah. So originally the book kind of started off with a slightly different message, but evolved very quickly in my writing process because as I was writing it was a lot of almost happened in my life. I actually almost became a mom twice. I consider myself a mom, but I almost had a baby twice and lost those babies tragically, which I don't go into too much detail about in podcasts, but you can read about that story in the book if you're interested. But really unexpectedly walked through loss at age 25. Like, I, I'm in my prime, I'm healthy, we're checking stuff up. And it was interesting because at that time I had just released my first book that year. My husband was able to stop working and come work with me full time, start his own business. Like then we ended the year with a pregnancy announcement. Like we were at the place where we were like, life is going exactly how we want. This was the end of 2019. Every box was being checked. And then unexpectedly walked through our first loss in January, fast forward a couple months, got pregnant again, walked through our second loss a few months after that in June. And so it was a jarring. And then in between those, Covid happened. Right. So it was like we almost had a baby. Nevermind. We almost had all these business plans for the year that were going to happen, and all those plans got blown up. We almost had another. It was just like, whoa. It was just complete blindfighting both personally and on a bigger scale as well. And so there was a lot of adversity. And almost that happened both professionally and personally in a very concentrated period of time as I was writing this message, which was the underlying message of finding clarity on what you truly value and slowing down and prioritizing what you really want in a world that says you should want to have it all and can't have it all was kind of the underlying message. And that still comes through. And that's kind of the primary point of the book. But it was interesting how these almost these kind of near misses and these huge letdowns and like devastating experiences really even deepened that message for me because it was like, wow, this Was like. I mean, life changing. When you go through, like, tragic loss or heartbreak or even get delayed dreams, like, okay, like, what was interesting, too, is even this book about embracing the almost and, like, trying to figure out how to navigate the middle when you thought you'd be here, but instead, you're still here. What was interesting is this book was actually supposed to come out a year ago, and I had finished my manuscript on June 1st, and I thought, the book's done, and it was kind of tied up with a pretty little bow. It was like, hey, I walked through a loss earlier this year. But, like, you know, now we're in this great place and, like, if you just try again, your dreams will work out. And the book isn't only. Only about loss. Like, I want to make sure I highlight that. It was just kind of like a turning point for me. It was a catalyst to a lot of the other lessons. And what was interesting is then 10 days after I turned in what I thought was the completed manuscript, we walked through our second loss unexpectedly, and it just blew. And kind of the story had to change because I had tied up everything with a little bow and kind of written in the redemption story before it actually completely happened, but it looked like it was happening. So I thought, we're on the road to success. Everything's good. We're in the safe zone. We're at 13 weeks. Like, we're good. So I turned it in, and then everything blew up in my face. And so what was really interesting is a book kind of about embracing the unknown and the changes and the almost in the middle, I ended up having to rewrite, and it got delayed, and it was like a delayed dream. And I was like, seriously, can anything work out? Like, I just carried that frustration. But what was interesting is through that process of, like, kind of having to change the way that it all ended and go back to the manuscript again, I think it delivers now a more relatable and honest message. Because I think it's kind of cliche to say, hey, if your first attempt at something, whether that's having a family, launching a product, or doing something else doesn't work out, just get up and try again. It'll all work out. Because I think then when we try again or we think it's going to work out and then it does in the second or third time, it's even more deflating because we're like, well, it was. I tried again, you know, and so I think it's this. Like, it's meant to speak to the person who's like, geez, I've done everything right and things still seem to be going wrong. Or this dream still keeps getting delayed or deferred. Whether that's a personal dream or a professional aspiration. We all know that general feeling. Some things are deeper and more like heartbreaking, like a loss or like something like a heartbreak or something in your marriage. Like, some of those relational things are so much deeper emotionally. But the feeling of, like, what the heck? I was on track for this to work out. Like, I had the picture perfect plan and it all fell apart. That same feeling can happen when everything was lined up for you to get the promotion and it didn't work out. Or you had a timeline for the launch of your product and it got pushed back. Or, you know, it could be any number of things, but it's really written for those moments of like, well, I thought I'd be at the mountaintop, but instead I'm still in the middle of the journey on whatever it is, both lighter things and heavier things. So.

Well, I so resonate with that, and I know so many people are listening. I don't think you can escape this in life. I don't think there is anyone that I've ever met who has just been like, yeah, first try. Everything I've ever wanted works out.

And sometimes it takes more than two or three tries. You know, that's the, like, thing that we have to. That's the harder part to swallow. It's like the third try didn't work out either. Like, oh, I'm tired, you know.

Yes. I have so many questions around this. I'm actually speaking on this topic, so I'm so excited to get your input. Before I even go and speak on it, let's start talking about how. Let's say you have a dream and a vision and it's your third or fourth time and it has failed. And whether that's a life vision or especially just for this podcast to really talk about. You know, we talk so much about business on this podcast now. When do you know to either pivot or how do you take the signs? Or what does that look like? Like, how do we create meaning around it and make it something powerful to know that it wasn't lost time? Like, how do we make this complete and bring peace around it?

