90: How Your WORKOUT CHANGES FAR MORE Than JUST Your BODY with Holly Perkins

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Welcome to the Earn your happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week, I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast, and today I'm so excited to have Holly Perkins on the show. She was named top trainers to follow by shape magazine in 2015. She's a certified strength and conditioning specialist with a degree in exercise physiology and nutrition. She is the author of Lift to get Lean and the leader of women's Strength Nation. She's a contributing writer and expert for Women's health, Self Fitness, Shape Prevention, Men's Health, and livestrong. You have definitely seen her face around if you are even remotely into the fitness world. So without further ado, let's get started. Holly, I'm so excited to have you on the show today. Thank you so much for coming on.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having me.

So, Holly, I have had the absolute pleasure of getting to meet you prior to this. I know all about you. We have some incredible mutual friends who are like. Like I call them like my networking queens and angels, because all of these amazing people just keep connecting us to awesome people. And that's how I got connected to you. And I got to have lunch with you, and you are. You're just so. You have so much amazing knowledge, and I really want people. We're really gonna dig into that today. So I would love if you would share a bit about your story and how you got started doing what you're doing now.

Mm. Oh, gosh. How to keep that short, Right?

We got time. We got.

Oh, my goodness. Well, I guess, you know, I've been in the fitness industry now for over 20 years, which I just absolutely cannot believe because I'm in denial that I'm even old enough to be in the industry that long. But I think I would say I landed where I am right now when I was young and particularly in high school. My mom was always really pressing me for what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I'm from a small town in Pennsylvania where people didn't really have large career aspirations. And I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had no concept of what I could even do. But I knew that what I absolutely loved was exercise. And so I had this notion that I was going to grow up to work in the business of exercise. And at that time, there wasn't really a real profession or an industry around it. It really was just kind of like a fringe hobby that people had back then. But thankful the stars aligned and I followed my bliss and I was able to get a degree in exercise physiology and nutrition. And I started my career in exercise. And through all the years, I've done pretty much every aspect of the industry. I started as a personal trainer at a really high end, medically focused, celebrity type gym in New York, which was amazing. And from there I've just really grown and kind of grown into this career and this industry of exercise. Crazy to think that now I'm an author and I get to contribute to the magazines and create blogs and do videos and all this amazing stuff. I think where I've landed today, the biggest thing is a few years ago, I went through a very difficult personal time, a difficult time in my personal life. And it really just knocked me down. And through that phase, the only thing that got me through was my practice and my commitment to strength training. And so my message these days really is helping women to cultivate their personal strength through the practice of strength training. So I like to think of myself as a woman's strength expert.

I love all of that. So I have your book in my hand, Lift to Get Lean. And the reason that I want to bring this in right away is just because the, the first couple pages that I open to you immediately talk about. You know, if I had my way with the title, it would say lift to get lean to get strong, healthy, confident, happy, energetic, fearless, and capable of achieving everything you put your mind to.

Yeah.

And I was so excited for this conversation because I know we share so much of the idea, having strength training, health, wellness to be your foundation for so much of what we actually desire in life. So I know a lot of people probably come to you because they want the body, but what do you hope, you know, what's the bait and switch for you? I love saying that just because it's like they think they want it, but then you realize there's so many other things tied to it.

Oh, gosh, I love the way that you phrase that, the bait and switch. And it's so true. And, you know, I'll add to that. I think that, yes, people come to us and they say, I want the body, or I want to be in the skinny jeans or I want the bikini, whatever it may be. But the truth is, I have this philosophy that if that were truly your focused, primary goal, you would have achieved it already. And so what I say to people is, okay, that can happen. That's the icing on the cake to me. But let's look a little deeper because there's clearly more going on. If it was as simple as getting into your skinny jeans, you would have done it. We all have the knowledge and the information out there to do it. Actually, not that hard. It's all of the other aspects about your motivation, your happiness, what you're truly motivated by so that it gets you to your workout on a Tuesday night in November when it's rainy and it's dark and it's freezing and you'd rather sit on the couch. So I think what I really drive home for people is like, yeah, you'll get in shape. That part is kind of easy if we can sort through the other stuff.

So what is it like? How do we bust through that when. Because I'm from the Midwest, girl, you were just speaking my language. I have had many a November, December, January night where I'm like, I do not want to move. But underneath it, it's like that not wanting to move is the same thing that kept me really depressed and feeling terrible and terrible health. So how do we start? How do we start?

Yeah, and that's. I think it's a hard one. I think it's personal for everyone. I was just on the phone earlier today with a virtual coaching client of mine, and she is struggling. Exactly that. And it's like, okay, so what is it that's going to get you to move or to drink more water or to eat more protein, whatever it may be? And I think ultimately a. I try to say, okay, what are you truly underneath it all, wanting? And nearly everyone wants better health, and they want to feel better. And if I can really help them tap into that strong desire, that's usually enough to get people off the couch. And if it doesn't, I say, okay, tomorrow. Tomorrow you're gonna wake up feeling just like you do today. If you don't do something today. So do something, even if it's a little baby step to move you in the right direction today so that tomorrow is better. Otherwise, you don't really have much of an option. You just have to accept where you are, and nobody wants that.

