899. The Difference Between “Wanting” And “Deciding”

How many times have we maybe burnt everything down or started over or added a new project or got rid of something that maybe it wasn't done yet, or maybe we weren't sick of it, or maybe our life didn't suck, or maybe the area we were in doesn't suck. Maybe we just need fresh eyes and a new perspective because we need a vacation or a break. And we're back with another episode of He Said, she Said. And we are sitting on the Amalfi coast, which is made up of so many different little areas, but the ones that we are in are Amalfi, Positano, Capri, and did we go anywhere else?

So far, those are the three towns we picked up.

Oh, my gosh. It is more beautiful than any picture I have ever seen in my life. I didn't know something this beautiful was in existence. I truly did not. And I am so grateful that we committed and made the decision to come here because it has been on a bucket list forever, and I didn't actually know if we would make it here or not.

Yeah, it's really interesting because you and I have wanted to come to this area for a long time, right? We've had the Grey Mall in books and paintings. We've seen it on travel shows. But you actually don't understand what it's like to be somewhere like this until you physically can come and put yourself in the beauty. There's nothing else that can possibly describe or create imagery around what it's really like in real life. And, you know, we've been having a lot of conversations like, God, why don't we do this more? God, what have we been waiting for? And that's a lifelong question, but it kind of is boiled down to this for us. And this is what we wanted to talk about today. I think people confuse wanting to do something with deciding or committing to do something. So to clean it up, let's just say people confuse wanting to do something with deciding to do something. And wanting and deciding are two very different things. That if I had to use this vacation as a. As a metaphor, we've wanted to come here for a long time. We've never decided that we're going to make it a priority. This is the year, this is the way, this is the time. Right? It's always just been, oh, we'll get there. Oh, that would be nice. Oh, one day I'm sure it'll happen. And I feel like that's a metaphor for everyone's business. I feel like that's a metaphor for everyone's life. I feel like it's a metaphor for everyone's fitness goals or everyone's relationships or whatever it is that that's important to you, that you want to have. How many things do you want to have but you haven't decided to have?

There's so many things that I look back on that I viewed as maybe an interruption or a challenging distraction or. As great as this vacation sounded, it was like, well, should I take a vacation right now? Is that smart? You know, maybe when things slow down and things will never slow down unless you plan for them to slow down. And the vacation is the interrupt and the slowdown that is required for you to be able to run in business. And, you know, we got to listen to some incredible speakers and authors while we were here in Florence on this magical rooftop overlooking all of Florence and hearing church bells in the background and all of these incredible. Just sunsets and birds flying. It was majestic. And one of the authors that we got to talk to was talking about how he was so burnt out and uninspired and he thought that he needed to quit everything or reinvent himself, continue to do new things or write another book or do more businesses because he was feeling really uninspired. And come to find out he was just burnt out and needed a break. And instead of quitting everything and reinventing himself, he, at the time in his life was able to take three months where he just took time off.

Well, he took a year sabbatical, but then realized 90 days in, he's like, wait, I'm done. Like, I'm refreshed. I'm ready to go.

He's like, I don't need a year. I just needed three months of not doing what I was doing. And he was completely refreshed, ready to go where? How many times have we maybe burnt everything down or started over or added a new project or got rid of something that maybe it wasn't done yet, or maybe we weren't sick of it, or maybe our life didn't suck, or maybe the area we were in doesn't suck. Maybe we just need fresh eyes and a new perspective because we need a vacation or a break.

Well, it's interesting using this vacation as a metaphor for wanting something versus deciding to do something. It took a lot of layers to decide versus want. We wanted to come here, but the layers of decision took this. It took us choosing a date, which doesn't sound big, but when you feel busy, it feels irresponsible to be like, oh, I'm going to take this many days and go to the Amalfi Coast. So it takes deciding on a date, then it takes a follow through action. And the follow through action is in this case, buying the vacation. But for you, whatever you want to do, it might take setting a date and enrolling in the mentor, or it might take setting the date and signing up at the gym, or it might take, you know, setting the date and, you know, whatever your version of that follow through action is that you have some skin in the game. But then it took more layers. Then it took Rob and Kim, who curated this vacation. It took them reinforcing that we wanted to go from the several months ago that we paid for this vacation over the course of several months, sending us books on the Amalfi coast and hype and excitement. Because there were a couple of times where you and I were like, I know we paid for it, but it doesn't feel right. We're too busy. We don't have time for that. We just moved to California. We have all these things, right? And the point is you need positive reinforcements to reinforce the decision that you made even when you have skin in the game, right? So it's not enough to set the date, it's not enough to have skin in the game. You also need positive reinforcements built in along the journey. And then you need a fourth thing. And the fourth thing is you need the integrity to show up and follow through with your decision even after all of those things helping you get to the finish line.

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End of our lives we really just want to have a meaningful life. And if you look at what you are doing in your every day today, it's really like are you creating those moments that mean something to you? Are you making memories? Are you making meaning? Are you creating the relationships that you want? And I'll tell you that life goes by really fast and I think it's important to put markers in your year to put vacations in your year, to put big experiences in your year, whatever that looks like. Even if you can't travel right now or you don't have the money to travel yet, there's so many things that you can do local to create memorable experiences for yourself, to create these mini moments that are outside of your normal realm, to change your perception. Maybe it's a. Oh, my God. This is. This is what I want to share. So Rob and Kim, while they're in living in Italy, every single Friday, they have a date where for three hours, they hire a tour guide. A tour guide to go around Italy and learn. And I thought, we have so many opportunities like that, even in the places that we live, to hire someone who can come and teach us a language for an hour or two, to hire someone to teach us a music lesson, to hire someone to come and take us to our local museums, to just go to the local museums or different things that our area has to offer. Go learn about classic cars, even if that's not your thing. The idea is to go and get outside of your element and make those things, see how they can apply to your life even if you're not into them. And mix up all of the energy. Because there's something about getting outside of your normal life that switches the way your brain is thinking, gives it a break, gets out of the anxiety, gets out of the stress, and allows you to focus on something new. And we keep on choosing the same feeling, we keep choosing the same places, we keep choosing the same way of thinking, which is going to burn you out. We're not meant to be in the same thing over and over.

When you hear Lori give those examples, it's natural to feel. Of course I want to do that. Of course I would love the weekly dates. Of course I'd love the learning. Of course I'd love the experience. Of course, whatever your version of that is, that sounds appealing, right? But notice you want to do those things, you haven't decided to do those things. And we keep getting great reminders because of the people that we hang out with of what it looks like to decide to do those things. And again, it took setting dates, then it took paying or having skin in the game, right? In Rob and Kim's case, they set the date. It's every Friday at the same time. They build their schedule around it. They pay the tour guide in advance to show up and do the three hours, but then it still takes the integrity of them showing up at 2 o' clock on Friday for those three hours and not canceling it. And this is what it takes. This is the difference between wanting a good life and deciding to have a good life.

So when we go home today, we have a day. We're gonna go sit down by the water, Kris. We're gonna decide what we wanna do each week.

I like it.

Yeah. Putting you right on the spot. We are literally gonna write down and decide one thing that we're going to do every single week that is different, that we've been wanting to do, that we've been talking about. So we'll share that.

We'll turn it into a decision podcast.

Yeah.

From a want to a decision, you guys. That's the key to life. All right, thanks for listening. We're so grateful that you guys tune in every week to hear our random thoughts and lessons and just trying to take little bits and pieces out of our life and. And see where they apply into your life. That's kind of the joy of life. Eat the fruit and spit out the.

Seeds until next time. We will see you next week.