937. How To Find & Use Your Voice To Serve & Impact With Patrice Washington, Coach & Finance Expert

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Lori. The people who I'm supposed to serve, they have to like me in my bright colors. They have to like me in chandelier earrings. They have to like me in my stilettos. They've got to be okay with it because the only thing that I feel good in is, like, being myself.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show.

If you did not know, I am sending you a daily text. It's going to be anything from manifesting affirmations to quotes to questions that you can ask yourself to journal prompts. You guys, if you want to be a part of this list, it's totally free. All you have to do is text me the word daily to 310-496-8363.

And we're gonna chat.

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Go for it.

These are the things that I want to remind you of so that you know that you are not alone and that I'm out there doing it with you. So, you guys, if you want to join the daily text list, it's totally free. You can text the word daily to 310-496-8363. Okay. On the podcast today is my incredible friend, Patrisse Washington. She's been on the show two other times. I'm obsessed with her. She's a friend that whenever she is in town or I am near her place, we always get together, we go to dinner, we talk about all the things, not just business, but so much about life and what's really going on.

And what it looks like to really.

Go for it and be the woman that you want to be and Sometimes.

You need those vulnerable places.

Not sometimes, all the time. You need those vulnerable places where you.

Can just be real. And that is what I have with Patrisse.

And I feel like you are definitely going to feel that come across and feel like you're sitting in on this conversation, having a cocktail with us. During this conversation, she's always one of the people who just gets me super amped up and inspires me the most. And you guys, Patrisse was in 2020 Success magazine. She was named one of the 12 most inspiring Black voices in personal development. And she continues to consistently called on for her expertise by national media. As an award winning intuitive author, transformational speaker, hope restoring coach, and conscious media personality, Patrisse is committed to teaching a holistic approach to life while redefining the term wealth back to its original meaning. Well, being Patrisse got her start as America's money maven and is widely known for her personal finance expertise. You guys, I am obsessed with Patrisse. When I had my bliss project for nine years, my event with 500 women from eight different countries every single year, Patrisse was a speaker there. She was always voted one of the best speakers when she was there. You guys, I love her. Let's get into the show. Patrice, thank you so much for coming.

On the show again. I'm just gonna have these, like floating co hosts.

It's like the View or one of those, you know, parody shows. Yeah.

How many times have you thought about having a show like that? Because I know that I have. It's only so much fun to talk and do a microphone by yourself until you're like, you know, I could really use three other women with wine or coffee up in here.

Agreed. Agreed.

Well, you guys, we literally just talked for 40 minutes before this. So as Chris always reminds me, make sure that you schedule in time for the magic. Because where sometimes it's like the best conversations before and after podcasts. But now that I've totally dropped in with you, there are so many things that I feel like we just covered in 40 minutes about each other's lives. Which is so cool when you have those friends who are just out in the world doing, you know, their personal work, like really diving into personal development and going to the places that are sometimes really tough to go to. I feel like life moves really quickly for those people and in those new directions. And I know that your life has taken you into a lot of awesome new directions lately. But one of the coolest things about you, Patrice, is just your ability. When you Speak. I don't care if it's at the dinner table and we're out on a girls night and we're having a cocktail, or if you're on stage and you are just talking from your soul about life and your life experiences, you have been blessed with the gift of speaking. So I want to know, has it been that way your entire life? Have you always used your voice? Have you always been so damn eloquent? Did you practice that in the mirror when you were young? Or how the hell did that happen?