You know what I was thinking about on my run today, Holly? I was literally thinking about how a lot of times in the beginning for people and myself. So first I was thinking about myself, where I was, that we just don't have the attention span, what we think is like a normal workout. So like a 60 minute workout, I mean, in our devices and everything, is kind of training us to be like and thinking in the future. So when we're actually in the gym, we're just like so anxious about what we need to be doing, we can't even be there. So it feels so. You know what I mean? It feels so long and obnoxious. So even if it's just 20, what. What is the shortest workout that we can kind of start training ourselves with to get away with? Just teaching us to be there. Mm.

I really believe anything is better than nothing. I truly do. And part of that is a little sneaky because that's a way that I know will trick people into taking action. And it's true. If your option is to sit on the couch and do nothing, anything is better than that. Even if it's five minutes around your block or back and forth from the front of your house to the back of your house. But the truth is, and we do know this from research, that if you actually do get on your feet, you do make that motion to become active, right. The chances are you've overcome that inertia and you've created momentum, and the chances are the five minutes are going to turn into 20 minutes. So I don't like to say what's the minimum? Because then people feel like they're setting themselves up just like you said. Well, it's like if I don't get 20 minutes in, it's a failure. I'm not going to do it. And I feel like anything is a success. And identify what your goals are, because that's what's going to dictate really what your minimum is. I mean, if you just want to feel better each day, 20 minutes of walking is going to help you be successful. If you're trying to do a bikini competition, you and I both know 20 minutes isn't going to cut it. So I think that for most average folks, it really is. Okay, what's your goal? And then reverse engineer it. What is the minimum there? Because I agree with you, it doesn't have to be 60 minutes or it's a failure. I've had lots of 30, 35 minute workouts that were amazing. And the best thing that I could have done.

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Totally. There's been so many times we're just getting up and picking up. My house has completely changed my mind and made me feel better.

Oh my gosh.

Movement. And I love that. I think it's really starting to come through in a lot of different places. Why? I'm a big podcast junkie, so I listen to so many podcasts and just how important just a body in motion, just doing anything is and what that does for us. So what are, you know, in your book? I was just flipping through and I. And it's so mental just getting our bodies to move and even connecting into a tribe of like minded people. It's such an important piece of it. But what are most of the things that you hear cause you work with so many different women. What are a lot of the things that you hear that they tell themselves as to why they can't.

Oh, gosh, you know, and this is amazing and this is personal for me as well. So when I was approaching my 40th birthday, it was a time in my life that was not particularly happy. And I had now been in the fitness industry for, you know, almost 20 years, let's say. And I remember saying to myself, you know, I've never really achieved the level of fitness that I want. And I realized in that moment that the reason I hadn't is because there was a part of me that believed I couldn't. And I'm finding that with a lot of the women that I work with, I have women come to me who are at a, a perfectly decent starting place in their physical body and they tell me what their goals are and they're like, is that possible? As if it's not. And I'm like, anything is possible. Let me show you 15 examples. So I think the most common thing is there's this weird default. Maybe it's a human thing, maybe it's a woman thing. But there is this thinking that it's not possible to XYZ whatever it might be, get back into my skinny jeans, get leaner, get Tighter, get stronger, Run a half marathon, whatever your goal goal is. There is this weird default where we're like, I don't think it's actually possible for me to do that. Right. And it's not. You know, it literally is. Every single time a woman tells me that, I can hear in her voice how authentically she believes that she's the exception that won't succeed. And. And of course I love it because I'm always like, okay, you can believe that, but let me show you that you're wrong. And the truth is, it's very rare that there is a woman who can't achieve her goal. So I think that's the biggest thing. What do you think?

You know, this is like all these things were coming up in my head and the times in the past that I've said this to myself, and it's because if I were to say. Because I used to say this about running a marathon, which I still have not done, nor do I know if I will do, but I'm going to use it as an example. I used to say, I'm not a runner. It's not possible for me to even be like, my body would break down. I wouldn't be able to do it. It. And if I said it was possible, it would mean that there would be a crapload of work coming my way that I was not mentally prepared to do. So by saying it's impossible, it almost safeguards me and closes the options of saying, but what would it take if it was possible? Yeah.

Yes. Isn't that interesting? And I wonder if that is kind of at the root for each of us. We know, okay, so maybe I could achieve it, but I don't really want to have to work that hard. Right. And, you know, as you know, I know, you know this, it's through that doing and that achievement, where is all the joy and all the pleasure and all the power? Because it's by actually having achieved and done that marathon when you didn't think you could and you knew that it was going to take so much work. When you cross that finish line and you start bawling, it's because you did do it. And that's where there's just so much achievement and particularly for women in their. In the physical body, because that's more uncharted territory for us.

