886. Lisa Bilyeu On Radical Confidence: How To Move Through Fear, Find Lessons In Rejection And Detach Your Self-Worth From Business Outcomes

This podcast is sponsored by Better Help online therapy. For 10% off your first month, go to betterhelp.com Lori Start living a better life today. Thanks to Avast for supporting Earn youn Happy. Avast's new all in1 solution. Avast1 helps you take control of your safety and privacy online through a range of features. Learn more about Avast1@avast.com.

Live the life you want. But but if you want to actually get to your goals, if you actually want to dream and you are so driven to get there, you have to embrace that you're not going to feel great all the time, but how do you do it? And that's where it comes to create a game plan.

Hey everyone.

Welcome back to the show. I'm excited for today's guest because this woman is somebody who I got the opportun opportunity to spend some time with, not just having some really incredible dinners with other women, but also got to go on her incredible podcast which I absolutely loved. Got to be on her husband show which is incredible. These two are just powerhouses. I can't even tell you the impact that they have on myself, on my husband and out in the world. So today on the show I had Lisa Bilyeu who co founded Quest nutrition, which grew 57,000% in its first three years. I don't even know what it looked looks like to grow 57,000%, you guys, this is insane. She's also the co founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, which is a revolutionary digital first studio that produces widely entertaining original content focusing on themes of empowerment.

I love all of the work that.

They put out in the world. In fact, you have probably watched it somewhere on YouTube. Listen to the podcast.

Over the course of her career, Lisa.

Has created a slate of content that has been viewed more than half a.

Billion billion times and she and her.

Husband have built Impact Theory's global audience.

To more than 7.5 million.

As host of the digital series Women of Impact, Lisa conducts real uncensored conversations which I got to be on, which was so much fun with the most inspiring women. Her book Radical Confidence has hit shelves as of May 10th of this year and she lives in Los Angeles with her husband Tom and their two fur babies.

She freaking loves her life. I love her. I love her fur babies.

I love all the things you guys. This podcast is so good. Her book is absolutely incredible. If you are craving more confidence, if you just feel like you're not sure if you will ever be confident or if you need to be born a confident Person. This podcast is for you because it is going to debunk all of those thoughts and show you that, yes, you can. You are more than capable, and it's more than possible for you. So let's get started.

Lisa, I'm so excited to have you back on the show. It's been a while. We were just talking about. We're like, where does the time go? Laurie?

I'm so excited. Seriously. It's been, like, four years, and it's so amazing to think because I was actually, before I came on, I was putting myself in the shoes of the Lisa that you that first came on your podcast four years ago. And I'm like, go. I was petrified to come on your podcast.

Oh, my God.

I was petrified. I was like, oh, my God, Lori's interviewing me. Like, you know when you're just, like, holding your breath and because I came on with Cassie at the time, I was like, every time she asked me a question, my heart. And it's such a beautiful example of, like, even when you're scared, like, still do it, because over time, that scared feeling really does lessen. And so even me coming on today, I've been so excited. So I can't believe four years ago I was petrified, and then today I've got, like, a totally different emotion around doing the same thing. So I'm so excited to be here to come full circle.

Oh, I love that so much. And thank you for sharing that just right up front, because, number one, I would have never known that. Number two, our heartbeats were probably synced up because I was freaking out as well that you were both there. Number three, how incredible to be in the position where you have learned how to channel that into excitement, because it's still kind of like, the same. Like, you get, like, the rush, but you can now have a different perspective around it. And this is really awesome because your book that you're coming out with radical confidence is so much about this. I know that we're going to go into this. How do you get that? And I know that through the four years, you've probably done so many different things to stack all of these different experiences into the woman that we see online who is just so confident. We feel like you're all saying what you think and how you feel in owning it. And it seems like you're Teflon, like, nothing sticks to you. Like, you can just literally let things roll. But we all know that's probably not fully the case, but I want to hear all about those things. Lisa and I know we were just chatting about writing a book and it's just such an interesting. Which probably also adds to the confidence factor, but it's such an interesting journey. So I kind of want to start there with how did you know that you were going to write a book? Why was this so important for you to talk about?

