Balancing Love, Business & The Pursuit Of Your Dreams With Kacia Ghetmiri At The EmpowerHER Live Event

I would ask myself three questions every single day. I would say, if I had all the time, all the money, and all of the network in the world, what would I be doing? And then I guess it was a fourth question. What do I want my day to day life to look like? And who do I want in it? And so that wasn't necessarily in answers that I was getting back about how much money things were making. It was like, what sounds fun? What would I do if I did have all the money? Because I learned really quickly that you could raise it. You could, could learn how to raise it, even though, you know, I pretty much was like, not graduated from high school. So all of these things that will come up in your head when you start asking those questions, let them come up. That's where the work will begin. Hey everyone, welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. If you do not know, I have.

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On today's podcast, this is a really fun one. So Chris, my husband and I got.

Invited to speak at one of our good friends events called Empower Her Live. And this was Keisha Getmerie's event.

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This was such a fun stage to speak on because it was Keisha, it was my husband, and it was me.

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But also a ton of fun and a ton of humor because Keisha is as real as it gets, and Chris.

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And let's get started.

Chris Moriart, everybody. Let's go. Okay, so you guys know, I wanted to just have, like, a really juicy convo about anything with you guys in particular relationships, because I think it's really important that we just are honest about how marriage and building businesses side by side can be really fucking messy and challenging. So can you guys give us, like, just for a little bit of context, let's go to the first season when you, Chris, were working in banking, and Lori, you were like, I don't fucking know what I'm doing with my life yet that season, what that was like in your marriage. Because there's women in this room that they might be the one that has this big vision, and somebody else that they're maybe married to doing life with doesn't understand that vision or, you know, they're in that season where one person's going on a different rate than the other.

So.

So let's speak to that season first.

Who's there right now? Raise your hand if that's the season that you're in. You're kind of like, oh, you got the bug. This is where you want to go, but your partner is not necessarily there yet. Okay, cool.

What about.

I also want to take the temperature because whether you guys have a partner or not, I kind of want to know if that's the same for you with your family. Like, you've got the bug. That's where you're at, but your family's not on board. Okay. So you guys know you can translate this conversation to that as well. So I would say that that came at a. I mean, I feel like we've always kind of known we were going to do big things, but life happens. And at this particular time, I was not the breadwinner in the family. So it also put an interesting. It put an interesting stress on the relationship in where I had these big visions, and I wanted to be starting to do things, and I came home and said, I want to do these fitness competitions. But these things were very expensive. Right. Probably like what you're. I need a website. I need the, you know, maybe the assist. I need all these different things. And if you're not the primary breadwinner, I remember feeling like, oh, I know I'm supposed to be doing this. And this is a big risk on our, you know, finances, and it was a really big risk for me. Who feels that pressure as well? Yes, the pressure is a blessing. The pressure is a blessing. So you just have to remember that when you're in it, that sometimes when that pressure goes away or if you didn't have it, you might not be in this room. Do you know that's true? Raise your hand if that's true. So Billie Jean King says pressure is a privilege. Like, when that pressure goes away is when you actually kind of stop performing. So first of all, thank that pressure in the situation that you're in right now. But I can say that that was a time in our marriage where I was feeling really guilty about going after my dreams. And he was still using some languaging that wasn't awesome. Like, hey, that cute little dream that you have is costing us a lot of money. And I was like, you mother beat. Like, I just literally, you know. But I realized this is when all of you who are the visionaries, it is your job to take them with you and paint that vision. It is now your job to say, well, whatever this looks like, this is where I'm going. I want you with me. Invite that person with you, but you have to unapologetically go there as well.

So what.

What were you feeling during that time?

You know, used the word seasons. Right. So up to this very point where she's describing, it was my season to be growing my career really fast in banking. And then all of a sudden, the whole world fell, especially for banking, and we were living beyond our means. So it became a season of starting over financially, simultaneously. From my perspective, this is when Lori said, oh, I'm going to never let this happen again. Therefore, I'm going to build my career, my Persona, and be able to contribute in a big way. And those two things colliding, the resources needed for her to go all in and the lack of resources from having to start over, that was what created the tension. And I think the best thing that Lori did when that tension was there, she put her foot down, she gave me an ultimatum And I remember we were sitting in a kitchen, and you said, listen, we need to talk. You tell me that you want me to do the fitness competitions, you want me to go for the magazine covers, you want me to go build this career. But then every time that I do what it takes, have an expensive grocery bill because of the food that's required, like organic chicken or whatever it was back then, or have to enter a competition or travel, every time I do what it takes, you give me resistance, or you complain or you say, hey, that's too much. And she said to me, and this is very important, she said, you're either a part of the solution or you're not. But I need to know right now, do you want me to do this? And if you do, then you got to start acting like it. And if you don't, you got to tell me now. And I remember when she told me that, I was shocked because I actually didn't know that I was saying those things. I didn't know that I was making it tougher on her. I didn't know that I was creating that resistance. So a lot of your partners, a lot of your family, a lot of the people that care about you that are a bit of a headwind right now, they may not know that they're the headwind until you tell them, and in Lori's case, give them that ultimatum. And my response was, well, hell, yes, I want you to go for this. So making me aware that I was doing that was probably one of the biggest things to start to heal that.

I think that was the beginning of our communication journey, like, the communication styles. So, you know, he didn't. He wasn't even aware that's how he was really talking to me, because he was in a. You managed thousands of men. Like, you worked with thousands of men. He didn't.

He.

It was the first time when I decided to really get clear with him on how affected I am by certain languaging. And at first he just thought I was being super sensitive, but I had to sit and say, no, when you say this, this is how I feel, or this is. It makes me. You know, it makes me stop. It makes me feel paralyzed in what I'm doing. And so having really open conversations, and there was a lot of them. You can't just have this in one conversation, you guys. This is going to be like, just give little nibbles. Or you might like, it may not be a good thing for your marriage, but give little nibbles to the people around you and have Those conversations starting small with like, what's the most important thing to talk about right now?

But be clear, I don't want the nibble so little that the person across from you doesn't understand the clear message you're trying to give. Big nibbles. Yeah, big nibbles. Big nibbles.

Earlier I had Trent say poop and he was really uncomfortable with it. So I don't know, I'm just keeping the truth going.

You could say it outside of your.