Well, one thing's for sure, Lori. I've always been a talker. So as a kid, I got in trouble for talking more than anything else. So teachers loved me, and I was a smart kid. But I would talk whenever I felt like it, which wasn't always the time to do so. And so that meant that I constantly got in trouble for talking. And I was asked all the time to be quiet. And then that would trickle over into my home life because my mom would see my report card which says, talks too much. And then there was a constant conversation about, go to school, be good, and shut your mouth. And shut your mouth, and shut your mouth. And while she didn't mean to shut down or to not operate in something that I would later learn was clearly a gift of mine, it did lead me for a while to shut my mouth. So you fast forward, right? And I'm an adult. And even when I think back on my marriage, which, you know, I'm newly divorced. And so when I think about my marriage, I also remember so many times, Lori, when I knew that I had a better way and I knew that there was a better option before we were going to make a decision. And there's something about that shut your mouth that would come up for me that shut your mouth. And I go, well, let me not. Let me just not say anything. So while speaking and talking is a gift, there is whole seasons of my life where I didn't see it as a gift. I kind of saw it as a curse. And it had been diminished and dismissed so much that it spilled over into other parts of my life in different seasons. And it wasn't until, you know, my story, losing everything in the recession. I built a successful business. I lost everything in the recession. Now it's time to rebuild. I'm feeling like I'm getting clear about what my purpose is in the world, which was, you know, to support other people and in redefining wealth for themselves. But before I even was clear on that, I felt like I was Supposed to help people with finances. Even though I had just come off of one of the biggest financial losses of my life, something inside still said, but this is how you serve. Like, this is how you help people. And then when I thought of, well, how am I going to do it? I had to look back and really assess, well, what are the things that have naturally come to you that you've always. But you've been maybe playing it to the left and talking and speaking kept coming back to me. I remember I used to enroll first graders in the vision. You know, like, this is what we're going to play at recess. I had that ability, but because, you know, it got squashed at different times, I didn't always see it as anything in particular. So it wasn't until these last several years where I have accepted that using my voice and speaking up is a part of how I'm supposed to impact the world. And when I got clear on that, then I started to take it seriously. And even though things can come to you naturally, it didn't mean that I didn't need to practice and hone my gift and really, you know, work towards more mastery.

What did you have to learn to accept or forgive or deal with when you would use your voice? Because it's not like people stop saying, shut your mouth. It's not like people stopped giving you opinions or telling you what they thought after a talk or after whatever. So what was it that had to switch to, like, accept and give yourself permission to be able to use your voice?

Two things come to mind immediately. The first thing is I had to detach from the response of other people, like what they could say or what they would think and stay more committed to the vision for why I was speaking. So when I opened my mouth, typically there's a purpose associated with it. And my job is to be committed to the vision of that purpose and not so attached to what every other person may think about my commitment to that purpose. Like, I'm committed. That's what I'm called to do. Your feelings about it are not necessarily my problem, because I'm not doing it for your validation.

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I've already affirmed that this is a part of who I should be in the world and so my only job is to stick to that. That's the first thing that comes to mind. The second thing that has been a blessing to me is to understand that while I have had an opportunity to speak to thousands and millions, whether that be on the Steve Harvey show for four years or, you know, Dr. Oz or on stages with up to 10,000 people in the audience, I'm committed to understanding that an audience of one is still an audience. And so my place is not to try to convert everyone. My place is staying rooted in my testimony and my truth, authentic to my experience and understanding that there's something about what I'm saying that even if it only impacts one person, I did my job like, I did my job. Now, obviously, the better you get. One person really can become 10,000 people, right, that you've impacted. But I don't go into any scenario thinking I'm trying to win over the crowd. I don't operate that way. I literally, when I am getting ready to go on stage or to do anything, one of my prayers is like, God, just bless one person. If one person is blessed. If one person reaches out from this interview and says, you were speaking to me, me, I feel good. Now you have millions of listeners, but, like, if one. If one of y' all listening comes to my DMs and says, man, what you said really impacted me, for me, that's enough. And I think that keeps me very pure, because I'm not chasing numbers for the sake of numbers or I'm not doing it just for the show. I really believe that I'm living my life's purpose. And so everywhere that I do set foot and everywhere that I do go, I understand that. I go with this belief that at least one person is going to be blessed. And it was worth the 30 minutes that I spent doing it so good.

There's so many things you said there that, like, you even release expectations, like, okay, one person in the audience, rather than thinking, like, oh, my God, everybody has to like this. Everyone has to benefit from this. Like, that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself when you're out there.