So that's so fascinating that you said I picked up on the word. I seem like I'm Teflon. I feel like I'm Velcro or even like sticky tape. Everything sticks to me. It's like the opposite because people see me taking action, people see me stepping in front of the camera, people see me doing a book. People see me speaking out and being vulnerable. But the truth is that inside I'm still petrified. Inside I'm still scared. I still have all my insecurities. The only difference is I don't let it stop me. And so that's really why I wrote this book. Because I lived eight years, as you know, I was a stay at home wife, which is nothing wrong with that, just wasn't my dream. And that's the key. I lived eight years living someone else's vision of what my life should be like. And I call it purgatory, the mundane. My life was just mundane enough. I didn't hit rock bottom. So we know so many people make changes in their lives when they hit rock bottom, right? But I didn't. So I lived like eight years in like this purgatory state. And I kept telling myself, I'm going to make a change. When I have the confidence. When I have the confidence to tell my husband, I'm not happy. When I have the confidence to tell my family who expected me to be a mother and a stay at home wife, that isn't my dream. I was waiting and it kept me there for eight years. And when I think about the trajectory of my career, of my life, it wasn't that I got the confidence and then started. It was actually that I had radical confidence. Which means I took all of my insecurities, all of my incapability and thinking I wasn't good enough. I took all of that with me and just did it anyway. And it was the fact of doing it anyway that then started to build my skill sets. It was then the skill sets that got built that made, made me more competent at things. It was then the fact that I got competent at things that allowed me to embody confidence. And so I'm still learning. There's still things I don't know. So Going back to what you said about writing the book. The very first words out of my mouth, girl, When. So Tom came to me, and a literary agent actually said, hey, is Lisa interested in writing a book? He comes to me and he tells me, babe, literary agent just said. And I was like, oh, that's nice. And I go back to, like, typing at my computer. He's like, did you just hear what I said? And I was like, yeah, just said, that's nice. And he's like, you're not going to take this seriously. The very first words out of my mouth was, well, who would buy a book from me? This was a year and a half ago. So I'd already built that quest that went from zero to $1 billion in five years. We'd already built Impact theory. We ready host of my show, where we've got content that I've created that's been viewed over 500 million times, and yet there's still that part of me that is completely insecure, that absolutely feels incompetent because the truth is, I didn't know how to write a book. And so what I did, though, is where you're seeing the confidence. But I just went, lisa, you don't know how to write a book, but do it anyway. And you learn along the way. And giving myself grace to learn along the way, falling on the floor and getting back up is exactly what then leads, like I said earlier, to confidence. So some people see the end result. But I desperately try to talk in real time about the messiness that is building confidence, that is building that strength inside of you to take the first step. But it takes more than just willing it.

It's crazy. I'm trying to think back to before I realized how to do it, what it took. Like, oh, I have anxiety. I'm scared. I'm doing all the things I, like, feel like I have all of these blocks, but I'm supposed to just, like, do it with it. Like, I actually thought there were two types of people. Like, those who were scared and had anxiety and didn't do anything, and those who were born confident or those who were luckier than I was to be born into a family where that was, like, taught or learned at a young age. And I really remember thinking that. And I have to, like. It's funny because I'm kind of speaking on this a lot right now. And I had this realization, Lisa, and I'd love to hear, like, your point, but even when I was, like, in that lowest place of believing, my story of I have Panic attacks. I got the short end of the stick with like how I was raised and their beliefs. There was like this little tiny part of me that was like, your story's bullshit. You're believing your lie. Like, or you know that there's just something that you don't want to do that's gonna make you so uncomfortable. So you're choosing the lie over and over again and to stick this story so you don't have to do the hard stuff. I wanna know like about your moment. Maybe it even was with this book where you're like, oh God, I'm choosing to like stay in that story of I don't know how to write the book. Or maybe a time where you were choosing to stay in the story because you didn't want to do the tough stuff.