Guys and I know Laurie, you're, you have been talking about wanting to be on an evolution of being more the 14 year old boy that's in you. So here we are. I'm just opening the door for you. Okay. So in particular so because relationships, I don't necessarily just mean marriage, although I love how open you guys are. So we're going to dig into that in a lot of different aspects but with the family dynamics. So at the time, because this feels like this is lifetimes ago, but I just feel like it's really relevant to a lot of women in this room where like you're chasing, you're wanting to do fitness competitions, you're getting on board with this vision, you're starting to work on this language at this time and your family does not understand what you're doing. How did that feel? How did you emotionally support yourself while trying to navigate this dream? Like what did some of those conversations look like? Boundary. Like all of it. Give us the juice, the tactical stuff.

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You know, I feel like in the beginning of your dream you don't want to over share with the people who aren't going to support you. And so when I knew it wouldn't be supported, I just kind of wouldn't ever talk about it. And I wasn't really asked about it so it kind of worked out great. And I would just keep that part of my life separate until I felt strong enough that you can go and start talking about those things. Do you know what I mean? Like those people still know you as eight year old you. Like they're Going to treat you like that little version of you and you're not that person anymore. And sometimes when we bring this little seedling of a dream into that, they can just stomp it and it's not ready for that. That seedling isn't strong enough to go into that environment. So in the beginning, I think that we kind of like kept some things, especially just on my end of my family, a little more under wraps. And I would just share the big dreams with the people who were more supportive. I know your mom was really supportive in so much of it. And what about you? Did you feel that for your family?

Yeah, I felt it with our family. Do you remember the year where we said, hey, maybe it's just you and I and we got to move forward and whether they want to come along, you know, that's up to them. My family, while they were very, very supportive, go to your dreams. It was always with an asterisk back then and the asterisk.

Anyone resonate with that?

That asterisk was as long as you don't have to move too far away, Right?

That was our asterisk.

And they didn't understand why at the time we had to move from Minneapolis to LA to really be able to go become who we were meant to become. And there was a year there where they thought we abandoned them and they thought we were being selfish. And my dad had said to me, hey, I think you guys have lost yourselves. And those are really tough things to hear from your family when you're supposed to have a close, close family. But those are the moments that are going to derail you. As long as you know where you're going and why you're going, then you have to unapologetically go there regardless. Because if you stay back, you're going to be resentful. So it's kind of a lose, lose situation either way, right? Stay back, be miserable. Never be the person to set the pace for your family or go where you're meant to go and then get the things said about you. So we chose to go where we were meant to go and had to sit them down and explain. Explained to them. It's funny how you remember these moments. Like our conversation was in the kitchen, this one was in the car in Santa Monica. They came out to visit. It was a horrible visit, horrible visit. And finally we were on a car ride and we said, listen, we need to explain something to you guys. My mom and dad, we said, we're out here so that we can create a large enough vision that then gives us the resources so that the family can be together more than the average family and create more memories than the average family. But you got to give us some fucking time to do it, and you got to get off our backs. And it was preach. It was the first time that we explained it that clearly and explained the vision of what does that look like? So fast forward, they were a little bit more understanding. We felt a little bit more supported. And then all the dreams started coming in, and we were able to bring them out for five months every winter in Santa Monica. By us, not with us, but by us. We have boundaries. We have boundaries.

I love how you just clarified. They didn't stay with us next to us.

And all of a sudden, my dad dies out of the blue at 72. And when I say out of the blue, he was like, Mr. 99 or bust. Like, perfect shape there, like, had long all everyone else in our family lives perfect to, like, 10,000 years old. Right? And he dies out of the blue at 72. And if not for us going where we were meant to go, even though it meant a little time out of a couple years where we couldn't spend as much time together, we wouldn't have had. Have had all of the memories, all the time spent all of the. Right. We wouldn't have had all that because of the resources that we gathered in order to create them. Does that make sense?

So good.

Okay, can you talk a little bit about the seasons of life where one of you is on, like, a train to fuck? Yeah, they'll, like, in your rocket ship. And the other one is. I'm just being really unapologetic about this. I feel like it's a vibe when you're, like, pregnant, you're wearing fast, you're dropping an F bomb, like, I don't.

Know, potty mouth, baby. Yeah.

It's like, I'm saucy now. So one of you. And I'd actually love to hear about seasons because you guys are also, like, both building big things right now. But the season of one of you being on this big, like, trajectory this way, how did you, like, create space for the other person to figure out what their thing was, too? Not getting too codependent with each other, but simultaneously building dreams side by side and supporting each other. Like, what did that look like? What was, like, the messy behind the scenes of that?

Just.

I'd love both your takes on it.

There's been a lot of moments where she's been in a season and not me or vice versa, but this reminds me specifically of when you had the fitness career going and the online membership and all those things that were highly profitable. And we're on a walk, and she says to me, she's like, I don't want to do it anymore. I said, what do you mean, you want to do it anymore? You film, like, 60 minutes a month, and it makes 120,000 hours a month and blah, blah, like, suck it up. Film the workouts. But she looked at me sometimes. I come from a point of logic, right? And it's not always healthy.

Don't do that.

And.

We'Re gonna argue about this later, okay?

She looked at me and she said, no, you don't get it. Like, I'm over it. This is not my chapter anymore. I don't want to do this. I want to do something else energetically.

You guys know what I'm talking about. You're like, even though it looks really good and it's doing great things, I was like, energetically. It was just. It was done.

So I knew that she meant it, and I knew that I had to support it. And from that moment on, on that walk, we said, okay. It shifted to, what does the plan have to look like? Where do we have to backfill, and how do we make this happen? And you had taken. I forgot how long it was, but you just needed a season to figure out what you wanted to do, because it didn't come with like, hey, I want to shut this down and do this thing next. It was, I want to shut this down and take some time to figure out what's next. So when given that time, all the great ideas come, but you just have to trust your partner and be able to provide that space for them.

You know, I think back to the rocket ship question as well. When I'm just trying to think of the different times, sometimes you don't even realize you're on it, you know, and you're doing the thing. And I remember a few times you were like, oh, my gosh. I just feel like you always have something to talk about, and you're always in such a good mood. And I think you had a moment where, like, secretly you were like, God, why does everything always have to be.

Great on date night at Hillstone? I don't want to dominate the stories you want to tell me. Do it.

This is. I feel like this perspective, though, is like, more.

I'll give you the fast version.

It was in the beginning.