Oh, man. That is the truth. And it's, you know, it's. It's flipping that phrase of the pursuit of happiness to happiness is the pursuit. That's just kind of been my, like.

Oh, I love that it is because.

You'Re a really accomplished woman. Like, you have done so many amazing things, and it's. I mean, tell me the difference between the journey and the destination point for yourself.

Oh, gosh. Oh, God. You know, that's an interesting. I don't think anybody's ever asked me that question. Phrased that way. The destination is so amazing because the journey was challenging, and yet each time I embark on the journey, it's hard to get that momentum going every single time. You know, I have a couple things on my. On my to do list in the near future that I haven't gotten going just yet. And why? Because I know it's take a lot of work, but that's the very thing that does make it so rewarding and so good. And I do think that that is the hardest part. I think, you know, humans, I believe I have a whole philosophical conversation around this. But, you know, we are actually really designed within our DNA to sit around and be lazy and be fat and happy. That's what's going to keep the species here another 3 million years or 2 million years. Right? And so it really is hard to overcome inertia and get going. But it is, you know, the pursuit of happiness, just like you said. It really is. It's the pursuit that brings the happiness.

You know, that's so great that you just share, no matter what you've done, no matter what you've accomplished, because you can look at your list of dreams that you've done and things you've achieved, and it's like you still have trouble starting. What does that starting process look like for you when it's something that's new?

Oh, gosh, I'm just like everybody else. I procrastinate for a period of time until I get so sick of myself that I say, okay, it's time. And that really. And thankfully, my procrastination phases are shorter now. But it's like, I get to the point where I'm like, oh, my God, I am so sick of the hamster wheel in my head over and over. Tomorrow, tomorrow. Oh, I'll do it the next day. And so I think I just get to the point where I'm so sick of myself that I can't stand myself anymore. And I have to actually take the action because I. I just, you know, it's that part of my head where I'm like, okay, I hear you. I will take the action. And for me, it's overcoming the inertia. As soon as I take one little Baby step and I start taking action. For me, it all falls into place. And so the hardest part is just actually taking that first step.

I love that action. So is like the cure for anxiety for me?

Yes, yes.

But then there's the other side of the coin. So I love to ask women who are just doers, at what point is it like, okay, I know exactly how to cure this. I know exactly how to make myself feel better. Start something new, start something new, accomplish more, do something else. When do you know to take a break? How important is it? How often? What do you do? That was a lot of questions at once.

So good though. And I'll tell you, I love that. And it has been a huge part of my life for the past three to four months. So last year I just had so much stuff going on and it was push, push, push, push, push. I can do more, I can do it, I can do more. Until I got to the point where I was just completely beat up and exhausted. And that is my nature to push, push, push, push, do, do, do, just like you said. And so for the past three to four months, I've really been practicing and having to take a look at the question that you just asked, which is like, where is that cutoff? And where is that line when you can prevent complete exhaustion? Where I have to sit on the couch and stare out the window for an entire week, literally. Vacation doesn't work. It's the couch staring out the window, completely catatonic. And I think for me, what I've come to notice lately, it's been so hard because I'm such a doer. But as soon as the work starts to feel stressful and it doesn't make me happy, I know I need to pull back a little bit. So even if it's an email, even if it's a returning a phone call or ask, you know, answering a question that an email somebody has asked me via email, it's like, if I start to feel that sort of like, ugh, it's work, I gotta do this. And it doesn't feel awesome and exciting and love filled. I know that's time that I need to like go take some sort of like a restorative phase. Maybe that's an hour, maybe it's a day, maybe it's two days. I don't know, it just depends. But I think it's when it makes that shift to start feeling like, stress, yes, so important.

It's just all I can think about is that now I tell myself that the rest is a Part of the doing, like it just is, it's like, okay, you're a doer, but you're, you have to be a doer in resting too in order to get the most out of that push portion. Because we're like, push, push. We can keep pushing. Especially if you like the gym and you're like into strength training. It's just that idea of, of more weight, more reps, more whatever, whatever that idea is that can cross over into our life. And that brings me into like crossing over the ideas that we apply in the gym. In your book, in strength training. Why is that so foundational for life, do you think? Just using the idea of what we do in the gym, in life.

I love it because the metaphors are so rich. And like I said, I went through this phase where my personal life was really difficult. Definitely by far the hardest phase in my life ever. My beloved 16 year old dog was dying and my marriage was ending and it was around my 40th birthday and it was just like all kinds of disaster. And during those very emotionally dark days when I was in the gym, it was like comical. The metaphors, and I think what it is, the human body, right, in the gym, and this is a metaphor, requires being subjected to increasingly challenging strength loads in order to get stronger. The only way the human body gets stronger is by quote unquote, forcing it to do stronger. Right. A lot of people think they'll wake up on a morning and all of a sudden they're stronger and they can lift heavier or they can run faster or whatever. You can apply this to any physical endeavor. But people think that they'll just wake up and it will be there. But the trut is you actually have to expose your body to the challenge in order for it to overcome and get stronger. And that right there became my alignment for life. It's like you do have to go through the challenging times, the tough times, and that is actually what makes you stronger. And so I would see it anytime I was attempting to lift a little bit heavier or I was trying to challenge myself in the gym when I knew I could, but I didn't feel like was it it, right? It's like, well, I don't feel like working harder, but I know I can, I have to quote, unquote, force my body to do it in order to be able to do it. And yeah, and I just think that, you know, the physical strength that you get in the gym does translate in an emotional way to the rest of your life. You're stronger in life. Especially as a woman, when you feel physically strong.