That's a really good question. I mean, one of the almost that I write about in the book is when I closed my first business. And the reason for that and the reason it kind of fits the message is because it was almost what it needed to be. It was doing well financially. Like, on paper, it looked like it was great, but the problem was it lacked a lot of clarity. And I had no idea where I was taking it. And I was like, it had kind of gotten convoluted as a joke. I would say this feels more like a blob than a business. Like, I don't really know our mission. I have no idea where we're going. Like, people love the product, but, like, what are we doing? And so I just felt like I needed to pause. And I didn't know if it'd be forever or temporarily, but it was like, one of those frustrating things where it was, like, almost what it needed to be, but it wasn't quite there. And so anyways, I ended up making the really hard decision to close it. And what's tough is knowing when is it time to let go of a good thing, right? And I think a lot of times we assume that if it's the easy decision or if it feels like it's the easy step, then it's the right decision. And if it feels hard or difficult or whatever, like, it must not be what we're supposed to do. And I think sometimes it's actually the opposite. And so one thing I talk about in the book is, like, it took me a long time to let go of the business, and I ended up being able to bring it back about a year and a half later. And I tell that story in the book, but I didn't know at the time if that's. If it was going to come back around ever. But I knew I needed to create some space because I couldn't get clarity being in the middle. I always say, like a moving train, like a train that's going 100 miles an hour is kind of hard to turn, you know, especially, like, when people at least turn quickly. And so I knew I either needed to create some separation space to get clarity on where I needed to go next or just close it all together. I wouldn't know that answer unless I, like, put a whole pause on it. So, anyways, in the process of making that decision and trying to get clarity of, like, is it time to let this go? Like, is it time to say this chapter is closed, at least for the time being? And I need to make peace with that. A couple of things that I did was, one, I had to seek a lot of counsel. And so I really recommend doing that in terms of. Speak to the people in your inner circle, business wise and personally, especially if there's. If you're finding that something you're trying to do professionally is affecting you negatively. Personally speak to those in your inner circle that you trust and kind of get their input on it. Because sometimes those who have kind of the non emotional connection to the business or the dream or the goal, like they can offer insight and they can either affirm what you're feeling or they can say, actually, I think this is fear speaking, or I think that this is exhaustion speaking. And so that was really helpful because what was interesting to me is pretty much everyone I looked for feedback from, they all actually affirmed they were like, yeah, I totally see what you're saying. And I think that's wise to say it's time to take a step back. So I'd say do that. I'd also say set a limit on the number of people you speak to or the number of conversations you have. Because I think what can also happen when you do that is then you just get into like you're talking to everybody about it for months and months and months and months and you never actually make it. You don't actually go anywhere. You're just talking about it a lot. So. So I kind of realized that because I was like, okay, I feel like I need to make a decision. So try to, before you even go seek counsel, say, I'm going to make a list of these 10 people that I'm going to speak to about this. And they may not all have the exact same opinion or input, but I'm going to say if six or seven out of 10 of them have this input, then I'm going to lean into that because that's what feels good. And you make that decision up front because otherwise what can happen is not only do you put off the actual decision of do I keep going and maybe just pivot my approach or the way I'm going to go about this, or do I take a break completely and step back or let it go? You can put off that decision if you just keep talking about it. But also what can happen is it can feel like there's too many cooks in the kitchen. Like you've got all these voices and opinions and thoughts and ideas and it just can feel like now I don't know who to listen to. So that's why trying to kind of decide that before you even enter into those conversations can be a really healthy and helpful boundary. I felt like that was really helpful when it came to not only making the decision to take a step back from my business. And at the time I thought close it forever. But also in other bigger decisions, like we were trying to decide if we were going to sell our house and build a new house and mostly to simplify because we were in like a fixer upper type house and we thought like, this is going to be our Chip and Joanna Gaines HGTV life and ended up being super stressful. And we were like, this is not what we thought. But it was hard to let go. It was hard to let go though, because we had a vision of what this house was going to become. This is where we were going to raise our babies. This was going to be our Pinterest like house that we're going to put a beautiful porch on. It sat on three acres like it had so much potential. But as we got into a few projects, we were like, ooh, this could become a real big nightmare real fast. Just seeing the foundation and different things. And so anyways, my point is I think seeking counsel, but also having some parameters on how you're going to go about that before you get into those conversations and then start feeling pulled in a lot of directions can be really helpful in keeping a clear mind as you do that and then having that objective input makes a big difference. So those are just a few things that I would say can be helpful in determining because there isn't a one size fits all answer. I don't know if it's time for you to let go of X, Y or Z dream or to let go of this good thing. But you know, in your spirit, if you're feeling like a wrestling or an uncertainty, sometimes it's helpful to kind of get that like 30,000 foot view from voices that are not so emotionally tied to it, but who care about you and your well being. To be able to speak into into it, but to have a little parameter on it too.