We're on a date night at Hillstone, Santa Monica, favorite restaurant, and she's sitting across from me and she's talking about these exciting new people that she met and this exciting new thing they're going to do together and it's going to be. And I remember sitting across from her being like, why does it always have to be so new and exciting? What's wrong with our life?

I talk about this old boring thing.

For a while, and it was real to me in that moment. And in that same moment I caught myself and I thought, wait a minute, what's wrong with you, Chris? That you would be upset that she is excited about something that she wants to create moving forward? That wasn't a her thing, that was a me thing. And I didn't say anything to you that night, but I went home and I'm like, hey, I got a bit of a problem here. Because the truth is, things were kind of good. Like, marriage was good, life was good, finances were good. And we know good is the enemy of what? Of great. So I'm just kind of hanging out down here. Good. And Lori's on that rocket ship that you referenced. And I knew that that was my wake up call. I knew that if she stayed on this rocket ship and I just hung out down here. Good. She was going to end up in the stars. I was going to be down here and there's going to be a distance. That was far too much for us to have a relationship. So I started looking for, wait, how can I kind of get on a rocket ship of my own? And it's not like it happened the next day, but a couple months later. That was when I decided to read 30 books in 30 days and learned all sorts of things from that. And that kind of propelled me to go to the pace that she was going.

So I want to share something about that too that I found really interesting because obviously we have a lot of different couples friends and we like to analyze. So I'll tell you that there are some women that we know whose husbands are not necessarily on that rocket ship. We have friends who, their husbands are amazing stay at home dads. They really are more into just like hunting and being at home and being a husband and like just kind of not necessarily, necessarily on a crazy growth trajectory. But that works so well for them because he's the support at home. And for these people's particular personalities, they're like, I actually don't necessarily want that. And I decided I didn't want it. I thought I wanted it, but then I really thought it all the way through. And what that would actually look like, and what I would have to manage if that happened. And they actually don't want it. Like, they want it be to. To be that way. Unless their partner obviously wanted. Then there'd be another conversation. But you have to stop and think, do I actually want this or do I want it because I see other couples doing it, or is this the most supportive version of this person for me right now at this time? So that's a really big thing to think about.

That's been coming up often. Like, even a couple people said that as a takeaway of, like, owning, like, what it is that your actual vision is if you. Even if it doesn't look like anybody else's, including the vision of your marriage, of your relationships, of whatever that looks like. So, okay, the season of you pause, like, let's go back to the season of you pausing memberships and all these things that were income producing. And you're like, I'm going to just take space to figure out what's next. There are a lot of women in this room that are in that season where they're trying to figure out what's next for them. And the space and the slowdown actually feels really scary. Right. So can you speak to that, Lori, from your perspective? And then Chris, to how it felt to watch her kind of like, figure that out?

Well, that space is beautiful and challenging, but that space is the work that's. You think you're personally developed, take some space or go home to your families for the holidays. Then you really learn about. You really learn about who you are. So that space was like years and years of personal growth and businesses. And then all of a sudden in that year, I didn't have the validation because I wasn't out as much in the world. Right. Everything was kind of slowing down. I didn't have the feeling of being able to put things out and watch things come into my bank account and validating me through, okay, Mama's still got it.

I can earn.

Because I wasn't, you know, I was doing all of these things that were pulling back. And so that was the time when I was like, wow, I think I've done work, but this is really where the work is starting because you have to be able to validate yourself and you have to be okay with the fact that you're not really doing much of anything. You know, I was keeping up with different things. I was still kind of doing the podcast. But even that energy for me felt if I went back and listened, I'd be like, oh, I can tell this is a girl who's not really, like, very gung ho about life, you know. And so I would ask myself three questions every single day. I would say, if I had all the time, all the money, and all of the network in the world, what would I be doing? And then I guess it was a fourth question. What do I want my day to day life to look like? And who do I want in it? And so that wasn't necessarily in answers that I was getting back about how much money things were making. It was like, what sounds fun? What would I do if I did have all the money? Because I learned really quickly that you could raise it, you could learn how to raise it, even though, you know, I pretty much was like, not graduated from high school. So all of these things that will come up in your head when you start asking those questions, let them come up. That's where the work will begin. It's like, I see you, I see all these doubts. I see all of this, like, needing validation. I see all of this feeling like you're not enough. I see all of this wanting to start something because you know you can do it. You know how many times I almost, like, this is so crazy. I literally remember almost writing these fitness magazines because I knew that I could write them and get a cover. But then I knew if I pitched hard enough and if I, you know, put all this work in, I knew I could do that because I wanted that quick hit of like, oh, see, you're still valid. But that would take eight to 12 weeks of my life away from just being open space. And I was like, you're so uncomfortable, Lori. You're so uncomfortable. This is exactly where you need to be. So it was one of the best and worst years of my life. And just be an observer of all the things that are coming up. And that's the point where you get to be your 8. You get to picture yourself as your 8 year old little self and love on yourself and reparent yourself through all of those things that come up. Because we can drown out and numb out that voice and be like, no, I'm good now. The mean coach is gone. The mean girl is gone. Yeah, because you're thriving. Wait until you're not. She comes back with a vengeance. And that's really when you. That's really when you get to go, oh, here it is again. Here's the time where I get to go back and coach myself and love myself and do all those things.

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So Chris watching, because I think there's some people I know, I mean, I've talked to you guys about this when, when my husband Cena left dentistry and he was trying to figure out real estate investing. We talked to you guys a lot about this where it was like, he would describe it like he was dropped in the Ocean. He's an enneagram 3, obviously, like, like Lori dropped in the ocean. Didn't like, knew he was a good swimmer, but didn't know what direction he should swim. And watching him, I remember just feeling like I want to help him. And I did try for a while, but it was not, it was not a good idea and I had to like, let him flounder. So can you guys speak to different seasons where you guys have had to let each other like, flounder a little bit and not, you know. Cause Chris, you're also one of the most optimistic people. Like that, that prior version of you in the date night restaurant, like, is a guy that I don't even know. Because you're like, you wake up and you're like, I'm happier and healthier and happier than ever.

Or whatever.

Right. But how, what about why watching Lori Flounder and then Chris, or Lori watching Chris flounder, what was that like?