And it's unnecessary pressure. It's also unrealistic because I believe that the gifts and the talents and the skill set that we each have, we are called to serve a particular group of people. And the truth is, there are some spaces that I walk in, Lori, you love me. We've loved each other since the day that we met several years ago. Now, however, there are some spaces that I will walk in. And I understand that some people will just be annoyed by my anointing. Some people Will just be annoyed by my voice. Some people might be like, she has on a green dress, and I hate the color green. There's no way that you are going to win over all the people. So I learned years ago to remove that pressure from myself. And as long as I'm being myself, the people who are called to me will lean in. There's something about what I'm saying, how I'm presenting, even the use of the word y', all, which. I'm from California, and I'm a Belizean American, and for some reason, I live in Georgia, and I can't leave y' all alone. Like, someone will be so attracted to that. And a lot of being more magnetic when you open your mouth is just rooted in authenticity. It is like, the full confidence that comes from, like, this is me, and I'm not going to pretend to be anyone else in order to win you over. Either we are meant for each other or we're not. And that is okay. That's why there's, like, eight different types of bread on the shelf. You know, you want Nature's Own, or you want Wonder Bread, or do you like Ezekiel bread or what? It's like you have an option. And I know that I won't be everyone's option, but for the people that I'm called to, I'm their person, and it's my job to speak up and let them know that I'm here and that I'm available to support them.

Oh, man. So good. Like, using your voice you just mentioned comes from this place of the more authentic that you can be. And so many people, it's easy to be like, well, I think I'm an authentic person, and that feels really good. But then you go to talk or do sales or speak on stage or get this, like, message that you want to cross and we over prepare. We want to say the right thing. And I think I would love for you to share just about my experience of authenticity, fortunately and unfortunately has come by way of either being challenged, people having opinions, not being accepted, questioning myself. And I think without those moments of people doing that and trying to close us down, it's like that choice. Right? So I'd love to hear, like, a couple of moments for you that made you more authentic. Meaning it made you so rooted in who you are so that you could speak so truthfully. Like, did you have. You had a couple turning points where you're like, oh, man, I am now clear after this particular thing happened, that was not so fun of who I am.

Yeah. I remember when I was really getting started as a speaker, and I went through this season. You know, my name on Instagram is seek wisdom, right? And so I'm always like, now at this stage of my life, because it's not something I did early on, but at this stage of my life, I'm always pursuing wisdom. And that comes a lot through wise counsel. So how do I find people who are better than me or know more than me in this area and ask them questions? Well, early on, as I was building my speaking career, but really my name as a finance expert at the time, I hired a consultant. And so they came to. To see me speak a few times, and every time they saw me speak, they would give me, you know, some. Some advice, and they would give me some, quote, unquote, wise counsel. And so I started out doing what I felt like was right for me, just being myself. And then it became, well, if you want to be serious, taken seriously as a finance expert, you need to wear power suits. And I was like, okay, so it was like banker colors, right? So, like, black, navy blue, hunter green, chocolate brown. And I mean, power suits. So we're talking shoulder pads in them and, you know, kind of cute, but I don't know, I was like, 29 at the time. 29:30. So they weren't necessarily matching the age. Right.

I wrestled with that as well.

