879. Stop Being Responsible For Others’ Emotions And Experiences

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It is time to release and let go. It is time to start focusing on your joy because if you do not do this you will become the most resentful person because some people's is just unshiftable. Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast and today I am in our new Newport home which is so exciting. Newport Beach, California we are splitting time doing about five months out here which is probably the best thing that I get to report ever. Because you guys may or may not know that I am obsessed with the water. It is like the place that I go to to feel grounded, to just get fresh ideas, to feel so at peace. Like my soul is so incredibly happy here. So I'm happy to report that I am two days into our new house. I have a closet to put together, we have pictures to hang, we have furniture to get, all really fun things. But I'm planning on spending my weekend in that way so that this next week I can just hit the ground running. So outside of what I normally do, it's just like I've been working so much. That actually sounds like so much fun to me because I'm a person who loves to just use my hands and organize and all of that stuff. Not all the time but once in a while. So it sounds really great to me. Guys, today I want to chat with you about your feelings being your own responsibility and everyone else's feelings being their own responsibility and taking full ownership over whether or not you have a good time at different things or events or family get togethers or in your house with your family and letting it be everyone else's responsibility for how they feel than their emotions as well. Now this is probably going to be one of the hardest things that a lot of you hear because for me I am a very sensitive person. I am really emotionally tuned in. I am the person who can feel what is going on in the room and what people are thinking at all times. Now am I always right?

No.

But a practice that I have been really leaning into lately is letting people be responsible for their own emotions and knowing that they can self regulate and it is not my responsibility if they are not happy. So whether this is family members time with family spent with family, you know, maybe you have family dinners, maybe you have family get togethers maybe you have holidays or whether this is being in a room with a lot of people, going out to dinner with different people, going out with friends, hanging out with friends, being on a trip with different people, knowing that if someone is not okay or someone is not necessarily showing that they're having a good time, or someone has massive resting bitch face, or if somebody is just pouting or moping, or if someone is just a massive narcissist that you know or in your family, then this is something that is definitely going to trigger you or cause you a lot of discomfort to try this practice on. And you guys, we are with so many different people all of the time. Like Chris and I are with so many different people from friends to family, to networking, to meeting new people, to going to events in our different businesses that I can honestly tell you that there are so many personalities out there that if you can master just really owning the responsibility for your own self, that you're going to live a much better life. Because as much as I talk about boundaries and as much as I talk about making sure that you are a around elevated people and getting in those important rooms with, you know, incredible up leveled people, you can't control everyone that you're around. And a lot of us have maybe past friends or family or people that we have to work with that have. We have not maybe shifted out of yet or we can't necessarily change, we can change how much time we spend with them, but we can't necessarily change certain things, right? So I'm talking to you. If you're somebody right now who can't change a current situation or maybe is having trouble struggling with someone in their family who might be one of the people that I described. So when you're with these people or when you find yourself in a situation like this, all of you people pleasers, myself included, it can feel like it is your job to make sure that the room is having fun. And just because you can, just because you know, you have a very powerful energy that can shift a lot of things just because you can and you're finding yourself focusing on this one person who's not having fun or who's having a bad time and you don't know why, or you're getting really upset, or maybe you're saying passive aggressive things about gee, why can't we all just have fun? Or why does this person always have to be this way? Or maybe you're just saying really passive aggressive things that they don't even know, or maybe they're stuck in their head or whatever that may be. I am going to have you try on something else.