Once I accepted it, like after that walk, that story I told you about, I actually liked it. I loved that she had the space to be able to find what she really wanted to do. I saw the most random reel the other day. It's this couple and they're in a bus that they built out themselves and they're on like a year long retirement. And the reel just said we should normalize. Year long retirements sprinkled into life. And I thought it's such a great point because life rushes by and you can make money and lose money and make money again, but you can't make more time. And therefore when you do have time, nothing is more important. So why not do something that makes you happy, not necessarily something that just makes you money. And if it can be both, then that's the jackpot. So seeing her figure out what was going to make her happy was satisfying because it was an investment in making us happy long term, if that makes sense.

100%. Literally just experience that.

I'm trying to think of, I think I've only seen really a couple times.

But when I lost my career and I had three years, I'd say when.

You lost your career, that was a really hard one. Because anyone in here a Fixer, like, want to go right to the bright side and be like, well, this could be good because. And he's like. I was like, okay, we're gonna back off on that one for a second. And so I just remember, like, nothing really was looking up because not only did he lose his career, but it was, oh, there's big. But it truly was his identity. And it wasn't like, I could be like, oh, hey, just go get another job. You were great at that one. They were all gone, you guys. It was like the crash of 2008, and so there wasn't anywhere for him to go in that career. And I remember him saying something like, I was only good at this. And that just broke my heart. And trying not to say anything at that point and letting it be okay for him to be in that pain on his own. And, like, I'm here. But he does need to go through this. Like, he. It's. It's a magical pterodactyl. Pretend it's a magical juju.

Somehow.

It's good juju. It's a magical spirit bird or something. It's going to be great. Could you Google Mazda? Spirit animals? I'd like to know. Okay.

And if it's bad, don't tell us.

Yeah, don't tell me if it's bad. But that was. That is a challenge because you have to let your partner be you. You can help them and you can kind of guide them and you can invite them along. And that does help for them to kind of, like, maybe see what you're doing and invite them, but let it be okay, like, hey, I'm here if you need me. But I think sometimes we try to force it, and I don't think that would have went well. So giving them space. I said a lot of prayers. If you can arrange things, like, who knows, maybe some dinners out with some great friends. Be around positive people. I do know that at that time I was inviting you to get, like, work out a lot, and I was trying to make us eat better because all of that stuff matters, you guys.

And I gained 30 pounds.

He gained 30 pounds. And I was like, this is not going well. He's not feeling good. He's feeling depressed, feel squishy, things like that. You're still cute, squishy.

So I love this.

Okay, so you guys are also extremely gifted at building real relationship capital, like, and networking and friendships. I would love if you could speak to. For anyone that's really wanting to build more community in general. Not even just, like, build communities From a brand perspective, I mean like community to support them through seasons of life and to have joy in their lives. How have you guys been so intentional about that from a tactical perspective? And just why does it matter so much to you?

It's the most important thing you can do. Like, of all the capital out there, right, Money is a form of capital. Everything else, relationship capital is the most important capital that you can acquire over time. Because even when you don't have financial capital, your relationship capital can come and rescue you, right? They can invest in you, or they can do your website for you, or run your ads for you, or do your branding for you. So relationship capital is far more important than good old fashioned capital capital. And a good example is we've always done a good job of creating the network that we wish we were a part of. And in examples where we move, moved to LA from Minneapolis, all of a sudden I felt like this tiny fish in this giant shiny pond that I wouldn't get to know anybody that I wanted to get to know. That's a really hard city to break into. So I took the scary step of saying, well, I'm going to invite people to me. And I started booking dinners in like the back rooms of these really high end restaurants. So people would want to come and I would start inviting and reaching out through social media and through acquaintances, people that I wanted to get to know, but I was also very intimidated to reach out to. And I would invite them to these group dinners and I'd say, hey, listen, you know, it's on me. It's a great place. I'm just trying to get to know more guys and get like minded guys together. And the first dinner might have been four or five of us, and the second one maybe six, seven of us, next one maybe 12. And before you knew it, I had to start capping these things and trying to let people not find out about them. And I was able to quickly build the relationships and therefore the relationship capital that I wanted in that city because I built the place for them to congregate instead of trying to go get invited to the places where they already were.

Yeah, you have to get bold. You have to just decide to be the person who's going to put it together. And I think it's so important to come to things like this. And then this is where you find your people and be the person that puts things together, put it together in your hometown, put it together over zoom. You know. One of the biggest lessons that changed the trajectory of my life was to Stop trying to do things with the women on stage and start doing things with the women who were in the audience. Because you guys are all on your come up. And as you start to do things all together, it's easier to ask, right? It's easier to get together right now. It's easier to say, hey, screw it, let's do a girls weekend, like a little mini mastermind together, the four of us or whatever. I will tell you right now, my crew that I like got together with, they're popping off you guys. And I am so grateful that I took my energy away from at the time trying to get with these groups of women that I saw on stage because all my energy was like, why won't they let me in? Why can't I get on that podcast? Why aren't they inviting me to speak? Why don't they see me?

Why?

Why?

Why?

And I stopped saying why and started saying how can I be the great aggregator of this group of these women who are on their come up. And let me tell you, it is life changing.

I would just add to that. That's one of the most important things that anybody can say up here five years from now. And that sounds like a ways, but that's going to be here like that five years from now. The next group of people that everybody is going to want to see speaking on a stage is. Is sitting right there. Or sitting right there. Or sitting right there. Yes. So much time saying, I wish I could get in here, I wish I could get in there instead of just looking around saying who's like minded, who's talented and let's go crush it together. Right?

So good. Yeah, can we get a woo for that? Love it. Okay, so both of you guys are building huge ass businesses right now and I would love to you could talk because I kind of want to keep this on the relationship aspect of things. So more like emotional support. What does that look like? Who are you reaching out to when like the visions that you both have for the companies you're building, it's like these are big, big things. So the distance between where you are now and where you want to go is massive. So I know obviously you have things that you can do from an internal perspective to support yourself and with each other. But like, who else are you tapping into? What are the those conversations look like? How do you know when you need support? Let's speak to that for both of your perspectives.