I understand. I was doing the power suits. And then another time, they're like, well, your jewelry is distracting. You really just need to have, like, a simple set of pearls. You'll look older, people will take you more seriously. It speaks to the wisdom thing that you like to talk about. I'm like, okay, so now I've got power suits and pearls. And then I speak in Chicago one time. And that morning I woke up, went to sleep fine, and woke up and it was snowing. And this, you know, older woman who's also speaking a more mature woman, she's like, you don't wear pantyhose with those suits. How could you be out? And I'm from California. Like, you know, we don't really do pantyhose. You know, I didn't grow up doing pantyhose. So I run to the gift shop and I get some pantyhose. And then another person made a comment about, you know, I'm 5:10, flat foot, but I would wear these high heels. And I was still holding on to my high heels, even with the suits. And someone said, well, money is such a, you know, intimidating subject. You're already so Tall. It's like you're looming over people. And. And so they're like, shorter heels. So now I've got power suit, pearls, pantyhose, pantyhose, pantyhose, pantyhose. Not me, pantyhose. And I've got these kitten heels. And I wake up, I'm, like, about 29, 30 years old one day, and I said, God, if this is what it has to be for me to do this, I will not. If this is what purpose means, I'm not going to be able to do it. I felt so fake and so phony. And I went to speak to college students, and, you know, they're not gonna just be kind. They were, like, looking at me like, I want to be nice to her, but, yeah, something's not right. I can't tell if she's 30 or 69. Like, something's off. I'm not sure. And I went on Facebook and I said, hey, I have some suits to give away. I gave away everything. I said, meet me at the Starbucks on East West Connector in Austell, Georgia. And I gave away all of the suits. The kitten heels, the pantyhose, the pearls, all of the things. And I was like, if this is what it means, I don't want it. The people who I'm supposed to serve, they have to like me in my bright colors. They have to like me in chandelier earrings. They have to like me in my stilettos. They've got to be okay with it, because the only thing that I feel good in is, like, being myself. When you used to do Bliss Project and I spoke at your event, I have my shiny. I have these, like, blinged out Jimmy choose on. And I remember telling the audience, I was like, look at these shoes. I sat down and, like, put my feet up, and everybody was, like, cheering. They're like, yeah.

Yes.

And they. Yes, they allowed me to be myself. And from the moment I started to just embrace the. The fun I like to have on stage and the movement, and whether it's a tight dress or it's, like, skinny jeans and a blazer and the blingy shoes, the moment I started to embrace all of just who Patrisse is, my career took off. But when I was inauthentic and disingenuous and trying to be what other people said I should be, I didn't show up. My most confident self, and it created a barrier and a wall between me and the people I so desperately wanted to serve. My heart was in the right place. But this thought that I needed to be someone else to execute the vision that I had had me completely on the other side of the spectrum and this side is so much better.

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The beautiful thing about this, you guys, is when you grasp this for yourself, it frees everyone around you. You truly showing up in your outfits and by the way, chandelier earrings. You and I, we would have gone toe for toe with our chandeliers when we were both 30, let me just tell you. Probably shopping at the same stores, but it really gives other women permission. And I love that you even shared that story because that's even what Bliss Project did for me. It's funny, Patrice, I should pull out the pictures of like, the first and second year I did it. So the second year I did it, I looked at the photos that came back and, you know, we put all this time into it and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to see these pictures. I had put on this grandma cardigan over my dress the whole time because I was cold and I mean, it was like a huge cardigan that went down to my knees. I was hunched over. I had like this side braid going on that was not good. Like, I hadn't even tried. And I looked at the pictures and I was like, who in the hell is that? Why did anybody want to learn from this person? Like, that is not aspirational. Like, I was hiding. I was afraid that people wouldn't hear my message if I stepped into my power of, like, just Everything that I wanted to show up as. And so I literally remember that I picked out my outfit because I would get complimented on being the approachable girl. So I would be like, oh, for people to like me, I should stay looking really approachable. Which apparently translated into, like, you know, frumpy for me. And it just. It was that one moment of like, wow, that's actually the most inauthentic version of me showing up there doing that. That's not the most powerful version we can be. So it's crazy how things like that translate through your entire life. So you do something called Command the stage, which I love, because this isn't just about being on stage at all. This is about commanding the stage and having the stage essentially be your life. Like the stage of your life, commanding everything about your life. So tell me, who is a spore and why did you start it?

