93: SIX STEPS We Take to ACHIEVE OUR GOALS with my husband Chris Harder

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Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast.

I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss.

Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear. Clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And today I am so excited to have my husband on Chris Harder. And we're going to be talking about the six steps that we take to achieve our goals. So, Kris, why in the world are we sharing our secrets with everyone?

Yeah, here's the thing. Nothing has any value until shared, right? So that goes for our secrets as well. And they shouldn't be secrets. They should be out there for the whole dang world to follow if they choose to follow it. Some may, some may not. But I at least want to give them the chance.

I love that. And you know, this time of year, Chris and I are always really, really excited to start thinking about our goals, to start thinking and envisioning what 2017 is going to look like. And I know that you and I have taken everything that we've really been working with. How long have we been working together?

Oh, boy, let's see. I think we're in our sixth year now of working together.

So everything that we have been learning together, especially and applying all of the failures, all of the amazing things that worked from the year prior and really seeing how much faster the acceleration and growth of really narrowing it down and figuring out exactly where what works, and that's what we want to share with you today, is the exact steps that we take whenever we want to achieve a goal and what that looks like. So let's jump right into step one. And that's obvious that when is set your goals. So, Kris, when you are about to set a goal, what do you do?

You know, you can't hit your goal if you don't know where you're aiming. Right? So that's why we choose a goal. And quite honestly, I start with a larger goal, like what do I want to achieve for the year, but then I work backwards into smaller, more attainable, way less overwhelming type of goals. So I'm just going to make something up. Let's say we said we want to increase our income by 50% this year. That's a large goal that could be very intimidating if you looked at it as one big step. So then we would back that down and say, well, how much per month would we need to increase? And we'd even take it a step further. And we'd say, we know that we're not going to be able to increase it the exact amount that we want to increase it monthly right out of the gates. So we'll probably scale it down for January and February and then step it up a little bit for March and April and so on and so on. So we pick our big goal and we kind of work backwards.

So we chunk it down.

Yep.

And that's the basic fundamental idea of everything that we do. And especially I just want to, I want to summarize it for all of you who might have even just a body goal. Let's start there. So a lot of people, what they do is they set this outcome and that's all they focus on. Oh my gosh, I want to lose 50 pounds in six months. And you're so attached to this 50 pound mark in six months. And that's all that you see, that you kind of get overwhelmed by it. So when the day to day comes, you wake up and all you see is £50 and that you want to lose it. Right. And I feel like you need to lose it. Whereas if you just backed it down to what you have to do that day to actually take steps to be healthier, Instead of saying 50 pounds, you say, what could I do today that I would be a little bit healthier than I was before? Because that's truly what's going to get you to your goal is saying, what can I do today that's going to move the needle just a tiny bit or get me outside of the old habits that I had before. And we're going to talk about that more. But really chunking it down is the main key. And looking at the day today.

Yeah. So if I could take your exact example, £50 in six months. That's intimidating. And when somebody says, oh my gosh, I'm 50 pounds away, what's this one meal gonna matter to 50 pounds? That's sometimes when they make the wrong choice. So when you chunk it down, to use your expression, that's only £2 a week times 25 weeks to get £50 in six months. Now when your mind says, ooh, I gotta make a two Pound difference this week. Not only is that doable, this one meal might make a big difference in that £2. And therefore, you make the better decision. So always start with a greater goal, but make sure you are working backwards down to several small attainable goals. In other words, paint your path. You gotta know what roadmap you're gonna take in order to get to your final destination.

Okay, so just to summarize on setting your goals, you know, some of us have massive goals. Some of us wanna take on two big new things this year. Some of us want five new things this year. Some of Us want 10 new things this year. How do we know how many goals we should be taking on?

Well, I would say don't pick too many, right? Take a look at what you did last year and know that if you only achieved one or two things that you wanted to, you're not going to suddenly achieve 20 things this year. So keep it realistic. The second piece of advice I have around that is when you've got your two or three really important goals picked out, tell the world, tell social media, tell your friends, tell everybody that matters the most to you. Tell, you know, who you really tell. Tell the people who scare the daylights out of you that you're so afraid are going to judge you because when you know that they know your goals, you are going to work 10 times harder because you're so afraid of being judged by that person or those people. So those are really the ones that you want to tell your goals to.

And we just did this, you guys. We literally just joined a mastermind with, actually, Lewis Howes.

Yes, I can.

Amazing podcast called the School of Great Greatness. And we just joined a mastermind with him and made some big commitments. And we actually meet with him this week to tell him all of our big, scary, audacious goals. And that's. That is scaring the crap out of me right now because once I tell someone who is really like a mentor for me, I am like, I'm stuck. Dang it.

I know. I was even afraid to fill out that form, right? You wanted our goals, he wanted them broken down. And I thought, oh, my gosh, here's someone that I look up to that's going to read this thing. So not only do they have to be realistic, but they also, you know, I got to make sure that we're going to crush them.