Yeah, it's interesting because for me it wasn't like, that story's a lie, but that it's the old belief that I'm carrying. And so when I said that out loud, literally as the words are coming out of my mouth to my husband, where I'm like, who would buy a book for me? I was like, oh, the little 14 year old Lisa's still there. Like, I didn't go, I just didn't judge myself. And I think that that's where we get stuck, is that just if we can remove the judgment of how we feel, it can be such an amazing tool to give us guides on what we're doing wrong, of what we can do next, of the moves that we can make. But we try to shut it down because it becomes fearful. So even with me, when I said about the book, I was like, oh, she's still there. Okay, well look, you know that belief doesn't serve you anymore, right? And I start coaching myself through that belief system. I don't ever judge myself or put myself down for having it. So I just go, remember you're not there, Lisa. Remind myself of all the things that I've done. And then just say, but it's okay that I feel like that. And I'm going to help that old Lisa show that I have changed. So that's actually a big key. And then the fear part of it is giving yourself grace to feel the fear. And when I say like kind of do it anyway, it really is, but how do you do it right? Instead of getting in your own head about the story? Because let's pinpoint that how many of us, every one of us, I think carries a story with us. And so my question is, how do we not get held back by whatever that story is. Because the story I tell myself isn't the same as what story you tell yourself isn't the same as other people. But it all leads to the same results. We don't move forward. So now I go to how do we move forward? And that is what I focus on. What are the steps I have to take? Because I feel the fear and I really hate the message where people like, be scared, but do it in a way and just go for it without actually giving tactics of how to go for it. Because now you're just expecting people to. You're almost blaming them for having anxiety and say, get over it. Instead of acknowledging, oh, you've got anxiety, that's actually okay. So today all you need to do is step one, one. So what I do is I go, what is my goal? And to your point, are you willing to do what it takes to get to that goal? And if the answer is no, then at least you have it and go, you know what? I decided with my eyes wide open that I told myself this story. Back to your point, I told myself this story. I looked at the story and said, does this align with my goals? I made a decision that actually I would rather be in comfort and stick to the story that doesn't serve my goals than actually be uncomfortable, comfortable and go for my goals. That's so freeing. Don't judge yourself for that and just say, you know what, I don't want to be in a place of being uncomfortable all the time, but do it with your eyes wide open so that in five years when you look back and you say, why am I not at my goal? You can say, oh, it was because I told myself I'd rather be comfortable. Amazing. It's your life. Live the life you want. But if you want to actually get to your goals, if you actually want a dream and you are so driven to get there, you have to embrace that you're not going to feel great all the time, but how do you do it? And that's where it comes to create a game plan. So for me, my goal was impact. And I go, what does that look like? And actually be succinct in what that goal and mission is. So for me is to create content that empowers 14 year olds to believe in themselves so they don't have to spend the next 20 years unwiring the negative mindset I've had. So make your goal super freaking succinct. Know the who and the what. So for me, it's creating Content, that's the what, the who, 14 year old girls, the why so they don't have to unwire their mindset that I've had to do for 20 years. Okay. Now I've got my mission. That's my freaking North Star. So every time I make a decision where the fear comes in, the insecurity, the story, let's go back to the story we tell ourselves. Every time the story comes in, I go to my myself. Does this right now serve that mission that I've just stated to you? Yes or no? So public speaking, being in front of the camera used to petrify me. And every time I would say does the fear serve the goal? No, it doesn't. Getting in front of the camera helps my message. So I realize the fear I'm facing doesn't help my mission. Getting on stage to empower people to show who I am absolutely serves my goal because I'm too petrified to get on stage. So now the question is how do I get on stage? Perspective is everything. And so for me it was a stepping stone. I put a guide together, there was step one. The next person that asked you to public speak, you say yes. You tell your team to say yes. So now you can't back out. So that was my first strategy. And it so happened. The first people that asked with TedX and I was like, I really put myself in there but I couldn't back out because I made myself a promise. So now I've said yes. How do I actually take the steps to go on stage? Because when you're anxious, no matter how much you want to, no matter how much you tell yourself you need to, what am I going to do to get my mind in the right state so I can actually get on stage?

Yes.

Like taking the steps is petrifying. So I just again, no judgment to myself, I said okay, what do you know? What are the tools you can do? You know, motivation, you might know mindset. So I have to stop believing that I can. So I started putting post its on my mirror. Gearing up to that event, I started to get together my superhero outfit which I like to light. I caught that on purpose. Yeah, Totally by accident. Right. Make it light hearted. So I'm not taking me being on stage light hearted. So I said to myself, Lisa, what's your superhero outfit? So I actually got Supergirl underwear.

I love it totally.

Because when you go to go on stage, I don't know about you, I have the nerves. You need to kind of pee like 30, 40 times.

Yes.

So it's like, what are those little subliminal messages I'm going to keep giving myself? As I gear up to get on stage, what outfit am I going to wear? I've got boots that are knee high, so those motivate me. When I put them on, go and just zip them up. I feel powerful. What music am I going to listen to? So what I did is before I got on stage, I had 10 minutes. I put my headset on, I had my playlist ready and I acted like it was my hype song. As if I was like a Wrestlemania coming through that tunnel with everyone cheering. So I had a strategy. So I don't want people to stop at. Just do it. Anyway, the whole point is, you know you're not going to let your fist stop you. That's the decision you make. And then you come up with a frickin game plan and the book, each chapter comes up with different types of game plans that you can put in to overcome the thing that is absolutely getting in your way of who you are today and who you want to be.

2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss, you become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with sh Shopify 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made the sleep from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so.

Scared to take the leap.

And I'm so glad that I did.

And that I use Shopify.

It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the same dashboard. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side. Too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself. And the good news is it's it doesn't have to be this way and you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and more than a dozen other bestsellers, created the Working Genius assessment to help you pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up up every day. If you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life, Working Genius is going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything, it's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the Working Genius assessment today and get 20% off with code earn at working genius. That's working genius.com you'll be glad you did it.

Hey, I didn't really need to interrupt this podcast to let you know that.

Life can be overwhelming, but you're probably.

