97: How To KEEP YOUR NEW HABIT

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Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn youn Happy podcast. And it is time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. So before we get started, I want to remind you that my 60 day challenge closes on January 15th. So if you want to get started on that, go to loriharder.comchallenge and it is all about making the choices to support yourself. So if you guys have heard anything about my journey, you know that I have not done this without mentors, programs, tribes, books, podcasts. You have to plug in. And also in my challenge, you will find out that it is step by step. It's falling in love with the day to day. It's one thing at a time. It's really falling in love with the journey and the people and what you're committed to and why. So we're gonna forget the all or nothing. We're gonna forget about trying to change 10 million things at once and we're just going to choose what plan works best, do some really amazing fundamental steps, start feeling better. And that's really what this tribe is all about. I create programs in safe places for people to grow, right? To really practice being that human, human that they are. So being able to fail out loud, being able to celebrate with everyone, being able to say, hey, this is what I'm dealing with. Are you feeling this too? Let me know. And to have people who are on the same page as you, because what happens is if we go and we set these goals or we try to make these habits, but. But we don't plant that seed into fertile ground or into a supportive. Into supportive soil. We are not going to be able to grow where we are. So really make sure that you are supporting yourself in whatever that is, whether it's my program or somebody else's. Just make sure that you plug in on a daily basis to inspiration, to surrounding yourself with the people that you need. To grow. So you guys, that's loriharder.com challenge. They're are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of us. I think we're gonna have 800 women. So I hope that you join us. And this brings me to my topic today and that is habits. I think that's a huge word for right now. I mean what are we second week of January? This is a really big week for people because I think it's actually the third week that a lot of people just start to completely fall off. They can start feeling a bit depressed because they felt that momentum of the new year and maybe they feel like they are not implementing what they to do. They're not following through. They find it's just way too hard because you've completely cut yourself off from your old reward system. Your old way of making yourself happy has been completely cut off. And you haven't yet figured out how to reward yourself in this new way of being whether it's healthier, whether it's reading or self development, or pushing harder at work or paying off your debt, whatever that looks like. So if we have not figured that out and we've gone all in with, we will find that there is an equal and opposite reaction to pushing 100% like that. It can 100% come back at you because it's just too much at once. So let's talk about that. Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote the book Psycho Cybernetics and he talked all about how it took 21 days to make a change. But what he was really writing in this book was that it took 21 days to notice a slight change in when you are trying to build. So you guys, I was listening to an audio book today and it is John Maxwell. I'm sorry, it's John Assaraf, like John Maxwell too, look him up as well. And he was talking all about habits and how yes, we used to think it was 21 days but really when we start looking at takes about 66 days and that's just on average. So depending upon the type of person that you are, whether you're someone who's taken on a lot of hab before, made a lot of changes, it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days. So there's a few different things in my life that I've really noticed this massive span in being able to change things. So for me it was easier to implement water into my healthy lifestyle. So I think that probably, you know, took a month of saying, okay, I'm going to put this water jug out on the counter every day. And when I walk by it, if it's not empty, I am going to finish it by the time the night is over. So that was something that was easy for me. Now when I started to write a book, I can honestly tell you that it took me two years to get into that habit. But the thing is, is that I kept on trying to figure it out. I kept going back to it. Okay, that doesn't work for me. That time doesn't work for me. Okay, that length of time doesn't work for me. That was too long. Okay, that felt good. I feel like I could keep this up. So it's really guessing and checking. And that's the biggest part is knowing what feels like too much. What feels like, yes, you can. Some goals are gonna be short, or some habits are gonna be shorter. Some habits are going to be longer. So no matter how long it takes, we need to start looking at it as being committed to our growth, being committed to our growth as human beings. Because either way, you're putting in work and energy. You're either putting in work and energy thinking about what you're not doing. Anybody fel that horrible pull and nag where you're not working out or you're not reaching your goals and you're beating yourself up in your mind. Okay, that takes work and it sucks the energy out of you. Or you're putting in work to do the things that make you feel happy with yourself. So really falling in love with the day today. And one of my favorite quotes that's out there is, every day is day one. Every single day. Day is day one. You guys, it doesn't matter. It's like 50 first dates, that movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore where she goes to bed every night and it's like the slate was wiped clean. She doesn't know what happened the day before. It doesn't go into the next day. So no matter how much he showed that he loved her the day before, she cannot remember, right? So it's like he has to start all the way from the beginning in order to build that love up for the next day. And that's exactly what this is. We have to view it as, what would I do today to build this self love and self gratification in connection to God, source, universe in my relationships every single day. And that's really what it is, is little bits done every single day, knowing that what you did yesterday may not count for today. Right? And if that overwhelms you, don't get overwhelmed with that, but just know to back it down and that it is about the