Now, how do I know which goals come first? And I kind of want to. I kind of want to elaborate on this now, Chris. I'll let you talk after this. But as far as what goals come first, this is really important because if I'm making a huge financial goal and I'm like, okay, I need to double my income, but every time I go to double my income or try to even go outside the box and earn more money or create anything new in my life financially, but I'm too tired to do it, or I'm too lethargic, or I feel like crap, or I feel too intimidated to walk into the room where I need to go in order to grow or go to an event and my body is holding me back, or my energy is holding me back, or my whatever, you know, thoughts are holding me back. That is the goal that has to come first. So if there's something that when you go to do, your big goal is coming up. Maybe it's physical, maybe it's energy, maybe it's a relationship. That's your goal. The one thing that's always blocking you is the first thing that you need to tackle.

Yeah, I heard you use the term. I think it was today. Resistance. There was something, I can't remember that we had to do, and you're putting it off. You're putting off. And you said, oh, see, that's just resistance. And it's like as soon as you acknowledge it, then you're able to move past it. So I've learned that from you is if something's. If you're putting it on the back burner for some reason, just acknowledge it out loud. And it makes it so much easier to step into it and step past it.

Oh, man, that's so true. I was just listening to a lecture today, and it was, um. It's from A Course in Miracles, and it says, let me recognize the problem so it can be solved. So whatever keeps coming up, recognize it, call it out, be proud of it. Be so happy that you've figured it out so that you can solve it. Okay, what do you say we move on to number two? Because it kind of goes directly into this. Create a clearing. What does that mean for you?

All right, so I think it means something different for both of us. And here's why. Let me just kind of fill everybody in. I'm pretty analytical. Or in other words, I like very clear steps. And so when I hear create a clearing, to me, that means what things can I eliminate that are time wasters? But it also means that I need to master what I call time blocking. You know, we've got a network marketing company, a team that has over 126,000 people on there. And the first step that I always teach them when they have a goal in order to achieve the steps that are going to make that goal happen is to start time blocking. And that is you need to carve out those times each week, each day. You need to know exactly when you're going to be doing the do. And you can't just do it in your mind. This has to be a calendar. This has to be written down. You have to have a habit of every Sunday night or every Monday morning pulling out your calendar. I don't care if you use your phone, you an old school paper one, whatever, pulling out your calendar and time blocking in that entire week. First, putting down the layer of everything you know you have to do that you can't get out of. It might be like go to work Monday through Friday from 9 to 5, right? You can't get out of that, so you put those things down first. Another one might be bring the kids to soccer Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7 to 9. So you put down your non negotiables first and then all those other gaps. That's where you're going to make your next year's goals start to happen. And you don't just leave those gaps there, Laurie. You literally pencil in. You literally physically schedule in almost like it's a second job. The actions in those gaps that are going to help you hit those goals.

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I love that. That's been absolutely game changing for me. The other day someone was like, do you, do you have a calendar or what do you do? I'm like, do I? I would live and die by my calendar. Like I cannot imagine not having a calendar now. And I used to have a paper calendar book that I used to carry.

Not that long ago.

And I learned that that's not the most awesome thing because it's not always with you and electronically you also get reminders and things like that. But as far as creating a clearing time, blocking has been one of the biggest gifts and tools that I've ever done. Without it, I would never achieve any Goals. And that's a true, true story. And right now, you and I could ramble off at the exact same time when our workouts are going to be this week. And you guys, it's. We're in between Christmas and New Year's, and yet Chris and I are still scheduling because we want a life that is always either. Either we're fully enjoying our off time and we know it's our off time because it's scheduled, or we're fully focused on our on time because it's scheduled. And there's so much freedom in that. It's like before, you know, we were just talking to Zach and Eden Slobin about this, and it's like, if you don't actually live and die by a schedule, you're never enjoying your off time because on your off time, you're feeling like you should be doing something because your schedule is so scattered.

Yeah. It's so true. So to that note, you almost have to schedule in your habits. So you guys hear about good habits, bad habits. If you're going to schedule in everything in order to make sure it happens, then you also have to schedule in the habits are going to be good for you. Maybe reading is a new habit that you want to achieve this year just a little bit every day, but you schedule it in. You mentioned our workouts. They're scheduled in. We build everything else around it. So those positive habits that you know are gonna make you you, those are the ones that you have to schedule in for them to be habits that actually work for you, you know?

And honestly, like, we're still struggling with reading every night, and we both want to be. And when we say, okay, we're gonna be in bed by 9 o' clock reading, those are the nights that we're actually in bed by nine o' clock reading. And the nights that we don't say that, it's kind of like we end up going, I'm tired, whatever, you want to watch another show or you want to just sit on the couch longer or whatnot. But it's truly when we commit and say, I want to be in bed by nine reading on Monday and Wednesday, and we're like, yeah, let's do it. Okay. So it means another thing to me as well. Creating a clearing. We're still on number two. And that is creating a clearing in your mind.

Yes.