So we, we really support each other first. I'll say, I think that in our personal lives we've had such great conversations about what support looks like for each other, like what we need right down to hey, I don't like when you're like traveling back to back to back over a certain amount of time. I need a weekend mixed in here if there's like two or three in a row. So we're really communicative on what do we both need at home as we're both out in the world and starting to really travel. I think that's going to be a big thing for us. And then also I want to go to the friend thing before I go to also who we're tapping into. But I can say that for us it's been really important to have really close friend and family time. So we've gotten these trips that we are kind of scheduling in throughout the year because that time with those friends, especially like the up leveled friends, we've been finding that a lot of our ahas are even coming from that because it's space when you have time with really good friends to like three, four days on a trip, maybe five to seven. That space and those conversations that come within there when you're with like minded friends are kind of the things that might be your biggest needle movers, those ideas that come out of there. So we have now decided that that's a super important part of what we're doing. And then as far as networks, we're always having this conversation. We're literally having it right now. What dinners are we going to book? Who do we want to try to have dinners with that maybe are outside of? They're up here and we're going to go out in the world and do asks and possibly get rejected and maybe we'll keep asking, keep trying. And we're also going to trust though because sometimes we do these big asks and you get rejected. I trust that that wasn't right. Right now I'll keep doing it and I can keep getting rejected. But I trust the process of I'm being put in the right rooms, but I also have to put myself out there. So we're putting ourselves out there a lot. We're actually creating a lot of the rooms right now. And that's been really powerful because it allows me to invite in some speakers that I actually want to network with in my life or I want to learn from. And that just happened at Girlfriends in Business with Kaylee. I was like, great, I'll invite you as a speaker. Now I can learn from you and all of your genius ways for consumer good products. This is Amazing. But also we want to bring, we want to facilitate groups of people because that's really supportive. We want that around us as well.

I would just add to that, you know, you're talking about how do we accomplish this when we're both going after our legacy things? That's like both being in season at the same time. Is it the first time? Prior to this, it's always been I'm in season or Lori's in season. This is both of us at the same time. So we've been doing a really good job of giving ourselves smaller containers to accomplish the same amount of work in. And I had a boss a long time ago when I was in banking and I had this love hate relationship with him. But one of the best things that he taught me, and this is why I had this love hate relationship with him, is he'd give us impossible deadlines to get things done, or what felt like impossible. And sure enough, I'd somehow scramble and get the thing done that is supposed to get done by this deadline. And he'd always say to us, he'd say, if I gave you a container this big or if I give you a container this big, you're going to get the same amount of work done. So that's why I give you a container this big. And I've really taken that throughout everything we've done, but especially in this season, making sure that I'm just not allowing for all the fluff and I'm not allowing for all the inefficiencies, but instead getting the same amount of quality work done in smaller containers so that we can keep the important things. The important thing.

And as far as keeping the important thing, the important thing, what are some tactical things that you guys do to even utilize? Like, especially when you guys are both in the season of really going for it, to make sure that this marriage is prioritized when it's easy to just be like, my to do list is so long.

I mean, we have protected time in the morning and these are such little things, right? But protected time, they're the biggest things. Yeah, but they're the biggest things. Simple in execution, big ineffectiveness. Meaning nobody can get hold of us in the morning until we are past our protected time. And during that time, that's our time to wake up and do our mantras and our prayers and get our walk in with the dog and do our workouts together and all these things that we do together. So we're not only filling our cups, but we're filling our cups together. Before we go and pour out to everybody and everything during the day. And then we make sure that we come together again at the end day of the the day with another container, in this case usually a dog walk, and share our three wins for the day. So we've got these non negotiables in place. Instead of just letting other people's schedules dictate to us, when we try and fit each other in every single day, we have these containers where we know we're putting each other first and everything else has to fit outside of those containers.

I would say with that too. Something that has really helped me, I feel like tune into you is what? We've done this for like 10 years, you guys. If you guys follow us, you know that we do this. But we do something called the power nine. And so we do it in the morning on our walks. And if we're not going to take a walk, we'll do it real quick or whatever that looks like it takes max, for both of us, like five minutes to do. But it's three grateful fors. So you say three things you're grateful for, then you say three things you're excited about, three things you want to manifest that you want to happen. And then we do one wish. Well, so, so technically it's 10, but power nine just sounds better. Okay, so power nine. And so what that does for us is every single day, number one, it gets me to focus on what am I doing? And I can't tell you how many times that when it comes to the manifest, I'm like, what do I. I can't believe I don't know exactly what I want. Why isn't this rolling off the tip of my tongue? Like, this should be right there. Right? So it gets me really in tune and on target with what I want. But the most important thing is I get to hear his hopes and, and dreams and I get to help manifest that with him. I'm like, oh, I love that one. I'm gonna help. Okay. We're gonna like, put all of our energy into this. This is so good. So that has been one of the biggest things for me that I think keeps us together. And it gives me this open space to like, really share my hopes and dreams. And also a time for me to tell him how grateful I am for him. Like, on the last week of gratitudes, like, you've been in my gratitude as like, I'm so grateful you're my husband. And then I've been in your gratitude maybe just because I said you first. But either way, it's how, hey, if you ever wanted, like, words of affirmation, say it to them first and they feel guilty and they have to say it back to you. But that's been huge. But if you want that, all you have to do is DM me the word power. But that is. That's what we do every single day.

I would just add that, you know, again, simple execution, powerful in payoff every single day. I know my wife is excited about every single day. I know what my wife is working on every single day. I know what she's grateful for. And you can't help but have a good relationship if you are checking in at that level every single day. But if you're being honest with yourselves, how many of you could name that about your significant other or your best friend right now? Like, a lot of people couldn't say within the last 72 hours, who the people they love, what are they most excited about? Because life goes so quick and you get so busy that you don't share those things. So building in those purposeful sharings is everything. And it really helps us to also address things when there's smoke, not when they're fire. And I think that's the thing that served us really well over all these 18 years married now, right, is we have done a really good job of creating these daily touch points where we're always putting something out when it's smoke, not when it's a raging forest fire.

That's what the walks do. They allow you to say what's come up through the day, where, you know, if I didn't see him till late and I was frustrated with him for something or I want. I needed to talk about something. How many days go by where you don't create that pocket of time? I've actually heard this from a lot of moms who have come on my podcast. They say, you know, if you want a great relationship with your child, you have to make the space for it. Like, give this open window. Maybe it's a dinner time, or maybe it's a ride in the car that you do every day. Or maybe maybe it's a question that you guys have that you do every day. Like the Power something like the Power 9, or what are your three gratitudes? You need to create a space every day that opens the door for conversation. And that is what I think we do with our family, what we do together. And that's been the biggest game changer of anything we've ever done.