Going down your to do list right now and thinking that that's the only reason. And a lot of times we don't realize that we can be really burnt out from things that we don't even realize are going on in our lives or that are affecting us. So better help. Online therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself. So for me, my environment is such a huge contributor to my overall well being and mental health that it's something that I really need to look at. And while Arizona has been so good to us, I was beginning to hit a wall with my motivation. So when we moved to California it was really just in time to kind of deter myself from burning out. I can get into such a rut in such a grind. So being next to a massive body of water for me is literally something that really feeds my soul and my mind and that I need to make time for feeds my spirit. I feel like an entirely new person who can give so much more to my business and personal life. And you'd be really surprised at some of the uncommon symptoms of burnout, like feeling helpless or Trapped detachment, maybe, or really fatigued.

You might also be surprised that there.

Are therapists at Better Help who specialize in uncovering the source of what might actually be burning you out. Therapy can be intimidating, especially going into a physical office and sitting in a quiet waiting room. I know I'm not a super fan of making time for that, but I will make time when it's easy. BetterHelp makes access to therapy super simple by removing any intimidation you might get. Feel it's customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions, which is so helpful with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. But it's much more affordable than in person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in 48 hours or less. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and earn your happy listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Lori that's. That's B-E-T-T E R H E-L-P.com Lori.

I can't tell you how much I love this. I was trying to figure out when you look back over which you're doing, you're immersed in it right now. When you look back over your story, I didn't consider myself someone who was special or had. And I know that you feel this way. Nothing extra special that makes you go for it or made you say, I'm.

Going to be successful.

These are all really learned, disciplined, like, things and beliefs that you've had to break through and, like, figure out and let go of and, and relearn. So for me, it's like everything that you're saying, it's exactly how I've been able to do anything and everything is. I find the fear and figure out what it is. Sometimes I figure out the root cause and then I support myself around it. I'm like, what do you need? What would you need to do this? So I want to know about the game plans because I'm so interested in some of the strategies and game plans that you share within the book. So can you share some of those with us?

Yeah, absolutely. So one of my favorites is what I call emotional sobriety that I actually stole from my husband. But when we've had too much alcohol, I don't know about you, but I've definitely woken up the next day, regretted things I've done, regrets things I've said because I've just had one too many shots and I was like, damn, I should have stopped. I should have Stopped, but I kept going. And now I regret things. How many of us have had that with emotions? Well, we've said something in a moment where maybe we've stayed longer than we should. We've engaged in the heatedness of the situation. We get ourselves worked up, whether it's heated emotion or sadness or anger or frustration. And we say things and we do things. And the next day when the emotion clears, you start regretting it in your head. You spin around and around. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have done that. And now what we end up doing is beating ourselves up. And so we always leave the situation where it's like we just feel bad about ourselves. We feel bad about what we said, what we did, and then we're beating ourselves up overs, and then we beat ourselves up over beating ourselves up. So it just becomes this, like, vicious cycle. So I started to realize, what would it take to go back in time and be able to start reassessing how I handle myself in those moments so that I don't have the after effects, the regrets? And so that's what we call emotional sobriety. So knowing yourself, just like with alcohol, I know how many drinks I can have before I start getting too tipsy. And so knowing what is your threshold of a situation when it comes to emotions with no judgment, like, if you're the sort of person that gets very sensitive over certain things, what are the things you can put in place? And everything is rewind in my mind. So it's like I almost can't do it in real time. I rewind a situation that I've regretted, and I write it like a screenplay. So what happened? Not how did you feel, just actually, what are the words on the page? Because, you know, screenplays, it's all about dialogue. So I go back, I rewrite the screenplay as how it was, and then I start to go, where were the flags that now started to trigger emotions? Let's just say it's a relationship. It was when my husband said this. Okay, well, now that I am sorry, emotionally sober, I can see the words for how they actually work. And now I can identify, oh, he pressed the button. Because I actually have an insecurity over this that I've carried on from childhood. So now you're identifying where the triggers are, why the triggers happen, and then coming up with a game plan of what you're going to do the next time that happens. So the next time someone presses that trigger, what are you going to do or say to make sure you don't get emotionally drunk and then regret it the next time day. So for me, it would be all right. When my husband presses this button, I say, babe, I love you. I need time and space. I'm going to walk away now. Right? Like having actual words that allow you in those moments to stop the emotional turmoil that you're going through, to stop the emotional momentum. Because, you know, sometimes it just escalates, right? It keeps going. So I think emotional sobriety is imperative when you're going after any dream goal, because you will be challenged. You will face people that don't agree with you. You will face people that think that you're stupid, that you're going after a dream that isn't possible. And in those moments where you find yourself flustered, when you find yourself defending yourself, when you find yourself getting angry, that won't serve your goal. So if in those moments, you know, you have tactics, you have a way to handle yourself, even if you're removing yourself from that situation, that will be huge in being able to take that skill set in every area of your life. So when you're in a business meeting and let's say you have a guy that has 20 more years experience in business than you, and they look down on you and they're like, hey, little girl.