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Oh I love that. It's so interesting because you know I have this Company that is has just. We have struggled beyond anything that I can possibly tell you to get it out into the world especially because of like it's a non alcoholic and alcohol. So it's like dealing with licensing and co packers and manufacturing in a world where that is struggling so hard right now on top of a startup and minimum runs and all the things and the high, high, high cost that has come out of COVID as well from an already high cost industry. So with that said, I've had these moments where I'm just like really listening into is this supposed to happen? And I think that when you really get real like kind of what you were saying and ask yourself those questions, you almost know like no, this is supposed to happen. I'm going to keep going. So you keep running up against these walls and there is a place where I love that you're like make sure you know who you're asking and that it's people that you trust and you love but also know how you feel. And measured against that there is no way, there is no way to know.

What is right or wrong.

You have to like find that place in your gut after you kind of get these different people that you talk to and go with that. Because some dreams. What's the Steven Pressfield quote? I know that you would love it if you don't know it already. It's like the more important a dream is to your soul's evolution, the more resistance will be around that dream. And I think that's what we're always trying to figure out, right?

Yeah, totally. It's true. And sometimes what's interesting that I found and in the book I talk about like sometimes the almost or even adversity creates clarity. And that's kind of a weird gift that sometimes I'd rather not have to walk through the adversity. But at the end of it I'm also like the brick walls you run into on your way to a dream in a weird way, and I'm sure you've experienced this too, is like sometimes those dreams that feel like you just run into brick wall after brick wall or you're just like stuck in a waiting season and it's just not happening. How you thought that will do one of two things, like you might get tired and be like, should I even keep doing this? That's like a normal human emotion, right? But it will either become pretty clear to you of like one is this, I guess, how do I say this in a way that makes sense? Meaning when you run into those, it Creates a lot of clarity in the sense of, is this aligned with what I actually value? Is this something I really want to do? Because what I found, like, this is obviously going back to the more personal experience. But when I walked through loss like, that felt like the death of a very big dream, right? Like that felt like my whole family situation experience got completely blown up. And it made me reevaluate everything. It made me evaluate all my professional dreams and the things we were doing personally, such as trying to renovate a house at the same time as build businesses at the same time as have a fit. Like, it was like, oh my gosh, the house is actually a huge distraction. That's a stressor in my life that I don't need in this season. Maybe that's something we'll do in a decade or two. But right now, like, this loss, if anything, has really affirmed for me that this is a priority. My health and my family are my top priorities. So how do I need to adjust the things I'm doing with my other dreams? And sometimes when you do experience a disruption or delay of a dream, even in a really devastating thing, it will either really affirm that that is something you need to continue persevering on no matter how long it takes you to get through the valley, or it will show you, like, maybe that's not quite the right thing for me. Not only for that dream itself, but for everything else that's on your plate. It's weird how adversity, almost in between it can be refining in the sense that it helps move with these impurities and these distractions away and helps you really lean into. Like, no, I need to really prioritize this because this, even as I'm facing resistance with it, like you said, like it is, it's becoming even clearer that like, wow, I really need to like, fight for this versus some of these other things that are just wearing me out in the process of fighting for this. Maybe it's time for them to be put on pause, or maybe it's not time to renovate the house this year, or maybe it's not, you know what I mean? Like, it can actually bring into clear view the things that do need to be held with the highest value, where maybe some of the other things could be put off to later or put on pause or sold and said, nevermind, that's not for me right now. So it is interesting how sometimes that adversity that we didn't actually want to face or that waiting can create a lot of clarity. So you probably already kind of know the answer. But it is helpful to have that affirmed and to kind of talk that through with people you trust.

I love that so much. That's exactly what it did for me. Just the moments of refining. And I can think of so many reasons why people don't want to start is they're afraid of something, right? And sometimes it's like, oh, I'm afraid of me publicly failing, or me being online bullied, or me getting all the trolls or haters or whatever that looks like. And I can honestly say those are really all of these things. Resistance, the waiting, the seasons. Like, they're all moments that do get you more clear on who you are and what you want to stand for and how you want to respond when those things happen. And I don't think that you can know until you're faced with the resistance. Just like we can't get the muscle without getting the weight, you know, like having the weights in the gym, like, it's impossible. You can't do it. So that's the heavy lifting, right? That's the stuff that actually makes you better.

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Okay, let's talk about that because I am still in this season, as are you. Your book is about to come out. I'm still in the waiting season. And I've learned more about myself in this waiting season. And some different things happening within the waiting season on top of waiting that truly now are such giant blessings. But I will tell you, I had a really, really crazy dark period there about six months ago. So let's talk to people who are in the waiting season. Maybe there's a lot of pressure. Maybe they've put a lot of their life on the line. Maybe they put a lot of money on the line. Maybe they're feeling a ton of anxiety. Maybe they're wondering who in the hell they are in the world if this isn't it. We all know exactly what that feeling is. So how did you manage with everything that you had going on and everything that you went through? Tell me all of the things about how we can better handle the waiting season.