But you gotta be the fire Starter. You gotta start it. Great story. My trainer at the gym in Scottsdale, he told me, he said, hey, I've been listening to your podcast, and I started doing this Power 9 thing with my fiance, but she would never go forward if I was like, hey, let's start doing this thing that this couple's doing. He goes, so I just started asking her on our walks in the morning. She's like, hey, what are you grateful for right now? And then, what are you excited about today? And, hey, what do you want to make happen? Like, what do you want to manifest it? So instead of naming it, making it awkward, every day, he does it, and he can tell she likes it. So even if you have to kind of sneak it in the back door, like, they're good things to do.

And also, that's really good because it's tactical for anyone, right? Like, find yourself in this story of maybe you're not in a season of life because you have two super young kids. You can't go for two walks a day, but you can't create a container and find yourself, like, a Power nine type of thing or a Sneaky three. Power one, Sneaky three.

What exactly would that be, Keisha? I don't know.

Okay, so another question for you. Okay. In the seasons. So a lot of us have a lot of ideas in this room or things that we want to do. How do you guys and I want to know individually how you guys determine this for yourself? What is a yes and what's a no currently? And then what was a yes and what was a no when you didn't have the direction that you have now? Like, how do you even determine.

Well, there are seasons of yes where you're building your career and you need to build your network. So I was saying yes to so many things, so many events, saying yes to speaking on summits, zoom calls, all of those things. And I think now that I feel really content and happy with where my network is. And here's how I really got to my season of no. I was so burnt out, and I was getting to a place where I would go to these events, and I wasn't really leaving with what I needed. It was. I wasn't showing up the way that I wanted, and I didn't have the relationships in my life that I wanted. So I had a lot of network, but I didn't have any really. Really. I didn't feel like I had really deep friendships, and so I actually felt so lonely. And the more I networked, the lonelier I felt because I was surrounded by people who I never went deep with. Like, sometimes when you're in big rooms like this over and over and over, you get like these 5 minute drop ins when you really need, like long term drop in happens. So that was a big sign for me of, whoa, I don't have the relationships, the, the deep friendships that I want. So that started putting me and that, that was like, as my career was growing and I was starting to get in a good place with that, I was starting to get like, you know, access to different people. And that became where the tipping point, where it was like, okay, now I can start saying no. And now I go off of, is it going to be fun? Because then it's a yes for me and is it? I always think of, how can it be fun and also serve the greater purpose? So girlfriends live session, live living room sessions for podcasting. I'm like, that is so fun for me. And it fills content. So I get a lot of time back. So I'm looking at things of going, it's got to be fun and it's got to fill a purpose. It's got to be on the mission as well.

I think anything that you can multitask when you get really busy, that kind of falls into your yeses and anything that is a singular benefit that has to start falling into your nose. So like you said, if you could get content at the same time as speaking or doing an event or something, then that leans, lends itself towards, hey, this would be worthwhile, you know, the time. But really, I feel like my yeses are anything that makes me happy and the no's are everything that doesn't. And as simple and dumb as that sounds, if you guys just started saying yes to more things that made you happy, then everything else just kind of falls to the side.

But that's because it's hard to say no.

It is.

I just want to share. Like, we have gone through so many seasons of Chris. Do you remember the hour? I mean, like the hours of struggle over. Like, do we say no to this? Oh my gosh, what if we don't get invited back? Or what if they take it personally?

And now fomo.

FOMO is so real.

Yeah.

Now it's kind of like if the people aren't. If it's not something that's great for our business and profitable for our business and a great, like, networking opportunity for that, if these aren't people we see on our five year journey, if we can't see these people on our five or ten Year journey. Then we say no. Like, yeah, sometimes there's a lot of. Let me just tell you, especially when we lived in la, everyone's in town every day, every weekend, hey, I'm in town. I want a dinner. I would love a dinner. So we would say yes to these. Well, it was at the expense of our time together or at the expense of, I'm an introvert, I need to recharge. It was at the expense of big ideas coming through. It was at the expense of rest. It was at the expense of, like, me living a resentful life. And I can say in the last two years, it's the first time that I haven't felt that way, where for a lot of my career, I felt really resentful of having to, like, always go to so many things. And that's my. My fault. That's my fault. So now it's like, I want to live a life where I feel very fulfilled and I don't want to go see anyone that I'm going to be resentful of because it's not their fault. So I want to show up the best version of me for the people that I want to show up for.

The last thing I would expand on that is when I said, you know, yes to things that make us happy. We're trained that it's selfish to put yourself first, but it's actually the best thing you can do, because when you put yourself first, then you're going to be this awesome, happy version of yourself for everybody else that you care about. But when you say yes to everybody else's needs and no to yours, then you wake up and all sudden you got nothing left to give to them. Right? So. And the pendulum swings too far sometimes. So you got to be very careful when you notice the pendulum is swung to you doing everything for everybody else, even though now they've gotten used to. To it, you gotta say fuck them and, like, kind of bring this pendulum back to supporting yourself first.

Don't you just love how honest they are and raw? It's so good. Okay, so I have to ask you guys, like, behind the scenes right now, what is, like, something that you're currently struggling with or working on in terms of either in your personal life or building the companies that you're building and just like, something raw, because I think sometimes it's easy for. There's someone in this audience or maybe multiple people in this audience that are like, oh, look at them, they're at this stage now. But, like, you guys still have so much Shit that you're navigating behind closed doors. What does that look like? And what.

Yeah, where we live. So we've woken up where we have a house in Scottsdale that's home base on paper. We have a house in Newport beach and then the summer home up in Wisconsin. And maybe when I say that that sounds romantic in execution, it's not fun. And the Arizona home really is because family is there, but we're not happy there. And it's not an Arizona problem thing. It's just we're called to the beach and where all the energy is and where all the craziness and you hate the heat.

Water.

Yep. Water, Yep. And we've had a lot of conversations where we're spending a lot of time in this one area for everybody else, but not for us. And so we're wasting a half a year of our lives for everybody else, but not for a way that fuels us. But when we tell them. So hopefully it's not live streamed when we or released anything.

Dropped this later on a podcast.

But so when we tell them, hey, you know, we're going to spend very little time here and we spend a whole lot of time back in California where we're happy and you're just going to have to deal with it, but here's the benefits that can come out of it. That's going to be a really tough conversation to have, but we know we need to have it so that we're happy.