I was in that business meeting recently.

And how did you handle yourself, Lori?

Very well. I'm excited to hear what you have to say, but I had prepared a plan.

There you go.

For that situation.

Can you share the plan? Do you mind sharing?

I just. I knew that there was either two outcomes. There was either that one where it was going to be like, this is a really stupid idea, X, Y and Z, or like, this is great. And I think with either one, I knew that it was just an opinion and a perspective from his current, like, where he was standing. And I know that he can't see my vision and, like, how it's actually going to happen. He doesn't live in my world. He doesn't know anything about me or the drive or anything like that. So I think it was. He's going to have his opinion without all of these things that I know about myself, about the market, about the actual person it's going to be helping or going towards or, you know, product, market fit. Like, they're not. He's not going to have all of this experience that I have. He's going to be taking other experience, but he can still only see, like 25% of what I can actually see. So it's going to be okay. If he makes his decision based off that 25%, it could either be good or bad, and I'm okay with it either way.

And you did all of that before you went into all of that?

All of that. And I did so much prep work around that that, yes, I was. To what you're saying. If I did not do that, the little conversations like that, that are so small in the grand scheme of how many conversations you need to have would knock me down, Lisa. Like, the five years ago, me probably wouldn't have been able to do that.

And that's so freaking strong because you planned and. And it's those that you even said. It's, you know, the five years ago, you wouldn't have done that. Everything becomes stepping stones. So even the people that are listening right now is like, if they figure out, okay, I figured out my, you know, emotional trigger when someone says this. The chances are even when you figure it out, you're going to slip out. And in those moments, do you go, okay, cool. What can I learn from it? And how do I keep moving forward? Because the whole point is progression. The point isn't perfection. I wish. I wish, like, but if I focused on perfection, I would always beat myself up. Perfection. So I focus on progression. And so to your point where it's like, you're able now to go, you've progressed so much that you got into the point where you can do the work beforehand. And now, you know, when you get into that meeting, you actually remove your emotions from it. Because what's happening is if he turns around is like, that's terrible. What are you doing? You don't take it personally. You've already done the work. You've already gone, oh, okay, that isn't about me. That's about his perspective on the situation. And now you're not being emotionally triggered of any insecurity you may have had. Oh, my God, he's saying, I'm not good enough. Right? That's where the trigger comes, and that's where the emotion comes. That's where the anxiety comes from. Because now you're getting all flustered, but you didn't get flustered because you did the work prior. That prior work is able to be done once you've kind of learned the lessons. So going into these situations, writing the script, reassessing the script, and then redoing it time and time again, eventually one year, two years, three years, five years, ends up being, you knew, essentially, you knew, I have to do the work because this is a meeting that could trigger me.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting.

To be one of them for you.

And when you want more, when you're starting a business, you need Northwest Registered Agent because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business.

Every step of the way.

You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it, like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com, forward/, earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent@www.northwestregisteredagent.com earnfree.

I think we're in a time where I can say that pretty much everybody has experienced some sort of cyber hacking online. Whether it's your credit cards or something on social media, it's definitely a out there. And Avast is a global leader in cyber security that empowers you with digital safety and privacy no matter where you might be logging in from. It allows you to be connected on your terms safely. Avast new all in one solution avast1 is going to help you take control of your safety and privacy online through a range of different features. You can learn more about Avast1@avast.com and we're traveling so much this summer that I'm logging in from so many different places, so it's super important that we keep our devices and Internet connections protected from any viruses or malware. Avast antivirus feature simply keeps this from happening on any of your devices. P.S. this feature will also protect you if you accidentally click on a bad phishing link, so that feels so much safer to me. I don't have to freak out at every single thing that's sent to me. I also love Avast data breach monitoring because it keeps tabs on whether the millions of online accounts that I have been logged into are compromised or I need to change my password.

I admit I don't choose the most.

Difficult passwords to remember sometimes, so this.

Feature is perfect for us bad password makers. Anyone out there raise your hand, that is me. Avast offers both free and premium versions. Avast prevents over 1.5 million attacks every month. With Avast1, you can confidently take control of your online world without worrying about viruses, phishing attacks, ransomware, hacking attempts, and other cyber crimes. Learn more about Avast1@avast.com avast.com.