So if you don't feel worthy of your goal or if your mind is way too cluttered with feeling like you can't reach your goal, you're never actually going to do it because you're going to exhaust your brain feeling like, why am I doing this anyway? It doesn't really matter. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. You're attached to this old story. So creating a clearing on your old story. So for me, when we wanted to, let's just use. You know what? Let me use public speaking. So when I wanted to be a speaker in the worst way, I knew it was my calling, but I was still attached to the old story of I can't go up on stage and speak in public because I have anxiety, because I am gonna black out, I'm gonna pass out. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. Now with this thought in my head over and over and over, I was totally not able to even time block yet. I wasn't even able to make goals because every time I did, I had this. This cluster of thoughts and emotions that were taking up so much space that I couldn't even think of anything else. So creating a clearing and also a clearing mantra, right? So maybe around. Whenever I would feel so much anxiety around public speaking, when I would think about it, I would say, no. And again, I'm going back to A course in miracles because I love it. No, I forgive this thought. I choose to see it differently. And I created a new story. So every time that came up, I said, I thrive when I speak on stage. I thrive when I speak on stage. I light up when I speak on stage. I feel my most alive when I'm speaking on stage. And I stuck with this over and over and over. And that was the clearing space for me. So two meanings for our number two. So number three, did you have something to say?

Well, I was just going to add what you just said is so important. You can't just create a clearing and then leave it there, because anything that's just clear or empty, so to speak, is going to be filled with a whole bunch of bs, right? So what you did is you created that clearing and then you backfilled it with the positive mantras. So you can't just create the clearing and leave it blank. You have to create it and fill it with something that's going to be beneficial to you.

I love that it's so true. Because we'll always fill it with something. Always. All right, number three. Ooh, I love this one. I know you love this one. Change what your best. Your best is or means.

Yeah. So I posted about this today because this one means a lot to me. You Know, if you look back on your last year, you probably say, well, I did close to my best. I know there are a few times I slacked off, but really, I bet you did do your best. And the times you slacked off, you probably needed to because you were stressed out or you were tired. Therefore, it's part of doing your best. Your whole environment contributes towards what your best is. Right. So my goal this year is to change my best, not do my best. And I really want to clarify that. If I were to just do my current best, I'm going to get the same results as last year. If I change what I expect my version of best to be, then even if I fall a little bit short of doing my best because I've raised the bar on what my best, my new best is, then my results are going to be different. My results are going to be that much better. So I'm not going to do my current best this year. I'm going to change what my best is and then work towards that.

I love that so much. So this guy that we're in, our new mastermind with, that we got to hang out with for just a little bit, we were having this incredible conversation on a ride home from an event, and we were talking about how in order to. You need to set a goal that is bigger than what you being the you right now could actually achieve. A goal that would require you to become a completely new and better version of yourself. And I loved that because Those are my 2017 goals. Is I am going to have to be a completely new, different, better version of myself than I am right now in this very present moment in order to achieve them. Because who I was last year is not going to be able to achieve the goals that I have set for this year.

What a trap, right? So think about this trap. If you build all your goals around who you are right now, those goals will never grow very much. So when you build a goal that requires you to grow in order to hit it, you know, you may not even know how you're going to hit it because you're not that person right now. But when your goal makes you become a different, better, stronger person, that's a real goal. That's pretty awesome.

Absolutely. And it should scare you. And that's the most exciting part, is that looking back at all of the goals we've set, they scare us. And at the beginning of this, or what was this like two weeks ago when we were setting some goals and just talking about some things to really make sure that we're held accountable. We were both. We were both like, should we do this? Should we set these goals? And the thing that we immediately said was, I'm scared. So that means, yes, let's go. I said, I'm super freaked out. I want to cry right now. I feel really upset. I feel like I'm, like, really shaken to the core. My knees are shaking. I said, so. That absolutely means this is exactly where I am supposed to go.

Why is that? There's something about the stuff that scares you. Is actually the. The guide showing you where to go.

Fear is your guide 100%. It's the best possible guide ever. Conversations you don't want to have, everything.

Yeah. Unfortunately, that's why most people don't go there.

Yeah.

Right. So if you can just learn to kind of not enjoy, but embrace that fear and be like, oh, good, there's my guide. I must be going that direction. When that becomes your mindset, and then really, that's just a choice.

Yeah.

Then you're just going to take steps forward like you've never taken before.

Okay, so tell me what's scary for you.

Oh, good one. What's scary for me is launching my podcast, trying to keep up with yours.

Oh, my God. Really?

Well, not really, but.

But yeah. Really?

Yeah.

Yeah. What's scary for me? Oh, well, like sharing with mentors what my goals are. And really, I. I feel like this year everything is coming to a head where all of my really big dreams that I've put out there as the far as the stretch goals that this year they. I know that they're achievable if I become that better version of myself. And that scares the crap out of me because I know it means giving up a lot of social media time. I know it means giving up a lot of extra, like, sitting around time or time maybe watching a couple shows that we like. I know that it means really becoming a master of my schedule and giving up things that I don't really, you know, that are total luxuries for me right now.

Do you remember?