So Command the stage is for anyone who wants to. To truly lean into their authentic voice. You know, it's for anyone who has a story. Like, so many of us go, I have a story to share, right? And there's people who think they don't have a story to share the side, but I have a story to share. Or they're like, you're getting clear on your purpose. And maybe you're a podcaster, author, a coach, a business owner of some kind, and even in corporate America. And you're like, I want to enroll people in my vision with more ease and grace, right? Because I understand what I want to do and I understand what I want people to know. Maybe you think the world says this about that thing, right? So for me, I always felt like everyone thinks that financial success is about money and material possessions, but I truly believe that it comes from a place of well, being first. And it's like, until I can articulate that and tell a story that enrolls people in that vision, they don't know what's possible for them. And I can't move forward the agenda, right, That I have, which is like, I want people to redefine wealth for themselves. Well, I have to learn how to articulate that in a way where people get it and it resonates and it's relatable and it connects. And so Command the stage is about teaching people how to do that, right? How to choose some story from their life. And it doesn't have to be a sad, downtrodden story, but some story from their life. And use my framework to bring people on a journey that enrolls them and allows them to see you as the credible person you are and not credible because you have all these certifications and degrees and all that. Because a lot of people think that until they have that they don't have a right to say anything. And that's a lie from the pits of hell, right? Like, that's not true at all. But our experience, our background, there's something about what we've experienced today that fuels us and drives us to do this thing that we see in our minds. But until we can articulate it for ourselves and then for others, it's going to stay with you. And it may go to you. Go with you to the grave.

It's so interesting because I don't care what you do. I was just thinking that this is literally so important for everybody to get clear whether you are just out in the world and you have a relationship. Like, it's so important to know who you are and how to articulate it. And also, you know, whether you are starting a business, already have a business. Like, even I was just thinking about Patrisse, like, raising money. That was all story and the ability to paint a vision and the ability to pivot a vision and the ability to, like, now sell it in a different way. And that is the key to literally everything. I feel like we can go and hire other people for so many other things, but we can't hire out our story. Trust me, I've tried. I don't know about you, but I have tried to hire coaches to, like, tell my story instead of, like, what you do. And it's kind of like digging into the person and getting them to articulate their story and learn how to do that powerfully. In the past, I don't know if you remember this, like, even 10, 15 years ago, you'd kind of hire a coach and they might kind of like, paint the picture of your story for you. And you would try to put that jacket on. Like, you'd try to step into the outfit that they painted for you. And I spent so much money being like, God, I just. I can't share this speech that this other person wrote as well as I can share my truth. And I. But I didn't know how to tell my story. So with that said, it felt so inauthentic, it's not even funny. Even though it was my story, it just wasn't my words or, like, I wasn't rooted in how it was being shared. So who is this for? Like, tell me who you. When you were putting this program together, like, who were you thinking about?

Well, first of all it was a download that I got in the shower right before COVID hit. And I never set out to be a speaker trainer. So I've been on stages for years. And I always end up being one of the people, you know, this at the end with, like, the long line, or everyone is like, I need to talk to you. And I'm standing there for two hours.

And I'm like, isn't she tired yet? She's still going.

Like, I always end up being that person. And yet nothing had even remotely come to me about, oh, you need to do a speaker training. I was in the shower and literally got this down low, and what I heard, what I felt was like, it's time to train the next generation of transformational speakers. And very specifically, transformational speakers, because trainers, you can swap a trainer in and out. A lot of trainers, and no disrespect to people who call themselves a trainer, but a lot of times they're committed to a PowerPoint and they have a clear objective, and if the trainer gets sick, they'll just bring someone else in to read through the PowerPoint and give the bullet points. And so, yes, it's very informative and educational. People get the points and they leave. Even inspirational talks are very much about, like, let's rah, rah, rah. So we've all been to something where we were like, yeah, pumped up, fired up, and then we didn't have a practical step or anything to go do, and then the event was over and we were right back in the same place. But transformational speaking gives you an opportunity to do some of both. But more than anything, when it's done, you equip people to take charge of their life, to go and do something like, you help them move their feet, and you position yourself as the support that they may need to do that. And so I felt that so strongly. And what came to me at the same time was, this is not about being on a physical stage. This is about, you know, William Shakespeare says, life's the stage. So anytime you have an opportunity to connect with someone, whether you're meeting someone in the grocery store or in line somewhere, and they go, well, what do you do? And, you know, most of us freeze up on that question, you know, and maybe people are being put on your path for a reason, and the way that you answer this question is going to be a big part of your destiny. But if you don't know how to answer it and answer it succinctly, which I teach my clients to do this in Three minutes or less. If you can't do that, you may miss out on such a great blessing or a big opportunity. And so I felt like it wasn't about necessarily training people to get on a big stage, in an arena or in a ballroom and talk to 10,000. I felt energetically that even if they had to present to 10 people in a boardroom at their job, they were going to be able to enroll people in the vision, which I've had clients who've now gotten raises and promotions from being able to seed some of the framework that I teach. Right. Or maybe there's just people in your family and this is three people at your dining room table that you need to convince. They're like, hey, I got to go back to school, or I need. I want to launch the business or I want to go do the thing. The framework remains the same. And once people have that, their confidence in being called to do things. I've heard of people, Lori, who have turned down opportunities because they were scared. They didn't know what to say. They felt like, oh, I'm not a speaker, but we're all speakers. We're pretty much all, like, able. Obviously, if we're not dealing with the challenge of some kind, we're all able to use our voice to enroll people in the vision. But most of us don't have a framework for how to do it. So we shrink, we sabotage, and we let opportunities pass us by every day. And so I've had people who are stay at home moms who came through command the stage. I've had corporate executives come through command the stage. I've had small business owners, podcasters, authors, like, anyone who's like, okay, I have this thing and I need to be able to share it. And a lot of what we do is also very driven in mindset work. It's rooted in, like, building faith and confidence in yourself. And there's the framework that we dive into, but there's the. It's the deep inner work, too. You know, I can't do anything without doing some inner work. It just a part of the. It's a part of the process.