And I think it's an opportunity for us to talk about how intentional we want to be with them. Like, it's an opportunity for us to say, hey, this is how important you are. And here's what we want to do. Because even though we're here, we don't really see you guys know how that goes. You don't really see each other as much as you want. So I think there's a great opportunity for us there to just like re. Let them know, remind them of how important they are to us.

So quality over quantity. People will know they're important to you when they feel quality instead of just a whole bunch of empty quantity.

Yeah.

At least that's what I'm telling myself. So wish me luck.

It's true. Well, you can feel the presence you can feel if people are checking, you know, like there's a difference between doing something to do it versus doing it to get it done right. Or like checking off. Oh, we had dinner with this couple this week just so we could check it off our list or whatever that is. So I love that. Okay. From a behind the scenes, like building business side of things. Lori, can you speak to. Because like you have had to iterate your company and as much as you can say at this point of what it is, you've had to make so many changes, you've been on this path that it's been like pivot, pivot, pivot shirt cams.

Right.

Like it's been like all over. How are you managing that? How are you staying on this vision when it would be easy for someone that's experienced as much resistance as you've experienced with this business to throw in the towel? How are you doing this?

Well, I mean, that's an understatement.

I mean, I wanna.

It's your story.

I watched Lori have the worst two years of her life. From a business standpoint, I'm kind of tough to watch.

This is my, this is my emerging butterfly season. Everyone, truly, I did not know what I was getting into. And I'm so glad I didn't. Because the woman that I am on the other side of that hell whole journey is one that I am so proud to be and one that I am so proud to meet and one that I would have never met if I wouldn't have had the type of two years and pressure and anxiety and depression and panic attacks that I just went through. So saying that those are the moments that, that they, they really make you. But what, what helped me get through it thriving and I'll share a little bit more about it, but what helped me get through it thriving was my husband and my community. That's it. My good girlfriends, my closest girlfriends. Because in the middle of what's going to go on in your journeys, you can't be public about it. You guys, like, I still don't want to be fully public because I want to be on the other side of it yet, which is coming really soon, in like a month. So it's very exciting. Yeah, very exciting. So, yeah, I'm very excited about being able to share the full thing soon. But you know when you're in the middle of that and things are going terribly wrong and nothing, no doors are opening and I'm. I'm the girl who's like, I'm committed. I'm like, walls, walls, walls.

What walls?

We're just gonna keep on. This is part of the story.

We're gonna keep knocking them down.

And a few of the things that I learned during that time was that you can be really resilient and you can be really determined, but sometimes life and the business and the numbers are actually showing you you need to go somewhere else. So a lot of people ask, when do you know? When did you know? When the numbers weren't there, I lost all my margins and a couple other things came up legally that was like, you can't actually move forward with this. And so I had to make a really tough decision in one minute. In one minute, after almost two years of building something, it came down to a one minute decision of, you can see the future right now. What are you going to do? Are you going to dwindle the rest of this money of 54amazing female investors? Are you going to take this money and turn it into something amazing and go pitch a new story to them? So in that time I realized, and also with these great conversations with other founders of the people we've invested in, thank God we had these other people that we had invested in their companies and we had different people in our network because I could have these hard conversations with them. I can honestly say I think I would have probably like sunk the Titanic if I didn't have these people. So that is so important for you guys to, when you're in, in that dark time in your business, please don't hide your numbers. Please don't hide what's going on on. Go to the people who could help you and say, look at everything. Here's where I'm at. Please tell me what I should do. Don't wait too long because you're embarrassed. That could have happened to me and instead I was able to pivot and take all of this money that I had left and turn it, I'm turning it into something amazing. So. But if I wouldn't have had those people, it wouldn't have been there and it wouldn't have happened.

I love how just you're stepping into. Owning like the person that I am now that I love so fucking much is because of all of this stuff that I went through. And I think sometimes we forget that when we're in it because it doesn't feel good. Obviously. Panic attacks, anxiety, all the things that you're navigating behind closed doors. But now here on the other side, I think that's really powerful. Did I hit home with anyone? Like, yes, it's gonna be better on the other side.

Yeah.

Okay. So, Chris, one thing that I think would be cool for you to give context to is like the idea that you, you have for fro what you're working on right now. It wasn't like you had this vision and you decided, this is the direction that I'm going. It feels like it all aligned because of, you know, the Steve Jobs quote, like connecting the dots, looking backwards. It all makes sense. How can you tell that story?

Yeah, absolutely. So this is really a story of if you don't have the pieces, go get the people that have them for you. Right. I'm building an app. It's a peer to peer lending app. Like person to person, like Uber for personal loans. Right. So lenders, borrowers, drivers, riders and I don't know anything about tech. I never wanted an app. This was never a dream of mine. Like this was not. This was never supposed to be a thing for me, but it was born out of a real life act of generosity. You know, I've got a show and the common thread is generosity and people's success stories. And when you have a show like that, it invites a lot of people to DM you and share their hardships and ask for alone or something like that. I mean, probably 50 to 100 people a month. So because of that volume, I had to make a personal policy that we weren't going to give in the dms. We didn't know what was right, we didn't know what was real. And despite having that personal policy, about three years ago, guys slid in my DMs and I got a feeling, like a straight feeling through my head to my heart that said, hey, just open this one and answer it. So out of curiosity, I did, and it was a landscaper. And he said, hey, I listen to your show, I'm grateful for what you, you put out there, and I'm really embarrassed to be sending this to you, but if I don't find $680 to catch up two payments on my landscape truck, I'm going to lose my business and two great guys that work for me are going to lose their jobs. So is there any way that you'd lend me $680? So following this feeling, I said, hey, I won't lend it to you, I'll just give it to you. I PayPal it to him and I thought I'd never hear from this guy again. Real, not real. Didn't matter. Followed a feeling. But about two months later, he reached back out and he said, hey, I want to let you know what you did for me that day. I took the money, I got current on the truck. Those guys kept their jobs great. But more importantly, and I left this part out of the story, I had said to him, all I wanted in return is for you to put yourself in position to do this for somebody else one day, right? He said, more importantly, when you told me that all you wanted in return was for me to put myself in position to do this for somebody else, he said, that lit a fire in me. And I've gone absolutely crazy getting as many new landscape accounts as humanly possible to the point where I'm now getting a second truck and hiring two additional guys in just a couple months. Right? Wild, right? And that goes to show you, sometimes people just need a bridge. Sometimes people just need like a one win when they're getting their ass kicked. And that small $680. And I don't mean to belittle, $680, but the grand scheme of things to be creating jobs in the economy, it's pretty small, right? So that small $680, that moment, the outcome that became the seed that I became obsessed with. Like, how do I pair more people like this guy and more people like all of us that would be incentivized to help give these people this little bridge. And the mission meant so much to me. It's good to know what you're good at, and it's good to know what you're not good at. And I knew the bulk majority of what it would take to bring this mission into real life. Those were things I was not good at. So I went to a friend of mine, Matt. And Matt and I met at an event similar to this, more of a dinner event, but nonetheless. And Matt had just finished building and selling his tech company for multiple nine figures. And I went to him and I said, hey, listen, here's the vision, here's the idea, here's why it's so important to me. Would you help me build this? I said, I'll give you half of everything if you do. And luckily Matt, when he sold his company, got to keep his team because he sold to a competitor. And being the good hearted guy that he is, he had said to his team, I will pay all your salaries for two years while you go find something else or coast or whatever you want, right? Because they got him across the finish line. So Matt had the expertise. His team had already been there, done that, and I knew I just needed them. And he said to me, he said, I like it, but you got to sell my team on the vision. And if you can sell them on the vision, we're in. So I got this whole team together on zoom, painted the vision, Literally, you're seeing zoom.