I don't want to remember.

We actually talked about that. That's another thing that scares me as well. It all just came back to me when you said that we're so afraid that by having new goals and actually hitting them, it may take away from some of the things that we enjoy today. And there's a really funny dance that you do there. I don't know if it's a justification to stay where you're at right now. I don't Know if it's a legitimate fear of, you know, I'm really happy in life. And so if I hit these new goals, what if I don't have these things that make me happy? It might be fake, it might be real. I don't know. But you don't know. If you don't go there and, you.

Know, even just saying this out loud, it's so. It's so interesting because, like, we. I think we're going to talk about. Or did we talk about, about reaching your goals in the. The end result. Right. So what we're focusing on right now is our loss. Yeah, we are going to talk about this. So what we're focusing on right now is our loss and what we're going to lose. We're ult ultimately, if we would focus on what we're going to gain, we would run right towards it.

That's crazy. It's funny how we work this out. Out loud therapy right here. I love it.

We just high fived. Okay. All right, you ready for number four?

Let's do it.

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Redefine your rewards or your reward system.

Yeah, this holds a lot of people back and this held me back. I don't know how else to say it other than to just be blunt. And that is right now. If your reward is, you know, eating bad food. If your reward is I get a bunch of drinks. If your reward is, oh good, I get to watch my three or four different TV shows each night because I worked hard today, then you're not gonna grow and you're not gonna hit any goals worth hitting. If you don't start changing your reward system now, it doesn't mean you can never watch tv. Doesn't mean you can never have a drink. It doesn't mean you can never have a, you know, bad meal that you totally enjoy. Because I do all those things. But they're no longer my rewards at the end of the day. They're no longer my rewards for doing something. There's something that I'll periodically do because I enjoy them. But my rewards now have changed. My rewards are based on things that bring me long term happiness, not short term pleasure. And when you can make that shift from your reward system being things that bring you long term happiness and not short term pleasures, that's when you will really start crushing your goals.

So here's where people get caught up though, and here's what I want you to go back to. If you can put it into words. What did you focus on to have that shift happen? Because I remember it. I mean, I remember for me, I remember for you. It's kind of like, okay, well, you know, we want to build our network marketing business because we have this vision, but that means we have to give up our weekends. It means that we have to go and speak on the weekends. It wasn't easy. Like, how did we do that?

I think a little bit at a time.

Yeah.

It wasn't like tearing off the band aid. It was acknowledging it and then changing a few habits and rewards and then acknowledging it further and changing a few habits and rewards and acknowledging it and so on and so on. So you're not going to radically reinvent your reward system come January 1st. But if you change your reward system a little bit by one or two things in January and one or two things in February and one or two things in March and so on, by the end of the year, your reward system, the things that you strive to get for a job well done, is going to have radically changed for the better.

I love that. And you know, I've always had this gift to be able to look, to look at the end result, look all the way to the end of the action that you're taking right now to see how you're going to feel and what you're going to do. So postponing pleasure, right? And that's what we wanted to talk about during the this one, right?

Yeah.

So postponing pleasure, like looking at what you're doing right now or what you have planned for the day and saying, what is this really going to bring me ultimately? Is this going to wind me up in the same exact spot that I'm in having short term pleasure, which really is so short term, I mean, sometimes it's five minutes and ultimately having your whole life be in a place where you are not happy, where I can tell you that the most successful people in the world are geniuses. They are masters at postponing pleasure and understanding what real pleasure is and knowing that if you can just postpone it a little bit longer, and that's the whole key, is maybe just a little bit longer or just a little bit longer and taking, even if it's an extra hour in between wanting a snack and saying, you know what, I'm going to go for a walk instead, or maybe it's an extra day between going shopping online because you are trying to get on a financial plan and the longer that you can go in between and make those goals the better. And you can think about what the end result of if you did the opposite action, right of the disciplined action. And that's what I really focus on now is what result is the discipline action going to give me. And I focus so hard on that because I want it so much and I know it's possible. And that's the only difference between successful people and non successful people is the discipline they're willing to take and the space in between really postponing that what they view as their old pleasures.

So give me an example for you personally of a pleasure you have learned to postpone or something in your reward system that you got rid of in place for a new, better reward.