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When you find yourself leaning in to wanting to change a situation, wanting to shift the energy because one person is really bringing it down while everyone else is trying to have fun, I want you to lean into finding the person that actually brings you joy. I want you to lean into going over to the group at the party that seems like they're having a lot of fun and just staying with them and completely ignoring the fact that you cannot change the current emotions of maybe one or two people in the room. Let it be okay that they're moping. Let it be okay that they're pouting. Let it be okay that they are sitting on the couch alone. It is not always your responsibility to go and make the someone happy. You are going to feel so burdened. You are going to lead a very troubled life if you continue to show up at every family get together thinking that you have to go sit by the person who's pouting. Go sit by the person whose arms are always crossed. Go make sure they're having a good time. Put all of your attention on them. This is going to be a miserable experience for you. This is going to be a miserable existence for you. If you think that their emotions are your responsibility. A lot of times it's really important to actually leave them alone and let them self regulate and find their way. Here's the deal. For a lot of us who are people pleasers, for a lot of us who do know that we are very powerful, for a lot of us who know that we can bring the emotions up in the room and shift them, I'm telling you, if you've been in this situation with the same people over and over and it is not changing anything. It is time to release and let go. It is time to start focusing on your joy. Because if you do not do this, you will become the most resentful person because some people's energy is just unshiftable. And now it is your time to focus on you and make sure that you are having fun. To make sure that you are are in good energy. To make sure that you leave that party knowing that you had a good time and it's okay to not sit here and make sure everyone's happy and leave the party or the get together or the networking event and say damn it, I'm so pissed off. Why are they like this? They never change. Yes, they may never change. It is your responsibility now to make sure that you have a good time and that you are responsible for your experience, right?

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And if this is triggering you or if maybe you're saying yes, hallelujah, someone's giving me permission. The first few times that you do this, you're gonna leave feeling really selfish. You're gonna leave feeling like you almost ignored that person or those people who were like that.

That's okay.

Because as soon as they start to care about your emotions is when they are invited. They have a full invite to come over and talk to you. They have a full invite to come over and join the group that is having fun. They have a full INV to always come and enjoy the activities. But if they are not choosing that, it is not your responsibility to babysit and make sure that they're having fun. So I'm giving you 100% permission, in fact 1,000% permission, to focus on you going forward. Focus on you making sure that you're in the energy that you want and let it be okay, that you completely even turn away from those people. Because if they do not care about your emotions, it's time to stop caring about theirs. If you have been doing doing this for years, if you've even been doing this for a short period of time, they will end up self regulating and managing. And even if this looks like them being mad at you or annoyed with you, if the fact that they cannot have fun without everybody paying attention or everyone's focus on them, then it is time to turn away from that type of energy because it will only cause you to be resentful, upset, sad, angry, all of the above. And it is our decision to keep choosing that. And if we keep choosing that, it's time to look at what part of that that they are doing is actually feeding a very small, bizarre part of us. I've had to look at this where I'm like, huh? What part of me is it feeding? That I continue to go back to the places that are making me upset and that are making me frustrated and that are making me angry. And I've noticed that. It's because I believe that they need me. It's because I know that I have this powerful energy that can really help shift a room. And even though we can, doesn't mean that we should. So if part of us is actually relying on these type of people to make us realize that we're needed and that we are powerful, is that actually healthy? No, it's not. So you guys, I want to send you so much love today and just say it is time to walk in the rooms and find the people that elevate you and bring you joy. It is time to go to the family gatherings and let it be okay to ignore that aunt or uncle or whoever it is that is bringing you down and just turn away from it and don't even focus on it. And let them have their own experience, their own tantrums, their own anger, anger in their own space. It's not up to you to fix them because you can't. So you guys, I really, really hope that you start to lean in and make this a practice. Send them love. Of course, be friendly, but at the same time put that boundary up. If you can't change it, put a fence around your energy and you know, let them know it is okay if they want to come over to the fun side. It is okay if they want to.

Join the the party.

You would love to have them join the activities, but if not, that's fine too. And you're going to be good and it's all right to let them struggle on their own if you have not been able to change it. So I'm sending you so much love. This is one of those things that is going to be a lifetime practice. It is the hardest thing that you will ever do. You will probably leave feeling terrible the first time that you do it, but it's no worse than you were already feeling. It is time to start looking out for your best interest. Because when you focus on you and when you feel good, that is when you can make the most change. Not when you're upset, not when you're resentful, not when you feel bad and not when you're angry. You can only make the biggest changes in your life and create a ripple effect for other people. When you are in your joy and when you have boundaries, when you stand firm in what you believe, when you know who you are when. When you are not leaking energy out to those people who you know that you will never be able to make happy anyway. So I would love to know what your biggest takeaway was from this. I always love to know who's listening. I love to know if this helps you if you're going to do this. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone.

It.