habits and the rituals. So starting one thing at a time. Starting one thing at a time. So order to break bad habits. Cause some of us either want to break a bad habit or we're focusing more on building a new habit. Whatever that looks like. It's about establishing a new response. So if you're like, I want to break a bad habit, I tend to go to the fridge every single night at 7 o' clock after dinner because I'm bored. Right. So how do we break a bad habit? Well, the only way to do that is to create a new response. And for me, in order to have broken that habit, what I had to do was get out of the house for the evening. So for me, when I start to feel that sometimes I'll say, can I just go for a walk? Can I get up and maybe go throw in a load of laundry? Can I go and pick up my front office? Can I go and start reading? Can I turn the TV off and leave the room? Or can I go and drink a bunch of water? What can I do to stop the immediate response to go to the fridge at 7 or 7:30 at night to start snacking because I'm bored. Right. So you must think, when that happens, what's a new response that I could do here? And something else, you guys, that's so awesome about our brain is they used to think that we were wired so that once we were a certain age, this is who we were, this is our personality, these are our beliefs, this is what we do, this is what we're capable of and what we're not capable of. And now with all of the research on neuroplasticity, it shows that we can truly train old dogs, us, no matter how old we are. New tricks so the brain can continue to be new. That is so incredibly exciting. And I was just listening to a podcast from Dr. Christian Northrup. I'm pretty sure that's how you say her name. And she was talking about how, you know, she's in her 60s, I believe her late 60s. And she is doing tango dancing because she wants to keep those pathways in her mind fresh and young. And she says she's getting so much better. And I also ballroom dance. And that's something that is so clear to me every single time you go or every single time you read a book, it's like we are expanding our minds. They are meant to be expanded. And when we're not growing is when we are actually not happy with the.

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So something about when we continue to create a new habit and every single time we make this new choice, instead of the old habit, we make this new response, your brain recognizes that new pathway a little bit more clearly and it you will also experience a little bit less resistance each time. So the more and more and more that you do that, the easier it's going to feel to either do that thing or think that way. So stay committed. And this also just brings me to the whole idea of how happiness is a habit, right? Worry is a habit. Happiness is a habit. They are equal habits. So if you were raised your entire life to watch your mom and dad worry, to watch your sister worry, to hear about worry, to hear about how tough life is and that, you know, maybe there's a lot of anxiety and just different fear in the family, right? That is a habit because whenever something would happen, it's a choice, it's a habit, it's ingrained, right? So in order to break that, we need to start choosing a new response. So I can find a million things to worry about. But as soon as they pop up, you can say, and I love this, this is by Dr. Wayne Dyer and he says, you leave old habits behind. By starting out with the thought, I release the need for this in my life. So we have to recognize it right first. So when we feel that worry or when we feel that feeling of being defeated or we don't want to go back to the gym or complete whatever new year resolution we made, we can say, I recognize this. I want to release this negative or this need for this negative thought in my mind or this worry in my life. And I want to focus on what makes me happy or on the good things right now. So what that does is you acknowledge, okay, I see what I'm doing, I see the pattern. I am going to break it right now. I'm going to stop by looking for something specifically that I was proud of today or that makes me happy or something that I can do. So one of the biggest things that has basically made me Feel like a completely different person living a different life is recognizing my anxiety, recognizing when I'm talking to myself in a way that I'm a failure or that I'm not smart enough. Because that was my biggest story in saying, okay, that is a story. I recognize that I am choosing to focus on what I have control over, what makes me happy or what I'm proud of. So always choosing a different thought. It's like the other day I was running on this normal path that I run on and I was like, oh my God, this is really dangerous. Like, it's darker out and I shouldn't be here and this is so scary. And someone could kidnap me and from behind. And I was like, oh, my God. Okay, relax, you're totally safe. You're in a well lit plate. This is so beautiful. What could you thank God for right now? What could you focus on in your day? And I was like, wow, can we go down that fear spiral so fast, right? We can start to feel so unsafe. We can start to feel so nervous. We can start to think that the electrical wires from whatever's above us are gonna swoop down and electrocute us or something's gonna happen. Terrible. I mean, you guys, I, I talk to a lot of people who are very imaginative about some fear scenarios that could happen, and that's the life that they're living because they're choosing to dwell on those thoughts. So we have to stop and acknowledge and say, no, no, I'm not doing this anymore. I am going to focus on what makes me happy, what makes me proud, what gratitude I have in my life. Right? Because gratitude and anxiety cannot exist together. They cannot exist together. So focus, focus, focus on what you love. And slowly but surely you will be building the rituals that you desire to just live a happy life. So focus on the day today because I promise you, if we don't get grateful with what we have now, we will never be grateful, no matter what we have. So have the best day. And you guys, I get so excited to see all of your names come through in the challenge group. So Loriharter.com forward slash challenge. I love being able to see all of you in there and having you introduce yourself and share your stories and really, really, really just be able to connect with a tribe who's excited to meet you and support you. So until next time, you guys, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it. That would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really, really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.