I wish I was an expert on this. It's so funny sometimes I'm like, should I be publishing this book? Because I'm still figuring it out. But that's part of the reason why we're publishing it. It's like it's from the middle, it's from still kind of the learning. It's just maybe one step ahead. But I feel like one thing that I learned and actually what's funny Is it's kind of been this ebb and flow between personal experiences, but also business experiences. For example, like, we had a big launch, I think it was last spring, so like a little over a year ago that completely flopped. And I was like, I'm thinking it was like my best idea ever. And it was like, I think we just like barely broke even. And I was like, okay, that was almost terrible. But it was like, not nearly what I expected and I never wanted to do it again. And what was interesting is it's kind of like an extra project. It was kind of like something I had just wanted to do that I actually had the capacity to. So I finally did it when it didn't do nearly what I thought it would. I remember talking to Matt. I was on the phone with him and I'm like, I don't know if we're even going to break even on this. Like, I think I just wasted a ton of money like thinking like conservative estimates said it would be awesome, and it was not. So he's like, let's go to dinner. So we go to dinner that night. We sit at our favorite little Italian restaurant. Family owned little house. It's like the best place ever. And he was just kind of like speaking into me. Like, remember, like, this isn't like your whole identity. And like, technically this thing was extra. But I get so caught up in the, like, I'm so used to like, if I want to do something, I put my mind to it and I do it and I succeed at it. And when it doesn't, no matter how good my efforts are, it's like the most devastating and frustrating thing. So anyways, we had this wonderful dinner over Italian, like just enjoyed ourselves, had a glass of wine. Then we went home and we sat on our back porch. Porch at our new house after we finally made the grueling decision to sell our old house. And we sat out there, it was one of the first, like warm spring evenings in the new house. And we overlook a pond and we set up like this little back patio and we had just put up the little like bistro lights. And so we. He put on the bistro lights and we both picked up a book and we just happened to sit out there and read. And we heard the fountain of the pond. He started a little fire and I was reading and I remember just like taking a deep breath and looking around, I was like, I really like my life right now. There's still things that have like, you know, yes, we've gone through loss, yes, this business Project's flopped. Yes. Like, we're not in the house we thought we'd be in. Like, there are absolutely things that do not look like how my plan would have thought they would. And it feels like my whole, like, plan and identity has kind of been disrupted. But this is enjoyable right now. And in that moment, I had this, like. I don't know if it was, like, there was, like, a challenge that came to my head of, like, what can I do to, like, my life, even when it doesn't look like how I would have liked? And so it became this, like, mission of mine over the last year to, like, cultivate a life I really like. That doesn't mean you quit longing for the thing you long for or hoping for, or even working toward the thing you want that hasn't worked out or isn't going how you thought. It just means that you tend to it in the middle, and you actually try to make the middle a little less miserable. And so we started a garden. It was actually our second garden because the first one failed miserably. So we had learned a little more, and we started gardening. And that slowed me down. Like, just learning to tend to a garden and the joy of, like, I can grow things. This is cool. Like, something that simple. Learning how to make meals that I really like. Reading more books out by the fire in the summer, evening traveling. We started serving with an organization that we actually wanted to serve with for several years, but just never had the time to. I guess my point is, like, in the middle, when something feels like it's not going according to plan or it's taking a lot longer than you thought or just isn't working out for one reason or another. Really consider, like, okay, I may not love everything about my life right now. This area or this area or that area feels incomplete or outstanding. And I don't mean excellent. I mean, like, incomplete. But what can I do to, like, what I do have? Can I start a garden? Can I get involved with serving? Can I go on that trip I've always wanted to go on? Can I host a bridal shower for my friend and open my home? Doing things that make your life feel more enjoyable make the middle feel a little bit less miserable and more meaningful, Quite honestly, because like you said in the beginning of this conversation, most of our life is lived in the middle. We aim for the mountaintop moments. But actually, if you think about it, think about your mountaintop moments in life. Maybe it was your wedding day. Maybe it was a big launch day. Maybe it was when you Had a successful launch, maybe it was something else. But my point is those are, like, short experiences where most of life is actually building up toward those and it's on the journey toward them. And that's why I say, like, if you can think, okay, even if I don't love everything about my life right now, because life can be hard and hard to love, what can I do to, like, my life? And that just creates this, like, permission to be like, maybe it's the year I tried baking bread because I've always thought that'd be fun and I've just never given myself the space to do that. And dang it, this is just so frustrating over here. I need an outlet that feels. Feels fun and, like, I don't have the pressure to make money with it. And it just, like, brings me life and it's relaxing and it's like a skill I can work on. So for me, that was gardening. And it's also been some DIY projects around my home. And it's been serving and welcoming children who are coming from families of crisis into our home. And like, all of those things have not only been so healing for us through the hard, hard things we've walked through, but it's also been like, opening my mind to, like, the bigger space outside of my own. Because sometimes I think as achievers, we can get tunnel vision on the goal, the dream, the thing. And that's great because we need focus, but we also need to, like, live and allow ourselves. Like, I've allowed myself to be more spontaneous in the middle of a work day. I go to lunch with a friend and, like, spend two hours laughing over lunch. Like, I didn't do that before because I was so goal oriented. And so like, we gotta get this stuff done. And it's just like, I don't know. I don't know if it's that, like, loss kind of gives you perspective of like, don't forget what really matters, you know, in life. But I think it's also the challenge to be like, dang it, like, I can't control certain things. I can give my best, but I can't control how this is all going to work. So what can I do to, like, my life in the middle, even if it's not where I thought I'd be? So that's my challenge.