So let's say kind of same scenario. And I know that this is one of the most challenging things, so I'm so curious. Even when, like, you were getting your book or when there's something that has, when, let's use a conversation, for example, you're going to talk to somebody who, if this conversation goes well, it's going to unlock everything that you've wanted most likely, or it's a really, really desirable outcome for you. And as of right now, there's only one opportunity on the table, and it is this person. How do we still do that work? But, like, detach? Because I will tell you, like, I didn't have as much weight on that conversation where others that I have had meaning. I knew that I was still going to make this happen without this particular person. And maybe that's the answer. But it's kind of like there are those moments that we're all going to get that everyone listening is going to get. If you truly are applying what Lisa is saying, you're going to get these moments where you're going to have these incredible opportunities and you can prepare all you want. But how do we not come from a place of need, like needing this conversation to work so that you do still feel the pressure, you do still feel, still feel the anxiety. How do we take off? Like, that need or that lack or that like, you know, the grasping.

This has to work.

Yeah. I had to literally process this. So as I'm, it was like inception moment. As I'm writing the book, I had to process how I am not tied to the success or failure of my book. Like, so it's like this really weird thing. And so I really took that to heart. I knew that if I don't do the work to your point of what you just did in that meme, I knew if I didn't prepare myself. If the book tanked, I would be crestfallen and I would take it as a reflection of my worth. I know myself, so I don't judge myself for it. I just know myself. So I said, great. Amazing thing that I know about myself is this is true. So now I can prepare so that I don't find myself there. So I repeat certain things. I wrote this in the chapter, is that no is not a reflection of your worth. So if, if someone, or let's say your example of the phone call, if they say no, it doesn't mean that you're worthless. But actually assess what it does mean, because here's the truth. It just may mean you're not ready yet. And so if that means you're not ready yet, how can you learn from that no to then get better? So the thing that I love is that be so good they can't ignore you. It was a Steve Martin quote, the comedian of all people. And I love that quote because when someone says no to me now, I don't take it as a reflection of my worth, but I do take it as a reflection of where I am in my career. And I don't take that to heart. I take it as a learning experience. So, for instance, if I'm reaching out to someone, perfect example, you know, Maria Menounos, I keep throwing her under the bus and telling this story, but she's a good friend of mine, so. But she wasn't a. I didn't know her. I desperately, desperately, desperately, I grew up as I was their stay at home wife. I would look up to her of what was possible, that I, you know, oh my God, one day, maybe I don't have to basically put clothes out for my husband every day. And so I was really admired her. She was doing podcast interviews. So I was like, oh my God, you got to get her a woman of impact. So we reached out and she said no. Now in that moment, this person that I desire, that I admire, I'm like, I want a yes. Now. In those moments, I could have said, well, Lisa, you're terrible. Who do you think you are to go in and ask for that? You know, maybe I told myself a story that she was going to make or break my channel. So, you know, oh my God, it's really heartbroken. But I said, what's the lesson that I can learn in this? Because let me tell you, if I really believe no's not a reflection of my worth, then why didn't she say yes? The truth is It's a reflection of where I am with my career because I don't want to blind myself to the truth. And the truth is, if Oprah had called her and said, maria, come on my show, she would have said yes. So am I up to the state, the equivalent of Oprah? No. So what do I have to do? I have to keep practicing. I have to focus. I have to keep getting better. I have to refine myself skill so that to the point where I am so good, Maria Menounas can no longer ignore me. And that's on me. That's not on her. That's not me looking at her saying, I can't believe she said no. That's me taking it upon myself to have the responsibility of why she said no. See if there's something I can change. Maybe just wasn't right. I'm not saying that there's always something you can do, but maybe, maybe I can keep practicing. One of my favorite 90s movies is Karate Kid. Wax on, wax Off. So I am there for the next year, metaphorically waxing on and off. And then eventually I start getting enough people that she knows that eventually she invited us on her show. So meantime, get on her show. I blow her away. I make friends with her, and I'm like, omi, come on my show. And she said yes. And I told her the story. And it turned out, girl, her mom had had stage four brain cancer. And when we reached out, she also found a brain tumor in her brain. So now imagine she's going through her world. She tells her team to say no to everyone. So, A, I could have taken the no to heart, meaning Lisa, she thought you were terrible. That wouldn't have been true. She was saying no to everyone. But I took it as empowerment. And because I took it as empowerment, I went away. That no made me better. That no got me so good. But eventually it got me me to my goal, which was having her on. And so I want everyone right now to listen to the no's they're getting or to reach out to that one thing and just say, if one no dictates whether you're succeeding or not, you don't have the right mindset yet. You're not thinking about how can you be so freaking good they can't ignore you in the future if you believe in what you do, you're going to get so many no's. And in fact, Jamie Kern Lima, Jamie freaking Kern Lima, who sold her company for $1.2 billion, got so many no's along the way she got no's where people were saying to her, who would buy makeup from you? She got that year after year and she didn't listen and she kept going. And she reached out to some of the big, she thought going back to this very question. She wrote an email and tried to do a meeting and a pitch to sell her company. And she was like, this is the company that's going to buy me. She put all her freaking eggs in that basket. And they said no. But she realized she believed in it and that's all that mattered. And she kept going. And years later, L' Oreal bought her company for $1.2 billion. Made her the only female CEO of L' Oreal's like hundred year history.