Oh, man, I'm gonna go for an easy one because we just came back from Christmas. We were on a trip where we were snowboarding all day. Well, we went snowboarding for two days and we were in a house for the other two days. So four days total. And for me, especially around Christmas time, when there's so much food in the house, I go. It's easy for me to go right back to my old just who I used to be. Right. It's fun, it's comfortable. I used to eat all day long. I mean, I could easily throw down, you know, four days of food in one day, easily, and come home five to seven pounds more. It's easy for me. I'm just being honest. So when I'm up there, I always say, okay, that's not gonna. I focus on number one. How would that actually make me feel? Like, how am I gonna feel tomorrow? Am I gonna enjoy people? Am I gonna enjoy myself? Am I gonna be tired? Am I going to even be able to be present if I start eating this way on day one? No. So what could I do right now that I could actually enjoy and postpone that? Well, I could move my body a little bit, I could drink a lot of water. That always makes me feel better. Okay, I'm going to go up and I'm just going to have another cup of coffee and enjoy the conversation. Like I'm. The conversation in my head goes, lori, go enjoy people. Go enjoy the moment, go enjoy conversation. Because that food is just going to. To wreck the rest of your trip because you know this is going to happen. So for me, it's kind of postponing throughout the day. Like, save it for the nighttime. I always save, you know, of course I go and have wine and I have a little bit of extra here and there and some cookies and whatever is out. But now I have bites and now I save it for the night time. So I make it through the whole day. I make sure that I move and then I save it for at night. So I set. I really learn different things that work for me and that took me years of as well. But it's kind of like looking at, what is this? What are my old habits actually giving me? They're making me miserable.

Yeah.

All right, so redefine your reward system. How about you? Do you have anything that you've redefined?

A lot of them. A lot of them. One of them was something we did today. So I don't necessarily enjoy running per se. Yeah, I enjoy running only because you enjoy it and it's time spent with you. But I've changed my reward system so that my reward is that I get to get through really good books on my run. You know, I listen to books on recording while I run a habit that you've given me. And now that I view that as a reward, getting through more books now as a side result, I look forward to running because that time to me is no longer torturous pain and hardly being able to breathe. Now I view that time as, oh, good, I'm going to get like four or five chapters done in this book.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. That just totally made me think of. It's not like you're postponing pleasure. You're postponing your old idea of pleasure. And you're actually within this, rewiring your brain into your new form of pleasure. So just like you said, now it's like, yeah, it's not the easiest way to get pleasure. Right. Saying, okay, I woke up, I feel tired, we ate like crap the night before, but I'm gonna go for a run and I'm gonna listen to a book. Like, that's the last thing we wanted to do today, I promise you. Am I right? We both just were kind of silent until we got out the door because we knew ultimately this was a new and better form of pleasure. So I loved it too. The second I was out, it was like, okay, we're doing this. Okay. I know that ultimately this is going to give me the gift of my day back. The gift of your life back. Like, that's so huge. I mean, if I would have woken up like I wanted to and had a big ass breakfast like I wanted to, and sat on the couch and watched more Christmas movies and just made, you know, just continued on, I know that right now I'd be feeling terrible and I certainly wouldn't be talking to you guys.

I was just gonna say we wouldn't even be doing this podcast right, Never, ever.

And I wouldn't feel like myself. I'd feel further and further away from myself again, making myself make bad decisions. So now the reward system for me is saying, guess what? I went for a run. I feel great. I'm so proud of myself. That's a huge reward for me to. To earn your own pride and just your own love for yourself. Right?

Wait, is that, like, earn your happy like the name of your podcast? There you go.

And honestly, when I don't love me, it's really hard for me to love you.

Yeah.

And I think of that, too. If I want a good relationship, I have to do the things that I need to do to love me or I can't love you the same, and that's not fair to us. So if I want to keep that good relationship is changing that reward system.

Putting yourself first so that you're the best version of yourself for other people. I mean, that's a whole nother podcast that we have to do.

And I was about to go off on a tangent on that, but it's so true when. I mean, we do it as much for each other as we do for ourselves because when we walk out that door, it's like, I know that I am going to be able to look at him and just see him clearly where if I don't feel good, I can't. I can't see him for him. It's like I'll do little things that I'll take personal that weren't even meant for me because I'm almost looking for them because I don't feel good. So change your reward system.

Right?

All right, so number five, find and enroll your tribe.

This is something you teach all the time. Why don't you take it and run with it?

All right, so find and enroll your tribe. This is huge because we can't do anything alone for sure. Hands down. And in the beginning, you may start alone. And that's something I really want to point out, too, guys, is if you. If you're sitting there right now going, well, they can do this because they're fit and they're happy or because they have all these people around them. We didn't. We started completely alone. First of all, I started my journey totally alone with zero friends who were thinking the same exact thing as me, who didn't even think fitness was cool. Like, they were totally against it. They didn't know anything about self development. I Didn't know Chris at the time. Chris was on his own journey. The only thing I had was magazines or books. And then when we met and we got together, we didn't have any friends who were into our lifestyle, and it was really, really tough to break that mold. So basically, enroll your tribe is about. It doesn't always have to be people in the beginning. It can be books, it can be podcasts, like you're listening to right now. This is exactly what I did in the beginning, is I got so I needed to know that there were other people in places that thought like me. And if I. All I had to know was that there was one.

You know, it's funny because people ask me a lot of times, they're like, well, what if I can't change my tribe? What if it's my family? What if it's my co workers? You know, I can't quit my family. I can't quit my job right now. Then to that I answer, if you really can't change them and you truly are the average of the people you spend the most time around, then it's time to. To start making sure that every gap in your day is filled with people who will better you, even if it's virtual. So maybe it is a mastermind that you're doing every single day if you have to, to help counteract the other people that you're forced to be around. Maybe it's podcasts on your commute and podcasts on your workouts and podcasts in your free time so that you are raising the bar of the people who are constantly speaking in your ear to counteract those people that you can't get away from, per se. So if you can't escape your current tribe, then it's time to backfill every single minute that you can with a new tribe, even if it's virtual.