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I think the concept of liking your life, I think that we listen to all these things, and I'm so guilty of it, too. Like, this is how you love your life and fall in love with your life and all the things. Like, life is so contrasted that the only way to actually like your life is to not love your life as well. Which is so interesting because the things that, you know, when we look at a list of. It's funny, the other day I was writing a list of what makes me happy, and I looked at the list again. I only wrote down things that I like to do. And so what I did is I let myself scan forward into the future, thinking of myself only doing these things I like to do. Like, they were even, like, business things, but they were business things that I was good at. And I thought I literally had a moment of I would not be happy in this life because it's not challenging enough. I don't have anything that stretches me, that makes me so proud of myself for doing that I didn't want to do. And I was like, oh, shit. Challenge makes me happy. And we leave it off the list.

It's true. And that's what I think. When you're in the middle of it, it's like, oh, my gosh, I just want this to be over. I totally get that. That's human. And that's why I say even. One, you're right. Two, contentment. I think a lot of times we think it's just me loving everything that I'm doing and only doing the things that I love and, like, being super happy with my life. And if I've had to learn anything, it's that I think that's actually kind of like, complacency, because there's no challenge. And I think we mix up those words a lot. I think complacency is actually living a more passive life and not coming up against any resistance, not having any challenge, kind of what you're talking about. And it's not actively doing stuff that is, like, growing us. Right. Contentment. On the other hand, like, I think we often visualize that I'm happy on this whole journey, even if it's driving me crazy. I'm just smiling and I'm content with it. No, actually, what it is is being honest with yourself and you're like, dang it, this sucks. Like, I'm tired, I need to take a break. Cool, take a break. But like, have a picnic while you take a break. Sit down and enjoy that break instead of just sitting there whining, complaining and being miserable with it. Like, yeah, give yourself the break. Validate your feelings, Talk it out if you need to. But then, like, have a glass of wine on your journey. Chill out, go with a friend, go have some a picnic. Like, and I'm using this as a visual, but my point is, like, if you think about a really, really, really long hike, you feel good when you complete a hike. And even as you're doing the hike, but there may be moments where you're like, I gotta catch my breath. So when you think about contentment, it's the state and the posture in which you approach the journey upward. Even if it seems like the finish line keeps moving. It's just like, how can you make that a little bit more enjoyable without getting rid of all the challenge? Without saying, oh, I just love everything about this. It's awesome. It may not be awesome, it may be really dang hard, but it may be really hard and also really life giving and something that grows you and something that you can basically, it's like, I don't want to just endure the challenge, but I also don't want to completely do away with a challenge. Right? And so it's about finding, like, how can I enjoy the journey with the challenges that exist? And that's why I kind of, I chose to say, like, your life instead of love your life just because you. Like you said, it's kind of a cliche thing. We hear love your life all the time. Sometimes it's like how there's so many things that have gone wrong and it's like, okay, well, maybe it's not something you're kind of red heels in love with, but it is something you can cultivate a lot more of. You can cultivate a meaningful and enjoyable existence, even if it's not how you thought it would look and it doesn't meet your expectations. And I think that's where there is that, like, enjoyment instead of just enduring.

So good. So what are some things that we can. Are there some practices that you did? What did you do to start even saying, here's where I'm going to start. What am I interested in? Did you do anything around that?