You can tell anybody on a vision.

I'm an enroller. So you know when people say, know your strengths and know your weaknesses, Tech, mega weakness. Like, my brother has to come fix our TV when it breaks. No joke, no exaggeration.

He's like, should you try plugging in?

Right? But enrolling people in a vision and making something popular, no problem. I'll do it in my sleep, right? So know your strengths, know your weaknesses. And him and his team coming on board and bringing this thing to life shows you that you're just a few people away from bringing any idea, any dream that you want to life, and that you don't have an excuse not to do it. You don't have to find the how. I'm not learning tech. You just have to find the who.

And how did you meet him at.

An event similar to this. It was actually at a Mastermind, a dinner Mastermind.

So, so good.

I just.

I mean, I've heard obviously, you tell this story, and we are proud investors in Frolla, too. But I. I just think it's really important because sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves of, like, what's my one thing? Or what's my next big vision? But sometimes it's. It's just doubling down on your strengths, right? And connecting with people and trusting that one day it will make sense and you'll be able to connect the dots. Looking backwards, it's like, oh, if I didn't go to this event, I wouldn't have met Matt. If I didn't work on networking, if I didn't do xyz, if I didn't have this philanthropy mission of my podcast, like, all of these things now connect, which is so good. Okay, so, Lori, in a season for women in this room that are in this season, where they're navigating a lot of doubt and maybe the anxiety, the. That comes from that as they are doing anything right now, whether that is chasing a career milestone or a business milestone, like, what advice would you give to them to support themselves? And, like, what are, like, the Lori pep talks that you're giving yourself in your head?

This is such a good question, you know, and it's going to be so counterintuitive to what you guys think, because I was in that season, so I had to get myself out, and I got myself out by doing more scary things. So I got myself out of being afraid and having anxiety by being more afraid and having bigger anxiety. And what happened is, you know, when I was building, it was kind of like, I think all of that anxiety and fear and all the things built up because you kind of, when you're in the building season, go behind closed doors. And while there is an importance to that of, like, kind of needing to retain your energy, there's also a negative part of it, too, because. Because you get to build your own stories and spiral out of control behind those closed doors. Who's there right now? You're kind of, like, at home by yourself, spiraling. And you're like, how have I spent more time staring into my fridge, this abyss, than I have looking at my computer?

It's real.

And, like, I would, like, be walking around the house and end up, like, in my closet doing something. I'm like, how did I get here? This is so weird. Like, it just happens. It's the weirdest. And so I am now in a season where I was like, you need to go and do some things that scare you while you're doing this. So you need to go and be out in community again. So I don't want to say just things that scare you, but go and do things that will get you in the community again. Go be a facilitator of dinners. Like, go have four girls at a dinner once a month. Like, make sure you're getting out in community and talking about your problems and what's going on. And that's really been the thing that has made me more confident, is doing these little scary things or being the facilitator of conversations or putting myself out there more. Because every one of those little things you do is a confidence builder. The other thing that's been huge for me is getting back into my health and fitness routine. Guys, those are confidence builders. Those aren't just good for you. They're truly confidence builders. When you promise yourself to go to the gym three times a week and you break those promises, your confidence slowly dwindles, right? So make a realistic promise to yourself with your health, and that's also going to help build your confidence. That's all of these things you're putting into the bucket of, how many things have I done to build my confidence today? And how many things have I done to actually kind of dwindle and drain my confidence? If it's like being alone and working and scrolling from home, that will make your confidence plummet. I don't care who you are, the strongest women that you see out there. When we have conversations at dinner, if they aren't with people and they're scrolling and they work from home alone for too long, they're gonna go to a deep, dark place. It's the formula. You guys simply wake up and do the formula for feeling better, or you simply wake up and do the formula for feeling like a total ass bag every single day. And so I want to do the formula for feeling good. And so I ask myself, honestly, honestly, like, how do you want to feel when your head hits the pillow tonight? How do you want to feel when your head hits the pillow tonight? And I can't take another night where I broke promises to myself and I betrayed myself because I deserve better than that. We all do.

Boom.

That was good. All right, Chris. Last thing I want to close this out with is why should the women in this room be unapologetic about chasing the dream? Dreams that they have in their heart in a. In a crisp way?

No, I mean, for a number of reasons, but the most important reason is when women win, other people win more. Right? And here's what I mean. Guys, when they get a lot of money, what do they do? They buy sports cars and watches and all these other things, which is fine. I'm not against that. I like those things. But women, typically, they don't go waste their money on that stuff. They are naturally more nurturing. They're naturally more giving. They're naturally more caring. And so when you put money and wins and success in the hands of women, it naturally gets distributed to the right people that need it a little bit more, as opposed to maybe the Ferrari dealer. So women do it.

We just do it second.

Yeah, yeah, you do it in the right order. So the simple answer to that is, when all of you unapologetically go where you are meant to go, then everybody else around you, they will be lifted up as well from your success. And if you don't go first, then nobody else around you is going to go first.

You guys are so incredible. Chris and Lori, harder. Everybody.

Sa.