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So just so much of what you said, like, just, you're just showing up like you're just going to the gym. You're just showing up. It's just gonna, it's just showing up through all of it too. That's so, so, so amazing. I've had moments like that too where I'm at the gym and going through something hard and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, it does. It almost makes you laugh because it's just hilarious how, how similar it is in life and how you feel. You're like, here I am again. Okay, here we go again. So those are some massive, massive challenges that you went through. And a lot of times it's like people are not expecting them or it's some of the worst periods of their life. But, but I'm sure at this point, or maybe not, I'm not sure if you're there yet, but are you able to pull and see the beauty of what's happened or maybe at the time that you said was a disaster or a failure or whatever that is, Are you able to apply it now or see in your life where there was good out of it?

Absolutely. 150,000%. 100%. And I think I remember in my early 30s, I had a breakup that was really, really, really rough and it just floored me. And it was the first time that I really had difficult emotional circumstances and I didn't understand why. Right. You're like, why would this happen? Why does this happen to me? And shortly thereafter, I learned exactly why it happened to me. Certain things came out of it that it inspired me to grow and to blossom and to become a much better person. And ever since then, I now really, I feel like I've been trained by life that when an obstacle comes, I am able to look at it and say, okay, this sucks. But I know it's here for a reason and I know that it's going to be good for me. I don't know why, but it's like, it's that phrase, you know, what am I learning from this? Rather than why is this happening to me? And, and every, you know, and I know my now ex husband, you know, we are maybe even closer now than we ever were when we were married. And I love him dearly still. We both can look at it and say, wow. We both can see exactly why it needed to happen and why those years were so rough because it Just gifted me so many amazing things of revelation and personal strength and, you know, love and caring and, you know, the support of my community. I learned through it. So it's like, yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I see the beauty in it, for sure. Thank God.

Yeah. And, and obviously that, that takes time and I'm sure there were a lot of really dark moments.

Yes.

And what do you.

So what did you do?

What got you through those dark moments? Because some, you know, when we're in it, it's like, if I would ask this question, when you're in it, you're like, just shut up. I don't want to talk about it. This is horrible. This is a devastating, like you can't see it. So is it faith? What is it?

Well, you know, it's funny because it has changed in the past three years, but when the dark, dark moments first started for me was about three years ago. And I. What started was for the first time in my entire life, I woke up in the middle of the night having full on anxiety attacks. And I had never had them before, it was not, I wasn't prone to that. But full on panic attacks.

And like, what were they feeling like for you?

Oh boy. Complete and utter. What's the word I'm looking for? Confusion and just shoot. What's the word I'm looking for? But like, I felt like I didn't know where I was. Just complete. Where am I? What is this about? Am I really here? I don't understand. Is this real? Just complete detachment from my life and confusion and panic of everything and nothing at the same time and just sort of like, like it's just confusing and alienating I think is a good word. And of course, you know, the racing heart and all of the physical symptoms that come with it, but just disorientation in the biggest way. And I remember the first one and it was so terrifying. I literally, I'm not joking, I got up, I drank a beer and I took two Advil Pm thinking that I could like medicate it away. And it didn't work. And so then the next one came and I, I don't know what I did. I think maybe I tried to medicate in a similar way that way. And then by the third one I was like, okay, why is this here and what's in my head? And I just started writing and I said, you know what, let me just listen to what does come through because I wonder if that's my roadmap. And sure enough, that's what it was. Was. So I started to look at my anxiety attacks when they would come as alerts that I was off somewhere or I was misguided or I was unhappy about something. And I would just write and write and write everything. All my fears, everything that was coming to mind. And sure enough, I was able to get in touch with the things in my life that I was not happy about that I wanted to change. And as soon as I took action and started to change them, it remedied. So, you know, when you said that action is a very important tool for you in the management of stress and anxiety? That's exactly what I found. It was like I had to identify what is it that's bothering me and then take action on it, you know? And, I mean, I really feel like, aha, I see. That's what this is about. And I just, you know, I share that with my clients that deal with anxiety because it is so common for people these days that rather than medicating it or running. Right, right. See if you can lean into it and really listen to it.

Wow, that. That is so powerful for so many reasons. And even now, myself doing so much self work, I just. That was so simple to me to just ask. Because I still get sometimes anxiety around public speaking. I'm like, oh, I'll just. You know, this will just be something that I need to learn to calm down even more. Because it used to be just crazy, right? But now it's like, why don't I actually ask you it what it is? And that fear dissipates instead of like, nope, this is just me being nervous. Well, maybe there's something else. Like, maybe if you just talk to it. So that's really powerful. So if you guys are dealing with anything, just asking it what it is, and a lot of times when we see it for what it is, it's kind of. It's so much easier to just say, oh, I know what this is. This is familiar territory.

