Best Practices For Managing Stress To Create A Winners Mind

Every single event in your life is neutral. We are the ones applying any emotion to it. It does not mean that you're making up that maybe someone thinks something about you or is upset about a decision. But that is up to us if we decide to make that mean something in our life and stress about it. And we're back with another episode of He Said She. And today we're going to chat with you all about stress and how to manage it and where stress comes from.

People don't have stress, do they?

No. I think we're good. We can end it right here.

You know what's funny? We were just listening to that Matthew McConaughey book, and this is relevant, but not relevant. And in there, he talked about white collar prayers and blue collar prayers. Do you remember this on the walk today? And he was saying blue collar prayers. Lord, give me a cure for my sick child. Lord, give me, give me a meal, a blanket if I'm cold, give me a meal if I'm hungry. And white collarbone is like, lord, please let my football team win or please let me get that yacht or please let me, you know, let this business deal go through. And it's so funny because it's an example of how as our life shifts, we think things are stressful because we don't yet have them or we, we don't know if we're going to get them, or we don't know if we're going to achieve something. And we create a stress around it when other people, they have stress over the realest, most basic things. And it shows us how silly some of the stress is that we all, as people manufacture.

So I'm reading a book called Sustain youn Game. It's by Allen Stein Jr. Who's actually going to be coming on my podcast. I'm really excited about it. And he is talking all about how in order to sustain your success in life, like once you get there, and this all applies to even getting there, but once you're there, how do you also sustain this? And it's really about controlling your mind and controlling the controllable. And he tells a story about Kobe Bryant and how so many different people who have studied him. Of course, he was one of the greats and there were so many different things that he did great that we could analyze to death. But when coaches really look at him to try to find his differentiator and things that set him apart, it was the ability to have a short term memory, meaning he immediately allows himself to forget about the mistake. He just made one second ago and moves into the next play without carrying it.

I feel like I have that. And by the way, did you know it's Kobe's birthday today? It's so weird that you brought that up.

That is so bizarre.

It's his birthday today. That's so weird that you brought that up. I feel like I have a very short memory. I feel like I don't get stuck on things in the past, good or bad. Matter of fact, when you and I argue, you're like, you're shocked that I'm just like, oh, all of a sudden onto something new and you want to hold onto it forever. You know what I mean?

That is a superpower of his. And sometimes I used to view it as like, oh my God, he does not care. But I'm learning that it is a true superpower to be able to let it go. And Eckhart Tolle defines stress as the desire to be somewhere and someone else, which also means the desire to be in the future and already have the thing. Or the desire to want to go back to the past because you had fun at a point in your life. Or this is when you were at the top of your game. When we're there, we're never present, which means that we are robbing the present moment of its power, which means we are failing the moment. So he also writes. So Eckhart Tolle also talks about the pain that you create now. So our current pain that you're in, whatever it is, like, I want you to think about your day right now and whatever kind of pain that you're feeling. He says the pain that you create now is always from some form of non acceptance. So whether it's looking at your schedule and you don't want to accept, or you have resistance around the fact that you have four calls back to back or eight calls back to back, or that you have to go and do something that you don't want to do that day. The pain is always coming from the thought around the resistance that you are applying to the thing that you have to do rather than just being in that present moment and going through your day moment by moment.

This is really interesting. Stay with me while I go down the rabbit hole. This is so good, by the way, that that, like hits when you say read it again. Eckhart Tolle's definition is just the first line.

The pain that you create now is always from some form of non acceptance.

Yep.

And then he defines stress as the desire to be somewhere.

And some when those two things man, that is as real as it gets. So I'm gonna give you a small example and big example. Small example. I get so stressed out when I look and I see like six or eight Zoom calls and meetings and all that BS on my calendar for the day, even though I chose them all and even though I enjoy each one of them individually. And this is where it doesn't make sense until you look at the definition. So it shouldn't stress me out because I know I'm going to enjoy each one of those calls individually, but I get stressed out that I have so many Zooms for the day, because I hate being on Zoom. And my stress comes from not the fact that they're going to be tough, not the fact that I'm not going to enjoy them, because those aren't true. It comes from me not accepting that I have to be on Zoom in order to move some of these businesses forward. And it comes from me wishing I was someone else or, you know, like that it was a different situation instead of accepting, hey, you want to build these businesses, you got to be on these Zooms, period. So that's a small example. Here's a. Here's a bigger example. Remember back when we had to start over financially back in 2008, 2009, because of the recession? Well, we had financial stress, and there was stress around, oh, my God, how do I make this big house payment of this house that we just finished building and filling and all that? And when I said, stay with me as I go down the rabbit hole, I thought, well, what about people that have financial stress? What if they have a house and they're stressed out about making the mortgage payment, or they rent a place and they're stressed out about making the rent payment? Their stress comes not from the fact that they have to make that payment, but from the fact that they haven't accepted that maybe they shouldn't be in that large of a house right now, or maybe they shouldn't be living in that part of town right now, or maybe they shouldn't have that truck or that car payment right now, et cetera, et cetera. Because when I look back about our financial stress, 2008, 2009, when I was stressing about the house and everything else, it was non acceptance that, hey, you didn't earn this and you can't afford to stay here anymore. Your job cut all of its bonuses, Stop trying to make it work. My stress came from the fact that I wouldn't accept that. And I thought, gee, maybe somehow I.

Can make this work he talks about in this book. Because everything we're talking about right now is from this book, which I highly recommend, that every single event in your life is neutral. We are the ones applying any emotion to it. It does not mean that you're making up that maybe someone thinks something about you or is upset about a decision. But that is up to us if we decide to make that mean something in our life and stress about it. And it is up to us if we decide to dwell on that moment and that particular idea and concept, that maybe people are disappointed because the fact is someone will always be disappointed, because that is how some people are. Also wired is that someone is always going to not like something that you're doing. Whether it's someone who's close to you and your family, or whether that is someone at work or whether that's someone influential. You can't let it matter because that means that you are failing the present moment. And that's the only place where anything for your future happens is in the present moment. So with every decision to let things bother us and weigh us down, that's us robbing our future of where we're supposed to go. Because we're robbing the present moment where things can actually happen.

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Right now with anything?

I am. I'm worried about what some people will think of different things that I have going on in my life and I'm also actively that's why I'm reading this book over and over. I am actively choosing to stories that are probably actually not even true that I'm making up in my head affect me in the most important moments right now, which are the decision making moments, which are the creative moments that only happen in the present. And whenever I go back into a story that I think has happened or something that could happen in the future, I am not present which is where all creativity, all ideas and all forward momentum come from.

It's interesting 99% of our stress is stressing about things that won't happen or beliefs that we think people have that they don't actually have. 99% of stress comes from those two things. That's crazy. All right, well, hopefully this helps everybody as you guys manage stress. The whole point of us sharing this is when you know this, you can catch it. When you catch it, you can reframe it. And when you get real good at doing that quickly, it's amazing how great of a life you can end up living.

Just choosing again, if that thought comes in. I say this mantra all the time. I'm like, this is not the thought that I want to be thinking, because it's giving me these feelings. I'm going to choose again. What is a thought, or what is something I can focus on and go and do? Because sometimes you have to go and walk with it, right? To move that thought out of your body. What is something that I can go and do, or what thought can I cling on to that will get me out of this one? So they're just every little thought that can put you up into a higher, energetic vibration is where you want to go. So you guys were so grateful for you. And until next time. Time, earn your happy and what else?

People make good money. They do great things.

Great. Have a good one. Bye, guys.