You can't skip over it. It's literally impossible to get to where you want to go. So I love that you do that. I was just thinking about any times that I've had opportune, any opportunity. They're usually surprise opportunities, not planned. They're by way of meeting someone, being at a dinner table where I was probably intimidated and said yes to an invite, that maybe I wouldn't have said yes to because I before, if I hadn't trusted myself or my voice, because I would know that at some of these events or dinners or nights out with the girls that I randomly got invited to, who I've always wanted to hang out with, we say no to those things because we are ultimately afraid that we will be asked questions we will not know answers to or answer in a way that sounds smart or that makes people like us. And we're afraid of rejection. And that's why this is so powerful, is that we can stop turning down opportunities because we now have confidence in ourselves and in our voice. And that's where the opportunities come from. They come from these, like, random one offs that you say yes to, to be in these rooms with these people who scare you. And when you can trust your voice, you can say yes to more of that. And you'll even create more of that for yourself. So where do we find it? How can we enroll? What do we do?

Well, honestly, this is perfect timing because if you want a little preview, a teaser, I'm actually the Speak with Purpose summit. So I'm going to be teaching live for three nights. Just really breaking down the anatomy of a transformational speaker and like the power of an unforgettable introduction and what's included in that and just sharing more about all the ways that you can leverage this in your life. Because as my clients say, this is the gift that keeps giving because once you know how to do it. And Laura, you've seen this, whether it's on a panel, like we've been on panels together, we've done interviews together, we've been lives together. And the ability to enroll people, Whether you have 2 minutes or 20 minutes or 60 minutes, it's real deal. And it is. It's been so impactful. So I'm going to be teaching more of that September 9th, 10th and 11th.

Amazing. Okay, that's incredible. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm speaking a bunch coming up. And it's always like so powerful for me to get refreshers. And not just that, but to learn from somebody who I think is one of the best speakers that I've ever listened to. So you guys definitely go and check that out. We have all of the show notes below. Hopefully you're already following Patrice. But if not Patrice, what is your handle?

Seek Wisdom pcw. Seek Wisdom pcw.

So go and check that out, you guys. Let her know. As always, one of the biggest gifts that we can give to our guests is to Number one, go buy her stuff because it's going to impact your life. But number two, also let her know what your biggest takeaway was from this podcast and if you're going to show up on her training, because you guys are going to learn so much stuff. And trust me, enrolling, being able to enroll is the ultimate needle mover for your business, your relationships, and just your confidence. Right. And getting out your mission into the world. So, Patrisse, I'm so grateful for you, as always, and I look forward to our next co hosted show.

Absolutely. I'm always down. I love you much. So, so much.

All right, you guys, thank you so much for tuning in. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.