Yeah.

I'm just gonna write through it and maybe call, you know, be able to calm down a lot easier. Because it's just. It's something sometimes that's so much more basic than we think. Because when we focus on it, we all know what happens. When we focus on being anxious, we get more anxious.

So, yeah, it almost just like, yeah, being like, what is this about? What am I afraid of? What's causing it? What am I thinking? It, like, instantly neutralizes it. When your belly in your gut knows when you land upon the thing, whatever the thing is. Right. And I, you know, I confront it's funny. I've never had a problem public speaking, but I did when I sat down to write my first book. I had a very private experience of what you just described. And it was like when I was writing my book, I was terrified because I knew I was going to be putting my opinions and my assertions out into the world to be subject to people's criticism. And it was terrifying. And I had to work through similar. All those feelings that a lot of people feel around public speaking and it was just like, what is this about out? You know, it was so stressful for a period of time.

Good thing you were writing because then you got therapy through writing and I.

Was by myself so I could be a train wreck and no one would know.

I just love that you're sharing all of it because it's everybody, everybody has their own things that come up. And then we all kind of, you know, some of us figure out coping mechanisms, some of us don't. Some of us are still, still on the beer in Advil.

Which is not that bad, by the way.

Not that bad. But hopefully we can get through to some writing, which is awesome. So I want to talk about kind of honoring where people are at with their feelings within working out because I think this is vital. And again, it's when we talk about working out, I just think this can all be applied as a metaphor to your life as well. So, you know, there are plenty of days that I go into the gym and I'm like, I just, I can't go. I used to do these like crazy high intensity workouts all the time. They were short and quick, but they were like so intense. And right now I'm just, I'm not there. Like I, I don't feel like doing that right now. I'm trying to really honor.

But.

Oh, but this is where I'm going. Like, I didn't feel like I was getting that great of a workout if I was doing anything else.

Yeah.

So I know that a lot of people get in a rut or they're struggling or they don't honor those feelings of what do I feel like doing today? What's your opinion around that?

That, you know, you have to love it. You have to find something in it that you love, you enjoy, you feel is valuable. Right. Because otherwise you're just not going to stick with it. So whether it's a, a long term position on exercise. I had a client in New York who, she just, you know, I'd show up to her house when I was personal training and she would just scowl at me because she hated her workouts. And still take. Ten years later, she still scowls at me and we laugh because she hates working out. And that's just kind of like her position on exercise versus Right. Those days when you go to the gym and you're so not into it, or those weeks when you get into the gym and you're like, you know, I really know that I need to be doing this spin class, but I hate it. I just read something somewhere that said, even if you're taking action towards something which is a positive thing, right. If you're doing it from a place of force, right. Or I have to, it immediately changes your biochemistry rather than if you're going at it from, you know what, this is uncomfortable, but I'll be happy that I did it, or I'm not in the mood, but I'm glad I'm doing it. That alone changes your brain biochemistry and therefore changes your body biochemistry. So I always say to people, listen in. And if one workout stinks, that's okay, you can chalk that up. But if it gets to the point where you're really not enjoying your workouts or it's just not bringing you happiness, you do have to shift gears and find something else. Whether it's a completely different kind of exercise, like shifting from super high intensity hiit to yoga. Right. Or even a spin class to Tai chi, whatever it may be, I think that you gotta change it. Because the truth is, it really does have to be something that you feel good about in order for it to become a habit.

So do you have any mantras that you use in the gym to remind yourself on those days where you're just not feeling it, what it's doing for you?

Yeah, the biggest thing for me is I say, this isn't comfortable now, but I'm going to be so glad tomorrow that I did it. And this very moment is what makes the difference. So it's the very moment, moment that you are actually taking action against what you want to do is what makes you a champion of sorts, the fact that you did choose to do it. And so that's a way for me to feel like I've been successful. So it's like, okay, I got to the gym. That in and of itself is a success. So let me just make the best of it so that tomorrow I'm happier. A lot of it comes back to happy for me. I mean, I really, I've battled depression in my life and as you now know, know anxiety too. In my later life here. But like everything for me has to come back to what's going to make me happy tomorrow. Because it's like a never ending battle that is.

Well, you can kind of guess from my podcast what I battled with. Yeah, we, we teach what we need the most for sure. And for me it was just that, that was the same thing for me with working out. It's like, you know, it. Maybe at first the carrot was the body because I had been an overweight kid and you know, that's all I saw and that's all I heard that that would be my fate was to be overweight. Cause nobody had ever been fit. So it was like I just had to say, okay, maybe the carrot is the body at first. But it's funny because I got there in my mid-20s and it was like I was even more empty than I had started because I had this body, but I couldn't necessarily take it out anywhere. And it didn't make anything else better. Yeah, you get this what you think is ideal and perfect body. And you're like, okay, well now I can't really eat anything or go do anything outside of it, of this. And I'm super depressed because this wasn't actually the thing that makes human beings happy.