There's so much there. I wrote so many things down. And also I'm like, oh my God, no wonder we can talk forever. I just feel so much of what you I think exactly like you are thinking, which is so exciting. I was like, okay, so your thought process around how you're talking about just getting so good that they can't deny you. And I remember a time in my life where I was denied for three years around getting married fitness magazine cover. And what popped in my head in the middle of it was become undeniable. And it was in the beginning I got really, really like, I took it as, you know, I wasn't good enough. All of these different things just in the beginning, like, because I hadn't processed everything like you're saying. So I love that you're sharing this with people because it's that acknowledgement of, oh, this thought process is not going to get me far. Like it's not going to change anything. I can submit another ask. Nothing's going to change. What is the thought process that's going to get me to change? And you said, how can I take this and get better? And what ended up happening is it was in the middle of it just, it downloaded, like become undeniable. And I said, what would that even look like? And it was the thought of they're a business. What do they need? I was like, what do I need to become that is undeniable for them? And it was like, oh, I need to offer them something that will help them make money. So an audience, something of value that helps, helps get their magazine out there. Something that adds to the magazine. And that's when everything pivoted is that I started focusing on how do I become so undeniable that I'm so valuable to them that they can't Turn me away. And I think that that is the miss of where people, we just get like really upset instead of inspired. And you took all of that and I see you do it like, what else can I do? How else can I get smarter? How else can I do something that adds more value? How can I build a platform for other women? How can I? You do so many incredible things like this. So for you right now, is there something that you are working on yourself to become even more? It can't be ignored. Are you doing anything in particular because of maybe a North Star or the next level that we want to speak into existence on this podcast? Even more, what's something that you are desiring right now and how are you working on yourself to become the person who can fulfill it?

Yeah, I think it comes back to the book and I actually didn't finish that thought, but this question, it really ties up, it really is about how do I express myself in different ways? And coming in to this writing process as the learner, as the newbie, not expecting to like, I'm gonna go all out. I'm putting as many hours as I can, my time and attention and it's how. What am I doing each step of the way that I can be proud of myself so I can keep going. What are the things that I can really truly identify with my eyes wide open? Like even that negative voice, that saying, you're not good enough. Like, okay, great, what am I actually not good enough in so I can learn? Because the truth is you're not always going to be good enough yet. And so instead of taking that to heart as something that's going to keep you there, what, how can you take that to propel you forward? So with the book, it's like, no, I don't know how to write a book. I've never written a book before. So for me to come into it saying like, I know everything that I'm doing and you know, I is actually dismissing the authors that have been around for 20 years and written multiple books. Right. It's like, I don't expect to come in and be better than other people, but I want to come in and be the most authentic me and not judge myself of the result. So that's kind of the coming back to, I'm training myself in real time to not attach myself to numbers, even though it's actually my North Star, because I want to impact 14 year old girls on a global scale. So when you talk about on a global scale, and some people say as long as one person reads my book, then I'm happy. I actually, that's not my goal. I chose not to have children so that me and my husband can put every ounce of being into impacting a global scale. So there's that goal that is tied to a number, but man, that's dangerous. So how do I go strong for my goal and dream and yet at the end of the day, make sure that my self esteem is kept intact no matter the goal. And that is a real time, real effort on a daily basis. And it came from starting with making sure that I'm aware that this is a trap. I think being just being aware that a trap is, exists is important. So I'm aware that the trap of wanting to get to a New York Times in order to create a global impact is definitely there, but it's a trap. And then knowing what are the things along the way that I can tell myself I'm proud of. Even when you get other people saying, I hate your book, or you get people not buying the book because all of that is possible, what are the tools I'm going to go to? And so in real time, it's almost a part of the journey that I love because it's kind of like, oh, you're not there yet. Just when you thought you could overcome that negative voice, no, you're not there, you know. And so it becomes a evolution. And I pride myself in the evolution instead of the destination. And I'm doing it in real time right now as I'm kind of writing the book and promoting the book. And it's not confident at all. And I think people think of it as confidence, actually, just acceptance of the journey with all the ups and downs that come with it.

I love that you're sharing it in the moment that you're in it. Because people look at people who are releasing books, they're like, they did it. Especially your book is radical confidence. I talked about going and doing it. Like, isn't that funny? We teach what we need the most. So they're like, yes, you must be so confident.

You're like, no, no, that's why I wrote about it.

Like, this is what I do to like, like, be perceived that way. So who is this for? If someone couldn't even read your book, but you wanted to leave them with a message, what would that be? So who is it for and what is that, like, message that you want to get across to them?