Yeah, that's a really good question. So a couple things. One, I kind of tried to lean into the relationships of mine where I knew people were good at having hobbies because, like, I'm not. I don't know about you, but, like, I'm terrible with having hobbies because I turn everything into, like, a business venture or, like, I just feel like I don't have time for it. So, like, my husband, for example, he is really good at, like, he likes to just learn about things. Things that don't make money, things that, like, have nothing to do with business. But he just, like, enjoys being, like, learning more about fishing or fly fishing or these random things that I'm like, why are you doing that? We could be, like, building some empire over here. And he's like, because I also need to rest. And so I kind of leaned more into his habits and leaned into those relationships with people I knew who were more naturally inclined to do those things, and I started to get curious. So a couple of things that I did not only lean into those relationships to try to allow myself to find hobbies and to lean into and spend time doing those hobbies, but a couple of the things that I did. I call it the bootcamp season. Like, when you're like, okay, I'm preparing for what I'm waiting for. It's kind of like a boot camp, you know? And sometimes the boot camp goes on longer than you like. So in addition to trying to find a hobby that. That especially as an achiever, sometimes it's helpful to have a hobby that feels fruitful for you, even if not in a monetary sense. So that may be DIY projects where you feel like you can enjoy the fruit of your labor afterwards. That may be gardening, so you feel like you get to enjoy the produce afterwards. Something that feels like it's not work, but it allows me to feel like it's not just a waste of time either. So something like that. Finding a hobby. That, for me, that was gardening. Another thing that I tried to do is really get curious. I started reading more books that were teaching me things beyond the subject matter that I spend most of my time in. So, like, for a while, I was reading a lot of, like, business and, like, personal development books, which are great. Like, nothing wrong with that. But I started to read stuff that was, like, women's health. I wanted to learn more about my hormones. I learned how to play video poker and then poker. I asked my dad to teach me that, and I, like, got this little manual, and I won a hundred bucks at a casino. It was awesome. Just random stuff. I started to ask my husband, like, teach me more about Hunting, because he likes to hunt. And just kind of got curious about topics that weren't really in my line of work or what I was using. Used to reading about. And it felt. I mean, I even started reading fiction, like, allowing myself to learn, you know, and kind of get curious and expand. What I was spending most of my mental energy on was another huge, huge thing that's been really enjoyable. Another big thing was serving in one way or another. And serving to. You might be, I'm hosting my friend's bridal shower this summer or. And I did that. Or maybe I'm going to work with this organization and with my hands. Like, I think we as humans, especially being so digitally connected, we may, like, make a quick donation online, and that absolutely matters, and that's great. But I think there's something, like, in our soul that comes alive when we are serving with our hands. When we're building a house for an organization, or we're taking care of kids in need, or we're serving food to the. You know, like, doing something where we have an interaction and we can, like, get outside of our own bubbles, our own little offices, our own zoom meetings, and actually, like, get into the world of other people. Because it not only offers perspective, but it also can really bless you, like, as the person serving. And so just serving with my hands has been another thing that's kind of gotten me out of my own head. My own timeline, my own expectations, my own frustration, and got me into the world of someone else, you know? And I don't know, I just think. I think work, and then that kind of leads into the next point of, like, doing things to work with your hands. Whether that is a DIY project or there's like, a Bible verse that I always come back to in my own life where it says, lead a quiet life. Or, like, something along the lines of, like, lead a quiet life and work with your hands. And I just think there's wisdom in that. Like, I think we were designed to. To connect in person. I think we were designed to see the fruit of our labor. And sometimes when we work digitally or we're waiting for a product to come out or work or a business to finally happen or a course to launch or whatever, that doesn't always feel very tangible. And sometimes, like, man, just, like, working in the dirt or, like, creating something with our own hands or serving people with our own hands, like, there is something about that that just, like, creates, like, brings our spirit back to life a little bit. So that's something I've leaned Into a lot is just like. Like, how can I, like, work with my hands? A lot of that's been, like, cooking for me before. It was just like, I was so on the go. I was ordering Uber eats. Like, it was just like, whatever I can do. And I just finally was like, I gotta slow down a little bit and, like, work with my hands. And so I started doing a lot more gardening, more cooking. Not every single day, but just letting myself try new recipes and try new ways of nourishing myself and finding things that I really like to cook. And so I guess my encouragement is like, find ways that you can serve ideally in a way that feels like it's tangible for you. You can see the direct impact of your work. Find ways. Find a new hobby, or lean into a hobby that you maybe let go by the wayside because you've been so busy. Try to learn new things. Maybe that's their podcast, but it also could be, not digitally. You know, like, sometimes it's nice to just sit in a hammock and read a book about a topic that has nothing to do with your work. Learn about poker. Learn about something that you don't think about all the time. You know, something random and seemingly unrelated. We learned a lot about agriculture because we've been interested in, like, we had chickens for a little while at one point, and we eventually want to have, like, some animals again. So we. We've read books on that. We literally read a book called the Wonderful Pigness of Pigs. Like, if you're telling me that that's not in my line of work, just random learning about things that are interesting to you and finding ways to really connect and work with your hands. Some of those simple disciplines in your everyday life and trying to work those in. I mean, I have a busy life, but I find ways to work it in in small ways. And it just feels like it brings me back to life sometimes. So those are just a few ideas and a few things that I've done.

It's such a good reminder. Like, I feel like this is not talked about enough and you can't hear it enough, and. And it's so important for me to.

Hear over and over and over.

And, you know, the crazy part is, is for all of the overachievers listening who are maybe having a mild panic attack, but also you're yearning to do it. There's never not been one time that I've done something creative with my hands, extracurricular, surfing, physical guitar, that I have not been able to use it in my work. Life times 10. It has made me more interesting, it is attractive, attracted more people to me. It has made me be able to speak on lessons that I've learned from each thing I've learned about. I mean there's so much rich learning that comes from. I guarantee you've learned so much about gardening that you see running parallel to life and business that it blows your mind.