Exactly.

Nobody cares if you're rocking a six pack or not is what I found.

It's so true. It really is true. I mean, nobody really cares except you, you know, and in the past, like year or two, I've really. I am not in the physical shape that I would like to be, nor where I have been in the past past. And every single time, you know, I look at a little bit extra fat that I have or when my jeans are tighter, I look at myself and I say, radical self acceptance. You gotta love that too. Like, you have to embrace that because it's like nobody cares that my jeans are tight except me. So gosh, nobody cares. And I'm a fitness person and I still know that nobody gives a. If I'm a little bit fatty or normal, nobody cares, you know, So I.

Always think of that at this time of year because I, you know what I really want to, to enjoy the different things that I get to do. Whether it's my husband loves to go and look at lights and drink hot cocos and have a glass of wine. And you know, when I say a glass, it's maybe, maybe a few glasses during the week and just going and doing different fun things and sharing food and just all of these things that we don't normally do this time of year that I know won't continue all the time every week. And these things are important because it's connecting and it's also how we bond. And it's like, I have to no matter what, because of course I put on a few pounds and I don't weigh myself, but it's like, yeah, I just know within my clothing and I always have to just say, like, no matter where I'm at, I just have to learn to, like, love this vehicle. Like, what a blessing we have. It's. It's how we experience love and touch and hugs and like, enjoy the flavor of the food. Like, you're getting a trade off. Yeah. You might not be exactly where you want to be be, but you also get to enjoy all of these amazing experiences and flavors that you don't always get to do. So it's not just like, oh, this is what's happening. It's like, no, you. You had an amazing trade off.

Yes, exactly.

Like, let's look at that.

Yep.

Yeah.

It's almost like you want to look at each pound and say, that was a good pound. You know, that was some awesome wine. That was some good donut. And I'm happy it's there. It's got it. You know, I want it to change at some point, but rather than reprimanding it or being frustrated or whatever, you know, I agree with you. It's like there really is a lot of joy and pleasure that comes in having a glass of wine or some sweets or whatever it may be. And it's just awful having to be lean all the time. It's no fun whatsoever.

So that brings me to the, like, peaks and valleys and the seasons of. Of our body. And there's definitely, you know, I was just listening to Kate Northrup at an event called Was Amazing Women Entrepreneurs, and she really just talks about honoring the cycles of your body and the seasons of your life and just knowing that it's not going to be all push, it's not going to be all, you know, you're going to be the fittest all of the time. You are. It's not possible. So what are some things that you focus on? Like, maybe you don't feel the most fit right now, even though to everyone else, you know, they look in, they're like, oh, my God, I would do anything for what you have. It means you're in a different season. So the rest period, like, how do you honor the rest periods? And how do you really look at those and remind yourself that those are just important. Just as important.

Yeah. And, you know, part of it is remembering what I preach to my clients. And that's exactly what I say. Everything you just said, it's like it is impossible to not cycle. The moon, the oceans, the seasons, women's hormones, everything cycles. Clearly, it's a part of this masterful universe, and it's going to happen. So I always encourage my clients, there's going to be times when you, quote, unquote, fall off the wagon or have a down cycle. Right. And rather than punishing yourself for it, the goal should be to accept it it and then find your way out of it, if that's what you want. And I know for me personally, what it is. The more I embrace the down cycle, the more it resolves itself sooner. And I've really been practicing, let it happen. And then all of a sudden, I will wake up one day and I'm out of it. And it's weird. It's literally just like, if I embrace it and today it's like, I would be really unhappy if I had to go to the gym, so I'm gonna take a nap instead. The more I embrace that, that the sooner the upswing starts again. And so I know I'm really trying to practice just feeling into those cycles because I know they're there and keeping an eye towards progress. Right. So that you're also not frustrated by endless cycles to some degree. We do have to, let's say, wrangle those cycles so that we're not just up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, because that's going to drop you crazy, too. But really recognizing the profundity, let's say, of the down cycle. Is this a down cycle that I need to listen to, or is this one that I can kind of fight through a little bit?

Love that. So I think it's so funny that we. We make our routine around when we feel our best. We're like, okay, here's my routine. I'm gonna do an hour at the gym and I'm gonna meditate. I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. I'm like, well, that's great for one phase of your life. You know, I say this to myself. This is me talking to myself, by the way, but, like, making the most of the down cycle. Because maybe instead of grabbing the surfboard and surfing, maybe you're gonna grab the huge. I don't know, what's that big flamingo everybody lays on and you're just gonna hang out, Right? The floating totally like, is it yoga or is it, you know, maybe it's the juice that has the apple and pear in it instead of just the solid green juice. Like.

Yep.

Like nurture yourself. So are there things that you notice maybe when it's like a. That you do to just kind of nurture?

Well, I tend to when I'm.

Ugh.