So it's really for people that are not living their lives how they want. And everything that I say it's not about go and create global impact. No, it's not. Everyone wants to create global impact, right? What is that dream? What is that life you want, want no one else? And are you living it? And if not, are you using the excuse that you don't have the confidence? Because what I would love to propose to your audience is to flip that perspective and say, what is that goal? And how do you get to the goal? The confidence isn't the end goal. It's not the end goal. You want confidence to tell your boss you want the pay rise. You want confidence in my situation, to talk to my husband and tell him, I no longer want to put. I don't want four children. In fact, I want him to take care of himself. And I want to go and try this entrepreneurial thing that we all. I was waiting to find the confidence, but it's not the confidence. It's the end goal. So I would love for your audience to go, what does that end goal look like? And now stop waiting to feel good. Just identify what that end goal is and then start putting a game plan in place that allows you to take small, incremental goals. Let's use gym. The gym's like the easy one, right? The fitness thing. It's like some people, if you decide that you're ready to get on your fitness journey, the very next day they're training, they've got a diet work, they got a diet ready, they've got a trainer ready, they've got a whole schedule. And some other people may not even be able to think that far. Some people may be. I've got so much anxiety that even though I want to get healthy, I can't even bring myself to think about going to the gym.

Gym.

Don't judge yourself. The first you know your goal. You don't need the confidence to walk in the gym. The goal is to get healthy. So now maybe we have to re pivot what healthy looks like to you. Maybe it's not the gym. Maybe it's, you know, you put on a funny cat video and you tell yourself you're going to do five jumping jacks. Maybe it's you just watch a funny cat video and you put your sneakers on. Maybe that's all you can do today and that's a small, amazing win. But you have to have the game plan so that you can start taking those steps and stop focusing on confidence and start focusing on radical confidence, which means having the tools to get to the life you want.

Oh, my God, it's such a Reframe Lisa. Like, this is. This book is going to impact so many people. For that reason is because you just, just talked in such a fresh way about confidence. Like, we know, you know.

Well, we don't know.

I just want to say, like, you know, we've had different people and we've really broken down confidence, but this is a very different way of rearranging it because it's like, you know, habit stacking, doing the things anyway. But what you're saying is literally to not even focus on the confidence, it's like, that's actually such a distraction to think. Like, it's like so many people I talk to are waiting. They're waiting to feel confident. And I'm like, I've been waiting my whole life, you guys. So I don't. If I waited, I would do nothing. And I love that you're bringing it to light. And I know that there is the line underneath. Radical confidence is 10 no BS lessons on becoming the hero of your own life. So I know you're going to go down and break down every single thing and a game plan for everything. If I know you, you've literally thought about everything. So I'm so grateful for this. I cannot wait for people to read it. Where can we find it? Where can we get it?

Lori, thank you, girl. This has been. I mean, and then going just to add, when I wrote this book, the thing I said is, you gotta have fun. Like, no matter what I do. I mean, I've had so many health issues. You know, I've been struggling. And so the last few years, I've really been getting back on track. And it's like, what is the meaning of life? To enjoy it. And so as I started writing this book and starting to feel overwhelmed about the promotion, because everyone says there's only 10% is writing it, and then 90% is promoting it, I said, okay, well, I just want to have fun. So what does fun look like? I'm going to hit up my friends. I'm going to hit up my friends that I actually want to sit and talk to about confidence and about life and the struggles. And so thank you so much. Iron me on. I hit you up and you didn't hesitate. Thank you. Thank you. Like, going back to the radical confidence, this has been a beautiful full circle for me and thinking how scared I was to be in front of you all those years ago and now how much fun I've had. So I just want to say thank you. And if people want to know how to do things, so that you go from being scared to step in front of the camera like now and just having so much fun. And you can get the book@radicalconfidence.com and, or you can get it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, any of those things. But if you go right now to radicalconfidence.com I've got a nine part coaching series I'm giving away for free if you pre order the book. So that's nine part coaching series where I talk about relationships, being the hero of your own life and confidence.

Amazing. Thank you so much. You guys go grab this book. I'm serious. Like, it's going to. No matter what your goal is, no matter what you want to do, no matter whether you're even trying to take your relationships in life to the next level, it's going to require planning around your conversations, around how you feel and around the conversation you have after every experience that you have that literally covers everything in life. So go, go, go, go to the show Notes. Go check it out and if you get it, tag Lisa and I and let us know, let us know what your biggest takeaway was. We want to reshout you out. We want to reshare. We're so grateful for you. And you know that the biggest thing that you can do for our guests. So the biggest thing that you can do for Lisa is to tag her, let her know what your biggest takeaway was and to support her. A book is such a serious thing and there's so much wisdom in there. You get to essentially collapse. Time because of Lisa's wisdom is all in one spot right now. And it's like the best way to learn. So we're so grateful for you. Grateful for you, Lisa. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Sam.