Well, and it's also like sometimes getting out of your own like bubble of achieving it kind of reinspires you. So you, like you said, you have new lessons that come to pass or you see things differently or you can offer different perspective. And it's not, it doesn't have to be life like mind blowing, but it does kind of reinspire you, especially when you're hitting a wall or you're burnt out. And one of the things I was going to mention that I focused on, especially during this boot camp season that I found myself in, was even just like leaning into taking care of my well being. Like I had mentioned walking through loss was kind of a catalyst for me to be like, I wonder what's going on? You know. And I actually just started looking into my health more because it was always something that kind of was an afterthought. Like, I work out, I'm healthy. Like that's kind of how I saw it. And then when I started digging, I was like, like, oh, I have like severe adrenal fatigue and my hormones are a mess and no wonder, I have like adult acne and these just these random little things that were kind of annoying. I started to all put the pieces together. So sometimes it's like when you find yourself like waiting on something, whether that's a business thing to work out or a personal thing to work out, like another thing can be like, take some time to investigate and really pour into your health and well being to support that. Because especially as an achiever, like I think we ambitious go getters, like we may think we're taking care of our health, but then we eat through lunch or we work through lunch and our blood sugar is a hot mess. And so I don't know, just finding little ways to say how can I really support my health and wellbeing? And I think we often think about that as self care. I think about that as being educated. I mean it is self care, but it's like it's being educated to say what does my body actually need? If I ever actually really listened to it. For the first time in however many years I had been building my business, I really started to pay attention to that and prioritize that. And so it could be one or all of those things, but those are just a few ideas of ways to like, kind of make the most of a bootcamp season, but also become a more interesting person, a healthier person, a more well rounded person, and honestly have more energy and inspiration in your work when you come back to it as you do those things. I feel like my work has benefited from it. I feel like this book has become a stronger message because of the willingness to lean into those things. I think the projects I choose to take on now in my work have more clarity and intention and purpose, and they're not just because it's to achieve the next thing. So, yeah, there's a lot of benefits. Benefits that can come from those simple things that in a way you may think are a waste of time, but that are truly, like, I think, building blocks for the things that we really need to be doing.

So good. Let's end on trying to assess the why that we're doing things. Can you chat a little bit on that? Like how we can get so in the inertia of maybe a dream from when we were younger or seeing a dream that we think we want. How do we reassess or really get behind the why? What did you do?

So. So I was called why. I call the single most important question why. And a lot of times when we hear the word why, we think about it in the typical context that we hear in entrepreneurship, which is like, what's your why? Right? Like this big, grandiose why for, like, your business. And I've had to kind of deduce it down to I actually need to ask why? To every single commitment on my plate, every goal I think I'm pursuing, every dream I think I want, every project I want to launch, all the things. Because I think sometimes we arbitrarily set goals and we don't even know. And I hesitate to say define enough only because it sounds like you're being lazy or complacent. But what I mean is, like, actually, sometimes the best way to, like, grow your business or to grow yourself is to define enough so you're not arbitrarily chasing numbers that you think you need to be hitting or doing things you think you need to be doing because your sister did it or because you saw a Facebook ad that says you could do it, or because, like, there's so many messages that are telling us what you could or should do that it's like, is that even right for you like, for your season of life and your priorities in this life, whether that's or in this season, whether that's to have a family or to take care of your health because you found out you had Hashimoto's or something else random like. Like, you've got to make sure that your work and your goals are in alignment with your true priorities. And so I always suggest starting with what is my present priority? Meaning? Because a lot of times we say priorities as if it's a plural, but priority means one, like the number one thing. So how can you have a top priority while you also have all these responsibilities to steward? And I kind of wrestled with that for a long time, and then I kind of came to this realization of you have to start with your present priority. Meaning, what is the thing, the number one thing that needs tending or, like, urgent attention in my life? Is it this project in my business? Okay, is it getting out of debt? Is it taking care of my health? Because I just found out of this diagnosis that I didn't know I had. Is it trying to heal my marriage? Like, there's probably going to be one or two, but I usually. There's one big thing that you're like, that needs the attention the most the soonest, and that could be for any number of reasons. So try to, like, think in the next six months what needs my most urgent care. Then what happens is it's not that you just say, and all of the responsibilities are gone. You just start tweaking how you go about those responsibilities so that they actually support your present priority rather than detract for them because you're trying to treat them all as priorities. So, for example, for me, it was like, oh, my gosh, I didn't realize all these health issues were going on. For me, I need to take the next year to really heal and prioritize my health. So that became my present priority. The house decision I mentioned earlier had to get in alignment with that. The way we were doing the house thing before was taking away from that. So we sold the house and we got a new house that simplified our life. The way I ran my business, I had to do some different things. I had to. To say, you know what? Some of these projects are gonna have to wait a year or two, and we're gonna really do well at the one or two that are working well right now. And we're gonna simplify to really support the present priority. So everything else basically falls in line with it. So I think get clear on your present priority first. And then look at everything on your plate, everything you're considering doing to every single one, audit it, and say, why? Why do I wanna make that much on that project? That was something my husband asked me one year. He's like, so, what do you wanna do on this project? And I was like. And this was right after we had this whole conversation of, like, reducing stress, taking care of my health, and I threw out some big number. And he's like, okay, cool. I. Awesome. Why? And I was like, I don't know, because, like, I heard somebody else do that on a course launch or something and I think I should. And he's like, do we need to. Like, that's great if we hit that. But, like, what do you actually need so you could don't, like, over exert yourself unnecessarily. And when we kind of worked through why I even wanted to make a decent amount on it, we found I only needed to do like half or something. So it was like, it took pressure off, like, oh, I would have just. And if I make more than that, great. But this arbitrary goal setting because we saw someone else do it or because we think it sounds good or because. Because it sounds big or whatever, we get so caught up in the flashy, arbitrary things that we don't really figure out what is aligned with the priority that I need to be taken care of in this season of my life. So all of that said, I think it's really beneficial to. Especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or like you're all over the place, look at everything you think you want to do, every goal you set, every monetary goal you set, everything you think you're going to tackle this year and go, why? Why this? And if you don't have a clear reason for it, if it's, I don't know, it sounds good or, well, I don't know. My friend did that recently and I feel like I should be able to do that because I have the same following size or because we've been in business the same amount of time or whatever else. That's a terrible reason to exert yourself to achieve a goal. So maybe it's actually, that's not the right goal for me. That one's going to get tabled for this year. We'll come back to it next year. And that's a really healthy way to identify the right goals for you to pursue in a world that's constantly telling you what you could be doing or what you should do.