Absolutely. I mean, we still have people in our lives that, that aren't thinking the same exact way that we are and that we find we really struggle with because we wish that they could come on board with a mindset of abundance towards everything or, you know, know that a healthy lifestyle would be something that would make them super happy. And. And we have a lot of family and friends who don't think that way. And it doesn't mean that we have to get rid of them. It just means that we're going to spend most of our time with people who do think the same way as us. And when we say most of our time, it doesn't even mean our in person time, like you said, it could mean in our ear time. Right? Like. Like you said, podcasts, books, masterminds, getting on the phone with people. So those are the people whose ideas I'm listening to most. And if you do need to take a step away, because for me, for a while and now my family's so supportive and amazing, but for me, for a while, for a few years, I had to step away because I wasn't ready to. To stand up for myself or make the decisions or say no to the things that I actually wanted to say without stepping away for a bit and limiting some time with them in order to become a stronger version of myself. So that when I went back, I could say no. I could say how I actually felt, I could say actually how my new life was. So sometimes you do have to limit just a bit until you can go and put that armor on. You can go and get strong. You can go and build that muscle memory, whatever it is to go back.

To your family that almost goes back to tying into number two, creating a clearing. Sometimes that clearing you're creating is the people who are not good in your tribe. And it can be the scariest thing to do, it can be the hardest thing to do. It can make you feel really lonely even for a whole year. But you're not making decisions to be happy right now or in six months or in a year. You should be making decisions that'll make you happy 5 years from now and 10 years from now and 20 years from now. So again, that's something that holds people back because it might be tough for a month, it might be tough for six months, it might be tough for a year. But if you make the correct decision and create a clearing in your tribe so that you can backfill it with people who are going to benefit you in your tribe, it's going to make a world of difference. And one more thing that we forget is sometimes hiring a coach, like literally buying a program or having a one on one coach or inserting yourself into a tribe of men or women that are doing what you should be doing on a regular basis, that is a form of going out and recruiting your tribe.

Absolutely. And you and I have done this. We have a new coach or I have a new coach. We both do. Every single year we, we enroll a new coach, we spend a whole lot more than we expect to spend, but we know that we need to take a dollar amount that would make us so committed that we're going to show up. So this is where people I think fall a lot is that they'll be like, okay, yeah, I'll go get a coach or I'll join something. But they, they join something that's maybe so easy for them that they don't even notice that it's missing or they go to someone who they don't really look up to.

Up to.

You need to go to someone that you. They have the lifestyle that you want and maybe it's a little bit higher than you want to spend or you're comfortable with or that you can even afford. We have done this. This is how we got to where we're at is we committed to something that we're like, we can't not show up. We can't not do this. And that's one of the most important things that I think you can possibly do. I mean, I've had what, five or six different coaches now maybe?

Well, absolutely. And I mean, let's just tell them we spend over six figures a year in hiring part of our tribe because we know it's going to stretch us and you have to invest money in order to get a large return on your money and that's the best return because it's a return on your brain power and that's going to last forever.

So what about in the beginning?

In the beginning, I mean, books, Books were a form of us hiring our tribe.

Right.

Events, you know, inexpensive events or free events. If you go to meetup.com you can literally find free events or $10 events or $20 events where you can insert yourself into a like minded tribe on a weekly or monthly basis.

You know, I just want to say I've had some women come to Bliss Project who I've seen the biggest transformations on the people who it was when it was a stretch for them to come. Like we had one woman sell her couch.

Yeah.

And she changed her life so much in a year because it was like she was down. She. Her back was against the wall. So sometimes I almost like to force myself into feeling like my back is against the wall because when we're in our comfort zone, nothing changes. Right. What is it? Good is the enemy of great. So sometimes it's like I have to do things. Like we did hire a mentor. Say it out loud. Say, that's why I say, oh my God, I want to be the next, next Oprah or I want to be a New York Times bestseller this year is because I have to proclaim it to all of you to make sure that it is out there and that I'm So uncomfortable that I don't want to fail if I feel fine because I'm not so attached to the outcome that I'm gonna go just freak out if I don't make it. But I am a person who wants to honor their word and that by saying it, by speaking life into it, you're actually speaking life and truth into it. So I just kind of want to go off of that. Find and enroll your tribe. Chris. I literally have developed programs on this because it's. Because it is why we've been successful. So through events, which is why I created Bliss Project. That was a huge reason, is because events were the biggest thing that changed me and programs were the other big thing that changed me as well. So the 60 day challenge, which just opened right now, that's huge. You guys, if you are looking for a coach, if you're looking for a place to. To change your body, your mindset, if you're looking for somewhere with meditations, with a place for self development, that all launched today. So programs, events, what else for you?