For me, sleep is like my salvation and I'm able to find a lot of support through sleep and I'm able to do that in my life. I don't have children. I am not in a relationship. I don't even have a dog, unfortunately. I wish I did, but my life is such that I'm able to. To use sleep as my remedy. But I think the, you know, the application of that for most people is just sort of some like, self time. And that could simply be a bath or a longer shower or some days it's even like actually taking the time to wash my hair rather than just sleeping. So I think whatever the self nurture and the self care is, I think is so important for me personally. I know when I get really, really off track, a yoga class gets me back on track. It's crazy. Even if it's a super, super gentle one, you know, sometimes it's challenging, sometimes it's super gentle. But when I get really, really off track, I know that if I can harness myself and get to a yoga class, it tends to right the world for me.

Yes. It's such a reminder. Like release. Just release. Like stop resisting.

Yeah.

Like you had said before, just when accepting. That's. I mean, that word in itself is so powerful. It's just like, okay, I'm just gonna go with it.

Be with it. Yeah.

So much more energy when you go with it.

Yes. And it is hard. But, you know, the most miserable I've been was when I wasn't listening and I was resisting and pushing and resisting and pushing and I was miserable. Nothing was pleasurable. Even sleeping wasn't pleasurable. And that's a big deal for me. So, yeah, I think really like embracing and going with the flow to some degree. Right. Is. Is so important for most people, especially women. We really were hard on ourselves and we judge ourselves and it's like, I should do better, I can do better, or I shouldn't be doing this thing right now. I should be out running a marathon. And I think we're, you know, we tend to do that where men tend to not do that. And, and if we could do a little bit less of that and be a little bit More self caring and nurturing. It goes quite far.

So I know how much energy goes into a book and your book is absolutely beautiful and I really want to talk about. So it's a beginner's guide to strength in three simple steps. What made you want to write this book for people? Because I know you're so passionate.

Well, it came after my big 40 revelation, when my life was falling apart part and it was strength training that really got me through. And I realized that in some ways I am unlike a lot of women because I'm a fitness professional, right? But for the most part, I'm just like every other woman. And you know, I said to myself, it's still, you know, I've been in the industry for 20 years, working as a personal trainer that entire time, amongst other things. And it's amazing to me, every single day I have a conversation where I realize women have no clue what to do. Astronomy, strength training, and you and I, it's like a second nature. It's a second language for us. But most women are still so confused by it and in the dark. And I just realized, I'm like, gosh, this has such power to transform lives and really alleviate a lot of suffering that women tend to have both emotionally and physically. And if there's a way that I can help women to learn everything they need to know about strength training and feel confident about it, it, you know, this is what I want to do. And so I really wanted the book to be a little bit more self help and a little less fitness book. But the editors, you know, it was branded with Women's Health in Rodale and they really wanted it to be a workout book. So I decided, okay, well then I'm going to teach her everything she needs to know so that she doesn't feel fearful of getting into the gym. You know, even understanding like how to work in if someone's using a machine or if you're not quite sure how to use a machine, what to do. Just like basic gym etiquette. I thought, well, at least if that will give her some confidence to get in the gym, she's more likely to embark on a strength training journey. So it really came from like, I just want to share this with the world and I want women to be stronger and the stars aligned. And that was the book that Rodale wanted to put out. So I was, I feel really like lucky to have gotten to do it.

You know, I was reading through it. You definitely got a lot of like self help and mindset in there. It's definitely the underlying tone. So that message, for sure comes across, and I love it does translate just in. Into, you know, application for your entire life.

Yeah.

Because yeah, man. If you can navigate. If you can learn to navigate the gym and just really create that happy habit, it is so powerful. So let's talk a little bit about that and just kind of busting through those fears, because I think it's just like anything else. So what are some of your top tips for people? Because it. It doesn't matter. It's like, I've moved so much. If I'm walking into a new gym, it is still intimidating.

Yes. Isn't that crazy? I think the same thing. I've been in the gym for over 20 years, and still when I go into a new gym and I see piece of equipment, I'm not quite sure how to adjust. Just, I get hot. I get, like, scared and nervous, and I'm like, this is. This is tragic. If I'm nervous, just think about all those other women that don't even know where to start. I'm so with you. I love that you say that, because I always laugh at myself. I'm like, I just wish the world could see me, like, intimidated by this piece of equipment and that scary dude over there who's given me, you know, the eye, basically. Right. So it's like, you know, I feel it's funny because I think the biggest thing that women are. There's two things that a women are intimidated by in the gym. One, I call it bro territory. They feel that it's the men's section of the gym and they feel intimidated by the guys. Part of it is I think guys are in their workout and they just think they're seeing an alien. They're not used to seeing women in the weight room. And so rather than them giving you a dirty look, they're literally just confused by seeing you. But I think a lot of interpret it to mean they're giving you a dirty look because they don't want you in there. I think they're just like, girl alert, alert. Oh, my God, why is there a girl in here? I really do. But it feels like they're looking at you with intimidating eyes, and I don't think they are. So that's the first thing is I think women are terrified to go into bro territory. And then the second thing is they don't know what to do. Well, we can remedy that. That's easy to remedy. What to do. Arm yourself with a workout plan before you go into the gym. And that's going to help you navigate that space, you know? But I think, like going back to point one, the funny thing is, just like you said, the metaphors for life. As soon as I realized that, that the guys in the gym, they actually, most of them like having us there. And once they realize that they're allowed to talk to you and be friendly, most of them are quite supportive. And it's just like anything else in life. It's like you go to a cocktail party and you don't know anybody and you feel intimidated, right? But as soon as you smile and you start to chat people up, you realize they're happy to have you there. And I think that bro territory is exactly the same way. You know, I think it's just women saying, okay, well, there's a guy there, I'll go in and treat him just like anybody else. I deserve to be in this section just as much as he does.