Oh, man, you literally are inspiring me with. With Chris to just make a list of everything we're doing and just have fun, see what comes up. So interesting. And then because we are in a really. We're trying to refine and refine and refine even more.

So.

I love this so much. This is such great timing. Okay, tell me about some things we didn't touch on that are in your book and who the perfect person is for this book.

Everything from unmet expectations to, you know, one big topic in the book that I think is really relevant to this conversation is there's a whole chapter on when your dreams come true for everybody. Everyone but you. So when you've worked your butt off and your friend just like seems to have sneezed and her business took off and you're like, what's going on? You know, or, you know, you've tried to hide your family and your friends are getting pregnant, no problem. Or whatever else it may be, it's just, it's really challenging to be like, how do I see that? As not just a reminder of what's painful, but also of what's possible. So there's a whole chapter on that. But I think the perfect person for this book. It really can be a variety of things. If you feel like, gosh, I thought by now I'd be married with a kid and a dog and a three bedroom house. But instead I'm still living in a loft, trying to hustle to grow my business and. And it's not working. Or just feeling like there's one thing in your life that even though there's most of your life's going great, but there's this thing that just feels like, I thought by now I would have had that. I thought by now I would have been out of debt. I thought by now I would have had the seven figure business. I thought by now I would have met my person. I thought by now I'd be here. But instead I'm here. If you feel like you're just short of the finish line of the life you thought you would have had or of a goal or a goal or a milestone that you thought you'd have, this book's going to serve you really well. It's going to basically serve as a roadmap of life. Like, well, you can't force that finish line to get any closer and you can't like change the way it's all going to work out, but you can control the way that you walk this journey and you can really lean into clarity and contentment. Because I think these middle seasons, these Uncertainties, these pending dreams that we kind of live through, they're invitations in a weird way. They're like an opportunity to not only step back and reevaluate and get clear on where am I going and why and what do I really want and what do I really value? Because sometimes we need that perspective and adversity creates that. But also how can I make the most most of the middle and where I'm at now so that I really create a life I truly like and I become a more interesting and prepared person when I finally do cross that finish line and get to the next thing?

Oh my God. Such a good message. So needed, especially for everyone who listens to this podcast because we're all kind of, you know, whether we really think about how much we're waiting or not, it's easier to wait than it is to enjoy. It is easier to get in the waiting than it is to enjoy. And I'm. I don't know about you, but I'm so over waiting and I'm ready to enjoy. Thank you so much for coming on. I just love any time that I get to talk to you, your wisdom. You've just gone through so much that's so profound and I'm so grateful that you share it with everybody. Where can we find, purchase, do all the things with your book support you?

Yeah, well, thank you for asking and thanks for having me. You can find the book anywhere books are sold. It's called Embrace youe Almost kind of a funky title but as you get into it obviously makes sense anywhere books are sold. Amazon, Target, Barnes and Noble, all that. And then you can follow along the book launch journey or do just anything that I share at Jordan Leedooly on Instagram, TikTok all the places.

Amazing. You guys definitely go grab this book for real whether you need it right.

Now or you're going to need it later.

Once you're really in the thing, let me tell you, you will find yourself in the middle and it will be the most important thing for you to do is to learn how to enjoy it because that's what will actually either make the thing go make you enjoy your life or make you find the next thing for sure. So guys, go grab this book and one of the biggest gifts that we can give to Jordan is to tag her and let's her know what your biggest takeaway was and share her book. That is a huge way that we can support each other, support other women, support authors. When you support someone that shows that you also will be supported when your dream comes out. So sending you so much love. Thank you, Jordan. And until next time, everyone earn your happy. Bye bye.

Sam.