You know, for me, it's different steps of tribe, different steps of surrounding myself. So books lead into podcasts lead into live events lead into private masterminds, lead into one on one coaching. I make sure I try to have every level of that in play at all times. And so whether it is somebody subscribing to your 60 day challenge because they want to be surrounded by tons of other women who have the same type of, you know, mind and body improvement goals, or whether it is us investing in Lewis Howell's mastermind, it's the same type of time and monetary investment in order to get the outcome that you actually want this year.

So give me an example just for everybody on here of your biggest takeaway from maybe a scary event that you didn't want to go to.

Oh, Tony Robbins for sure. So unleash the power within. Yeah, I'm a rather even keeled kind of guy. So I don't get too high on the highs. I don't get too low on the lows. When you go there, they have you jumping up and down on chairs and screaming and pretending to celebrate like you just had the greatest thing in your life and is way outside of my comfort zone. But the breakthroughs that I had by playing at 100% and getting outside of that comfort zone, that's an example of an event that had I not gone, I wouldn't have done those exercises. And had I not done those exercises, I wouldn't have had those breakthroughs. I Mean, I've got event. I've got example after example after example. Landmark Forum was another one that was kind of our original one that we went to that started cracking us open way outside of our comfort zone.

How about Costa Rica?

Oh, God, is that where you were leading me? Okay, so Lori kind of lightly tricked me into going to what she called a yoga and surf camp in Costa Rica. And I got there and it was maybe a little bit of surf and a little bit of yoga, well, daily yoga, and a whole lot of crazy types of meditation and self development. And I remember the first day I got there, I literally said to her, I said, babe, I'm going to fly home tomorrow. We were supposed to be there for a week. I said, babe, I'm going to fly home tomorrow. This is not for me.

It's going to leave me in the.

Jungle, and I don't want to ruin everybody's time. And because there were no flights out that night, you know, I stayed and I participated. And I woke up the next day and I said, no, I'm going to stay, and I'm going to play it 110%, because I'm not going to ruin anyone's time here if I choose to stay. And by the end of that week, I had so many breakthroughs and I learned so many new things. And, you know, the type of person that I turned into in one week's time was like, from a 5 to a 10. And what's really interesting is I've never been so present, and therefore I've never been so happy in my life since we went there, you know, 16 or 17 months ago, whatever that was. And I attribute all that back to this one event that I would have not gone to had you not gotten me there. So sometimes you got to do the stuff that scares the crap out of you.

So here's the deal, you guys, and here's something that I live by. And I know whenever I am in a room where I am extremely uncomfortable and I want to go home and I hate it, that is the room that offers you the biggest lessons. So whether it's a room full of your family at Christmas or whether it is a shala in Costa Rica full of people doing something you've never heard of and you're not sure of, and you don't know what this is gonna do for you, it is is called surrender. And ask yourself, what is this trying to teach me? What could I learn from this experience? And that has been the ultimate best, hasn't it? It's like when we're the most uncomfortable is the biggest room for expansion.

And because we're still on tribe, what was so interesting is some of the people that showed up there that I would never have invited into my tribe or even pushed out of my tribe turned into being some of the best human beings I would ever want in my tribe. So it wasn't just personal growth. It was, let's call it human growth, like discovering new types of people that you want to need in your life.

That is so powerful. And we have people there that, like you said, we'd never connect with, who now I just thought of their best friends totally. And they have so many skills that. See, the people you're attracted to don't always have the skills that you need to get to where you need to go. And it's kind of like go to those places where there's totally diverse people that you wouldn't normally talk to and be interested.

Right.

Ask questions, be present, be interested. And the more present that you are, the more you're going to learn about them and yourself and how you can.

Get to where you actually need to.

Go because you're not going to go there alone.

So obviously, tribe's important. We spent a lot of time.

I know. Tribe it up, you guys. Tribe it up. Okay, number six. One day a time. This is our last one.

This is so cheesy. So the saying that goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It is so important to recite that in your head over and over again because when you have a huge, audacious goal, it's going to paralyze you. You're not even going to fathom how you're supposed to get from point A to point Z. The idea is you just take it one day at a time. You be present and you just chip away at it. I mean, nothing great in history was really done in one instant. Is everything that had been chipped away at, chipped away at, chipped away at, chipped away at. Until all of a sudden, one day, it was way better. And someone called it a breakthrough, Someone called it an overnight success, but it was really just repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition. One day at a time.

You know, there's some big tools that you can do to. To understand how one day at a time works. And our culture actually does not promote one day at a time. So literally, social media is killing us. It's slaying us. It's teaching you to never have any focus or attention. So some things that you can do for one Day at a time is force yourself to meditate every day for five minutes. Because you're just. It's just brain training.

It's.