I love that you said that. And you point out that people are just, you know, at the end of the day, day people are. They want to be kind and they want to be helpful. They just don't know necessarily how. So they either give you a blank stare or maybe they come up. I've had a lot of people or men come up and be like, hey, do you want to know the right way to do that? And you're like, totally offended, right?

You're like, ah, I know exactly what.

I'm doing, or whatever. But really, that's them just being like, hi, I like that you're here. I want to help you because I'm trying to help everyone. And, and it's just, if we can all be more compassionate in the gym and just know that whatever's being said or done, we're all just in our own freaking heads. Like, we're just all upstairs freaking out. That's all.

Totally, totally. It's so true. And it's so, so, so, so true. And I think part of that initial reaction that all of us have had, women in the gym, it's like we feel a bit self conscious. And, you know, there are a lot of women that feel really self conscious in the gym. And then when there's a guy that makes eye contact with them, it's just you're setting yourself up in your head to be in an uncomfortable situation and we tend to think the worst. And there are some jerky dudes in the gym. You know, I won't lie, there are some. But those are the guys that you should confront. Those are the guys that you shouldn't be afraid of and be like, yo, dude, you don't deserve to be here any more than I do. So, so move over. Which I've had to do sometimes, you know, but the vast majority of times it is a blank stare that we're putting upon that judgment or intimidation or, you know, as though that person is assessing me and judging me and wondering why I'm doing this movement this way, when most of the time, you know, they're in their own head and they're just looking around.

Okay, so your book, top messages that you want people to really just know.

Well, one in particular for women, that strength training legitimately has the power to change so much in your life. We have research that shows it is as important towards your overall health as things like pap smears and mammograms. It is actually a positive action towards your overall health on a biochemical level, a hormonal level, a mental health. It really does reprogram your body and make your life so much better. And I think, you know, so many women think of strength training is getting buff. And in my opinion, that's the last reason to be doing it. It's going to make your life better. And as you know and a lot of the world doesn't know, it really is a somewhat limitless tool to transform your body, if that's what you want. When we talk about these problem zones or couple zones or whatever, it's like strength training actually is a pretty limitless tool to give you whatever you want if you can harness it. I think that's the biggest thing is I just really want to drive home to women. Don't be intimidated. Arm yourself with some knowledge. There's lots of great information out there. And know that there's only so much cardio you can do. But strength training is nearly unlimited.

So powerful. So, Holly, where can we find your book? How can we follow you? Get all of your good information?

Yes, yes. So social media channels, Instagram, Holly Perkins, is really my most active channel. I really put lots of love into my Instagram. My website is Holly Perkins.com you can find my book there. As well as Barnes and Noble, bookstores, Amazon. And then I started an organization by the name of Women's Strength Nation. And the website is womensstrengthnation.com and that's where I'm really putting a lot of my strength training and personal stuff, strength information. So there's video tutorials, there's a blog. It really the entire site is dedicated to helping you understand everything about strength training so that you feel stronger as a person. And there's a free gift there. So if you go to women's strength, women, strength nation.com, free gift. There's a fun little free gift if you just plug in your email. So, yeah, I think that's. That's all of it.

Amazing. We will put all of that in the show notes, and I just want to take a minute to. To acknowledge you before I ask you a final question. But I just want to say thank you because you are so wise and you also do it in such a fun way through social media. I love following you. So thank you for showing up and for writing this book, too, because you're putting all of the information that people need right now, especially beginners. I really, really love that it's geared towards people who. It's like, you know, know, it's. It's that first foundational. It's pretty much everything. And for even people who are intermediate to advance to remember and go back to. I was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna write some of these workouts down.

Awesome.

So good. So thank you so much. Okay, so you have about 30 seconds in an elevator ride with somebody, and they look over at you and they say, holly. Well, I don't know if they'd know your name. That'd be creepy. They say, how do I make myself happy? What do you say?

Oh, gosh. Look within and listen.

So beautiful.

So simple.

Yes. Thank you so much, Holly, for being on here. And you guys, if you love this episode as much as I did, make sure you share it with your friends and family. And until next time, earn your happy, everyone. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, Tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye.

Bye.