That's all it is. Like, running and meditation has been my biggest teachers for being present and reaching any goal. Any goal. This book goal, as far as becoming a New York Times bestseller and getting a book out and actually writing a book, Running and meditation, I want to tell you why. So running, for me, people are like, I hate running. I can't run. It's so boring. It's awful. It's terrible. Yes. It's teaching you something. So when I go out for a run, I never want to go, ever. But when I go out for a run, I keep telling myself, this is it. This is all there is, is this very moment right now. So I learned to, like, really hone in and zone in on my podcast or the music, or I say, if this was all there is right now, what would I do? I'd look around. I'd be present. I try to acknowledge people's faces. I think about what they're thinking and how they're feeling. I feel the wind on my skin. I get really present. I look at every single tree. I thank God. I go through all my gratitudes. I thank God, I go up and down my body and thank him for every single joint that's working for my family, for exactly what I have in that very moment. Because. And I keep saying, because your brain wants to go to the end of the run. It wants to go to, when is this done? I'm so miserable. Add the sucks. Well, this is all there is. And you're actually changing so much in that moment. Your brain training, you're changing your body, you're learning to be present. You're getting in gratitude. You're really seeing people. You're thinking about amazing things. And then you hit that runner's high, and your heart's been going for a while. And it's like, oh, my God. You don't get to the runner's high until at least like, 20 minutes in, if not 30. And that's also another kind of like this. The people who are going to be present and really stay in for the reward or go for the long haul. They're going to get the biggest rewards. And that's really what I think running and meditation are teaching you is it's like, be patient, be present.

There's so many daily practices when we say one day at a time, you said it each day. Acknowledging what you're grateful for will help Keep you in the game, because it seems like you're acknowledging a win every single day. Another thing is if you had a goal of improving your financial standing that every day, simply transfer a tiny amount from your checking account to a savings account you won't touch. I don't care if you transfer a penny. A dollar ten, maybe. It's different every day. Create that habit of taking that money and putting it out of sight, out of mind, and at the end of the year, you'll save what you wanted to have saved. Another great example is if you have a body goal going back to your example of £50 in six months, break that down to the £2 a week, which is really just making a couple good food choices each day that you wouldn't have made before. It all goes down to one bite at a time.

Absolutely. And I think it can get really overwhelming to look at the big goal. So I think it's important to look at it and then get right back to what's going to make me feel better right now, what's going to make me feel accomplished. And I know, I know you're. Oh, here goes our dog. You guys, this is the thing about podcasting and working at home is our dog is about to bark at us.

So she's got that. Look at her face and she's got her tennis ball. Well, maybe she's given us a clue.

So one. One bite at a time. And truly, it's gonna feel so small, it's gonna feel like nothing is happening. Am I right?

It is, but this is how you counteract. I just want to give you an opposite point. You say, this is when it feels like nothing is happening. I say if you take it one day at a time and acknowledge that day's bite, then it does feel like something's happening.

I love that acknowledgement of the day.

Acknowledge that day's bite, even if it was a tiny one, and it will feel like you did something.

Small wins equal massive wins over time.

Yep.

And honestly, we have not done anything big. No, we have not done. When people ask us how we've done it, we're like, done what? Because it's been tiny, tiny, tiny shifts. Tiny shifts. And now we feel like we've become the people that can, you know, we can maybe make a little bit bigger shifts, but now it's like, it's those tiny shifts. In the beginning.

God, don't put that pressure on yourself.

Yeah.

Of having. Having to make massive shifts right away. Just put the light little expectation on yourself of making tiny steps 20 minutes every single day.

20 minutes a day of whatever it is that you want, whether it's towards your body. Right. Like we just did the hollaburn. And that was the biggest shift for people is when they knew that all they had to do was 20 minutes a day. I mean, I'm seeing posts that are like, my entire life has changed. I thought that I had to go all in.

Yep.

I don't even know what all in looks like, because whenever I used to go all in, I'd go all out.

Yeah. Oh, God.

And my all out was always way more than my all in.

Yeah. Our all in would be, you know, four steps forward, because we thought that was a huge leap.

Yeah.

And then six steps back and four steps forward and six steps back. It's like this stretched out rubber band that's about to snap each time.

All right, you guys, well, I am so grateful for you for being on this podcast and sharing and listening in. And, Chris, thank you so much. I just want to acknowledge you for being so awesome and for sharing all of your tips with us.

Well, I want to acknowledge you for having this platform, you know, for tons of people to come on and share their tips, but more importantly, for all of the hundreds of thousands of listeners, or actually millions at this point to log in and listen to. And if they take one thing away from each one, then you're making a huge impact in this world. I'm proud of you.

I'm so grateful for you. I love you. All right, you guys, if you love this episode, make sure you share it. And again, I just want to remind you that I Launched. Launched my 60 day challenge, and it's one of the coolest things that I do all year. I do it four times a year, but this is the new year challenge, and first place wins a thousand dollars. Second place wins 500. Third. Third place also wins 500. But mostly it is all about mindset. It is about tribe. It is about finding your community, finding that accountability, and knowing that when you share where you're at, you actually get the people and the tips and the inspiration and the breakthroughs that are really going to help support you on your mission and on your journey. So make sure you share this with anyone that you know who needs it. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing. And we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.